#I wrote this listening to MIKA - Blame It On The Girls

[goodguydotmp3]

two questions: why don’t you like harry and do you really think harry villanized the weed video or do you think that was the people attempting to court him (azoffs)

Whew, this is a long one folx!

Why don’t you like Harry [Styles]?

Let me preface this response by saying that I’m a pretty new “fan” if one can still call me that. I got into the One Direction fandom in the summer of last year, and much of my opinions of the boys where shaped by fan reactions. After gathering more and more information however, I realized that the fandom and I were wrong about some things, and over hyping others. 

Still, it wasn’t until this year that I actually broke out of the Harry-centric bubble to realize that the shady goings on where much worse than I originally thought. Add to this my realization that Harry’s music really doesn’t withstand the test of time, and that his persona is pretty Stagnant, and I’ve come to feel rather bamboozled.

Of course I know that the entire point of his PR team is to sway public opinion of him one way, and if I ate it up that was part of the plan. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It also doesn’t mean I feel any less hurt about it. It also doesn’t mean that I like when other people fawn over him, as quite a lot of what I’m going to say has been public knowledge, and some of it before I was even a fan.

A. Music

 Actually getting to a big part of the problem here, his music isn’t good. Well, not long term like I said in the preface. He doesn’t really have much of a vocal range despite being a singer for more than ten years. He does not care and acts like he does, often leading to him sounding like he’s screaming instead of singing. He’s lyrics are boring and flat, and his melodies are fine, they just don’t make up for his unmemorable lyrics. I personally think that the cause is him more heavily relying on song writers to fill in more in more, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to believe that the same person who wrote Happily and Olivia also wrote At the Dining Table and Treat People With Kindness, because that would just mean he’s getting worse or putting forth less effort. 

Of course one could argue that I’m not a professional, I don’t have the necessary Jargon to correctly critique, and I’m no longer a singer so I can’t even do what he does. But to that I say fuck off. I know what sounds good! I know what I like! 

Even more than that though, If you bought a product (non food), and you could only use that product for the first two weeks you bought it, you’d say it was a shit product! You’d scream from the rooftops that no one should ever buy this product because it’s crap! Well guess what? I pre-ordered Fine Line just to listen for two weeks and never pick it up again except for golden, she’s a funky tune every couple months. 

Besides the test of time, there is still the subject of actual talent/listenability if you will. I feel there’s four main categories when I listen to music that makes it worth listening to

1.Amazing voice

2.Awesome lyrics

3.Funky/ cool ass melody/Beat

4.Catchy as hell

Now, a song doesn’t need to be all four, however the more they have the more likely I am to like the song. Also, I’ve said “main categories” because I’ve definitely had songs were I just through the beat drop was cool, or maybe the bridge was sick as hell, or maybe I just liked the pacing or the way the singer/singers stressed a note. Alternatively there is a sweet spot for me of super depressing lyrics but a melody/ that makes you want to dance. See: most of After Laughter by Paramore, Lola By Mika. But in general, those four usually make me love a song long term.

If it’s an album, it usually Just has to sound like it belongs on the same album/ tell a story. Like I really don’t like albums that sound like it’s just a playlist of songs personally. I should be able to listen to a song and go “oh yeah, that’s off --- album” or I didn’t like the album as a whole. An album is a bit like an outfit to me. It’s not going to be all tops, nor does it need to be monochromatic, but it does need to go together

For Example, I love Four as an album. I thought it was amazing. I still hate Spaces and Illusion. I hate both of their melodies, I don’t like the Illusion intro, I’m not to keen on those lyrics, and they’re definitely not catchy, I skip every time. 

So taking that logic to Harry’s music, I think HS1 works very well as an album, almost all of the songs sound like they’re supposed to be there. And I hate every song but Kiwi. The lyrics are boring/don’t make a ton of sense, the melodies definitely don’t make up for that, he doesn’t have the range, and none of them are catchy! And then you get to Kiwi and she’s got that vibe you know? She’s a pop punk bop and I cannot fucking believe that Harry has one pop punk bop among unmemorable pop rock album.

Going to Fine line, It’s not as great as an album. There are some songs that don’t really feel like they fit? Like just going through the album, cherry doesn’t have any business being there? Like the lyrics fit sure, but what is that weird intro and outro? It probably would have been fine If the song didn’t have those two, but having them there upset the pace a bit I felt. And then there was Treat People With Kindness, which was really Jarring and doesn’t feel like it belongs on the album at all? It  actually feels like it’s trying to be Kiwi - it’s loud and garish, and the lyrics are trying to be carefree, but! It just doesn’t work! TPWK sounds like Hippie music! Kiwi sounds like Brendon Urie could sing it and people would be like “good ol Panic!”. And then the album goes back down into Fine line the song, which again is Jarring because you’ve had this TPWK monstrosity right before it.

Then, looking at the overarching theme of his music, It’s whiny piss baby music He hates to take responsibility for his actions! It’s all in his lyrics! And don’t get me wrong, I love Honest lyrics, but not if the person is an asshole! LIke I fucking hate confessions by Usher specifically becasue he’s talking about how much he’s a piece of shit in the most whiny and piss baby way, making it all about him and no the people he hurt. I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” Esp Chris browns verse! It boils down to “Hey I know I was a asshole seven billion times but I miss you tho :(“ GIRL BYE! 

Harry sounds the exact same though, Except he can’t even blame himself for his own mistakes, and just wades through self pity about how the object of his affection won’t love him even though he didn’t even do anything except it wasn’t his fault and why are you still mad it wasn’t even his fault and he was young and reckless and drunk and horny. Like??? WRITE A NEW SONG TAYLOR SWIFT 2.0! There’s only so much you can repackage the same narrative before it becomes stale no Cinderella does not count keep that shit coming. And It really jumps out in his writing, even through 1d, although I will say there were some catchy beats, and awesome lines to keep him afloat back then. Although wtf was Walking in the Wind??? Choke!

Then there are the melodies I’m talking post wondee here which often give this 70’s pop rock vibe. Which fine I guess, it’s his brand, but that doesn’t make it interesting. Or new. Or fresh. Or an interesting take. 

Now I completely understand relying on nostalgia to boost people’s opinion, but you could at leas have the decency to actually have good music. For Example, Miss you by Louis Tomlinson has a very distinctive pop rock feel, but it’s also an amazing song. Great lyrics, amazing voice, catchy liddle diddy that happens to be reminiscent of that 2005- 2010 punk pop/emo pop feel. Sour diesel has that like,,,basey 90s pop feel, and it fucking works with the lyrics, and of course his voice is beautiful. When Walls dropped and Lou put out that playlist of songs that were an inspiration, you can hear the influences when you listen to the album, but they’re also really good songs in their own right, with amazing lyrics, and Louis’ distinctive voice. Comparing that to Harry, it seems like he’s mostly relying on people’s nostalgia rather than actually good music.

Okay so this last point I’m making on music is a little petty but it’s been like a week and I’m still pissed about it so I’m saying it now. Someone said that Harry Styles is the best pop rock artist right now???? Just admit that you don’t listen to pop rock tf. Louis Tomlinson is right there. Brendon Urie is right there. Mika is right there. Haley Williams is right there. Janell Monae is right there. I don’t listen to a lot of pop rock lol but i feel my point has been made

B. Public Persona

He get’s so much clout! SO MUCH CLOUT! For doing the bare minimum (this is not specifically about the fandom, that’s for later)! People will write all these glowing reviews of him for him??? Being polite??? Like okay and? Just because a person is polite doesn’t mean they’re fucking Jesus??? There’s a million and one stories so i’m not fucking looking them up but there’s the pizza story and the fish story and the plane story and the snl story and the Stormzy story and the WS story on and on and on! Stop giving this man brownie points for basic human decency. “I didn’t expect him to be like that!” okay is that because of their perception of what a rock star is supposed to be like? Because in that case we need to start holding people accountable for being assholes. Or is it because he seems like an asshole. Cause valid.

I also don’t like him leaning so heavily on the queer image thing. Like! If that’s how he likes to express himself, Fine, But so much of it is just...so manufactured! And I Know I’ve heard people say oh well he wore the one rainbow on his lapel that one time or he wore the shirt or he wore the Keith Harring.

1. That Rainbow pin is sus as hell I don’t care what ya’ll say It absolutely screams set up, if he wanted to not be seen he would have not been seen 

2. That goes for literally every other time. I can’t believe it’s not a set up to push a queer image. (that he profits from!)

3. If he actually did his homework on Keith Harring he’d know that the man was a predator, and he wouldn’t have worn those shirts. It seems so performative! To add to that, does he know now? If so, why isn’t he using his platform to correct his mistake? Why didn’t he come out and let people know not to buy Harring’s stuff??? He knows the pull he has! He absolutely could have been like “I’ve made a mistake, if you are looking for queer artists to support, here’s some” But he fucking doesn’t

4. To add on to that last part, It is actually sus that he gets to profit off of this queer image, and yet the only queer voices that he’s propping up are white gays. And then not even directly? Not a “queer artists, esp queer artists of color are important and need their voices boosted because they are the back bone of society” but this wink nod type of deal, where again, he mainly boosts white gays.like??? One queer black woman that doesn’t work for the Azoffs, and then a bunch of white gays. Like?? That’s not racist to anyone else???????Just me? okay.

Now from a professional point of view, it’s even worse. I’m not saying that artists can’t be campy or blurr gender lines, or imply that they ‘re queer subtly. But I think it’s fucking disrespectful to play both ends. Like, he profits off of using the queer image, all while Dancing around the subject, but then on the back end he never says that Homophobes/Transphobes aren’t allowed in his fandom. He gives this empty ass tpwk and then washes his hands of it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am always upset when people who have lots of queerphobes in their fandom bullying and harassing the actual queer people never say anything to let queerphobes know they’re unwelcome (clearly money is better than morals) but for me it’s an extra kick to the gut for it to literally profit Harry to seem queer. Look at that time that  gay company sold out shirts in less than an hour,because harry was wearing it and tell me people aren’t throwing money at him because they feel he’s queer. 

C. Fashion

This one is a really rough one for me because this is partially what drew me into Harry in the first place. But he’s really not all that in terms of fashion. He’s expensive certainly, but sometimes, the things that are more expensive are worse. Even When He’s not looking like a grandparent out on the town, his style is very dated, and yet he gets paraded around like he’s the freshest new thing?? Like who is his team paying of for him to get that many articles about how he’s fashion’s biggest star. And the thing is, his style is even dated for the mainstream. There’s already a post about how he copies prominent pop/pop rock stars of the 70s, which means that his style is 50 years old for the mainstream. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally fine if you’re addicted to seventies wear. I don’t think he should be heralded as this huge fashion star if his wardrobe is this dated

Even more than that. Gucci???? The Gucci with a history of Racism?? The Gucci with the child labor??? The Gucci with the 14 hour days Gucci??? Ugly ass Gucci????? Soulja Boy don’t even fuck with Gucci no more and he fuck with Gucci since like 2007. (although that was because of the racism, not cause it’s ugly)

I think that bothers me the most though. Like it’s not enough to exploit people, you also have to be tacky ugly and expensive???? For what??? @Gucci cease to exist please.

If Harry wants to be tacky ugly and expensive, that’s of course his rights to do so! But don’t act like he’s at the very pinnacle of fashion every time he does. 

I’m actually always very conflicted about that. I personally prefer a style that’s very loud and campy and avant garde but like,,,,that ain’t it. Maybe it’s something you got it or ya don’t??? Like for example Billy Porter could wear a trashbag and make it work. The expensive sweaters and the slacks? The suits? Not a good look on one Harry Styles. Maybe it’s because they’re expensive sweaters and slacks and expensive suits. What are you, Ted from accounting??? Grow up.

D. Treat People With Kindness

Ugh this is the thing that pisses me off like the second to most. This phrase is so fucking empty. You could not have made up a more corporate mandated phrase if you fucking tried. It stands for nothing! Just like him!

Let’s break it down. “Treat people with kindness” is, at face value, a call to action. It’s asking you to do something. But it doesn’t actually tell you what to do!! So it’s pretty inoffensive! You don’t actually have to change your behavior in anyway for two main reasons:

1. What the hell is Kindness??? This phrase never actually says what it is??? It’s just this short little punchy thing that assumes you know what kindness is! What if you didn’t actually know? What if you have differing ideals of what is considered kindness? I mean to my mother, Misgendering me is kindness, but I don’t think that’s kindness. To my father, not letting his children have autonomy is kindness, but I don’t find that kind. And yet they could both use that phrase and feel confident that they go around treating people with kindness. After all they cooked dinner didn’t they? They smiled at Janice from public relations didn’t they? That’s kindness right?

2. It also assumes you know what “people” are. Queer people are people. Queerphobes don’t consider queer people, people. Racists aren’t going to consider some people, people. So they can continue their harassment and dehumanization of them and still be treating people with kindness, because they never harmed actual people (to them)

E. Harry bots

Bitch?? Corporate spies?? Tf ??? That’s not weird to ya’ll ?? I think the thing that shocked me more than someone from Colombia records admitting that he manufactures the hype around people signed to Colombia, is the fact that the Fandom been knew!!!! Ya’ll been knew and ya’ll wasn’t gon tell me???????? I just found out last week wtf????????

Another thing I don’t like about them Harry bots, is it’s one thing to hype up Harry, but why tf do they need to shit on the other boys??? Is it because they’re more talented, good looking, and charming??? How about you get good!!!! I esp hate that it’s usually Louis. What is Corporate’s obsession with putting Louis down like? What a bunch of fucking weirdos?? It’s not enough to be a Harry fan and live up his ass, I gotta hate Louis too?? You lost yo damn mind. If you reading this and you a spy? Die.

F. Capitalism

Honestly that should be the end of it but here the fuck we go I guess. Now I get that there is going to be some capitalism involved when you get music, especially mainstream music, there are tones of articles out there with people who used to be in the industry telling you about how fucking awful it is, all in the pursuit of money. (Which isn’t fucking real by the way! We made it up! People out here getting traumatized! Belittled! Bullied! Married off! So some corporation can make all the money! The Imaginary Credits! That we made up! I hate it here!) 

But it’s another fucking thing to participate in a capitalist system? He invested into that one sleep app, even going to do one of the voice sessions (So you could have Harry Styles themed sleep paralysis) and you pay for that! He makes money off that! It’s not enough that you buy his mediocre music or his ugly ass merch, you also have to give him money through the sleep paralysis app. 

Then there was that Google Camp for Rich People Only! I don’t even want to fucking hear that it was on Climate Change oh wow all the rich people took helicopters and Yachts to a resort with manicured lawns??? To talk about how they treat the environment? That’s not at all Counter intuitive! Not at all for show! Fucking disgusting.

Oh and the Covid Shirt! Really bitch??? You need to Profit off a deadly pandemic? Are you profiting off of AIDS next you fucking bastard. And he can of course get a tax write of for his “ charitable donation” fuck off.

G. Racism

This! This is the thing that gets me the most! YA’LL CAN EXCUSE RACISM???

No, I’m not talking about the Native American Headdress thing, that was plenty despicable on it’s own, No I’m talking about the on going racism. The whole, using black people for clout and then dropping them and never returning the favor when they sing his praises thing. Specifically I’m thinking of Sis the activist, Stormzy, and Lizzo. 

The Lizzo thing pisses me off the most actually. I think it’s very fucking convenient that Harry started taking interest in Lizzo after there was uproar from black fans noting his hypocrisy of performing for Pepsi (Notoriously racist) and Having BLM sticker on his guitar. So he shows up at one of her concerts dressed like a senior citizen that got lost on the way to the retirement home bathroom. She looked fucking amazing and he couldn’t put forth the effort to at least not look senile. Then there was the covering of her songs, and then there was the cuddling up with her at the awards show. Funny how I haven’t seen any interaction after the fact! And Of course everyone forgot about the Pepsi concert! Fuck all the way off!!

Also! Are we just never going to talk about the fact that he didn’t comment on the blm protests earlier this year until his team could gauge whether or not it would be profitable to do so by DATA MINING HIS FAN BASE???? And then when he actually did he got the most praise for it, truly fucking hate it here. Also when he marched with those protesters he made sure we knew it was him. There were posts flouting around everywhere on how to best cover up to make yourself completely unrecognizable should you wind up on camera or fucking worse, get attacked by the police. Funny how Close Sprouse could follow the advice and not Harry? Also supper funny how he got the hell out of dodge before things got super bad and I have not heard anything on the matter since. Guess what Harry??? We’re still out here fighting for the rights to exist! Still wanna have a photo op while our own government tries to squash us with force????? This is like that Jenner Pepsi ad but with sunglasses and a pandemic.

H. Fandom

I think I would hate him less if I didn’t have to hear about him every hour of everyday. Stop Hyping this man so much. Even after unfollowing and blocking a bunch of Harries and Larries he’s all across my dash. And twitter. And insta. KURTIS CONNER FUCKING LIKES HIM I JUST WANTED CRACK CONTENT AND NOW LOOK. 

I. Conclusion.

After writing all this I think the running theme is that Harry Styles isn’t even a person, he’s a brand. I do not like or trust brands! And I definitely don’t like being advertised to! Just like It’s fake as fuck when Absolut is all about queer rights, it’s fake as fuck when Harry does it too. Just like I know Target doesn’t actually care about Black lives, I know Harry doesn’t either. People are always like “oh he’s so nice!” no! He’s polite! There’s a difference. Zayn Is a truly kind person. Liam is a truly kind person. Louis is a truly kind person. It shines though so brightly all the time, and yet people are really out here worshiping the Brand Harry Styles. 

Do I think It was Harry or The Azoffs throwing Zouis under the bus. 

Truly doesn’t matter! Whichever one did it, Harry was totally fine with it! Which tells me that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He’ll go along with anything as long as it gets him to the top, and that’s fucked up on one million and one levels

#hazza curly mchazzerson #This is like 4 thousand words #Have fun #Harry Styles

[theotherackerman]

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.

NOTES:

Saturday, January 16th

song credit: all too well-taylor swift

chapter eighteen: all too well

Niccolo and Zeke were chatting most of the drive.

Eren just stared off into the distance.

Was he waiting too long to give Mikasa his answer to the song she wrote?

It had been his plan to play this song for her before he even heard the song she had written.

He had dragged all of their friends and Levi in on it too.

It had been a week since then.

Their texting wasn’t anything important. Just little messages here and there.

How many times had he pulled out his phone ready to call her?

Was it too soon?

Was it too much?

Or was it too late?

Why was he a sixteen year old again?

“I want to play the song tonight,” Eren finally said.

“What?” Niccolo asked.

“We don’t have a bassist anymore. As brilliant as Pieck is, she probably also has plans tonight. You know her and the Galliard brothers hang out on Saturday nights,” Zeke reminded him.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re going to a house with a bassist, isn’t it?” Eren remarked.

“Alright. It’s your song, Eren.”

The arrival at the Ackerman house was anticlimactic.

Levi hadn’t been expecting Zeke to stop off. He just simply handed over the file, saying it was a copy and he’d be keeping the original. Then Zeke had decided to leave to check up on Grisha’s old house. There were still no offers on it.

Ymir, Historia, Sasha and Niccolo were talking about music in the sun room while Hange and Levi were talking in the living room.

Mikasa had been helping Armin move the few things he had left behind when he headed back to the dorms into Annie’s room.

“We should move this bed into Annie’s room too. It’ll give you a bigger bed if you push the two together,” Mikasa suggested.

“Or you could just buy a new one,” Eren suggested from the doorway.

“Eren! When did you get here?” Armin asked.

“About five minutes ago. Zeke had to pick up a file from Levi. I guess Levi is Zeke’s patient? I don’t know. It was weird,” Eren shrugged.

“That is weird. But I suppose that makes sense,” Armin said as he sat down on the bed.

“What happened to your face?” Mikasa asked.

The red marks were still there.

“Uh...I got into a fight with Floch,” Eren looked down as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Good,” Annie said as she pushed past Eren and came into the room.

“Hey Annie,” Eren said.

“That guy is a dick. I don’t like him,” Annie sat down next to Armin.

“Well...I....can’t disagree.”

“Are you staying in town?” Mikasa asked.

Eren shook his head. “Check in on the house. We’re going back after Zeke comes back.”

“Oh,” Mikasa said before she looked down.

“Yeah but you can call me tonight, if you want,” Eren suggested.

“It’s like watching paint dry,” Ymir said as she passed by Eren.

“Give them a break, Ymir,” Historia said as she also passed by them.

“EREN! YOUR BROTHER IS HERE!” Levi yelled from downstairs.

“I’ll see you, okay?” Eren said before he left the room.

When Eren came downstairs, Levi and Zeke were talking.

“Everything all set then?” Eren asked.

“On my end, yeah. All the extension cords have been put out. You should be good to go tonight,” Levi replied.

“And Ymir agreed to fill in for Floch,” Niccolo said as he came into the living room.

“Good. So now we just need to grab our equipment.”

“Now I just have to get Mikasa out of the house,” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Historia is going to do that. She plans on dragging Mikasa out. Everything is set, Eren. It’s just up to you not to fuck up,” Niccolo said as he clasped Eren’s shoulder.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence there,” Eren mumbled.

------------------

How many stores had Mikasa been to?

She lost count.

Historia had dragged her out to go shopping for this limited edition perfume for Ymir’s birthday.

Thankfully, Levi had let them borrow the car so it wasn’t too bad.

But Mikasa had to walk into one more department store to look for a bottle of perfume, she was going to scream.

Ymir’s birthday wasn’t even for almost a month!

Mikasa didn’t once complain.

She knew giving Ymir the perfect gift was important to Historia.

So the search continued.

How were there this many department stores around here? They drove towards the city. Historia asked to stop for lunch. Mikasa agreed. Then the search continued.

Mikasa was starting to believe that this perfume didn’t exist.

No matter where they went, they couldn’t find it.

“It’s just super limited,” Historia had told her.

So it was more department stores. Mikasa had looked at so many bottles of perfume at this point.

She never wanted to see another.

They grew hungry again.

It was almost time for dinner.

They stopped at a drive through before heading to the last store.

Mikasa hated driving at night but this wasn’t about her.

Finally, Historia gave up.

“It looks like we’ve gone everywhere possible. I’m sorry, Mika for dragging you out with me,”

Historia had said as they pulled into the driveway.

Mikasa shrugged. “It’s okay.”

When they entered the house, no one was in the living room. It was strange. She pulled her shoes off.

“Hey! One of those bugs from the basement is loose in Levi’s room!” Annie shouted from the stairs.

“Where’s Levi?” Mikasa asked as she climbed the stairs.

“Out on a date with Hange. Can you just kill it for me? All those legs are freaking me out. I’m afraid it's going to get into my room,” Annie said as she led Mikasa to Levi’s room.

Mikasa went in and realized something. “You never saw the bug in the basements.”

The door slammed behind her.

It was a prank.

She pulled on the door as hard as she could but it wouldn’t move.

Why was the room so cold?

It was then that Mikasa realized the balcony doors were open.

She could hear the soft music of a guitar playing.

Mikasa walked out onto the balcony.

There was Eren Jaeger, in a single light that seemed to be coming from the roof.

“{lyrics redacted due to copyright}, ” Eren sang.

Mikasa heard the rest of the band kick in.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

Mikasa knew exactly the memory Eren was singing about.

It had been back when they had taken a road trip to nowhere.

They had just one day decided to run out of town.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

They did always end up back here, together.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

He had taught her to drive. Mikasa had been easily distracted by him back then.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} . ”

Mikasa went red at the memory.

She had gone through a brief phase at five where she wore fake glasses everywhere.

Her dad let her join a tee ball team at that time so Levi still had the pictures from that.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

The single light went out and the backyard lights came on to reveal Niccolo, Ymir, and Zeke playing the instruments as back up to Eren.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} ”

One of the many nights Mikasa had stayed with Eren after Grisha died.

She could see it.

She remembered it.

Mikasa stood there, just listening to the music for the moment.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

Mikasa started crying.

She blamed herself for not seeing what was wrong with Eren sooner.

She should have known he was lying back then.

She should have talked to him about his drinking, about his father.

“ {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

Mikasa held onto the scarf that she was wearing.

Ever since Historia had dug it out of her closet, she found herself putting it back on every time she needed to go out into the cold.

“' {lyrics redacted due to copyright} .”

The lights around the backyard faded until one again, it was just Eren standing in a single light that was coming from the roof.

Then the backyard went dark.

She closed the balcony doors and sat down on Levi’s bed for a moment.

What had just happened?

Had Eren answered her song with his own?

No.

This had to be something he had written long ago.

The pain in it was the same as the song she had written.

There was no faking that.

She sat and processed what had just happened for a while.

Then she stood up.

Mikasa headed back towards the doors which to her surprise, opened when she tugged on them this time.

She ran downstairs.

-------------------------

Levi climbed down the ladder off of the roof.

“Where’d you get that light from?” Zeke asked as he lit up a cigarette.

“Amazon. It was twenty dollars. We use them when we have cookouts in the summers. Lights up the whole neighborhood,” Levi said simply.

“I need to get one of those. Well, Niccolo and I should be leaving. If this blows up, call me,” Zeke said as he walked towards the van.

“You girls pack up equipment so much faster than us! Thanks!” Niccolo said before he climbed into the passenger seat of the van. “I’ll call you later, Sasha!”

Mikasa finally made her way into the backyard, her face clearly stained with tears. She had no shoes on.

Everyone stared at her and Eren.

None of them moved to do anything.

“Alright, everyone inside. Mikasa and Eren go upstairs. The rest of you are going to come with me. No spying,” Hange ordered. “No getting sick either. Come on.”

Everyone did as they were told.

Eren followed Mikasa into her room.

Once the door was closed, Mikasa threw her arms around h im.

“Can’t breathe. Too tight,” Eren croaked out.

“Oh. Sorry.” Mikasa loosened her grip on him and Eren hugged her back.

“So you liked the song then?” Eren laughed.

“Yeah,” she muttered as she rested her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while.

Mikasa could hear his heart beating.

She had taken to just listening to it.

Eren had no complaints.

Finally, they broke apart.

“You really remember those pictures of me?” Mikasa finally asked.

Eren laughed, “yeah, I do. I remember how you were obsessed with wearing glasses.”

She started to turn red again. Eren sat down on her bed. Mikasa watched him for a moment before she sat down on the end of the bed next to him.

“Why do you love that thing so much?” He asked her before tugging on the scarf.

“You gave it to me. On the first day we met, you gave it to me.”

“I remember,” he smiled at her. He released the scarf.

“I..I don’t want you to leave again. I won’t be able to handle it.” She teared up again.

She was sick of crying because of Eren, for Eren.

She wanted nothing more for things to go back to normal but she didn’t have the first clue about how to do that.

“I won’t. I was just as miserable without you. I didn’t play that song just to win you back...I didn’t know how to say it to you. I wrote most of that right after the break up. I didn’t know how to deal with it either. So I came up with this plan to play it for you. Got everyone involved. Levi was up on the roof with one those spotlight things and Hange plugged in the lights in the backyard. Annie and Armin held the door closed. You saw Historia and Ymir’s roles. I wanted it to be big, special. I just didn’t want to play it for you but I didn’t want to play it in front of a crowd either. Well, besides your family. They don’t count. Then I got into a fight with Floch about you and I didn’t want to wait anymore.”

“That fight with Floch was about me?”

Eren nodded before he looked away from Mikasa. “Look, Mikasa, we both suck at communication and I know a song isn’t going to fix anything. I know I still have a long road in front of me but I want the end of that road to end with you.”

“It won’t,” Mikasa said.

Eren’s heart began to break.

He nodded.

He understood.

“It shouldn’t be like that. I’m not a goal, Eren. That was the problem before. I want to be beside you while you’re going down that long road.”

They made eye contact again.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, we should be equals, remember?”

He stared at her.

“I still love you,” Eren finally said after a moment.

“I know,” she smiled at him.

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Eren asked her.

Mikasa laughed.

“Maybe,” she said before she bit her lip.

“I showed you those movies! I should get to say I know. I can’t believe this,” he teased her.

“You broke our date so you deserve it.” Mikasa picked up a pillow from her bed and hugged it. She finally noticed Eren’s backpack was on the floor. “So I take it you’re staying here? What if I received the song badly?”

“I knew you wouldn’t. I do know you.”

“Not well enough to know you should just tell me shit.” She took the pillow she was holding and gently hit him with it.

“Really? What are you? Nine again?” he scoffed.

She hit him again.

“Okay! Now it’s on!”

Eren grabbed a pillow off of Mikasa’s bed and hit her back with it.

She ran and threw the door open to the bedroom.

Eren continued to chase her.

They ran past Levi and Hange in the living room as they swung pillows wildly at one another.

Levi just sighed as Hange laughed.

Their chase continued.

Armin was talking with Sasha in the kitchen as Mikasa ran around the table.

She had hoped to lose Eren that way.

It wasn’t effective.

He stayed right behind her.

She swung at him again and accidentally hit Sasha with the pillow.

“Hey! That was me!” Sasha yelled as Mikasa retreated from the kitchen.

“Sorry!” Mikasa yelled back. Eren was too close now.

Sawney and Bean gave into the nonsense as they chased Eren and Mikasa.

Levi sighed louder as they passed him and Hange’s laughter grew too.

Mikasa ran towards the sun room and quickly made a turn towards the basement at the last s econd.

Ymir, Annie, and Historia poked their heads out of the sun room.

“Are they running with pillows?” Annie’ asked.

“Yeah, looks like it,” Ymir answered.

“That’s cute!” Historia squealed.

Mikasa ran down the stairs and just as she was about to step down on the bottom step, Eren grabbed her by her waist. He threw her over his shoulder, causing her to drop the pillow. He held her with one arm before grabbing the dropped pillow. He held two pillows in one hand while keeping Mikasa on his shoulder with the other.

Mikasa was impressed.

“Did you get stronger?” She asked as Eren climbed the stairs with her draped over his shoulders.

“Physical therapy. I started going to the gym more afterwards too.”

“Remember that time I threw you over my shoulder?” She asked as he walked from the basement stairs to the upstairs staircase.

“Yeah, this payback.”

“Only it’s what….seven years late?”

“That is besides the point.”

“I can still pick you up though.”

“Oh, I’m well aware.”

“You still don’t have a butt,” she remarked as she poked him in the back.

“I’m glad to know you’re looking at my ass right now.”

“You should stop skipping leg day.”

“I don’t skip leg day!”

They arrived back at Mikasa’s room.

Eren gently sat her down on the bed.

“I thought about dropping you but that would have been mean. You’re more of the one to do that,” He teased her.

“Hey, you deserved it. You were trying to pick a fight and I put an end to it.”

“Yeah, by picking me up like a toddler,” he scoffed as he sat back down next to her.

“Then don’t act like a toddler.”

“Well, don’t make other guys be interested in you!”

“Wait...is that why you always picked a fight with Jean?”

Eren went red before he scratched the back of his head. “I thought that was kind of obvious.”

“Wait, Eren….how long did you have a crush on me?”

Eren turned a new shade of red.

This was not a conversation they had had before.

“Uh..um...a while?”

“Eren….”

He sighed for a moment before he looked away from her. “Same day that I gave you that scarf,” he finally answered.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I could tell you didn’t feel the same. I mean we were nine. It didn’t really matter.”

“I thought you were a prince, saving me for Daz. I...I felt the same way.”

Eren looked back at her. “We’re really bad at this.”

“Yeah, but we’ve got time. Besides, maybe instead of just writing songs we should talk. I just...I don’t want to annoy you.”

“You never annoy me. I mean sometimes I get mad because I thought you saw me as this child who couldn’t do anything. I thought you thought I was stupid and useless. I don’t know. I just wanted to prove myself to you back then. So I’d get mad.”

“I’ve never thought you were useless. I thought you were stupid for what you did and how you couldn’t see my feelings for you.”

“We’ve wasted a lot of time, huh?” Eren asked.

“Doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s better that we’ve had to go through all that. Now we can try again.”

“So, how do we do this?”

It felt all too familiar.

“I don’t have the slightest clue,” Mikasa laughed again.

“I really missed hearing you laugh,” he confessed.

Mikasa blushed.

“I guess...we do it right this time. But you...you need to read the letter and look at the flash drive. Just not while I’m here.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing.”

“Okay, I’ll wait then.”

“Then you can call me and we’ll go from there.”

Mikasa nodded, “what about tonight?”

“Tonight….I’m going to kick your ass in video games,” Eren said before he switched on the tv and console. He grabbed a controller and handed her the other one.

“Hey! I’ve got better. Do you not see my rankings?” She asked.

“Yeah, yeah but that’s not against me,” he smirked as he sat back down on the bed.

“Bring it on,” she said.

The game began.

#mmtylif #my writing

[darylwillfightnatureforcarol]

Wouldn’t It Be Fun To Run Away, Just You and Me? Chapter 5

Here is chapter 5. I noticed when editing this 5 minutes ago that I literally wrote the ‘I’m never gonna hate you line’. Wrote this months and months ago lol. Kang and I think alike apparently. 

Description: Daryl wakes holding Carol. 

Carol has a nightmare which prompts some truths to be revealed. 

Wouldn’t It Be Fun To Run Away, Just You and Me? 

Daryl woke to a sensation of comfort he hadn’t felt in years. He felt so warm, secure, and surrounded by an intoxicating scent of vanilla.

He nuzzled in closer to the scent, his arm curling tighter around the soft thing he was holding.

He heard a quiet moan and froze.

Shit.

His eyes snapped open and they struggled to adjust to the darkness. Soon he could make out the shape of Carol in front of him.

God, he hoped she was still asleep. He knew she wanted him near but not this near where he was practically on top of her.

He pulled away as gently as he could but found he couldn’t move far as Carol’s hand grabbed onto his arm, holding it in place. He huffed and stopped trying to get away.

He could definitely get his arm free if he really wanted to but doing so would probably wake her and that was something he did not want to do.

Carol had slept through the night and that was a miracle in itself. He was no stranger to sharing a sleeping space with her and he knew she was prone to nightmares.

When they had been on the road after the loss of the farm, he had been woken frequently by her thrashing during the night, whilst she had been in the throes of a terrifying nightmare. He never got angry with or blamed her, though she had always been apologetic. The apology was unneeded because he got nightmares too.

It was almost like some cosmic thing had read his mind because immediately, after he thought about it, Carol began to move.

He could see that she was still asleep but there were tears falling from her closed eyes and she began to whimper.

Daryl’s heart ached at seeing her in such distress. He knew there were many possibilities to what she could be dreaming about.

This woman had faced so much loss and atrocities that it always amazed him how she managed to keep going on. She inspired him in ways she didn’t even know. If it hadn’t been for her, he was sure he would have given up long before now.

He hated to think she was reliving any of the things he knew she had been through. She didn’t need that shit.

“Hey,” Daryl called to her as he gently shook her arm.

He didn’t want to startle her because he knew how terrifying it could be to be ripped from a nightmare and not know what was real or not.

She didn’t wake though, and her crying seemed to become worse. A sob broke through her mouth.

“Carol,” he tried a little louder but didn’t shake her any harder than he had been.

Almost immediately her eyes snapped open and she gasped for air. Her eyes whirred around wildly in fear.

He put his hand on her face gently and hushed her. Her eyes finally settled on him and she let out a breath. She shut her eyes and slumped to the ground.

“Hey, you alright?” Daryl asked softly as he watched her try to catch her breath.

Carol sighed and sat up slowly, raising her hands to rub at her eyes.

“Yeah. Sorry,” she answered as she wiped the rest of the tears away.

He shook his head at her guilty expression.

“Told ya a million damn times, you don’t gotta apologise for waking me,” he admonished in a soft voice.

She pursed her lips and looked down at her hands. She still seemed out of it.

“You wanna talk about it?” he offered, not wanting to force her to talk.

No matter how much he might want to know what was haunting her, he wanted her to tell him herself.

There were a lot of things she hadn’t told him, and it still burned him that she hadn’t opened up to him about them.

They used to be close enough that they had known practically everything about each other, at least in this world.

Then Rick had kicked her out, the prison had fallen, and everyone scattered. Things were never the same after that.

“No,” Carol said, and his shoulders slumped in defeat that she wouldn’t lean on him.

He guessed they’d never get back the confidence between them that once was.

He was getting ready to excuse himself to go piss or hunt or something, to give her the space she wanted, when her voice came again.

“But I think I need to,” her broken voice spoke, and he snapped his head back to look at her in surprise.

He had been sure that she was going to close up on him again. He tried not to seem too eager.

“Ya can tell me anythin’. I ain’t going nowhere,” Daryl vowed as he settled back in his spot and waited.

She watched him for a moment before she sucked in some air. When she let it out, she chuckled, but he could tell there was no humour in it.

“This isn’t going to be easy for me. I know you wondered for a long time. I thought that if I didn’t talk about it, I could just forget it. It didn’t work though,” Carol started, and Daryl listened, not interrupting her. He thought he knew what she was going to reveal.

One of the biggest things she had never told him was what happened with Tyreese and the girls before Terminus. He knew it haunted her. Whatever happened must have been awful and had ended with the loss of the two little girls in her charge.

“I went back to the prison and found it in ruins. After that I followed what tracks I could see. There were so many, but I stuck to the ones that were the clearest. Soon I found the girls. Lizzie was trying to keep Judith quiet, but she was practically suffocating her,” Carol’s voice shook when she said Lizzie’s name.

Daryl was shocked to hear that the girl could have killed Judith.

“They told me Tyreese was with them, so we went and found him. We travelled for a while, deciding to follow the train tracks. Mika was excited about finding Terminus. I wasn’t so sure about it. We kept going until we found a little house.” Carol’s gaze had darkened, and Daryl knew they were getting to the real horrible part of the story.

“It was pretty safe and there was plenty of food, so many pecan trees. Tyreese and I discussed it and decided we’d probably stay there, at least for a while. I didn’t trust Terminus and Tyreese wasn’t really keen on finding more people, so I thought this was our best bet. We went out to get water one day and left Judith with Lizzie and Mika. They had guns and knives so we were pretty confident they could handle being alone for a little while,” Carol stopped and shook her head, her hands pulling at loose threads on the ends of her shirt.

Daryl watched the action but didn’t say anything. He would allow her the time she needed to get this out.

There were tears welling in her eyes.

“When we got back Mika was dead. Lizzie was standing nearby with a bloody knife,” Carol practically whispered.

Daryl flinched at the words, struggling to accept the fact that she was telling him.

The girl had killed her own sister?

“She told us that Mika would come back. I didn’t see it until it was too late. She didn’t see the walkers like we see them. She thought they were just different. We caught her playing with one and she freaked out when we killed it. She thought it was her friend.”

“What the fuck?” he couldn’t help from uttering.

Carol looked at him and nodded.

“Back at the prison, you remember those dissected rats we found? That was her. There was a lot wrong with her, but I never could have imagined how bad it was or what could happen,” she ran a hand through her short curls.

Daryl couldn’t believe how much worse her tale kept getting and he had begun to understand how traumatised she had been.

“She had her gun out and wouldn’t let us put Mika down. She told us that she had been about to kill Judith too. I had to think fast, and I told her that Judith was too young because she couldn’t walk yet. It talked her down enough that we could get Judith away from her. I convinced her that we would wait for Mika to turn and convinced her to come pick some flowers for Mika when she came back,” Carol’s hands had started to shake, and he reached out to take one in his.

She looked at him and he gave her a nod and a squeeze of her hand.

“We walked to a patch of wild-flowers. She talked like nothing strange had happened. When she noticed how upset I was, she thought I was mad at her for pointing her gun at me,” Carol said incredulously.

“I told her to look at the flowers. It was what Mika and Ryan always told her to do to get her to calm down. It worked. She looked at the wild-flowers, still crying. I had no choice. She was dangerous! Maybe more dangerous than walkers. She couldn’t be around people,” Carol rambled tearfully, her words coming out between gasps.

Daryl squeezed her hand again, reminding her that he was there for her.

“I told her I loved her, and I shot her in the back of the head,” she finished with a cry and she collapsed, sobbing openly.

Daryl sighed and tugged on her hand, pulling her into his arms.

She buried her head into his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt.

His mind continued to process the horrifying events she had revealed to him. He looked skyward momentarily and glared. One more reason to hate the world for what it did to her.

“I understand if you hate me now, Daryl. I hate me for it,” her words came muffled by his shirt.

He shook his head and pressed a kiss to the top of hers.

“I ain’t never gonna hate ya. It wasn’t your fault. You said it yourself, you had no choice. You did what ya had to do. You saved Judith and Tyreese.” Daryl told her and he felt her nodding against him, still sniffling.

“I know, but it still haunts me. Every time I think about it, I think of these things. I know there was nothing that could have been done but I still drive myself crazy trying to re-do it differently,” she confessed.

Daryl pushed her back so he could see her.

She looked up at him with her face red and blotchy from her tears.

“You can’t do that to yourself. It was a shit situation and ya did what ya had to. It’s probably never going stop haunting ya but now I know, and I want ya to promise me that whenever its gettin at ya to tell me. It don’t matter if we don’t talk about it. If all you wanna do is cry, then ya can but ya ain’t crying alone. It’s you and me now, right? Well, that means if you’re crying, we’re crying together,” Daryl ordered gruffly, and she laughed despite the tears still staining her face.

He quirked his lips in response.

She wiped her face and then went back in and hugged him.

“Thank you,” Carol murmured into his neck.

He brought his hand up to bury into her short curls at the base of her neck.

“’Course. You don’t gotta thank me,” he answered against the side of her face.

“Yes, I do. You’re always so good to me. I don’t deserve it,” she said into his neck.

Daryl couldn’t believe her words. If anything, he was the one who didn’t deserve her.

“Ya deserve everything good. If I could I’d take all that shit from ya so it didn’t eat ya up so much,” Daryl confessed honestly.

She deserved to be happy more than anyone.

She didn’t respond, just held tighter.

He pushed her back and she looked at him curiously.

He felt he needed to do something. Something to show her that she wasn’t alone. That they had all done bad stuff. Not of the same magnitude but none of them were saints.

“Long as we’re being honest right now, I got some stuff to tell ya too,” Daryl started.

Carol looked surprised but intrigued.

This wasn’t going to be easy for him either. He may not have dealt with the shit show Carol had but he had some dark stuff she didn’t know.

“When the prison fell ya know I got out with Beth.”

She nodded at his words, so he continued.

“Well, at first we just ran until we were sure nothin’ was chasing us. When we were finally able to stop, she wanted to go back. See if anyone else was alive. I’d already decided that everyone was dead. I shut down,” Daryl said feeling guilt fill him again for how he had treated the girl who had been hurting already.

Carol continued to watch him, and he could see no judgement from her yet.

“I treated her like shit. She got some idea in her head to go find booze. I don’t think it was the booze she was really looking for, she just wanted something to do. We found the shack Michonne and I found back when we were out looking for the Governor. Ton of Moonshine,” Daryl revealed, and Carol’s eyes widened.

“Moonshine? Really?” Carol asked with a raised brow.

Daryl let out a half laugh.

“Yeah. It was a bad idea of course. Alcohol and me don’t mix well,” he said, inwardly cringing when he thought back to how much of an asshole he was that night.

Carol’s brow furrowed and her eyes filled with sympathy.

“What happened?” she prompted.

“She wanted to play this stupid game. I never or some shit,” he frowned, remembering the hurtful things he had said to Beth.

“Never have I ever?” Carol prompted again.

Daryl nodded.

“That’s it. It went alright at first. Just making stupid comments about shit. One of the things she said pissed me off though. She said ‘never have I ever been in jail.’ It hurt that she thought that about me even though it ain’t that far-fetched. The way I am? Of course, she would assume that,” Daryl said looking away to the side.

He looked rough as guts and with Merle as a brother, no wonder anyone would assume he was just as bad.

Carol made a noise of dissent and she reached out her hand to rest it on his knee.

“Daryl,” she sighed in a sympathetic voice.

He shook his head at her.

“It’s alright. Anyway, I went off on her and said a ton of shit I didn’t mean. We made up, sort of, in the end. Set the shack on fire with cash and moonshine. It was her idea,” Daryl explained with a smirk, thinking back.

Carol gasped and her eyes lit up with recognition.

“The smoke! When we were at the house, we saw smoke coming from somewhere not too far. God, if only we’d known how close we were,” Carol marvelled, shaking her head.

Daryl found it mind blowing too. All that time he had spent thinking she had been dead, and she was practically around the corner.

“I know it ain’t nothing like what ya went through, but I just wanted ya to see that we all do shit we regret,” Daryl explained, feeling a little silly for trying to use such a weak tale in comparison to hers.

She grabbed his hand and brought to her lips where she kissed it gently. He watched her do it with surprise.

“Thank you. It might not be the same but if it haunts you, I want to know it,” Carol affirmed.

With renewed conviction he decided to confess some other sins.

“I joined up with a group of psychos after I lost Beth. I didn’t care anymore. I just stuck with them even though I knew they were bad news. They had these stupid fuckin’ rules to follow and for a while I thought it was easier. I didn’t realise how bad they were until they had Rick, Michonne and Carl at gunpoint and one of them was about to fuckin’ rape Carl!” Daryl spat with disgust, thinking back to the night in question.

Carol looked horrified.

“What happened? How did you guys make it out?” she coaxed looking enraptured.

He grinned a little at that.

“What d’ya think happened? Rick fucking Grimes! He bit the fucker’s throat out,” Daryl exclaimed, remembering how terrifying yet satisfying it had been to see it go down.

Carol smiled fondly, not even seeming a bit disgusted by the thought.

He guessed they both knew how unstable their friend and brother could be sometimes.

“Next there’s Glenn. I know ya gonna say it weren’t my fault but ya don’t know the whole story. It is my fault that he was there at all. I went off looking for Dwight so I could kill ‘im for Denise. Glenn, Michonne, and Rosita followed me. It’s my fault they were captured. Glenn tried to get me to come home, to let it go but I couldn’t or I wouldn’t. If I had’ve just gone back with them, none of ‘em would have been there that night at all,” Daryl confessed feeling tears welling in his eyes.

He would never forgive himself for Glenn. For punching Negan which led to his death.

“Negan made it clear straight up that if anyone did anythin’, he’d kill someone. I just couldn’t fuckin’ stand it! The way he was waving that bat in Rosita’s face with Abraham’s blood and all else on it. All I could remember in that moment was my daddy screaming in my mama’s face and I snapped. I saw red and hit the bastard but that hit cost us Glenn. It’s my damn fault and no one can convince me otherwise!” Daryl cried brokenly.

As soon as they had wrestled him to the ground after the punch, Daryl had been sure this was it for him. He had sent a useless apology and goodbye to Carol, knowing his death would hurt her. He should have known Negan wouldn’t make it that easy on him.

Carol was crying openly now and grabbed his face in her hands gently. She stroked his hair tenderly and brought her forehead to rest against his.

“I know you aren’t going to believe me, but it wasn’t your fault. Maybe you made some bad choices in the moment, but Glenn’s death was not your fault! Negan is the only one responsible for it. HE is the one who killed him! Okay?” Carol ordered him softly, her breath ghosting over his face.

He nodded shakily, knowing, ultimately, she was right, but the guilt would never leave him.

She leant up and kissed him on the forehead as she had done what seemed like a million years ago. She leaned back and gave him a small encouraging smile as she brushed his hair back again.

“You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want to,” Carol told him in a gentle tone.

He shook his head.

“Nah I got a bit more to say,” he said, and she nodded acceptingly, sitting back into her previous position.

He took a steadying breath.

“How I was after I escaped from the Sanctuary. I was nuts, like borderline Shane,” Daryl likened as he remembered how angry and violent he was then. He barely recognised himself when he thought back.

He had just killed people with no thought to it. He’d done it before but that had been about survival. This had been nothing other than he wanted someone to pay no matter the cost.

He cringed in disgust as he remembered Richard. If the man hadn’t slipped up and revealed Carol was the target for his plan, he could have lost her.

“I was killing people left, right and centre, just ‘cause I was pissed at the world. I killed Morales from the quarry. He was a Saviour. Was gonna kill Rick. I didn’t even hesitate. Just shot a bolt right through his head. The way Rick looked at me,” He shook his head. Rick had looked at him like he was a stranger and to be honest, he was.

Carol looked surprised to hear that the man from their old quarry camp had shown up again. He knew that Sophia had been friends with the man’s daughter, who had obviously also died somewhere along the way.

“Sorry. I know you was probably friends with him back then,” Daryl apologised, and Carol blinked in seeming surprise.

“Don’t be sorry. You saved Rick. Maybe you acted out of your anger, but the fact remains that you still saved your best friend and that’s what matters. Besides, if he was a saviour, then I clearly wouldn’t have known him anymore,” She said encouragingly with no waver.

He nodded in acceptance. He dropped his gaze from her as he thought of Richard again. He needed to tell her.  “I could have killed you too,” He confessed, and he watched as her eyebrows shot up. There was no accusation in her gaze just confusion.

“Richard came to me to get me in on his plan. He wanted to use some survivor as a martyr to get Ezekiel into the fight against the saviours. When he told me, it sounded like a good deal. All I wanted was Negan taken out so if this got another player on our side? I was all for it,” Daryl started remembering how it hadn’t seemed like much of a sacrifice for him. Some unknown person died so they could have more power to fight Negan. Who cares?

“He fucked up though. He let it slip that this survivor was a woman. That she had more balls than him and me combined. Knew it was you then,” Daryl let a little smile come across his lips at that. That was a damn true statement.

Carol cheeks coloured a little as she looked down sheepishly.

“I made him confess that it was you and then I told him if anything happened to ya I’d fucking kill him,” he said seriously.

“Apparently the message didn’t get through as he tried to flag down the Saviours that were coming to keep the plan going. I beat the shit out of him and went to come see ya,” Daryl confessed, and Carol’s eyes softened.

“Thank you,” she said with gratitude clear on her face.

He looked away from her but nodded. He didn’t believe her thanks was necessary for something that came so automatically from him. Protecting her was like second nature to him.

“I don’t just mean for stopping Richard, I mean for telling me all these things. I know how hard it is for you to open up. It means a lot that you told me,” Carol clarified with pride shining in her eyes for his apparent courageous move.

He blushed and chewed his lip.

“Ain’t nothing. Should’ve told ya a long time ago,” Daryl argued.

He had kept too much from her, which, he now realised, was part of why they had drifted apart.

“Me too. I should have told you that night we had watch. I knew you wanted me to tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t,” she agreed, with a guilty look.

He shook his head.

“It’s all out there now. That’s what matters. How ‘bout this? From now on, we don’t keep nothing from each other?” Daryl suggested sounding a little unsure.

Carol smiled as she seemed to think it over.

“Okay, deal.”

#caryl #carylers #caryl on #caryl positivity #caryl fanfiction #caryl fanfic #carol and daryl #daryl and carol #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #carol peletier #daryl dixon

[bayrut]

Since you clearly are on tumblr right now... top 5 Mika songs?

me: *clearly working*

sanju: mentions mika

me: DID SOMEONE SAY MIKA

--------------------------------------------

no but i was not ~on~ tumblr i just needed to make a mika post because i listen to music during data analysis

ok mika has A Lot of Good Songs but here are 5 good ones @ mika i apologize for picking only 5, and i am so sorry most i picked are old but i grew up on Life in Cartoon Motion so I picked a lot from that era but his new stuff is BEAUTIFUL

1. Grace Kelly (can you believe he wrote it because he was told that by record labels that he wouldn’t be able to do real pop music???? and he made that masterpiece just because he was bitter?? and it literally pop perfection??)

2. We are golden (the video... i love my chaotic tall clumsy son)

3. Blame it on the girls (the video is genius, and i love the story)

4. Happy Ending (everytime i hear it it’s Breakdown Mode Activated TM)

5. Tomorrow (ok i know it’s not deep lyrics wide but it’s beautiful and his voice??)

I am so sorry and I apologize to: Love today, Stardust, Promisland,Over my shoulder, Lollipop (yes even after i discovered what it really means), We are Young, Lola, Underwater, Celebrate (the version WITHOUT pharrell), Elle me dit, Talk about You, Good guys, Rio, No place in heaven, staring at the sun (tant que j'ai le soleil), Tiny Love, San Remo, シドと白昼夢

rip i am gonna regret all those decision 1 sec after i publish this bu i have rewritten this ask 3 times already so i’m gonna just hit publi-

#all mika songs except emily #ice cream #and most importantly #boum boum boum #have rights #@ mika you and hummus are probably the only good things that i associate with lebanon #thank you for this ask #let me knwo what are your faves pls i need to know #asks #hilaryezra

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume Five, Number 10

The Hammered Hulls

Time again for a load of short, mostly positive reviews of records that caught our attention at least for a little while. This edition is typically wide ranging with free jazz, teen garage pop, piano experiments, acoustic guitar picking and goth-y post punk all jockeying for your ear. It’s not just obscurities this time around either, as Ian Mathers looks for the solid core of the National’s over-long latest, while Jen Kelly makes peace with the Futureheads. Participants besides these two include Bill Meyer, Andrew Forell, Nate Knaebel and Justin Cober-Lake.

CP Unit—Riding Photon Time (Eleatic Records)

Riding Photon Time by CP Unit

CP Unit, an evolving ensemble formed around saxophonist Chris Pitsiokis, exhilarates live, the sound anchored by antic, twitching, faster-than-advisable-but-nailed-anyway bass, complicated patterns of percussion and abstract slashes of guitar. Live, the music is colored rather than dominated, by the urgent, chaotic energy of the proprietor on horn. A late summer set at the Root Cellar in Greenfield, MA left me gasping. Riding Photon Time captures the same band I saw—Pitsiokis, Sam Lisabeth on guitar, Henry Fraser on bass and Jason Nazary on drums (which is different from the line-up Derek Taylor reviewed here )— in two fiery 2018 live settings. The first half of the disc was recorded at the Moers Festival in Germany in May, the second at the Unlimited Music Festival in November. “Once Upon a Time Called Now,” from the earlier set, captures the spare, rippling tension between Pitsiokis’ free-ranging inquiries and Nazary’s intricate but grounded rhythms; they duel for a couple of minutes before the rest of the band enters. The cut also foregrounds Fraser’s restless, rampaging bass work, carving a headlong through line in the squall and storm. “Seasick,” from the November show, gives space to Lisabeth’s guitar, lyrical in a tilted, offkilter way, the tones bouncing off Pitsiokis’ sax melody in loose conjunction and counterpoint. My only complaint is that the mix favors melody, zooming in on the sax and obscuring, somewhat, the fascinating interplay between drum and bass. In most bands, that’d be fine, but in this case, the rhythm is just too good to hide. 

Jennifer Kelly

 Eluvium — Pianoworks (Temporary Residence Ltd)

Matthew Cooper has done enough things under his Eluvium moniker that even those only mildly acquainted with his work might not be surprised that he’s put out an album of solo piano compositions; they might, however, be surprised to find out that Pianoworks is the second such Eluvium album, after 2004’s An Accidental Memory in Case of Death. That record, coming after the striking (and often noisy) debut effort Lambent Material served to establish that Cooper wasn’t going to be restrained by genre, form or instrument. Here, having accomplished an awful lot over the past 15+ years it’s fitting that Cooper appears to be in a more contemplative, even melancholy mood. Whether it’s the gently rippling “Underwater Dream” or the brightly rounded runs of “Carrier 32”, Pianoworks serves as a reminder that Cooper can stop you in your tracks with the simplest of setups, if he chooses. (And for those really a fan of his piano work, the deluxe version features an extra disc of new versions of practically all the previous Eluvium piano pieces as well.)  

Ian Mathers  

 Frieda’s Roses — Jessica Triangle (Mika)

The three women of Frieda’s Roses—that’s Greta Fannin, Ava Miller and Poppy Lang—aren’t even in high school yet; their ages range from 13 to 15. And yet, this debut album, Jessica Triangle, is a marvel of minor key garage pop, raucous and wistful at the same time. Its bristly onslaught of guitars guards a tender center. You also realize, about halfway through the album, that teen girl pop has changed since the last time you looked, and the subject matter here is rather empowered. In a very strong middle section, “Isadora Giving” chides a girl for being too accommodative (“She’s kind in the way of giving things away”), while the stand-out “Lucy Poe” celebrates the complexity and intelligence of a young woman (“She’s happy and not/at the same time.”) “Forever Defend Her Story” recounts the ordinariness of sexual assault and the way women are blamed for it. The songs are bright and dark simultaneously laying in the pretty vocals of, say, Grass Widow, atop a raucous, acerbic foundation. There’s no way you’d know, without reading the coverage, how young this band is. They sound like they’ve been doing it forever.

Jennifer Kelly

 The Futureheads — Powers (Nul)

Back at the old Dusted, I wrote perhaps my most vicious review ever about the Futureheads’ second album, News and Tributes. It was disappointment speaking — I’d genuinely liked their taut, fizzy debut — when I said, “Now, with News and Tributes, the sad truth emerges. The Futureheads were lean from hunger, not discipline. With opportunity, they tend toward the flabbiest sort of excess.” Well, 13 years have passed, and I no longer expect anything from the Futureheads. I’d forgotten they existed, to be honest, but their latest album, Powers, is kind of fun. Much of what made the debut such a pleasure—the tightly wound guitars, the unexpectedly complicated vocal counterparts, the exuberant avowal of depressing ideas—is here, too. “Electric Shock” trips all the wires (ahem) by itself, with its zingy guitar and drum cadence, its densely harmonized vocals and its celebration of an extreme form of mental health therapy (“When I got my electric shock/it knocked me off my feet”). “Jekyll” punches, stings and tantalizes, its hoarse, wracked northern lead pillowed by giddy oohs and ohs. “Can you control your transformations?” asks the singer Barry Hyde, and then the song itself transforms itself, turning into a popcorning cacophony of closely aligned vocals. Even the willfully positive, good time anthem, “Good Night Out” ripples with existential angst; it’s only a feel good song if you don’t listen too closely. And yet, there’s a great deal of joy in these tight, complicated songs. They burst into flames as you listen, leaving spots in your eyes from the brightness and the bitter taste of ash.

Jennifer Kelly

 Hammered Hulls — S/T (Dischord)

S/T by Hammered Hulls

Perhaps it's a bit lazy to toss out the old "super group" appellation; but, come on, if you're even a moderate follower of that thing we call indie rock, you have to recognize the extraordinary line-up of Hammered Hulls for what it is. With DC hardcore royalty Alec MacKaye on vocals, newly minted arena rocker Mary Timony on bass, Chris Wilson of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists fame (among other outfits) on drums, and Des Demona/Pink Monkey Bird Chris Cisneros on guitar, Hammered Hulls represents an undeniably impressive assemblage of rockers. If any individual band member's musical history comes to the fore here, though, it's probably MacKaye's, as the band trades in a brawny yet cunningly complex punk that recalls the musical revelations delivered by Dischord's first blasts of post-hardcore creativity. And while this is clearly a team effort, each sonic component is worthy of the listeners attention as much as the superlative whole. Though two of the three tracks clock in at just over a minute, indicating that at least in spirit the band isn't denying its past, the practically byzantine by comparison (coming in at almost four minutes) "Written Words" hints at the potential Hammered Hulls has to be more than just a spirited one-off by some friends with impressive resumes. This single should leave everyone desperate for more.  

Nate Knaebel  

 HTRK — Venus In Leo (Ghostly International)

Australian duo HTRK’s latest Venus In Leo is a collection of electro-acoustic minimalism characterized by a woozy shimmer reminiscent of Mark Nelson’s work as Pan American. Jonnine Standish and Nigel Yang have stripped their music to the bare bones. A heartbeat throb, sparse percussion, occasional washes of synth and Yang’s simple guitar strums underpin Standish’s voice mixed to the fore on nine songs redolent with damaged longing. There is a rawness of emotion and acute observation of small domestic moments recorded with an intimacy that draws the listener close. Influenced by dub’s use of space, echo and silence Yang and Standish achieve a feeling of momentum to evoke quiet turmoil. Their miniaturization of Missy Elliott’s “Hit ‘Em Wit Da Hee” takes repeated lyrical snippets from the original and turns the song into a ghostly waltz. “What's up star? /We know who you are/Shit, no shit I thought you hadn't noticed.” Venus In Leo’s unadorned modesty is at times devastating.

Andrew Forell

  Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster — Take Heart, Take Care (Big Legal Mess)

Songwriter Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster frames his new album Take Heart, Take Care as the result of an artistic problem. He'd become used to writing dark songs, until he found he was content and had mostly good things to say. It's a false dilemma, of course. Any number of artists have built not only albums but careers on encouragement (see the War and Treaty as an example of a current act doing it really, really well). The real trap for Kinkel-Schuster was to avoid get treacly in his new mood, and he successfully avoids that snare.

His performances rely on his patience — he's content, remember, but not exuberant. He builds his songs comfortably within his context, but he doesn't jump on them. When he sings, “There's plenty of wonder in this world still to be found,” on the opener, his ease prevents it from sounding like a naïve epiphany. Kinkel-Schuster's Americana-influenced indie-rock comes carefully constructed, but only to make space for that heart to come through. It's a songwriter's record, easy melodies supported by well-balanced guitars. It's the singer not the guitars who have done their processing. The record and its bright sound create a warm space and sit down in it. Kinkel-Schuster may have found his ease, but his desire to share it quickly becomes apparent.

Justin Cober-Lake

 Longriver—Of Seasons (Hullaballou)

Of Seasons by Longriver

David Longoria of Longriver picks nimbly at his guitar, plucking out porch blues-y tunes that are steeped in tradition but freshly imagined. Not quite spare, his tunes are abetted by a crew of Texas regulars, songwriters Sarah LaPuerta of Strange Paradise and Lindsey Verrill of Little Mazarn, Evan Joyce and Colin Gilmore, as well as composer/percussionist Thor Harris. Though mostly acoustic guitar and voice, his sound is filled out with harmonica, soft percussion and twining communal harmonies. His songs run at a mid-temperature folky pace, so soft spoken and unassuming enough to elide one into the other, and honestly, don’t quite catch fire until late in the album when ghostly, lovely “Texas Doesn’t Care” comes along. This one uses all the tools, an aching pedal steel guitar, some silvery electric keyboards, punchy drums and fiddle. It also contains the prettiest melody of the disc, fluttered out in a high, not quite falsetto quaver. A few more like this and Texas might sit up and take notice.

Jennifer Kelly

 Lunaires — If All the Ice Melted (Shades of Sound/Wave Records)

IF ALL THE ICE MELTED by Lunaires

If All the Ice Melted is a highly polished blend of cold wave, goth and stadium synthpop. This first outing from Milan post-punk Jeunesse d’Ivoire veterans Patrizia Tranchina (vocals) and Danilo Carnevale (guitars, programming, synths) evokes the heyday of 4AD bands such as The Cocteau Twins, Xmal Deutschland and Dead Can Dance. Here, Tranchina ruminates on loss, mortality and nature’s power as Carnevale constructs dreamy electronic soundscapes with sparklingly clean guitar lines twinkling above. The results are lovely but polite. The edges have been sandpapered to nothing and the dust swept away. “Mirror Trancefix” stands out precisely because it has that grit — the drum programming a little ragged, the bass dirty, the guitars cutting. Otherwise the gloss creates an emotional distance, which may be the point but discourages complete engagement with Tranchina’s often affecting vocals. If All the Ice Melts sounds good, and if it never quite breaks out there’s enough here to enjoy and look forward to what Lunaires could do with a little less restraint.

Andrew Forell

  Bill Nace & Chik White—Eel (all parts) / Wild Wire (Open Mouth)

The news that Bill Nace (Body / Head, Vampire Belt) has picked up an acoustic guitar and sat down to jam with a jaw harpist might give some cause for pause. Is he going American Primitive, or maybe going skiffle? Spoiler alert — the ghosts of John Fahey and Lonnie Donegan will not hear their names called when you play this record. But play it you will, and for only the best of reasons. First of all, it’s a seven-inch, black vinyl single, and no one buys such things anymore unless they really, really love them. But this one does more to earn your affection than merely exist. On the a-side, White’s orally organized vibrations and Nace’s persistent smacks on prepared strings stir up a constellation of buzzing sounds that’ll reliably destabilize your equilibrium without getting you fired when the Feds drop by to drop everyone on the work floor. The flip combines broad feedback ribbons with intermittent glottal eruptions to create a sonic sweat lodge experience so deep that you’ll be unloading all your Scientology machines on e-bay, all issues resolved.

Bill Meyer

  The National — I Am Easy to Find (4AD)

The National have been getting expansive recently (with the instrumentation and their runtimes, among other things), and who can blame them? Having attained the kind of big-venue prominence that means either you start lapsing into the version of yourself the hecklers always claimed you were (an especially slippery potential slope for a band like this one, so precisely emotionally calibrated and so close to being the bad kind of dad rock) or you start just going for it. The latter approach served them mostly well on Sleep Well Beast a few years ago, but this time finally feels like the kind of record that the National needed to make for their own progress more than one that’s necessarily fully successful. One absolutely successful move is the series of accompanying singers (“backing” seems almost disrespectful for what Gail Ann Dorsey and Lisa Hannigan, among others, bring to these songs), and the expanded studio palette first highlighted on Beast is still mostly working for them. There’s even a quick comparison in the form of old fan favorite “Rylan,” which still sounds great here. Ultimately what doesn’t quite settle right is just the sheer length, bulk, and discursiveness of the album, complete with accompanying film, brief interludes by the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, interpolating a Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 song into a track that was already too long and feeling that somewhere within these 63 minutes is a really killer 40 minute or so album just waiting to be carved out. Eight albums in, things could be a lot worse.  

Ian Mathers  

 Reduction Plan — (Ae)Maeth (Redscroll Records / Dune Altar)

(Ae) Maeth by Reduction Plan

Reduction Plan swells to epic size in this sixth full-length, turning the darkwave, synth-heavy aesthetic laid out in the five previous albums into an enveloping, shimmering, near-post-metal overload. Daniel Manning, the band’s single member, worked with Swans/Walkman producer Kevin McMahon this time, a move which transformed his Cure-circa-Disintegration gloom into a weighted, gleaming edifice. “An Act of Self Immolation” sets the tone with giant masses of guitar sound that tower and lumber. Unencumbered by vocals, it’s more like Pelican than gothy-post-punk. “The River” hews closer to new wave, with its clean, chiming synth tones, gate-reverbed drums and echoey vocals — there’s a nice smouldery sax solo in this one, too — but still looms and glowers with a palpable heaviness. “Ae Maeth,” at the end, brings on Jae Matthews from Boy Harsher for added vocals, a kindred spirit in reviving music at the intersection of dance, goth and industrial; the album’s longest cut slows the thump of dance floor into a desolate cadence that can’t and won’t stave off destruction.

Jennifer Kelly

 Rosenau & Sanborn — Bluebird (Psychic Hotline)

Bluebird by Rosenau & Sanborn

The house on the cover of this LP is surrounded by fallen leaves. But even though it depicts the location of this recording, and that recording took place in October, and they recorded with the windows open, the sounds inside are not particularly autumnal. Chris Rosenau’s (Collections of Colonies of Bees, Volcano Choir) is too quick and eager, Nick Sanborn’s (Sylvan Esso, Megafaun) electronics too effervescent. This music feels like the sun hitting your brow, refracted by heavy air. It feels like the first awareness of escape when you turn off the work phone and start a vacation. Or maybe it just feels like Indian summer. Put it on, put the speakers out the window, and go kick some leaves.

Bill Meyer  

 We Melt Chocolate — We Melt Chocolate (Annibale Records)

we melt chocolate by we melt chocolate

The reanimation of shoegaze pioneers My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive and Ride has brought renewed attention to the genre’s flourishing across Europe, the US, and Japan during their absence. Italian band We Melt Chocolate — that’s Vanessa Billi (voice and synth), Lorenzo Sbisa (guitar), Enrico Baroncelli (guitar), Marco Crowley Corvitto (bass) and Francesco Lopes (drums) — hit all the classic marks on their latest, excellently produced self-titled album. Ethereal vocals, banks of effects laden neo-psychedelic guitar, washes of synth, and a thick bottom end are all present and correct. Taking Loveless as their template, We Melt Chocolate strive for the epic and on tracks like “wishful” and “orange sky” reach it with elegance rather than sheer volume, although turning it up never hurts. We Melt Chocolate probably won’t convert non-believers, but fans of shoegaze and dream pop will find a lot to like here.

Andrew Forell

#dusted magazine #dust #cp unit #jennifer kelly #eluvium #ian mathers #frieda's roses #the futureheads #hammered hulls #nate knaebel #htrk #andrew forell #justin peter kinkel-schuster #justin cober-lake #longriver #the lunaires #bill nace #chik white #bill meyer #the national #reduction plan #rosenau and sanborn #we melt chocolate