sweetbutpsycho97

[sweetbutpsycho97]

A Countryside Escape At Hacienda San Rafael in Spain by Julia Engel

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[sweetbutpsycho97]

[sweetbutpsycho97]

Spanish Mood

We are thrilled to introduce two new Spanish style homes to the client roster, so currently I have all the heart eyes for exteriors like this beauty from Ryan Street & Associates.

(Amberinteriors @instagram )

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[sweetbutpsycho97]

1992 - 2018

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instagram | ariellevey

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Gm🌵

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[sweetbutpsycho97]

Slowthai - Nothing Great About Britain

[sweetbutpsycho97]

Should Have Known Better

Word Count: 1720

[Swearing and cases of cheating. Please take this into account. I’m sorry if this is sensitive to a few of you.]

You closed the door silently behind you and you already knew that you weren’t the only one in the house. The slight echoes of panting and moans coming from your shared bedroom with Jisoo gave you the beginning of the growing got pit that was forming in your stomach. You swallowed thickly before walking towards the sounds, them getting louder as you neared the doorway. The worst case scenario was forming in your head as you took a step closer to discovering the truth which you were certain has always been in front of your face, but you just refused to accept it.

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[sweetbutpsycho97]

Blog #2 - it’s a long one. Worth the read.

My boyfriend of a year and a half.

It was a meetcute. I had just been in Canada for 6 months working. Came home 2 weeks before my 20th birthday. (In July 2017) Told my Best Friend (we will call her Shayla) that hey I’ve been single for a bit.. had a bit of fun in Canada... obviously. But I’ve been single for awhile get your boyfriend to bring friends to my birthday night out. Biggest mistake of my life.

2 weeks and now it’s my birthday weekend. She’s got 2 boys for me. I’m short and this guy was tall. Saw him for the first time ever and he sees me across the road comes over.... “wow you look beautiful” ... I punched him in the arm and went red in the face.. Shayla had done well.!That was our first encounter. We spent the night dancing and having fun. I had to kiss him because he wouldn’t do it. I went back to Shaylas house that night and slept with him.. thought that would be it but no. He wanted to pursue me. We ended up dating 2 weeks later (which was way to fast for me) but he was so different to my ex I thought hey he doesn’t seem mentally unstable. He doesn’t look like he’ll smack me if I step out of line. I’m worthy of him I promise.

I was pathetic. He said he loved me a month in. We had been together for 2 months and I moved out into a house with him. Someone who doesn’t have a car or a job. Someone I don’t know. I provided for us. I worked the full time job. He hung out at home with the boys doing car stuff. I got out a $10k loan for him to get a car. I’m still paying it off. He contributed nothing. I got out another $3k loan so he could get a drift car. To make him happy. I constantly bought him toys to please him. He was at home sad. We got a puppy. Who without my knowledge would grow to be a big ass dog... we didn’t have a backyard at this house. I got 8 loans in a year and a half. I paid them off. Because he would beg me. Then when I complained about being so so stressed about money he would say oh well I would have been okay without this or this or this... okay so why did you beg and make me feel so so awful?

He had a female friend of like 10 years. “She’s one of the boys babe.” Okay so why did you go to her house and take your shirt off around her and then leave it there. Why is she messaging you kiss faces. Why is today the first message she’s ever sent you on Facebook. Oh because you delete all your female messages. Oh because you’re shady? No of course I didn’t think any of this. I believed him. She’s just one of the boys. He didn’t send kiss faces back so that makes it okay. He went to a drifting event got shit faced and thrown from the back of a ute and was hospitalised. I had to drive 2 hours to the hospital and sit by his unconscious body for hours. When he was let out we went home and I took 2 weeks off work to care for him. So I’m paying rent, petrol, food, dog things... he still has no job. Mind you by this stage we had only been together for oh like you know maybe 3 months.

I broke up with him because I was just not feeling appreciated. He pursued me once again and his bullshit was so good we got back together but I stayed at home. I wasn’t moving out again. He moved home. Still no job. But has the car I bought him and I put the petrol in that car. We may not live together but hey he can’t ask his dad for money cause he’ll lecture my boyfriend and make him down and sad. I can’t see him down and sad. I have to buy him more things to make him happy!

I was in hospital for 2 weeks at the start of the next year (January, 2018) with a bad kidney infection. He came and saw me once for 2 hours then left. But I had to buy him things to make him happy all the time. He couldn’t be there for me when I’m in a very bad situation. But when he gets thrown from the back of a ute I drive 2 hours just to get to the hospital.

Fast forward maybe 2 months. He had a job as a car detailer. Something he claimed to love yet was somehow always really sick, or in pain or this or that. (He was eventually fired.) I was really sick vomiting couldn’t eat. It was bad. I decided to just rule everything out... do a test. Pregnant. Roughly 7 weeks. We were still living at separate houses with our parents. I FaceTimed him and asked are you with your dad? No he’s in bed. Turned the camera around showed him the test and he didn’t react. He was emotionless. Then says dads awake. Message me. Hangs ups. He asks if I want it. We didn’t talk for 2 days because he had to think..... eventually he came to my house and said he’s so excited and just had to get his head around everything but he loves me and he wants this family. I told mum and dad. They were devastated. They knew we weren’t right together. They knew how much he damaged me. But they knew if they said that to me about the father of this baby that would be it for our relationship. So they didn’t talk about it but supported me. We looked at rentals to move out. Bought things for this baby.. I miscarried at 9 weeks. We were so excited we didn’t think about the possibility I might lose it. I went down a deep rabbit hole of depression. We moved out together again but I wasn’t the same. Our relationship wasn’t the same. I wasn’t as obsessed with him. I stood up for myself more. I stopped being a little bitch being walked over but I was also being direct, aggressive, cold and it was almost like I blamed him for everything. I tried to get my life back together. My work was so supportive of me. They let me have a week off to get my head around everything. It was bad.

So 11 months and it’s my birthdays in 2 weeks. I go away with my mum for the day and I didn’t want to because I felt so sick could barely eat. We talked about my boyfriend at breakfast and I burst into tears telling her I’m so stressed I don’t think I can sit this relationship anymore It’s hurting me to much. It’s not love he just hurts me emotionally and mentally. We enjoyed the rest of the day. My mum will always be my rock. I will love her forever. I go home to my boyfriend and tell him about how great our day was but I was so sick I could barely enjoy our breakfast or lunch.. he says babe look you’ve been a bit off lately... i don’t think anything of it. That weekend we go to Shayla and her boyfriends house. We’re supposed to go out clubbing but I still felt so sick. I asked Shayla to put one of her tests in my bag and I’m going home. My boyfriend came with me and we did this together this time. I find out I’m pregnant.. it’s my 21st birthday and I’m pregnant. It was a house party and everyone was shit faced and I had to act shit faced so no one would know. I ended up miscarrying at 11 weeks. (August,2018)

We got to have a ultrasound and see our baby’s heartbeat. It fucked me up. I barely went to work anymore. I was at home being a bum with him. My work paid me as it was a mourning situation but for me I think more emotionally then logically. I was broken. I wanted my baby back more then anything. Even if it was with this bum who couldn’t keep a job but always tries to make me smile. Who has always reassured me. Who has always had my back. Who has always always said “if I’m unhappy I’ll leave. I will never cheat. I love you” .... I love you. I needed my baby. We had names picked out both times and the pregnancies were different so we just assumed that meant one was a boy and one was a girl. Ryder and Scarlett. Mummy loves you.

(November,2018) I was completely detached from my boyfriend. Losing these babies has fucked me up mentally, emotionally and physically. I couldn’t think of having sex. I couldn’t stand being kissed or touched. I’m so confused and sad. Why. Why give me these gifts and take them from me. To add onto this.... I have a message on my Facebook in that “message request” area. I hadn’t noticed until now.. oh but it was sent in August.. my bad... messages from a girl we will call Leona. With screenshots of my boyfriends tinder profile. With screenshots of their messages of him trying to organise sex. The way he spoke to her was disgusting from my perspective. She said he added her on snap and she stalked his social media after obtaining his last name because his snapchat is firstname_lastname. And that’s when she saw me. All over his social media. Oh because he’s just so dedicated to me. Apparently she asked him about me and he just blocked her on Facebook, snapchat, Instagram, tinder.. I called him and asked him and said just be upfront babe I promise if it’s true we will work through it. Just tell me the truth. He swore on our dogs lives (we have 2 now), on his dads life, on his own life.... on our babies that he would never ever cheat. “I’ve said that from day one. If I’m unhappy I’ll leave. Remember” “it’s a fake profile I promise you babe” .... I decided to believe him. We sort of started to get better. Maybe the thought of nearly losing him made me think wow I love him I don’t want that life! And we were so in love again. Couldn’t bare to be away from each other.

(February, 2019) We’re in bed together watching tv. He decides to have a nap and I decided to call our electricity company because I got a weird letter a few days prior and he said use his phone because I had run out of credit the day before. I went into our lounge room and made the call.: an hour later I’m off the phone to upstairs and he’s still asleep... all of a sudden I get an urge... I think about Leona and her words. Hey you have his phone.. she said he blocked her on everything... check his Facebook blocked list. If she’s on it ... okay no just have a look don’t work yourself up.. so in I go. Bitch is the first fucker on the list. Okay here we go.. download the tinder app on his phone use his number to log in. 6 digits sent to his phone piece of piss I have his phone. Log in with the code and there they are. Messages upon messages with girls. Asking if they’re “dtf” how old are you cunt no one says that anymore.

What is just the icing on the cake.... all the dates of these conversations... I was in bed misscarrying our second baby. I was destraught and fucked up and not wanting to be touched. He decides to get his tinder profile up and running and try get others because well... we will get there. I get all of this go upstairs wake him up from his nap calmly. Sat down on our bed in our house. My face must have said something was wrong he was sitting up and trying to hug me asking what’s wrong I told him not to touch me. I asked “what do you consider cheating” and his face changed to confusion and said “just talking to someone else. Why... have you...” his eyes went to my hands and he saw his phone in my hands.. I threw it at him he unlocked it and I had tinder open. He saw it all and he tried to get mad and ask why I went through it. But he knew that approach would get no where. Our house mate and best friend (we will call him Jose) got home half an hour later after I had been screaming and crying at him. I ran downstairs and had already previously told him about this girl messaging me.. I told him oh yeah it was all true back upstairs I go and down goes my boyfriend to try and justify and explain himself to Jose. All I hear Jose say “you are a fucking idiot. You’ve ruined the best thing going for you” my boyfriend came back upstairs and I told him to get the fuck out whilst I packed. He tried to say “so what this is it? You’re giving up on us”...... Jose took him away or I would have lost the last thread of myself and attacked him. They left my mum came up and helped me move home. I took our cat with me. I couldn’t take my dogs. I miss them like crazy.

#lost #cheating #confused #fool #delusional #sadgirl

[sweetbutpsycho97]

“Sometimes it’s not about what happened. Sometimes it’s about what didn’t happen,”

26.08.19 - 10:07 - Sometimes the idea of what should have happened hurts more (moondustanddreams)

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[sweetbutpsycho97]

Confused

first blog and it will be trash, lack any sort of structure, correct grammar and spelling..

Today I decided hey why not try to further myself society wise. Spent hours trying to come up with ways to make my Instagram more popular, hash tagged a heap of my posts to see if they would get more likes.. so far 7.... I want to be known so I can at least inspire people it is okay to not look like the social stars of society today.

I want to go travel, I want the cutest clothes, I want a social media assistant to do all the work and I just get to change my outfits and move to a different locations and make new memories whilst someone else takes my photos without looking. But of course after a couple if hours I lost my motivation with the very fact of “You are not interesting.”

I am lazy and lay around all day with 0 motivation to leave my room for anything other then food or to pat dogs. Pretty inspiring stuff.. right?

#socialstars #inspiration #help