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soft-serve-soymilk · 19 days
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Gaslighting? In MY household? It’s more likely than you think
#sad pav hours#<- ‘tis my new vent tag. filter as needed#just pav things#I have experienced so many levels of Confusion today#I mean most of it just boils down to my dad being a dick for no good reason#what do I even do to him????? I yet again ask him this and he’s like#‘I live with you’. My mere existence causes him misery apparently#He says that I’m unlikeable. I say that people generally enjoy my whimsical disposition or just don’t care and ignore me#or in the case of [redacted] try to pacify me in neurotypical ways that only ended up hurting when I found out#instead of communicating that she didn’t want to be friends. Actually that was what my first vent post on here in 2021 was about#and very ironically it was the reason me and Dolphin became friends (random skribbl game my beloved ^^)#But I digress#Also I’ve already accounted for the fact of my future bosses probably disliking me and some people out there just by virtue of being human#but i’d like to believe I’m generally likeable??? I have so much evidence to prove this that the put-down just ends up confusing#Also the amount of name-calling is insane once you stop filtering it out#I can just casually be called stupid. again without any reason#and then people wonder why I have such low self-esteem sometimes#I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the family scapegoat. I live with 3 blood relatives who hate me.#Also ffs I’M NOT A FREELOADER!!!! STOP sAYING THAT#I understand the real world will be brutal I see the real effects of the cost-of-living crisis every day#I’m prepared to live frugally to survive so stop saying i will be shook 😭 i’m fuckign ready to leave as soon as I have enough savings#and a place to stay. I’m done here. Except for the dogs I will always love and miss them 😭😭😭
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We Go Down Together, Ch 2
Ch 1
Relationship(s): Cassie Perez & Cordell Walker
Tags/Warnings: Torture, Kidnapping, Waterboarding, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence
Summary: While Cassie and Cordell wait for rescue, their captors take things up a notch
Written for @whumpuary Alt Prompt 4: Forced to Watch
Taglist: @theladywyn, @klaatu51, @ihavepointysticks, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134
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Cassie was losing track of time. She wasn’t sure how long they’d been held, only that it had been more than 36 hours, which she only knew because Walker said so. She wasn’t sure how long ago that had been.
She knew she was tired. She knew she was cold. She knew she was hungry. She knew the concrete floor was comfortable enough to go to sleep on but she was still dozing off, which wasn’t helping her sense of time at all.
“They’ll find us,” Walker said out of nowhere. “James knows what he’s doing.”
“Yeah, they will,” she agreed. She glanced over her shoulder at the moonlight filtering through the window.
“We just need to hold out a little longer. That’s all.”
“Trying to convince yourself or me over there?”
Walker smiled wryly. “Can’t it be both?”
Cassie tried to smile back. “Well…. Got any fun games to play while we’re trapped here? They probably taught you some in the marines, right?”
Walker hummed. “Yeah, but there’s no ceiling tiles or dead rats for us to count. And I was told ‘I Spy’ could get us killed so you may just have to be bored for a while.”
Cassie would take being bored over the alternative. “Guess we’ll just have to keep ourselves entertained then. Got any fun stories? Maybe including some potential theories on who these guys are and what they want from you?”
He sighed. “The only thing I know is that they, allegedly, want me to join up with them. As far as who they are and why they want me…. I’m guessing this is tied up in what Miles was looking into since it sounds like they’re looking for a replacement for Fenton….”
She snorted. “What? So to get you to work for them they kidnap you and threaten you? Doesn’t sound like the best recruitment strategy.”
“Agreed. Which has me wondering if there’s a bigger motive. Then again, Fenton was ready to kill himself to avoid their wrath….”
“Yeah, I guess….” She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see something lowering from the vent. “Walker.” She motioned toward the vent. “Looks like it’s coming down on your side.”
He followed her gesture and carefully made his way over to the edge of the cage. “An…origami swan?” He caught it as it fell from the vent and brought it in. “Do we have a fellow captive?”
“Sounds plausible. Is there a note on that thing?”
Walker untied the swan and unfolded it, frowning and turning a blank page toward her. “Nothing. Unless…” He picked up the string and stared at it. “Knots. There’s knots.”
“Some kind of code?” Cassie supplied.
“Exactly.” Walker silently counted the knots. “0007…. That’s flight codes.”
“Is that important?”
“Maybe….” Walker turned the string over in his mind. “Maybe it’s a message. Or maybe they just want us to know they know codes….”
“Right….” Cassie stood up and got as close to the vent as she could. “Hey! You still up there?!”
“Quiet!” a woman’s voice hissed. “They’ll hear you.”
Walker gave her a Look but stood up to the vent as well. “Sorry. We, ah, got your message. Can you… Who are you?”
“My name is Julia. Julia Johnson. I’m a journalist,” she said. “I’ve been investigating these psychos for the past year. Are you a Texas Ranger?”
“Uh, yeah, we both are,” he confirmed.
Julia cursed. “I knew it…. They needed a new guy after Fenton….”
“So this is about Fenton?” Cassie still thought that was a weird recruitment process but if Julia had been investigating them for a year, she must know her stuff. “Why are they doing it this way?”
“It’s how they operate,” Julia said gravely. “They break you down and then build you back up again, mold you into what they want. They’ve done it to so many… They’re experts.”
Suddenly, there was a loud bang, like a door being opened. Cassie whipped around to check their door but soon realized it was coming from upstairs. “No… NO!” Julia shouted off some random numbers (probably another code Cassie didn’t recognize) as she was taken away from the vent.
“Don’t worry,” said another, smoother, male voice that had Walker clenching his jaw. “I’m sure you two can keep each other company.
Cassie swallowed hard and, not for the first time, wondered if she might be in over her head here.
—-------------
The introduction to Julia (and her sudden removal) left Cordell rattled for the rest of the day. With nothing to do but think and make bad jokes with Cassie, there was little else for him to focus on.
“What are you thinking about?” Cassie asked him out of nowhere.
He hummed. “Thinking about the roast Mama’s gonna make for us when we get out of here,” he lied. “What about you?”
Cassie shrugged. “Ben. He’s probably freaking out right now. I hope he’s okay….”
Cordell nodded. “I’m sure he is. He’s got Liam.”
“Yeah….”
There was clanging outside the door and Cordell slowly stood up, ready to face whatever their captors were going to throw at them next.
He tried to put himself between them and Cassie as much as he could, but as soon as the cage door opened, he was shoved back against the bars opposite Cassie. Two of the goons held him in place and, even without the leash on his ankle, he wasn’t really in a state to fight them. He was too hungry, tired, outnumbered, weak.
Which meant all he could do was watch as the other two went to Cassie.
One of them grabbed her by the arms, holding her firmly to his chest while the other brought in a waterboarding chair. She struggled, but like Cordell she was tired and hungry and didn’t have nearly enough strength to fight back in any meaningful way. It wasn’t long before she was strapped down and anything she had to say was muffled by a cloth laid over her face.
Then the water started.
And all Cordell could do was watch. “This your big plan?” he growled, trying to sound more confident than he was. “We’re Texas Rangers! We don’t break easy!”
“Maybe you don’t.” Cordell whipped his head around to see Sean lurking in the background. “What, with your history in the marines and all. But a greenhorn like her?” He shook his head. “She won’t last that long. We both know that.”
Cordell narrowed his eyes. “Drastic measures, I assume?”
“I did warn you.”
The sound of Cassie choking brought Cordell’s attention back to her. He tried to break his arms free but there was no use.
All he could do was watch as wave after wave of water assaulted his partner. In between waves, when Cassie might have a moment to breathe, one of them hit her with the cattle prod. It was torture just to watch.
It didn’t take long for the message to click. Sean wasn’t going to wait around for Cordell to break. Given his training and experience, it would be a waste of time. But Cassie? She would break. And if watching her fall didn’t break him, he knew they’d take it further.
And all he would be able to do was watch.
It was too long before it was over. Cassie was put on the ground, coughing her lungs up in a puddle, and still they held Cordell back. It was only the sound of his leash being undone that kept him from lashing out.
Once he was let go, he scrambled to her side of the cage. “Hey, partner,” he said gently. “It’s over. You’re okay. We’re okay….” Pretty little lies like that kept falling from his lips; he couldn’t tell who he was trying to convince more as he all but put her in his lap. “We’re gonna get out of this,” he promised.
Cassie coughed again, weaker this time, but nodded. “Yeah…. We will….”
Cordell went without sleep again that night, splitting his energy between coming up with a plan and watching over his partner.
He wasn’t going to watch Cassie break.
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whimperwoods · 3 years
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Part 3 of Gozukk and Anna. Finally, Anna!
First part is here. Second part is here.
tw: slavery (past), tw: past abuse, tw: fantasy racism mention, tw: emotional numbness
Tag list: @redwingedwhump, @nine-tailed-whump, @thehurtsandthecomfurts @kixngiggles
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Anna wasn’t sure what to do with herself in the empty tent. It was richly furnished, but mostly unlit. Faint sunlight filtered through vents in the roof, but it took her eyes a while to adjust to the dimness after the glare of the day outside, and even once they had, she couldn’t make out the colors of the elaborately-woven fabrics around her.
She kept her arms around herself for comfort, hunching her shoulders down because even in a tent more than large enough for one person, she felt safer when she could make herself small.
Her new master was still outside, and she couldn’t process any of that. It was like the lump of fear in her throat was choking out her mind, strangling each thought as she tried to think it. Her eyes watered, but as she breathed through her nose to try to keep the tears from falling, she thought about the way it had felt to cry, in spite of herself, in front of the orc chief.
His hands had been gentle. That part was certainly true. He hadn’t been angry at her crying. He hadn’t been angry about anything.
The tent was partitioned into two parts, but the room she was in was clearly a public one, furnished with a large, well-made rug and a generous collection of floor cushions, but also with a large table that held a map case and a carefully-organized set of cartographer’s tools.
Looking around, she decided it was safer to stay in the business half of the room, beside the table. She walked over, studying the solid tabletop and the well-made trestles holding it up. She knelt down next to it, taking a deep breath and trying again to think now that she was tucked out of the way and had less to fear.
She was quite certain she’d never have thought an orc tribe would mean safety, but she was also quite certain she’d never thought humans could be so cruel, even to someone like her.
Yes. The orc chief was gentle. That was a fact. He was gentle, and he was outside. Those were good qualities.
She curled farther into herself, like she always did when she was alone and not on display, kneeling beside a man drunk on his own power.
She closed her eyes, but found only memories of the caravan behind them, of kneeling beside the leader, looking into the fire and waiting to be hurt, again, for his amusement or someone else’s.
She opened her eyes and focused on the cushions on the other side of the room, counting them to give her mind something else to do, something else to focus on to chase away the fact that she was alone and afraid and had no idea what to expect.
By the time she could hear voices outside, speaking in their unfamiliar language, she had calmed herself down, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, but she had no new answers to any of the questions that mattered.
The woman who walked into the room was tall and thin, lankier than she’d expected, but upright and confident. “Did he leave you here in the dark?” she asked, sounding fond but faintly exasperated, “Give me a minute.” She started lighting the lanterns in the tent, illuminating the room with a warm, soft glow that revealed the rich colors of the fabrics around her.
Anna wasn’t sure what to say, but she was afraid to say nothing, so she just whispered, “Yes, ma’am,” hoping it wasn’t a mistake. Perhaps this was the chief’s wife. Perhaps she had a mistress now. She hoped this woman didn’t think she was going to - to - she tipped her head down and stared at the corner of the rug, studying the way its edges were finished and trying not to complete her own thought.
The woman squatted down in front of her, much as the chief had done, and Anna looked up in surprise, meeting the woman’s eyes. They were warm, lined at the corners in a way that suggested this was a woman who both laughed and cried, but laughed more often.
The orc woman reached up and tucked a strand of Anna’s hair gently behind her ear, and she breathed a little easier, recognizing it as what it was - just more proof that the only fact she could be sure of just yet was that these people seemed to choose gentleness first.
“My brother’s made a mess of things, I think,” the woman said, “He told me you seemed upset. Frightened. Wouldn’t tell me what he said, which means it was probably something foolish, but you don’t have to tell me, either. I’m just here to help.”
Anna felt tongue-tied, her brain struggling to keep up. Why were they helping her? What was help going to cost?
"He thinks you need medical help. Though why he asked me instead of the midwife, I couldn’t say. The healer’s gone with the scouts, but if you need more than I can do, he’s not the only one with skills around here.”
Medical help. That much, she could make sense of. “I’m alright,” she said softly, “He asked about my feet, but they’re -” she looked down, not quite willing to look the woman in the eye as she told a half-lie. “They’re not so bad. They hardly hurt at all.”
The woman reached forward and tipped Anna’s chin up. “And those bruises?”
Anna couldn’t look away. She took a deep breath to steady herself instead. “I can take them.”
The woman sighed, her hand dropping away from Anna’s chin. “Yes, he said that too. There’s good grit and bad stubbornness, you know. Make your stand for something you care about. You’ll be alright here.”
“Why are you helping me?” Anna asked in response, hoping the woman’s words had been a challenge and not a trick or a trap. “You don’t even know me.”
The woman smiled. “There’s a better question. Not sure I have an answer, though. You need it . . . or needed it, maybe, if all goes well. Isn’t that enough?”
“Not usually.”
The woman breathed out through her nose, half-laughing as if it had been half a joke, and maybe it had. “Well, I don’t see how that’s a problem with us.”
Anna looked down again. “I . . . didn’t mean to suggest that it was.”
The woman rearranged, sitting down on the floor with her legs tucked neatly to the side, and then reached over to put a hand on Anna’s knee. “Hey,” she said gently, “I’m Djaana. What’s your name?”
Anna felt suddenly too tall, up on her knees while the orcish woman was seated, even though she was pretty sure Djaana was still technically taller. She blushed, tucking her head down a hair farther, as if that would help. “Anna.”
She should have stopped, but instead, her mouth continued, “It’s short for -” before cutting off again. Her tongue felt suddenly thick, dead in her mouth. She hadn’t spoken Elvish in a long time. She hadn’t dared. “It’s a nickname, technically,” she concluded, instead, feeling a mix of shame and relief wash over her at the crisis averted.
"Anna. That’s a pretty name!”
Anna couldn’t be sure if Djaana meant it, or if she was just saying it as an excuse to keep sounding cheerful and gentle.
“Alright, then, Anna. My brother informs me you’ve got burnt feet and welts on your arms and there’s blood on the back of your dress he thinks means wounds underneath it. What hurts the worst?”
Me, she thought, whatever’s inside of me that’s me. It had been a long time since it had mattered what hurt the most, really. It had been a long time since she’d let herself care. But she needed an answer the woman could believe.
“I - most everything’s pretty old,” she said, “But - I guess my back? Master Kir, from the caravan was -” she didn’t know what to call it, “Angry yesterday. It was a bad day of travel. Hot weather, and wagons getting stuck.”
Djaana nodded. “We’ll start by getting that cleaned up, then. Gozukk will be worried if I can’t tell him exactly how injured you are, and there’s no reason to look and not fix. I’ll be back with some clean water. You just sit tight.”
Everything hurt. Nothing hurt. Her soul hurt.
Anna waited, her eyes closed, but this time, what was behind them was simply darkness, and peace, and her own breathing. She knew what the first thing was that the orc chief had said to her. It’s alright. You’re safe now.
Maybe she was.
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