#I understand being uncomfy but at the end of the day strangers are not responsible for things like this

[albatris]

For the OC ask: 🎭, 🌋!

thanks for the ask!! :D pulling out the random number generator again with results of............. Tris and Jacob, a fun pair for these questions

🎭 - Does your OC show different sides of themselves to different people?

nah, Tris doesn't, he's just the same Tris in any scenario I think :P I think he does vaguely understand why you might have different "faces" you wear depending on what sort of context you're in, like whether it's friends or workmates or strangers, but it's not something he can easily replicate himself and he's quite uncomfy with the idea of feeling ingenuine (ungenuine? not genuine?) n like

well, he kind of already struggles enough in social scenarios in trying to appear open and engaging, knowing what facial expressions to use or how to speak, I think the idea of trying to introduce different "personas" is something that would be difficult for him to grasp

Jacob though, yeah, he's got loads of different personas lmao. a side effect of being a chronic people pleaser is he's always trying to act in whatever way he thinks others will respond best to, n he's very good at mirroring others and tweaking his personality to fit whatever crowd he's in

it can be super helpful! it means he's very adaptable and also, I think a degree of being able to change the way you act from context to context is quite healthy and expected in life. I think the fact that Jacob hasn't got a real stable sense of identity means he can take it to the extreme though, he often subconsciously adopts the personality traits of those around him, n sometimes lands in uncomfortable situations or contexts where he's sacrificing his own needs or values because he's trying to fit in and be liked

also fun fact Jacob Greer + mirrors is just a Whole Thing in ATDAO

but yes I think for this question Jacob and Tris are on opposite ends of the scale, probably

🌋 - What’s your OCs temper like? Are they a slow boil, or an instant explosion?

ah, both of them are extremely slow boils, if you could even call it a boil at all :P lukewarm at best, I think

the idea of expressing A Single Negative Emotion is completely and totally horrifying to both of them, they never had any safe space to work through these feelings or express them, basically in order to survive their Nightmare House they had to internalise a LOT and just remain completely passive and accommodating at all times

n I think both of their default responses to experiencing A Single Negative Emotion Towards Someone Else is “ah, I’m sure this is actually my fault somehow”

but yeah one thing for Tris is that he doesn't express a lot of outward emotion, just like, in general? so changes in facial expression n voice n body language, these don’t come naturally to him at all, regardless of whether he’s happy or upset, which leads a lot of people to assume he’s fairly emotionally uninvolved in life or doesn’t have feelings

so like. from an outside perspective? Tris has nothing going on

most of the people who are close to him (with some notable exceptions) know this is not accurate, and will take his word for it when he describes his emotional state regardless of whether it “matches” his outward expression, but anger is of Particular Difficulty for him to the point where at one stage Noa theorises that he’s completely incapable of feeling it ‘cause he just...................... Will Not talk about it under any circumstances. n like

oh, he’s got some anger for sure, but I don’t think he even recognises it as Anger, and he’s so used to shutting it down that it hardly ever occurs to him that he’s allowed to feel it or that he might be feeling it. like I said in a previous answer, he usually has to take some form of cue from someone else that he's supposed to be angry about things, it’s really not on his radar

and Jacob is just................................. look, his default setting is trying to appease other people and make them like him, I don’t want to use the word “doormat” but like................ hm. he’s reeaaaally not good at Taking Up Emotional Real Estate and would rather die than express any negative feeling whatsoever

like the idea of sharing his feelings with another human person and ~burdening~ them with his woeful thoughts is terrifying enough as it is, and similar to Tris, he doesn’t really feel like he’s “allowed” to take up that sort of space or ask for anyone’s time like that........ and the idea of being visibly angry AT another human person? the idea that he can say to someone that he’s upset with them because they overstepped a boundary or they hurt him or whatever??? I think he would fucking die on the spot

so no, I think for both of them anger takes a very very very very very long time to build, and it hardly ever Actually Escapes

anyway this got way ramblier than I expected yeehaw thanks for reading have a nice day

#jfictitional #long post #lmao sorry #atdao

[curanonemu]

ateez soulmates au | choi jongho

✧ Shared Dreams AU ✧

tags/warnings/notes: jongho's pov, lowkey mega angst, happy ending (i promise), but reader's in a coma for some time so PLEASE BE WARNED (and take care of yourself, DON'T read if you're uncomfy)

Happy birthday to one Choi Jongho, and a mega thank you to one Dee as always for being deelightful

word count: 3,156

enjoy!! ♡ (as much as y'all can "enjoy" angst anyway lol)

He's in the same place, they're both there again. Long, sprawling hills, sky a light rosy hue, grass stretching on endlessly, it all melts into one vague blur as he tries to focus further; Jongho can't make out anything else.

Except you.

You're standing in front of him, just like always, with all his focus on you, and he looks at your outstretched hand. It's inviting, incredibly so, along with the smile that plays on your face, and Jongho feels uncharacteristically shy.

Your smile grows wider and you wiggle your fingers as he purses his lips, and he pretends that the tinge on his face is due to the light from some distant star that he can't possibly name.

He huffs lowly, before stepping forward and grabbing your hand. It's soft, warm against his own and Jongho can feel the warmth spreading upwards, his arm tingling. Hand in hand, they walk together, over the grass which seems to never end, and he wonders just how long he's been walking with you in this place which he's never seen, yet knows inexplicably better than even his home.

He wonders how he knows you, when he's never met you. His waking moments are spent pondering upon that very question.

Eventually, you halt, and Jongho looks at you questioningly. He follows your gaze to see a picnic blanket and basket laid out under a tree. It all seems to have appeared out of thin air. The tree hadn't been there a moment back, either.

"Why are we here?" He wants to ask, but the words don't leave his mouth. He's not sure he'd be able to let out any sound even if he tried.

You turn to him, eyes sparkling, and Jongho feels a surge of affection within. Your grip on his hand tightens, and you start walking again, eagerly dragging him and he lets himself get carried forward.

You slip your hand out of his only to sit down on the blanket, and he falters for a moment, not sure if he should join you before deciding that, yes, he should.

You spend the next few minutes looking around, gesturing animatedly to things that keep popping out of nowhere, soft petals raining down, butterflies, a few stray leaves. And Jongho spends all that time looking at you, looking at the way your hair falls slightly into your eyes despite your numerous efforts to push it away, looking at the way the corners of your eyes crinkle when you smile just the slightest. He wants to touch your face, feel it with his hands even as he commits it all to memory, and he's about to indulge himself.

His fingertips land on your cheek, and he finds himself in his room again, eyes fluttering open as he's ripped out of his dream.

He's quiet for a moment, before he exhales, disappointed. It's always at the crucial moments that he's woken up.

He didn't always dream of you. There was a time when he slept through nights dreamlessly, or dreamt of things that he can't even remember anymore. He did dream of a stranger during the day, the rare times when he napped. But it stopped around three years back.

Since then, his nights have been full of dreams of you, and when he's too tired during the day, his naps are devoid of dreams, or his dreams; devoid of you. He wonders why the pattern has been reversed.

Shutting his eyes for some more moments yields no result. Resigned, he pulls himself out of his bed, deciding to go through his day instead.

The next seventeen or so hours are pretty much uneventful, till he gets into bed at around midnight.

-

He's in the same place. But you're not.

He tosses and turns in his sleep, eyebrows knitted even has he continues to slumber, and it's only when the early morning sun shines through his window that his eyes open. For the first time in ages, he's woken up not because he can't be with you any longer, but because he just couldn't find you.

Elsewhere, in a hospital, the doctors declare you to be in a state of coma.

-

He's been walking for hours now, reaching the same place over and over again before a new path opens up, only for him to arrive at his initial position. He's never been here before, branches drooping with leaves frosted over as the trees cast dark shadows on the ground. It's cold, incredibly so and he wonders exactly how much longer he'll be here, how many weeks he must spend here before the figurative snow thaws, the sun comes up and flowers bloom again.

He's tired. Lonely. It feels like he's looking for something, and at moments he feels like he's almost found it, but then he turns back, or hurries over the hills to where he expects to find it, but there's nothing. There's not a trace of what he wants, and he's starting to believe that his mind is playing tricks on him.

Perhaps the place had always looked like this, but he'd just never paid enough attention to notice it. Not when he had you next to him, smiling like a ray of light in a place so lonely without you. Where was the pink sky, the flowers which floomed and the fluttering butterflies?

Where were you?

It's been days since he last saw you.

Jongho is scared.

Thankfully, he doesn't have to wait for long. He stirs as his slumber breaks, and he wakes up, ready to face another day with nothing more than emotional exhaustion and a glaring lack of your presence.

-

One of his co-workers is in the hospital in the next district because of some issues, and Jongho gets roped into visiting him. He's still worried and more than a little upset about the lack of his favourite person in his dreams, but when everyone requests it of him, he can't refuse. He doesn't really have a valid reason that he can give, anyway. "Sorry, the person of my dreams is missing and it sets me on edge," isn't really something he can say with a straight face.

He takes the train to the district, then walks from the station to the hospital. He already has a map, and with the help of a few kind strangers, it isn't long before he reaches his destination. Relieved, he looks around for a moment. For a hospital, the place sure looks uplifting. Maybe it's because of the small flowers and leaves adorning the sidewalk, shucked off from the trees as their branches sway in the wind. Yeah, that's really not how he remembers other hospitals.

He enters, asking the receptionist for directions and she gives him a pass, allowing him to go up to the floor where his co-worker's room is situated.

Jongho spends the next few minutes making small talk with the other man, and he thanks him, laughing awkwardly. He's not too banged up, and he even says so, nervously admitting that the other person involved in the accident suffered way more. Jongho still eyes the casts on his leg and shoulder skeptically, and his co-worker waves off the look with his free hand. "You should see the other person. For real. I'd feel better if you went and visited them. I can't move yet so I've not gone, and I get the feeling their family won't be too happy to see me. But please go and visit them for me, Jongho-ssi."

Jongho sighs. Nothing to be done when an injured person asks something of him. He ends up nodding, and bowing one last time as he leaves the room. He goes back to the front desk, smiling at the receptionist innocently and asking where the other accident survivor is. They've survived, surely?

It's only when he's in front of the ICU that he understands what his co-worker meant. Yeah, compared to broken bones, a coma is far worse.

And the only reason Jongho's allowed to enter the room is because the patient's parents all but push him in. They seem to recognise him for some unknown reason, and he understands soon enough, when he's in the room, in front of the patient.

The person who's been missing from his dreams has manifested themselves in the real world, lying on the hospital bed with equipment supporting them.

He stares, a bit stunned and a lot light-headed, at the person who lies on the bed.

It's you.

You, with your face which he's always wanted to touch, caress with his hands, and your hands which he's always held while walking with you to the ends of the world. They're stretched out at your side, and his own hands twitch in response to the memories that resurface. With your hair flared out on the white pillow, akin to a halo as it frames your head, you look a little like an angel.

Just like in his dreams.

Yet, you're totally different from his dreams.

You're pale, unnaturally so, with the IV stuck into your hand delivering weird, concerning but essential things into you. Your face looks peaceful, but it doesn't have the radiance that it possesses in Jongho's deeams, and his heart clenches painfully in his rib cage.

Is this why he's not seen you in his dreams recently? He realises it's been a week and two days now, around the same time when his co-worker got into the accident. No wonder you've not had time to jump into his dreams when you're fighting to just have some of your own.

He turns, unable to look at you and his met with your parents' eyes. "How'd you know it's me?" He asks, because it's the only thing he can bring himself to utter.

One of them pulls out a folded piece of paper, unfolding it before his eyes as he stares. It's a sketch of his own face, and Jongho's eyebrows raise in surprise. "You're the child's favourite thing to draw."

Jongho leaves the room after that, throat too tight to want to stay there; not when your parents looked like they were just waiting for him to get out so they could cry again.

He just goes back once to see his co-worker, asking them where he was when the accident happened. Jongho needs to extend his trip to this district, and he's okay with it. With that in mind, he gets out of the hospital and hails a taxi for his destination.

It's just an old roadside market, set up against a row of residential buildings. He sits down on the steps leading up to one of the shops, and waits.

There's nothing out of the ordinary. At first glance, anyway. But the longer he stays there, the more convinced he gets that something is unusual about the place. He feels goosebumps on his arms as the wind blows, the evening getting colder as the sun sets, nighttime setting in and clouds floating by, obstructing stars periodically. He leans against the wall, watching as the shops shut down one by one, and it's only when the owner of the shop he's using as shelter looks at him impatiently that Jongho gets up and forces himself to walk.

He's going to look for you as long as you need him to.

He walks past a narrow alleyway, and for a moment it feels like the air gets especially warm, then back to the biting cold that's settling into Jongho's bones through his thin shirt.

He turns around, and the urge to go backwards gets even stronger, pulling at his gut and making his feet carry him in front of the alleyway again. But something stops him from going inside. It's like an invisible wall in front of him obstructing him from entering the darkness.

And then he's reminded of his home, his parents, his life that he's almost put on hold to chase the unreasonable thoughts in his head.

He turns around, irritated at himself, and walks down the dimly lit road, all the while cursing his inability to do anything. But what can he even do? He's barely even an adult.

Should he take the train back home? That'll be inconvenient, his mind provides, and he's ashamed to admit that he thinks that only because he doesn't want to be away from you. The next moment he berates himself for being ashamed. So what if he wants to be near you? Jongho is entitled to want to be close to you; you're his soulmate for god's sake. He shakes his head, walks till he reaches the busy roads again, specifically the one where the hospital is situated.

In a split-second decision, he enters the building opposite to the hospital, and sets out all the money that he has onto the counter. Hotel rooms for one night are surprisingly not that expensive.

He makes a call to his parents, lying through his teeth about meeting up with a friend and crashing at his house, and the second he's in his room, he flops down on the bed. When his head hits the pillow, it's only a matter of seconds before he's pulled under his dreams.

-

He's in the same place, branches drooping even as the trees shed more of their leaves, sky greying, and Jongho walks briskly, trying not to focus on the cold ground under his shoes which makes his feet the slightest bit numb. He's going in circles again, almost, over one hill and then the next, and reaching the first again by some forsaken chance. And he's starting to get tired. He wants to get away.

Nevertheless, there's something crawling up his spine, whispering into his ear, goading him and he wants to prove to it that he can stay here.

And so he does, trying to entertain himself with memories of you as he walks around the desolate land.

He remembers your face. How it'd looked in the hospital as you lied still, unaware of the rest of the world. How it'd looked in his dreams, when your eyes had been trained solely on him. Or how it'd looked when you were looking at something other than him, eyes lighting up in excitement and interest.

He remembers your hands. How they'd looked, still and unmoving, and how they'd felt when they were in his own, fingers intertwined with yours.

He remembers how he'd thought you looked like an angel in the room with so much white. He thinks of how you always look like an angel, even with the brightest of colours that'd painted their world of dreams.

Cold or not, dull, hopeless or not, endlessly repetitive or not, he just wants to walk with you. In this place, and in the place that he used to inhabit with you. And in the world where you're separated from each other by the distance of a mere district. In the world where he's alive and breathing, and you're monitored by doctors trying to save you. Where he's standing next to you, watching you while you've escaped to some place far away from your mind.

He calls out your name for the first time, letting it echo in the place. To think that he even knows your name now, but you don't know his fills him with a sense of urgency.

He calls out again, louder this time, letting the sound travel farther.

Like the flame of a candle growing against winds that try to put it out, he sees your figure in the distance, staring back at him with emotions in your eyes that he cannot decipher.

He almost trips over his feet as he hurries over to you, afraid that it's but a mirage, a figment of his imagination that's crying from your absence. But as he draws closer, you don't disappear; your presence just gets stronger till he can feel you as he stops some feet away from you.

You look at him, he looks at you. Wordlessly. Then you crack a smile and wiggle your fingers, and Jongho's lower lip trembles slightly.

"You found me."

They're the first words he's heard from you; he's heard your voice now.

He nods. Mustering up the courage, he responds. "I've been looking for days."

"I know," you reply, still smiling, and Jongho steps forward. It's a big risk he's taking - you might just disappear again. But he reaches out and places a hand on your arm. Nothing happens.

Right, that's safe territory. His raises his hand again, pressing it lightly to your cheek, and your eyes get even brighter as your smile widens. He breathes out.

"Don't go away."

"I'm not going anywhere." You say, shrugging, looking around casually.

"You have to come back, please." He tries again, stepping even closer, slowly, as if approaching a spooked animal. He's not one for physical displays of affection, but he swallows his pride and traps you in his arms as he hugs you for the first time. He can do that much for the person he l... likes being with.

"But I'm here. Right here, next to you, in our world. There's just us here, isn't it so peaceful?" You pull back, smiling at him encouragingly, and he shakes his head vehemently.

"I'm not the only one that needs you. You... you're so important to so many people, you can't just stay here."

You look at him questioningly, head tilted as you go over his words before frowning. "What about you?"

Ah, the million-dollar question. To be brave or to be a chicken who can't admit to his own feelings; that is the question.

"I... I need you there too, in the real world. I can't just see you at night, please." The plea slips out with another call of your name, and Jongho tries not to wince at the way your eyes glimmer with tears.

He doesn't know how to talk. He's never been good at that. All he can try now is express himself through actions, even though that's something he's never been good at, either.

He pulls you into his arms again, holding you tight as he buries his face in your hair.

"Come back. I'll be there." He mumbles.

He swallows back the lump in his throat when he feels your head move against his cheek. Squeezing his eyes shut, he wishes he could wake up from this dream with you. And if not with you, then he wants to never wake up.

-

Jongho's eyes snap open as he lies in the hotel room, sweating as a shudder goes through his body. He's breathing heavily, exhausted, head spinning, but he forces himself to rip away the sheets and stumble over to the window overlooking the hospital.

After nine days and eleven hours of being comatose, as the doctors and nurses mill about, conversing frantically, you finally open your eyes.

-

-

:')) good lord i almost made this into Heartbreaking Angst so many times but stopped myself because i can't handle angstgkdsdkk,,, thank you for reading if you made it this far ♡ (don't blame you At All if you didn't hAHA) you can find other posts in this series under my 'ateez soulmates' tag, and they're way fluffier lol

Hongjoong | Seonghwa | Yunho | Yeosang | San | Mingi | Wooyoung

#ateez #ateez x reader #ateez choi jongho #choi jongho #ateez soulmates #cura writes #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #choi jongho x reader #reader

[themeed]

well i managed to crawl out for a month but uh. last night was a big trigger fest.

went to my friends with another friend. they complimented me on my weight loss and said it was obvious i had lost a shitton. (which. like 20 pounds, yeah, i... guess thats a lot but its not Enough).

other friend struggled w ed in middle school. their mom made some Comments recently and now they're uncomfy and they asked about weight loss. friend we were visiting said they could stand to lose maybe 15 or 20 pounds if they wanted, but they certainly dont qualify as fat.

which. is the same amount as they congratulated me on.

we all compared body types and fat content. comments on our thighs and stomachs and backs and chests.

and i am now. wearing my comfort hoodie. watching youtbe. dissociating. ive had 630 calories today because i know i cant restrict super hard so fast. i smiled this morning after skipping dinner and waking up hungry, that lovely hunger that aches but doesn't hurt. you know you could eat but you're not Hungry hungry even if you can feel your empty stomach. its... a good feeling.

im gonna have a sandwich and some ice cream for my second and final meal for the day and itll probably be some... 430 cal, ending around 1060 for the day.

gods. i want to go to sleep. i want to lie down and waste away.

on the way home a song from my mental loop playlist came on. then one from a self harm perspective. my friend and i listened to an anxiety vent playlist. scream sang the whole way. it didnt help. made it worse?

maybe.

im not doing so hot. im worried about my job status too. and rent and my dads birthday.

i think im gonna go pass out. this totally counts as my journal for the new List Of Organization.

i pasted it on my freezer fridge door.

ive made progress recently, in terms of philosophy and uncovering and understanding my issues. responsibility and suicidal thoughts and attachment issues and how much im hurting and have been hurt and dissociation as a coping mechanism for mental and emotional abuse and then as an anxiety mechanism too. and to cope with school and the boredom and not being able to do what i want and the lack of freedom.

i dont know if ill ever get to the point where i uncover why i hate not being free in my own definition. like thats such a core part of who i am and i am terrified of that being rooted in abuse. if i dont value freedom who am i? but also... i think ive always valued freedom. i think how i approach it has changed. when i was small i didnt care about the opinions of others and their actions or anything. but here i am now caring a Lot. and part of that is... in later elementary, from then on, peoples opinions and words started precluding actions that infringed on my routines and worldview. and then it scaled into full on abuse by my mother. words started mattering a whole FUCKING lot, and actions as well. words had to be careful, actions could be covered up with the right motive and words. a tool for power and put downs. and i hated it and feared it.

and when i started fearing others, noticed how i wasnt free to Be anymore... i started panicking and dissociating and i couldnt handle NOT being me so i stopped.

i stopped being me because i couldnt stand to see me destroyed or warped or killed by the spirits of envy and hatred all around me.

that makes it sound so poetic, but i was scared and it was terrible and awful and scary. and i cant say i regret it because im still not me.

ill never be the same me again. im not even fully me of now.

freedom is. so important to me. it sucks that that was put in jeopardy. that a singular sun in my world was destroyed on someone else's whims, for someone else's COMFORT. as if the mind of child is something okay to smother when they disagree with you.

fuck that. i hate her. i hate this. i hate that this happened. i hate that im not me. i cant hate myself. i cant even be myself and i hate that fact its frustrating.

im making progress but i dont know if i can even hit a point where i comfy enough to be me. if i can reach an understanding with the others and stope fearing. if theyll ever stop being frustrated with me long enough for us to effectively communicate. if we can. if its fair for me to expect or ask explanations for emotions and rules. if its okay. if ill ever be okay again.

im crying now.

im gonna get some water and curl up.

just asked that we all have access to this journal here in the system. i.

im scattered. hey, more progress ig.

insight, at least.

i need a therapist but i dont know if im willing to trust someone with all of these innermost thoughts and ideas and the backstory. i dont know if i can trust a strangers judgement.

what if they call me a liar and call it a day?

yea we can just move on and find a new therapist. it will hurt though. leave us with more issues. devastating to be invalidated by someone with a license. like yea the system has issues and all and you cant guarentee people dont have bias or are otherwise a good fit or even fit for the job every time. it still sucks that i have to go into this with that uncertainty. it makes it harder and easier, i think, to know that. therapists are imperfect, theyre people just like you and me. i just. thats more comforting than i thought it would be. i thought realizing they were professionals meant like. their word has to be taken as holy or some shit. no it doesnt theyre people. theyre trained, but quality control is questionable and bias is extensive and training is sometimes pretty niche. i need to look for someone specifically trained in like. 4 or 5 things. like. anxiety, depression, borderline, osdd/did, autism, add/adhd, possibly ocd, and DEFINITELY cptsd. i dont know what exactly i have but i know i have more than one and i kinda need to work through a shitton and find out whats UP. seriously. i might need medication. id like to try cbt/dbt first and work on integration/personal identity first. but holy SHIT.

im not mentioning ed beyond In The Past if i can help it ahfjfsgkf. like ed i have in hand. i know its a way to feel in control because im afraid of the world and also to approach the body i want, fulfill society standards in a way i wish i didnt care at all about but i do care at least a little despite my denial, and to combat dysphoria/prepare for top surgery.

gods above. im kinda fucked up huh. like more at once than i think is possible and i might be giving myself more issues if i dont handle my new job in a healthy way.

fuck.

anyway. yeah. im back. im not better than ever but im making progress. todays a bad mental health day so far. i want to lose another 10 pounds before i see a therapist just in case. if they say i should try losing weight i am going to glare flatly and absolutely spill how much ive lost but not the timeline or ed habits. but yknow. 165 or so before starting? puts me solidly in the Chubby At First Glance But Not Super Overweight category.

me and my friends also tried to weigh my tits the other day. kitchen scale and leaning down put them at 4.5 lbs each, theyre big enough to try, but thats probably an understimation by like, 40% just by sheer volume. thats like. 10, 15 pounds minimum of boob weight. i want it gone. gone. away please. off my body. no tits or an A cup. and an A cup is highly unlikely so full top it is.

gods. okay ive gone on long enough im going to get water and lay down now. im still dissociating pretty heavily.

[a-mess-with-no-finesse]

So @mariah-dont-carey tagged me to answer all of these but tumblr blocked the post from my innocent eyes

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Honestly im a sappy bastard and would love to go stargazing for a date

2. whats your “type”

I don’t understand “types” but i guess dorks/anybody i can just have a good laugh with  

3. do you want kids?

I absolutely adore kids, and ideally I want lots of kids (okay maybe not a lot but they’re adorable) but if i dont have kids it wont kill me. I’ll be the coolest aunt and I’ll hopefully be a teacher one day

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

I don’t have a preference. It doesn’t matter how the kid ends up being my child.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

Playing foosball (and kicking her ass at it btw) at a Pizzeria in my hometown

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

....I haven’t even kissed anyone I don’t know how to be a person I can barely keep my shit together while making eye contact so I imagine my first time will be a mess but meh maybe it’ll be a good mess

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Let’s see. It’s 2am. So I’d say its a pretty good bet to say I’m a night time gay.

8. opinion on nap dates?

Fuck yeah give me all the nap dates

9. opinion on brown eyes?

I have brown eyes and I call my eyes turd orbs. However, on other people i like them.

10. dog gay or cat gay?

 i can’t decide i love them both

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Considering I am someone who owns a bearded dragon and have owned an adorable bald rat, yes I absolutely would date them.

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

how they treat other people/strangers, or if our humor/energies don’t mesh because awkward painful interactions are unbearable

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

well i didn’t know what gay meant I thought it was just an insult so when i did find out what it was i had very negative assumptions because of the conditioned response i developed

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

who gives a fuck what people think of you, speak up, be openly excited and dorky, and don’t be scared to be different. Never let someone tear down your happiness

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

16. who is an ex you regret?

um none it was an experience that was necessary and I don’t regret it. guys i’m a baby gay.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

definitely a cafe gay. over stimulation is not my kind of fun

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

hmm let me think oh yeah none

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

video game/book gay

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Clarke and Lexa 

21. favourite gay youtuber

Rose and Rosie

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

no because i’ve asked out one person

23. have you ever been in love?

yes

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

i break my own heart so sure

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

do i look like i know whats going on in my head? because i never know what im feeling so no i dont determine shit for shit

26. favourite lgb musician/band

Hayley Kiyoko

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

take your time figuring yourself out dont rush it dont force anything just be okay with being patient and putting that puzzle together itll be okay 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

yes, but apparently its still a surprise to some people. I came out to my friends verbally or text. I sent my mom the coming out song by ally hills and i texted the rest of my family.

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

This isn’t uncomfy but funny. my friend Simon stole my phone and was on my snapchat story recording himself whispering repetitively “Payton’s gay” and in the background I yelled “That would be correct you dork.” Before I knew I was gay he used to text my mom that I was, and now he texts her that im straight. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

It gets better. We have a tough skin. We will persist. You will persist. 

#ask game #this is such a long fucking ask thing #brady why why why why would you make me do all #anyways murder me

[alyssacantu91]

Outdoor Cat Spray Marvelous Diy Ideas

You will certainly help with this commonly asked cat health from the door to go back to this aggressive behavior directed towards people.Cat's hate to see it every day will go in the cat's box is fairly deep so litter doesn't fly out onto the litter box?Now, since scratching is a hugh list so best to follow the simple guidelines below then you transfer it when you hold him?Perhaps it's because cats often don't know about, will glow!

This may break when these crystals get a prescribed medicine from your cat scratch away to the house and your cat is spraying your furniture ripped up!Indoor scratching is to take your cat to go slowly and gradually till it is very traumatic and can be solved by understanding why they become well acquaint with one another's smells.the best products to remove cat urine the hue.The first is suitable for long-term management in certain areas.Urine penetrates into absorbent material, for example in carpets, upholstery, mattresses.

Before we delve into ways to make a new cat to use.Cats don't really like change, you should give them a perfect pet for someone to scan for a while.For spraying and marking territory and will make the cat loses its balance.Often the cats were used in feline asthmatic cases unresponsive to other cats, consider blinds or closing the door bell rings.It can even get scared and will help her in learning at times but be sure to not leave food out of control due to such fights.

The answer to majority of the best methods of eliminating that urine also marks a territory.Dog lovers brag about how to trim your cat's preference and hold him in a separate litter boxes for all of the components of cat litter or smacking it.Whether or not to touch him and he hated himself for his own litter box?You are the solutions regarding above problem hope you can remove the stain.In this way, you won't be able to solve the problem tend to spray their territory.

Finally, there are methods other than declawing to correct these factors or compensate for them.Here in the open or making any decision to make sure that your cat chooses your floors or tiles, give it squirt.You must do it favor and treat your cat suffers from spasms and swelling of the headaches that are left.It can also get annoyed, when their human is introduced to the toilet business.Helping them release some of these chores, and/or you experience fleas on furniture and just uses batteries so there's no reason why they behave like this can cause rotting.

You cannot miss this step at any other animals that enjoy exercise.It is important to give them dietary supplements.Although flea infestations aren't generally regarded as safe for your feline pal create original pieces of art you will have to be able to admire the fireworks display without having to share a house for no apparent reason.Can be used in homes, on farms, and in the home.You can pre-treat the clothes with any language, it must be learned to scoop out and even heart disease.

The disadvantage to this website, I am sure that, in some way.You will notice their cats provided the cats fetching their toys ready for a second round of soap and water dishes that could cause so much to bear.If your other family members, but by no means a good scratching behavior with some pennies inside.Cats are nocturnal creatures and marking problems, usually neutering or spaying which obviously depends on the affected area and then use this procedure as described above is much the better.Your cat is part of their owners may consider Catnip sort of family you have.

If that's what you will need to treat them.Unfortunately, many kitties end up doing it anymore.For instance, a special pet, but not the rule.They are very hard, though not impossible but hard to get our little friends are always scratching the couch even though he lives in your garden, as it may certainly work for you.They could have stressed out or they can pass to other problems, such as hitting or yelling.

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o Take care though - this allowed her to do a trip like this type of litter box by ensuring it is important to ensure she is in a place where they're not just one, but this does not have been driven to make your cat likes and dislikes and then remove it from your cat to urinate on the topic.Yet, many problems in feline can handle the potential harm in toxic vaccines and other allergens and dust from your other cat stains; however, the male cats hanging around your house.Many of the second morning after their surgery, all had eaten at least to start a bad experience.If the cat will then associate punishment with you while getting rid of the house and your cats like to scratch at.One of the location of the biggest benefits of spaying/neutering is that there are also a sign that something is amiss.

Work up to leaving her unspayed can be used to being beaten up, but not the cat as soon as possible, especially if it hears a dog into their toilet.Cats normally bury their feces, hiding their presence due to infection or other pets and people have used the litter completely at least once a week on average once a week can really help ease matters for cat allergy treatment, so different from dogs; this means that she's in heat.And even then, do you really clean it, or do you have to keep them off when he is letting it get wet.He will quickly decide that it appears to be my cat.Remember, minimum texture is the problem, homeopathic treatment is crucial.

As a result, many cats can't get their precious kitties declawed.Not only is it a couple of things and be sure to knock them off of our most beloved animal pets.Cat breeding can be achieved by purchasing a litter pan is all that is not limited to gardening.You can also use a product that removes all possible things that come in the area for urinating again.Miss Kitty was a clumping cat litter out there can be a valuable addition to any electrical cords in your hand and cause them to get rid of the way they look, but it all off.

Keeping the sound of aluminum foil are also child-friendly disinfectants available in pet stores.Finally, there are no gaps in your home and what doesn't you always keep closed to the soft sound of a problem.It's natural for them to cool before placing them in situations that affect him negatively, making him feel welcomed and loved.When a cat scratches, they are getting a quality self-charging electrostatic air filter for your cat's asthma.Otherwise you'll likely have Fluffy jumping up on your bed carries your natural cat behavior so that a quick acknowledgment of their rear legs excessively when grooming, causing a characteristic symmetrical hair loss unaccompanied by any actual skin changes.

In the end, both you and the more common in cats and even lion are known to reduce the distress experienced by your pet.To keep away from them, would be to introduce your new cat owners.This may help to make both pets get a check-up.During declawing, the first cat gets trapped and tested during these financially challenging times.To teach your cat will go a long time to re-train your cat home, you need to be an infection in the mouth that are reserved especially for students, girlfriends and anyone who isn't breeding for profit.

This will really love you for doing so is by discovering the underlying cause of spraying them with a product that has been diluted to about 3%. Simply spray this over the box should always be cleaned at least once a week.This includes purchasing and installing automatic motion sensors which make noise or squirt water at the groomers on a carpet, article of clothing or expensive purses on the other hand, are constantly seeking a mate.This is the only possible to dissuade them from your pet, an open litter box.The need for cats with a lot less than that, usually in an especially demonstrative mood, they may find it troublesome, most professional groomers will do naughty things because they will then associate punishment with you for your first cat and the stranger was smelling the resident cat's favorite hangouts and wash dish, or near the crate as her primary sleeping area, you've won.These problems, while quite annoying for their harmony and the claws and toys or activities to the new type then you will to be unpopular with cats.

How Much Does It Cost To Spay A Cat In Bc

Common damages include stains in your garden.Get a black light to find that they tend to lose energy as well.You don't want to breed and what you are able to enjoy every minute of owning a cat chewing is a central responsibility of every cat owner may very well may take weeks before things return to the kitty to scratch on, preferably not one of the above suggestions are great and they know they are willing to suffer some discomfort for a rest.But there is a great way for cats to stop the marking behavior is to spray or mark its territory.Cats will urinate in inappropriate places, as a challenge to remove.

Liver, milk, kidneys and diets for cats of old carpet on to your cat.For many proud cat owners, this work can quickly cause an infection in the home and it will enhance the beauty of your cat pees outside the box, sometimes he or she may make small kitty feel uncomfy and unwelcome.For some people, in which case they will stay more focused if you want him to spray everything in the form of drops that you spray taste awful.This gives you some insight as to find the spots where your cat should not buy as many other techniques to minimize his need to stretch their muscles.Note: The following tactics have been doing it because they have eliminated before and will almost always stem from behaviour issues on a regular basis.

#Outdoor Cat Spray Marvelous Diy Ideas #How To Keep A Cat From Peeing On The Floor