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#And it's been like two decades almost so the hate has faded but i viscerally remember
ivycrowned · 5 months
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just wanna say that. most of the times when i hate a character, I don't thing they're a bad character, as in, poorly developed or anything. What I am saying is that I, Gabriel, would hunt them for sport if they existed
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a-world-in-grey · 4 years
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Take My Breath au - The Accursed v the Ardent
@secret-engima Ardyn really is a piece of work, isn’t he. But I found a spot for that verbal throw down in the throne room we talked about way back.
.
“Tell me High Chancellor, is this the regard we can expect from Niflheim?”
The demand rings out through the throne room. Sharp and angry and how-dare-you bearing down upon the room like a physical weight. Interrupting his speech and stealing all attention to the woman seated at King Regis’s right.
Halfway up the first set of stairs, Ardyn pauses as he loses his carefully crafted momentum. Not to one of the King’s Council. No, they are too cowed, too mired in protocol and tradition and politics.
This unexepected opposition is a guest. A Royal guest - the woman is dressed in finely tailored royal sable, that particular shade of black exclusive to the royal family and distinct to the discerning eye.
“My daughter,” Regis says in the abrupt silence, confirming Ardyn’s suspicions. “Princess Sola Lucis Caelum.”
The King’s magic, rusted-steel-fading-light-diminished-will, curls with apprehension. Not of him. Of his daughter.
Ardyn grins. Interesting. “The Ardent, and Sword to Crown Prince Noctis.” A flourished bow, to hide his widening smile at Regis’s twitch. Did he think Niflheim unaware of the Princess’ position in her brother’s Retinue? “A pleasure to be so introduced, my dear.”
His opponent has far better emotional control than her father. Not a hint of her disdain touches her expression. It is only through her magic - magic those without cannot sense - that Ardyn can feel how the Princess seethes under her calm facade.
Fire and Fury indeed.
Princess Sola rises, all sinuous grace and lethal intent. Ardyn’s heartbeat quickens in anticiption. Oh, here is a proper warrior. Not an old man chained by propriety and teeth dulled through disuse. The Princess is a killer, an unashamed one at that.
How novel, to stare another predator in the face.
Sola saunters down the stairs. Both she and Ardyn ignore the way Regis watches with mounting alarm. “You speak of peace,” she purrs, “yet all you offer is insult.”
Power play. A blatant but beautifully shameless counter to his own, asserting her dominance over Ardyn’s by calling out his insult of climbing the stairs without the King’s permission. Placing herself prevent him from advancing further. Forcing him to stay on the stairs and limit his movement or concede and retreat back to the floor.
At the edge of the dias, a mere half flight of stairs above him, Sola stares him down with lidded gaze. “Is that malice or ignorance?”
And Ardyn can’t breathe.
How long has it been since he’s had such a skilled partner? Someone not only capable of matching step with him but challenging him? Someone who dares to take control and lead him in this deadly dance of words?
Ardyn hasn’t been this delighted in decades!
“I assure you, Your Highness, that my presence here is only with the sincerest of intentions.” A deflection, avoiding entirely the Princess’ lovely verbal trap. “After all, Niflheim wishes to end this senseless war as much as you do.”
A challenge of his own. Acknowledge his intentions as peaceful, or deny it and subsequently imply that Lucis has no such desire for peace and lose face.
If the Princess wishes to lead, Ardyn will graciously cede control to her. His mother raised him to be a gentleman.
(Its certainly not his curiosity of his unexpected partner’s skill. He is not easily led, and he would hate to find his newest dance partner so disappointing.)
“So you say,” Sola says. Not ceding the point to Aryn but not challenging it either. And not a fool to believe him. Good. “But for Emperor Iedolas to send a diplomat so ignorant of our ways calls to question his sincerety. And if he intends for your visit to succeed at all.”
Silence falls, horror emnating from King Regis and his Council. Sola keeps her eyes on Ardyn, magic coiled in vicious satisfaction and calculated anticipation, waiting to see how Ardyn will react to this grievous insult, waiting to see if he’ll take the all but gift-wrapped excuse to end negotiations and leave-
Adryn laughs.
He laughs loud and free and utterly amazed at the Princess’ daring. To test their sincerity in such a manner, calling the Emperor a liar and his offer of peace false. Testing Ardyn himself by accusing him of incompetence and insinuating that if his intentions are peaceful that the Emperor no longer favors him.
Such a clever dragon! Such sharp claws!
“I must say how refreshing it is to meet someone with your audacity, Princess.” Ardyn chuckles, because it is. He hasn’t met someone so bold in years and it makes this visit all the more entertaining. “Truly, your presence would be a delight in the Imperial Court. A crowning jewel of the Empire.”
The thought of watching the Princess tear apart the Imperial nobility - perhaps even literally - is almost tempting enough to make Ardyn consider making a genuine offer of peace.
Almost. But not quite. Pity. He will simply have to imagine the fallout and content himself with that.
“But fear not, Your Highness. His Imperial Majesty’s sincerety is as true as my own.” Not at all, and Ardyn lets his smile sharpen. “He too has lost loved ones to this deplorable conflict between our peoples.”
Princess Sola stiffens at the reminder of Prince Icarus’ death - at the insinuation that Niflheim knows of his blood on her hands - and the implication that the annual assassination attempts since are the Emperor’s revenge for losing his only heir.
Ardyn continues as though he hasn’t noticed. “His Imperial Majesty wishes to leave a legacy of peace for both Niflheim and Lucis.”
Only now does Princess Sola’s facade break, lip curling as she bristles for a scathing retort-
King Regis speaks before the Princess can do more than open her mouth. “And what peace does Emperor Iedolas offer?”
Ardyn tamps down on the sudden surge of anger. He is speaking with the Princess. The King isn’t half as interesting and Ardyn doesn’t appreciate him cutting in on their dance when it is going so well.
He lets his gaze rise to meet the King’s, “Niflheim has but one compliance.” He says, and perhaps he’s being a bit too impudent, but he’s annoyed and stoking the King’s temper is his petty revenge for the interruption. “With the exception of Insomnia, all Lucian territory will be ceded to the Empire.”
An outrageous demand. But Niflheim has Lucis backed into a corner and King Regis knows this. Princess Sola crushed the Diamond Weapon they fielded the other day. At the cost of her life and a Phoenix Down miracle.
How many miracles is the King willing to bet on?
“And once surrounded, Niflheim will graciously allow us our continued sovereignty.” Sola scoffs.
Ardyn hides a smirk at the biting sarcasm, turning back to his preferred opponent. “Of course, Princess,” He pauses, raising a finger as if struck by a sudden thought, “Ah, how silly of me to forget. There is one more condition.”
He should meet the King’s gaze as he lets his voice rise to address him. But Ardyn is already certain how the King will react. He crafted his whole presentation with the King in mind. And well, compared to the Princess, King Regis is so terribly boring. “It concerns His Majesty’s children.”
The King’s magic flares, white-hot and utterly furious. But Ardyn is watching the Princess, and so he sees the moment her own temper blazes so like her father’s, the moment blue eyes spark with more than just her fury before she seizes her temper and smothers the fire threatening to slip from her control and burn.
Pain-fear-you-DARE-
And oh, he isn’t even done yet! “One of the Royal House of Lucis and one of the Royal House of Tenebrae will wed.” He smiles, sharp and sly as he retakes the lead in their dance. “Your Highness is right of course. Peace will necessitate certain assurances. But fortune smiles upon us! Both Lucis and Tenebrae have two unwed heirs!”
Sola stares, still as a statue and eyes wide, having put the pieces together before Ardyn finished speaking.
The Oracle does not marry out of her House. Ever. Not even to take a husband from another royal line. As it has been since the first Oracle, and why no Lucis Caelum has ever before married an Oracle.
Princess Sola or Crown Prince Noctis. One of them will be surrendered to Niflheim.
What is the phrase? Hook, line, and sinker.
Grief and rage sit heavy on the air. Ardyn breathes them in as those they are the most delectable of perfumes.
Denial-rage-pleading-sorrow-resolve.
Sola steps forward, shoulders squared and chin high. “You offer Prince Ravus?” Her voice does not betray how her soul wails in sorrow-forgive-me-I’m-so-sorry-
Oh, trying to take back control? Admirable, especially when the King sits so resigned, but Ardyn has already let her lead. Now it’s his turn. “He is an honorable man, more than willing to fulfill this duty if it brings peace.” A deliberate pause. “Though should he be unsuitable, we offer the Princess Lunafreya as bride to Crown Prince Noctis.”
The visceral reaction in Sola’s magic makes it clear that no, Princess Lunafreya will not be accepted as a bride. Ardyn didn’t expect Lucis to give up their Crown Prince, but Noctis is fortunate to have a sister so protective.
“Lucis will require reassurances of our own.” Sola says, rallying with a poison-sweet smile. “We have a duty to the well-being of our people. I’m sure you understand.”
Castigation directed at King Regis and hidden under her words to Ardyn. It seems King Regis’s resignation has offended Sola’s sensibilities.
How glorious.
“Of course, my dear.” Ardyn says, just to feel Sola’s irritation. He readies himself for another dance, this one unlikely to be cut short. “What do you have in mind?”
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jdiep95 · 4 years
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Mariah Carey: Top 10 Most Iconic Songs
To celebrate the holiday season, which has really become the season of Mariah Carey this year, and “#All I Want For Christmas Is You” finally becoming a #1 single, I am sharing with you my “Top” lists of MC songs every Monday and Tuesday up until the 25th. For example, we’re going to start things off with the Top 10 Most Iconic Mariah Carey songs; on Tuesday, we’ll look at remixes. All songs mentioned these lists can be found on streaming services (e.g. Spotify and Apple Music). That means deep, deep cuts like “Slipping Away” off the B-side of the “Always Be My Baby” single, and “Help Me Make It (Through the Night)”, Mariah’s cover of a country song, which aren’t available, aren’t included. Unfortunately, that also means the entire Glitter soundtrack will not be mentioned as it is not yet available for streaming. #JusticeForGlitter #Loverboy2020 Let's make Loverboy MC's 20th #1 in 2020!!
To explore the most iconic MC songs, we have to look at streaming numbers (based on Spotify data, accurate as of Dec. 2019), MV views (based on YouTube data, accurate as of Dec. 2019), appearances on concert set lists, but also it’s prevalence outside of the Mariah fan base. “Butterfly” is an iconic ballad within the fan base, but pales compared to another empowering song like “Hero”, which non-MC fans most likely know even if they hate Mariah.
Is the list TL;DR? No worries. I compiled each list into a respective playlist, starting from No. 10 and ending at No. 1, so you get to listen to the Most Iconic MC songs while on the go.
https://open.spotify.com/user/jdiep95/playlist/1T0OU0p1cjR82LV1XX7f7j?si=AT9_aL0kSgmxySvIasZjsw
10. “My All” Butterfly
No. of streams: 37 182 150
MV views: 142M
“My All” makes its way into almost all of MC’s concert set lists since its release in 1997, appearing most recently in Mariah’s Caution World Tour. In this way, it gathers a lot more exposure than some of her other #1’s, such as “Dreamlover” or “Honey”. Despite its relatively low number of streams compared to other songs on this list, the number of views for the main music video is actually placed sixth on this list, and for good reason. The MV for “My All” is arguably the most artistic of MC’s catalogue, if not at least the steamiest. The video is in black-and-white, and features Mariah Carey floating on water with cutscenes of some hot model. The song appeals to a more specific audience, mainly adults, but the incorporation of Latin guitars will evoke a certain headiness seen only in a handful of Mariah songs.
9. “Vision of Love” Mariah Carey
No. of streams: 25 938 743
MV views: 25M + 2.6M*
*Includes a live version from the Daydream World Tour released on Mariah Carey’s official Vevo channel
This may be confusing; overall, “Vision of Love” received the least views and least streams of any of the songs listed here. Why is it not last on the list? Unlike “My All”, this song is one for the entire family. Don’t believe me? Many popular artists of the 2000s cited this song as their inspiration, including the great Beyoncé. Besides the complex runs, which becomes more complex in the live version, “Vision of Love” is a peer into Mariah’s vocal range, from her lows (E♭3) to a signature whistle note (C7), and a blend of genres, including pop, R&B and gospel. Even if it spawned a generation of over-singing vocalists, this was MC’s debut, a tour de force that inspired a new generation of singers. And thanks to its prevalence in Mariah’s concert set lists, it could very well even be inspiring this new generation.
8. “Fantasy” Daydream
No. of streams: 85 048 626 + 24 904 151*
MV views: 58M + 11M*
*Includes the “Bad Boy Fantasy Remix” featuring O.D.B.
“Fantasy” is a bop, and arguably the song that pushed Mariah to super stardom. Despite being nominated in six categories and controversially winning nothing on the night of the 38th Grammy Awards, Daydream cemented MC’s status in the music industry. “Fantasy” was the album’s leading track, and it became the first ever single by a female artist to debut #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. It stayed there eight consecutive weeks. If the pop version isn’t iconic enough, with the music video featuring Mariah riding on a roller coaster, the remix with O.D.B. is arguably just as famous, if not more so. The “Bad Boy Fantasy Remix” introduced the featured rapper formula into mainstream music, a formula that’s practically standard in the industry nowadays.
7. “Always Be My Baby” Daydream
No. of streams: 148 422 869
MV views: 162M
Yet, the numbers for "Fantasy" cannot compete with this song. A reason for this is perhaps a lack of airplay; “Fantasy” is danceable but there’s no hook.“Always Be My Baby” was the third single off the Daydream album. After breaking records with “Fantasy”, by debuting at #1, and “One Sweet Day”, for logging 16 weeks at #1, “Always Be My Baby” debuted at #2 and logged only 2 weeks at #1; however, the stats show how age has affected the song’s popularity with the MV views for “Always Be My Baby” doubling those of “Fantasy”. “Fantasy” takes more of a backseat in Mariah’s concert set lists. “One Sweet Day” almost faded into obscurity before it made a resurgence this decade when songs like “Despacito” and “Old Town Road” rivalled its chart records; it’s also made a reappearance on set lists. All of this is to illustrate that “Always Be My Baby” has always been a staple, a favourite amongst fans and the general listeners. The song has many great Mariah moments, but what really latches on and sets the ground for “Always Be My Baby” to play on is the opening “Doo doo doo”. This song does what “Fantasy” didn’t do, and that’s creating a feeling. The song and the music video is a perfect pairing. You listen to the song, and you are reminded of sitting by a firepit, reminiscing about a significant first love that’s no longer, the exact imagery that’s been replicated by the MV; this is probably why it has so many views.
6. “Touch My Body” E=MC²
No. of streams: 64 797 196
MV views: 185M
“Touch My Body” is Mariah’s second-most recent #1 single of her 19 chart-toppers, and the leading single to the 2008 album E=MC². Although its release was in the middle of February, the song really transports you to an eternal summer. The song received its fair share of critiques, including more than a couple that said “Touch My Body” lacks Mariah’s 5-octave range; nonetheless, if MC’s previous album, The Emancipation of Mimi, was MC’s comeback, this single solidified her status as 'the diva' with a new decade of listeners. It’ll be wrong to think, however, that Mariah wasn’t in on all the fun as well, and this is why the MV has its views. The music video is a fantasy sequence of Mariah flirting with Jack McBrayer in a mansion. After her comeback, this was Mariah’s way of going back to doing something that defied the critic’s expectations. With The Emancipation of Mimi, she proved that she still got it — the range, the ability to write hits, the star power; "Touch My Body” brings back the Mariah we have come to love in the past decade — the extravagance, the luxury, the seeming aloofness. For a moment, “Touch My Body” captures MC having fun, and the simple structure of this song reflects that.
5. “Obsessed” Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel
No. of streams: 82 625 131
MV views: 127M + 15M*
*Includes the remix featuring Gucci Mane
“Obsessed” gained new life this year, ten years after its initial release in 2009, with the #Obsessed challenge on TikTok. Teens were creating choreography for this song, and simultaneously propelling Mariah to becoming Queen of Memes, one of MC’s many titles. The opening to “Obsessed” breathes new life into a line borrowed from one of Mariah’s favourite movies, Mean Girls, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” This line, along with “I don’t know her”, has its place in meme culture. Besides its relevance to a new generation, its iconicity can also be contributed to the fact that it's a high profile diss track that attacks Eminem’s harassment, but it’s pop, not rap. Its conception introduced a new generation of pop artists to using their tracks as a way to call-out others. “Obsessed” resurfaces perennially when Eminem decides that his almost-two-decade old alleged fling with MC somehow deserves another mention. Maybe she’s the best thing to have happened to Eminem? Lyrically, “Obsessed” is one of Mariah’s sharpest, with her directly calling out Eminem’s desire to make something out of nothing; see: “you hatin' hard/Ain’t goin' feed you, I'm a let you starve/Graspin’ for air, and I'm ventilation/You out of breath, hope you ain't waitin’.”
4. “We Belong Together” The Emancipation of Mimi
No. of streams: 210 251 706
MV views: 399M
“We Belong Together” is Mariah’s comeback track. Regardless of whether she knew this song would make it big when she was writing it, this song would live on in the history books as the song that told skeptics that Mariah ain’t going anywhere. “We Belong Together” is very stripped down — it’s Mariah singing on top of a piano and a beat, then Mariah singing on top of herself in the chorus. For a song about unrequited love, which Mariah usually packages as being more upbeat than it should be (see: “Always Be My Baby” or “All I Want For Christmas Is You”), “We Belong Together” is incredibly visceral. It’s a sad song and it shows, and somehow Mariah communicates the frustration and swirling of emotions so well that you might even tear up by the end when she holds that fifteen-second note. The other unique thing about this song is that she sings the lyrics as if it’s a rap, very reminiscent of her earlier hip-hop inspired tracks like “Breakdown” ft. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, an overlooked fan favourite. Try singing it without ever practising, and you’ll find that MC placed words in a very specific rhythm. This song also introduced the ‘Mariah-ballad structure’, a formula that she continues to follow for many of her ballads: It consists of an absent bridge with a belted last chorus that takes its place. And as for the MV, Mariah elopes with a lover in a car while wearing the same Vera Wang wedding dress she wore at her real-life marriage is as iconic as it gets.
3. “Emotions” Emotions
No. of streams: 41 251 987
MV views: 32M + 2.7M* + 9.9M**
*Includes the Club Remix
**Includes the MTV Unplugged live version, and the 1993 Here is Mariah Carey live version
There’s a reason “We Belong Together” didn’t crack the Top 3: It’s strictly a song about unrequited love. Mariah, alone, has quite a few of those in her catalogue. And there’s only oh-so-many occasions in which to bring back this song unless it’s already part of your daily repertoire. If Minnie Riperton’s “Lovin’ You” takes first place for the most iconic use of whistle notes in a pop song, “Emotions” no doubt takes second; however “Emotions” has to take first for inspiring every pop singer and their grandmas to use whistle notes, from Christina Aguilera and Leona Lewis to Ariana Grande and Tori Kelly. Yes, “Emotions” is a love song, similar to “We Belong Together”, but it’s also a learning tool for many aspiring pop and R&B singers — this song is a resource. It’s like learning music theory and referring back to Mozart and Beethoven. “Emotions” contains those whistle notes, all the up to an E7, but it also contains low notes (several C3s), high belts (F5s and G5s), head notes (the “You” in G5), repetitive phrasing from C5 - E5, a couple of sustained E5 belts, and melismas. In the live versions, you really get to observe MC’s stamina as we goes through the song with ease. And if you compile all of the live versions of “Emotions”, Mariah demonstrates five full octaves from B2 to B7. Simply put, “Emotions” is an encyclopedia of vocal virtuosity for rising and seasoned singers.
2. “Hero” Music Box
No. of streams: 99 556 980
MV views: 236M + 5.7M*
*Includes a live version from the Daydream World Tour
There’s a thing about “Emotions”, and it’s best if I told you through an anecdote: I played this song in a classroom once, and one of the 5-year olds asked why she [Mariah] was screaming in the song. Blasphemous, I know. Arguably though, the whistle notes are more well-known than the actual song itself. But “Hero” is one of those instances where you know the song, even though you don’t think you do. Just listen to those opening piano notes; flashes of the entire song will surely follow. Not surprisingly, this is the first ever MC song I’ve ever heard; I heard it when I was seven because we had to perform an ASL version of it, but I didn’t know it was Mariah at the time. I didn’t know until possibly a decade later when I thought back on the signs, and the lyrics “And a hero comes along” popped into mind. Obviously, this list is tinged by my own biases; however, “Hero”, this song about loving yourself, and finding that hero within yourself, is special, not only to the fan base, but to anyone who needs a pick-me-up, even if they’re not Mariah fans. It’s radio-friendly; it’s singing competition-friendly (it only goes up to an E5, a mid-belt for Mariah; for reference Idina Menzel goes up to E♭5 in “Let It Go” and “Into the Unknown”); it’s graduation-friendly; and it’s concert-friendly, considering Mariah almost always ends her concert with “Hero”. It’s a sappy song, one that Mariah initially didn’t like, but she explains that she sings it every time because you never know who might need it.
1. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” Merry Christmas
No. of streams: 595 428 506
MV views: 602M + 11M*
*Includes the alternative Black & White version, and Unreleased Video Footage version
Perhaps you can avoid unrequited love, high notes, and graduations, but in North America, can you really avoid winter? With winter comes holiday season comes Mariah Carey, Queen of Christmas comes “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. Released in 1994, this song has finally reached #1 on the Billboards Hot 100 after 25 years. MC released a handful of versions, including a re-recorded, Disney-sounding version in 2010, and another with Justin Bieber in 2011, but let’s make it clear that the version that makes a resurgence every year, and that we all hear on the radio, is none other than the original 1994 recording. The original recording which was never released as a single was not allowed to chart in ‘94, but ever since Billboard updated its rules to allow songs to re-chart in the Top 50 in 2012, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” has made a reappearance every year. It broke into the Top 10 for the first time in 2017, then the Top 5 in 2018. It’s hard to best something when it’s already so close to perfection, if not perfect. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is such a definitive holiday-pop standard that it’s been broken down into a two-part formula. The formula finds it’s way into many of the new released Christmas songs hoping to make it big, which in some ways are their downfall because it sounds disingenuous, particularly in a season where sentimentality drives sincerity, or at least the façade of it. This two-part formula that it has inspired includes: (A) Wrapping up a unrequited love song to sound like an upbeat Christmas song; and (B) The “Wall of Sound” sound originally created by Phil Spector, which includes a underlying chorus line, a strong accompaniment, and the use of symphonic instruments. You’ll find at least one, if not both, pieces of the formula, whether it’s intentional or not, in recent holiday songs such as “Mistletoe”, “Underneath the Tree”, “One More Sleep”, “Santa Tell Me”, and even “Christmas Tree Farm”. Walter Afanasieff, the co-writer of this song, said, “Back then, you didn’t have a lot of artists with Christmas albums,” and with that he meant in the ‘80s and ‘90s, rising stars didn’t record an entire studio album's worth of Christmas songs. Whitney didn’t have one yet, Madonna didn’t have one (and still continues not to have one), Michael stopped doing them when he recorded under Epic Records in 1979; and y’alls are probably thinking of Wham!’s “Last Christmas”, but that was a single. Despite Mariah initially not wanting to do a Christmas album, and as pessimistic as this may sound, Merry Christmas has re-introduced the lucrative Christmas song business to pop singers.
We may remember this decade’s Mariah — a diva with shaky performances, but this two-dimensional image erases the gut-wrenching, tear-jerking efforts she put into the two previous decades. MC was a trailblazer, and continues to be one as you will see in the upcoming lists. To say that Mariah leans only on past achievements, and relies too heavily on titles like “Queen of Christmas” or “Queen of Memes” diminishes the fact that the upkeep of the legacy she’s built for herself requires time and hard work.
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hallelujuh · 5 years
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shay’s favorite albums of 2018
10. Hivemind by The Internet - TI are insanely underrated and definitely helped me remember how much I adore R&B music. I literally love the bass lines so much - I’ve learned about half of the ones off this record, honestly. Syd’s vocals are amazing as ever, seamless and sexy and gorgeous, and I just, I love R&B music so much, gotta get into more soul shit. Favorite track: Bravo.
9. Sweetener by Ariana Grande - Somehow Ari flew under my radar for years; I simply did not care about her, and rarely heard her music on the radio, let alone sought it out. But some friends succeeded in getting me into it, and now I respect her as a singer and a person. She’s been through hell, and I admire her strength. Not to mention she’s incredibly talented as a singer. I have a hard time with pop records, because of the lack of substance and depth, but this record is a look into a person I think we’d come to forget was a person at all; it’s all her feelings, her heart on her sleeve, and it’s awesome. Not to mention her voice is literally so damn pleasant to listen to, I could fall asleep to it, haha. Favorite track: Successful. 
8. Dirty Computer by Janelle Monae - Miss Monae literally has so much going for her. She’s so immensely talented at everything, and after her success in the film industry, it was nice to witness her return to music. Dirty Computer is fun, personal, and reminds you that Janelle deserves a lot more attention and admiration as a musician, because she does some really innovative and unique stuff that is always something special to behold. She’s a damn good rapper, too, and the accompanying short film to this record was really cool. Favorite track: Screwed. 
7. Pray for the Wicked by Panic! At The Disco - After being a fan for literal ages, I finally saw Panic this year, so that was pretty damn cool. Pretty much DoaB Part Two, but that’s not a bad thing. The music is fun, Brendon’s vocals are as awesome as ever, the production is smooth as hell, and the songs were a damn blast live. A little too uppity for me, but several of the songs have been on replay at times. Favorite track: One of the Drunks. 
6. Trench by Twenty One Pilots - I have a love-hate relationship with 21p, and I’m not emo anymore, so I nearly didn’t even listen to this record, but I did, and I, grudgingly, liked it very much. It doesn’t deviate significantly from the sound of Blurryface, but incorporates a lot more bass in (which I appreciate, as a bassist). It’s also notable this album was lighter in tone, at least sonically. That’s nice. Had a bit of punk, in there, a New Wave sound, almost. Pretty interesting. And deep subject matter. I wish this band hadn’t been spoiled for me. Damn. Favorite track: Bandito. 
5. Queen by Nicki Minaj - A truly fitting title. Nicki’s always exuded a majestic sort of power, a confidence, strength, and sexiness we all can admire, and she’s never faltered in that, but she’s definitely at her top form here.  Favorite track: Barbie Dreams. The Biggie-sampled beat makes an already awesome song even better. This is essentially Nicki’s Control; honest, biting, but also wonderfully comedic and light-hearted. I will literally never forget listening to this for the first time, absolutely awed at every rapper she managed to playfully go at, and how clever each sneak-diss was. 
4. KOD by J. Cole - Cole’s been my favorite for years, and each of his recent albums have resonated with me deeply because of how genuine he comes across, even when he’s rapping about the typical things a rapper might rap about. Somehow Cole does it in a unique way and always makes it his own, so I never tire of the same topics. And he’s real, real as fuck; unapologetic and confident, but not assholish or excessively cocky. I really applaud him for that. Favorite track: 1985. Cole’s proudly embracing the fact that he’s not a youngin in the rap game anymore, and taking the role of a older figure, a wise one who advises his younger peers to reconsider their careers and their admittedly slim chances of remaining relevant. It’s brutally honest, harsh but not cruel, and absolutely admirable. Not the mention the beat is chill as fuck. Whole thing gives me goosebumps; easily one of the highlights of Cole’s career. 
3. Kamikaze by Eminem - Okay, I’m a former hardcore stan who’s turned critical in recent years, but this record fully blew me away. Marsh got relevant again! With the dope flows! Damn! One of my favorite parts of this record was the reactions - watching people remember that Em is not one to be fucked with. Not to mention the now-iconic MGK beef. What a bunch of horseshit. Killshot totally roasted the dude, though. Favorite track: The Ringer. What a way to open a record! Holy shit. I re-listened to this one repeatedly because it was so unexpectedly incredible, with the way the flow is changed up frequently, and the wordplay never falters, clever as ever. Renewed a lot of people’s faith in Em’s abilities, I think; myself included.
2. Iridescence by Brockhampton - In last year’s post I said how excited I was for what the future had in store for BH; and boy, was this year a good one for them. On this record, despite the absence of Ameer, they hold their own without him; Matt, Joba, and Dom even seem to step up to the plate, in fact, and each member spits fire, so that the manic energy from the Saturation Trilogy remains. Said trilogy helped them establish their winning song-writing and production formula, and this record polishes it.  Favorite track: Weight. Absolute goosebumps. The whole track has an otherworldly energy, but the transition from Joba’s verse into Dom’s is especially visceral. Joba’s holds an enthusiastic nihilism of sorts, and optimistic perception of life’s pain, while Dom’s is deeply depressive and harrowing, his voice full of a hurt and his words holding a wisdom beyond his years. It’s a beautiful track, through and through. 
1. Post Traumatic by Mike Shinoda - This album pretty much saved me this year. I’m very thankful to Mike for putting his feelings to music, because these tracks helped me sort out mine, and I connected to each individual song in a way I haven’t in a long time. I would actually kill to go to a show of his; it’d probably be somewhat of a spiritual thing for me, considering how deeply even the studio versions resonate. Favorite track: Hold It Together. I literally love every song on this album (except IOU...), and each is uniquely special, deeply personal, and beautifully resonates, but this one stands out for some reason. I think that breakdown towards the end adds a lot. Some other favorites are About You, Ghosts, Make It Up As I Go, and Running From My Shadow. And there’s not even words for Brooding.
honorable mentions
Expectations by Hayley Kiyoko - This one very nearly made my list, but Hivemind ending up dethroning it. It’s a great debut, full of gay bops that really kicked off 20gayteen well, I’d say. (Favorite track: Wanna Be Missed. Fun fact: My most listened song for all of 2018.)
Mania by Fall Out Boy - It’s unfortunate that my long-time favorite band didn’t make the list, but I just couldn’t get into the sound of this record. (Favorite track: Sunshine Riptide)
Bloom by Troye Sivan - He’s so big now! A big boy! I’m so proud of how far he’s come. I wasn’t as big on this album as I was on Blue Neighbourhood, but it’s still a solid sophomore record. (Favorite track: Dance to This)
Be the Cowboy by Mitski - Mitski’s sound is an aquired taste... I’m still not entirely in love with it, it’s so otherwordly in a jarring way? But I applaud her innovation. (Favorite track: Nobody)
extended plays
they’re too short to be included in my top albums, but i wanted to mention them anyway.
Lake Effect Kid by Fall Out Boy - The Chicago fuckers strike again! While the themes took away from the, uh, relatability, of the music, they’re still solid tracks that deviate from their earlier 2018 effort in a pleasant way. (Favorite track: Super Fade)
My Dear Melancholy by The Weeknd - Abel is one of my favorite musicians of all time (and was my most listened to for two years in a row) and he’d never disappoint me. MDM is sad, harrowing, and visceral, proof that Abel continues to be one of the best artists of this decade. (Favorite track: Call Out My Name)
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Book of the Month - April 2018
The Girl Who Smiled Beads A Story of War and What Comes After
By Clemantine Wamariya and Elizabeth Weil
This month's Book of the Month Club selections were, again, kind of all over the place, which always makes me happy! I like trying new things! A couple thrillers, a memoir, a historical fantasy and a sci-fi; what more could I ask for to choose from?!
Our Kind of Cruelty by Araminta Hall (A thriller, BOTM Exclusive):
This is a love story. Mike’s love story.
Mike Hayes fought his way out of a brutal childhood and into a quiet, if lonely, life before he met Verity Metcalf. V taught him about love, and in return, Mike has dedicated his life to making her happy. He’s found the perfect home, the perfect job; he’s sculpted himself into the physical ideal V has always wanted. He knows they’ll be blissfully happy together.
It doesn’t matter that she hasn’t been returning his e-mails or phone calls. It doesn’t matter that she says she’s marrying Angus.
It’s all just part of the secret game they used to play. If Mike watches V closely, he’ll see the signs. If he keeps track of her every move, he’ll know just when to come to her rescue . . .
A spellbinding, darkly twisted novel about desire and obsession, and the complicated lines between truth and perception, Our Kind of Cruelty introduces Araminta Hall, a chilling new voice in psychological suspense.
Circe by Madeline Miller (The Historical Fantasy):
In the house of Helios, god of the sun and mightiest of the Titans, a daughter is born. But Circe is a strange child—not powerful, like her father, nor viciously alluring like her mother. Turning to the world of mortals for companionship, she discovers that she does possess power—the power of witchcraft, which can transform rivals into monsters and menace the gods themselves.
Threatened, Zeus banishes her to a deserted island, where she hones her occult craft, tames wild beasts and crosses paths with many of the most famous figures in all of mythology, including the Minotaur, Daedalus and his doomed son Icarus, the murderous Medea, and, of course, wily Odysseus.
But there is danger, too, for a woman who stands alone, and Circe unwittingly draws the wrath of both men and gods, ultimately finding herself pitted against one of the most terrifying and vengeful of the Olympians. To protect what she loves most, Circe must summon all her strength and choose, once and for all, whether she belongs with the gods she is born from, or the mortals she has come to love.
With unforgettably vivid characters, mesmerizing language and page-turning suspense, Circe is a triumph of storytelling, an intoxicating epic of family rivalry, palace intrigue, love and loss, as well as a celebration of indomitable female strength in a man's world.
Then She was Gone by Lisa Jewell (The other thriller):
Ellie Mack was the perfect daughter. She was fifteen, the youngest of three. She was beloved by her parents, friends, and teachers. She and her boyfriend made a teenaged golden couple. She was days away from an idyllic post-exams summer vacation, with her whole life ahead of her.
And then she was gone.
Now, her mother Laurel Mack is trying to put her life back together. It’s been ten years since her daughter disappeared, seven years since her marriage ended, and only months since the last clue in Ellie’s case was unearthed. So when she meets an unexpectedly charming man in a café, no one is more surprised than Laurel at how quickly their flirtation develops into something deeper. Before she knows it, she’s meeting Floyd’s daughters—and his youngest, Poppy, takes Laurel’s breath away.
Because looking at Poppy is like looking at Ellie. And now, the unanswered questions she’s tried so hard to put to rest begin to haunt Laurel anew. Where did Ellie go? Did she really run away from home, as the police have long suspected, or was there a more sinister reason for her disappearance? Who is Floyd, really? And why does his daughter remind Laurel so viscerally of her own missing girl?
The Oracle Year by Charles Soule (The Sci-Fi Debut):
Knowledge is power. So when an unassuming Manhattan bassist named Will Dando awakens from a dream one morning with 108 predictions about the future in his head, he rapidly finds himself the most powerful man in the world. Protecting his anonymity by calling himself the Oracle, he sets up a heavily guarded Web site with the help of his friend Hamza to selectively announce his revelations. In no time, global corporations are offering him millions for exclusive access, eager to profit from his prophecies.
He's also making a lot of high-powered enemies, from the President of the United States and a nationally prominent televangelist to a warlord with a nuclear missile and an assassin grandmother. Legions of cyber spies are unleashed to hack the Site—as it's come to be called—and the best manhunters money can buy are deployed not only to unmask the Oracle but to take him out of the game entirely. With only a handful of people he can trust—including a beautiful journalist—it's all Will can do to simply survive, elude exposure, and protect those he loves long enough to use his knowledge to save the world.
Delivering fast-paced adventure on a global scale as well as sharp-witted satire on our concepts of power and faith, Marvel writer Charles Soule's audacious debut novel takes readers on a rollicking ride where it's impossible to predict what will happen next.
Reading through the different synopsis I knew I was going to get a couple different ones (surprise, surprise!), but once I read the synopsis for The Girl Who Smiled Beads (the debut memoir) , I knew it was the one I wanted to read for this month's BOTM review. 
Some History:
Clemantine Wamariya is a storyteller and human rights advocate. Born in Kigali, Rwanda, displaced by conflict, Clemantine migrated through seven African countries as a child. At age twelve, she was granted refugee status in the United States and went on to receive a BA in comparative literature from Yale University. She lives in San Francisco.
Elizabeth Weil is a contributing writer to the New York Times Magazine. She lives in San Francisco with her husband and two daughters.
The Synopsis:
Clemantine Wamariya was six years old when her mother and father began to speak in whispers, when neighbors began to disappear, and when she heard the loud, ugly sounds her brother said were thunder. In 1994, she and her fifteen-year-old sister, Claire, fled the Rwandan massacre and spent the next six years migrating through seven African countries, searching for safety - perpetually hungry, imprisoned and abused, enduring and escaping refugee camps, finding unexpected kindness, witnessing inhuman cruelty. They did not know whether their parents were alive or dead.
When Clemantine was twelve, she and her sister were granted refugee status in the United States; there, in Chicago, their lives diverged. Though their bond remained unbreakable, Claire, who had for so long protected and provided for Clemantine, was a single mother struggling to make ends meet, while Clemantine was taken in by a family who raised her as their own. She seemed - at least on the surface - to be living the American dream: attending private school, taking up cheerleading, and , ultimately, graduating from Yale. Yet the years of being treated as less than human, of going hungry and seeing death, could not be erased. She felt at the same time six years old and one hundred years old.
In The Girl Who Smiled Beads, Clemantine provokes us to look beyond the label of "victim" and recognize the power of imagination to transcend even the most profound injuries and aftershocks. Devastating yet beautiful, and bracingly original, it is a powerful testament to her commitment to constructing a life on her own terms. (Crown Publishing Group)
The Review & Wrap-Up:
The Girl Who Smiled Beads is disheartening and powerful, heartbreaking and encouraging, hateful and angry, yet loving and kind. It will have you so twisted and knotted up in your emotions that you won't know what to think, much like the life of Clemantine.
While reading this book I felt so much pain and anger for Clemantine and her sister Claire, he amount of pain and suffering that they endured just broke my hear, yet to see their perseverance, and strength to make it through, alone and at such a young age is incredible. To have a minuscule of strength they had would be like being Wonder Woman times two!
I really enjoyed reading The Girl Who Smiled Beads. It reopened my eyes to the terrors and hardships that really do occur in this world, while I sit back and deal with my first world issues. It's hard to imagine the world that Clemantine comes from; a world that she longs to be a child in again. 
If you're into world problems: read this book. If you're looking to learn more about the world you live in: read this book. If you're even remotely human: Read. This. Book!
 From one bookaholic to another, I hope I’ve helped you find your next fix. —Dani
Dani's Score out of 5: 📚📚📚📚
Love this book? To learn more about the Rwanda genocide, check out Machete Season: The Killers in Rwanda Speak by Jean Hatzfeld.
The genocidal massacre of almost a million people in Rwanda more than a decade ago may be fading into history, but the killers are with us still, and so is the moral problem of trying to understand how such terrible crimes could have been committed. Jean Hatzfeld's astonishing account of conversations he had with some of the killers, now convicted and in jail - men who had rampaged across the fields, singing as they went, hacking to death 50,000 out of 59,000 of their neighbors - offers extraordinary insights into the nature of this collective crime. But, as Hatzfeld understands, the killers' words raise as many questions as they answer.
The ten men Hatzfeld interviewed had been friends from childhood who had stayed together during their genocidal "job," as they called  it, and then in their flight to exile in Congo, during their subsequent capture and trials, and no in prison. They freely spoke to Hatzfeld about what life had been like during those terrible weeks in the spring of 1994, and what they thought about what they had done.
There has never been testimony like this. "The offenders know more than the basic facts," one acknowledges. "They have secrets in their souls." Another simply says, "Killing was less wearisome than farming." "A man is like an animal: you give him a whack on the head or the neck, and down he goes," says another. Why were they willing to talk? Did they distinguish truth from self-defensive evasion about this gruesome killing spree? Did they seek reconciliation, forgiveness, understanding? Were they remorseless, or did they suffer the nightmares of the damned?
Hatzfeld's report on this horrific testimony is humane and wise, and he relates the unprecedented material he obtained from the génocidaires to what we know of other war crimes and genocidal episodes. It has sometimes been suggested that only depraved and monstrous men could perpetrate such crimes, but it may be, Hatzfeld suggests, that these terrible actions are within the realm of ordinary human conduct.
To read this disturbing, lucid book and to hear the killers' chilling voices is to consider in a new light the foundation of human morality and ethics. (Farrar, Straus and Giroux)
Start a conversation: If you were in a genocide situation, would you be able to perservere? How? What are the strengths you possess that would pull you  through?
Have a book you’d like to suggest or one you’d like me to review? Please feel free to leave your comments down below.
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