#ANYWYAS just to say that ;;; emotional time for me just thinking of how long its been how far ive come since then etcetc

[abadbitvh]

Interesting....... More reasons to dislike Caitvi.

https://gojocaninfinitymyass.tumblr.com/post/669580071941619712/and-it-was-highly-uncomfortable-seeing-the-show

I don't know about you but I don't want that shitty ship to be canon. They are not only boring they don't have(romantic) chemistry.Their relationship has no buildup. It was all so rushed with unnecessary scenes such as the brothel scene(where caitlyn looks uncomfortable with vi acting like a fuckboy who doesn't respect personal boundaries) oil and water scene and the shower scene.They just meet and they already in love? wtf. I don’t buy it. We deserve better lgbt representation.(who disagree can suck my-)

I just typed a long ass reply AND IT GOT DELETED I HATE TUMBLR.

But anywyas, I don’t like CaitVi, I have said this multiple times LMDOA

The ship is forced, you can try to change my mind, but you can’t deny that it’s forced and if none of the fans asked for it, that wouldn’t be a thing. Riot didn’t even confirm their sexualities before this shit, but of course they had to make it a thing bc 💸money💸

Tell me why tf a bunch of straight men are all over this ship? In what world does that represent them? I have never seen people talk about Diana and Leona as much as they talk about Caitlyn and Vi, they barely even talk about other ships.

The goodbye scene was funny af tho LMFAO I know damn well I wouldn’t act like that with a girl I have only known for less than 3 days. I WOULDNT EVEN DO THAT IF IT WAS A WEEK WTF.

But the link tho, I feel like op is reaching in some points, Vi hallucinating about her sister is fine because cmon, she feels guilty for whatever happened to her after she punched and left her. Caitlyn was a bit egotistical for thinking she’s talking about her. Like some scenes were meant to be ‘emotional’ but im sorry they were funny af bc they wouldn’t make sense irl.

But I agree with exhibit B, Jinx lowkey has sister issues, but nothing sexual, it felt like op was trying to reference incest? Idk but I have seen someone else do that and they deleted the blog after i talked about it 💀 of course jinx would feel like she’s being replaced, it’s normal, she’s human and she thought her sister left her for good and now she’s back with a girl. Tell me you didn’t feel like you were being replaced when you were a child and your mom/dad was holding another child.

but yeah, the show was good, but it has flaws, starting with the ship.

Look, not to be one of those hoes who like to talk about men in a negative way all the time, but did you really think two men would give you the representation you want? TWO MEN GIVING YOU A LESBIAN REPRESENTATION???? I wonder if they’re gay, still that wouldn’t change a thing, but I still want to know whether they’re gay or straight or in between.

I’m in no way saying a woman would have made the ship any better, you can literally watch that American ‘anime’ (i forgot what it is called but its new and the main character has pink hair) the author is a woman, THE SHOW IS SHIT, THE REPRESENTATION IS SHIT, EVERYTHING IS SHIT. And let’s not start with her, she’s horse shit.

So yeah, I’m gonna end this with the fact that not a lot of people know how to write a good representation in shows, be that lgbt, race, religion or any other kind of representation. I can’t even think of one good show (maybe ‘One day at a time’? Idk). Show owners tend to take this as a fetish and a way to make money, it’s hard to find something good. They need to realize that an lgbt couple is just like any other couple, feelings take time develop or else it would be forced and bad. Asking for representation doesn’t mean you have to rush the fucking relationship.

#arcane #vi arcane #vi league of legends #league of legends #vi lol #arcane vi #lol vi #vi #lol caitlyn #caitlyn kiramman #caitlyn arcane #arcane caitlyn #caitlyn lol #arcane league of legends #caitlyn league of legends #—anons #—asks #🥀✨ #anti caitvi

[divinevomit]

im tired

sept. 26′21 : 8am

-

thought id try a diary of sorts. cant garrentee how consistant thisll be or how literate itll be either. i cant sleep anymore without some type of medication. with or witohut caffine. im aalways tired an d it shows. when i fo sleep it sall day. never at night. the portals are opening up. tis almost october and it shows. this buildign is full of lost ghosts. i feel for them, honestly. i cant imagine being stuck ina place liek this forever. i feel liek maybe i will, one day again. be stuck somewhere for wahat seems liek too many years, watching the days pass, not knowing when or were i am anymore. seeing the passin gpoeple go by. i was once, it wasnt fun. i dont really remember it, but i know i long forit back from time to time. 

i guess i should introduce myself properly, for futiure referencee or for anyone who happens to stumble on this blog. i dont rwally know how. i guess i m kinda liek a ghost. i dont get to leave my apartment often, eithr becuase i have a bad feeling, or because i have no reason or the funds to. i have insomnia, also borderline personality, and probably a good amount of other problems. ihave a good amount of friends i guess, i live with one, (who ill call vamp for future referece),i have two friend groups, both of thm are majority odler than me, but not in a weird way, more liek by chance. anywyas, i also have an online friend, and a long distance lover. i talk to my onlin efriend more than any. ive knownhim for almost twoyears,but i dont know much about ihim. i dont know his actual name, what he looks liek, so basically nothing besides his age, his voice, and his zodiac sighn. all my friends think hes secretly 40, but hes a year younger thanme and proved it. ill probably end up talking atb him mostl.y. i mtoo tired to thikn of a different name than what i already callhim, ill think of one later. my lovr lives in the same state as my onlien friend, and not too far. theyboth live in a different state thanme and vamp. weve beentogether for two years, about 8 months off and on long distance. this is the longest weve been away from ech other at 4 months. i dont get to talk to them too often. thy dont have wifi, and theyve never had a phone with data. their family is odd and doesnt liek me either. what els do i add? ill be a legaladult in 6 months, but me and vamp basically liv aloen. my mom pays for rent and utilties, but is never around and lives with her boyfriend 12/14 days. whenshe does come by, its not good. vamp and i both dont have jobs, vamps family is across the country, and most of mine is comepletely out of the pitcture. neither of us had good childhoods but they r pretty similar. vamps was a lot more extreme thanmin e, and mine was,, easier,, to say te least. i dont know what else i should add. im very pale due to lack of goingoutsid eduring daylight hours and probably lack of nutrients but naturallu im very tane. im reely clairvoyant, liek scary clairvoyant. ican read someones mind to a t with ease, can feel others physicalpain even when im inadifferent room, adn emotions clearly. especially when i know thm, dcently just by looking at them too long. its reallu exhausting. (beleive me or not idont care, its not liek anyone will see this anywyas.) my mom is pagan (for 22yrs), and my dad is a satanist (for 42 yrs) and i am second born to them. i turned out a pagan who lieks red magic and my deity is venus aphrodite. (did yu knoew aphrodite was nonbianary?)  i refuse to do black magic or anything to mess with anyons freewll. i refuse to end up liek muy dad. my favorite color is baby pink andblack. 

me and vamp share a room. im not allowed to be alnoen because everyone thinks ill spirsl. vamp has lived with me for 4 months and, dnt get me wrong, i lvoe having him here, hes liek my brother and i cherish him forever, but i missbeing alone. jes asleep right now so im downstairs typig this. 

i have a bad habit of rambling. i talk too much. i wont read this over becaause i know itll be all ovr the place and ill just delete it. i dont really know what to use this blog for, i never really have. i go backand forth on wat to do with it, first it was aesthetics, then a dream journal and now this, but im bad at keeping p with anything and loose motivation quickly.  i might try more for tihs. but i cant promise anything, i did this on a whim. 

#1 #divinevomit #divinejournal

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

[kim-drawings]

Morticia E-294

omg i made her head to big XD but it suits her weirdly enough XD. alot of people have been asking to make a sort of profile picture of my rick and morticia along with a description so they can understand it better and also for possible rp's? well thats what they said. so i decided to do her in a new style of mine that i created a bit. in issue two i'll use the new style cause the old one is bothering me alot XD. so here she is.

Morticia:

- she is 13 years old, so practicly a teenager.

- she likes jokes and puns. she smiles alot and just beeing happy most of the time.

- she hass never been romanticly treated before. a crush only once but it wasnt very majurly. 

- she knows a little bit how to fight and to defend herself. shse likes to use her enviroment or her wits to win a fight or to get out of sticky situations. 

- she likes to helpt those who ask for help (because she thinks its rude to just butt in)

- she coopes up alot of negative emotions and keeps it cooped up. she only talks about it to her rick doll and now with her new rick, he’ll force her to talk about it to releaf herself from some stress and burden. 

- she hass a custome made rick doll. every rick looks alike but she wanted the hair to be the same as her original rick. she keeps the doll mostly in her bedroom. she holds it during her sleep or whenever she feels negative emotions she just holds it in her arms.

- she’s a healing morticia or healing M for short references. basicly she is like a therapist for other Rick’s and mortys. she does it in her own way. she lets them talk and tell their stories, unless they get uncomfortable talking all the time then she asks questions. but after that she gives them a little advice and tells them that they can decide wether or not to follow her advice or not. she also comes to check up on guard Rick’s and Guard Mortys for their mental check ups. Somethimes she is called in to check other departments then the guards one. thats why she can easely communicate with other Rick’s and Mortys now. though new ones always seem to catch her offguard.

- she really hates check up. Doesent matter if Doctor Rick, surgeon Rick or even emergancy Rick does them. She just doesent like the check ups.

- she doesent like guns at all but she’ll use one if ever needed. 

- she hass never seen a Summer before and would be suprised if she saw one though. 

- she is afraid of Beth because she hass a drunk addiction, wich turns her into a voilent drunkard.

- she isnt afraid of Jerry though, because she knows he’s a scaredy cat.

- Jessica in her dimensions is a guy called Jesse and is the biggest bully in the school. he tries to act though and once made a huge mistake towards Morticia, to belong with the cool kids. but got beaten up by her and became the laughing stock for a short while. Morticia doesent like Jesse at all, no matter what he does. 

- her Rick (Rick E-294 who died) was a really kindhearted person. he stayed sober for many years until Beth visited him one day and he reverted back to beeing an alcoholist. 

Morticia’s past: 

- A long time ago before Morticia got born, there were 2 teenagers. the girl was called Beth and Jerry. They fell in love and Jerry got Beth pregnant. They both used to live in the old house were Rick E-294 lived in to. Jerry and Beth never got married even if Beth was pregnant. they left the house after they discovered that Beth had a misscariage. They pursued their dreams and eventually turned them in reality. But they left Rick all alone in the house, thinking they gave him freedome to do whatever the hell he wanted to do. anyways Beth became a succesfull heartsurgeon and Jerry became a succesfull movie maker. They never lived togheter though cause their relationship wasnt stable anyways. One day though, Jerry and Beth mett again at a reward ceremonie. Needlessly to say that they both got very drunk and one thing led to another. Jerry got Beth pregnant again, but Beth who blamed  Jerry, forced him to help her during the preganancy. after several months a baby girl was born. Beth and Jerry werent really happy with the baby, but still named her Morticia. They never filled in her last name for the sake of their careers. They kept the fact that Morticia was their child a secret from the press and other people. They raised her until she was 3 years old and then just left her on the doorstep of rick’s house. Rick who was suprised to see her, dint need that long to figure out who she was and were she came from. He took her in and loved her like a reall grandpa would love hiss grandchild. He thought her everything she needed to know and even had to bring her to school. He really dint want that, but he knew that she needed school to develope more social skills. One day when Morticia was 5 years old, she came home from a long day at school. She found her Rick passed out on the floor, from the alcohol. It was the first time ever she saw Rick in such a state so she panicked and tried to wake him up. What she dint know was that Beth was in the house to. Beth became violent towards Morticia and for some reason was very jealouse and angry at Morticia. Beth even tried to kill her by choking her, but Morticia struggled and got free from Beths grip. Morticia ran upstairs and ran into her bedroom. Once she was inside she locked the door and hidden under her bed, since she thought it was her safespot. Beth ran after her but got locked outside, in a fist of anger she started to bang onto the door and tried to barge in. Beth started yelling harmfull words and even demanded that Morticia came out of the room. Suddenly everything went quiet for a few minutes before Rick knocked 3 times on the door gently and said that it was safe to come out now. Morticia heard hiss voice and crawled out from underneath her bed, she ran towards the door and unlocked it. She opend the door and hugged her Rick who was crying and apologized towards her multiple times. He promised her that no one else would ever hurt her ever again. After that he and Beth argued over what she did and how wrong it was, eventually it ended in Rick sending Beth away and told her to never come back again. After that day Rick was never the same again. He gave into the lust for alcohol into hiss system and started drinking more and more. He eventually became her abuser, he hit her and somethimes it was so hard that something would snap inside her body. He would cut her arms for some unknown reason, he pulled her hair out so her hair would become shorter. No matter what he did to her, she still loved him as her grandpa. Because she knew her Rick was in there somewhere, he somethimes would surface from all the layers of alcohol and just be himself, even if it was for a short moment she still enyoied it. She would forgive him every time he did something bad to her, but she couldnt help but secretly cry in her bedroom. Morticia had to learn how to cook by herself so she would get something in her system since Rick stopped taking care of her all in one. One day when she was 7 years old, Rick was out of booze and took Morticia to a dimension filled with weird looking creatures. He took her to a bar wich was also filled with weird looking creatures. He was talking to a bartender called Bobligzafruck, but everyone had to call him Bob since hiss name was often misspronounced. Anyways, Rick ordered alot of booze but dint want to pay for it. So he shoved it all in a bag and threw Morticia into the crowd of aliens so he could escape. Lucky for her Bob caught her and even offered her a place to stay in hiss apartment. Bob gave her a necklace wich had a translator stone on it that literly translates everything even animal language. Morticia was so gratefull towards Bob that she started to work there and even earn a bit of money. After 2 years 2 guard rick’s and one guard morty came into the dimension to haul Morticia to the citadel of Rick’s. Bob dint like the idea ofcours since she considered him like a father, she reashured him everything would be fine. She was brought to dr.Rick for a full body check up, hiss Morty scanned her body and she dint know what was on that little screen but they had these worried look on their faces. Dr.Rick asked me if those aliens dealed some damage towards her. Since hiss scanner reveals past damages that are now either fully healed or still healing, they leave specific marks before they completely dissapear. Anywyas, she was to tired from work to even care so she just told him the truth that it was her own Rick that dealed the damages to her. After that they carried her to the council of Rick’s, were she saw her own Rick standing there. Her Rick was accussed of abussing other Mortys that belonged to other Rick’s. The council already received her file on their watches as they then declared that Rick was to be send to the machine of unspeakable doom, while Morticia was free to go home. Rick snapped and tried to attack her, but before she could comprehend the situation, a shot was released at her rick’s chest. He fell onto hiss knees and told her he was sorry for everything and that she had to be a good girl now. She forgave him and told him that she loved him. Rick slumped into a sort of hug and told her he loved her to, he passed hiss portal to morticia, before he died. Hiss body got dragged away from her while she was still watching. She cooped up all the sadness and frustration from the situation inside of her and had to move on if she wanted to survive. The one who shot him was guard Rick, now known as captain Rick. Guard Rick was the one to bring her home and even gave her the Rick entrance badge. He said that he was sorry for killing her Rick and that this was the only thing he could give her. She told him that she forgave him because he was only doing hiss job and asked him what the badge was for. He basicly told her that he knew she had the portal gun and whenever she needed to visit the citadel she just hass to carry the badge with her so she could come in and out without any problems from the system. It took her years to move on properly but she still is a little touchy on the subject of her own Rick. She hass been Rickless for a few years.

pocket mortys:

- She was there because Mysterious Rick made her leave her dimension, cause he wanted to catch her. But she defeated hiss cat Morty. After that Mysterious Rick wanted to catch her everythime he found her. But she used her enviroment, wits and feminine charms to avoid getting captured. Mysterious Rick eventually couldnt find her anymore so he spreaded a anonymouse rumour about an elussive Morticia. After that she just had to hide deeply into a forest so she could safe the batteries of her portal gun to go back home after the whole event was done. But no matter where she went into the forest, alot of diffrent Rick’s found her but there was something she observed when they found her and tried to capture her. They never look up into the tree’s because they asume that all Mortys and Morticia’s stay onto the ground. This was perfect for her. She climbed into the tree’s and even made a lasso from the vains so she could swing from tree to tree if ever needed. There was a time though were she was washing herself in the lake and a teenage Rick found her. Hiss face turned red and he was very startled by that. She took full advantage of that and made him turn around. she quickly got out and dressed. Before leaving she gave him a kiss on the cheek to confusse him and told him he was a sweetheart for letting her escape. She ran and climbed up her lasso and hauled the lasso in. She then blushed herself, super hard cause she dint believe what just happend and why did she do that kiss thing. Needless to say that during the pocket Morty event she had to see if she was alone of not. She also dissarmed traps to get to free food and left a thank you leaf on them. She frustrated alot of Rick’s. She also helped other Mortys to escape and be safe. She never got caught, never got chipped and learned alot during that event. After that it was announced that Pocket Mortys hass ended and that every Morty should report to Surgeon Rick. But as stubborn she was, she went to the portal where all the other Mortys were gathered. She really dint like check ups but she allowed surgeon Rick to do one either way. After that she went home and charged up her portal gun. 

fall of the citadel of Rick’s

- It was a pretty normal day, if u dint count the monthly check up by dr.Rick. She just left hiss office and was on her way to the Morty bar to get something to drink. All of a sudden the citadel got teleported into the galactic federal prison. It dint take long for the citadel to be overrun by criminals. She stumbled onto a bleeding guard Rick, she had to take a deep breath to keep calm and help this Rick out. This Guard Rick was groaning from the pain, she did the best she could and looked at hiss portal gun. She took it and send him to her dimension in her house and threw the portal gun after him. She found a laser gun and picked it up. She doesent like guns but she had to use it for this situation. She ran around with it and had to kill some criminals, she never killed before and this was her first time that she did. But she kept herself calm because she was gathering Ricks and Mortys togheter so they could escape with her. Eventually they ran into a dead end, it was blocked of because of the rubble. She opend up a portal and send every Rick and Morty she gathered into the portal wich led to her house. Before she left she saw one more Rick who was shooting furiously at all the criminals. This was bad, she dint want to leave this Rick behind but he was so consumed by anger that she wondered if she could bring him back or not. She dint have much time as the criminals were aproaching. She ran over to that Rick and tugged hiss coat. That Rick looked at her as she had this worried look on her face. Morticia basicly told him that he needed to calm down and come with her through the portal unless he wanted to die or something. This Rick just calmed down and staired at her. She just took hiss free hand and pulled him along. They both ran through the portal and it closed right behind them. Everyone in her house was beeing chaotic and she really dint like that. She stood on a table and told everyone to calm the fuck down. She told them that yess the citadel is destroyed and they might lost their Mortyc or Rick’s but right now everyone should help eichother. She knew she dint had much to offer but she told them to stay in her house untileverything was over. They caved in and helped eichother out by taking care of the wounded first and then some food. Yeah she dint have much food so she had to order in a bunch of it. This went on for several months, but atleest everyone started to cooperate togheter instead of fighting of everything. She also made shure everyone had somewhere to sleep, even if she had to give up her own room for it. She mostly slept on the ground with a pillow and a small blanket since she gave the big ones to her geusts. Some of the Rick’s had to help her because somethimes she was to tired to even order out some food. Basicly her healing Morticia kinda kicked of from there, not officcially though but alot of Rick’s and Mortys inside her house started talking to her seperatly from the rest and she just listend and gave them advice whenever needed. After those months passed, some guard Rick’s and mortys came to her house to teleport everyone inside it to the Dome of Rick’s. The dome is suppossed to be a temporary place for all Rick’s and Mortys to go to until they rebuild a better Citadel of Rick’s. That guard Rick who thought of this plan to build a dome on an empty planet filled with all sorts of plants and animals, but no citizens + it was outside federal juristiction. This guard Rick became Captain Rick and was also the one who gave her a healing M badge. Morticia isnt the only one though, there are several more out there who received this badge. Since that day she hass been working as a healing Morticia and is always ready for new appointments. 

#r and m info

[entryisentree-blog]

July 27, 2019

ok so, after receiving a costar notification today that read, “how do you really feel?” i took a moment to take a step back and really reflect on my life in order to determine (1) how i feel, and (2) why i feel that way. so, upon reflection i came to the realization that i feel expired. lmao, like i literally feel like i am just living in the motions, and i dont feel like im serving any real purpose right now. maybe thats just because all im doing right now is working, and i dont necessarily feel like i am working towards doing anything to better my life but i dont fucking know its just exhausting honestly. maybe im being dramatic, (which may definitely be the case), but i just want to go back to feeling the way i felt when i was like 18 lmao. hopefully when i start my classes ill feel like i have SOME purpose considering ill be working towards something that SHOULD help me in the future but as of right now, i feel basically worthless haha. not in like a sad depressed way, but more in just like a FUCK i need to wake the fuck up and do something kind of way. that probably doesnt make any type of sense but it sounded a whole lot better in my head. anyway, that is the answer to the question of “how do you feel?” as far as my professional life is concerned... lets move on tho. 

as far as my social/love life is concerned im starting to feel like i am isolating myself. i dont know if its good or bad, but i just have always had this perspective on friendships and relationships: if you cant commit to being 100% involved, present, and in the moment in each relationship, why bother? i mean right? does that not make sense? idk, i personally have always felt like id rather disappoint a friend or partner by saying you know what, hey im just not 100% committed to giving the undivided attention that this relationship requires, so instead of leaving things so one-sided, id rather just cut it off now. while i know that sounds very selfish of me, i feel like its better for the other person in the long run, because then they dont get led on and wind up having their feelings hurt down the road when i have to break it to them that i just am not the committed person they think i am. which brings me to the point that i dont exactly know where to take things with my current “relationship” if thats what youd like to call it. BUT that is a whole other story so ill just start another paragraph to explain that one

so for the purpose of attempting to remain anonymous, i am going to call my partner “Dan.” not for any specific reason, but just because its easy to type (look at me being selfish again and doing things to make my life easier lmao). so anyways, dan and i have been “talking” for some time now, and things are definitely past the point of being “intimate.” i mean, i havent had sex with dan yet, but it has absolutely gotten pretttty close. now, in the past i have been able to have “one night stands” and think absolutely nothing of it. they are just meaningless hook ups and i have never experienced any emotional trauma from that. however, this relationship initially scared me a bit because i wasnt attracted to dan so much in regard to his physical looks, but more because of the vibe that he gave off. NOW, after having spent a lot of time with dan i have come to two realizations. first of all, dan is not my typical “type” and secondly, i think i am too invested (as far as literal time is concerned, considering its been months) to feel like i can just end things with no explanation. i think i have personally let things go to far, and now i am going to have to clean up my mess. which really fucking sucks because id really like for dan to remain in my life, but i just don’t personally think hed be interested in maintaining any type of acquaintanceship after having gone through everything we have gone through. 

im also not even 100% sure of how id approach the conversation of like how i feel. maybe thats what my costar was suggesting... that i figure out how i feel so that i can verbalize it and explain it to dan. i guess if i had to put it into words it would just literally be that i fell into the trap of being so quickly attracted to dans charisma, that i failed to realize that i was getting involved with someone who i may not be compatible with. i dont think dan would particularly believe that though because i am a literal con artist and have forced myself to be the type of person that I THINK dan would want me to be. but if dan really was thinking consciously about this situation, don’t you think hed appreciate me telling him the truth? that im not the person that he thinks i am? that i forced myself into behaving the way that i thought would make me a more socially tolerable person? fuck, that is exactly it. thats exactly how i feel and i don’t think i can even say that to him. anywya, we have plans to hang out this monday and i feel like after typing out these feelings, i wont be able to mask them because these thoughts will be in the back of my mind the entire time. whatever though, maybe thats what needs to happen in order for me to just come out and say it. ugh, i hate having to face this type of reality. 

anyway, thats basically it for today i guess. it does feel very therapeutic to type these things out, and make sense of all of the things that are going through my head when i dont feel like being vulnerable to anyone face to face. hopefully this actually helps. thanks for existing tumblr. i appreciate it. 

[imtiredofthis1-blog]

it’s 4:32

i wake up every morning around weird times is there a reason a reason why i do this.. when i think about random days i would wake up .. i remember the night we use to wake up in sweat.. that was from radiance we had the amount of warmth our bodies gave every morning you were like an oven.. with me.. anyways that was a reason we’d wake up but on these days when i’m by myself is it the same or am i just waking up for a superstition reason .. or like a weir ftelepahtic reason idk it’s just constant every morning i wake up.. at 2-6 am .. are you up? or is it just me waking up... anyways i’m gonna dice in again and give out to live out..

i tend to filter through your twitter and every time i find a relevant like to our condition it makes me feel open.. like this one i found talks about the fact that someone broke up with someone cause they weren’t happy but still in love with them.. and love isn’t happiness and you have to take that in but it not going in depth with it cause it’s late and i just do these quick late blogs so i can go back to dream world.. but anyways i look at this and just take it in and think well you do still love me.. it’s just that we weren’t happy.. but i hold my deciphering and just try to take in this pov or i should say this open wisdom from relevant people situations.. everything’s weird

i only check on you cause i wanna see that you’re alive.. i wanna see that you’re thriving with life .. i don’t know i care for you.. i maintain distance and ive broken a bit communication with you before and acted impulsively or rather hectic and i’m just trying to maintain and work on it so i just visually pass through to you and come here sometimes i wish you read those sometimes i wish we could talk sometimes i wish i had someone to get this out too and really just stop you’re a never metronome inside me and you are my drive to work better to be better to develop and maintain.. i thank you for this i thank you for protecting me and being human with care and love.. and at times i wish to give back to you the little that i can scrounge for you from left over wealth or my interior but as i think i just rather leave you alone.. i mean think about it i send you a birthday card with a framed picture from sakuracon and several other developed photos about say 8x10 size pieces.. how would it make you feel will i be invasive.. will it be creepy.. will i be crossing lines,.. the more i think about the bad the more i just believe it is bD.. so i distance my self anymore.. and more and more..

mis this really am end to how i feel will i really replace you futuristically will i lay with her and think back to you.. and not lay in a sexual form but in a sleeping time.. it hurts hurts to be like this and i can’t seem to neglect or dismiss because i really do ponder you and think about your end.. but i just think well she’s gotta be better she’s holding up she’s in a better place she must not think about it and these thoughts are assumptions but i just don’t know anymore.. i miss time i miss emotions i miss friendship amd most of all i miss you.. which is all these misses as a whole ..

ots late im late and the more i ponder you and write it on here i just channel and forget forgive and move

and if i were to tell you the truth i don’t want to do all these things said.. i judy wanna come home.. but it’s for the best or so i believe it is.. i acted out i acknowledge this i also develop this.. but our time is up.. i placed my mark on you.. and i hope you don’t see me as someone who’s at that peak forever and can’t develop because i do and sometimes i also do sit here and think do you not believe i can change..?

and it drives me more to change to alter to fix and prodeuce a better me.. from in to out.. this mark we had this really scarred me and is going to make me take it in and out bring development,.. but i can’t type it i must act and show it.. and i won’t lie there might be days i break and produce the repetitive behavior both willingly or unwillingly.. but again i will try to withold and build..

whst else can i let go.. my energy is being aligned.. yeah i think this is it.. oh umm i do rather contemplate this a lot do you come here ever do you ever NLyze me do you ever sit in whatever place you rest or reside and think did he post again or i wonder about him.. it’s okay if you do or don’t.. i don’t really long for attention but i do long for your attention your specifically.. i should stop.. but it’s like i don’t do this for you i do it for me to relax and i can’t lie though i do try to talk to you on here through a threAd of web to get you to either think or feels good about me still caring about you and when i say think i mean about changing your perception on xan how change and will he..

a while ago now that i think of it i posted something about birth control.. and yeah i did assume.. but what really got me because i tend to get into your health and wrapped my care into your health was because around january you were suppose to get a switch.. arm bar and i was like whoa... because some days you said it be possible for you to get pregnant even when you had it and the minute i saw it the control i was like whoaaaaaa no way are you???? but i don’t know much about drugs and if plan b is suppose to be within a day or two or it can be taken whenever.. so in reality i was like did we almost have a kid.. then i did also jump to other things and that made me gloomy and stupid to think about it..

but the thing i mostly wrapped around was were you almost pregnant with a kid from us.. and yeah i did think about other things too but i’m only human to think..

anyways whatever type of apology or conclusion i was trying to draw to you so be it whatever you wish to NLyze from it ..

i hope you had a good day and hope you have one from these days on.. i wish i heard you say congrats on the second job cause no one over here did lol 😨😅 ://// except for my younger sister.. lol :////

anywyas its

xo 1/30 5:03

i love you valerie and i hope we can blossom within and without eachother

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

Free Writing

I feel sick. On friday i came home dizzy feeling like I was dead walking and passed out sleeping for most of the night into the day. I woke up sunday feeling a lot better but as i tried to eat my body was not having it. Even now I can’t stomach too much but apples and even then that is pushing it. i feel like at any second i will puke but It’s a faint sensation. I had two dreams that had me startled and put a slight cloud on my day until i forced the thoughts away. The first was strange and happened about 2 days ago. i was in an apartment listening to a friend of mine talk about his life. I was trying my best to fight trying to have sex with him and failing. even going so far as to entering the bathroom with him. ugh. i was pretty upset at myself in my dream cause I watched myself do it but in my head I was like ‘why are you doing this. don’t do it’. so anyway I have a pair of headphones on connected to like a walkkie talkie and I hear my ex’s voice on the other end. he’s talking about old money business and i click the talk end and ask him to repeat it. He is shocked and he says ‘your voice is too much right now’ and I apologize and ask him to repeat it. he starts to cry and i can hear the emotion and I look up feeling his pain. It was strange because I didn’t really care too much about the situation. I feel like I already moved on from him a long time ago and I didn’t regret my decision at all but haring the pain and emotion in his voice was too much. the dream ends and its a shallow dream so i know im near to akinng up. I carried that with me for the majority of the morning and it bothered me because i feel like i am being punnihsed for how the relationship went. I dragged it on for longer then it needed to be. wayyy longer and I still look back now and regret it but I’m learning to move past it and not dwell too much on it. I eventually was brave enough to face being alone and potentially being unloved so there is that. The other dream happened today. jesus had a weir dtanget and left a silly conversation we were having. i think he really just wanted to step away from me and i was actually pretty okay with it. I feel when we talk too much it puts a strain on our friendship. i wanna-say relationship but...I don’t like that. Inn my head im much more happy seeing it as a friendship because that means its safe. i almost don’t give myself any reason to be jealous  about others and i can give him my love in friendship and that is much more better for me. but some things he said got to me. He was talking about how dull and boring my life would be without him and at first i just joked about it but now I’m startting to see his point. Would i have been exposed to music without him? not as intense bth.My obsession with music and desire to persue it in some shape or form was inspiredby him and who he pointed out to me. I covet his songs so much. They are like staples for me and i dunno im actually listening to one of his songs now (let ‘em know by bryson tiller). So now that he has done his typical thing pretending to be upset and leaving “for couple of days” I have time to think. Its also venus retrograde whihc is like time to revisit and reassess how I see love, how i want to be loved and how I love others. also how my relationships look like and if there is a need for change. This is a simplistic view but its my understanding of it. So I know his venus is in Leo. which lmao is very fitting. hmm sometimes i wonder if I need to slow down with my thoughts of him. I am fascinated by him, pused by him, fired up by him, irritated, annoyed, and some feelings that i cant or wont name. So where does that leave me? Sometimes in my head i’ll call him allan and that makes me pause. Am i waiting for a saviour again? if i am i need to step back and realize that that only ends in pain and dissapointed hope. My last relationship i leanre da lot but it was under duress. it was painful and like forced me out of my caccoon under his hand and i felt so constrained as i tried to heal. it was too much for me and he never did understand me. Now that i’m just feeling jesus out I now see i see him as a saviour and i’m torn bewteen seeing him as one and being okay with it. is it so bad to have friends as liferafts? but at the smame time i dont think he should be treated like one :/ idk its weird though things have been feeling so surreal to me. watching my hands type and literally giving form to my words is unsettling to me. I feel like something is happening to me and i’m scared that its something bad. i don’t rmember being so sick before. in 3 years i only ever experieneced slight sniffles and here i am full blown sick and shit. i’m worried for myself and my body.I ask for michael’s healing and proetction. I am in a strange place and I wonder what will become of all of this. I feel so out of place. maybe its the books i have been reading too. When i read i somtimes carry bits of it into my life. i wake up in this world slightly disjointed and off. I finished reading parable of the talents and that left me shook. i have oto write a book review for that but ive been avoiding it for some reason? anyway I’m a lil way halfway trough lilith’s brood and I find the book fascinating and also scary in a way. i’m not scraed perse about the alients. or maybe i am idk. I’m more scared of the future where women and children will be vulnerable. why is it that males resourt to being bullies again once oscieties are gone? why sare they the most dnagerous? i mean even now they still are and its wrapped up in laws, decorms etc but in a dystopian futuere? terrifying. I couldnt be like Olomina and dress like a man because I am too fullfigured and womenly to pass. i am worried for myself. I just want to be free....i dunno what is going on with me? I ffeel like im drifting in and out of reality and things feel dreamy. I had a thought about my empathy and pisces power and like...maybe all my empathy is for books? thats when i feel so misty and out of it after reading ike my mind really led me away. im happy im reading again at least. it unsettles me that i am becoming  a women. I am entranced with myself seeing the curves, my skin and body seeing how beautiful it is but also seeing how dangerous it is to me and my life. How many times will people punish me for how i look? men mostly. and i dont mind suing what power i apparently have over them but its like i know it will be used aaginst me soon. i never feel wrong for knowing that my body is beautiful. I know it is and i know i am beautiful and a creature many may want to touch and have. I am growing into it and i feel like a flower that is maturing before peoples eyes and im afraid. i know fear is bad so let me say mor elike it unsetles me. but with chnage comes growth and i feel like because of my freeizing myself as i unthaw and turn into who i was supposed to be i am going to blossom very quick. its also weird too because as I say i want this this and this in my body over time i gain that. i was so e skinny and i wished to be thicker and now here i am getting thicker and i know if i atemore id be even thikcer and yet my stomach has not changedd and actually has remained smaller then it as before? i am also finally looking pretty. i felt like such an ugly child and now i wonder if its not that im being graced with it now but that i am seeing it in myself. i know i have eyes that can trap people. I actually look away to make them feel comfortable because if i stare too long at eople they either get caught up in my face (men especially) or they paue for a second.. idk. i feel like im changing t into something that ahs power that i am not comfortble handling;. or am i just being dramatic? the voice in my head is soft and quiet and that is the true me. I have to protect her because thhis world wants to hurt her and she is too good for it. that sounds weird.. But i know i have to keep this shell around me because peope see weakness and want to go for it/. when i gaine dback my sag and leo self i have used it like a shield against people and emotions. only a few know about my soter side/. jesus nampende and allan do. allan has used it and used it agains me to quiet myself, jesus looks down on it and i think nampende is the only one who sees it and sympathzes with it. alone i am soft and always ondering. when im with peoplei am dynamic lughing being wild and having fun. i know that that needs to be my face to protect me. these days i feel like i need to make a descion.  I dont know when and what i need to decide on but i know something will happen soon in my life. something big. idk.maybe its the new moon in virgo? or maybe its just me. im usually okay with momnets of confusion but coupled with this sickness and weird feeling im worried. i had my period so im worired im pregnant but....idk.anywasy on a more shallower side im getting my hair done and im trying to get a new phone. i know its mostyly because i wanna just fuck show people i actually am cute asf? for some reason i cna never capture how beauiful i am in pictures. maybe its the dymanicness of my face. idk i mosty want jesus to se it i think he thinks im ugy af and im like not??? if he saw me in person i dont think he would be saying and talking to me the ay he does. but i cant help things and tb its better that way. if i eve rsee him it will be a good suprise for me when i smirk at him like boyyyy you don fucked up;. anywyas im being etty and yes my exercises ha and will be fueled with this drema in mind veen tho i know it may not actually happen nor go the way i want ti to go. ughh sometimes i forget that im 23 and dont need to have it ll figured out. like thast not un expuse but i always be putting so much pressure on myself to know so much and catch up because i froze so much of myself. i know my body ma=eant well with how it chose to protect me but sis, i suffer lol.I am trying my best to just do my best. I feel tested and tested constantly but i guess with trying to be a better person and working on yourself. oh wait. PLUTO. i remmeber asking pluto a month ago to reveal all my bad shit a lotttt over the course of a month and sicne its a slow moving planet its prob now just hitting me. yikes. well if i cna make it through this then i really will be rdy for anything. so much pressure and stimulation i know i can survive but damn i need a break and shit.well i have tomorrow off so im probgonna chill and dhit. i have a meeting with some witches and other femmes in about an hour so lmao idk man im just trying my best. I hoope the universe sees that im trying because awd jesus i am. I love myself through this no matter what. the feeling that im gonna die is creeping up again its so strange i hvent felt this oh...its probably just anxiety over this sickess. ugdwheteriutuieyte45465hthrethuwt im gonna stop lol this has been too long already (peep the change in tone thast my sag self shining through)