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honeyedlashton · 3 years

Text

Leave Your Mark With Every Bite

Words: 2,949

Warnings: smut, also general anxiousness and anxiety around this whole thing.

Ship: Lashton (I’m so sorry I’m in a mood to write them half broken up)

A/N: this idea hit me in the shower, and I don’t know why I felt the compulsive need to make these two be trainwrecks, but, fuck am I here for it. I need angsty Lashton cause I’ve written too much fluff. So here you go. Here’s some “we shouldn’t be doing this,” for reasons I’ll leave open to interpretation. (I have a few in mind but, not everyone agrees with my sentiments, so I don’t wanna step on toes.) So take it as you will, here’s this toxic ass version of their relationship.

——————————————————————————

“i need to see u”

The white letters on the blue bubble stood out. The first non-grey text in a week. Luke shook reading it over. He shook even worse seeing the three little grey dots pop up on the opposite side of the screen.

It was a long time. Too long watching the graceful bouncing of the oversized ellipses. Their grace did nothing to soothe Luke’s mind. It had to have been a full minute l before those grey dots turned into: “On my way now...”

Luke could only guess the horrible things Ashton had erased. It was implied through the passive punctuation. And not for the first time this hour, he felt guilty.

He sat on his couch and hugged his knees to his chest, he was wrapped in his big white hoodie. He was safe, but not really. He was still shaking and racing a million miles a minute.

He found doing nothing made the seconds feel twice as long. So he fidgeted with his guitar. Not really playing anything, just giving his hands something to do. Anything to keep him from thinking too hard about what he was doing. Or why he was feeling guilty at all. He knew he was in the right, so why did he feel so horrible about it?

Eleven minutes was all it took. Enough time to send Luke into multiple spirals, and enough time for Ashton to arrive.

Luke saw the lights in the driveway, and practically threw his guitar out of his lap getting up to race out the door. He grabbed his keys as he left.

It was one of those peculiar times in the mid-spring where it rained in L.A.

Luke didn’t slow down, running up to the passenger door and got inside, barely looking at the illuminated figure that was warm and dry and staring back at him. Music played softly through the speakers, some melancholy soundtrack that seemed to match his mood perfectly. Luke buckled in before either of them could say anything. “Let’s just...drive,” Luke managed after a second, finally looking over at Ashton.

Finally. The interior lights had switched off, but the dashboard’s white lights on the dials made Ashton’s cheek and jawline stand out as he looked back at Luke. Glasses on, hair soft. He looked like the boy Luke loved so much.

He suddenly wanted to cry.

“Okay,” Ashton nodded, and reversed back out of the driveway. Silent and stoic. Two things Luke knew Ashton rarely was. Tonight was the exception.

The roads were almost empty, but not. Empty for L.A. Empty for 2 am on a fresh Friday. Empty for a pandemic. But not really empty at all. Luke could barely hear the music over the sound of the rain and the engine and the road, but it didn’t bother him. Being surrounded by these familiar things—Ashton’s leather seats, the smell of his air freshener, the smell of him—made Luke feel safe in a way the hoodie just couldn’t.

“Do you hate me?” Luke asked after they’d turned out of his suburbs.

Ashton scoffed in a way that showed real amusement. “Of course I don’t hate you. Whether the feeling is mutual or not’s the real question, though.”

Luke didn’t answer for a second. “I want to. I wish I could.”

Ashton nodded like he’d been expecting that answer, and just drove on at a green light.

“Don’t be worried.” Luke knew he was, “there’s still lots of love keeping me from thinking about it too hard.”

“Where am I driving us?” Ashton asked, even though he had already made a few of the decisions already.

“Beach.”

Ashton’s expression didn’t change, and he just drove on.

“I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?” Ashton asked.

“Not answer me,” Luke huffed, and realized only before Ashton looked at him just how hypocritical he sounded. “I have an excuse...”

Ashton sighed. “I know...”

“I don’t wanna talk about that,” Luke grumbled. “Any of this shit. I texted you for a reason you know.”

“Why did you text me?” He didn’t sound hostile, just tired.

“I miss you.”

Almost like that was what he had been waiting for, Ashton’s hand dropped from the steering wheel and reached for Luke’s in his lap. His fingers were chilly from the air conditioner, but then again so we’re Luke’s. He pressed their palms together like Ashton was a lifeline. He felt his angst deflate in his chest. And he even reached to turn up the radio.

Its about a forty minute drive to the beach, and Luke knew this before asking. But he needed to see something other than his house, and right now, everything looked better than that. But the ocean was the only thing Luke loved to look at. Even at night, even in the rain.

The horizon was vast and open. The gradient of dark grey above faded to light grey as the clouds above hit nearly pitch black water. Ashton parked in front of it. An empty parking lot overlooking the grand beach. Their spot.

As soon as Ashton’s car was in park Luke nearly jumped into his arms, without words, without unbuckling. His lips found Ashton’s in the dim light, and Ashton’s didn’t shy away. All that was on his mind at that moment was savoring the feeling. The taste. The idea of having him this close. His Ashton.

Ashton only broke their kiss after a second to cut off the headlights and unbuckle his seatbelt. “Luuu...” Ashton groaned. “What are we doing?”

“Anything you’ll let me do,” Luke whined against his lips, unhappy that they kept getting interrupted.

“Not what I mean,” Ashton murmured.

Luke knew that, by the way he pulled away as he spoke.

“Luke...” Ashton urged.

“Please...” Luke whined looking at Ashton’s silhouette in the dark. Without any lights in the car, or streetlights around, it was hard to see anything at all. “Please, don’t ruin it. I need you...” tears pricked his eyes as he spoke, and he felt the lump rise in his throat.

And whether Ashton could see Luke’s eyes water in the dark, or he decided to give in, Ashton met Luke’s passion with a vengeance.

Luke felt Ashton’s nimble fingers fidget clumsily with Luke’s seatbelt buckle before he felt himself finally free from it. He wasted no time climbing over Ashton’s lap. It was awkward, it hurt his knees, but, god...he needed this, and he wasn’t talking himself out of it. He wasn’t letting Ashton talk him out out of it. He deserved to be reckless.

Ashton’s lips broke away from his and he immediately wanted to cry again, till he felt soft open lips pressed to that sweet spot on Luke’s neck. Hot and dizzying and stirring his nerves into a frenzy. He sighed with his eyes going out of focus. “Oh, Ash...” he whispered.

The prickle of Ashton’s stubble poked at Luke’s neck, and it jolted him in ways his own facial hair couldn’t. Luke found his hands tangled in the soft black curls. Even though he couldn’t see them, he’d remembered how fluffy it had been. He smelled like his shampoo and conditioner. He melted a little more at the familiarity, and tugged the locks in his fists.

“Fuck,” Ashton hissed. His arms tightened around Luke’s waist, and hands ghosted over his round bum in his shorts.

“Fuck me,” Luke whimpered, but he knew Ashton must have been expecting it. “Right here. I don’t care. I need you. I’m sorry.” Every sentence punctuated an inhale or exhale.

Ashton was seemingly two steps ahead, maneuvering the seat back, and Luke down with him. “I thought you’d never ask...” he leaned up to chase Luke’s lips again, which were happy to find his. Eager even. Just like Luke’s hands were to find the zipper of Ashton’s jeans.

Luke hadn’t fucked in a car very many times in his life, but he’d done it enough to know how to slide his partner’s pants down without moving more than necessary. It was a skill he was proud of. It was a skill he showcased now.

They were ill-prepared for this task. No lube. Just a condom in Ashton’s wallet and hopefully enough combined spit to not split Luke in half.

He wore his hoodie, while his shorts wadded uncomfortably around only one of his knees, as it pressed into the seatbelt buckle on Ashton’s side. But Luke wasn’t picky—at least he refused to be right now.

He felt high. He felt drunk. He felt relieved to kiss Ashton and feel his kiss back. He’d spent nights dreaming of being this close again, but only after the thousands of daydreams of killing him faded with the sunset.

Luke pushed back on Ashton’s three fingers. Eager. Hungry for touch. Hungry for only Ashton’s touch.

And just like he’d hoped, Ashton reminded him of that. “Missed me so much...couldn’t stand to be away from daddy could you?”

Luke shook his head. “Uh-uh,” he blushed across his nose. He was finally getting stimulation and degradation. It was basically the perfect day, minus his anxiousness. “Needed daddy. M-missed him so much...”

Ashton purred softly and kissed behind Luke’s ear. The heat ran directly down Luke’s spine and pooled in his tummy. “Well, daddy’s right here. Gonna fill you up and make you forget all about it,” he scissored his fingers one last time, before pulling out.

Luke whined, feeling empty and cold again, but that was only before Ashton placed the familiar thick tip against him. He practically rolled his eyes back like he hadn’t felt it in months. And officially he hadn’t...but if shit like this counted... well, then that was a different answer.

He rocked his hips back against Ashton, and panted, “please, please,” he whimpered and begged. “I’ll be so good. I promise...”

“‘Please, please’ what, baby? What are you asking for?” Ashton’s voice dripped with condescension, and Luke knew the week of leaving Ashton on read was coming back to haunt him.

“Your c-cock...” Luke hiccuped. “Need it...”

“Well you got it right there, sweetheart. What more could you want?”

“Want it inside me. Want you inside, right now...”

“Yeah? You sure you don’t wanna think about it some more? Don’t wanna make me wait a little longer?”

“Nuh-Uh...” Luke shook his head rapidly. “Just want you inside me, please...”

Ashton wasn’t a torturer, and Luke knew that. He wasn’t one to make Luke beg too much when he was this distraught. So he pushed up into him at that last “please” and Luke had to struggle to catch his breath.

“Oh! Mmm!” He gasped and furrowed his brows. Ashton’s hands splayed large and steady over part of Luke’s bum and the small of his back, as if guiding him to move. As if Luke needed the help.

“Goddamnit...” Ashton gulped and, Luke’s eyes must have adjusted to the complete dark, cause he could see a little shape of Ashton’s jaw, as he tossed his head back. “Why the fuck did I ever agree to let you go?”

“Shhh, daddy...” Luke whispered and kissed at Ashton’s cheek, when he thought he was aiming for his lips again. “Don’t ruin it...”

Ashton only seemed to get worse then. He gripped Luke’s skin under the hoodie, to the point it felt like he’d bruise. “Then remind me whose pussy this is...” Ashton growled, crashing his hips up against Luke’s small circular movements.

Luke felt it brush against his spot, only that once. And then he was left to chase it on his own again. The whine he’d let out was pathetic. And it didn’t answer Ashton’s question at all.

“Huh?” Ashton smacked his bum, and the clap of skin on skin stung in their ears only briefly since the car absorbed so much sound. “Tell me...”

“Yours, daddy...” Luke whined, cheeks hot.

“My what? Use your words”

“Your pussy. It belongs to you...” Luke hiccuped without remorse.

Ashton snapped his hips up again and Luke felt the white heat rush all over his body. Luke chased it, throwing his hips down like he couldn’t take it anymore.

Ashton panted out moans and crashed their lips together. All lips and teeth and tangling tongues in the darkness, but it was heat. And it felt and smelled and sounded like Ashton, so Luke would take everything he could.

He whined into the kiss, his body basically overheating the closer he got. The music on the radio subsumed the random thoughts in Luke’s head, at least the only ones not actively chasing release. His legs ached, his body felt ridged and achy, but he didn’t stop.

And all at once he didn’t remember the bad shit. He didn’t remember the problems or the reason they were forced apart. All there was, was them both holding each other for all of eternity.

“You’re slacking,” Ashton growled though his breaths were short, “pick up the pace, princess.”

Luke whined and dug down to do it despite the protest in his thighs. Because in reality, he loved when Ashton pushed him. He craved the approval too much to protest. “M trying,” he pouted.

“Well do better. You asked for daddy’s cock, so at least act like you want it.”

Luke blushed and slammed his hips down and he could tell by the way Ashton sighed he did perfectly right. “That’s more like it...” he purred. “That’s the little bunny I know...”

Luke hugged Ashton’s shoulders and buried himself further into his neck. Panting the warm heat of Ashton’s cologne and his own breath recycled back at him till it was suffocating. “There! There!” He clung to him with a desperate whine, nosing behind his ear. He wanted complete closeness. If he could press their chests within each other and wrap Ashton’s ribs around his, he would. And Ashton hugged him back just as feverishly.

The tidal wave of orgasm hit him hot and fast. And Ashton seemed to notice before any words could tumble out of his mouth. He was already kissing at Luke’s jaw. “Cum, baby. It’s okay...” he murmured against his skin. Luke melted into that, spilling all over his tummy under his hoodie with a pathetic whine. And then it was Ashton’s turn to groan and cum between pants of pleasure and heat exhaustion.

The rain had picked up at some point in their throes, and now drummed down on the car with loud taps. The radio seemed quiet by comparison. Only their heavied breaths really stood a chance against the backdrop of sound.

“Lu...” Ashton whispered after they had calmed, their bodies still pressed together in a lovers embrace.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

It hurt to hear. But Luke knew it would have hurt him more not to hear it.

“I love you, too...”

Ashton sighed like he’d deflated and shifted under Luke. It took every ounce of strength the blonde boy had to push himself away from Ashton so he could sit the seat back up.

“We have to stop doing this,” Ashton said softly. Not reprimanding him. He got a napkin from the glove compartment and lifted Luke’s hoodie to clean him up. It was like clockwork. Luke came to expect that phrase now after meeting up in secret.

“I know.”

“I have to stop saying yes. But you’re so easy to give into,” Ashton pouted.

“I know.”

“We have to be—.”

“Please don’t say it,” Luke pleaded, and the tears he’d been pushing down welled up again. “Please. I don’t want you to talk about it, I don’t wanna think about it. I just want you, and I don’t want to think about the consequences of my goddamn actions for once! Please...I already know. So will you just hold me and tell me everything’s going to be okay without taking it back?” The rain of Luke’s tears fell down his cheeks and landed somewhere into the void of darkness.

“Okay...”

“Okay. Because I love you, and I hate you. And I can’t let you go...” he sobbed into Ashton’s neck. He wasn’t too surprised to feel Ashton’s arms wrap around him. They always did when Luke was in pain. Even when they were the two most opposed people on the planet.

Luke found it so annoying.

But he just hugged Ashton closer, crying harder. “I wish you hated me. I wish we could break it off and go our separate ways for good.”

Ashton pet his hair, and it annoyed him more.

“Don’t you think I’ve been a bitch? Aren’t you mad at me?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not. I’m worried. I want you. I wish that we didn’t have to—. I wish things were different.”

The problem was, Luke could tell that Ashton was telling the truth. And it hurt even worse. “Well wishing isn’t gonna make it any better.” He stared at the foggy windows. “Let’s stay here tonight. I can’t sleep without you.” He admitted petulantly. Like a kid in time out.

Ashton cut off the car at that, and held Luke close. “Then we’ll stay...”

Luke unsurprisingly only thought about the consequences that would lie in wait for them tomorrow, but for now he was safe. And warm. And familiar. And coming down from so many intense emotions that he just didn’t care. He let them drift off with every flourish of Ashton’s feather light touch on his back.

“Don’t ever let this moment end.” Luke whispered into the gentle thrum of Ashton’s pulse as he faded into sleep. And he knew if Ashton really loved him he’d lie.

And right before the tendrils of sleep took him under, he heard the gentle confirmation in two words:

“Never ever.”

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