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Purging my main tumblr of cringe content gave me the runs. Is this anything

#im just gonna vent here now #actually i think being hung over made me poop but still #shitty mood across the board #(lol)

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starting to think i’m unfit for human relationships all together. laugh out loud

#january 2024 mood

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and so, i wield my blade to the very end. until the stars have been cut down from the sky. THIS OATH, I WILL NEVER FORSAKE.

#takemi

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Overwritten; left unsaid

Part of my Wings of Pages collection

#lucien

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ever notice that the mean voice in ur head that insults u is awful confident for something thats literally never done anything in its life except be mean to you… like… one of us is pathetic and its not me buddy… get a hobby… yikes

#I want to agree but the mean voice in *my* head belongs to an idealized and far more accomplished version of myself #telling me how far I am from him #now THIS guy gets it #how many idealized and more accomplished versions of myself do I have...... 3? #ok more like 2 and the third is the teenager who thought we'd be way more accomplished by now #so she gets a pass at being mean #funnier as a system

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i don't believe i have to say this in 2023 but i am not a "woman trapped in a man's body". i am a girl trapped in the body of another, worse girl, and there's also a boy we keep caged up in there and feed dog food to keep him docile

#takemi #AND ROHAN #the dog food is pizza

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The voices aren’t in my head anymore. They got out. We are having conversations.

#hi besties

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one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

#lol oh

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#fhjhfd

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team “my parents didn’t exactly kick me out or starve me but they sure held every bit of it over my head and made sure I knew how they could do it at any second, at the same time drilling in my head how any care I receive translates into this huge debt that I will never be enough to repay and none of it felt like I was a part of a family”

#there it is #not exactly but very similar

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ode to this cute anime angel i was obsessed with in 2007 she had a goth gf but i could never find the image i hope they reunite some day ......

#omg it's the 'don't repeat negative thoughts' angel #no wonder she's so soft she has a cute gf ;~;

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saw this on twitter and wanted to save it here

#lol oh #may was a constant fluctuation between struggling and in crisis #wheee (:

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i needed to read this today so im sharing it to all of you!!

#cool now do 40s #30s were shit

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#bringing this back #happy bpd awareness month #I have never been more Aware than lately ☠️☠️ #bpd #actuallybpd

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#peyton #imagine peyton at 16 omg

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I'm on a fast track to becoming a stinky old cat lady or a raving mad alcoholic writer and I'm trying to be ok with either since it's apparent I shall be alone forever

#why not both.jpg #this post brought to you by: tuesday night drinking

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YOU CANNOT SELF-FLAGELLATE YOUR WAY INTO EXCELLENCE

#lmao note 2 self