#I’m not sure the blogs i reblogged most is accurate but hey—oh well
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I posted 3,278 times in 2022
216 posts created (7%)
3,062 posts reblogged (93%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@crystal-mouse
@damatris
@itsrapsodia
@dsjinspring
I tagged 1,941 of my posts in 2022
Only 41% of my posts had no tags
#star trek - 523 posts
#bnha - 129 posts
#spirk - 104 posts
#star trek tos - 92 posts
#witcher - 84 posts
#q - 79 posts
#ofmd - 31 posts
#spock - 29 posts
#loz - 29 posts
#percy de rolo - 27 posts
Longest Tag: 135 characters
#and new yorkers wouldn’t understand the vibes of 6am down at the hyvee but we don’t talk about that cuz it’s dumb. let ppl enjoy things
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
i mean yeah i know that the reason i’m so drawn in by the maelstrom that is K/S is because their canon story of mutual respect and discovery of both the universe and each other and what both of those things mean to them inside the context of their relationship shows me that yes, indeed there is such a thing as soulmates and yes i know that the presence of such in the world tells me that endings don’t really mean much when you love someone so deeply and on every level able to be conceived of because in the face of such devotion what is death or the nothingness of space, what does the cold mean when you harbor such warmth in your heart
but other than that, can’t imagine why it compels me
179 notes - Posted October 20, 2022
#4
cold mornings
Yeah, it's just fluffy dadmight 😁
Toshinori used to like cold mornings, the brisk air of autumn and winter waking him better than any caffeinated beverage could do. He recalls with fondness frosted dawns and long runs in his youth. He enjoyed pushing his body to its limits in more ways than one, Japanese winters bringing thick snows and cold temperatures, yet still Toshinori would persist.
It has been a long time now since he could say the same of his current self. No, now the cold sends him cowering indoors and under piles of blankets. His priorities have become warm mugs of tea to soothe aching joints and thick socks to keep his feet serviceable with poor circulation.
And yet, he finds himself on this bench at 6 a.m. every weekday morning, watching his boy round a patch of grass encircled by a concrete track.
“One more lap, Izuku!” he yells, hands cupped around his mouth. He has to lower the scarf he keeps wrapped up to his nose to be heard, hands encased in thick mittens as frail snowflakes fall from a clear, blue, winter sky. They accumulate like glitter on the grass, the sun shining like miniature prisms until the accumulation of them is nearly blinding Toshinori. The air is bitingly cold, but still he sits and waits, a thermos full of coffee sitting beside him in wait, too. Izuku waves tiredly, letting Toshinori know he has been heard.
Toshinori smiles.
Shivers are creeping up his spine by the time his boy is done. Izuku drags himself back to the bench with only the very last dredges of his energy, until he finally sits bonelessly at Toshinori’s side, steam wafting off of him in waves. Toshinori is proud of him for sticking to his routine even in the bitter chill and he holds out his hands in wait when Izuku is finally able to lift up his head enough to look over at him.
“Come here.”
Izuku, with limp muscles, lifts his hands up to greet Toshinori’s, and in practiced movements, the man removes two sets of gloves and grasps Izuku’s bare hands. Toshinori’s fingers are warm from the thick fabric and Izuku’s are frigid, kept warm by only exercise and the way he clenches them into fists when he runs.
Toshinori cups Izuku’s cold fingertips between his heated palms and rubs back and forth, blowing warm air onto them in turns. By the way Izuku’s shoulders slump by degrees, Toshinori knows he was right in assuming how the cold will have made old injuries ache. He understands, after all. After he is finished he gives the boy his thicker pair of mittens. Izuku does not protest; they’ve done this enough times, after all.
“Coffee?” Toshinori asks, already pouring the boy a cup from the steaming thermos, the smell of roasted beans wafting into his nose even through the scarf.
Izuku hums. Toshinori has to bite down the urge to laugh at just how little Izuku talks when he’s this tired; this is the only time the boy isn’t talking his ear off about one thing or another. Not that he minds, of course. What was it about variety being the spice of life?
Glitter falls from the sky and they both sit back against the bench, morning cold enveloping them in its embrace, and Toshinori wonders at it all.
No, Toshinori does not like the cold, but he loves his boy, and mornings spent like this make up for any discomfort he could possibly be feeling. After all, he made Izuku a promise to watch over him and raise him, and he can deal with a few low temperatures to do so.
“Thanks, All Might,” Izuku says hoarsely. His face is tilted up towards the sun, soaking in every ray of heat he can possibly find. His breathing has evened. Toshinori eyes the circle of sweat that rounds the neck of his sweatshirt, knowing they should go inside soon so Izuku doesn’t catch a chill.
He smiles. They can wait for a few more minutes.
Toshinori tilts his head up to match, closing his eyes, and together they enjoy what a cold morning can bring.
226 notes - Posted February 2, 2022
#3
obsessed with the cosmic joke that Spock’s lifemate would be Kirk.
my mans spends his entire life trying not to be human, to keep a very prominent space between his Vulcan heritage and the lesser half of himself
only to be thrust under James T. Kirks’s manic, oftentimes mildly suicidal, gut-following command. his ancestors are laughing.
because goddammit he likes it.
280 notes - Posted November 7, 2022
#2
I can’t live peacefully in a world where Jim and Spock don’t grow old together, into forever at each other’s sides, always getting into trouble until one of them finally admits (it’s Spock, on Jim’s disgruntled behalf) that, “Perhaps they should slow down a fraction in their later years”.
Only for their post-space-faring days to be spent torturing the next generation of Starfleet that can’t parse a Vulcan’s dry sense of humor and therefore they think Spock hates them all, until Jim comes in to play ‘good cop’ and pats him on the shoulder as they then speak about the glory days to anyone that will listen.
They’ll be old professors and Spock will enjoy every moment he can sit still and sink into his research while Jim terrorizes whatever starbase they’re on with his younger-than-his-years antics.
They will fall asleep in each other’s arms and always make sure to catch at least one meal a day together no matter how busy they get.
They do not separate. This does not end. And fairytales can happen, for two lovers, brothers, friends.
447 notes - Posted November 3, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I’m being so normal about the idea of Spock learning to physically care for humans through his relationship with Jim. So normal about him diving into his memories for how his mother used to give him creature comforts that he slowly learned to bat away as his more Vulcan traits were desired and how he comes to a new appreciation for the small things like a touch to the arm or a mug of tea of an evening.
No matter that the temperature controls are always set where they should be, Jim likes a blanket over his shoulders as they sit and play chess or chat and Spock takes care of this. It doesn’t matter that Jim’s clothes are always neat and pristine, before they enter the bridge he would always check himself over, dusting off his shoulders in habit; Spock does this now, with a nod to answer Jim’s appreciative smile.
I’m so normal about Spock learning to appreciate the small courtesies and going out of his way for someone else, an illogical thing to do, really. Jim is a grown man who can take care of himself.
All the same, Spock does it. And he finds it isn’t so illogical after all when Jim looks at him like that.
600 notes - Posted November 1, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#the fact that 4/5 of my top posts were done in November says some beautiful things about the trek fandom. y’all are so welcoming and cool.#honestly that’s a lot of original posts? Damn#I’m not sure the blogs i reblogged most is accurate but hey—oh well
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we all knew this was coming and I’m a sentimental bitch. I just wanted to write all my mutuals some little messages about how much I love you. you guys have changed my life and I am so grateful for each and every one of you!!!💕💞💓💗💖💘 anygays have fun searching for yourself in this mess and I’m sorry for any typos, I’m illiterate (and if i forgot you it’s because i lost my brain in 1912)
@cr1spyy fernanda, my first ever mutual. who would have thought that your 5th wave posts would have brought one of the most amazing people in my life to me. your posts always make me laugh and your dedication to the good morning asks is admirable (fr I could never have that much consistency) you’re so kind to everybody and you’re absolutely beautiful and incredible and I fucking love you so much. I honestly don’t even want to think about what my life would be like if I had never met you, MWAH💕🤍
@sundaymorninghangover I remember you being my first ever note!! you liked this post I made that was a reblog of a “uquiz” that was actually a rickroll lmao. you didn’t even follow me back then but whatever. Then I remember waking up one day to see that you had tagged me in a bingo ask game and I was like “ummm tf is an ask game” but I do still have a bingo card for it that I never used ekenksjs. anygays, you have good opinions on everything and you’re absolutely fucking hilarious. If you told me back in may that I would be friends with you I wouldn’t believe it bc you intimidated me but regardless I’m glad to be an arson gang member with you. your memes are god tier and so is your music taste. I love you whore!!!!!🖤💜
@sound-and-colors ma’am you’re so nice and for what??? the aesthetic stuff that you reblog is *chef’s kiss* and nobody else is out there doing it like you. we’ve never talked but I just know that you are absolutely incredible mwah❤️💛
@embeddedinmybrain tasfia you are the nicest person on his hellsite and you know it (I hope). It was so much fun being your secret admirer anon while it lasted, like fr I loved it. Your art is beautiful just like your heart and i honestly don’t know what I did to deserve such a kind soul like you in my life. You’re always there to hype me up and ily (also just cut your own hair already I believe in you)🤍💙
@gumptin you hooked me with your suus icon and reeled me in by being the coolest and funniest person ever. your posts are consistently hilarious, accurate, or relatable and I admire that. I mean it when I say you’re one of the coolest people on here. idk what I did to have you think I’m cool but I’m honored nonetheless. also you have really awesome style and hair jdnjdjdjd mwah💚💛
@nori-in-pink first and foremost, your blog always has a very nice aesthetic and I feel like I need to acknowledge that. anyway, you are so kind and supportive and you don’t take any bullshit and that is absolutely amazing. you are absolutely iconic and always reblog the best stuff so I know I can count on your blog to be fantastic. you used to scare me (idk why don’t ask) but now I know that you’re just a big teddy bear ily💗💜
@matteohnora my slurpee queen and my mememate!! you always send me the funniest shit and it doesn’t go unappreciated. You’re always there for me with a silly meme or emotional support and I don’t think I’ve ever told you how grateful I am for that. whenever you stalk my blog it makes my heart go whooosh and I feel so special. Ily and I am so glad to have met you💜❤️
@lieverobbe ah yes, the girl with the impeccable music taste. that’s what I know you as, oh well. you are more talented and kind than you could ever believe and your edits are amazing!!! whenever I see you on my dash I get all happy bc I’m like “em’s here!!!” I love all your lil posts and I am so glad that you are my mutual ilyyyyy💙🤍
@ironymane you’ve watched limitless which automatically makes you amazing. you’re an absolutely incredible and amazing person and even tho you aren’t on here as much anymore, I still love youre lil posts. And one time you kept me entertained on a 6hr car ride so you deserve some kind of award for that. ly🧡💛
@kingarthurpendragons okay the obvious thing to talk about here is your incredible talent when it comes to gif making. Like how in the hell- but you are also so kind and loving and it doesn’t go unnoticed. You don’t have to send nice asks but you do and ily for it mwah!!❤️💗
@engelkeijsers the skam nl stan that we all deserve to have in our lives. you are so fucking hilarious and relatable and all around amazing and for what? your posts always put a smile on my face and it is so much fun to clown with you. ilyyyy💚💛
@happiness-isin-you let’s ignore the fact that it took me forever to realize that this was your main lmao. your art is some of the most beautiful shit I’ve ever seen. like your style is so cool???? I could literally go on about this for hours don’t test me. the cute animal pictures are the absolute best and you’re always there for emotional support. Ilyyyyyyy💛❤️
@isakyaqi fiz you are so kind and talented and cool and I really do mean all that. You reblog always the best of content so I know I can trust it. you always put nice tags in the things you reblog things and it’s fun to read what you write because it’s almost always you hyping up the creator or the thing itself. you are awesome jdjdjdndjjd mwah🖤🤎
@cash-queens sam oh sam. Idek where to start with how much ily. You’re my famous mutual which is very iconic of you and you put up with my cat pictures and my silly antics and my riverdale posts. You’re so kind to me and everybody and whenever I make a post when I’m having a mental breakdown you’re always there to make sure that I’m doing okay. That def doesn’t go unappreciated. You’re legitimately one of the kindest and most amazing people I’ve ever known and I love you so much, more than you could ever know💛🤍
@welcometo-saturn çağrı you’re so cool. end of statement. that’s all I have to say about it. your gifs are so beautiful and you don’t take shit from anybody. you’re so down to earth that it makes it seem like you’re somebody who I’ve just always known (even tho we’ve never talked sjdjdjdjdj) so yeah anyway, you’re are a really awesome person with really good opinions and I am so glad that we are mutuals🧡❤️
@amifeelingokay it’s difficult not to start with your url bc it’s amazing and I love it. your skam posts are always so nice and cute and positive (just like you!!) and I love them. the content you reblog is always aesthetic or a nice text post and I just love your blog okay. ily💜🖤
@isthatelpome you’re so nice that I’m willing to overlook your opinion on salt and vinegar chips (they’re not good I’ll fight you on that) your dani icon is beautiful just as you are, mwahhhh🧡❤️
@earthling-isa babe you are so cute with your lil edits and your clowning. the near constant black and white aesthetic is very iconic and i love it. you’re a suus stan so I have no choice but to love you for it. i absolutely adore your gifs, especially the ones with the lil squares in the middle fygzbgut. you are absolutely beautiful and incredible and kind and I love you MWAHHHH🖤💙
@grey-mist-exist okay we’ve never talked but you seem like such a rad person. not cool but like rad (there are are subtle differences) your art is beautiful even tho idk the quotes (go off smarty pants) and overall you are just really rad, idk how else to say it mwah!!!🤍🖤<pretend it’s a grey heart
@fatoudixon hey look it’s one of the most talented people here!!! You’ve always been so kind and supportive of me and I really really do appreciate it. you have good opinions on everything and did I mention that you’re talented?? cause you are, very. Your reaction videos are amazing and not to mention iconic, just like your hair. anyway, ily and I am so glad that I have somebody as amazing as you as my mutual💙💛
@sander-klaas you are so kind and and you have so much passion. I can always trust you reblog only the best of wtfock and sobbe content which I am very grateful for. you literally just started making gifs and they are so beautiful (okay it was like months ago but whatever dkdjdjjdjdj) anyway, thank you so much for being my mutual mwah❤️💛
@jusdekiwi okay we’ve never talked but you genuinely seem like such a sweet person??? I love the stuff you reblog, it’s always the best gif sets. idk I can just tell you have good taste. I hope to get to know you better in the future, but for now I am very grateful to have you💚💙
@kritiquer my twin!!! you and I have a lot in common so ofc I love you. I’m joking obviously.... anygays you are always so supportive of everybody and you are so sweet. I love all of your personal posts, it always makes me really happy to see what you’re up to and how you’re feeling. I also like the aesthetic stuff you reblog, I have bad taste in all that, clearly you don’t. I am so glad that we started talking and I hope that we continue! ily kit!!!!💜🤍
@bleachblondebitches you aren’t on here that much, but whenever you are I get so happy! Your gifs are beautiful and I think about your sobbe and booksmart parallels gifset every day. you have amazing taste in movies and I love you!💜💙
@lesbeanfatou clara!!! bitch!!!! You already know how much I love you but I guess I’ll reiterate. I honestly don’t know what I did before I knew you. I always remember looking at the no idea blog with the Nora icons like “who is this?” Little did I know back then that you would be one of my closest friends. your support of me means the world and I am so grateful for you. I’m so glad that I have somebody in my life like you to talk to and be friends with. you are one of the funniest people in and I just love you so much I could burst mwah❤️🧡
@gucciboner okay hiii ypu are literally so fucking kind and funny, i admire your sense of humor sm. your art is so beautiful and you are so goddamn talented, it never ceases to amaze me. I also love all the little funny posts you make and reblog!! ily💙💗
@helmtaryn even though you put supernatural on my dash, I am willing to forgive you bc I love you so much. your gifs are so beautiful like ma’am didn’t you just start?? icon shit. your hate for photoshop is iconic and you are awesome. you’re always sending me asks and responding to my posts and you’re so nice and it makes my heart go whooosh. anygays you’re cool and ily💙🧡
@starmansander nina when I tell you that you give off the best vibes- okay sorry I had to start with that. I love how you are so nice and supportive of me, it really means a lot. I really like the stuff you reblog like,,, cool art? pretty women? those hopeful little posts? iconic. also youre a noor stan which is a sign of good taste. love you🤎❤️
@ijzermanora daniiiiiii madam you are so epic and iconic and I really could go on about that forever. you are so kind and you’re following all my joke sideblogs (even the ch*cken l*ttle hate blog??? why???) which is very brave of you. I love reading all of your lil wholesome posts and hearing about school and how much you hate chemistry (even tho you like sushi???) anygays we were already sending memes 10 hours into our mutualship so I think we were soulmates from the very beginning. I love you so much and I have no idea what I did before i knew you💜💗
@alwaysin-myhead okay, you give off cool person vibes and I had to acknowledge that. your art is so beautiful and you are so incredibly talented!!! I hope to get to know you in the future🧡💛
@alexiaugustin here she is!!! the queen of good opinions!!! you are such a smart cookie and you use that power to make long paragraph posts that I can actually read without falling asleep. which is impressive honestly. never has a person been so kind and funny and genius in such a well rounded way (that makes no sense) I’m so happy that I have you in my life ilyyy💚💗
@ijntba hihi you’re such a sweet person and I literally love your skam blog sm. I am so honored that you’re using one of my icons you have no idea. even though I’m confused when you post about anime, I still appreciate your passion lmao. mwah💛🧡
@hidden-joy liz!! you are such a kind soul and I absolutely love looking at the things you reblog and reading all the nice things that you put in the tags, it’s always so sweet and supportive!!! we’re relatively new mutuals, but I do hope to get to know you better in the future!!!💚💛
okay sorry to group y’all together but @fudgetunblr and @alexiswoke I like just became mutuals with y’all but I do love you and I’m glad you’re here and I hope 2021 treats you well and that i get to know you better!!❤️❤️
aaand one last final message for max and sarah, i know yall wont see this but ily🧡 💜
okay yeah I know I already said this but I really do love each and every one of you so much and I am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life💕💕💓💕💖💖💕💘💕💗💞💓💕💖💖💘💕💓
#MWAH💕#my mutuals are pretty fuckin rad#also don’t tell anyone but the hearts at the end are the colors I associate you with#or they’re as close as I could get#*makes this post*#*goes back to sleep*
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is this Devyn's blog?
hey anon, i'm sorry it took me so long to respond to this; between insomnia, work, my birthday, and other personal issues (along with accidentally deleting my initial response in a sleep-deprived lapse of judgement..), i've been pretty low on energy - but hopefully i'll be feeling better soon?
as for your question, it isn't a complete yes or no answer. yes, Devyn is a mod on this blog, and yes, he posts a lot; but nobody 'owns' this blog. all mods are equals; both in the literal sense that we all have to have administrator privileges in order to answer asks, and also that we rely on each other to help with anything we post. we're all human, and as such, we know that we have weaknesses and blindspots; as a team, we talk to each other to help smooth over some of those wrinkles to help y'all the best ways that we can - so even when one specific person's name is put on a post, more often than not, we have all contributed in some way. the reason that Devyn answers things more often than the rest of us is because he simply has a lot more time and energy than the rest of us do, and trying to write a whole response ourselves can be exhausting when you are already low on energy; but conveying our thoughts or opinions to each other for someone else to weave into a post takes a lot less energy. as such, the rest of us on the mod team really appreciate that Devyn is able to answer more often! its not that Devyn is more committed or holds more power than the rest of the mods, just that he's been more available to answer things recently.
and as a side note: we got another ask somewhat along this line of thought, but it mentioned the name of someone who made personal posts on their personal blog - and since i don't want to risk 'calling them out' (for lack of a better term), i don't feel comfortable posting that ask, so i'm adding my response to it here.
i want to start off by saying, we do appreciate when people bring up concerns that they have! giving us feedback on things that might make you uncomfortable or bother you helps us learn how to better help y'all. without feedback, we kinda just assume that we're doing alright - so encourage anyone to give us constructive feedback (i.e., dont just say something like "i dont like [thing] about mod x, fix it" - give us suggestions on how to best fix it!) if something we do bothers you! we wont be upset; you mentioning how we can better help you means that you do care about us, and we would never get upset at y'all for that. and, as such, we do really appreciate that you brought up your issues with us! genuinely our only issue was the fact a specific person was named (which really isnt even an issue - telling us who made the posts helped us find the posts, since we hadnt previously known about them) and we just don't want to inadvertently cause problems for them. we really dont think you had meant to purposefully cause strife, so please dont think we're upset with you!
as for your ask, i get why you would feel that way. Devyn tends to answer a lot and doesn't cushion his answers as much as some of us do, but it isn't due to him not caring or simply wanting the inbox empty - Devyn does care a lot about answering things well, he just prefers to get to the point rather than writing out giant walls of text. rather than try to explain things for Devyn, i'm gonna let him finish up the post by explaining his method for answering asks - i dont want to accidentally say anything that isnt true, but i can guarentee that Devyn does care. if he didn't care, he wouldn't still be here - he does care for all of you, and he does want to help! if he didn't, he wouldn't be putting in the effort that he has been to change how he responds to things in a way that won't upset or trigger people, and he wouldn't put in the effort to try and get input from the rest of us mods. please, do let us know if there's anything else we can do moving forward to help things feel less bad for you. we don't want anyone to feel like they cant be helped or that we dont care for them.
mod berry 💗
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Hey anon.
I wanted to make sure I also answered this in case you were looking for an answer from me directly.
Originally I had a few paragraphs here essentially echoing what Berry said, but it felt too repetitive and I ended up cutting it out.
We had another ask that we mentioned we're tacking the response to on here. I'm going to copy-paste some of the text from it for context since y'all obviously haven't (and won't) see it, so that my response makes sense:
[...] we wrote in and got a quick response from Devyn whereas previously we got really detailed responses from other mods. It felt like Devyn just sees it as a rush to clear the inbox and not work with other mods. And now this blog feels like his exclusively.
I want to start by saying I understand how how I was pretty much the only one who answered anything during September made you feel like this blog is mine exclusively, but I assure you that's not the case - it just happened to be a particularly shitty month for all the mods here. While those issues haven't disappeared, we should have more availability to answer asks currently.
Secondly, something I think will be helpful is if I walk you through the process of how I answer an ask. I was going to use this one to do that and then proceeded to get distracted and forgot and answered it, so here's a fake example ask. Let's say this ask comes in:
Let's say the question is something any of us can answer easily, like, "How many followers do you have?" That's an easy question and we can all look at our follower count and give you a number. So I click answer.
I always start answering genuine asks with some sort of greeting. Usually "Hey anon," is my go-to. Then the answer. "Oh, we have this many." Then I'll end with a well-wish and my name. Easy enough.
I think part of the issue is that if people ask yes or no questions (like "is my trauma valid?") I'd rather say something short in response, like, "Yes, your trauma is valid regardless of what it is," and sign my name than waste our readers' time and my breath answering with extra words. I just don't see the point in using more words than I need to. I try very hard to make it clear, especially in shorter responses, that I'm not trying to be hostile and am actively aware of my tone. Some answers have more words in them because I always try to make sure to explain what I feel could be misunderstood and that's not always easily done in one or two sentences.
Another thing that might be part of the issue is that Berry, for example, tends to answer asks by grouping paragraphs after which they hit enter only once, and I hit enter twice to start a new paragraph. That doesn't mean Berry's answer has any more actual content in it than mine does, it just might look like that because the format ends up looking more dense in Berry's answer.
Anyway, if someone feels like they want to answer a certain ask but doesn't have the spoons, they can save it with their name to the drafts, which is where a lot of our unpublished asks live. It's like the purgatory of the ask box, because sometimes I put an ask there and sometimes I only think about it. 😬
Asks that go to our drafts aren't ignored, that's just sort of a transition period. If the ask is slightly more complicated, we usually discuss it first in the mod Discord - which you guys obviously can't see. Sometimes if we collaborate on an ask, whoever sees it in the ask box first is the one who ends up answering it, but not always. But we usually just sign those with a single name for sake of ease. If we put all the names of all the mods who contributed any thought to an ask, most of them would have all of our names on them. Also, it's not necessarily accurate to sign my name to an ask if all I'm commenting on is the tone of an ask. Sure, I technically contributed, but I didn't say anything helpful.
If multiple people have thoughts on an ask, usually what we do is one person answers it and the others reblog with their thoughts. This ask is an exception because last time we answered an ask specifically about me that way, it escalated the situation, and we're trying to avoid that.
If none of us know how to answer an ask, we'll usually publish it for our followers' input after a week. I try to follow up about asks that are in drafts pretty often, so usually they don't sit there for a month, but like we've said multiple times, this month has been a bit of an outlier for all of us.
So essentially what I'm saying is that just because you don't see active ask collaboration happening doesn't mean it's not. It all happens in the Discord and, unless you're also a mod in our server, you're not going to see that discussion happening.
Hopefully this helps with the misunderstandings.
Mod Devyn
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Learning New Things about Ourselves Transcript
This transcript was done by @rosesisupposes @everphantom @crushingonanartist @fandomsofrandom (who’s urls may or may not have changed at some point, and others, who’s urls had been lost to time and my disorganization.)
This transcript was created for the purpose of creating a comic-version of the video for those who were uncomfortable with the puppetry. This project has been effectively abandoned, and the blog shall be treated as an archive for the work that had been completed. (as explained in this post)
The transcript had been partly split up to create places for artists to draw individual sections, which has remained in tact in this transcript. If people want to utilize this transcript for creating a comic or drawing, I entirely welcome it! As long as all the characters follow a human design, tag this blog and I’ll reblog it.
14:58 Thomas: Oh, Logan! You’re up!
14:59 Logan: If by up you mean I am not down...to do this, you are correct.
15:04 Roman: Oh big surprise coming from no fun-son honey dew-dew. Last second addition there, made it, stuck the landing.
15:10 Patton: Aw, Logan come on! We need you at the table if we’re gonna be learning!
15:14 Logan: Please. It has become quite clear that me cosigning all of your ridiculous antics is just a formality. When all of you decided on using puppets to address a serious issue, logic was already figuratively thrown out the window.
15:25 Roman: *dramatic sigh* Again, you don’t have to use the word figuratively. We know you that you weren’t literally thrown out of a window.
15:31 Logan: How? Have you been watching me constantly?
15:33 Patton: Don’t assume Roman! You know what happens when you assume. You make an as out of su and me.
15:39 Logan: *exasperated sigh* *mumbled* Thank you Patton. *back to normal volume* I just don’t want to concern anybody by suggesting I was throw through a window. I wanted to communicate five by five that I’m five by five.
15:47 Thomas: It’s okay Roman, his intentions are there. I mean, who does going above and beyond with clarity hurt?
15:54 Roman: Going above and beyond? *laugh* More like going overboard. It’s stupid.
15:58 *Logan inhales, glares at Roman as he crumples up a paper and throws it at Roman with a yell*
16:01 Roman: Ow! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!
16:02 Patton: Meep meep!**
16:03 Roman: You hit me in the eye. You hit me in the eye, you freaking bookgerm!
16:07 Virgil: Geez, L, that was pretty rough.
16:09 Logan: Eh- I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what that was. *pause* Maybe I should go.
16:13 Patton: NO! We are not about to leave it there, mister! We can’t continue this convo, if you’re gone-zo
16:21 Thomas: THAT’S RIGHT!
16:21 Thomas: Look, Logan, you can be like one of those Sesame Street human friends!
16:27 Logan: Like Maria?
16:28 Thomas: Like Maria!
16:29 Logan: Okay... I mean, a more accurate comparison would be that you’re our Big Bird, and we’re all your… Snuffleupagus**.
16:36 Thomas: Pre-1985, before they canonically confirmed Snuffleupagus wasn’t imaginary.
16:40 Logan: Of course. *softly* Clarity
16:41 Roman: Hmph-
16:42 Logan: Okay, so- you’re puppets. Care to explain to me how this is going to help?
16:47 Patton: Well, we could start by having an open and honest conversation about our feelings?
16:54 Thomas: *takes a deep breath*
16:55 Roman: Hmmm…
16:56 Virgil: *groans softly*
16:57 Thomas: I don’t think so.
16:57 Roman: Yeah, I don’t like that.
16:58 Virgil: I’d rather go live in a garbage can.
16:59 Patton: No! Really, this is important, guys! Thomas, you have to face your feelings head-on! Tell me… *singing* do you ever feel like a paper bag?
17:10 Thomas: Wha- I thought we were talking about a loop!
17:13 Patton: Well, how do you suppose we get out of the loop, mister Looper?
17:16 Thomas: Well, I guess I don’t know… but I mean... like- what do I have to feel bad about? I mean, really. Like- yeah, I feel iffy with my videos. So what?
17:27 *Roman sighs as Thomas continues*
17:27 Thomas: Big deal. The ‘problems’ I have wouldn’t even exist without all of the incredible privileges I’ve received. I should feel lucky. I asked for this. So I- I don’t feel like I’ve got a right to feel this way, but-
17:42 Patton: Thomas, that’s ridiculous! Now should you count your blessings? Absolutely! Lots of people are way worse off!
17:49 Thomas: … oh
17:50 Patton: Yeah, I should not have said that as cheery as I did. --break-- *louder* But… you shouldn’t feel guilty for having feelings! Sure, sometimes your feelings may not make sense, but it’s not your feelings job to make sense! You just… experience them. And you have to do your best to deal with them.
18:07 Thomas: Well that… makes sense.
18:11 Patton: Not talking about them... is not dealing with them.
18:14 Thomas: Yeah, but I don’t even know where to begin talking about my feelings, because I don’t… understand them right now.
18:19 Virgil: Maybe you won’t have to understand your feelings if you fix the problem.
18:24 Patton: Well…
18:25 Virgil: Logan’s gotta cool it with the deadlines.
18:26 Logan: What?
18:27 Roman: *blows a kiss at Virgil* Thank you!
18:28 Virgil: Too much pressure.
18:29 Logan: Oh, I’m sorry. Except I’m not! Are the deadlines really the cause of that pressure, or is it… I don’t know… *quickly* Roman’s inability to perform adequately?
18:35 Roman: *offended gasp* No!
18:37 Virgil: Well- it’s a little of that.
18:38 Roman: *weird shocked noise[?]* What??
18:40 Logan: Exactly, boom.
18:40 Virgil: Look dude, doesn’t it make sense to think you have something to do with this? The issue has to do with creating content and his pride? That’s a lot of you.
18:48 Roman: Well pardon me, Vomit-y Central, but when were either of you the experts on creative content? Who are you to criticize my work??
18:58 Virgil: Oh my gosh, what is up your butt?
19:00 Roman: An arm!
19:00-19:34
THOMAS: Okay, I think it’s clear that pointing fingers is getting us nowhere. So let’s avoid that
PATTON: [Pointing at Thomas] Agreed. Oh, butterfingers!
VIRGIL: [Muttering] That’s not what butterfingers means
THOMAS: Logan, would it be fair to say that with all of this arguing, order is not actually being obtained?
LOGAN: Perhaps we are in a state of disorder because no one is adhering to my instruction
THOMAS: Okay, okay, well, okay, I’m - I’m happy to hear you out, then. What do you think we should do, Logan?
PATTON: Yeah, Logan, help us out, what can you tell us about learning new things about ourselves?
19:34-19:58
LOGAN: Well, it all goes back to the point you made earlier, Patton. Asking the right question: why?
ROMAN: That’s right, today’s video is brought to you by the letter “Y”
LOGAN: No, stop it, stop it, the question “why,” W-H-Y. “Why?” So much of what you feel, Thomas, comes down to whether or not your actions are aligning with your goals.
PATTON: Oh! I think I get it!
LOGAN: What?
PATTON: Yeah!
19:58 - 20:12 [Cut Scene]
[Electric Company Bit: Profiles of Patton and Thomas]
PATTON: Why do you make videos?
THOMAS: Because they’re fun
PATTON: Why did you make it a job?
THOMAS: So I could support myself, and so I could try bigger things
PATTON: Why did your old friend’s question stick with you?
THOMAS: Because…
[End cut scene]
20:12-20:42
THOMAS: Because I always wonder if I’m doing the right thing for a living
LOGAN: Okay, interesting! Elaborate on that. And nobody do any puppet bits
PATTON: Well, that was from The Electric Company
LOGAN: [Waving arms at Patton] Shhhhhh. Thomas?
THOMAS: I don’t know, I guess… As far as I know, we have one life, and I guess I have doubts about… whether or not I’m making the most of mine.
LOGAN: Okay! We’re getting somewhere. Expand upon those doubts
THOMAS: Oh man, um, I… I don’t even know where to go from there
20:42-21:02
LOGAN: I mean if you asked me, I could certainly list off several factors that could be contributing to your doubts.
[Cut to Thomas, then Patton, then Roman all silently looking around as well. No one responds]
LOGAN: If you asked me, I could… gladly share them
THOMAS: [Sigh]
ROMAN: Welp
VIRGIL: [Sigh]
LOGAN: Just lemme know if you want to hear what I have to say
21:02-21:45 epilepsy warning
VIRGIL: Hey Logan, can you list off some of those factors you mentioned?
LOGAN: I’m glad you asked, Virgil. Firstly, there’s no job security, I mean, people fall out of public favor very quickly
VIRGIL: One! One cause of unease, ah ah ah [lightning flash]
LOGAN: You’re balancing a great deal of responsibilities. People have limits; perhaps you can’t continue at this pace indefinitely
VIRGIL: Two! Two nervous thoughts, ah ah ah [lightning flash]
LOGAN: Your work is inessential. Several may claim that they have been [air quotes] “inspired” by one thing you’ve said or another, but who’s to say they couldn’t have found the inspiration they needed elsewhere?
VIRGIL: Three. Three depressing speculations, ah ah ah [lightning flash]
LOGAN: And oh, oh! I can think of another one. No one takes you seriously!
PATTON: [Audible gasp]
VIRGIL: Four. Four uncomfortable characters in this room right now.
THOMAS: Logan, is that really what you think?
-
LOGAN: Thomas, I have held back my opinions for too long, and that’s obviously not benefiting you. I refuse to withhold my perspective any longer. You need to get a real job.
ROMAN: Hey, yeah! Like being a movie star!
LOGAN: No! A real job.
VIRGIL: Sheesh, you sloppily eat some jam, accidentally make a few puns and now you’re all sensitive about not being taken seriously?
LOGAN: [Interrupting] I’m not a joke! I mean, I can’t be thought of as such. Because there will be times in which I must be heeded and given our current circumstances, I clearly haven’t been. So I’m saying what must be said. I can’t tolerate this foolishness any longer. [To Thomas] You need to change your life around.
-
VIRGIL: Logan, I appreciate what you bring to the table and all, but the thing you just recommended would be a massive change in Thomas’ life sooo I kinda hate you a little bit right now andddd shut your dirty mouth
LOGAN: Ah, typical
THOMAS: I don’t know, Virge, maybe he’s right. Maybe that’s the cause of all this
VIRGIL: Thomas, don’t start. I have plenty of hate to go around
PATTON: Ohhh very funny, Virgil, you cute little muppet! Thomas, you know he doesn’t mean it. And Logan, that was… helpful! When the chips were down, you brought up some very meaty points, you ol’ crackerjack, but this stuff is more than just silly or cheesy, and I’m sorry I keep bringing up food, it’s just the inside of this bag smells like first grade lunch in the cafeteria and so many memories!
ROMAN: [Snaps] Patton, stay with us
23:17
PATTON: Sorry! Boy, I really milked that bit, wakawaka!
ROMAN: (stares in silence, before taking a deep breath) What I think Patton is trying to say is that Logan’s just proven that he’s the worst, and that he’s been the thorn in your side all along
VIRGIL: Could you even contribute like an ounce of constructive input to our conversation today, Dr. Doo-the-Most?
ROMAN: Okay, why don’t you just go get lost in a dryer
VIRGIL: You know, Roman, it’s just too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin
ROMAN: Well you smell like FOOT!
THOMAS: Roman-
ROMAN: No, Thomas, I know. That wasn’t helpful. In truth, I do feel bad
THOMAS: You do?
ROMAN: Yes
VIRGIL: Well then maybe you should say you’re sorry
ROMAN: You’re right
VIRGIL: Oh, really?
ROMAN: Logan-
VIRGIL: Okay
ROMAN: -earlier, I made you angry. I do that quite a bit, actually. I provoke you, and you retaliated with violence… like a stupid caveman. But! I am responsible for my actions and my actions alone. So, I’m sorry.
LOGAN: Oh, well. That’s. Very kind.
ROMAN: Okay, well, I gave that a shot. I still feel bad.
PATTON: Well, why not try expressing your feelings in a way that makes sense for you?
24:27
ROMAN: Well, that might work. Let’s see (clears throat, then gestures to his right) Maestro?
[MUSIC STARTS]
[Singing] So you’ve gone and called someone stupid
And in response, they damaged your eye
But, there is where the conflict must end
Lest you both end up blind
LOGAN: [Speaking] Another song? Really?
ROMAN: [Singing] Sometimes, the problems at play
Are not all plain to see
So, we lash out at our loved ones
Disregarding our bond sanctity
PATTON: There are several sides to us that may seem abstract at first
Until we discover where everything fits
And, people can be like a half-missing puzzle set
As we find the pieces, things make more and more sense
THOMAS: Nice imagery, but I'm not sure I follow.
25:27 - 26:00
PATTON: Well I’ll give you an example.
PATTON: [Singing] I had this problem where I’d often hide my less than awesome feelings so when I would feel like sobbing I’d just smile and crack jokes! I thought that that was coping. Only joking, never showing sadness, hoping it would go away.
LOGAN: [Spoken] Did that work?
PATTON: [Singing] Nope! I still felt bad
ROMAN: [Spoken] Aw pat..
PATTON: [Singing] It’s okay
THOMAS: [Spoken] How’s that?
PATTON: [Singing] Everybody gets sad. Even dads that have people to care for! And therefore- You don’t have to hide your pain. Life without rainy days is incomplete!
PATTON: [Speaking] Or, like not even a thing, you know? Rain goes to plants, plants feed animals, plant-eating animals feed animal-eating animals, and humans feed animals corn and inject them with hormones until they can barely walk anymore
THOMAS: Patton?
PATTON: Yes?
THOMAS: How does all that relate to rain?
PATTON: Oh, right! Rainy days. Forgot what I was talking about. Umm... putting it simply, rain is a necessary piece of the puzzle that is, uh, life.
LOGAN: So true. Are we done singing, or is this just one of those musical interludes?
26:22
VIRGIL: On the subject of storm clouds because, you know, you need storm clouds to... make... rain. I'm just gonna get into it.
[Singing] You once knew me as real gloomy
This weird spooky broody dude
Because I knew you'd listen to me
As too scary to ignore
I thought that I could take it
All the hate could just be shaken
But when you lo-- care for someone
Not much hurts more than their scorn
I also felt bad
ROMAN: [Speaking] Come, now
VIRGIL: [Singing] In a different way
THOMAS: [Speaking] Different how?
VIRGIL: [Singing] By bad I mean, well, mean
But I did what I thought that I had to
Which is bad, too
I don't have to act all tough
THOMAS: Sometimes love is enough
PATTON: Or what we need
27:00 [END]
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I’m sorry
I’m sorry to my followers, my mutuals, and most of all, to put I call friends. I’m so, so sorry
I know at least one person’s going to want to reblog this, saying that I’m not a shitty person. Well, this post is for you I guess. I hate just being here, trying to convince myself and others that I’m a good person, but really I’m not. I’ve ruined potential friendships and actual friendships over and over again. All because I want people to validate me, because I want people to pay attention to me, because I think that what I think needs to be shared with everyone.
I’ve wasted people’s energy, time, and I think I might have ruined at least one person’s offline life because I thought I could help them when I had no place to do so.
If for whatever reason you don’t think I’m awful after this, well I guess I can’t stop you. But I hope that this might finally get people to recognize that I’m not someone worth supporting. Enjoy my content if you want, but don’t pretend that I am, by myself, an enjoyable person.
1. My “contribution” to the Zoophobia fandom
You know, there’s nothing on my blog that I’m more ashamed of than my Zoophobia critiques? Back when I first started on tumblr, my pretentious ass thought that I was going to be super special and become “a zp critic who didn’t hate Vivziepop and enjoyed her content”.
Yes, I was that up my own ass.
At the time, the only zp critics I knew of were the ones on the bad wiki forums and the late Zoophobia Critiques account. Which, for the record, I still agree that a lot of the criticism gave there was super spiteful and overblown. I gave the excuse that we could learn how to improve our own writing by analyzing works we love when I was criticizing a 4 and a half chapter webcomic the creator wasn’t proud of.
You know, I’m at a loss for how nobody has called my critiques out for being misinformed, disorganized, poorly spelt, and like someone who just heard of writing criticism and was parroting stuff they heard on a YouTube video. My criticism of how Addison’s ptsd was handled was disgusting, and my criticism of Jack was vague and was clearly a reach.
And my non critical Zoophobia content wasn’t even that good. I made a bunch of nothing posts that only discussed a couple or one character ever, and they were so stupid.
Then there’s how I acted during the pre Hazbin Hotel Vivziepop drama. You know, where I acted like a deluded three year old? Voicing “my concerns”, and totally not babbling a bunch of nonsense and pushing it onto others. I remember how one former mutual of mine, Lisaury, rightfully “burst my bubble” (that’s how they put it) by pointing out my flawed information.
I honestly don’t blame Lisaury for never talking to me again. God, I barely spoke to her to begin with. Just sent her worthless post after worthless post.
My “criticisms” of Vivziepop were idiotic at best, and now? Zoophobia and criticism of it may have resurfaced thanks to Bad Luck Jack, but this only made me realize how nothing my posts were.
Other critics would just call me a wishy washy sheep, and fans would rightfully see me as an idiot if I posted now what I posted then. Ever since the short, I’ve been fearful of someone finally pointing out my bullshit, making it clear to everyone how awful my content was. And I feared it because I knew it was true. I just didn’t want other people to realize it.
Fuck, you’d at least expect someone to notice how much of a dickhead I was when critiquing people’s fanfics.
-
2. Art / characters
In 2020, someone invited me to join an art discord, and I created an account to do so. This discord had actual artists, many who had been to art school. So when my self taught, delusional self posted art into a criticism channel, they rightfully tore it to shreds. Called it out for the lacklustre, mediocre anime garbage it was. Gave me advice, and pointed out exactly what was wrong with it. One person made a very accurate description of it. “It looks like something someone drew on those shitty phone apps without a pencil”. And they were right.
And how did I react?
I had a meltdown, deleted a bunch of my art and posts, ran crying to a bunch of people, desperate for validation, because I, someone who made criticism posts, couldn’t handle actual criticism. And the same group rightfully called me out on it. I lost the log in info for my first account, so I don’t interact with that group anymore, but I should have listened. They rightfully pointed out how all my male characters looked like traps and how my art lacked any artistic skill. And what did I do? I screenshoted what they said and showed it to others, like “omg, pity me!”
I can’t look at my old art without wanting to vomit. I still can’t understand how anyone can enjoy what I make, despite people telling me that they do. Especially when they make better art than I ever could.
And despite how shit it looks, I just shove art and all posts I make in people’s face, because they “have to look at it and pay attention to it”
-
3. Such a great “friend”
I don’t have conversations with people anymore. The majority of my Tumblr conversations are filled with me sending post after post after post, weeks with just my fucking stupid posts, because they totally matter so much. I barely have any conversations with anyone anymore, and I don’t even return the favour of reblogging their content. Because after all, I need my friends with bigger follow counts to reblog my stuff. That’s the only way my posts get attention and I get validation, after all. Seriously, look at posts reblogged by eclecticcoyote, and compare the notes there to those he doesn’t.
If I didn’t constantly send people like him posts, expecting a reblog, I probably wouldn’t have followers. I know my content wouldn’t get any attention without his help, and I feel disgusting because it just feels like I’m taking advantage of someone’s audience.
Although it’s probably better I don’t talk to people whatsoever. One friend I have... well had, I don’t expect him to contact me ever again. I’ll refer to him as B for now. B was dealing with issues related to his mental health and offline life. I initially reached out to him after he made a post about having no friends
And then I didn’t message him for a while and was surprised when he told coyote that he felt like I didn’t care about him.
I started crying at him like “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” (no I’m not kidding). I ended up talking with him through several emotional break downs, because I didn’t want him to kill himself. I had the nerve to talk like I knew what I was talking about during those times. I gave unhelpful advice, like “go for a run”, “punch a pillow”, etc. Hell, one time, I had the audacity to say that it felt impossible to talk to him because it didn’t seem like he wanted to listen to people trying to help him, and that he only heard what he wanted to hear.
And I shoved my personal issues onto him as well. Because, again, my life is so important.
Then, at some point he developed feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way about him. And at this point, he sees me as one of the people who have helped him out the most with his issues (ironic, considering how I likely just made his life worse). So, what did I do when he confessed to me?
Oh, you know, instead of being mature and responsible, I panicked, got another friend involved because “I don’t know how to deal with this 😭😭😭”, made B upset and depressed all over again, and I basically got someone else involved in what was a personal moment for him, betraying his trust and throwing privacy out the window.
I tried to apologize the next morning, but it was too late. I honestly hope he doesn’t try to contact me again, and realize that I have, and can only make his life worse.
I constantly keep freezing out friendships on here by not actually talking to people and just sending them post after post. Recently, one person who reached out to me and tried to be my friend? Looking at past conversations with her, I come off as disinterested in her and dismissive. I might not have intended to, but...
Oh, and then Coyote invited me to his discord server. I recently started deleting all my posts on there, so that nobody would have to waste time scrolling through my bullshit. I shit you not, I would go on essay long tangents about my characters and art, while, comparatively, the attention I gave to others’ content was close to none. And in the first couple months there? I still tried to help people when I clearly couldn’t.
For fucks sake, I even dragged people there into my own personal irl drama when they didn’t need it. The night I self harmed in front of my parents, I should have kept it to myself because I. Knew. That people there would become distressed by it. But nope, because my problems are so important.
I would say dumb shit that ended up upsetting people, I would post over people, and overall just act like a self entitled, annoying bitch.
Just yesterday? Someone I considered my friend shared an image of some characters of hers that were in a polyamourous relationship. And what did my dumbass do?
“You know, I find people in poly relationships admirable bc I have trouble hanging out with more than one person irl bc lol social anxiety and lalala, lemme make this all about meee~!”
And then someone replied saying that they don’t understand poly relationships but support them, then I’m pretty sure the who posted the picture got uncomfortable at that point.
And wouldn’t you know it, recently that person announced that they were taking a break, which hey fine, and they mentioned that some of the stuff said on the discord was upsetting them.
Gee, I wonder who contributed to that?
And then there’s my constant validation seeking, me being silly during situations where the person needs me to be serious, my overall inability to respond in a way someone should whenever people don’t enjoy things I suggest or share...
-
Look, maybe I’m overreacting and being stupid. Wouldn’t surprise me. I currently have no friends outside of discord and tumblr, and I’m constantly disappointing my family and everyone around me by always failing at everything no matter what.
I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t even know if this is just me attempting to get validation or what.
I just... can’t do anything. I can’t trust myself to do anything. If someone requests that I do something, then fine I guess, but
I don’t want to hurt anyone else
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