#[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

he stood taller than johnny. maybe six-four. baby blue eyes. copper hair. crooked smile, wide grin showing teeth when he laughs. crows feet. stubble. he was tall. blue eyes. copper hair. tall. blue. copper. not blonde. copper. taller than johnny. or? no. same height. no ... no. he was taller but not by much. he was there, around the other side of the store front. he was right there — the fucker was right there-

the copper-haired one was meant to be beside her - went by isaac. the one she'd set eyes on well over a week before, kind eyes and gentle demeanor when they had spoken, that early evening, when she'd been out on her own. he was surrounded by people he'd known then, however. made it impossible to sneak him off alone, not without one of the others keeping her face fresh in memory, had he not returned that night. it was only a passing conversation, but it was enough to warrant him, two days later, to recognize her elsewhere. to cross parking lot immediately, calling out her name — dolores — and strike up talk once again. a gentleman, helping her pack the back of her car with groceries. kind, friendly, strong. she could see it easily — how well-worked muscle made things a breeze for him. and for most, the sight would falter their knees, make them swoon. once upon a time, she'd be the same if she were honest — now? now all she could read from such display was,

he would put up a nice fight.

instead, however, beside her in the truck she rode passenger in sat old but familiar face; long blonde locks and strikingly green eyes that gazed at her for the last couple hours — with such warmth, such affection; with hidden grief and uncertainty and hope all meshing in green shades bright and dulled. it wasn't the copper-haired man, isaac, in the drivers' seat of the truck driven all this way down from way up north, from montana —

it was donnie — su vaquero — beside her, stealing glances at her during the drive here ( ensuring, perhaps, that none of this was a dream — that it truly was maria flores, truly was the girl, his friend, who had suddenly disappeared those years ago — in the passenger seat, alive ).

to the home she'd set up, a decoy, a place not too far from home — not too far out past the hewitts' property — where she could lure targets to — made them feel safe, when running off alone with her. one of the few, smaller homes, mrs. hewitt had told them some time ago, still in decent condition, that belonged to one of the late patriarchs' brothers' before they up and took off, leaving most of their things behind. took a while to deep clean it, make it look lived-in again, but the remaining hints of a family — of old photographs still hung up all about — worked well as a nice little cover story—

maria found herself bundled in nerves, hands clasped the shawl she had wrapped securely around her ( handmade by mrs. hewitt, for one of her birthdays. shawl mirroring the wings of a mourning cloak butterfly ) — like a safety net, or an embrace; part of her wanted to think it was one of them — lee, or johnny — rather than simple fabric, calming her at this moment . . .

donnie caught her completely off-guard. when he suddenly came into view in front of her, before she'd made her presence known to her target — to isaac. she had been as stunned as donnie's face had been then. green eyes looking over her in disbelief, taking her in, registering that it was actually her — at least, she assumed so. she couldn't deny, either, that she had done the same looking up at him . . .

air lodged itself in her lungs then, and she found it difficult to expel, take in another. it was like the chill of the cold rooms that came over her, a trembling that hit every nerve throughout limbs.

a fear that swept over her.

and when donnie's arms had gone around her, pulling her into hug — misreading her body language, perhaps — she was suddenly small, vulnerable. not wolf, not lamb. not even rabbit.

she felt small, insignificant.

like a mouse.

cornered. arms trapped in a rodents' trap, metal bar like jaw closing around her. there was a panic, a fear, in blown-out eyes, pupils so dilated the hazel around them was non-existent, and they peered past donnie's shoulder, past him, out into the storefronts around them, to the people casually passing by without a thought or mind to either of them.

eyes that, desperately, flickered to every single face within sight — desperately looking for trace of either johnny or lee among them . . .

but then, small voice whispered in her head, you went out alone, remember? they had things to do this morning.

maria found her hands having raised to return donnie's embrace, however evident — likely from how much she trembled in his arms — that he pulled away enough to look down at her, concern laced in brow, and he had loosened his hold, suddenly aware he'd just pulled her in without warning, how it was just as much of a shock to her seeing him as it was when he recognized her. and he had apologized profusely, if he made her uncomfortable, if he had scared her — he didn't mean to, and more words tumbled from his mouth.

maria could hardly make them out. his drawl all but sounded to her like the ringing of ears, of the static of the radio . . .

reminded her of those fucking broadcasts—

her tongue, her lips, felt dried out. so isolated.

she knew, in the back of her mind, that someday, possibly, she or lee could run into any one of their old friends. and the thought of it, time and time again, stirred emotions murky and heavy. knew it would happen. knew it was only matter of time. knew she'd have to, one day, look back at any one of them — see how much they'd changed, the longer it took. for them to see how much she and lee both changed, too. but, maria had assumed when that day did finally come,

that johnny and lee would both be close-by, someplace she could slink over to if it was too overwhelming, too complicated — too painful.

and yet that day came — looking down at her with once-adored green eyes. and she felt completely alone.

it had taken a moment, to regain herself, claw back the security blanket that donnie had — without intention — ripped off around her. and she had finally looked back up at him, as dolores' mask slipped back into place. she let tears gloss over hazels, as cracking smile lifted cheeks as she'd shaken her head reached up between them, took donnie's face between them, allowed her gaze take him in all over again — without properly seeing him, this time; mentally blurring his features, as if quietly trying to erase the familiarity from her memories, erase his importance from them.

she'd reassured him, hours ago, that she was okay and not to worry, it was simply alot to suddenly take in, just overwhelmed seeing him. not a lie, to be fair. and she'd brought him back in, hugging him tightly — hugging him as if she could lose him all over, like he lost her those years ago.

( he still smells nice, voice sounds out again, and his hugs, oh his hugs, they're still so sweet— )

those hours they spent together, before piling into the truck, were sweet. like old times, of him coming by her apartment. talking about the smallest, most seemingly unimportant things. listening to the radio, breaking out into singing songs they knew to one another. of his jokes, and making her laugh. how sweet, innocent, gentle those nights had been to her — had it not been for the years in between, of that last see you later before she left that spring break, who knows . . . maybe she could have mustered up some shred of courage to admit she liked him, then, when she got back home.

but things changed. very much changed.

as much as even this day, he could make laughter pour itself out from her with ease; the taste on her tongue, dragged down throat, lingered bitter aftertaste. it only worsened the more he talked abut what he had been up to — about his moving out of texas, the ranch up in montana, of his daughter . . .

and yet, her face, her eyes, remained softly looking at him as he spoke, gentle smile — albeit, a little sad at first glance. she let him talk, offering curious questions to keep him doing so, keep him occupied. keep him there, across from her. eyes gliding to watch on the mans' wrist at the table behind his seat, quietly keeping track of time.

it was too late, now, to try and find isaac again. she was certain she could have coaxed him, finally, off to the house, entice him inside, in just the right amount of time to get his guard lowered further before johnny and lee would get there.

but isaac was gone, now. long gone, by now.

and there was a tightness along jaw, now, sitting across from donnie. he messed this all up. thought crossed mind, and maria looked at donnie for a moment, in silence. his features, once again, hazed and blurred, and mid-sentence she reached out a hand and took his in both of hers, standing and looking down at him, doe-eyed, pleading, as she had asked him with a small voice, soft and quiet, " can we go someplace else? someplace quiet, donnie? "

uncertainty crossed over him. briefly.

but it was doe-eyes unwavering, threatening tears once again as they welled from past lashes, the small quiver of lip even — a show of sudden discomfort, being out and about; of nervousness being in the public eye, a little white lie told to him earlier — and he crumbled for her. and she rewarded him agreeing, leaning in and kissing cheek, with a sad, gentle smile and a sincere thank you, before he stood and lead her, her hands still clasped over his own, to his truck.

he was not her intended for the night — but donnie could still be a nice catch to bring back in isaac's place. perhaps an even better one — for johnny, moreso.

( she still remembers all those years ago, when reading the newspaper her eyes found herself staring down at her own face — printed, in the obituary section — officially declaring her death. and how it was johnny, and lee, who comforted her when every little part of her mind, her heart, her hope of ever going home, shattered completely. being dead to the world, when you were very much still breathing . . . it hurt. so badly, it hurt. knowing she was given up on. by people she thought she mattered to. by her own family. and it was johnny and lee who were there, to reassure her that she was still very much alive, did matter — to them. and later on, the same was returned to lee, when his obituary, as well, laid out in plain view across tabletop. she remembers, vividly, the sincerity, on johnny's face, in his voice, when he told them both he was sorry their friends abandoned them. )

it was donnie getting the truck door for her, helping her hop up inside, that maria apologized to him — the amount of people had started making her nervous, that if he had places to be it was okay to simply drop her off someplace else. the thought was waved off by him, assured her that anything he could have needed to do could wait, and maria's face lightened up, warmed smile beaming on face ( closest, so far that day, to how she'd smile back then. )

and him smiling back at her — that cute smile of his that she had always adored — there was a tug on her heart as he closed the door, rounded the front of the trust to get into the drivers side. the static and haze buzzing wildly in her head seemed to slow, quieted down, as eyes followed him. watched as he got in, shut the door after him. while digging for his keys and bringing the truck to life from the ignition. when his eyes met hers once again, maria's gaze was softened. and a murmur fell past her lips,

" i missed you, donnie. "

smile returned to his own face, and before he could finish returning the sentiment, maria scooted herself closer to him, leaning in and kissing his cheek, before slipping her arm around his, brought legs up onto truck seat and lowered her head, resting cheek against his shoulder. " i'll let you know where to drive okay? " she tilted head to look up at him, smiling again, as he took off on the road — flustered, with a goofy little grin on his face. small talk shared between them, with the radio playing on low, every now and then one of them turning it higher, singing along to the tune being played and laughing at one another. like old times. then quieting it down, for her to point out where to go, for their talks and questions to continue. for her to look back at him, lean up and give his cheek another kiss. and another—

until instead of cheek, her lips meet his — feathery soft, lightly, as he drives, doing his best to still keep eye on the road. " good thing its quiet today, " is murmured against his lips, with a gentle nuzzle of the side of his face as he re-straightens the truck ( a little carried away, that time. ), " you seem like you're having a bit of trouble driving, donnie— " she teases gently, grinning when he shoots her a look, smirk crossing lips, " only needed to get back in the lane 'cause yer so distractin', miss maria. " she laughs at that and gives his cheek a final peck — for now — and straightens herself up a little in the seat, looking ahead at last out the front window, eyes scanning the landmarks, telling him what backroad to get off of coming up.

things slowly grew more familiar as he drove. and the warmth, the bliss that crept in her chest when they had kissed ebbed away — slowly, souring, a twisting anxiety replacing it in her gut the closer, she realized, they were getting to the home.

this is donnie. this is her friend. this is the guy you had that little crush on, all that time ago, maria — and you're leading him blindly into a wolves den, that damned voice, hissing in her head at her, tell him to just drop you off. tell him to get the fuck away from there. tell him to go home. to montana.

no, he left you there too. they were all so close to you and yet, not a fucking one of them heard you? how bad your voice was for days, after screaming from your cell, screaming for one of them to hear you, to find you? and not a fucking damned one of them did? bull-fucking-shit.

its donnie's voice beside her that draws maria back. back to present from the past few hours, of them finding place to go, to talk, to catch up. back to the passenger seat of his truck. back to her eyes staring empty at the front door of the decoy home. as reality slowly started to sink back in, like insects crawling all across skin.

( she's brought him to his own grave. )

his voice cut in again, that same uncertain concern in his tone, across features. when she turned to look at him, he asked if she's alright, if something's wrong. her head shakes, turning herself to him and leans over, re-meeting his lips softly, until she felt him melt all over again, until she felt his hand attempt to draw her even closer; she gently broke the kiss instead, murmured that they should maybe head inside, instead, if he wanted to. and shot him a playful grin and scoot back across the seat, opened the truck door and hopped on out before he had the chance to respond.

but she knew he followed her up to the front steps. the drivers' side door opened and slammed shut, the crunch of his boots against dirt road under their feet. she reached into suspended flower pot beside the door, taking out house key and dusting it off, glancing back at him with a smile, patting the sides of her dress, " don't have pockets, and not alot of people really come on by here so, don't carry it on me too often. " with a muffled click she opens the door, slipping shawl from around her and sets it just inside, on little side table in arms reach. she glances at him, again, when she steps in but he stays on the steps, looking up at her; eyes looking her over, raising to find and lock back on hers. she pauses and steps back out, closer to him, motioning with her head to the house, " . . . change your mind, donnie? "

please go, please go back to the truck, please go back to montana . . .

" maria— "

please turn around. go back. leave texas, go home to your daughter, please tell me you're leaving—

“ you… you gotta know, before anything else happens tonight… you gotta know that you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. ”

was it possible for ones' heart to simultaneously crumble into ash and yet still feel warm, full? god she wanted to punch him, shove him back towards his fucking truck. GET OUT, she wanted to scream at him, she wanted to pull him to her, laugh in his face, break down right there in front of him, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN, im so sorry—

but her hands had lifted, briefly cupped cheeks once more, and brought herself to him, kissing him all over again, letting his arms move around her this time, kissing lovingly, needingly, desperately even, to not want space drawn between them again. between them, however, comes her voice against his lips, " i always wondered, how it'd be, kissing you, you know, vaquero— "

as soon as old term of endearment slipped out, they both were inside the door, him shutting it harsh behind them without once either of them breaking away from the other. all those times, before everything happened, at the old frat parties where he'd come over to check up on her or the others, how they'd lean in close to one another, to hear each others' voices over the music playing as its loudest. how he'd look around the room, and her eyes would linger on him for seconds longer. he was always handsome, to her, and charming, too. his smile — both silly and boyish, or that damned smirk of his . . . they always made her melt a little on the inside, every time he flashed them her way. always wondered, too, how kissing those smirking lips would feel like . . . but, neither of them had ever said a word to the other, before she was taken. thought echoed from time to time, in the far corners of her mind, of if he had or if she had said anything then, would anything have changed now?

who knows.

her mind was whirling as it was, with the high she was getting, kissing him, after all this time. different than it was, kissing her targets. here was something behind both their lips, meanings unspoken, finally at least getting a shred of an escape, after all these years, a gentle touch of lips to hers, different, from how it was kissing—

" darlin', i love you, " donnie panted, his lips a hair's bredth away from hers, " i always did. i always have, ever since i met'cha. think i always will . . . "

his voice however dropped from existence the moment those words left his mouth.

i love you.

her lungs felt every bit of air in them were sucked out harsh, left her freezing inside.

you love me?

liar.

is that why you never heard me screaming for help down there? you loved me so much that the moment you saw an escape for yourself you took it? without a second thought? you love me, and yet you left me there, abandoned me there, then abandoned leland, and then just did what? did you love me so much you begged the police to come to the property? look for us? did you bother even trying to come back with anyone, to try and help us? loved me so much you fucking left me to rot down there . . .

you love me?

never looked back, you took off the moment you could, completely left texas entirely, ran off to live your life while we were stuck here fighting for our own. fighting to survive. you love me and yet, you continued on, met someone, had a kid?

no. you don't fucking love me.

fucking liar. you're a fucking liar, donnie.

maria knew damn good and well what love meant, what those words meant — the strength they held. because they were said, and shown, to her in every possible meaningful way, by leland, by johnny.

i love you was leland swallowing pride and fight when she begged him, pleaded for him to stop, out of fear she would lose him if he kept pushing his luck — and he did. for her. so he could be around, to stay by her side. protect her. so they wouldn't be alone.

i love you was her lost in that damn field, so long ago, running in fear from horrid, half-gored beast, from misshapen faces and figures, from voices from all directions — and then seeing johnny step out into view from the leaves and stalks of sorghum and miscanthus, the only clear, normal, familiar thing she'd laid eyes on for what felt like hours. how when she ran to him, out of desperation to get out, he allowed her into his arms, held her close and reassured her that she was safe with him, he would protect her from all that was lurking around her, and he did just that.

i love you was the both of them time and time again, when they went out on their hunts, together, and they both kept watch over her, even at a distance, even in a large crowd. and the moment either one saw any foul play, overheard any cruel thing be said to her? they were making their way over.

i love you was their protective natures. their gentle touches. their moments of peace back home, eating at the table together, huddled under the covers for warmth during the night, when the shack turned icy-cold.

where the fuck was yours donnie?

how much she would have wanted to someday hear those three words come from him . . . now? these years later, now he says it? when they hold no meaning. when he never bothered to find her. when he ran off — ran, like he always fucking did.

the audacity to tell her he loves her.

fuck you, donovan.

how seconds passing can instead feel like a century has crawled on by . . . when donnie's eyes open, and green meets hazel, does the split second shift in his eyes, across his face, show his attempt to register the look on her own.

before knife, dug out silently from drawer behind her, bites down into his shoulder; her pupils blown out, cold emptiness on her face—

FUCK. YOU.

“ you… you gotta know, before anything else happens tonight… you gotta know that you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. ” + “ i love you. ” | @priestbit | scenario two, companion.

#slowly scoots this onto the dash like: well this reached 4030 words so enjoy the bedtime read- FGBNSDJK #[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { no one saved you. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. } #priestbit #i may be Rusty but goddamn did i fuckin Write- FBNSDJK #hope this reads well & hope you (& donnie) enjoy beth c;

[meatriarchived]

[ run ] - for receiver to run their fingers through sender’s hair + [ twirl ] for receiver to twirl a strand of sender’s hair around their finger | @johnnysslaughter

she remembered being amongst the sea of yellow in front of her, some weeks ago.

when the air had been sweet with fragrant flowers — of golden daisies, taller than she'd ever seen them grow before, with their little faces turning up towards the sun. basking in the sunlight as she was, hundreds of little reflections of that blindingly beautiful sphere that lit their world up.

that warmed her shoulders that day she was last here — with camera in hand, snapping photos of the daisies.

( and of later running past them — in one of her many escape attempts. the sweetness in the air had soured then, when she heard boots catch up from behind, had felt vice grip clasp around arm — she had failed yet again. )

it was just as beautiful of a sight in the evening, all these weeks later, as it had been that day. where yellowed petals now deepened to an orange shade as the sun slowly descended in the distance behind them, behind the tree they rested under. darkening the sky slowly, casting shadows that loomed over petals just as the man whose head rested in her lap now loomed over her in the cells below his shack.

strange it was, that as maria looked out around them — to all the open space ahead of her, the stretch of fields in nearly all directions, they didn't quite tug at her heart as they used to. encouraging her to make a run for it, while he slept.

( you could get away, whispers hopeful voice in mind, while he's out cold. you could still try. it's right there. go for it! )

and yet? her body did not follow.

perhaps experience, repeated failures, constant heartache of believing she could get out, that she naively outsmarted him, he had no idea which direction she could have run off in — all of it, repeatedly crushed under heavy boot, ground into dirt. it had all gotten to her, eventually. all those times running aimless through tunnels, finding dead ends and seeing silhouette of him back the way she came, being cast across walls, misshapen like some sort of beast, by the glows of scattered lanterns.

it was pointless, trying to run.

he may be deep in sleep, head rested against her thigh, exhausted from the work he sets out every morning to do around the property. but she's been around him long enough, since he moved her from the cells below the shack to a mattress on the floor above ground, across from his own, to know very, very well how easy, how quickly, he stirs awake.

( how many times had she tried, too, to catch him in such a deep sleep? how many times did she find herself, with carving tool in hand, to stab him in the throat — and every time, he's wide awake, grinning back at her, cooing tease and praise at her simple, clumsy little attempts — at her trying to kill him. )

maria averts attention from the daisies, down to her lap, down at johnny, thinking to earlier in the evening.

he had just stepped into shack, after spending most of the day out. not unusual for her to be left alone for hours. but when he had come back, he was clearly freshened up — hair still damp, clean set of clothes. and he undid the restraint on her ankle, told her to follow him to the house across the dirt road — his mother, or his aunt, whoever she was — to use the shower.

she assumed the woman was gone, considering how he's told her to stay away, stay silent if she ever comes near the shack ( there was a strange, unnerving urgency when he warned her of this, one she didn't think she wanted to test the waters on seeing if the woman was truly someone to stay hidden from or not ).

but maria had taken her time, or as much as his patience waiting on her to finish would probably allow. and when she had finished, and changed into clothes he had left on bathroom counter for her, they left the home again, but rather than return to the shack, he had her follow him across the property, out among the fields, until they came across the tree, and he told her sit before he dropped beside her.

told her to wake him once it started getting dark. and propped head against her — maybe just for the softness compared to the ground, maybe just to make sure the still-damp of his hair didn't pick up dirt.

whatever the reason, they stayed like that for some time, until she heard his breathing settle into calm pattern, telling her he was asleep.

maria's eyes stayed down, tracing along his features, of the scar that snaked down across cheek to eye to brow. along jawline, to lips that were normally stretched into grin, now relaxed into simple line.

he was handsome still, to her. in spite of everything he has done since he took her. since that night, where he leaned onto tabletop beside her, flashing flirty smiles, tucking hair behind her ear, sending a shiver down her spine...

her eyes move, then, to the dark locks of his own hair, no longer styled back as he usually has it — but loose, draping along her thigh around his head. and she feels an itch come over her, a curiosity, and she finds her hand raise and — lightly — does she slip her fingers through his hair, slowly smiling at how soft it was, how thick it was when not slicked back, how fluffy — almost like a cat, like juniper...

she glanced to his face, pausing briefly when she catches glimpse of lashes and eyelid twitch, before cautiously resuming. gently and lightly playing with his hair, smiling more as she coils little bundles of it loosely around a finger before letting it lay down flat again.

and she did so for some time longer as the sun continued to lower, idly running fingers through deep brown strands, humming softly to herself ( to him, even, asleep or not ) as the daisies danced around them in the soft breeze — until the cool evening air began to send shivers through her, and her gaze returned down at him, to the small daisy she had plucked off from closet stem and tucked just above ear...

she looks at the sky, as blues had gone and reds and oranges and yellows started to darken to black overhead, before she sighs to herself, knowing she should wake him before it got any darker.

maria gently gives his shoulder a shake, and she waits a moment, until his eyes open, to look up and meet hers.

" it's getting dark, johnny ... you said to wake you when it did. "

#happy halloween heres a sprinkle of some gentle uwu ♡♡♡ #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

❛ You have to live. ❜ | @lifesver

:) me when i slide over a perfectly normal-sized response- cw of course for death & guns & sad & hoyt and yknow yknow.

( it wasn’t supposed to be like this. )

air was harsh to draw in and push back out — fire burned in her lungs while they ran, aimless, along tunnels and rooms that seemed to never end. leading to large, heavy, locked doors barring their way out of this fucking hell of a maze.

( they were never supposed to be here. )

his hold on her hand, pulling her forward with him, made her stumble over her own feet every few steps. desperation was settling into him. desperate, determined, pleading for a fucking way out, a door, a lockpick, a ladder, any of the others — just fucking SOMETHING to give them both HOPE of getting out of there.

( HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. )

the puncture wound she’d gotten from the huge one — the one called thomas - when she had tried to wriggle away from him, hours before she had run into her friends and sister, before she had been restrained onto butcher block, had arm and leg carved into…

( WHY DID HE COME HERE? )

the wound, of point of hook that curved through her stomach and inward, just missing bottom of lung…it was getting to her, slowing her down, dizzying her. blotches of black and stardust clouding her vision as she felt piercing pain within her ribcage as she struggled to catch her breath. and by the time she could manage to speak, her voice was nearly wheezing out of her - strained, quiet, hoarse.

it was his name wretchedly stumbling past her lips that reached him, from frantically looking around them in every direction, mind racing and eyes studying every possible nook and cranny he could as they ran to find something, just, fucking SOMETHING-

“ lee — leland, plea- i ca- ”

his name in her voice broke his concentration, enough for him to look back over shoulder to her, beginning to ask her what was wrong, but instead stopped dead in tracks when he realized he’d been dragging her along with him — how she heaved to breathe, sweat coating her face and shoulders and collarbone, how pale she’d become. 

( he needs to get out, he needs to find the others and they all need to get out. )

curses and apologies flood out from him immediately, concern and worry sticking to his features like the sweat on his skin stuck clothes to his back, as he turned and took her by the shoulders, easing her to a crate nearby and having her sit to catch her breath, to rest for as long as they could manage to do so.

his sorries poured from him still, as she breathed raggedly, trying to focus eyes on him but everything was swimming around them — she felt nauseous, lightheaded, there were three, two, four of him distorting as he knelt beside her, trying to speak to her, waiting for responses, but all she could offer were incoherent stammers between lungs working to steady between the pain, between the heat and the chill fighting one another in her chest and skull.

( you’re slowing him down, hisses her mind. you’re going to get him killed. he needs to leave you here, save himself. you won’t make it anyways. he needs his strength to get out — not to keep worrying over or carrying you. )

he lets her stay there, on the crate, as he takes off to scour around the rooms nearby - maybe in hopes of finding a bottle of antiseptic, maybe for some kind of water and rag to wet and cool her off.

either way he kept coming back to the alcove of the tunnel they holed up in, checking in on her every other minute it seemed. he was growing more antsy with every time he peered to make sure she was still fine, worry deepening the furrow of brow when he would ask her if she was feeling better, and all he got in return was a faint nod. unconvinced. before he finally came back — empty-handed — and knelt beside her once again.

he lightly pushed strands of her hair from her face, ignoring the clamminess of her skin, holding palms to her cheeks as he looked at her, pleading for her to say something, tell him she was alright, apologizing yet again for running her for so long-

“ stop- lee, plea- please… no sorries, you- you have nothing- nothing to say sorry for… ”

her voice spilled out of her not without consequence. the pain shot right up her spine, radiating across nerves with every word, making her wince with every one she spoke, but she couldn’t listen to him apologize to her — not when she was the cause of everything, why they were even there in the first place, why they were all going through this shit,

“ you need, lee, you just have to- to go, okay? ”

her eyes lift to meet his, blurred his face quickly becomes from tears that film over pleading hazels. “ please, i’m slow— i’m slowing you down, i - i can’t, i can’t run— keep up, i’m gonna get you, get you hurt even more, ” hands reach up, taking hold of his, squeezing them lightly, reassuringly she hoped in some kind of way, and her head shook side to side as she watched his expression fall, staring back at her in horror, in shock.

“ i’m, begging you lee, please… ” maria choked out, as tears began to streak down her face, “ you have to, to get out, leave me here o - okay? ” her head gives him a small nod, as if solidifying this compromise — as if she believed he would have ever listened, like he would ever agree to such a decision, “ th - the others, they need you more, i - i don’t think i can make it — i’m sorry, for everything, all, all of th - this, but, y - you have to leave me, o - okay? please— ”

“ no. ”

a word so simple, so short — said with the most certainty — as he cuts her off, head shaking as he pulls his hands from hers. i’m not leaving you screamed from his expression, his eyes, as hands fiddled behind his neck, unclasping cross necklace from his throat and reaches over, ignoring her hands as they try to stop him, as she asks him what he’s doing.

he doesn’t answer immediately, not until he’s fought with her hands trying to place chain loop into clasp at the back of maria’s neck, as hands move to cup her face again, brows pinched together, eyes not straying for a second from hers, " i am not leaving you here alone, to die, maria. you have to live. we’re going to get out, i promise. you hold onto that for me, alright? "

before she could protest, he is knelt again with back to her, twisting to take her hand and pulls her, gently but still urgent, up off the crate. maria could feel her heart drop to her stomach.

( she knew he wouldn't listen — she still had to try- )

reluctantly she obliged him, letting him hoist her onto his back. standing with her, arms hooked under legs to keep her up as he continued through the tunnels. she may as well be useful, she thought, and look around for a sign of anything helpful...

it took some minutes, walking in silence, before maria spotted a container through the gaps of wood to their left, and pointed it out to him. " m - maybe there's something in there? " he nods as his gait kicks it up a notch to find a door, a gap — no, a crawlspace to slip through around the corner, kneeling to set her down. glancing back as sheet metal CLATTERED AND ECHOED throughout the otherwise silent tunnel. he told her to stay there, on the other side, for now. he was going to dig through the box, and then look around for a way out real quick — to call out to him if anything happens, but to take it easy for now.

maria simply nods, not willing to protest, not with how heavy the air felt at the moment.

and so she had watched him, disappearing through gap by the floor, and she found herself lowering down, to watch him through it as he made his way cautiously to the toolbox, opening and as quietly as possible dig through it.

maria watched his face, as he mutters curses and pleads to himself, watching his features as he dug as quiet as possible through random shit that probably filled that container, like the others before it. watching his expression sour as mouth moves, muttering curses under breath as he searched and dug until finally — features softened into relief, into hope, and leland turns to the crawlspace, to her peering up at him through it, and flashed her a grin — still trying to be reassuring, still trying to instill some kind of optimism for them that they truly could get out.

as he, attempting to lighten the mood, holds up lockpick in hand triumphantly and starts to proudly tell her that see? they've got this! does he realize her face has twisted into horror at something behind him, and as she shrieks for him to RUN, the butt of shotgun cracks into the back of his head, knocking him forward face first into the ground.

maria dives forward, grabbing leland's hands and tries to drag him closer toward the crawlspace as he lifts head in a daze, as charlie — 'sheriff hoyt' — steps closer, unnerving grin plastered on face as eyes linger on maria grabbing at leland, nearly sobbing and desperately trying to pull him through to her side.

charlie leans down, grabbing ankle and yanks him right back — a feeling that seems to bring clarity back to leland's face as he twists to look back and with other leg, KICKS at charlie's arm, at his chest, his face, forcing him to let go. he scrambles to hands and knees, and leland looks at maria through the crawlspace.

and in that moment of eyes meeting, of apologetic sadness flashing in his eyes, in his smile, maria stares back — horrified, as she reaches for him again, grabbing his shirt, tugging him, pleading with him to come over as he in turn rips her hands off him, softly telling her that she had to live, to please give his mother his cross when she gets out, please. i'm sorry.

and then he leans forward, and with one good shove to the middle of her chest, she's sent tumbling back into the tunnels behind her, and the clattering of sheet metal falling — closing up crawlspace between them — traps him in there, with charlie.

the wind was knocked from her as she tried to scramble back to feet, ignoring blistering pain in her chest as she grabbed at the base of metal, frantically trying to pull it back up — hearing the sounds of struggle on the other side, of pained grunts, of muffled taunts and laughter, of leland cursing the old fucker out, of him shouting for her TO JUST RUN FOR IT.

and just as she manages to pull metal back up, part of the way, can see their shadows on the floor. she hears leland stumble back, closer to her, and then a click-

and then the metal, the walls, her ears SHAKE with the sound of SHOTGUN BLAST cracking through the air.

and she sees blood spurt across the floor.

and watches one of the shadows stay still as the other stumbled, and then a loud THUD as it hit floor — just out of sight.

she froze at the silence that followed, the dread that settled in her chest. she heard footfalls, slowly walk closer, stopping just beside body. and then she heard a sneer, and a taunt, from the old man...

and maria knew, as she stared at the ground, at the blood that pooled across it, inching closer...

was leland's.

she heard the bastard looming over him, kicking at him, spitting vitriol down at unmoving body, before the amusement of it faded, and charlie's footfalls finally left the fucking room, and in the distance, hears the sound of door opening and slamming shut.

maria stayed still. afraid he would come back, yes — but mostly? afraid of what she was about to see on the other side.

but she knew she had to.

and when she finally gathered herself up, through shedding tears, trembling hands, does she take hold of the metal once more, and pulls it up, letting it jam back open before dropping to hands and knees, peering through at leland as she slowly crawled back through.

and when she could look down at his face, she simply broke.

his jaw shattered and hanging off. cheek shredded by shotgun shell. all crimson all gore and little remaining of one side of face that remotely resembled the friend she knew. if he had lived any point past the shell hitting him, surely the amount of blood that haloed around his head, soaking brown locks, seeping into fabric of his shirt, did him in.

either way, his remaining eye — at least from what she could tell — held no sign of life, no shine save for what tears had seemed to have welled in them during his stand-off with the old bastard.

and maria had no idea what to do. what to say. she couldn't carry him. she had to leave him there, in this hell — leave him to rot, leave him to these fucking people to do god knows what to his corpse...

it wasn't fair. that he laid here lifeless, and this fucking family got to live.

it wasn't fair that HE is the one dead on the ground — it should have been HER.

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE EVER BEEN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

maria crumpled into herself beside him as she wept, with head placed gently against his chest, with cheek pressed against marigold embroidery, as now her own useless apologies bubbled and spilled past sobs to him — for getting him into this whole mess, for him feeling like he had to play the role of a HERO for any of their sake, let alone for her.

he didn't deserve this.

she wished the tears that soaked through threaded petals would bring him back, entice his soul to return to him...so he could go home to his mother, rather than her simply getting a cross in his place.

#lifesver #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria flores. } #death cw #gun mention cw #injury mention / #violence cw

[meatriarchived]

[ cover ] - for sender to cover receiver with a blanket / jacket / coat as they’re lying down / nosy verse... and if i said he's placing blankets on maria and johnny, | @lifesver

thunderstorms had been hitting hard the last few days. with wind whistling past the walls of the shack, it was surprising that it held so well as rainfall sung along its rooftop. outside the single window was darkened by cloud cover. glow of lightning strike hitting now and again someplace far off brightening the sky and view from the glass, and with it, the inside of the shack.

what the roof over their heads and its walls surrounding them prided in its capability to withstand the elements raging against it, it lacked in keeping warm — even with three bodies inside it.

the still air was chilled, and for the one body who still sat awake at this late hour, sitting at the table, eyes focused on the property outside as it lit up with another crack of lightning, attention was diverted at the sound of stirring atop of mattress around the corner.

johnny had gone to bed long before either of them had after having been woken up at an ungodly hour early that morning to the sound of the phone ringing. to hear mama luda on the other end. 

one of the enclosed animal pens on the hewitt property had partially collapsed due to some rather strong wind gusts, and its roof and wall slanting in on itself caused a large enough gap and spooked the pigs inside and sent them scattering all over. thomas was running ragged trying to find and catch them all while also attempting to fish out the remaining ones left in the enclosure — they could use the extra hands if possible. she was sorry for disturbing their sleep at such an hour.

and yet, the moment johnny affirmed they’d go over and set the phone down, told them both to get up — that mama luda had called needing some help — how quick leland and maria were to kick off sheets and grab sweater and jacket, pull boots back onto tired feet. 

( how strange it was, how they both had grown so fond of the older woman. like a grandmother, like a mother, they both now jumped at the chance to help her when she asked. )

they drove off in the rain, miles down the road til they finally reached the hewitt homestead.

lights all on to welcome them in the dark, mama luda standing out on the front porch, waiting for them as they had gotten out and made their way up the front steps. for her to let johnny know which enclosure it was, how many of the damned pigs were still uncounted for.

that thomas was out there still, and with annoyance in tone when questioned on his whereabouts, that charlie was already gone for the day — didn’t expect him back til dinnertime, and she knew calling him to return home would take him hours to bother.

and so, the three had gone out in the rain, in the early morning hours, to help thomas off in the back field, in the fenced in plot their animals were left to roam in during good weather. searching around for the pigs — slipping in the mud, getting caught in small pits of deeper slush.

maria and leland sprinting with raindrops clouding their vision after the creatures, spooked and panicked as they zig-zagged every which direction while they were chased down and caught, wriggling and squealing in their arms as they’d run them back to the enclosure closest to the home. while johnny helped thomas clear away the destroyed half of the other enclosure, to get in and hand off the remaining pigs inside it.

it took long enough to have done so, and by the time they had them all accounted for — two having been injured, being closest to the fallen walls — the sky had brightened considerably despite the cloud cover still remaining overhead. it was long enough for the three to be iced to the bone, for clothes to be thoroughly soaked.

by the time they made it to the back porch, peeling off boots to not track mud inside, peeling outer layers off, mama luda was ready with three sets of dry, clean clothes for each of them, with towels to dry themselves off. and with pot of soup on the stove, already cooking through and near ready for them to eat and warm themselves up with — and in the meantime, tea and coffee were already mugged and awaiting them when they finished dressing.

they had sat there, with her at the kitchen table with their hot drinks, and moments after, once soup was ready, piping hot yet very much welcomed as it warmed them from the inside out with every bite.

( it still felt a little weird, how at home it felt sitting in the hewitt kitchen with her. like how it was for maria back at her abuela and abuelo’s home in mexico, which felt like a lifetime ago. felt so…foreign now. )

they stayed for a while at the hewitts, keeping mama luda company. helping her patch up a few leaks. johnny disappearing into the basement with thomas for some time while maria and leland stayed above, helping mama luda with other little chores as they waited for the rain to let up just enough for them to make the ride back to the shack.

for johnny to leave them there and go off once again after they had arrived, to start his own chores around the sawyer property, check in at the other house to make sure if anything needed to be done there.

and as they waited for him to return, the two sat at the table in the shack, talking — laughing at the absolute mess they both had been, running around in the mud, sharing disheveled stares and looks of disbelief and exasperation at one other through the sheets of rain falling down. it had been all so hectic.

it was funny to recount moments in all the chaos to one another. of him tripping over one of the larger ones that abruptly turned itself completely around and darted back at him, at his legs without giving him ample time to react. of her grasping onto one in her arms, it twisting and flailing itself so much it whacked her across the face with its head and made her nearly drop it.

they had to find some peace and humor in something, right?

so when the rain had kicked in again, and the sky slowly darkened further as day flowed into evening and then into nightfall, the door unlocked and swung open. they looked away from one another at johnny stepping in and locking it behind him. dinner in hand, for them, muttering that he’d already eaten, he was tired, was going to pass the fuck out.

he set food down on the table in between them, and walked straight to the other half of the shack, changing as he did and kicking off dirtied boots. and then to his mattress, dropped himself down and was out like a light.

the pair at the table glanced at one another, faint smiles passed between them, and they quietly went ahead and ate. keeping voices hushed to not disturb him. about helping around the hewitt home, pointing out other little things they could possibly try to fix or clean up the next time they went over to help. noting how it feels being there, in mama luda’s company — how she reminded them both of their family back home.

how it was… nice? in a way. to have found a small piece of that here. 

( it humanized these people more…made it seem like in any other circumstance? they would have simply been an everyday, normal family. like the flores’, like the mckinneys’. ) 

reminiscing their families. how they used to sit around the table with one another, share stories of their day. of his sisters’ hobbies and school activities. of her mothers’ medical appointments, of caring for her after she’d come home from treatments. of their inside jokes and their fondest memories with them. of wondering how they were doing, what they were up to now.

( silently, they both wondered: do they miss us? are they grieving us? or have they simply moved on now? us simply a passing landmark in their rearview mirrors? )

quiet passed over them.

they watched out the window, as rain snaked down along glass pane. as distant lightning strikes started up once more. maria counted the seconds in between them, one after the other.

like counting sheep.

and before she knew it, she felt a gentle nudge from leland.

with a small smile he motioned with his head to the other side of the shack, murmuring that she should head to sleep, that her head was beginning to droop, and her eyes were starting to close.

maria voices no protest to the suggestion and simply gives a small nod, now feeling the heaviness of eyelids, the ache in her limbs from all the commotion of the morning and she stands up out of the chair, pushing it in as she points out that he should sleep soon, too. and he flashes her another smile and nods, reassuring her that he will - he’s just going to watch he rain a bit longer, and clear the table when hes done.

maria’s brow raises at him, playfully doubtful, but she returns the smile and nods, leaning down and leaving a kiss on his forehead, telling him to not to be up too late, and wishing him goodnight, before turning and disappearing behind the wall beside the table, to their mattress across from johnny’s.

where he listened as she got settled under sheets, and until he no longer heard her shifting to find a comfortable position before she, too, was sound asleep.

the rain was peaceful to watch. in the darkness of the shack. in its silence save for the sound of the rainfall on rooftop, of the wind and rumbles of thunder far overhead. perhaps it was calming enough to entice him to stay awake longer, in spite of how tired he must be.

a stir around the corner catches attention, and leland peeks around wall at maria, curled up tightly into herself on the mattress, wrapped up in sheet. and seeing her shiver realizes just how cold the shack has gotten again. he steals a glance at johnny, and sees he simply dropped himself over his own covers when he had gone to sleep.

his eyes wander up to shelves, with handmade quilts stacked on top of one another above johnny’s bed, and quietly walks over to them. carefully, he pulls one down, unfolding it and looking down at johnny before laying it over atop of him.

maria stirs a little at the sounds made across the room, of fabric unfolding and of his footfalls crossing along the floor. eyelids twitch and lashes flutter lightly, as she can feel herself waking. too tired though to want to open eyes, to lift head and see what he's doing.

leland has paused to ensure johnny isn’t woken up, before maria can hear the sounds of him pulling down another, unfolding it as well. she feels his footfalls as they cross over beside her, hears the sound of his clothes as he leans over the mattress.

she can feel his presence close by as the weight of the blanket drapes against her back.

with a little more care, leland lays it down over her. making sure she’s fully covered, making sure there’s no gaps for the cold air to snake its way through, to make her shiver again.

after glancing back to johnny, she hears him beginning to stand back straight, maria stirs and opens her eyes up at him and hand reaches out and gently stops him — knows if she doesn't, he may end up staying awake longer, exhausting himself further than she knows he already is.

still mostly asleep, face still half buried in pillow, maria softly, tiredly, whispers up at him,

“ lay down…sleep. please, lee. ”

#hope this reads coherent esp with my lil ramble of pigs but heres some lil cuteness in the midst of the dire au c: #[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { no one saved you. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria flores. } #lifesver #animal injury / #just in case cause the poor pigs-

[meatriarchived]

❛ I wish you would have told me. ❜ / and if i said ch 2 maria and leland | @lifesver

maria pauses as she holds out a mug of hot chocolate to place in front of her dear old friend. almost twenty years since she last saw his face, that evening they laid in the field, watching the clouds roll lazily overhead. twenty years since she had packed her things and took off without warning. without telling even ana where she had gone to. twenty. years.

mug meets table with a gentle clink, something warm and welcoming on a day such as this - with darkened grey clouds weeping down upon the world. a common occurrence for maria now, likely not so much for him.

maria sits slowly down across the table from him, nestled beside the window of her small kitchen, letting in a dim light that just barely illuminates the openness of her little home hidden amongst trees.

twenty years. and yet, the topic still brings a stiffness to her throat.

"lee-" old habits die young it seems; it was purely instinct, really, the way nickname rolls of the tongue so easily, "there was-..." she stops herself, brow knotting together as she chewed the insides of her cheeks. there was so much i wanted to say then. her mind finishes for her, silently.

fingertips fiddle with the handle of her own mug, the warmth seeming into her skin helping to keep her calm enough to quietly continue, "i wish i hadn't done what i did - leaving, like i did. without...saying anything, not keeping in touch at least."

"i really have missed you all, truly. i just...i didn't know how to go back, not without thinking you guys may have still been upset, or had moved on and didn't care. i suppose...maybe a part of me also kind of wished that, too, that you all had gone on to live amazing lives, with families and pets and holidays and all of that."

maria's eyes study leland - and she can almost see traces reminiscent of her own emptiness in his. a boy who had once been an echoed laughter under the warmth of the sun, seemed all but dulled out. perhaps it was merely the time in-between when she last saw him to now - time and age and traversing into proper adulthood that made him seemed weighed down rather than holding himself high, shoulders broad and proud.

eyes lower from his face, to the mug in his hand, and her shoulders give a tired shrug, "i wasn't...in any place able, i felt, to stay beside you all and not feel like i had a ball and chain trapped around each of you...i felt - i suppose i still do - feel that what we went through, what you guys were brought into, was my burden to carry. i was-... no, i suppose i simply am just broken, lee," smile spreads across her cheeks, "-i know we each had our own hell we experienced at that house...we all fought for our lives, and we made it out, and the scars of that are evident both in and outside of us all."

maria forces herself to stop a moment, to take a sip from her mug, to help swallow down the knot twisting and growing in her throat and gut.

"...i was with those people for weeks. tormented for weeks...i still have scarring from that asshole marking my skin, that i have to see every single time i look at myself. i see their faces bent over me at night at times, i can still hear their-..."

her smile broadens weakly at him, "i didn't have the words then to explain...explain how...split apart i've felt, or how paranoid i am around men who look like him, how i jump at every creak of floorboards. how...angry i am."

#[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { queue. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

so i added maria to test her out and its been a couple days with her. and i was planning to give her some more time to feel her out, esp since i dont own the game so theres info and dynamics that im sure show in-game that i definitely am missing even with watching stream gameplay. its a bit tough writing someone whose yknow. dead already. :') so i dunno. mm.

.

she's stayin'. :)

i'm enjoying her too much. she's gonna be set as a primary muse.

maria's tag dump below

but seriously, i wanna know more about her. her dynamics and bonds with her friends. who of the group was she arguably closest to? i have thoughts that she already knew julie before anyone else, and then met sonny and the others followed suit but.

( also, unless its noted anyplace in canon, my maria loves / will fall for just about anyone c: she's pan. if you're sweet / caring / let her ramble in the middle of museums and art galleries then you've won her over already sdfjkg but seriously, she just finds everyone very pretty )

i wanna know what else she liked to do; i know she was a big hike and camper girl. she just loved being outdoors and being in fresh air and just living in the moment. between her classes and any work she did, she just enjoyed having the freedom and peace to do as she wanted. it made her feel invulnerable in a sense, made her a bit careless. she dropped her guard so easily, trusted too easy.

i just wanna know more about her :( gimmie

i wanna know about how she was with everyone both all together and separately. cause i know her demeanor changed slightly depending on who she was alone with. ana for sure saw more of her low-energy, anxiety-ridden self, waking up by sleep paralysis, things like that.

just. AHHHHHH.

but also just wanted to say that these last couple days have been so much fun. i really do enjoy seeing all the gushing over this group in your guys' posts and i love reading your threads and ask responses, you're all so fantastic with their emotions its gut-wrenching and sinister and so much fun interacting with c;

i wasn't really sure about coming back from my hiatus, esp with how long it was. but im really glad i did. just wanted to say a lil thank you and let you guys know i just love your writing and im loving all the interactions so far :')

#i wish there was more about her out currently so i could look it up and decide what id want to have in her portrayal and everything #itd be helpful to know any possible variations of how she was k.illed. cause i dunno i just. dont believe she was killed immediately #following being caught. but that may just be my 'what if' scenarios screaming in my ear that she had to have been kept alive long enough fo #that possible last reunion lol #[ mf ] ── * 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘. { maria. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐄𝐒. { maria. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄. { maria. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐈𝐂. { maria. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐇𝐂 / 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

❛ I’m scared. That’s all I am. ❜ | @fcused

back rested firm against wall. there was almost a lightheadedness buzzing about her mind, and the stability of structure behind her helped ground her. twenty years. nearly, two full decades since she'd last seen the faces all gathered in the same room at last. since she's seen nor spoken to a single one of them, save for ana, once in a blue moon ( to keep her from worrying and gathering them all up like she had so long ago. )

maria's eyes crossed the room slowly, taking in each and every one of them.

of leland, after he had been the one to find and reach out to her - when he had shown up in front of her secluded home, in the middle of a rain shower at the start of the week. like a lost dog, soaked down to bone, large round eyes gazing sadly back at her - at the state she was in, miserable ( they both had realized how alike they were, how broken they became. )

of her sister, who had grown so much since they last saw one another. firm in her beliefs, firm in her dislike of the reason they all finally crossed state lines to meet once again. older, wiser, somehow far better off than maria could ever imagine. she had done so well for herself ( she did well without you, whispers harsh spat in the back of her mind. ) and maria's eyes lingering on her and sonny for a moment as they quietly spoke amongst themselves.

of sonny, eyes still friendly and features still kind, just as he'd been all that time ago. he stood taller, shoulders firm and confidence swelling him up. he worked hard for his degrees, graduating top of his class, went off to be successful. he truly deserved it, for all that hard work, the sleepless nights he'd spent. she was proud of him, for continuing where some of them simply could not.

eyes passing to julie and danny, standing side by side. danny brows were furrowed, and his voice lowered as he and leland spoke - quiet but harsh, of disbelief and anger flickering his features. he was most vocal about this entire thing. he still is. ( he's angry that this is even a thought, that any of us even consider going back to that house, back to where everything soured and spoiled in their lives - how their friendships with each other suffered for it, how they all went separate ways after she had quietly left in the night. ) the two of them, feet planted firm, voices hushed yet tumbling fast over one another as they argued amongst themselves, with julie - sweet as she was - trying to ease them both, settle them down.

and then, maria's eyes turn to connie - and pairs of hazel and green meet and lock together.

she'd been rather quiet, save for voicing her own dislike of the idea. hesitant to agree at all, but crumbling when she'd realized the rest of them were willing to join if they all were. she hates the idea - and maria does not blame her in the slightest.

when leland had laid out all the cards, of going back, maria was as dumbstruck as danny was. ( the thought itself was never foreign to her - she'd considered doing the same for years, now. )

the words had been stripped from her mouth because it was leland saying it.

she hadn't expected it to fall past his lips.

if anything, she could believe it were to from from danny. but not leland.

maria glances to the others, busy amongst themselves, not paying mind to the pair of them quietly off to themselves, and turns back to connie, motioning with her head for them to go someplace quieter, before moving away from the wall, and slipping out of view with her.

out to the back porch of the flores' home, into the cool night air. ( it felt less suffocating than inside, where tensions were still high. )

maria waited, quietly watching connie follow her out, closing door shut behind them both. lips part to speak, yet nothing spills out at first. and maria bites down on inside of cheek, finding herself unsure of what to say, and for a few moments they stand out there in silence.

maybe it was just the quiet peace they needed, after everything being said and decided on inside.

she breathes in deep - once, twice, a few more times than she cares to admit - before exhaling in a puff, and she turns to her, and asks if she's okay, truly, with what they plan to do - to go back to that damned house.

and green eyes meet hers once again, and response is simple, quiet, and heavy in the air.

" i'm scared. that's all i am. "

maria watches her for a moment, allowing her words to sink in. where leland and herself harbored their...anger over the years, their hate at what had been done to all of them - it was only fair how the others likely still felt fear at the thought of reliving everything they had gone through ( it was so long ago - and yet it still haunted each of them ).

head nods, faintly, after the silence, and she draws in breath between teeth and lets it out slow again. bitter smile playing at the corners of her lips as voice drops to a whisper,

" i'm scared too. admittedly, i'm terrified. "

all her memories of those weeks spent there - the few with johnny, the others with nancy, and then the last days strung up and locked away in the sprawling tunnels, exhausted, hallucinations still plaguing her vision - they still came to her, in dreams, in the corners of her room. in the rise of heartrate, the coiling of gut.

every morning and every evening when she lifts shirt off, and she sees that scrawled J still so pronounced, still so ugly, carved permanently into her skin...

the thought of seeing frenzied eyes and toothy grin - widened and wild - once again sent cold chills down her spine and bile to her throat.

the thought of seeing the older woman - of seeing nancy once again, however...

maria squeezes eyes shut, pushing back thoughts that make her stomach churn worse; feeling herself tensed at the itch in her fingertips - that if she could only get close enough to the HAG to close hands around throat-

another squeeze of eyelids, another shove of thoughts to back of mind, and maria's eyes open slowly, and look back at connie, sadness and understanding in them.

she doesn't want any of this. and i don't want it for her. she doesn't deserve this.

" you don't...you know you don't have to come, connie. "

faint smile crosses face, brows pinched together, as she continues, " you don't need to, if you truly don't want to. it may be the smartest thing to do, honestly. regardless of what may happen. " her shoulders lift in a shrug, " who knows? maybe by the time we get there, we'll have realized every single one of those fuckers are long dead already. maybe that's for the best, that they are. or that they aren't even there anymore, and its' just an empty shell of a house now. "

smile falters a bit. she knows that each of them would never allow any of them to go back - not alone, not without the rest of them.

" i'm angry. i'm- i'm so fucking angry, and, i'm hateful of these people, what they did to us, what they did to me... " she can feel the sting of tears in her eyes, and she swallows hard, " but that- that's not any of yours or the others' responsibility or obligation, to come along, when you don't want to - when its probably better that you don't. "

and maria realizes, how cruel it all is. in connie's position, in any of the others', to feel like they must, for their friends, return back to that hell they had barely managed to escape twenty years ago. and cruel as well, to tell her she can simply wait behind - for what? news of their disappearances, like what had happened with them when she had been taken?

how fucking cruel.

jaw clenches tightly, tooth grinding against tooth, as she stomachs the guilt bubbling in her.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU PUT THEM ALL THROUGH THIS AGAIN?

she whispers apologies into the night air.

to connie. to her sister, to sonny, to danny and julie. to leland.

she regrets coming back. she regrets not having made the choice on her own to return to the house - to see for herself if it laid full or abandoned yet.

she regrets not taking scarred and diseased rabbit out back and putting it down before any of this came to fruition.

" i'm sorry connie. for- for everything. for all of this. "

#fcused #[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { retribution. } #me when maria feels solely responsible for every single thing theyve all gone thru and even tho its lee that brings it up #she still feels guilty that the others are involved too. that THIS was their reunion after nearly twenty years.... #like man.............. they all just. coulda lived on a farm with some cute animals and been happy and healing but no.... no... #they had to be angy sad lil meow meows- #connie deserves better. she deserves not to feel like shes possibly losing them all over again. :') #but also hi hello welcome to the novel club!!!!! :D #implied self harm / #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

the early morning hours slowly ticked on by, and maria carefully stepped over the others all strewn about the middle of her livingroom. all having finally tired out, drinks settling in and passing a wave of drowsiness over each of them to lull them to sleep — nestled under blankets they brought with them. finally asleep after their little friendsmas party fizzled out for the night.

maria steals a glance at the wall clock, reading just past four, before she makes her way to the kitchen, idly and quietly tidying things up a little, making sure containers of cookies and other sweets she and connie had baked the day before were closed up tight and stacked off to the side.

she hears donnie's voice, tiredly mumbling incoherent question from beside her, jolting and looking up at him, stifling a laugh as she whispers, " oh— sorry, i didn't know you were awake, too. you spooked me for a second. " chuckle comes from him, followed by a sorry for sneaking up on her like that, before asking again — clearer, this time — if she needed any help.

maria smiles sweetly and shakes her head, " no, i just wanted to make sure things were closed up. we can clean in the morning— oh, "

eyes catch onto the mistletoe above kitchen doorway, she takes hold of his arm and points over to it, " i think i missed you when the others were going around! " she looks up at him, grinning, and turns her cheek to the side a little, to let him lean in and leave a kiss — one, perhaps, that lingers against her cheek some moments longer — before he begins to pulls away, to give her space to return it.

and maria, all too happy to make sure he got one too, hops up on tiptoe to meet him, but misses his cheek and instead kisses at just the corner of his mouth, before going back down on her feet. beaming contently up at him and hugging him before either of them could process the little hiccup in aim she just made, " there we go! merry christmas, vaquero! "

🌿🍒 ( one for miss maria :3c ) | @priestbit

#belated xmas kiss for our cowboy but you know i doubt he'll complain about it in the slightest :3c merry late xmas donnie <3 #priestbit #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

"you've got such a bright future ahead of you, sweetie. i'm just sorry i won't be there to see it." hehe saying goodbye before she moves back to illinois? :) | @fcused

the sentiment was shared equally. maria wished so much that they were all able to stay close to one another, not just in their friendship but physically in touch after they had finished their studies.

a warm smile, however, still spread across maria's face at connie and she wraps her arms around her, bringing her into an embrace, giving her a little squeeze, "i can only hope i do. whatever's coming next for me, it's going to be a little duller without seeing you around all the time now, though, connie," she eases her hug, so she can look at her and grin, "please let us stay in touch? i can send you letters if its easier than traveling too often to try and meet up, i'll add in little gifts in the envelopes, too."

maria wished time hadn't flown them all by so quickly to see each other off into their next chapters, chapters that didn't include them all spending their downtimes with one another, going out or having day trips together. it was going to be lonely, she thought, without them all within arms reach.

"i hope you know i love you, and i cannot wait to hear all about things back home with you. you have to tell me all about the animals when we write! i'd love to go up sometime, after you've settled back home of course, to swing through to say hi."

#maria vc: hey what do you mean youre leaving?🧍‍♀️ without us? tf? #[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { queue. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

&. ❛ we’re still friends, right? ❜ / what if i said post game maria and leland... hes worried abt her ): | @lifesver

Oh the way stomach twists and coils and jerks in her gut. His question, posed ever so gently, so quietly, so disheartened...God the nausea. She could feel its heat shoot from deep inside up to her throat. God the question made her ill. Made the views surrounding them blur and angle cock-eyed, furthering the clenching of her insides at the question as the world around them appears to spin and distort in her eyes.

We are still friends? Right?

Maria knew she had been slowly taking steps away from their group in recent weeks, since they were finally sent home after recovering. Seeing them cleaned off, in fresh clothes, bandaged and stitched together as if those would heal the wounds they separately earned in their own minds; she'd thought, when she'd first come to, that they were better off now, that they were fine, they were safe, they made it and everything would be back to normal.

What a joke, hisses a voice at the back of her mind.

Maria looks back up to Leland, to meet his eyes. She can see the way his features twist themselves in worry, and she bites at the insides of her cheek; she's still making them worry over her, how selfish of her.

Lips part to speak yet nothing forms on them. Not for a little longer. But no matter the series of words she thinks to say, to try and avoid the question perhaps, to try and maybe turn this to a brighter topic even, those sour in the back of her tongue - a warning of nausea still lingering. She knows she couldn't get away with doing so, no matter how convincing she may try to come across. Not with Leland.

These last few weeks, she's heard little outside of her head screaming at her to leave. And it truly only was them - Ana, her friends - that kept her rooted here still. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to be alone. ( but you should - so they might stay safe from your stupidity. )

Maria feels his eyes on her still. And she knows she's been silent too long; the heaviness in the air is as persistent and suffocating as these damned voices, the heat in her throat-

"Yes. Yes, we are, Lee. At least, I -... I hope we are." voice hitches in her throat, and theres that all-too familiar sting behind her eyes and she can't stop herself to think before continuing, "I don't want this, I don't want to feel like this is killing us all, we got out, we're alive-," her words are tumbling out now they've started, cracking her voice, hardly giving room to breathe, "-yet I, I feel like I'm rotting from the inside out, and I feel like if I get too close to any of you it'll spread and rot you all too, Lee, I thought when we got back I wouldn't still be scared yet I still feel terrified-" Maria cuts herself off, a hopeless laugh mixed with the beginning of a sob, and a hand moves up to cover her mouth, stifle them both ( I'm still terrified of losing you all. )

#[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { queue. } #lifesver #the way i see her imagery going from soft and warm and living florals - to rotting and disease like shes somehow plaguing them #if she stays around. like if she stands nearby then all the flowers of their memories will be tainted by her somehow. will wilt and die off #they all desperately need like. one giant slumber party and just sleep all over each other or something. therapy too. but also a sleepover. #get themselves back into a sense of peace with each other. namely staring @ her tho bhjasdjg #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

&. ❛ i’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still. ❜ maria:3 | @fcused

A huff passes Maria's lips, an exaggerated noise closely followed by a wide grin, stifling a laugh. "Okay okay, I'm staying so perfectly still right now."

Maria stiffens herself up, playfully, looking dead ahead of herself with eyes partly widened. She is but a statue sitting on the little vanity stool front of Connie as she works through deep brunette locks; and she almost perfectly embodies one if not for the corners of her lips playing at that grin, with chin quivering beneath it to hold in a laugh.

She clears her throat a little, to stop another giggle from bubbling out of her, glancing up as she feels Connie's hands ever so carefully work through her hair - the feeling sending little shivers through her, "How am I so lucky to have a friend who makes sure I don't go out looking ridiculous?"

#maria: ladies make sure you choose friends who dont send you out just to laugh behind your backs. find yourself a connie! #she'll help with your hair AND stab a bitch with a bone shard for you 😊 #fcused #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

it looked like the second leland had started going around the room, pointing out his little mistletoe piece on headband that everyone else seemed to be stung by the urge to follow suit. danny backed away from couch, slinking out of sight to the little porch, standing half in, half out of the doorway. a half-assed effort to hide from the onslaught of kisses going on inside.

short-lived, too, once he felt playful push against arm, and looks down at connie standing beside him, brow raised, as she teasingly asked if he was hiding away from them.

a huff comes from him in response, glancing past her in time to watch julie smother sonny's cheek in kisses, before looking back to connie, " normally i'd say no. but sure, i'm hiding this time. " a chuckle is shared between them. connie reaching into pocket, likely to dig out a smoke, before maria pops up from behind her, grinning at them both, as she points above their heads to the top of the doorframe — " lee made sure to put those up all over so, here's your guys' kisses! "

danny's face drops, and he twists himself to look above their heads at the little sprig of mistletoe sure enough tacked onto the wall.

shoulders fall and he groans, as maria hugs connie first, holds her cheek and kisses the other, cheerily piping up as she cups both her cheeks, lightly squishing them, " merry christmas! i love you, connie! " as lets her cheeks go before hugging her once again. turning to danny, and without another protest he leans down, letting her kiss his cheek as well, returns her hug.

danny watches the back of maria's head, as she happily returns to the livingroom, then looks down to connie — back into green eyes boring up into his. " what? don't tell me you want a kiss too, now. " comes question, voice feigning exasperation, from past amused smile. her arms cross over chest as brow raises up at him in turn, yet again teasing does she retort, " oh, so you're saying that i don't get to have one? "

a snort comes from him, only smiling more down at her with a hum, " i don't know, maybe. maybe not. we'll see— " a grin is flashed down at her, but gently, hand raises between them and he tips her head up and leaves a kiss to her cheek, letting go and turning his head for her to return it, pulling her into a hug and lowering head to kiss the top of hers, " te quiero, con. even with all your hissiness— " he feels smack at him, and he laughs against her hair, leaving another kiss and hugging her a little tighter.

🌿🍒 and little kees for danny :) & 🌿🍒 little kees for maria | @fcused

#they should all get kisses all the time frankly. danny stop tryna hide from your friends loving on you challenge- #merry late xmas connie we love you c: #fcused #[ d ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { danny. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

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[meatriarchived]

maria's apartment buzzed with energy, radio static playing faint alongside the tunes blaring out from behind speaker. dinner already cooked, plated, eaten — for the most part, at least. thirds, fourths even were still being sneakily added onto everyones' plates as they wandered about the dining and living rooms. laughter and half-drunken shouting and chatter filling the air, with the warming presence of their little group of friends all around.

danny had long made himself comfortable, hip leaned against side of the couch, standing to let the others sit on the couch and chairs. beer in hand as eyes rolled up to the ceiling, smile tugging up corner of mouth as the others crooned along to the song playing.

he spots leland from peripheral, as he sidled up beside him, smile cautiously plastered across face, cheeks lightly rosied from the drinks. danny lowers bottle and raises a brow, already suspicious as eyes narrow, " ...yes? " comes simple question, already dreading what he might want from him — swear to god if he tries putting that damn hat back on my-

but leland's voice, cautiously hopeful, cuts into train of thought. with a point of finger to his headband — specifically, to the little mistletoe piece attached to it — he pipes up, " y'know, it's a long-standing tradition, danny — can't possibly say no, right? "

leland's face falls into a pout the moment danny's, right after question is posed, goes expressionless. leland opens mouth again, however, danny moves bottle to opposite hand, and brings arm around his neck, pulling him closer and planting a kiss to leland's cheek, then to temple, pausing to fix his headband back into place before muttering — voice more gentle than usual — " that's all you're getting from me, but, aunque te quiero, chico de oro— "

shortly after making rounds, gathering kisses from the others, does he make his way around corner into the kitchen, spotting maria pouring out another glass of wine for herself.

maria glances up across countertop when she hears him walk in and beams, " did you want some more while i have it open? " she offers, motioning with head to the extra glasses set out. a shake of his head and maria looks at him questioningly, until he again points out the little mistletoe on his headband, " i've got mostly everyone so far. haven't gotten a kiss from you yet. it's tradition. " with a grin, cutely, back at her.

eyes follow his hand when he points it out before she laughs and grins, happily setting down bottle and rounding the counter to him, " oh how could i say no? " she teases, motioning with her hands for him to lean down closer.

she cups his face, and kisses one cheek, then the other, then tilts his head down to kiss his forehead, and then leaves one on his nose. leaning back and smiling up at him, " there you go! tradition kept- oh! " she lets go of one side of his face, gently wiping at the tip of his nose, " oops, made you look like rudolph, sorry, my lipstick got on you! — there we go, all set. " she grins and lets him straighten back up, smiling still before she adds, " I'm happy you got to join us this year, lee. merry christmas. "

🌿🍒 dealers choice for maria or daniel but he’s gonna look so sad if u don’t kiss him | @lifesver

#both? both. c: ffdsnkj merry late xmas lee #we'll let lee get TWO kisses in one #lifesver #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. } #[ d ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { danny. }

[meatriarchived]

she knew she'd forgotten something. she was already bundled up in coat and long sleeves, jeans, but the chill of the air did warrant another coat, to help with the wind at least. and it was beginning to bite through her. evident by how much she trembled as she walked beside johnny, through field, heading over to the pigs' enclosure to be sure everyone was accounted for, that it was shut up good and tight so they could rest comfortable and warm.

she drew closer into herself, arms tight to self, as she shifted from one foot to the other. keeping jaw tight to stop teeth from chattering against one another.

( she really didn't like the cold. not that much anyways. not with having to stand and walk around in it for too long . . . explains why she asks him, from time to time on cold nights in the shack, to sleep beside him. its warmer, then, from how quick their little home gets chilled at night, when the temperature drops. )

she watched johnny unlock door and step inside, following close behind to get away from the wind at least, closing it most of the way behind her to keep the cold out as much as possible. eyes returned to him, watching him peer over barrier to do a head count on the pigs as they peered back up at him, little grunts and snorts filling the air.

maria walks over beside him, peering over as well and smiling at them, giving them a little wave and mouthing a hello cuties to them, being quiet so to not disturb his count.

a shiver runs through her, and she crosses arms tight, eyes darting about to each of the pigs, quietly counting to herself, in time for him to state the number; and once eyes fall on the last pig she sees, she gives him a nod to affirm the same count. lets him pass her back towards the door, trailing after him again, as he swings door back open and the blast of cold air that hits her makes her cringe and shiver hard, loudly suck in air.

johnny stops from stepping outside hearing her, turns to look down at her, “what— are you cold? " maria holds her hands up a little, " oh, no i'm alright. it was just the wind when the door opened— " she trailed off however as he shrugged jacket off shoulders. " here  -  take my jacket, " said simply, in usual tone of voice. but it still made her fluster, with it off from around his shoulders — his black turtleneck uncovered, now — and she tried to assure him she was okay, again, that she didn't need it and he did, but he brought it around her, dropping heavy weight of it onto her shoulders, and continued on his way outside, telling her on the way out to wear it or don't, her choice.

scurried out after him, holding onto jacket to ensure it didn't fall onto the ground off her shoulders, she paused to wait for him to lock up the enclosure — unbothered, seemingly by the cold at all even in just turtleneck. and he glances at her, eyes flicking down and up again, before turning and continuing to the chicken coop next.

she stood there for a moment, watching his back, before drawing jacket further around to block the chill from reaching her, as a small smile came across her face, and she continued after him.

it was warm, inside.

and it smelled like him.

“are you cold? here  -  take my jacket.” | @johnnysslaughter

#a lil Soft for xmas eve yknow c: <3 #johnnysslaughter #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

&. ❛  you don’t have to deal with this on your own.  ❜ / for maria :') | @lifesver

the clouds above them crept ever so slowly across the sky above their heads, shielding the lowering suns rays as night beckoned it to sink below the horizon line.

she listened quietly, hearing leland shift the grass blades under his head as he turns to glance at her. could feel him study her as they laid there among the wildflowers and grass, the faint twinkle of so very distant stars waking from their daytime slumber.

a small smile lifts her lips a little, and she gives a small nod to let him know she heard him, murmuring softly, "i know, lee...don't worry." she breathes in quietly, and slowly lets it out. and a frost creeps into her chest, tightening around her heart, and she feels a lump catch in her throat.

her place was already packed up. car filled with all she could shove into it. the rest already on its way thousands of miles from here, north and west from texas. her place was a shell of all its decor, all the furniture and photographs pinned to the walls - all traces of her were no longer there, save for juniper and her carrier, waiting on her. by this time tomorrow, she'll be gone. ( its' too late for her to change her mind... )

"i'm okay. i'll be okay." she adds, in part to reassure him, but also in an attempt to convince herself of the same, watching the sky before turning to look at him, smiling a little more. wanting to make sure she remembered clearly his features, his kind eyes and smile. these moments just sitting and laying out in the fresh air, joking and laughing and telling each other stories.

"you need to remember that too, though. promise me that? that you'll talk with the others when you need to?" she lifts a hand, pinky finger held out to him, "can't break it if you promise, you know." she gives him a little grin, silently hoping this last promise he keeps forever.

#lifesver #[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { queue. } #leland being the last out of them all she speaks to in person before she leaves (despair sobbing screaming) #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }

[meatriarchived]

&. ❛ because you love me! duh! ❜ / ok dumb boy. for maria! | @lifesver

Laughter fills the air around them as Maria's head shakes, a broad grin spread across her face, accentuating the apples of her cheeks, flushing from the laughs.

He never fails putting a smile on her face, whether from his and Sonny's antics or the silly little faces he makes when he's goofing off. He's simply just got a charm about him, and Maria believes it's one of the most endearing little pieces of him.

"You are absolutely right Lee, it is," And it truly was, and she hoped he knew that her love of him would follow him always, wherever the two may go. "-and you better never forget it, or I'll haunt you forever!"

#a short and sweet lil one c: #lifesver #[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { queue. } #[ mf ] ── * 𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃. { maria. }