#Armand being responsible for Claudia's murder

[fayevalcntine]

Some people put way too much stock in iwtv writers handling everything pristinely well and idk, I think that's gonna blow up in their face sooner or later when season 1 alone proved that they are not trying to tiptoe around certain matters and would sooner be fine with causing a problem and then dismissively refer to it in an interview than even worry about it in the first place

#iwtv #like......aside from the fact that the majority of the writers' room is white #it also doesn't help that some writers/producers like Rolin and Hannah simply don't care for trivial matters #like being 'cancelled on twitter' #Hannah referred to the DV scene in ep5 as a 'fight' and Rolin dismissively waved his hand at the terrible Claudia rape storyline #these writers are already established in their own circles and field; they don't care for online validation from people #who can't write an essay to save their life #like I see so many fans laugh at the thought of 'oh they're gonna make Lestat look not so bad' #they don't even consider the optics of how the writers may make Louis look like if he knows about #Armand being responsible for Claudia's murder #and still living with him for decades? allowing him to butcher her diaries? #therefore again; letting Armand tear apart Claudia in a figurative way #like some of you guys may be all *sickos* yes yes about it #but idk if the general audience; who already doesn't take some of Louis' deliberate misdirections seriously #will just accept and move on #especially when Louis himself apparently tries to make him and Claudia look like sympathetic people in his story #how exactly is that gonna come off to Daniel/the audience if he's not only knowingly lived with his daughter's actual #murderer for decades #but has also allowed him to tear apart the only last remaining evidence of her for the sake of not dealing with his own mistakes #and take it from someone who saw fans go INSANE after a certain tv characters' death #to the point where it made headline news #networks don't care for outrage in some moral manner #that show ended up getting 4 more seasons; so

[licncourt]

The way I know TC would’ve killed the scenes in Paris <\3 I wanted to see him begging for Louis’ life and crying over Claudia. Also Antonio Bandera’s Armand begging him to love him and then being like ‘so perish’ 🥲 oh well. On a totally different note, what do you think Lestat would’ve done if Louis had an affair in response to Lestat’s own infidelity? I know it’s far fetched from Louis’s personality (king of ice queen apathy) but I am curious lol

No because he would have!! He plays Lestat's intimate, emotional moments so well, I think he would've nailed it. Maybe conspiracy theory (?) but I believe he recorded at least some of that stuff because of the BTS photos of Tom Cruise in sfx burn makeup and a suit. Neil Jordan release the tapes!!

And like you said, I don't think a revenge affair would be Louis' preferred method of payback, but I do think he would probably get mad and think about, maybe even threaten it if he was feeling particularly bitchy that day.

I assume you're talking about Antoine in IWTV, and that's a funny situation because it puts them both in a very potentially vulnerable position. Obviously Lestat was doing it at least in part to get Louis' attention, but admitting that would be admitting that he cares about receiving affection and love from Louis. In turn, if Louis got upset, that would be an acknowledgment that he sees Lestat as his partner and is invested enough in the relationship to be hurt.

Because of that weird dynamic, I think Lestat would, depending on his mood, either throw a monumental and destructive bitchfit (but make up some shitty excuse for why he was upset) or pretend he didn't give a fuck and then stew and mope and cry himself to sleep, maybe secretly break stuff or commit some recreational murders.

It's interesting to think about because it's a catch 22 for them, either admit you care and are in love or silently seethe and deal with the pain of your partner messing around with someone else. They'd both probably rather do the latter in the Interview era tbh.

#they're rats in my fucked up experiment and i'm observing their behaviors #answered #vc

[dwreader]

So you don’t think Louis knows?

idk I wasn’t in the writers room but I just think he has to believe the trial was mostly legitimate or else the ending of s1 kinda makes no sense. which still works if he’s suspicious that armand was running the trial after all and not santiago as advertised but if he knew armand used it as a ploy then my point is why lie to himself and daniel about who decided not to burn lestat?? it wouldn’t have mattered in fact in the real version of events the trial is the legitimate outcome of the murder where claudia would be punished more severely so it’s like why is louis deluding himself and why is armand feeding that delusion and saying shit like you’ll be ashamed once you hear the rest of the story. like in the book louis never had any delusions about the murder he told it as a matter of fact that claudia plotted it, murdered lestat while he just stood and watched and he later says he knew he should’ve stopped her but was too weak to act which begs the q why that’s been changed in the show in which he is more involved and he’s also being deceptive about the truth unless it directly impacts the outcome of the trial (lestat being alive to show up and accuse claudia leads to her death so in order to live with himself louis has to share the responsibility with her of letting lestat live). but it’s like if armand did it all to remove claudia then who cares if lestat lived or not, who cares if he testified or accused, and who cares whose idea it was not to burn him cause knowing armand’s responsible means he also knows his motive and his motive has nothing to do with lestat’s murder.

also i think there’s an assumption that we have to circle back around to the books ending even though certain adaptational changes have a butterfly effect on the rest of the story and the murder plot seems like the most important event that propels the effects of the second half. ALSO louis&claudia’s vibes in the book are very very different and adapting it to a purely familial relationship in the show makes a difference too. one of the things that annoys me about adaptations sometimes is they’ll change a major event but keep everything else the same like that change wouldn’t have impacted further events down the line but so far the show has done a pretty good job of telling their own story that’s more inspired by the books than slavish to them.

#but I fully admit i have no attachment to these books so idc as much #my version of this story was the Tom cruise movie where they changed all this shit too #they didn’t even bother bringing back tom for the trial!!! so it was even more clearly irrelevant loldlskska #iwtv

[nalyra-dreaming]

I think it would be really interesting to analyse all of the ‘changes’ the writers made when adapting season 1 when we speculate about season 2.

Being loyal to the core of the plot and characters is obviously important but the how we get there has been so wonderfully fluid.

Lestat turns Louis ➡️ they have a courtship over many months and a much more dramatic turning scene …the romance is made completely clear

Louis feels guilt for taking Claudia’s human life away, draining her, they take her for selfish reasons ➡️ Louis is inadvertently responsible for a riot that gets her killed because he was struggling with his vampiric nature and brings her to lestat …Louis becomes more active in wanting her to be a vampire and then more guilt

Claudia plans lestats murder ➡️ Claudia involves Louis in the murder and pressures him into being complicit, Louis claims he was to one to slit lestat’s throat in the end ….a greater rift between him and Claudia

Not to mention the timeline changes and the fact Louis and armand in the modern day never drifted apart as much as they did in the book…and armand may not have come clean about everything that happened in Paris (a guess)

I think the writers obviously want to keep show watchers and book readers alike on their toes at all times but also maybe most majorly they don’t feel a desire to scene for scene recreate what the film already adapted, so the fact the film never adapted a big chunk of lestat’s role in part 2 has left so much space for them to play around. They aren’t going to want to leave him out for most the season but the book still doesn’t provide much so I think they will get really creative and wont pass up the opportunity to maybe have a few mad Paris scenes with the NOLA family all together and sharing screentime. The book accurate idea lestat is only going to be in a dungeon kept by armand there might be assuming too much. We should really expect some big changes while they still remain ‘wildly loyal’ as Rolin put it, stay true to character but they will put in new scenarios we can’t imagine yet.

The nature of Claudia’s death I think will be biggest diversion maybe, just a hunch, Louis’ grief and the burning of the theatre are the only things we can count in for sure to happen. The trial could be flipped on its head in so many interesting ways. Thus far in season one all the pivotal months have has some twist to them. What do you think?

YES! I think that is very likely, actually.

I don't think they'll keep Lestat in the dungeon for the whole time either. I just mentioned the timeline earlier in relation to possible jealousy, because I don't quite see that happening.

BUT you are right, maybe they'll expand on that. I'm pretty sure they'll make it seem as if it is Lestat's fault Claudia gets condemned at first (Twitter will explode), and only later on we'll get the truth - and yes, Louis may not know (or remember) yet.

But I also expect them to keep us all, show and book based audience, on their toes. So far they've done a masterful job, and... while I expect them to get to the main plot points... I'm mostly giddy to see how they'll twist it to get there.

I mean, we're STILL hunting for all the little things in this show, right, and that is so rewarding. If you hear Bailey gushing about season 2 opens up all the characters... *shivers in delight* - I expect them to do all that and then some.

Given the fact that Rue Royale has not burned though... and that we didn't get Swamp!Stat... some of those twists might be truly surprising. :))

But we'll see.

I've seen so many theories now... it will be truly exciting to see who or what comes close :))

#Anonymous #asks #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #iwtv 2022 #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #the brat prince #iwtv lestat #future season speculation #ask nalyra

[blueiight]

To add to your response Louis was totally dawdling about leaving Claudia. They talked about separating but it really wasn't happening anytime soon it seemed and Claudia still wants him to go with her. Also the only reason Claudia had to leave in the book is cause of the other vampires' suspicions about Lestat's murder, otherwise I really think she and Madeiline would've just hung around w/ Louis forever. In the show that suspicion would be equally true for Louis since he plays a major part in the murder so that's gonna be different I feel?

great additions! i dont think armand wouldve tolerated claudia & madeline around louis much longer than he did as is but ur definitely right in how louis dawdled in leaving claudia bc he loved both armand & claudia n claudia still loved louis too much to leave w/o him. i cant see amc claudia being altruistic to take the charge for lestat on her own, least of all when louis here dealt lestat the killer blow, then again i can see armand tryna cover up the suspicions around louis’s role in lestat’s death [& lestat fasho snitching still]

#yn. #yn answers #iwtv

[littlesmartart]

THE MIRROR MIRROR AU

Prince Lestat  Official Title: Prince  Actual Role: Figurehead, "Nuclear Deterrent", Resident People Person  Lestat is an arrogant, swaggering, violent, charismatic moron, who loves his family and loves fine clothes and loves how he looks in this crown, baby. He's beautiful and strong, and his husband is beautiful and smart, and that's why THEY'RE in charge.

Prince Consort Louis  Official Title: Prince Consort, Keeper of the Royal Treasury  Actual Role: Regent, Accountant, Responsible for keeping Lestat out of excessive trouble  A very calm, polite, well-mannered man who is smart but so weak he's mostly there for eye-candy. And isn't it nice that he stands in for the prince at meetings and councils, and aren't his little ideas interesting, and isn't it so helpful that he manages the Royal Treasury?

HRH Gabrielle  Official Title: Queen Mother  Actual Role: Spy, Assassin  Louis cut a deal with Gabrielle early on in his marriage that in return for her loyalty, he would excuse her all royal duties in the court and send her on "ambassadorial trips" where she could collect intel and murder. Gabrielle is a-okay with this arrangement. 

Princess Claudia  Official Title: Princess  Actual Role: N i g h t m a r e  This is a girl who has never been told no. She has both daddies wrapped around her tiny little finger; one daddy is the prince, and one daddy is very good at making inconvenient messes disappear, so Claudia spends most of her time taking out her frustration at being child-sized on everyone else...

Armand  Official Title: Advisor  Actual Role: Executioner, Spy  Armand has terrifying psychic abilities, a wealth of resources, and zero morals, so he is both a perfect spy within the court and very helpful for Louis to call on to clean up... indiscretions.

Daniel  Official Title: Human Liaison  Actual Role: Mercenary  As the youngest vampire, Daniel essentially acts as the human branch of Armand's job, and helps manipulate the human world to protect and benefit the court. Out of all of them he has the most morals so can be a bit of a wild card, but Armand knows how to handle him to keep him in line.

Mojo  Official Title: Good Boy  Actual Role: Good Boy  A GOOD BOY.

more details under the cut

this happened because I was thinking about why later canon Lestat sucks, and it's because AR made him a monster, but not like... a sympathetic or FUN one, he's just an asshole who tramples on everyone around him, and I thought... well if you're going to make HIM an irredeemable monster, why not actually make it INTERESTING and commit to this bullshit and MAKE THEM ALL UTTERLY IRREDEEMABLE UNSYMPATHETIC MONSTERS?

like, what would have to happen to make violent, possessive prince Lestat with unchecked power actually fun? give him a Louis who gives as good as he gets! MAKE THEM A NIGHTMARE POWER COUPLE!

SO. Prince Lestat rules over the vampire court (which I’m imagining to exist, in this world, as a whole separate functional court within but apart from human society, kind of like the HP wizarding world. Lestat took over when Akasha was defeated), and he's a swaggering violent ass. but in this universe, he's got Prince Consort Louis - who is manipulative and power-hungry, and cold-blooded where the Prince's temper runs hot. they actually have a relatively healthy relationship because Lestat knows that he'll get all the fancy clothes and parties and sex his heart desires, AND he doesn't have to deal with the boring/stressful minutiae of actually ruling, AND he gets to wear the crown... just so long as he keeps his fucking trap shut when Louis tells him. and Louis gets to run the whole show without having to do all that annoying personal stuff - which Lestat is actually very good at as he's as dumb as a bag of rocks but he just OOZES natural charisma. so Louis is effectively the Regent, whilst Lestat is the Figurehead and also strong enough to basically be the vampire equivalent of a nuclear deterrent, and they're both more than happy enough with those roles, so they're able to work together to TERRIFYING effectiveness.

this started as a pencil sketch that I drew on new year’s day, then scanned and was like “wow that looks like a lot of work I cba to colour that lmao” and then... completely abandoned so I am SO GLAD to finally have it done and out of my fucking WIP folder auughhh

#loustat #Louis de Pointe du Lac #Lestat De Lioncourt #gabrielle de lioncourt #Claudia de Lioncourt #armand #daniel molloy #mojo #vampire chronicles #aus

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the June 2021 Edition

I have read a lot of books this month. That should be stated upfront. Just an absolute metric ton of books. Some real good, some not-so good, some inadvertently hysterical. Also, I made that BINGO board. Because, like, you ever have a total crisis of writing-confidence and ignore that potential freakout and the tendency of your coworkers to miss deadlines by reading every free Amazon sports romance you can find? And several full YA series? In one month? No? My experiences are not universal, I understand. Anyway, there’s thoughts and opinions and spoilers under the cut. Everyone read the Once Upon a Con series, I’m begging you.

READ THIS SERIES! PLEASE! EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! EVERYONE IN EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! THE FANDOM STUFF DID NOT GIVE ME SECOND-HAND EMBARRASSMENT!

Geekerella by Ashley Poston Part romance, part love letter to nerd culture, and all totally adorbs, Geekerella is a fairy tale for anyone who believes in the magic of fandom. Geek girl Elle Wittimer lives and breathes Starfield, the classic sci-fi series she grew up watching with her late father. So when she sees a cosplay contest for a new Starfield movie, she has to enter. The prize? An invitation to the ExcelsiCon Cosplay Ball, and a meet-and-greet with the actor slated to play Federation Prince Carmindor in the reboot. With savings from her gig at the Magic Pumpkin food truck (and her dad’s old costume), Elle’s determined to win…unless her stepsisters get there first. Teen actor Darien Freeman used to live for cons—before he was famous. Now they’re nothing but autographs and awkward meet-and-greets. Playing Carmindor is all he’s ever wanted, but the Starfield fandom has written him off as just another dumb heartthrob. As ExcelsiCon draws near, Darien feels more and more like a fake—until he meets a girl who shows him otherwise. 

The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashley Poston Imogen Lovelace is an ordinary fangirl on an impossible mission: to save her favorite Starfield character, Princess Amara, from being killed off. On the other hand, the actress who plays Amara wouldn’t mind being axed. Jessica Stone doesn’t even like being part of the Starfield franchise—and she’s desperate to leave the intense scrutiny of fandom behind. Though Imogen and Jess have nothing in common, they do look strangely similar to one another—and a case of mistaken identity at ExcelsiCon sets off a chain of events that will change both of their lives. When the script for the Starfield sequel leaks, with all signs pointing to Jess, she and Imogen must trade places to find the person responsible. The deal: Imogen will play Jess at her signings and panels, and Jess will help Imogen’s best friend run their booth. But as these “princesses” race to find the script leaker—in each other’s shoes—they’re up against more than they bargained for. From the darker side of fandom to unexpected crushes, Imogen and Jess must find a way to rescue themselves from their own expectations...and redefine what it means to live happily ever after. 

Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston In this third book of the Once Upon a Con series, Rosie Thorne is feeling stuck—on her college application essays, in her small town, and on that mysterious General Sond cosplayer she met at ExcelsiCon. Most of all, she’s stuck in her grief over her mother’s death. Her only solace was her late mother’s library of rare Starfield novels, but even that disappeared when they sold it to pay off hospital bills. On the other hand, Vance Reigns has been Hollywood royalty for as long as he can remember—with all the privilege and scrutiny that entails. When a tabloid scandal catches up to him, he’s forced to hide out somewhere the paparazzi would never expect to find him: Small Town USA. At least there’s a library in the house. Too bad he doesn’t read. When Vance’s and Rosie’s paths collide, sparks do not fly. But as they begrudgingly get to know each other, their careful masks come off—and they may just find that there’s more risk in shutting each other out than in opening their hearts.

— I cannot possibly overstate what an absolute delight this series was. Cute and sweet and adorable. Like rot your teeth sweet with romances that my high-school self would have swooned over. (I would have been so in love with Darien Freeman as a 16 year old, it’s not even funny. Also, I would have been obsessed with Starfield.) Let’s be honest, my current self swooned quite a lot. Reading these books genuinely felt like a love letter to fandom. To the good and bad and trashy parts of it, and it made my heart swell thinking about these fictional kids and the community they found and how much they learned and then they FELL IN LOVE and, like, not to sound like an after-school special, but: THE REP IN THESE BOOKS?!?? HOLY S H I T. So good. So goddamn good. And not, like, shoved to the side. Like, Jess falls in love with a girl. And it gets its swoon-worthy moment as much as anyone else. Plus, bi-librarian dad who wears suspenders??? Sign. Me. Up. Twisting the fairy tales into the stories also worked really well in my opinion. Honestly my only gripe was that Darien found a cell phone number in the white pages, but, like, everything else was a joy. Please read these books. I promise they will make you smile.

IN WHICH I CAN NEVER TURN DOWN A BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge Betrothed to the evil ruler of her kingdom, Nyx has always known that her fate was to marry him, kill him, and free her people from his tyranny. But on her seventeenth birthday when she moves into his castle high on the kingdom's mountaintop, nothing is what she expected—particularly her charming and beguiling new husband. Nyx knows she must save her homeland at all costs, yet she can't resist the pull of her sworn enemy—who's gotten in her way by stealing her heart.

— Yo. YO. Everyone in this book was horrible! And it was wonderful! I figured out the twist approximately point two seconds after the potential for a twist was possibly introduced and it did not diminish my enjoyment of this book for one second. I am such a sucker for any Beauty and the Beast AU, but this was way different than anything I’d read before and Nyx was a blood-thirsty terror and I loved her. The magic and the world building was fascinating in that I really did not expect Greek gods and goddess, but it was also a welcome turn in a weird, huh, that’s interesting sort of way. And the banter was a-plus, top tier. Even when they were snarking at each other. Especially when they were snarking at each other. (Still a pretty quick turn from enemies to lovers, but I’m willing to overlook that based almost solely on the snark.) Plus, the castle was fascinating. And there were more twists aside from the main twist, none of which I figured out. All of which I gasped over. The end was like—chef’s kiss, fantastic. I would like a novel-length sequel to tell me how everything worked out.

...BUT THE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD ONE WASN’T AS GOOD

Crimson Bound by Rosamund Hodge When Rachelle was fifteen she was good—apprenticed to her aunt and in training to protect her village from dark magic. But she was also reckless—straying from the forest path in search of a way to free her world from the threat of eternal darkness. After an illicit meeting goes dreadfully wrong, Rachelle is forced to make a terrible choice that binds her to the very evil she had hoped to defeat.Three years later, Rachelle has given her life to serving the realm, fighting deadly creatures in a vain effort to atone. When the king orders her to guard his son Armand—the man she hates most—Rachelle forces Armand to help her hunt for the legendary sword that might save their world. Together, they navigate the opulent world of the courtly elite, where beauty and power reign and no one can be trusted. And as the two become unexpected allies, they discover far-reaching conspiracies, hidden magic . . . and a love that may be their undoing. Within a palace built on unbelievable wealth and dangerous secrets, can Rachelle discover the truth and stop the fall of endless night?

— As much as I loved Cruel Beauty, I was like ehhhh on this one. Which is part Little Red Riding Hood (although that seems like a stretch, honestly) and part The Girl With No Hands, which is a fairy tale I have literally never heard of before. Rachelle was just—sorta whiny? Which, y’know, she was cursed and had fucked up her entire life, so fair, but also...annoying. I kept reading mostly to try and understand what the FUCK was going on with the magic. I like to consider myself a relatively intelligent person who can understand most YA novels, but this one was tough to keep track of. Like, sure, the imagery of the Dark Forest was cool, but also what is a Gladspring? I’m still not sure I know. Also, this kind of dragged in some places. Lots of patrolling the palace (whining about life) and not enough magic-fighting or establishing any sort of relationship between Rachelle and Armand. Which just sort of happened? Amidst, approximately, twenty-four different twists that were admittedly cool, but also felt like they came out of nowhere. Everything that happened in Cruel Beauty made sense. Most of what happened here felt like it was shoehorned in for shock value.

YOU WANT MORAL AMBIGUITY? BOY HAVE I GOT MORAL AMBIGUITY FOR YOU. IN GODDAMN SPADES.

The Firebird Series by Claudia Gray Marguerite Caine's physicist parents are known for their groundbreaking achievements. Their most astonishing invention, called the Firebird, allows users to jump into multiple universes—and promises to revolutionize science forever. But then Marguerite's father is murdered, and the killer—her parent's handsome, enigmatic assistant Paul— escapes into another dimension before the law can touch him.Marguerite refuses to let the man who destroyed her family go free. So she races after Paul through different universes, always leaping into another version of herself. But she also meets alternate versions of the people she knows—including Paul, whose life entangles with hers in increasingly familiar ways. Before long she begins to question Paul's guilt—as well as her own heart. And soon she discovers the truth behind her father's death is far more sinister than she expected.

— Guys. GUYS. These books, oh my G O D. Little known fact about me, but I am trash for cross-dimensional soulmates. The concept of “we’ll find each other anywhere” is one of my favorites, so I was so psyched about these books. And for awhile that’s what I thought I was going to get out of them. But. BUT! What I actually got was something, not totally different, but not entirely great, either. The problem here was that when anyone used one of the Firebird devices to jump dimensions they TOOK OVER THE BODY THEY JUMPED INTO. So, like, that consciousness got shoved to the side while whatever prime!person just took over. Living that body’s life. In a different dimension. And that’s kinda fucked up, right??? Brings in all sorts of questions about consent and morality and let me tell you, guys, this YA series DID NOT ADDRESS A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Which is also super fucked up!! So, like, Marguerite is just bouncing around dimensions taking over people’s bodies and lives and leaving this, frankly, trail of destruction in her wake. And as if that wasn’t enough!!! In the second book Paul’s soul gets, like, split and she’s got to round up the pieces through dimensions, meeting all sorts of Pauls who are occasionally kind of shit people and he eventually just, like, CANNOT COPE. Seriously, I could not stop reading these. Partially for the moral ambiguity. Partially because I could not figure out why Paul loved Marguerite. Also, capitalism was the ultimate villain. AS IT SHOULD BE, REALLY.

CREEPY FAE WERE KIND OF CREEPY AND THAT’S NOT BAD, BUT LIKE MAYBE THIS WASN’T A GOOD BOOK?

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson Isobel is an artistic prodigy with a dangerous set of clients: the sinister fair folk, immortal creatures who cannot bake bread or put a pen to paper without crumbling to dust. They crave human Craft with a terrible thirst, and Isobel’s paintings are highly prized. But when she receives her first royal patron—Rook, the autumn prince—she makes a terrible mistake. She paints mortal sorrow in his eyes—a weakness that could cost him his life. Furious, Rook spirits her away to his kingdom to stand trial for her crime. But something is seriously wrong in his world, and they are attacked from every side. With Isobel and Rook depending on each other for survival, their alliance blossoms into trust, then love—and that love violates the fair folks’ ruthless laws. Now both of their lives are forfeit, unless Isobel can use her skill as an artist to fight the fairy courts. Because secretly, her Craft represents a threat the fair folk have never faced in all the millennia of their unchanging lives: for the first time, her portraits have the power to make them feel.

— I’ve seen this book mentioned a lot. As good. And it wasn’t not good, but Isobel was pretty goddamn annoying and kind of dumb and a little self-important and I was mostly here for the creepy fae. That was fun. More fae should have antlers and stuff. Everything in this story happened ridiculously fast. I couldn’t believe it was over when it was over.

THE PROSE WAS VERY PRETTY. I’M NOT SURE WHY THE DRAGON HAD TO BE SUCH A MONUMENTAL DICK.

Uprooted  by Naomi Novik Agnieszka loves her valley home, her quiet village, the forests and the bright shining river. But the corrupted Wood stands on the border, full of malevolent power, and its shadow lies over her life. Her people rely on the cold, driven wizard known only as the Dragon to keep its powers at bay. But he demands a terrible price for his help: one young woman handed over to serve him for ten years, a fate almost as terrible as falling to the Wood. The next choosing is fast approaching, and Agnieszka is afraid. She knows—everyone knows—that the Dragon will take Kasia: beautiful, graceful, brave Kasia, all the things Agnieszka isn’t, and her dearest friend in the world. And there is no way to save her. But Agnieszka fears the wrong things. For when the Dragon comes, it is not Kasia he will choose.

— Let me just say first off, that this should have been two books. Everything happened so quickly, I swear I got whiplash. That being said, as a heroine, I liked Agnieszka a lot. She was understandably freaked by everything that happened, but once she kind of settled, she didn’t take The Dragon’s shit and that was good because The Dragon was kind of shitty. This is why it should have been two books. Because everything The Dragon did felt like it needed some kind of explanation. Or at least some sort of reasoning for why he was such a monumental bastard. Which is why I was a little confused that Agnieszka was in love with him? He was such a dick, honestly. The last third or so of this book was the best because Novik really does know how to write action and the magic itself was pretty fascinating. (I wish it went into more depth, but I think I’m spoiled by fic and that’s not actually how the publishing world works.) Kasia might have been the most interesting person in this story. Girl went through it and just became a total badass. I loved her.

MARAUDER FEELINGS! MARAUDER FEELINGS! SO! MANY! MARAUDER! FEELINGS!

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater All her life, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love's death. She doesn't believe in true love and never thought this would be a problem, but as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she's not so sure anymore.

— RICHARD GANSEY, MY BELOVED. What a dweeb. A self-sacrificing, sorta sad dweeb. When he wrapped his jacket around Blue, my heart exploded. I think I spent the last fifteen or so chapters with disconcertingly wide eyes and possibly my hand over my mouth. Still not entirely sure why a Welsh king was in Virginia, but I loved it. Was real glad he was there. As promised by that one book rec list I read months ago, the Marauders vibes of these books were off the charts. It was a weird story with lots of weird things and I hope Mr. Grey gets to be happy one day and that Ronan and Adam make out some more eventually. I think they’ll both feel a lot better if they do. Like, about the world as a whole. Has anyone read the Ronan spinoff series? Should I read the Ronan spinoff series?

OK, THIS WASN’T THAT BAD, ACTUALLY

To Love Jason Thorn by Ella Maise Jason Thorn... My brother's childhood friend. Oh, how stupidly in love with that boy I was. He was the first boy that made me blush, my first official crush. Sounds beautiful so far, right? That excitement that bubbles up inside you, those famous butterflies you feel for the very first time--he was the reason for them all. But, you only get to live in that fairytale world until they crush your hopes and dreams and then stomp on your heart for good measure. And boy did he crush my little heart into pieces. After the stomping part he became the boy I did my best to stay away from--and let me tell you, it was pretty hard to do when he slept in the room right across from mine. When tragedy struck his family and they moved away, I was ready to forget he ever existed. Now he is a movie star, the one who makes women of all ages go into a screaming frenzy, the one who makes everyone swoon with that dimpled smile of his. Do you think that's dreamy? I certainly don't think so. How about me coming face to face with him? Nope still not dreamy. Not when I can't even manage to look him in the eye. Me? I'm Olive, a new writer. Actually, I'm THE writer of the book that inspired the movie he is about to star in on the big screen. As of late, I am also referred to as the oh-so-very-lucky girl who is about to become the wife of Jason Thorn. Maybe you're thinking yet again that this is all so dreamy? Nope, nothing dreamy going on here. Not even close.

— Ignoring the fact that this was almost blatant self-insert, this was a mostly good, occasionally trashy book with brother’s best friend and the one who got away tropes. Which, as we know, are my life’s blood. (Plus, surprise, fake marriage that isn’t really fake?!? Ok. OK!) My only eeek moment was when Olive got super drunk and wanted Jason to like—consummate the marriage and he was like, No Olive, you’re drunk. And then they ended up doing everything except having full-on sex, which felt a little creep and a lot sketch and then it was never mentioned again. Also, Olive needs to find some better friends, God.

EMERSON COD VOICE: HE’S STAAAAAALKING YOU

Marriage For One by Ella Maise Jack and I, we did everything backward. The day he lured me into his office-which was also the first day we met-he proposed. You'd think a guy who looked like him-a bit cold maybe, but still striking and very unattainable-would only ask the love of his life to marry him, right? You'd think he must be madly in love. Nope. It was me he asked. A complete stranger who had never even heard of him. A stranger who had been dumped by her fiancé only weeks before. You'd think I'd laugh in his face, call him insane-and a few other names-then walk away as quickly as possible. Well…I did all those things except the walking away part. It took him only minutes to talk me into a business deal…erm, I mean marriage, and only days for us to officially tie the knot. Happiest day of my life. Magical. Pop the champagne… Not. It was the worst day. Jack Hawthorne was nothing like what I'd imagined for myself. I blamed him for my lapse in judgment. I blamed his eyes, the ocean blue eyes that looked straight into mine unapologetically, and that frown on his face I had no idea I would become so fascinated with in time. It wasn't long after he said I was the biggest mistake of his life that things started to change. No, he still didn't talk much, but anyone can string a few words together. His actions spoke the loudest to me. And day after day my heart started to get a mind of its own.

— Ok, ok, ok, so I enjoyed the Jason Thorn book, right? Was, like, how bad could this other book be? And it wasn’t bad, but it was patently ridiculous. Let me explain what happened. Not entirely sorry for the spoilers. Jack the lawyer sees that Rose is only going to get the space for her coffee shop from her uncle’s will if she marries someone. She WAS engaged, but the guy split. For reasons no one can understand, especially Rose. She’s sad. She’s spent so much money on espresso machines! Enter Jack the lawyer who one random afternoon is like: HEY ROSE, YOU’RE MOSTLY A STRANGER, BUT I ALSO NEED TO GET MARRIED FOR REASONS I’LL ONLY SORTA EXPLAIN, LETS DO THAT. So they do???? And Jack the lawyer continues to be kinda weird and a little shady, but Rose has got the coffee shop and things are going well. Until! She’s got a leaky brain!!! That’s not a joke. Not a typo. Out of goddamn LEFT FIELD, Rose has got some horrible medical condition, so thank God she got married because Jack the lawyer’s got great health insurance. (this is ROMANTIC) and she’s got to have an operation and he stays with her and sleeps in the hospital chair and her coffee shop is somehow still going strong??? On Madison Avenue??? What sit-down coffee shop on Madison Avenue do you guys know that would succeed? None because it’s not downtown. I digress. Anyway, Rose makes a miraculous recovery, she and Jack the lawyer are now almost in love? At least having a shit ton of sex. They’re mostly happily married. Until, part two! The ex-fiance shows up and is like JACK THE LAWYER PAID ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. To which Rose is understandably flabbergasted. She confronts Jack the lawyer who fesses that he’s been seriously crushing on her since they met at her uncle’s Christmas party. She doesn’t remember this. He does. BECAUSE HE’S A STALKER. So, he knew about the will stipulation with marriage BACK THEN, which is why he used FIRM RESOURCES to investigate the ex-fiance and found out he was a con man, using Rose with plans to basically steal all her money. This infuriated Jack the lawyer because he thought Rose deserved better and then proceeded to basically con her himself, just in a different way. With marriage! He told her he needed to get married to show he was a family man to make partner. THAT WAS A LIE. He didn’t need it at all. He just—wanted to marry her??? To help her??? What a psycho. She leaves. He continues to lurk outside the coffee shop. They make up. No one mentions the stalking. The end.

I KEEP GIVING HELENA SECOND CHANCES AND SHE KEEPS...NOT DESERVING THEM

All In Series by Helena Hunting Sometimes I need an escape from the demands, the puck bunnies, and the notoriety that come with being an NHL team captain. I just want to be a normal guy for a few weeks. So when I leave Chicago for some peace and quiet, the last thing I expect is for a gorgeous woman to literally fall into my lap on a flight to Alaska. Even better, she has absolutely no idea who I am.Lainey is the perfect escape from my life. My plan for seclusion becomes a monthlong sex fest punctuated with domestic bliss. But it ends just as abruptly as it began. When I’m called away on a family emergency, I realize too late that I have no way to contact Lainey.A year later, a chance encounter throws Lainey and me together again. But I still have a lie hanging over my head, and Lainey’s keeping secrets of her own. With more than lust at stake, the truth may be our game changer.

— Last year I read a hockey romance by Helena Hunting that was very cute and traditionally published and she’s got a bunch more free Amazon books that, for some reason, I keep downloading and reading and they continue to be absolutely ridiculous. That first one was a not-so-secret accidental pregnancy (as previously discussed ONE TIME without a condom mention and bam pregnant) but the second one with Rook’s sister was actually pretty cute. I’m not sure why they all called him Rook. Almost all these series have at least one book with someone recovering from an injury and they inevitably fall in love with their physical therapist. So, that one was pretty ok. None of these, however, were quite as entertaining as (wait for it) QUEENIE AND KINGSTON. WHOSE FRIENDS AND TEAMMATES ALL CALL HIM KING. QUEENIE. AND. KING. Gag. I read it anyway. At least 99% of that decision was based solely on the fact that the story started just after King found out his sister was actually his mom. How am I supposed to stop reading THAT?!? I ask you. Highlights of Queenie and King’s romance included: him calling his mom/sister MOMSTER, Queenie being secretly married this whole time, WITHOUT KNOWING IT, his strawberry allergy that flared up because she’d had a strawberry milkshake and then GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB, her dad finding out they were dating because he was the GM of the team and saw that his starting goalie was having a MASSIVE allergic reaction, Queenie’s eventual ex-husband getting engaged to someone who previously tried to self-inseminate to trap Rook into a relationship (I am not making this up, I swear) and then when he found out that his fiancee’s kid wasn’t actually his, he got into a massive fight and earned a 20-game suspension. THAT’S A QUARTER OF AN NHL SEASON. Tom Wilson got fined five thousand dollars for practically killing Artemi Panarin on the ice! I did not read the last book in this series because it was MORE ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY and because it was Queenie’s dad and King’s mom and that meant they’d share a sibling. Which is where I draw the line, guys.

THERE WERE SEVEN BOOKS IN THIS SERIES! EVERY SINGLE ONE HAD TO HAVE A SCENE WHERE THE DUDE UNDERSTOOD THAT PERIODS WERE A THING???? LIKE THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE SOMEHOW?!?!

Hot Jocks Series by Kendall Ryan I've never been so stupid in my entire life. My teammate's incredibly sweet and gorgeous younger sister should have been off-limits, but my hockey stick didn't get that memo. After our team won the championship, and plenty of alcohol, our flirting turned physical and I took her to bed. Shame sent her running the next morning from our catastrophic mistake. She thinks I don't remember that night—but every detail is burned into my brain so deeply, I’ll never forget. The feel of her in my arms, the soft whimpers of pleasure I coaxed from her perfect lips…And now I’ve spent three months trying to get her out of my head. Which has been futile, because I’m starting to understand she’s the only girl I’ll ever want. I have one shot to show her I can be exactly what she needs, but Elise won’t be easily convinced. That’s okay, because I’m good under pressure, and this time, I’m playing for keeps.

—I read all of these. All. Of. Them. They were exceptionally quick reads. Every single one had a copious amount of sex in it and a very weird, apparently required scene, where the dude had to be like I’M NOT SQUICKED OUT BY PERIODS AM I NOT THE ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF MASCULINITY?? My favorite one was Grant and Ana’s, though, because it was so goddamn absurd I cannot believe someone wrote it. Basic gist was that Ana was dating someone on Grant’s team (he’s the captain, natch) but the guy was a dick and abusive and so one night Ana decides to leave, but she needs someone to help her and WHO DOES SHE TURN TO??? That’s right, reclusive captain Grant. Who’s spent the last few years watching his teammates marry-up and start families and he’s so jealous, but he can’t say anything because he’s a stoic MAN™. So he takes Ana and her dog (of course she’s got a dog) back to his super swanky bachelor pad and she just sort of...stays there? Video of the boyfriend accosting her at her job gets leaked and the boyfriend gets sent to the AHL which is not really how it would work, but fine. Naturally, Grant and Ana hook up. It’s emotional. Vaguely romantic. There’s no GODDAMN CONDOM. So, she gets pregnant. But, of course. Except! She doesn’t know if it’s dick boyfriend’s or Grant’s. Because he’s the male lead in a free sports romance on Amazon, Grant is the MOST understanding. He wants to help Ana. He would like to continue having sex with Ana. This is ready-made happily ever after. Only Ana’s like...eh?? She doesn’t want it to look like she bounced from one hockey player to the next, but also she sorta did and she kept telling Grant she just wanted to be friends, only to have sex, like, three chapters later. Then she just moved out! Just moved out. Seven months pregnant. Moving out. With her dog. Of course, this is a free sports romance on Amazon, so eventually she moved back in with Grant. Once she realized independence wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And because he left practice to be there when she had the baby. Oh! And she got a DNA test after. To see whose kid it was. Grant ripped that ‘ish up. Just ripped it up. Which is cool, I guess. But, like, you didn’t want to double check? What if that kid has to go to the hospital? Did she put Grant’s name on the birth certificate? What are his parental rights?? Anyway, they’re all set to live HEA when....THE DICK BOYFRIEND DIES. Straight up. No explanation. Nothing. Just Grant tells Ana he’s dead, she’s like, oh wow that’s sad, they send some flowers to the funeral and that’s THAT. I assume this was to close any potential plot holes on the father of this baby, but it was hysterical and I cannot stop thinking about it. Strangely enough, the one where the couple made a secret sex tape in college and then got back together because it got released may have been the healthiest relationship in this series.

#book recs #book rec #book reccs #laura reads books #welllp these are books #i will not apologize for that bingo board #i think this is a highlight of accomplishments #like for me personally