#「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white

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@queensconquest​ said,  ❛ these  things  do  happen . ❜ (lw & sqx)

Shi Fei doesn’t look up, wringing her hands in the bedsheets, tears welling up in her eyes and making her nose sting with how hard she tries to hold them back. She can’t recall ever not finishing a mission or failing a mission and making things worse. Ming Yi was always there to make sure if she couldn’t do it on her own, he could easily pick up the slack.

These days, she doesn’t have backup. She has a few friends— His Highness and the Generals included, but they were often busy, and Shi Fei won’t dare ask, not even Feng Xin. She, of course, feels as though she has something to prove, that she does really belong here this time around.

And if there’s residual recklessness because of her trauma, of not wanting to be here, well— she doesn’t want them seeing the ugly side of her.

“What happens now?” she asks, trying not to sound too despondent. 

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #queensconquest

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@dreams-of-fate​ said,  “marry her. it seems simple enough.” (pm @ sqx)

“It’s not that simple. I have... baggage that I may never get over, so it’s not fair of me to tie her to me like that. She deserves better than me, anyway, and to ask that of her is too selfish. I love her. So much that it scares me. ”

Shi Fei used to be a hopeless romantic, even through disastrous flings and the terrible rumors about herself and her brother. None of it ever truly tarnished the notion of finding love, of getting married, of finding domestic bliss.

Until the betrayal. Until she fell.

Things changed, she changed. Now she fears.

“I wish... I wish I’d met her before everything happened.”

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #dreamsoffate

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@queensconquest​ said, ❛ say the word & i will follow you . ❜ ( fx & sqx )

It’s a simple mission, nothing too dangerous or make Feng Xin worry that she might do something reckless. Shi Fei knows he’s worried, knows that lately she comes back to the Heavens with injuries more often than not. How can he not worry, not want to come with her to make sure she isn’t putting herself in harms way on purpose? Maybe he’s finally realized that it’s getting close to that anniversary.

“Feng-ge, you don’t have to ask for my word if you want to come along. I’ll be fine, but if you want to go along, then start packing. I won’t say no.”

Normally she’d wave off his worries, but maybe she’s just a little afraid of herself. Not that she’ll voice this. She doesn’t want to be coddled— not right now, anyway. Knowing Feng Xin, her sweet puppy, he’ll go straight and tell His Highness and Ol’ Pei, too.

The last thing Shi Fei wants is an intervention of sorts.

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #queensconquest

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@queensconquest​ said, ❛ is this what you wanted to see ? ❜ ( hx & sqx )

Shi Fei still isn’t overly fond of water, but the fear that once kept ahold of her has turned into something more like a simple discomfort. Sitting in a boat made out of a coffin on the open black sea does little to help that discomfort. But, she had wanted to see, hadn’t she? And at least she wasn’t in the water.

Bone dragons circle the boat like vultures beneath the waves, and she’s in awe of the sheer size of them. If these black waters can hold something this big comfortable what other secrets is it hiding? Is her brother’s head at the very bottom, resting against the ocean floor in inky darkness?

That’s a road she doesn’t want to go down.

Instead she peers over the edge of the boat as one comes closer than expecting, gently rocking the boat as it bumps against it. Shi Fei sucks in a quiet breath and holds it for a moment until the rocking stops.

After a moment, she scoots a little closer to the edge and dips her hand into the water, fingertips ghosting down the dragon’s long, skeletal back as it swims by.

“Yes. This is— yes. Thank you, Lord Blackwater.”

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #queensconquest #she pat the dragon

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@weidizi​ said, ❛ the  world  showed  no  compassion  to  me ! ❜ // have a ghost wwx for sqx

With a sympathetic smile, she presses a hand to the ghost’s cool cheek, thumb gently stroking across it. She, more than anyone else in the Heavens save for perhaps Xie Lian, knows how cruel the world can be, how cruel fate can be.

But she knows too, that even in the hopelessness, in her darkest hours, there was still kindness shown to her. Perhaps it wasn’t in the places that she expected to find it, though that didn’t make it any less real and welcome.

“I know,” She murmurs softly, “The world was so unkind to you, despite how you tried to be a bright spot in it. That cruelness beat you down and broke you, didn’t it? Reshaped you into someone else. I can see why you’re angry. But isn’t it better to take that anger out on the people who deserve it rather than innocent people who don’t?”

#weidizi #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan )

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@dreams-of-fate​ said,  ❝  i love you.  and i know you don’t feel that way about me and that’s okay i just.  i wanted to get to say it at least once.  ❞ (fei fei @ sqx : '') )

“Li-guniang—” She stops herself, takes a breath and begins again, “Fei Fei. That isn’t— it’s not true. My feelings are... complicated.”

Something in her chest squeezes tight, though her hand doesn’t go to rest on her chest. Instead it goes to her throat and she touches it lightly, knowing soon enough she’ll feel phantom fingers there, gripping. Even after all this time, it’s still the same when she gets herself in an upset tizzy.

“I gave... I gave my heart away along time ago and never really got it back. Not whole, anyway. It’s half missing, half shattered. I don’t like talking about it, I don’t like... remembering all of those feelings and the hurt and the... the betrayal.”

Qing’er lowers her eyes, swallowing thickly. Deep breaths. The last thing she wants is to scare Fei Fei by melting down completely. Where was His Highness or that dummy Ol’ Pei to hold her hand when she needed it? “But all of that... all of my cautiousness... it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you. It just means... I’m afraid. Of being ripped apart again. I’m a coward. Not very brave at all anymore.”

#「ᴿ」— ♡ ❛ watch her silk dress dancing in the wind; makes me wanna try her on ❜ ( feifeng ) #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #oof it's That Talk #dreamsoffate

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@queensconquest​ asked:  ☠ for sqx & fx

“Ju Yang~” Shi Fei’s drunken, sing-song voice calls when she spots him in the crowd. Grinning, she bounces over to where he sits, laughing as she half falls onto the chaise next to him. Maybe she’s had a bit too much to drink, but it’s her birthday and she intends to get as drunk as she damn well pleases.

There’s no brother to tell her not to, no Ming Yi to carry her home once she’s either too tired or too drunk to function. She can go as wild as she pleases, she can forget that most of the people here at this ridiculous party left her to rot in the mortal realm during her time of need.

Giggling, she presses against Feng Xin, breasts one wrong move from slipping from her loosened top. “You’re so handsome, Ju Yang! It’s a shame you’re so afraid of girls! Even back then, I think I would’ve climbed you like a tree if I had the chance!”

It’s a shame that he wears his hair up— she can’t tease him by tugging on a lock or twirling her finger around one. She settles for playfully tugging at his collar. “Maybe I should’ve done it in male form, but this one’s my favorite. I’d do it for you, though. Would you like that, A-Yang?”

#put an f in the chat for fx #sfjkdslfjkdlsfjkdls #queensconquest #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white

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@queensconquest​ said,  ❝  i’m not gonna pretend anymore.  i’m still fucked up from it all and i don’t know when it gets better.  ❞ (also for sqx and fx! )

“I don’t either,” she replies softly, pressing a hand to his shoulder and squeezing gently. “Maybe it won’t ever get better. That’s... something I think a lot about. If it’ll always hurt. And it... it scares me.”

She’s never admitted this particular bit before, but she knows that Feng Xin knows her pain, knows her baggage, and now she knows more than ever that he understands it all, given his own experiences. This is safe to share with him, especially at the moment.

“But... even if it doesn’t, at least we have each other. And we both know how it feels, you know?” Her hand drops from his shoulder and she reaches for his hand instead, lacing their fingers together. “I think... we’ll be okay.”

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #queensconquest #🥺🥺🥺🥺

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@queensconquest​ said,  ❝ some people respond to kindness. others require a glimpse of steel. ❞ (hx & sqx)

For a long moment, her gaze flickers down to her hands in her lap. Qingxuan is still so full of questions for the ghost king. She isn’t quite sure why— there’s something other than the flame she holds for him that keeps pulling her back to his side, over and over, even though each time his coldness and cruelty seem to grow.

“Why do you only greet me with steel? Is that all you’re capable of now?”

#「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #queensconquest #lowkey calling him out....

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@dreams-of-fate​ asked:  ‘☠’ (lian song is ready to hear drunk mei)

Really, it’s a sad sight. 

A-Feng— no, Shi Fei sits in a smaller palace than she had when she first ascended, bottles scattered around her as she sits on the floor, knees to her chest. When was the last time she moved? She can’t quite remember. As soon as they brought her here, she’d started drinking every bit of alcohol she could find in this new palace. Surely it’s been at least a day and she still hadn’t changed out of her beggar’s clothes.

“Ah, Lian-gege! So you finally heard? I’m back! I mean, I don’t know how or why, I don’t really think I deserve it, but here I am!” Uncurling slightly, she shifts around, looking for a bottle that still has something in it, holding it up triumphantly when she finds it. “Here, come have a drink with me!”

Of course, she pours herself a cup first, hand shaky. “I’m glad you came to see me. There are lots of unfamiliar faces here. And ones I’d rather not see. Pei-gege is out in the mortal realm somewhere, so he probably doesn’t know unless that snake has told him. She probably has by now. I hate her. Funny how Pei-gege is the best out of the three of them and I never could stand him. He deserves better than Ge and her.”

Her head makes a loud thump against the wall as she leans back. Forgoing the cup, she takes a swig from the bottle now, forgetting that she’d only just offered some to Lian Song. “Do you ever wish that you could just... forget everything? I wish I could. I want to forget everyone but you and Pei-gege, and maybe Xie-gege and start over. I don’t want to think about Ge anymore, or the nightmares. Or think about... about the person who broke my heart, even though I’d taken him back in a heartbeat if he wanted me to.”

The tears start now and she laughs despite them. “I’m not very fun right now am I, Lian-gege?”

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #dreamsoffate #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #lian song being her first visitor and she's a Mess™ #at least he gets to tease her later bc she called pm 'gege' #and she WILL deny it #lmfao

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@queensconquest​ said,  ❛ i don’t really care what you think of me. ❜ ( lw & sqx 👀 if you want )

If looks could kill, the Civil God would be a pile of smoldering ashes a dozen times over by now. Shi Fei’s gaze is sharp, entirely unfriendly— it’s an odd look for her, one that doesn’t tend to pop up often. Even during the boughts of bickering between herself and Pei Ming she never looked so unkind.

“I suppose that’s a good thing then. Since you won’t care if I tell people I think you’re a corrupt criminal who doesn’t deserve to be here. A shame that the Heavens conveniently can’t function without you.” 

#soooOOOOoooOOoooOOOooo much resentment 😬 #sqx pls talk to someone sweetie #queensconquest #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan )

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@queensconquest​ said, ‘  i’m  here  to  stay  through  the  good  and  the  bad  times .  ’ ( also fx @ sqx ;-; )

Perhaps it’s because of pride or still attempting to hold onto the last shred of dignity she has left, but she never wished for anyone to see her like this— broken and raw, splitting apart at the seams. After her limbs were mangled, she carefully crafted a mask; happy go lucky, just as she used to be. It was easy to pretend that inside her was a chaotic swirl of emotions, of self-loathing, of despair, of pain and sorrow.

Today isn’t a good day. Qingxuan has long stopped counting the anniversary of his death, of when he tried to kill her. But there’s always the nagging feeling when that day likely comes around each year, where her unease is off the charts and all she wants to do is claw at her throat because there’s an unseen pressure there.

Feng Xin sees the bad side today— and she curls into him, face buried in his shoulder as if trying to hide of shame. Her shoulders still shake, tears still wet on her cheeks. But now at least she takes deep, even breaths as her fingers cling to the fabric of his robes.

“Promise?” her voice is small, hesitant, as if she’s waiting for everything to be crushed again. 

#queensconquest #this is fine everything is FINE #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white

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@queensconquest​ said,  ❛     won’t  let  you  go  ,  don’t  let  me  go.     ❜ ( fx & sqx ;-; )

Reckless. Shi Fei was far too reckless, throwing herself headlong into situations she shouldn’t. As it stands, she isn’t as powerful as she once was, and even if she were, her meridians are scarred, still healing from her fall. Sometimes they freeze up in the most inopportune moments. This time she was lucky that Feng Xin happened to be near by, happened to be able to swoop in and save her from being in over her head.

Her head lolls against his shoulder, arms slung loosely around his neck. At his instruction, she retightens her grip, trying to stay focused, trying to keep awake. “I know,” she replies hoarsely— Feng Xin would never drop her, no matter what. Given her current state, she wasn’t sure that she could hold on to him, though.  “I’m trying.”

#giving u a different sort of KNIFE today #queensconquest #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white

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@queensconquest​ said, “You didn’t see that coming?” lw & sqx

The last thing she wanted to do upon her re-ascension was to see the civil goddess. Unfortunately for Shi Fei, fate seemed to never be on her side. Not only does she see Ling Wen as the golden light fades, the goddess is now apparently the new welcoming party. Last time, if she recalled correctly, it was Pei Ming who’d been waiting for her, eager to catch a peek at Shi Wudu’s sibling.

Giving Ling Wen an unamused sideways glance, Shi Fei tries very hard not to scowl. She’d been in the Heavens for all of five, ten minutes and it’s already abundantly clear how corrupted it all still is. If Pei Xiu was punished for his crimes, why was *Ling Wen* not punished for hers.

Everyone was so quick to forgive— except when it came to a former windmaster caught in the crossfire between her brother and a calamity. Of course Ling Wen is there to greet her. Of. Course.

“I didn’t— I should’ve known better. Excuse me, I’m heading back down. I’ll find wherever my new palace is when I return.”

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #queensconquest #oooooh boy 😬😬

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@queensconquest​ said, ‘  only  getting  up  to  close  the  blinds .  ’ ( fx & sqx! he says too bright x.x )

Blinking away sleep, she tries valiantly to sit up and wait for him, though she fails miserably. It was far too early, and he was only going to be a minute or two anyway. 

Qingxun does at least manage to roll over and admire him as he pulls the drapes closed. There’s a small, smug smile on her lips when she sees the angry red lines on his exquisite back muscles. Maybe there’s a chance he’ll train shirtless before they fade and give the Heavens something to talk about.

“Ju Yang,” she whines, holding her arms out for him, “Hurry up. The bed’s cold without you.”

#「ᴿ」— ♡ ❛ When two broken hearts meet; they find their missing piece in each other ❜ ( fengfeng ) #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #queensconquest #GASP!!! a fengfeng tag drop!!!

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@safaerax​ said, ❛ please don’t ever become a stranger. ❜ // from xl to sqx ;=;

Taking his hands into her own, she squeezes them gently, hoping to reassure him. Qingxuan knows she should have never doubted him. Xie Lian radiated more goodness than any person she has ever met. Whatever he might have known about Blackwater and his plan doesn’t matter now. Xie Lian likely couldn’t have stopped the wheels from turning regardless.

Even when she grew distant and pulled away out of fear, out of paranoia and trauma, his feelings towards their friendship never changed. Words cannot describe how thankful she is that he’s so kind and patient, willing to wait until she was ready.

“I won’t. Never again, Xie-gege.”

#「ᵛ」— where the celestial breeze blows #「ᵀ」— o wind; where have you been that you blow so sweet? ( shi qingxuan ) #「ᵀᴸ」— arc i. black swan among a sea of white #safaerax #brb crying