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grippingbeskar · 1 year

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small favours

— joel miller x fem!reader

— warnings: explicit content minors dni, smutttt, dirty talk, very minimal plot sorry not sorry, swearing, needles, mention of injuries/cuts

— a/n: happy tlou release week!! this is set in jackson between the first and second game, i wrote the first part before i saw the show but just imagine with me okay. and it’s literally just bc i saw joel in that denim shirt and went yeah… i wanna fuck him in that. lmao. also dedicated to @everybirdfellsilent because we have been waiting for this show for so long and it’s finally here and oaoxosoxosox. wow.

You hadn’t asked for much.

It was a simple fix, you were sure of it. Yes, you don’t know anything about how to fix hinges, nor do you have any clue about how you broke it in the first place. Either way, it’s just a few screws and a metal piece, so was it really that hard to find five minutes to fix it?

Leading another one of the horses into the stable, you pointedly step over the gate that now lays on the floor, too heavy for you to move it. The horse tramples it, of course, which is why you had asked for someone to come and fix it before the horses were brought back in from patrol. Clearly, no one gave a shit about your question, but you know they’d all be the first to complain if it was their horse that got out through a broken gate.

It was late now, anyways. Too late for you to get anyone out, and even with the safety of Jackson’s walls keeping you blocked off from the outside world, being out at night still freaked you. When you finally got the horse in your hand settled and fed, you promptly sat yourself on the floor of the stable. Without the front gate, it wasn’t safe to leave the horses alone. With your luck, they’d get spooked and run all the way through town, and the last thing you needed was more reason for the people in here to look at you.

It wasn’t that you weren’t liked— you just kept to yourself. This life was hard enough as it is, and you didn’t see the point in making friends when in five years this place would probably be full of strangers. People die every day out here, you knew that too well. You wanted to save yourself the heartache wherever you could.

All that anti social behaviour certainly didn’t win you any favours though— hence the still broken door. You loved it— you were good with horses, having lived in a farm before the outbreak, so you decided to volunteer to help in the stables, but it was hard work sometimes. It kept you busy enough, though, and horses never wanted to make conversation, so… win-win.

There was only one problem with working in here. Truthfully, it wasn’t so much as a problem and more of a chronic condition. At least, that’s the way it felt every time Joel Miller made some kind of appearance. Most people just left the horses tied up out front for you to take care of, but Joel seemed to enjoy the peace the stable provided— that and you never talked much, which seemed to work for him. On the days he’d come back from patrol, the two of you would share a few hushed conversations as you worked and he hid from the rest of Jackson, and then you’d fall into a comfortable silence, sometimes for hours at a time.

Weeks had passed like this, and every single day you got a little bit more interested in who the man really was, other than his clear infatuation with his horse. Right when he came in would be the time you talked the most, after about forty minutes it would get too busy and you’d work until the sun set. But those forty minutes started to stretch a little longer, and he seemed to gain interest in you, too. Maybe you were grasping at straws, but hearing Joel’s low voice rumble a few more words every time he spoke to you was doing wonders for your self esteem, and even you couldn’t deny the way your face warmed when he smiled at you.

“Hey, you still— damn. What happened here?” Joel calls from the gaping hole that is the stable door, and only because it’s his voice calling you do you look up.

“It’s been broken all day. I asked someone to fix it, but…” You shrug, sighing and leaning your head back on the small gate that was the only thing holding the horse behind you from leaping out down the main street. “I guess they had other shit to do. I can’t move it on my own.”

Joel considers you for a second, how your frame is backed against the gate, conveniently placed at the closest point to the open door. Then, he looks back to the door on the ground, and back up to you. He smirks.

“So you were plannin’ on sitting in here all night?” The weight of the day makes your shoulders slump forward, and for the first time you really consider your plan. “You gonna body check a horse when he makes a run for it?”

“Okay, it was a dumb plan. But, it’s that or let them all out and get stuck cleaning up the bar floor or something.” He smiles again, the setting sun behind him washing over his shoulders in a pretty orange colour. A tilt of his head in your direction has you standing up, taking the lead of his horse that he offers to you.

“You take him, I’ll go get my tools. Fix it up before sun down.” Before you can protest or tell him he doesn’t have to, he’s walking off to the right up the hill where his house sits.

You’d always been a bit jealous of the spot his house is. It’s far away enough from everyone that you get some real privacy, but close to the stables if you need a quick exit. He had a porch, too. One you spent a little too much of your time staring at during your work hours, when he spent his off days strumming a guitar right in your line of sight. He was just… peaceful to observe. He brought a calm to you that no one else seemed to be able to do, almost enough that you could forget about the world outside and just exist in that little bubble for a while.

You lead Joel’s horse inside, hearing it trample the door again, and hang up his saddle next to the stable. Joels horse is much like him— quiet unless provoked. You found it out the hard way when you first led it in with a routinely aggressive horse, thinking it’s demeanour would calm him down. The next morning you woke up to two very angry horses and a half bent gate of steel.

“Saved you your favourite spot.” You say to his horse, Old Beardy. You never asked how Joel picked the name, but for some reason it worked so well— at least, he was definitely older than most. “See? He’s right up there.”

The stable at the back was angled just right so that the small window at the height of a horses head pointed directly towards Joel’s porch. Not close enough to see anything other than the outside, but enough that you know it’s there. You don’t come in here often, Joel always taking his own horse in, but when you do you can’t help but notice the instant calming effect it has on Beardy— you might have more in common with this horse than half the people in Jackson.

When you find your way back to the front, Joel’s footsteps are trudging back down the hill. You’ll be fairly useless as anything other than company while he fixes the door, but you can’t seem to stop your heart from racing a million miles a minute as he gets closer and closer. Yes, he makes you forget about everything on the outside, but that’s mainly due to how insane he drives you. All those conversations in the stables and too long looks in town are just all too consuming, and now, when you see him come into sight, you have to put some physical difference between him and you.

“You don’t have to, Joel. Really, I’m sure someone’ll—“

“No, they won’t. Knowin’ the people around here, you’ll be sleepin’ on the floor till next year.” He bends down, and you drop yourself back to the floor and stare in some kind of mesmerised silence as he runs his hands over the broken hinges of the door.

In a few passing thoughts you’d never admit to yourself, you have an obsession with his hands. He was just so…capable. He could do so many things so easily— and some kind of backward wire in your brain fizzled with electricity at the sight of him in his element. He starts fiddling with tools, first starting to remove the broken hinge, muscles flexing as he tears off the old bolts.

“What happened?” He says, the words muffled by the screwdriver in his mouth.

“I have no clue. When I woke up this morning it was blown in. I spent a good hour trying to move it but it’s so—“ With one arm, he pulls it up to stand vertical, a fist wrapping around the edge of the gate. It doesn’t even look like he tried. “—heavy.”

“Come ‘ere and hold it straight.” He says, keeping one arm out in front of him, the other still holding the door up. “I won’t let it fall. Come on.”

“Like this?” You say, staring down at him as you finally reach the door and take a little bit of the weight. He flicks his eyes up, nodding and shifting on his knees to get a better angle on the door.

“Perfect.” He says softly, looking up at you for another split second before clearing his throat and screwing on a new hinge.

“You really didn’t have to do this, but thank-you.” Joel shakes his head, his fingers fiddling with a latch.

“Least I can do. Everyone should be up here helpin’ you anyways.” He stands up, and with only a barrier the width of a gated door, you can feel his body heat keeping you warm when he towers over you. “Keep holding it still.”

“Yeah.” You manage, eyes fluttering closed. “People help, though.”

“Oh, I bet.” He says, sarcasm dripping off his words as he laughs dryly.

“They do! Sometimes… I mean, it’s not their fault. I’m kind of a hermit up here. I don’t really make an effort, so I can’t blame them.” He stops working, his knuckles white over the railing of the gate, and looks to you.

“You’ve trained all these new horses to track better than those guys ever could. They’d die out there without ‘em. Carl doesn’t know his left from right— he got lost eight times last patrol. It’s cause of your horses he got back safe.” Joel’s face is more serious, his eyes sharp but still with a hint of softness that he often looks at you with. “Doesn’t matter if you ain’t makin’ friends. This ain’t middle school, and people should be helpin’ you no matter what. Least of all fixing a door.”

“That’s why I keep you around, Joel.” You smile lightly, his voice getting lower the angrier he gets.

“Good. You tell me next time, and I’ll come round and help. Avoid the whole town all together.” You hum, letting go of the gate as he hauls it up in the air and shuffled backward, setting it against the hinges. “How do you know so much about horses?”

“I lived on a farm, way back when. Besides, they’re easy to navigate once you get to know them.” Joel puts the screwdriver back in his mouth, and you can’t help but stare at him. The small scars on his face, peppered around his cheeks. Some are older, worn and faded, while the one across his nose is new. It’s not even scarred yet, still fresh

“You okay?” He says softly, tilting his head.

“Your face.” His eyebrows furrow, and you shake your head. “Sorry. You… did something happen on patrol? You have a cut—“

“Just a few clickers. Real old, hauled up in a caravan out west. Nothing we couldn’t handle.” The door drops into place, and he swings it out towards him. It sounds less squeaky than it usually did. “Good as new.”

“You should clean it.” You say, worry edging in your voice. “If it was clickers.”

“I’m fine.” He shrugs it off.

“Come on. It’s the least I can do. I have a first aid kit in the back, and then we can call it even.” He relents, locking the door behind him and stepping further into the stables. “Sit. I’ll get the kit.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You can hear a small smirk on his voice, and you roll your eyes, turning around to find the kit. “Why you got a first aid kit in here anyways?”

“You’re using it now, aren’t you?” You turn around, raising your eyebrows. “You’d be surprised how many people come here before going to medical. I started to stock up a little, do what I can. It’s not much, but I can clean it off and do some botched stitches until they see a real doctor.”

“And none of those guys came up to fix the god damn door?” He was getting angry again, and you tried to ignore the shiver that went up your spine when he spoke like that.

He was sitting on a small stool, putting him about waist height. When you stepped closer, shuffling your feet on the floor, he tilted his head up. His open legs invited you closer, nearly drawing you in with a magnetic field he was completely unaware of.

Armed with a cotton ball and disinfectant, your fingers were light enough to breeze along his jaw to hold him in place. He stares up at you, watching your eyes as they flit between the cut on his nose and his wandering gaze. His face is warm when you work up the courage to place your palm on his cheek, thumb gently smoothing over the salt and pepper flecks of his beard. He doesn’t flinch away when you press the cotton ball to his face, swiping across the bridge of his nose.

“Does it hurt?” You whisper, feeling the need to keep your voice low.

“No.” He does the same, the heat of his body making you shuffle slightly closer. His hands are in fists on his knees, like he’s straining to keep himself still. “Told you it was fine.”

“And I told you I wanted to help.” When you’re satisfied with the results, you take a fresh cotton pad and dry it up. “You might need stitches. It’s deep.”

“Go on.” He says, and you lean back, eyes wide.

“You want me to stitch your face together?”

“Good practise, and I trust you.” The simple words have your heart slamming against your rib cage, but instead of showing it you kneel in between his legs and search the contents of the kit for a needle.

“If I mess up your face, you knew what you signed up for.” When you find what you’re looking for, you straighten, Joel’s face is right in front of you. It takes you a second to realise just how close he is, and the position isn’t lost on him either. It’s probably the most emotive you’ve seen him, his jaw going tight from how hard he’s biting down.

“It’s already messed up. You’re fine.” He manages, his voice strained.

“Hold still.” Whispering the words, you lean closer and bring the needle to his skin. His eyes close, and it’s when you press the point into his nose that his hands shoot out in front of him, holding your hips gently.

“Sorry. Shit—“

“It’s fine. Are you okay?” He grunts in a way you think is affirming, so you keep threading the needle. You only need one stitch for a spot this small. “Your face isn’t messed up.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not. Messed up.” You feel his thumbs stroke along the bone of your hip just once before he stills again. You tie off the stitch, and his eyes open. “There. You’re pretty again.”

Your breathing was rapid even though you didn’t have a true reason for it, but neither of you moved. His hands— strong and so fucking capable, holding you still on your knees in front of him. His eyes were pools, inviting you in with a gleam of something shiny, and where you were nearly gasping he was calm and collected. In his element, like he was right where he should be.

The whole stable was a dull orange now, the colours dusting through the strands of Joel’s hair. It’s never really sitting right, wind whipping it out of control on patrol, but you have the urge to run your hands through it anyway. You let yourself explore one small piece of him, like he has to you, and your fingertips run back over the shell of his ear, tangling in his hair. He sucks in a short breath, leaning into the hold of your hand.

“Joel.” You say, voice so soft he would of never heard you if you weren’t so close, but you call for him and he leans closer. Your foreheads nearly touch, and his hands tighten their hold on you.

“Thank you, darlin’.” You sigh deeply, unable to keep yourself upright at the nickname. It rings through you, his accent strong and adding an entire other layer to why he’s so easy to fall into. You don’t even really notice how dark it’s gotten— you usually have sprinted home by now. But Joel’s here, and with him this close, you can’t think of anything else. He leans closer, and your eyes flutter closed.

“Can I kiss you?” He says, the brush of his lips against yours sending a tidal wave of need from your head to your feet.

“Only if you hurry up.” You answer helplessly, voice cracking, and he smiles against you and finally brings his mouth to yours.

It’s anything but calm. That peaceful energy of the stables is completely shattered and sorted into something electrical and sizzling. He yanks you forward, bodies pressing together as you use the leverage of your hand fisted in his hair to kiss him harder and deeper. It doesn’t take long before his tongue is swiping along your bottom lip, seeking permission.

You let him in— you’d let him do whatever he asked for if he kept pouring himself into you like this. He tasted good, which should be impossible but when you’ve been starved of something for this long it doesn’t matter what he does it’s just that he’s giving it to you. He moves his hands to the small of your back, pressing your hips right in the middle of his open legs, his other hand on the back of your head.

You feel him groan when you press together, the sound waking up parts of you that had been dormant for far too long. It was like he had access to each nerve in your body, and every little sound or touch had them blaring red and sparking.

“Fuck, darlin’. Come closer.” He groans into your mouth before kissing you again. You smile for a moment, not entirely sure how you could get any closer, and then it’s wiped off when he hauls you upward, hooking your legs around his waist on the stool. “Yeah. Right here.”

Your arms cling around his neck, his own searching up and down your body. Your shirt rides up with the movements and you moan every time he grazed along your skin. There’s something equally hard and soft about his hands— rough from years of work but soft with the way they hold you up, how they’re careful not to dip too low or high. You arch your back, giving him wordless permission, and he groans into your mouth again.

At some point you have to breath— both of you gasping for air in the quiet of the darkened stables. He brings his hands to your face, holding you against his forehead so he can look into your eyes. He was smiling too— like actually smiling, not that half smirk you’ve seen so often.

“What are we doin’?” He laughs, kissing you again.

“I don’t know, but can we keep going somewhere that doesn’t smell like horse shit?” You whisper and he laughs again. It’s sounds so good— like the sound of the beginning of your favourite song. It makes your heart sing, melting you into the tune. “Please, Joel. I really want…”

“Tell me, baby.” He moves, angles your head with swift moves of his fingers so he can kiss you lower. Under your jaw, and then he drags his mouth down, along your neck, teeth nipping softly… “Fuck knows I wanna hear you say it.”

“You. I really want you.” He hums against your skin, one arm hooking under your ass as he stands easily. You squeal, muffling the sound in the mop of hair on his head. As you walk outside, there’s only a few people still mulling around, and they turn their heads towards you when they hear your soft laughter mixed with Joel’s— two sounds that seem to alarm them more than clickers.

For the first time since you’d been here, you really don’t care if people are looking at you, or what they’re saying. When Joel locks the gate behind you and slides you down his chest to let your feet touch the floor, you are reminded once again of his ability to remove every single thought from your mind except him. Just him, and his hands on your hips, spinning you around and leading you up the hill towards his house. How every so often he’ll bend down, pressing his lips lightly to the back of your neck, and how you can feel his smile on your skin.

He guides you easily, your body on auto pilot to his small gestures, and when you finally rush up the few steps of his porch— one you’ve spent way too much time staring at from afar, you’re both attached to each others face like horny teenagers. He fumbles with the doors lock, jamming keys with aggressive force while his other hand stays soft and sweet on your waist, holding you against him. When the door gives out behind you he never lets you stumble, taking you in his stride with practised precision. You’ve seen the inside of his house, but never the layout, so as he guides you blindly through the hallway, your shut eyes and occupied mouth never see it coming when you fall backwards onto a bed.

“Let me take this off.” He mumbles against your lips, tugging at your shirt and jacket. In a tangle of limbs you both shove at the material, finally hooking it over your head. He presses you flat against the mattress again, hanging over you and running his hands up and down your sides in long, soothing strokes. “God damn gorgeous.”

“Your turn.” The blaze in his eyes dulls slightly at your comment, and he just bends to kiss you again. He links your hands in his own, pulling you away from where they were tugging at his shirt. “Joel.”

“Nothin’ there you wanna see, baby. Just let me look at you.” As sweet as his voice sounds, and as much as you want him to continue, you pull away from his greedy mouth.

“Please take your fucking shirt off.” You say harshly, biting at his bottom lip hard enough for his eyes to open again. He looks over you, taking in the sight of you under him with your arms pinned above your head, back arched towards him. He’s clearly contemplating how difficult it would be to ignore you, smirking a little when he looks up at your hands again.

“Or what? You gonna make me stop?” He kisses under your jaw, his free hand skating along your side, only stopping when his fingers reach the hem of your jeans. When he hears you gasp as his hand disappears under the fabric, he laughs. “Nah, you won’t make me stop. Want it just as bad as I do, don’t you?”

“But I want—“

“Shh, shh. I’ll give you what you want.” His mouth his dizzying— words and movements hot against your skin as his hand bypasses your underwear and drags slow circles against your clit, immediately drawing his name from your lips again. “There you go, darlin’. Feels good?”

“God— yeah, faster. Please.” Your chest was rising and falling so fast, trying to pull the air he was punching out of your lungs with every quick movement of his fingers. He hums at the praise, and you feel him shift above you, sitting up so he could slip one finger inside of you. “Fuck, Joel!”

“I know, baby.” He tilts his head up to kiss you again, tongue matching the fast and unpredictable pace of his hand. You can feel it building— pleasure rippling up your spine and fizzing low in your stomach, and your hands tug under Joel’s unrelenting grip.

He seems to forget he was meant to be holding you, his groans and concentration all focused on the way he was fucking you with his hand, so he lets you go, his hand going to hold your face. It makes you smile under him, but it quickly gets lost when you moan his name again, rolling your hips against him.

Now your hands are free, you have a moment of clarity when your eyes flutter open and see him staring at you; eyes flitting between your face and your chest. You want to have that— to see skin you’ve only thought about in the late hours of the night when you were alone, never admitting it to yourself when you woke the next day. You grab onto the hem of his shirt, ripping the denim up as far as you can, getting your hands on the bare skin of his back.

He doesn’t help you— too obsessed with the way you are writhing and moaning so loud the poeple down the street will know what your doing. Neither of you care about anything else than this, right here, and the fiery hot spark that’s lighting you up inside.

“Shirt, Joel.” You tug at the collar, then card your fingers through his hair and pull. He grumbles something, and then you whimper when his hand leaves you and he sits up on his knees. He was out of breath, towering over you and keeping you caged underneath him as he tore the shirt over his head and threw it behind him. When he leans back down, he doesn’t give you the time to admire him that you’d like, but you take what he gives you. He shoves your own jeans down, shaking them off you in one tug, and your eyes hardly have time to open before you feel the backs of your calves press against the flexing muscles of his bare shoulders.

“Perfect.” He says, speech almost slurred, and the look he gives you reminds you of the one he gave you in the barn. Before you can think enough on it, both of his hands hold your hips down and he gives you one last look before he buried his face in your pussy.

It doesn’t take much to have you screaming his name again, that sweet hot pleasure that was building so quickly comes rushing back with the wet heat of his mouth. He eats you out like he’s fucking hungry for it— pulling borderline shouts from deep in your chest, like something is bashing against your ribcage, only awoken by his complete and utter devotion. His tongue swirls and fingers curl, and you lose sense of direction, clawing at his hair and feeling his groan when you pull him into you.

There’s no where to go, stuck under his weight as he dives into your taste, at his mercy entirely. It was so different to see him undone— a sight you wouldn’t be able to forget next time he came into the stables all soft eyes and short words. No, here he was holding your eye contact, groaning your name as if you were the one doing this to him. He gave you no choice but to hurtle towards the edge of consciousness, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hold out under him much longer.

“Joel. Joel— fuck.” His lips wrap around your clit, sucking gently while his fingers curl inside you in a spot that has you seeing stars. “Oh, god—“

He doesn’t say anything when you cum, just groans into your pussy as he guides you through it. He sets pace and intensity, both of which are hard and almost unbearable, and he only drags himself away when you beg him to. Your legs shake, his hands smoothing over your thighs as his mouth presses wet kisses up your skin, over your stomach and chest, finally reaching your mouth with an overwhelming force.

You hum, tasting the combination of you and him together on his tongue, taking everything he needs to give you. He shuffles up, and you feel his cock pressing hard against your thigh, still straining in his jeans. You let him kiss you lazily, let him explore you this way while your hands busy themselves between your bodies, unzipping his jeans. When your palm brushes over his length still covered by his boxers, he hisses and his eyebrows furrow, like the pleasure is almost painful. You do it again and he shudders, pressing his forehead to yours.

“You’re so soft.” He murmurs past your ear when you slip your hand under the waistband. When your fingers wrap around him, you stay true to his word and stay light with your touch, not wanting him to finish just yet. You want to make it good for him— draw it out. Pay him back for everything he gave to you; not just tonight, but every night. “So fucking soft. Sweet.”

“You like that?” You ask innocently, stroking him again. Your thumb brushes over his tip and he shudders again, nearly shivering. “I can be gentle. Want you inside me, though.”

“Whatever you want. Fuck— anything you want to do to me. Please, baby. Not gonna last long if you keep doing that.” A single please was enough to grant him a thousand wishes, but you’ll settle for giving him just one.

He helps rid himself of the rest of his clothes, no insecurity in sight with the lower half of his body. There was no need to be… he was big. It made sense— he was a big guy, but it wasn’t just that. He was just… perfect.

“Eyes on me.” He says, pulling your gaze away from where your bodies are about to meet. “I want to see your face when I…”

He trails off when his tip lines up with your entrance. You bite your lip in anticipation, feeling the soaked pleasure coating him as he finally slides himself further and further. You both sigh, like a weight is being lifted from both of you. As if this was the way you were both meant to be.

He bottoms out, head buried in the crook of your neck as he chokes out your name. You feel full— the weight and stretch holding you to the bed, your arms strung lazily around his neck. Your fingers wander down his spine, keeping that soft lilt to your touch that he seems to thrive under. For all his hardness and strength, it’s the lightest touches that seem to crumble him the most.

“Fuck, baby. Feel so good around me.” Joel never speaks for the fun of it, but he says these things like he needs to. Strained and focused, like it’s a compulsion to tell you how good it feels. “Needed to fuck you for so long. You gonna let me make you feel good, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Joel. Please, I need— need you to move.” You whine like a spoilt child, and you are now that you’ve had a taste. He laughs once, a breathless sound, and then pulls out nearly all the way, only to slide back in with that same trained pace.

“Good girl.” He groans, and then picks up the pace.

It’s devastating. It’s the only way to describe it. He fucks you hard and slow, slowly etching himself into parts of your being you aren’t entirely sure he didn’t just create himself. Like he’s forged apart of you just for him, something low and hot, and he hits it with every, perfectly timed thrust. The bed rocks under him, but he doesn’t seem to care. Its creaks and groans are drowned out by his words and both of your moans.

You are incoherent— overcome by pleasure that shocks even the nerves in your fingers and toes, but it seems to have the opposite effect on Joel. He doesn’t fucking shut up— and it’s about the hottest thing you’ve ever experienced.

“So fucking tight around me.”

“God, you feel good.”

“You are so beautiful.”

“Gonna fuck you for days.” Is the last one you hear before his groans turn to borderline whimpers, his pace stuttering as you feel the coil in your stomach tighten and snap all at once. “Oh, fuck that’s it. Cum again for me. Jesus Christ—“

“Joel.” You can only whisper now— voice so strained that nothing could come out but his name. Your eyes roll back and you feel him fuck into you one or two more times, and then he pulls out and replaces himself with his hand. You ride out your pleasure on his skilled fingers, another wave of heat numbing you when you feel him spill onto your stomach, your back arching off the bed.

The room is suddenly dead quiet, nothing but panting breaths filling the silent house. He is still hanging over you, you can feel both of his forearms next to your head as he leans down to kiss you again. The warmth of his body is lifted just enough for him to use something soft to clean you off, and then he collapses beside you, tugging you onto his chest.

He runs his hand through your hair, stopping at your jaw to tilt you up. He kisses you again, the lack of oxygen making you giddy and dizzy, and you break the kiss only because your smiling so wide.

“What’s so funny?” He says, trying to be serious, but even in the dark you can see his matching grin.

“Just happy. Can I be happy?” It’s meant to be light hearted, but you feel him stop for a second, and then he tugs you a little closer.

“Yeah. Yeah, you can be.” He tucks you under his chin, sighing deeply as the rest of your body turns into him and tangles itself with him. “I am.”

You open your eyes a final time, seeing the pitch black dark outside. If it was light, you’d be able to see the stable from here, but it’s black out there. Usually it would make you uneasy, but tucked up under Joel’s safe arms, there’s nothing in the world that could make you feel more at peace.

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professorcalculusstanaccount · 11 months

Note

"when strangers mistake me for his father i don't correct them" just break my goddamn heart why don't you. i love this and the rest of your art so so SO much and i'm dying to hear more of your thoughts on tintin and haddock's father-son/chaotic uncle-nephew dynamic, because it's one thing i wish had been developed further in canon, especially with tintin's move to marlinspike hall

Haddock and Tintin invented the found family trope! Their dynamic means so much to me, while my post canon series seems to be about Tintin and Chang's relationship it's actually more about Tintin and Haddock's found family bond and how it changes as Tintin grows older.

My thoughts on their dynamic are under the cut. It's Fathers' Day in the UK this Sunday, so happy Fathers' Day!

Haddock had a terrible childhood and has low self esteem, but values his ability as a sailor. Even that is shaken when his crew mutinies and kidnaps a teenager. As a result Haddock feels an enormous sense of guilt and responsibility for Tintin

He looks up to Tintin a lot, he inspires Haddock to always strive to be better!

He doesn't understand what Tintin sees in him but Tintin's positivity easily outshines any doubts about their friendship. Tintin brings that childlike wonder Haddock missed out on in his own childhood. Haddock goes out of his way to do stuff with Tintin he never got to do with his father, like going to the theatre or trips to the seaside.

Initially Tintin tolerates Haddock, but he proves himself with his sailing prowess in The Shooting Star. While Tintin is brave and proactive he's very introverted and closed off from people, having gained dangerous enemies at such a young age.

At first he's not used to having someone look out for him but grows to deeply appreciate Haddock. A colleague at work said Haddock is like that one middle aged guy you befriend at a job you got as a teenager and you become ride or die with through trauma bonding and I think he's exactly right!

Even though he's his best friend Tintin still keeps him at a distance. Haddock doesn't know his legal name or anything about his past. Tintin rarely opens up about personal problems out of fear of worrying him.

As Haddock has pinned so much of his self worth on Tintin, in my post canon series Haddock is forced to re-examine his friendship with him.

Haddock gets into a secret romantic relationship with Ramo Nash and gets some well earned down time from adventures, taking up painting as a hobby. It's the first time he's had time to find himself outside of being Tintin's adventuring companion, and realises he may have to make the painful decision between his best friend or staying true to himself. It's a decision he knew he had to make for a long time.

Haddock invites Chang to live in Marlinspike during his year as an exchange student in hopes he'll keep Tintin out of trouble. When Chang ends up joining in on the adventures instead Haddock is taken aback by how competent he is, and how seemingly effortlessly he is able to keep up with Tintin. Watching a younger fitter person does bring up some insecurities in him, but he later appreciates that this means he could sometimes take a break and let Chang go get shot at instead!

Tintin's tendency to keep his personal problems to himself drives a rift between them as he desperately tries to navigate coming to terms with being gay. Even though homosexuality was legal in Belgium at the time there's still a stigma, and Haddock and Tintin are terrified of losing each other's respect.

When Haddock finds out Tintin is also gay he is overjoyed, he vows to look out and to always be a safe haven for him. He grew up in fear and in the closet, so is determined to be the father figure he never had himself.

Haddock is very supportive of Tintin and Chang, but as Tintin grows closer to Chang and spends more time with him Haddock can't help but feel a little insecure. It's normal for parental figures to feel that way.

As Haddock grows older and less physically able to travel, Tintin worries if his deteriorating health is his fault. Haddock makes sure to nip this fear in the bud, and lets him know how proud he is of what they were able to do. As Haddock settles into retirement with Ramo, Tintin and Chang visit frequently to help take care of them.

Haddock never officially adopts Tintin despite everything, just in case the Haddock family curse still persists. Also "Tintin Haddock" is an absolutely awful sounding name.

Neither Haddock or Tintin can stand spiders. They get Nestor or Calculus to deal with that

imagine All of Tintin's Father Figures in a group chat in a modern AU, Haddock, Calculus, Skut, Mr Wang, Ramo Nash... The Council of Dads (Castafiore is in it too, she counts)

#tintin #captain haddock #archibald haddock #asks #animation #2d animation #gifset #adventures of tintin #every time i try to keep things short i cant lol #please do not tag this as the ship #people have made weird comments on older posts where i explicitly portray them as a father son sort of thing #normally i dont go out of my way to do much because hey its just silly fanart #but please dont do that on this post #man i have so many Ideas and asks but will i find time to do anything with them #reverse artists block #i have too much in my head rn

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elvestoneanzelote1 · 4 months

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I just come up with a great idea and I like it so much smh 😭

Can you do a yandere Atsushi and yandere Dazai (separately) with a reader who really have low self-esteem? It's so low to the point that even if you call them a b-word, degrading them and they would go "Oh thank you so much for wasting your time on taking care of sth like me!" with a happy face.

Surprisingly, the reader also know about that and used it to their advantage, would even victimized themselves just to get what they want.

They would be very caring towards Atsushi and manipulate (bribe, promise, not breaking his mind even more) him into doing what they want without question asked (not like he would anyway) but with Dazai, they would like to see how pathetic he is for wanting their affection, knowing they are the only one could make him gets on his knees and begs that he would be a good pet for them.

Yea, the reader can be a low self-esteem person but also can be a meanie if they want to, but only to their yanderes tho (especially those who that are hard to break like Dazai, Mori, Ranpo,... With those who are easy to break, they would just manipulate them and giving loves)

I want to see this type of reader sometimes but there aren't many, you're my last hope for my fantasy! 😭

This is my first time requesting this so I'm so nervous omg 💀

Oh and, you can call me Ry.

𝙰:𝚗- 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚁𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜.

𝙴𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝.

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚎: 𝚍𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒, 𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚔𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚊.

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚐𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚈/𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚖.

𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘖𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶.

The only reason how even does Dazai find you appealing is a question itself. Don't get him wrong he love you a lot but.

Your low self esteems and often shyness and couldn't even take a single insult make him wonder why he choose to be with you.

You are indeed a kind women who listen to him and indeed you were there with him when he quit Port Mafia.

He met you during his stay in underground.

Perhaps fate.

But he is still cautious of his words approaching you was an attempt.

A very hard attempt.

As you often be surrounded by people.

But one time he realise his mistake when he got angry at you.

As you mistakenly tied his bandages in wrong shape.

He won't be mad at you for silly reason but he was as his mood was already ruin by the people.

Your eyes were watery as you gaze to the ground avoiding to stare at him.

"I guess you are... Right I am a failure.. A b*tch" you muttered walking away with drag feet.

As much as he was angry he doesn't want you to leave him.

Your the only company he tolerates and somehow you care for him. Maybe you care for the others too.

He was the one who used two years of his and yours to lurred you to follow him.

Yes you are indeed a professional at finding and erasing people records. And no it wasn't your ability but purely skill.

I guess that's also a reason he feel connected to you.

He pampered you with hugs which you never ask but you comply so that you can get what you want.

He buy things for you... Well Kunikida money was at stake too.

He buy the new bag you often shyly mentions.

He knew somehow you want him to comply on your wishes which is why he call you.

"A cheeky chipmunk with greed like an elephant"

You negatively took it.

Yet he didn't bother to console you and only said it was the truth.

Somehow with his sarcasm you eventually somehow got used to it somehow.

But... He is seriously protective of you. Especially as you do not have an ability he prefer you to be on sideline.

He does get jealous when Ranpo and you talk to each other more.

Both of you were a sweet fan

And Ranpo fondness towards you for having no ability but pure skill make him praise you.

Dazai is the one drag you away from Ranpo who often get confused of why yet Yosano mention jealousy which Ranpo was more confused.

Dazai will make sure you spend less time with the others and only focus on him in exchange of your sly demands on things.

He cannot make you leave him right? Of course if you does so... He will make sure the same imply to you that... You only rely on him and only him.

𝘕𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘫𝘪𝘮𝘢 𝘈𝘵𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪.

At first he really admired you from afar.

You the lady who eventually gave him a bread when he was starving on the outside world.

Your gently smile and kindness make him fall for you as he met you again during the Agency time.

You recognise him, oh how happy he was.

He blindly ignore you trying to get information from him about the agency.

He smile at you making you annoyed but you were patient to fulfil your mission and the thought to end him often linger onto you.

As money problem is the reason why you even work for the other group.

But when they insulted you for been weakass and couldn't take out a single useful info about agency. Unaware Atsushi stalk you so that you will be safe that day.

But his anger boil when he saw you cry.

"Repeat it! You are a whore who cannot do anything! Right"

"...I am a who-" before you uttered that word right in your eyes in split seconds the senior of yours was cut to half.

There stay a full transformed tiger as you fall on your kness afraid.

Yet the tiger ate those people as the whole group was eaten only some blood splattered on the floor most were droplets of blood.

"D-dont kill me, I-I am just a-"

"Y/n" said the tiger as your eyes widen when it detransformed back to a human.

You feel yourself vomiting out as you realise Atsushi ate away your colleagues those who pay you.

The blood beside his lips make you back away in fear.

Before you beg for his mercy he hugged you dearly.

Then it click to your mind and you happily agreed to be with him as you would rather prefer a home then leave in streets pretending to be a noble women who is kind and give bread to others but eventually you are starving more then them

A grave mistake on your part even if he gave it all to you as much as he could.

You never able to leave his sight ever again.

𝘒𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘢 𝘋𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰.

He couldn't even uttered a word to you. You often lose your cool.

You were a teacher like him, a substitute teacher whereas he teaches math you teaches English.

Your self esteem was so low that you came crying when the kids eventually throw papers at you and make fun of you.

He was the one who scared them all for you.

Now that he thinks about he misses you a lot.

But that thought vanish when he saw you out in a park.

People were shock as the guy slapped you across your face.

As tears fall from your eyes as you gripped your bag tightly.

"What a moron can't even bear a single slap" said the other women as the guy cooed at his women while you were a victim of embarrassment.

"What's going on?" Asked Kunikida who approach the scene as The other women point a finger on you.

"She was begging my boyfriend to be hers! Even if she knew I was his girlfriend"

As people muttered how disgusting you were to eyed another man as Kunikida let out a sighed and slapped the women like how the man slapped you.

Your eyes widen as you finally look up to see Kunikida and the man anger.

"How dare you hurt my girlfriend!?"

"These lady here is the side women who stole y/n the victim here boyfriend more likely they both used her. She was a good friend of this women who seduced the boyfriend a vile women"

"I'm not! What proofed-"

Kunikida simply played a voice recorder where they mention about the money you gave to your boyfriend for his business.

Kind you were only to help your boyfriend.

He eventually arrest them both for manipulating you and taking your money.

People gasped in shock as they eventually start pointing the other two for such audacity to victimised a victim as the fault.

Kunikida approach you with the money.

"Here... You alright y/n?"

"Y-yeah thank you..." You said as you gently smile a bit.

He was worried as you were in questioning term how he knows about you and the whole affair thing.

And when did he record it. (Thanks to Katai).

He have been looking out for you some weeks now.

"Thanks again... Umm..."

He was disappointed by your confused face.

"Kunikida Doppo"

"Ah! The colleague!"

"Y-yeah" he muttered as he blush away by your happy smiled.

He couldn't help but feel happy to meet you again.

All this time he realise you were indeed an ideal match for him.

But sometimes he is concern of your low self-esteem as you often kick out of job because of that.

"Live in with me then"

"Huh?"

"I know it is not idealistic but... I want you to live with me I will take care of money as you can work at my apartment that way no worries for money and rent as you can repay-"

You hugged him happily in joy. Oh how glad you were to bring it up.

Kunikida couldn't help but be flustered.

But you knew you couldn't get what you want on things of sort after all... Kunikida will and make you an ideal women of his.

Despite you trying to refuse but somehow you knew... Instead of you manipulating him he is the one gaslight you intot submission.

People assume you both as green flag perhaps you were but... The saying goes two red flags make it green.

A:n- that is all good day/night to all!

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amysubmits · 4 months

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Do you think a woman that has been in relationships previously that were abusive (physically, verbally, financially, emotionally or any one of the above) can ever truly submit? Or is that self-protection wall just too much of a barrier to this dynamic? The D/s dynamic is so appealing at first consideration, bc she would want to build that deep trust and have that open communication, find that place of safety that she never had.

But then her mind jumps even quicker to those thoughts of “I’m not enough”, “I’m not wanted” “I’m not desired”, the downward cascade is endless and so she hits the road for self-preservation.

In your opinion is that insurmountable?

So, disclaimer - I'm no mental health professional, just a traumatized ND person who has had psychology and therapy as an interest and hyperfixations several times in my life, and who has 5ish years of being in therapy as a client.

I wonder what you mean by 'truly submit', to be honest.

I think most people (not just women) have experienced at least a little abuse at some point in their life...and I think literally all people have experienced at least a little trauma. And abuse and other causes of trauma can definitely lead people to be unable to let go of control and/or to trust. So, I think abuse can make submission harder. I think abuse and trauma are really common causes for specific hard limits. For example, if someone had been verbally abused as a child and told they were stupid, that may have a really direct correlation with why they might make verbal degradation a hard limit. Or it can be a more vague relationship. Maybe they weren't outright called stupid or verbally abused, but they were emotionally neglected and part of that meant they were never told good things about themselves, but were criticized frequently. So they have low self esteem as a result of having their shortcomings highlighted but not having their strengths highlighted - this may cause them to be unable to tolerate being verbally degraded in a BDSM context. Different causes, but essentially the same trauma and outcome.

On the other hand...sometimes abuse or other forms of trauma makes people people-pleasers who are prone to fawning or freezing. They may have the same internal beliefs that you mentioned - I'm not good enough, I'm not wanted, etc - but rather than that leading them to avoid submission, it may make them submit in ways they shouldn't. For those people, submission may be harder because they will try to submit when they should be setting limits. These people may be misread as deeply submissive, but if they are agreeing to what their dom says out of a trauma response and not out of a true choice, then IMO, that is a big problem. So anyway...I think abuse can make D/s or BDSM hard. It can pose challenges that have to be navigated very delicately. I think it can (and should!) result in hard limits being set. Do I think it impedes 'true' submission? I don't like that 'true' word as I think it's often used to mean unhealthy things. But I don't think abuse keeps people from D/s or BDSM generally speaking. To me, submitting does not mean having as few limits as possible. Submitting means being as open and honest and vulnerable with your Dom as you can be given the amount of trust that you've built together - and submitting in the ways that you've agreed to and that are healthy for you to do so. What is healthy for one person may not be healthy for another. Being the best submissive possible is a totally personal, individual thing.

That may mean that you never submit in certain areas. If you have financial trauma, you may never submit to financial control, for example. That can be being the BEST submissive possible because it means you know your needs enough to advocate for not having your trauma triggered and that is being a great submissive, helping your dom protect you from harm. Where for someone else, learning to submit in that area might feel like their best submission. It's totally individualized.

#asks #d/s

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daily-hanamura · 3 months

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Do you ever think about how Chie (and Yukiko iirc?) have both previously called Yosuke a disappointment, meaning they were, albeit in part, one of the reasons for his low self esteem

Obviously they didn't do it on purpose, since Yosuke always tries to act like those words don't phase him, always acting like he's very confident

But I wonder, if he were to ever open up to them and start showing his more sensitive side in general, how would the girls react? Like would they feel a bit guilty or something?

Many thoughts... many very, very disorganized thoughts......

Oooooh yeah I do indeed think about this, and apart from Chie and Yukiko, Teddie has also described Yosuke as a "prince of disappointment"/"everyone's favourite disappointment"

Yosuke, of course, also being the one that calls himself a disappointment the most.

So this is just my perspective based on my life experience, but I think that to some extent, it very much reflects the kind of humour that was very pervasive around that time. As a millennial it's pretty typical for friends to rib into each other as banter (see also Yosuke to Kanji) and to employ self-deprecation as a joke, and it's kind of a mark of friendship -- you really only do that to people that you're very close friends with, because it's about in-group jokes (e.g. Chie can call Yosuke a disappointment, but that random classmate can't) and a reflection of just how well you know a person.

It's kind of complicated to talk about because I'm not saying that it was necessarily good, since it can be quite insensitive if you're not conscious of someone's personal issues. And some people definitely don't enjoy that sort of humour, because it's also highly, highly contextual and easy to misread. Some bullies also use that as a justification for why they're saying mean things, which is especially unpleasant in the workplace LOL. I feel like as I've gotten older this has become less common? Or maybe I'm just not as comfortable with the friends I've made in adulthood to want to readily rip into them? But then again I have maybe three friends I'm willing to banter like this with and we've been close friends for about a decade, which I think kind of drives home the point I'm making about how this is the kind of joke you only make with people that you've been through a lot with, which the IT are. I think it's humour that's meaningful in the narrative context because it's a signpost that indicates their shared experience in the TV world was no trivial thing, just like how Yosuke calling Yu "aibou" reflects the same sentiment.

But, as you said, because of how Yosuke puts on an act of confidence, I don't think most people pick up on it other than Yu, because Chie, Yukiko and Teddie probably just think it's part of the bit that Yosuke is doing (Yosuke also refuses to show his weaknesses to anyone other than Yu, but that's probably another conversation). One of the weaker spots of P4/G (and P5), I feel, is that it isn't as revealing about the interpersonal relationships between characters outside of the protag character. Which I don't really expect, but it was really nice to see in P3. So all we have to go on is the spin offs, and I think if we compare Chie and Yukiko's distanced friendliness with Yosuke in the Magician manga vs their expression of reliance and dependence on Yosuke in P4AU, for example, we can see that developed dynamic.

Would they feel guilty? Probably, but they're also teenagers who are still figuring out interpersonal interactions and personal boundaries (and this goes for Yosuke as well), and I think this friction is sometimes just part and parcel of growing up. I do think that if Chie and Yukiko realise that Yosuke does have a sore spot about it they'd change the way they speak with him because they genuinely care about him, especially as they mature into adulthood.

Going a little off tangent now and this is just my headcanon, but I also wonder if Yosuke initiated that sort of humour with Chie and Yukiko shortly after their rescue to help them relax. Yosuke likes to use humour to diffuse tension (which doesn't always work) but it's not hard to imagine him sensing awkwardness from the two of them (they really weren't close friends at all prior to the TV world), so he makes himself the butt of a joke to get them to laugh, and when they latch on to it he's actually kind of happy because it means he's done something useful. (ngl ever since I saw Tamami's clown motif stage in p4d I have not stopped thinking about her parallels with Yosuke)

#asks #12neonlit-stage #sorry for the very late and very long response LOL this has been marinating in my brain for weeks #and then I had to deal with deadlines and phew

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arcadiabaytornado · 9 months

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I wish the dynamic between between Victoria and Rachel was explored more over Before The Storm because they are so interesting.

In canon, we know that Rachel and Victoria aren't that different. They're both considered beautiful by their classmates and have strong ambitions that drive them to sometimes treat others poorly. They're popular and close with Nathan, often associated with the Vortex Club.

Yet they're so different. Rachel is a dragon made of diamonds, and Victoria is a doll made of glass. She's so insecure and can never live up to Rachel because of how she holds herself back.

While they both have their beauty commented on, the ugliness of Victoria's personality is also often the subject of conversation. Unlike Rachel, who is addressed in many different ways, but seems far more liked than Vic.

That's because she's a chameleon. Or otherwise known as someone who can read people and easily slip into a friend group. This is not true for Blackwell's resident mean girl, who is only close with Taylor and Nathan despite being in a big school club.

Their insecurities are also hugely different. While it's easy to see Victoria as this bully who has low self esteem, Rachel is so complicated and complex the fandom is still arguing over who she really is six years after the release of Before The Storm. That's because Rachel was able to hold her mask in place until the day she died while Victoria's falls and shatters with the slightest touch.

It's so clear that Victoria wears a mask because she wants to be like Rachel. She wants into a room and have it be full of people who would be happy if she merely glanced their way. But that would never happen because she doesn't Rachel's confidence to pull that off. So she's just left to wonder the corridors of Blackwell surrounded by posters of someone she can't match even when she's out of the picture. And I think that's why she destroyed one of her posters. Even missing Victoria still isn't able to live up to the Blackwell legend that is Rachel Amber.

#lis #life is strange #rachel amber #victoria chase #before the storm

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lionlena · 11 months

Text

Just let it go... (PedroPascalxreader) oneshot

Your boyfriend, Pedro, back to home and finds you distraught on the couch. He's trying to do everything to comfort you.

Little sadness, low self-esteem, hurt/comort

Pedro returned from the gym and when the silence in the house found him, he felt worried. He was sure you were there because he put his keys next to yours. So why was it so quiet?

It's not like you were a loud person. You were very quiet compared to him. And yet, thanks to you, the house was teeming with life. There were always noises from the kitchen while you were preparing your meal. Or music was coming from the garden. And sometimes the sounds of the show you were watching came from the living room.

Even when you were working, he could hear how fast you were typing or talking to co-workers on the phone. So the silence was unsettling. He cautiously began to pace the house and finally found you in the living room. You were sitting on the couch curled up in a ball and stared blankly at the wall.

"Y/N, I'm back, sweetheart."

You jumped suddenly, as if someone had snapped you out of a trance. You looked at him and forced a small smile.

"Hi."

He immediately saw that your eyes were red. He quickly walked over to you and knelt by the couch. He place his hand on your knee.

"What happened?"

You were in a good mood when he left the house and now he was wondering what could have gone wrong.

You sighed heavily and shifted uneasily.

"Do you remember that new job I wanted got?" He nodded and you continued. "They sent me an e-mail. "Your qualifications are not enough for us." In other words, you sucks."

"Hey, hey, don't say that." He got up for a moment to kiss you on the forehead. "You know it's not like that. You said that there are 150 other people running for this job. Your qualifications are great and they just overlooked it."

You looked into his warm brown eyes. You really wanted to hug and kiss him, but the feeling of heaviness in your chest was too much. You knew he was right. It's just that someone else was a little better, or had a little more luck. Maybe he did better in the job interview. But that didn't make you any worse. However, there were thoughts that tormented you greatly.

"I was really hoping to get this job and make more money."

"We're not short of money."

"You, Pedro, you have enough money. I'm the one who still borrow from you."

He shook his head and grabbed your hand.

"Y/N, it doesn't matter. I don't care. You know I've been in a place like this myself. Do you know how many times I've borrowed money? I believe in you, honey.

"Okay" you replied resignedly. You don't have strength to argue with him.

He got up, hugged you and kissed your head.

"Would you like something to eat? I can make you a sandwich, or I'll warm up yesterday's dinner."

You shook your head. You felt your stomach still knotted.

"No, but if you're hungry, go ahead."

"How about that? I'll make popcorn and watch Lucifer with you. Hmm. What does that sound like?"

Your heart clenched at how sweet he was. You knew he didn't like your show, yet he was willing to sacrifice himself. But you refused again. Pedro wasn't going to give up.

"Do you want to go for a walk? To a cafe?"

You sighed heavily as you felt a new wave of tears welling up in your eyes. His efforts were wonderful but you felt too overwhelmed.

"Pedro, don't be angry, but... I just want to be alone, in silence."

He tilted his head and... He looked like a sad puppy whose toy had been taken away.

"I can't agree to that. I can be quiet, but I won't let you drown in this abyss of despair alone."

Before you could say anything he had already sat next to you and pulled you into his lap. You couldn't resist him. You rested your head against his chest and he wrapped his arms around you tightly. His lips touched your head as he whispered:

"Just let it go... I'm here, cariño ."

So you let go and the first tears fell onto his shirt. The heaviness in your chest was slowly easing and the feeling of being worthless slowly disappearing. Pedro's body heat gave to you comfort and a sense of safety. You gripped his arm tighter and whispered.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, mi amor . We'll stay here as long as you need, but trust me, tomorrow will be a better day."

You nodded your head and closed your eyes. In your sweet Pedro's arms, it was easy to believe that things would get better.

A/N: Well, this happen to me today :( And I really need my "Pedro comfort zone".

I hope is well with you all <3

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #hurt/comfort

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piviani · 9 months

Text

what enhypen members needs to work on

to become the best version of themselves

( disclaimer: please do remember to take my readings with a grain of salt. i am in no way a professional tarot reader and all of this are alleged and is for entertainment purposes only. )

yang jungwon

ten of swords

somehow swords always shows up to him. what he really needs to work on is his are emotions and his charasteristic where he has no confidence at all. low self esteem. he tends to burden himself with responsibilities alot. so it would be better if he starts on working on himself not for the sake of others but for his own sake alone.

he may have the mentality to always feel or need to catch others for their own problems? i dont wanna cause issues, but whenever i do a reading on jungwon he always feels burned out, exhausted, and sad. it seems like he wants to crave validation from people. someone who could feel what he feels. he doesnt show his emotions alot. so it would be a really great start to befriend with a non-toxic circle and a non toxic environment that understands why hes like he is and why its hard with opening up.

lee heeseung

king of pentacles in reverse

oh what he needs to work on are his characteristics of being overly workaholic and stubborn at times. he may be too quick on his shoes especially if it involves his work without even roughly thinking about the consequences he might face and things he might lose along the way. as long as theres a starter lane he can run over its already enough for him. theres times he might leave things as it is if it doesn’t benefit him anymore.

heeseung has the tendencies to lose touch with the reality too, he might be overly intune with the idealism world he creates. sometimes losing touch with the reality has its side effects. (nothing bad about dreaming, he just might be into it that he might start to abandon it will actually need consistent hardwork) so he should work on these things to improve his life and become the best version of himself.

park jongseong

wheel of fortune - queen of pentacles

i was wondering what the wheel of fortune meant cause this doesnt seem like something that could be worked on. its one of the major symbolic cards. probably the only thing i could consider as slightly negative is where it will always have ups and downs. its a wheel after all—and in every transition, a big change occurs. so anyway, i pulled for confirmation and queen of pentacles came out. well—with the former card, it might be true in a sense that fate are always there for him. however we should take queen of pentacles into an account. he may take responsibilities for his loved ones too much so he should tone it down. things dont always look good just because it is for the external. best believe as unfortunate it sounds being a giver always causes troubles too. may tend to neglect himself while taking focus on the others thinking it could help him. so he should work on this :) hes too nurturing it backfires him.

sim jaeyun

two of wands

2 of wands, for jake to become the best version of himself—he should learn to focus on his personal goals. tha card shows a man standing holding an earth (or basically his world) with his right hand and a wand in his left, and with my own interpretation, it’s saying him that jake should learn to focus more on what’s infront of him than just standing. its the actions that matters. you cant be standing for so long or you could be left behind. he should learn not to settle for less with this. he may always be indecisive too—whether he should just stand and stay, or move forward by wanting more. he may be a thinker more than a taker. or like idealistic more than realistic. though there’s the passion, drive don’t do everything. he needs his own resolve so he could become the best version of himself.

park sunghoon

queen of wands

another wands, though queen of wands may mostly have an uplifting and positive meaning, this could also mean that sunghoon may have tendencies to be too self centered because of his confidence with his individuality. may be too independent as well. he should learn how to rely on others too as too much independence can cause you to isolate with others making it hard to open up his scars and wounds. he may be the type to be closed off yet helps with people with their own certain circumstances with his drive and force? just really not with himself which causes this destruction. so its really adviced for him to be communicative. (ive noticed most enha are not really great with communication and would rather keep it all by themselves, including sunghoon himself) like though they might everything’s alright already it might not be? sunghoon needs to stay still and allow others to walk through his inner. its not bad to be dependent sometimes.

kim sunoo

the tower in reverse

tower in reverse.. it seems like sunoo doesn’t face his personal problems because he believes walking through it causes more trouble than running away. so he turns his back instead. sunoo’s always scared to change that it becomes a toxic repetitive cycle. this seems like it will not change any time soon either. he will try and try to resist any transitions until it exhausts him. he may have low self esteem which causes this. sunoo doesn’t really see a light behind the darkness? neither would like to change this cycle. he would rather keep running instead of facing it. change are inevitable, sunoo should learn how to take this into an account and accept the undeniable transformations that needs to be taken for the future as this is a major part when growing up. (as much as i wouldve loved to deep dive more and pull a card but i dont think im allowed further. such heavy energy, this is all i can do.)

nishimura riki

the hanged man in reverse

the hanged man usually symbolizes detachment, discontentment and impulsiveness. these are what riki should take into an account for him to become the best version of himself. he seems to be the type to make his impulsiveness a mechanism to direct the fact that he always feels low, like just so he could feel thrill. he’s young so there seems to be days where impulsiveness takes over. im seeing impatience in his part as well. a bit naive. originally in the upright—we can see the man hanging there by his own free will, but this is in reversed—so im seeing some certain circumstances where he just let people control him rather than fighting for what he feels symbolizes him more. or hes standing in standards that doesn’t align with his will. this could also be the problem. he should learn how to let his thinking be aligned with his will. impulsiveness are not always the answer. he shouldnt retrain himself just because others said so. he needs how to form his own freedom of speech lol.

#kpop tarot #kpop #enhypen tarot #enhypen #tarot #park jongseong #sim jaeyun #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #lee heeseung #nishimura riki #enhypen astrology #kpop astrology

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animeyanderelover · 8 months

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I have a request for Yan! Suzui, Rei, Mary, Sayaka, Nishinotouin and Ririka, (if you want add someone else i won't mind uwu) with a darling who is sweet, caring and super smart that almost never gamble, but when they do it it's with bad people (like bullies or those who treats really poorly the housepets) in some kind of revenge, humiliating that person (and this situation go worst when they person messes with someone special for the darling). Please!! I'm obsessed with your writing 💕

I added Yumeko and Kirari.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion, clinginess

Reap what you sow

Jabami Yumeko

♠️We all know that Yumeko is a compulsive gambler so a darling who isn't using every little chance to gamble is always a tricky situation because this girl just can't understand why you'd skip on the pleasure and thrill of an excited gamble. Especially since you're so smart and perceptive. So whilst you two are often acting like two cuddly cats in public due to your sweetness and her clinginess, this aspect of your personality is something Yumeko thinks she has to change a bit, of course with the intention to help you to realize just what you're missing out on. So when she notices that you seem to take it upon yourself to gamble against bad people, mostly bullies who disrespect housepets, she's instantly eploring that part of you. Your weakness is your sense of justice and just like that Yumeko starts sniffing out every bad person in school and luckily there are plenty. She reports them to you, even encourages housepets to seek your help just so that she can watch you destroying and humiliating every single person you gamble against with a visible blush on her face. Oh~she's so proud of you. Luckily you belong to her and to no one else.

Saotome Mary

♦️Mary doesn't mind it as much that you're not as addicted to gambling as others, especially since she's friends with Yumeko. It lowers the risk of you being a housepet and since she's made her own experiences with being one, she's very keen on keeping you away from such a cruel and dehumanizing life. She wouldn't be too happy though if you'd just skip all offers to gamble since it can influence your reputation and she wouldn't want you to be seen as a coward or loser which would make you an easy target for arrogant students looking for easy prey. So your solution of only gambling with people who deserve a taste of hell is admirable and the best answer you could have come up with in her mind. Honestly, she can't spare too much sympathy for those you gamble against for the reason that she agrees with your policy here, such students do deserve a taste of hell. Mary doesn't see any need to be overly worried for you either because she knows that you're very good in what you're doing, the perfect mix of logical and composed yet also willing to take a little risk. Overall she's very proud of her s/o, although you won't hear her admitting that out loud all too often, she's a bit of a Tsundere.

Ryota Suzui

🎴Suzui is just happy that he's somehow managed to become your boyfriend in the first place considering his low self-esteem, even Mary sometimes wonders how he did it. He's probably the sanest among his circle of friends and stupidly he thinks that you're also someone who isn't into gambling due to the risks being involved. You're kind and smart with perfect grades and also unbelievably sweet around him. You adore Suzui's shyness a lot, enjoy teasing him to see him blushing. He isn't necessarily surprised to see that you're very talented during an actual gamble and he isn't even surprised to hear your reasoning for doing it but he's nevertheless anxious for you. Does he love you any less when finding out that you indulge in gambles to bring justice to the students treated wrong? Absolutely not, he only adores you more. He knows that the antics and methods of Hyakkaou Private Academy are more than questionable and that a lot of students suffer under the school's system so in his eyes you're by all means some sort of savior, a hero. It does nag at his self-esteem though, standing next to you because by comparison he isn't even half as heroic as you are.

Momobami Kirari

♣️Kirari finds her darling rather fascinating when Sayaka starts informing her about a new student who viciously takes down a lot of students through gambles, all of them by all accounts bullies and scumbags. Obviously it could just be a hypocritical sense of justice but meeting you in real life does spark her interest because you're acting like a completely different person. Caring, focused on your studies and rejecting all offers to join clubs or offers to gamble, seemingly no interest. The almost jarring shift in your personality is captivating and Kirari finds herself tempted to push you around a bit to elicit the fierce and cold side out of you again and there is a high risk that she'll throw your friends into the mix when she notices that you're very protective over them. She'd be curious to see if you'd crack if it involves your friends and make stupid mistakes but you don't disappoint, although a part of her would have liked to see how defeat would look on your face. She offers you a place in the council but wouldn't be surprised if you'd reject, considering that she's the one who inveted the housepet system. Who knows, maybe one day you'll even come for her. She'd very much like that.

Momobami Ririka

🎭Ririka by all accounts is the safer option than her twin sister since she isn't as possessive nor curious to watch over you to see if you would ever let yourself be defeated. She actually supports her darling in their decision to not be actively involved in the gambling and uses her position as the vice-president to help you fulfill your goal as good as she can. There is nothing wrong with not participating actively in gambles and instead focus on studies and friends. Ririka is quite bashful and had rarely anyone in her entire life who was as caring and sweet to her as her darling so she's constantly glowing pink when you two spend time together. Similar to her though, you also have a hidden and dangerous side that comes under certain circumstances out and that no one should mess with and Ririka accepts that. You're quite the menace when you encounter jerks and assholes who think they're on top of the world only to push them down from their high throne and shatter their dreams and hopes. She has faith in your abilities, although a small part of her is still skittish when watching you gamble.

Igarashi Sayaka

💐Sayaka finds herself slightly conflicted as she initially believes that you truly have no interest in gambling. She's Kirari's assistant and should know best how this school works and sadly it works via gambling and not your grades, as intelligent as you might be. Reputation depends on gambling and she hates it when she catches people dismissing you as an easy target and a whimp since no one has ever seen you gamble before. How dare they talk about her wonderful lover in such a disrespectful way?! So when she's informed that you're having your first gamble, she initially panics a bit. When she arrives though, the game is already over as you've won by a landslide, leaving your opponent drowned in debt and with no other choice but to become a housepet. She can't help but be disappointed in herself for never having seen that you had such extraordinary talent inside of you, considering how obsessive she is. Nevertheless, this new side which Sayaka now discovers for the first time makes her only fall deeper in love with you. You're strong and righteous, very protective over those you care for, including her which always makes her heart race.

Nishinotouin Yuriko

🌠Yuriko uses her position as a member of the student council to protect her Traditional Culture Club and her darling with the influence and the money that she has. Despite that she wouldn't really try to stop her darling from gambling every once in a while to humiliate someone. Instead she'd be sort of proud that her s/o is as smart and talented as they are, she enjoys it when people tell her how awesome and witty you are. You by yourself might already be a force to be wary off but with Yuriko and her large amount of money having your back, you're only all the more fearful. Now, outside of her own club and her darling it has to be said that Yuriko doesn't necessarily care too much about other people but since it makes you happy and she sees no major harm, she lets you do as you wish. Most of the time you aren't gambling though and she enjoys tha side of you just as much, your caring and sweet persona who is very protective of those you care about. You're very attached to her club and all it's members which makes Yuriko on the other hand very happy, knowing that you cherish her club just as much as she does.

Batsubami Rei

❣️Rei is quite supportive of the way you choose to use your skills since she's also a victim of oppression. She's glad that her darling is someone who uses their gambling skills to teach everyone who thinks they can look down on others an earth-shattering lesson from which they might never recover. Your heart goes out to all the housepets and weak people which you avenge and that only makes her admiration and obsession grow. Rei thinks very similar to you and shows little to no sympathy to everyone you have gambled against and also beaten since she knows clearly which people you target. She wants to show her admiration and support somehow, approaches you eventually and offers to assist you in any way she can. Collecting information about bullies you plan to challenge next, searching for a weak spot to put pressure on them if necessary, although she prides herself on your luck and your skills which are more than often enough to beat someone. Despite your skills though and your fame for taking bad people down, Rei admires how you never change and are so kind and caring around most students and especially your friends.

#yandere kakegurui #yandere yumeko #yandere jabami yumeko #yandere mary #yandere saotome mary #yandere suzui #yandere ryota suzui #yandere kirari #yandere momobami kirari #yandere ririka #yandere momobami ririka #yandere sayaka #yandere igarashi sayaka #yandere yuriko #yandere nishinotouin yuriko #yandere rei #yandere batsubami rei

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zimthandmade · 5 months

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Hi! First of all, I'm a huge fan!! I love your Death Note drawings, your style is incredible and I love how you portray the characters.

Soo I was wondering, in your version of MellodraMattic, how did the confession go or how was their first date like??

Thank you so much for the sweet words!! 🖤🖤🖤

I feel like even when writing fluffy scenarios, it reads as dry as a crime scene report and I feel the need to apologise. I'd much rather draw everything out as I see it play out in my head but there's just no time :'( But here’s one way I can see a “confession” happening.

Okay, so, the situation. L.A., early 2008, they’re both 18 and have been crushing on eachother for quite a while but neither of them made a move yet and the tension between them is suffocating. Matt didn’t say anything because of his low self-esteem, he’s rather suffering in silence than make a fool out of himself and potentially ruining this friendship. Mello is not displaying any signs he’s into guys and in Matts mind, even if he did, he’d probably be the last person Mello would be crushing on. Mello didn’t make a move yet because he’s afraid he’s putting both of them in danger, due to mafia relations. He’s afraid this could make him seem weak, ruin his reputaion or worst case get them both killed etc etc you get the picture, since the gang he’s in is either openly homophobic or just has a really clear picture of masculinity Mello already has trouble fitting in. There’s just a lot of stuff coming together. They’re both so trapped in their own minds that I can barely see them having a sober first move at all.

After living together for 4 years since running away, they’re now living in seperate flats for a couple of months due to convenience reasons, doesn’t matter. Matt isn’t taking living alone well and drowns in isolation. Mello is over for a visit and goes “Bro, you need to get some fresh air. Dress up, we’re going out.” and takes him to some nearby club. It's crowded in there, the bass is so heavy that it basically replaces your heartbeat. Matt finds it really uncomfortable, his social anxiety kicks in hard. They immediately start drinking which loosens things up a bit. Maybe Mello is trying to goad Matt into mingling with people a bit. Maybe something like a test of courage or a dare? "See that one at the back? If you manage to dance with her, I'll buy you another drink." "Pff, child's play. And who are you taking? I'm not doing this alone." "I'll find someone. Now go!"

And they both have a bitter feeling about the whole thing because they're both thinking, "Why am I even doing this? I want YOU to dance with me," and Mello could bite his own ass for sending Matt straight into some girl's arms. He can only swallow his jealousy because he's had alcohol. He has no trouble chatting up some girl and getting her to dance with him. I headcanon Mello inheriting the rizz of his dad. He CAN be charming if he wants to. On the dance floor in the crowd, Mello and Matt's eyes keep meeting over the shoulder of their partner. The looks are INTENSE - full of longing, jealousy, sometimes just grinning at each other. I imagine them touching their partner the way they would like to touch each other - pressing against them, hand on the back of the head, tenderly even. Unusually sensual for someone you've just chatted up in a club. At some point, Mello sits with the girl at the bar and lets her talk his ears off about some nonsense while he keeps scanning the crowd for Matt. He sees him stumble out of the crowd to the bar - alone - and keeps looking past the girl over to Matt, not listening to her at all, just saying "Mhm, oh really?" from time to time. Until at some point the girl turns around, completely annoyed at where Mello is looking all the time. She’s so pissed, rightly so, and just says “… you know, just go dance with your buddy over there if you’re so into him” “… you know what— I’mma do that, actually” and he walks away, leaving the girl sitting there. This one sentence somehow got to Mello, like "Yeah... actually, she's right. I'm just putting on an act here. I'm into Matt, so why not show him? Why am I doing this to myself? I’m a hypocrite if I keep this up any longer."

And Mello comes stumbling towards Matt grinning. “You done already?” “Yeah, she uhh left - I guess I owe you one now huh” “Screw that, come dance with me” “-for real??” “Why not?” and he drags Matt along and it's so fucking crowded in there that they almost feel invisible between all those people. There's this weird anonymity in the room. And they’re dancing so awkwardly adorable together. Maybe Mello goes “What did you do to the poor girl to make her leave you?” “I uhhh might’ve grabbed her butt and she might’ve slapped me for it haha” “Rude haha - you can grab my butt if you want, I won’t slap you” ”Oh be careful what you say, I might actually do that” “Go right ahead, dude”

Matt grabs him hard, he tries to play it as a joke. The alcohol made him so cocky that he'd rather take the chances of being smacked again than let the opportunity pass. Mello doesn't smack him though, they're both just grinning at each other and Matt keeps his hands on Mello's ass, Mello has his arms over Matt's shoulders. They are SO CLOSE, almost nose to nose and they look at each other as they sway, clinging to each other, hearts beating out of their chests. Matt has to stop himself from just leaning forward and risking everything by planting a kiss on Mello. He can't assess the situation AT ALL and he's weighing things up. He just stares at Mello, feels his heart pounding in his ears, everything is so overwhelming, he can smell Mello in front of him and it feels like time slowed down and he’s so anxious he's afraid he's going to throw up any second. But all of this happens in a matter of minutes, seconds, there's hardly any time to think about anything. Instead of just going for it, Matt goes “…what’s with you tonight why are you letting me do this” “I’m trying to make a move on you Mattie, isn’t that obvious haha” “ohhh of course, of course, suuure you are” “…don’t believe me?” “nah… maybe if you kissed me i would-” “ha, no problem-” and Mello kisses Matt on the lips. Matts brain shortwires, there’s no holding back anymore. Matt pulls Mello as close as he can, kissing him back, wrapping his arms around him like he’s afraid he’s gonna be dragged away any second. Mello is pleasantly surprised by the sudden increase of passion Matt is showing towards him. They’re straight up making out in a tight embrace on the dancefloor, there are little to no fucks left to give if anybody sees what they’re doing. Until Mello breaks the kiss and goes “come on let’s get outta here” and they stumble their way outside, arm in arm or even holding hands and Matt’s head is all ??????????????????? but he is so happy?????? this is all new emotional information and he’s not able to process any of it at an appropriate speed. They both feel downright high after that initial kiss. I think they’re both not their first kiss (they both probably kissed strangers in clubs but it was all pretty bland) but the first kiss that had intense emotions attached to it; the first kiss that mattered. And it felt amazing, it changed things. As they walk out, a blast of cold air sobers them up a bit and they look at each other, laughing like they have a new inside joke and they both think to themselves "did that really just happen?" and they both look at their hand in each other's hand and Matt goes “So uhh, — you coming over to my plac-” “Yes” “Haha okay cool” “but uhh— we probably shouldn’t be walking like this” Mello strokes the back of Matt's hand with his thumb and lets go of his hand. “They could see us, y’know” “Yeah”

On the way home (it's a few minutes' walk) they walk silently side by side, red-faced and smiling. Matt keeps looking over at Mello, in disbelief of what the hell is happening. Matt blurts out a "You have no idea how long I wanted to do that" “No joke?” “Mhm” “Why didn’t you just do it then?” “The thought of you reciprocating never crossed my mind and I didn’t want you to judge me” “But I hit on you so hard these last weeks, did you never notice anything?” “I thought you were mocking me, so I played everything for laughs” “Oh man, Matt...” “Yeah” ”…” ”I mean I’m still not entirely sure if you’re not playing a stupid little scheme with me but-” ”I’m not. Matt, I’m not.” ”…okay” ”Sorry for making it seem like I was messing with you” they’re smiling at eachother and walk in silence for a while ”So uhh what are we gonna do at my place?” ”HUH, well uhh —” Mello puts his arm around Matts shoulders, it’s looking more brotherly, but he whispers a ”whatever you feel like” in Matts ear, trying to seem as cool as possible, holding back a grin but failing miserably. It’s kind of an all-or-nothing situation.

I’m gonna spare you the smut here, just know they had a good time that night haha

I guess the gist is, they need to be catapulted way out of their comfort zone to get closer. And they're just horny, inexperienced adolescents in love, so they are awkward by default. They have no idea what they're doing in those regards.

#ask #death note #mello #matt #dn au 2.1 #headcanon #mihael keehl #mail jeevas #wammys boys #wammys house #wammy boys #wammy kids #wammy's house #mellodramattic #mello x matt #matt x mello #m2

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