#I’ve acc never been there though and I’m YEARNING

[saisons-en-enfer]

I spent an entire week clearing my head and thinking about things. Ultimately I felt really good and had another great therapy session. I’ve been happy so I thought “ok everything is ok now so maybe I should post on tumblr” as soon as I did I just immediately felt drained

I always knew tumblr disturbs my well being in some way but I could never explain what… maybe now I can

Perhaps it’s not wise to spend time on a space I most associate with my darkest time

Perhaps tumblr is just a comfort zone that I no longer find much joy in and instead it feels like a chore

Maybe tumblr is a substitute for the void I feel in my life socially, it’s good but it can never be a replacement of the real thing

Maybe tumblr is holding me back from realizing my full potential as a person; it’s something I always cling to when I could be spending my time actually putting myself out there… maybe it’s denying me actualizing the potential I know I have for my life to be what I want it to be

Maybe I put too much effort into tumblr only to feel (erroneously or not) that I’m not appreciated and seen

Perhaps I care way too much about strangers that I’ve never met and get emotionally attached to people I can never see in my life or never be able to change their circumstances no matter how much I yearn to

Perhaps tumblr much like other social media is a means for comparison and that kind of behaviour is so fucking poisonous to me, hence why deactivating my IG was such a blessing

Maybe I just want something more, something that I’ll never find here and will instead be left burning for it always

My 20’s are coming to an end, I suffered so much and for much of it I genuinely didn’t want to be alive, I’ve changed so fucking much but yet lost all that time anyways so maybe tumblr just naturally frustrates me; it’s furtively indicative of idleness something that I hate

I change so much and perhaps tumblr is the last remnant of cowardice left in my system that I need to remove

I had 3 accs and maybe for this acc im just exhausted with having to post to gain traction and besides im not even followed by half the people I was mutuals with in my old blog before I deleted and im not the type anymore to beg for things

I seriously can go on, it’s just not a good time for me anymore, much like Last.fm and RYM

So I’m going silent indefinitely… I wish I could just delete and move on with tumblr, something I’ve incessantly clung to forever, but unfortunately I do not have support systems in play when shit hits the fan, even though recently I’ve been so much better

But I’ll never forget the people showing me love and affection when I could never show myself any. Now that I can, it’s only right I use that momentum and move forward I want my life to be something I’m proud of it and unfortunately it’s nowhere near what I want it to be

I will just post one more song as an early celebration for New Years, again I suffered so much this year but I can finally say my suffering had purpose im just far more empathetic and compassionate towards myself, and I confessed the truth to myself and accept my nasty behaviours so that I can get rid of the forever

Anyways, see you around :)

[elysiumcalled]

we could…idk….hold hands through the shark tunnel at the aquarium 🥺

#London has a shark walk instead of tunnel #but same thing #I’ve acc never been there though and I’m YEARNING #🥺😭 #dream date #posts

[saturnjae]

a-z analysis ~ l.j.n

includes: a whole lotta smut and my irrelevant opinion on jeno in bed.

writing his was death, because... JENO!!!!

if u have a problem with 00’ liner smut, even though they’re adults, please just ignore, scroll past and have a good day!

:::

a/n: i was writing renjun’s and i realised i should state this beforehand: i see jeno as a soft dom so, yeah....

:::

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

mostly cuddling, after he’s gained enough energy to clean you up, if you guys got messy. he’d hold you tight against himself, go back into clingy baby boy mode.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

i think he’d like thighs the most, the feeling of such soft flesh under his grasp would turn him on. on himself i think his favourite part would be his hands and he’d love to have them all over you. also, his tongue, he’s always sticking it out and would know how to make you feel good with it.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

jeno can be quite a messy cummer. if he isn’t cumming in one of your holes or a condom, he’ll usually go for your stomach. there’s something about the way you take his cum that he loves.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

jeno can’t help but think about how beautiful you’d look with one of his hands wrapped round your neck; using the last breath you have left in your lungs to beg him to let you cum.

yes, jeno wants to try being really rough with you but the poor boy doesn’t want to hurt you.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

my boy ain’t getting any action cooped up in them dorms, sorry :’( he doesn’t even like texting people or going out, which means he probably jerks off to porn when he’s alone. however, he’d probably get the hang of it pretty quickly once he’s started.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

he loves to see your reactions. the faces you make when he hits the right spot or the way your eyes roll back when you’re cumming for him. he wants to see your back arch as you tell him how good he’s making you feel. also, he absolutely loves eye contact during sex, he has such a powerful stare, it’s seriously deadly. so, jeno would prefer missionary or even cowgirl, anything as long as he can see you properly.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

though people say he’s not funny, he’s hilarious they’re all liars lol  he knows how to make you laugh. in the act, i believe he would be more serious most of the time. sometimes, however, he would occasionally flash you one of his cute smiles, if the mood wasn’t serious in the first place. or, if something awkward happened, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from laughing causing you to burst out laughing too.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

i don’t think i’ve ever seen a hair on jeno’s armpits so, that gives me the indication that jeno likes to take care of his body hair. i think he’d more likely be trimmed; sometimes, he might just shave it all for the heck of it.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

though he tries to act like he doesn’t like intimacy all the much, he’s very affectionate. he can be fairly romantic during the act, he wants to give you the ‘experience’. sex with jeno is pretty loving and he’d only be rough with you if you were being a brat or if he was in really stressed and angry.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

jeno gets off by himself probably a few times a week when he’s not too busy.... (i’ll give you an image of what it would be like)

it was as if the stars had aligned all of a sudden; his schedule almost never allowed him time and the dorm always seemed to be buzzing but for once he had some alone time. he sat in his chair in front of his computer. a hand slipped below his waistband and pulled out his throbbing cock. as he watched the playing on the screen, he couldn’t help but imagine both of you in place of the actors. he couldn’t help but imagine fucking you senseless like the man was. a few moans fell from his mouth along with your name. it felt so good but he would feel so much better if you were here...

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

i don’t see jeno as a very kinky person but he has a few things that seriously get him off like: praise {giving and receiving}, cockwarming, oral {giving more}, overstimulation {giving more}, light bondage...

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

pretty much on any surface he can take you, in the comfort of your own homes. but, it usually happens on the sofa or against a wall. he wouldn’t do much to you in public he might give you a few light, teasing touches. he’ll usually wait until you’re in private to do anything though.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

i think jeno would get turned on pretty easily, by you specifically. he finds himself wanting you most when he’s close to you for extended periods of time because that’s when his mind starts to wander and you’d end up feeling his bulge against you. i also think making out would get him going too. in my opinion, making jeno horny probably wouldn’t be a difficult task.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

like i said jeno isn’t extremely kinky, but i think he would be open to experiment. he wouldn’t like something he deemed dirty or dangerous much at all.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

jeno would love giving oral and he’s pretty good at it. he’s always sticking out his tongue and can no doubt use it well. he’d be a bit messy and rough with you but it would be very pleasurable. you would find it hard not to squirm and he’d have to hold your hips in place to stop you from bucking into him.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

he would be pretty speedy. his thrusts would be hard and sharp, which are sometimes rough when he doesn’t mean to be. however, when he wants to prolong your activities, for any reason, his thrusts be more deep and slow. regardless, he’s going hard.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

no doubt, he’d prefer proper sex but if he really needed you badly and you both had barely any time he wouldn’t be opposed to it. the frequency of them would happen depending on his schedule. when he’s very busy they would happen quite often because he’d feel bad if he left you needy for him for such a long time. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

he wouldn’t be opposed to experimenting with you and would take suggestions from you and suggest things himself, even. some more serious, potentially dangerous things he would be a little hesitant about but would try it if he thought it would be worthwhile. so, he isn’t a major risk taker but would definitely take risks to keep things ‘spicy’ ;)

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

jeno, no doubt, has good stamina. he’d usually go for two rounds, if time allowed it; more than two wouldn’t be too surprising from him. only if he was tired in the first place would he burn out after one round. i think he’d be able to last a pretty good amount of time, he might have you very sore and sensitive by the time he’s cum.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

doesn’t really like using toys; he’d rather make you feel good with his own body. he may use a vibrator on you to tease you once in awhile. he’d be open to use toys of your suggestion, however.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

jeno loves to tease. he likes hearing you whine and plea for him to touch you where you want it. he loves your cute little frown when your frustrated from not getting your way. he’ll do the opposite to what you want until you’re literally begging him to just get on with it.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

not very loud. he’ll let out groans and grunts quite a bit. i also see him as someone that might pant a little, especially when he’s close. when he cums he’s at his loudest which isn’t very loud. he’d probably just let out a few deep grunts and moans. you’d be making much more noise than him; he’d make sure of that.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

i just assumed i could write anything i wanted in this space lol

you didn’t know what had gotten into jeno, he was being much rougher than usual. maybe, it was the pent up frustration from not being able to see you that often; right now, jeno was fucking into you like there was no tomorrow, relishing in the guttural moans you released for him and the fact you were currently scraping your nails down his back unable to control yourself with all the pleasure he was giving you. there was no way you would be walk properly for the next couple of days….

rough jeno would be a treat but let’s just move on before i get too into it-

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

a little above average so, about 6+ inches and pretty thick. jeno has a big dick. i know he does! there is no way he doesn’t. the stretch would be just amazing... his dick, like the rest of him, would be very veiny. he’s also cut (no cocksleeves round here :’( sorry)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

jeno’s young and energetic so he’d have a pretty high sex drive. it would happen a few times a week, if his schedule allowed it. there’s something about you that makes him go crazy.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

depends on the amount of energy he had in the first place and how long you’ve been going for. sometimes he’ll knock out but other times he’ll watch you fall asleep beside him with a beaming smile on his face.

:::

i hope you liked it! again, i do write 00′ liner smut NO CHENSUNG as they are no longer minors so, any hate for it is literally invalid. if you have a problem just block my acc or the tag jeno smut. i’ve tried to keep it off most main tags, for the sake of people that may still be uncomfortable with it. reporting it is not correct or necessary.

#nct #nct smut #jeno #jeno smut #jeno a-z #a-z challenge #a-z analysis #jeno analysis

[shmaptainwrites]

okay so this is a writing acc so y’all are gonna get some writing but it’s more personal-

since the pandemic i’ve been struggling a lot with a lack of physical touch even from just friends and family. i feel like i’m constantly yearning for something i’ll never get back and that makes me feel empty.

i don’t think the people who are close to me will ever understand the extent to which i miss their touch.

i miss the way my practically my second mother would kiss me on my forehead to say goodbye (or goodnight if i was staying over)

i miss the way i would curl up under a blanket squeezed so close to my big sister even though there was so much space on the couch. the way she would wrap her arm around me and let me lean into her side.

i miss the way i would hug my auntie (more often than not with tears in my eyes) and she would tell me how much she loved me and even after each challenge and trial that i had grown as a human being, as a person.

i miss the way i would carry my little sisters, have them glued to my sides, hell even just holding their hand. my hands are small but theirs were smaller and they never wanted to let go because that’s just how much we loved each other.

but i think most of all, because it’s been the longest, i miss being in my grandparents' arms. having my grandma run a shaky hand through my tangled curly hair, the way she would press a kiss to my cheek whenever she saw me and hug me so tight like she didn’t want to let go. the way my grandpa will let me hold his hand while he’s watching the news on the couch and no matter how old i get my hands will never be bigger than his. the way we would all squeeze together for family pictures, getting as much as we could before we’d have to leave again.

i just miss it all so much but i can’t see a future where i’ll be able to have it again and it just crushes my heart over and over when i try to think of a better time but can’t see one for the foreseeable future. i just miss being able to be held by the people i love and i wish when i had it i didn’t take it for granted.

#mimi chats #i’m literally just poetically rambling #it’s stupid #you don’t have to look #i just needed to vent #most of these people are family friends #but we’re so close it’s like they’re my immediate family #i just miss them...