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flighty37-blog · 7 years

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We’ll Never Survive

Summary: Thanks to the vortex that has followed them from the Manchester flat, and to their newest flat, complete with a universe inside, their female characters, and their scripts and rejected ideas, along with props thrown into it, Dan and Phil discover Dragon Age. What? No Internet? How will they survive? How far does a raven fly? It’d better not be illegal to use so many ravens to carry a lot of scrolls....

Summary 2: This is dedicated to my best friend across the pond, England. Suze....She loves Dragon Age, REALLY LOVES Dragon Age. I love Dan And Phil. Decided to mash fandoms.

Warnings: Swearing.

Rating PG-R

Deaths: None.

Incomplete Fic. Just testing the waters.

Somewhere In London (maybe more central, maybe not) Present Day:

Two nerds, one with dyed black hair and very pale skin, and the other with dark brown hair, and dark brown eyes were synchronised browsing on the sofa.

Each sipping their mugs of coffees respectively, and not even giving a damn about the outside world. As the sun went across their windows, and whittled down the time, they both looked up and over at each other.

“I’m hungry,” Dan said.

“I’ll go make dinner,” Phil answered.

“I’ll help. God knows what can happen in there. Besides I’ve procrastinated enough for one day,” Dan said.

Phil reached over and felt his friend’s forehead. Dan gave him a look, and pushed his hand off.

“I was just seeing if you were ill; you said you ˜procrastinated enough for one day’. Are you alright? Do I need to ring a physician?” Phil asked.

“The Doctor?,” Dan was slightly hopeful.

“Well, ‘a doctor’....” Phil got up from the sofa, put aside his laptop, remembering to close the lid, and went into the kitchen.

Glad for the fact they didn’t have a glass door to hit their faces, or heads, on. Dan came inside and started pawing through the fridge.

“No they wouldn’t be as fun. I need someone with a TARDIS. You know, because it’s ‘bigger on the inside’™?” Dan said, as he gathered the ingredients together, and started lubricating various pans, and a metal cookie sheet.

They were going to have spaghetti, and Dan liked making the garlic bread.

“That’s what 'she’said,” Phil joked.

“That’s a dead meme,” Dan corrected him.

“I am allowed to say what I want to say,” Phil sniffed.

“Ok,” Dan shrugged and Phil set the water to boil.

Just then a blue shimmering light cascaded from the wormhole that had taken up residence between their fridge and the doorway.

“Uhhh, Phil?” Dan started.

“Yeah?” Phil was browning the meat.

“We’re being summoned,” Dan walked over and tapped Phil’s shoulder, and he turned to face the glowing blue light, as it reached out and sucked them inside its depths.

“This Is Not How I Wanted To Travel Through Time And SPAAAACCCCEEEEE!!!!” Dan’s cries were swallowed in the thin air.

“How Are We Eeeevveennnn Stillll Breeeaattthhhiiinnnnggggggg?” Phil’s voice floated beside him, as their bodies twisted and turned in the swirling vortex of blue, green, gold, brown, red....*THUMP!* they landed. One on top of the other, face down.

“OUCH!” Phil grimaced.

“Get off of me you arse!” Dan reacted, casually pushing Phil off of him.

“Where the hell are we?” Dan asked, as they looked at the barren landscape, that had paper thin snow falling from the sky.

“I dunno. But I’m co-cold,” Phil’s teeth chattered.

“It was 30C in England!” Dan put his arms around himself, to seal in some warmth.

“Halt! Are you friend or foe!” A new voice rang out, stilling their conversation.

“Hello, we’re....” Dan started.

“I asked if you were friend or foe,” the intimidating voice said, the silhouette cleared, and it was a man coming out of the shadows, brandishing a sword and wearing a fur cloak of some kind. He had blond hair, and very impressive cheekbones.

“WHOA!!” Both guys breathed out.

“He’s so pretty,” Phil whispered.

“SHHH!!!! Don’t let him hear you. He might not like that statement,” Dan hissed at Phil.

“Well he is,” Phil said.

“Maybe you should say handsome? Good looking? Any one of those terms?” Dan asked.

“But we’re all inclusive, non-gender, pro activists,” Phil said.

“Yeah, but I have a feeling that being politically correct will be frowned on,” Dan answered.

“Okay,” Phil said.

“Ahem, we’re friends.” Dan put out a hand, as the tall, broad shouldered man, well he was about their same height, but he was quite intimidating.

The cloak or what have you, made him look taller, and, was he muscular? Dan’s throat caught, and he gulped.

“He’s definitely not Evan Peters,” Phil whispered.

“Who?” The blond asked, just as a pretty red haired woman in a skin tight shirt, and matching skin tight trousers, greenish grey eyes and a slight willowy, tall build came into view.

The blond man’s face softened.

“Trevelyn, these strangers have just dropped in,” The blond looked confused.

“Have they now? From the Breach? I thought we fixed that?” She mused.

“Uh I’m Dan, and this is Phil,” Dan interrupted, he still had his hand out to shake hands should anyone desire to do so.

“Right, yes, where are our manners?” The redhead answered, shaking Dan’s hand, and Phil’s as well, respectively.

“I’m Inquisitor Trevelyn, and this is Commander Cullen Rutherford, we’re scouting out new fissures, and well it seems we’ve come across one,” She scrutinised them closely.

“Your clothes are odd,” The Commander spoke up.

“Commander Rutherford!” Trevelyn gave him a shake of her head.

“My apologies,” Cullen looked anything but apologetic. If anything, he still looked quite intimidating.

“I wonder how buff he is under that armour and cloak?” Phil wondered.

“Pretty muscular,” Dan concurred.

“They are odd,” the Commander said.

“Not as odd as you are, my love,” Trevelyn tried to whisper, but apparently the Commander’s statement was heard.

“Not as odd as you are dressing like you’re in medieval times, Dan said.

“Dan!” Phil gave him a sharp look of rebuke.

“What are you on about?” Cullen was on the defencive making the two jump back.

“N-Nothing,” Dan managed.

“We’ll bring you back to camp,” Trevelyn decided.

“Is that wise Inquisitor?” Cullen asked.

“We’re not leaving them to freeze Commander,” Trevelyn answered.

“I guess we’re going to camp?” Phil shrugged.

“Do you have internet?” Dan asked.

“What is this ‘internet’ that you speak of? Is it a new way to spy?” Cullen asked, his brows furrowing, and he looked even more intimidating.

“Uhhh some people spy with it,” Dan managed.

Phil looked quite scared, and had put his hands over his mouth.

“Whatever this ‘internet’ is, we do not have it,” Commander Cullen said quite fiercely.

“Oh god, I’m gonna faint,” Dan said, as he started shivering.

“No internet? No Twitter? No Tumblr?” Phil whispered, panicking a bit.

“Catch me!” Dan said.

“What about our phones?” Phil asked.

The two pulled out their phones, checking for a signal.

“What are those? Are those miniature swords?” Cullen plucked the phones out of their hands.

“Dammit! Now I feel naked,” Dan said.

"He-He too-took our ph-phones," Phil said.

“What are phones? Trevelyn was curious.

“They.... Well we talk to other people with them; if you please?” Dan held out his hand, and Trevelyn got them from Commander Cullen, and gave them back to Dan.

“Here, like this,” Dan put the phone up to his ear. Phil mimed dialing, and put his up to his own ear, “Then you talk....” The two mimed talking into a phone with lots of hand gestures.

“Useless,” Cullen scoffed.

“If they worked, which they don’t.... They wouldn’t be useless,” Dan huffed.

“Come along,” Trevelyn said, as they walked back with the two, and came upon some horses.

“Oh no!” Phil said.

“Not horses,” Dan said.

“What is wrong with horses? They are quite useful in the snow, and getting us back to camp,” Cullen spoke up, as he assessed the two young men before him.

He assumed they were male, as they had strange haircuts and even stranger clothing. They reminded him, a bit, of Cole. Cole was odd, but he was harmless. Let him just hope that these two were harmless as well. They could be demons in disguise. Cole would know. He was a spirit.

“One behind the Inquisitor, one behind me, hold on tight,” Commander Cullen said, as the two got situated on the backs of the steeds.

“How tightly do I need to hold?” Phil asked, as he gently put his arms around the man’s waist to stay on.

“Tight, but not too tight. Enough to hold yourself to the equine steed. I will let you know if you start to slip off,” Cullen answered, and glanced over at the Inquisitor.

She was gently guiding Dan’s hands to her waist, and wrapped them just so. He knew there wasn’t anything romantic in what she did. She saved her romance for him, only for him, and he returned the favour. They were just ensconcing these two into the camp, where they would be closely watched. And should danger arise, he knew that Cole, or Varric, or even Iron Bull would alert him to the trouble.

Firstly thus they must be outfitted in armour and overlying layers of cloth. Not his coat. For his coat was what made him a commander. No, perhaps they could be runners? He needed some more. His runners were becoming short of supply.

This damned War. He shook his head, as they trotted off. But his passenger started making gurgling sounds.

“I’m not very good with motion,” the person, Phil? What an odd name; spoke up as a disgusting sound filled the Commander’s ears.

“Maker’s Breath! Please tell me that, that was a figment of my imagination?” Cullen asked, as he turned his head sideways and found a green faced man, with a hand over his mouth. Surely his stomach could not be that weak.

“I’ve got trouble with motion sickness,˜Phil’ said. Just as the Inquisitor cantered alongside him and gave Cullen a quizzical look.

‘Dan’ spoke, “Phil are you okay?”

“No! Motion sick, and I didn’t even bring my pillow, and I.... chunks,” Phil finished lamely.

“We’ll be at camp soon. You can have a lie down,” Dan said.

“I-I hope I can survive the ride,” Phil chuckled nervously.

Both the Inquisitor and Commander shook their heads at each other. They, all four, arrived at the camp in more or less one piece. Someone took their horses, the Inquisitor went off to do something, and it was up to Cullen to outfit the two in something more proper

“You will want to dress,” Cullen said in what was his ’offhanded manner’.

“What’s wrong with my black jeans and black shirt?” Dan asked.

“For one it’s unnatural, for two, you are shivering,” Cullen looked in askance.

“But black makes him feel safe,” the other spoke up.

“Shhh Phil. If we’re here we might as well blend in,” Dan suggested.

“Ah yes, and you will be free to walk about. Do Not touch anything, or it will be upon your heads,” Cullen advised.

They mutely nodded, and Cullen walked them to the outfitters’ station.

“We need two runners’ uniforms,” Cullen ordered.

“Where did you find these two?” The outfitter was trying not to snicker.

“They were lost, the Inquisitor and I thought it best that they be brought here. However, they need other clothes,” Cullen answered.

“Of course,” The outfitter nodded, and left the three to themselves.

Things were awkward to say the least.

“What do ‘runners’ look like?” Phil wondered.

How should I know? I hope that whatever they’re putting us in, is aesthetically pleasing,” Dan answered.

“Me too. I like to match,” Phil replied as they waited.

“What about my jeans? They’d better not burn them!” Dan was suddenly in panic mode.

“Our jeans!” Phil put a hand over his mouth in shock.

“Maybe we can hide them? Or wear them underneath our new clothes?” Dan was now in planning mode.

The person came back with flappy looking robes and some armour.

“Oh....No!” Dan said, and shook his head vigorously.

“It can’t be that bad,” Phil said.

“Can’t....be... That...BAD?! Why the hell do you have to be so optimistic?” Dan held the fabric between his thumb and forefinger.

“I suggest you put the metal shoulder on first, and then fold the robe a bit, and fit it over....You’re the tallest runners we’ve ever had. I do hope you’re fast,” the outfitter said.

“Running?” Phil gulped.

“I am not running....Exercise, is evil!” Dan stated.

“How are we going to run anyway?” Phil asked.

“The best way we know how. Without falling over and dying,” Dan replied.

“How?” Phil asked.

“I don’t know!” Dan sighed. This was not something he was looking forward to at all.

Meantime in the Inquisitor’s tent:

Everyone was milling about. The Inquisitor and Cullen were shooting meaningful glances at each other, and though the whole of them; Josephine, Cassandra, Varric, and Iron Bull knew about them, they were very anxious to know what had happened during their scouting.

“Well?” Cassandra asked, and folded her arms across her chest.

“More fissures have opened,” Trevelyn answered.

“I thought the problem was taken care of?” Cassandra said, and looked between both Cullen and Trevelyn.

“As did I. But apparently not, and two strangers fell through. Though I believe, they are from a different time,” Cullen started pacing.

“Strangers?” Iron Bull was on the alert now, he and Varric exchanged glances.

“Harmless to be sure, but just in case, we’ll have Cole befriend them,” Cullen answered.

“Cole would be excellent. He has a nose for these things. He can read their minds,” Cassandra nodded.

“Where is he? Cassandra asked.

“He was sniffing about the food carts,” Varric said.

“I am here, though you do not notice me, I still watch. I still observe,” Cole stepped out from the shadows.

“Right. Uh, Cole, we have an important assignment for you. If you will take it,” Trevelyn kindly said.

“Of course, Inquisitor. I have seen those two men you are thinking about . They are odd. Like me. I am glad they are odd,” Cole said unexpectedly, making the Inquisitor smile.

“Just make friends with them,” Cullen said, a bit impatiently.

“I would very much like to be their friend,” Cole answered, and disappeared.

“Well that’s them sorted. I would like to see them,” Iron Bull said, his muscles rippling.

“They assessed my handsomeness,” Cullen sniffed, and looked quite disapproving.

“Well Commander, they are not wrong. You are a fine specimen. It’s a shame I can not hold your affections, nor the Inquisitor’s. Though I have tried,” Iron Bull smirked.

“I am sorry, Bull I prefer...” Trevelyn smiled ever so slightly at Cullen, who returned it with an imperceptible nod, and continued pacing.

“Yes, your preferences have been duly noted,” Bull grinned and was silent. He continued to smirk however.

“You will find them in....” The Inquisitor stilled her voice, as Cole had disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“Are they to be given free rein?” Josephine asked.

“Only so far. Like with Cole. We’ll have to keep an eye on them at all times. We need some new runners,” the Inquisitor spoke up.

“Ahh yes, runners, we’ve been going through a lot of them lately.

“Seems the opposition does not like our meddling,” Cassandra smirked a bit.

“They are efficient,” Trevelyn put in.

“Of course they’re efficient, and they bring and send messages. But can these two be trained in the right way? Will they prove their salt?” Josephine mused.

“If they are trained by the correct people. Varric, The Iron Bull, and I, will train them,” Cullen said.

“But you have got so many under your command, Cullen; is that wise of you?” Varric asked.

“I am the best at my chosen profession,” Cullen answered without preamble.

“Nobody doubts your proficiency Cullen. Just do not take on more than you can handle,” Trevelyn said, as she began pacing as well.

In the Runner’s Station:

Cole reappeared, but he didn’t let the clothier see him. He sneaked behind some boxes, until he came upon the two out of timers. He looked up at them from under his wide brimmed hat with a metal overlay. He was quiet, he wouldn’t let them see him for a while. He needed to read their thoughts, he needed to say the thoughts out loud.

He was looking forward to helping them. They did need help. This was not their time. Their minds were racing with, ‘computers’, and ˜laptops’, and ‘web cameras’, and something called ‘The Internet’. Whatever ‘phones’ were, and ‘Audience’, ˜Phans’, and ‘Community’.

He was curious. His interest was piqued. He was trying to formulate how to work out the words, and draw their interest, then make them forget.

He smiled at himself, emitting a low chuckle. He made it so that they could see him.

“The fuck?!” Dan jumped, and placed a hand over his heart.

Phil covered his face with his hands and his eyes widened.

“Oh God! Your hat! It’s...” Dan tried to think of something nice to say.

“Your hat is wide brimmed and cloth and metal, and fabulous,” Phil helped.

“Yeah, thanks Phil,” Dan said.

“You’re welcome,” Phil said, and circled Cole.

“Why are you going in circles? Shouldn’t you stand still? Won’t you fall?” Cole asked.

“I don’t feel dizzy,” Phil answered.

“You are an odd one, like me. You’ve got a way with words, making them spiral up and down like a delightful snowfall,” Cole’s eyes sparkled.

“I make poems on accident,” Phil confirmed.

Cole turned to Dan furrowing his brows,

“And, you, you feel as if you’ve not got a soul. But your soul flickers like a torch; and you are very kind. But you think you are an awful human, but you are not. If you were awful, he would not be your friend. He would have thrown you out of the....What is a ‘flat’? Is it truly flat? Do you stand in a corner? Are you not cold?” Cole started doing his thinking/reading minds thing.

It was what he did.

“May I ask you more questions?” Cole asked almost without preamble, as the two side glanced at each other.

“Of course,” Phil said, a bit too brightly.

“I reckon," Dan was much more cautious, but they had both ‘agreed’ through one of their ‘eye conversations’ that he was allowed. Cole seemed safe.

“What is the ‘Inter-net’?” Cole made the word into two syllables. ”Also, what are phones? What are Phans? What...” He stopped as they started chuckling.

“Are they jokes?” Cole was thoroughly confused.

“It all depends on how full you think the glass is. Some are jokes, some are serious,” Dan tried to explain.

“But you see the internet....” Phil put a finger to his chin in a thinking pose.

“I see waves of something that will give you a right shock, and black and white snow,” Cole, suddenly, announced.

“You see waves?” Dan was intrigued.

“The black and white snow is called static,” Phil put in.

“Static? I like that,” Cole nodded, and he smiled a little.

“We have a question,” Dan started.

“Yes?” Cole furrowed his brows.

“What are runners?” Phil asked.

“And why are they important?” Dan asked right after.

“Runners carry secret messages back and forth,” Cole said. “And they use ravens,” Cole added.

“Ravens?” Dan asked.

“Probably like Twitter,” Phil answered.

“Twitter?” Cole looked confused again.

“Part of the waves and the black and white snow,” Phil answered, as he and Cole seemed to be on equal, lateral thinking ground.

“Ahhh,” Cole still looked quite confused, but he was trying to understand.

“See we use a thing called ‘Twitter’ that gives you small messages back and forth,” Dan started.

“And it’s got a blue square with a white bird as a mascot,” Phil replied.

“Ahhh, and the bird...One moment..” Cole closed his eyes and nodded. “Ahhh yes, it looks a bit like a raven,” Cole picked up his sentence and looked deep into Dan and Phil’s eyes.

“But these are going to be real live birds that we have to handle, and I don’t think they have latex gloves here Phil!” Dan started getting panicky again.

“Calm down, if I can tame the pigeons at our flat, then I can handle a raven,” Phil said, looking absolutely delighted at the prospect of using a raven.

Dan breathed in and out of his nose, his heart was racing and he felt the flight or fight instinct start kicking in. “I am not going near medieval disease ridden birds!” Dan spluttered out.

“Abidda badda....Shhhhhh....Calm Down!” Phil put a hand towards Dan’s mouth to silence his friend. Dan went cross eyed, and glared at Phil. His eyebrows giving his face a dark look

“Don’t you pout at me. I’m saying if we’re ever separated, and I’m sure we will be, we will be able to still communicate. Using a quill and ink will be horrible. But it’ll be fun! Think of it like an adventure!” Phil looked absolutely giddy.

“You’re so full of fucking joy I could hurl chunks right now!” But even Dan was sort of starting to warm up to the idea.

Cole looked back and forth between the two friends, the arguing was almost, if not, quite as entertaining as when the Commander and the Inquisitor argued. He could tell that though these two were arguing, they were so close that they were not really angry with each other.

“The birds are quite tame,” Cole offered.

“Seeeeee!” Phil gestured.

“Seeeeeeee....What?!” Dan bit out.

“The birds are tame, and we won’t have any trouble tying on the messages to their legs,” Phil answered.

“Oh no, our ravens carry the messages between their beaks,” Cole spoke again.

“I’ll get bit, but I’ll learn,” Phil nodded.

“I’m not getting bit by diseased medieval birds!” Dan yelped out again.

“They are gentled, they will not bite,” Cole tried to assuage the youngling’s fear, and patted Dan’s shoulder, a bit roughly, for Dan lurched forward.

#DanandPhil/Dragon Age fanfiction

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