#If ur going thru the trouble of sending asks abt this person then put your own reputation on the line since you're trying to tank theirs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

by-kilian · 2 years

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(if this ask makes u uncomfortable in any way, feel free to ignore it, delete it, whatever u need to do. ur happiness matters more to me than anything else. however, i am specifically sending this not on anon, despite my incessant urge to do so as i barely ever send off anon, to give u the chance to reply to this privately if u want to. but that is if u want to! i don’t need, or want, anything from u. ur comfort outweighs any sort of recognition or interaction. i am also extremely unsure if this is gonna send properly bc i am on the tumblr app n the character limit seems to be nonexistent now? when did this happen HAHA…)

i went looking for u (scrolled thru the keyword of ur old user on tumblr, found an older ask that includes it) bc That App is talking abt That Story again. it always troubled me how things went down - i’ve experienced writers taking down their works before but never like that. orphaning works, sure. deleting ao3s, yep. but NEVER thru what u went thru. i don’t even generally go here (here being x readers), but That Story got pushed my way when the whole situation was in its hayday n i never properly paid attention to things until i caught wind of what u had to do. i had no idea it was that bad until maybe a week after the situation had been over n done with by ur actions. n i don’t blame u in the slighest. fandom culture is both extremely fun n extremely damaging - the fact u got the shortest end of the stick that i’ve ever seen is truly smth awful.

all of that aside, i am so extremely overjoyed to see ur still writing. truth be told, i hadn’t known of u before That Story, since again, my aversion to x readers. but ur writing is clearly smth special - n maybe this is extremely crude to say, i’m extremely sorry if it is - considering the way ppl acted over it. above it all, i am just happy to see that ur ok. everything is fine, as much as it can be. that fact alone leaves me content. i am SO glad u were able to push past it.

tldr, since i know this is a lot. i am so happy to see ur still kicking it, despite it all. content creation in any form is deeply personal if u put ur heart into it, n it seems like u do. i am so sorry for the way ppl treated u over That Story. i am doubly sorry if this made u feel upset in any way, shape, or form. that was not my intent, feel free to do whatever it is u need to do with this silly ask if this is the case. n maybe this is corny, but i hope more things fall in ur favor, instead of otherwise. have a nice day!

This is actually a really kind and considerate ask. I'll answer it under a cut since my response is pretty long though!

Firstly, I just want to say thank you for being thoughtful enough to consider my feelings in all of this. It's really kind of you and I'm not saying that just to say it. ❤️

Secondly, yeah. It all was a bit of a hell fire. While I wish it never happened, it obviously did but I'm happier now than I was then. Even before ThatStory blew up, my old writing blog was getting out of control and people were feeling super entitled to me, my works, what I did, and who/what I wrote about so in a way, I'm not surprised it headed that way although I never expected it to go THAT way lol. And yes, it was pretty bad but luckily it is done and over with. Fandom culture can be super fun and that's initially what it was for me--just fun before it unfortunately tipped over to the other extreme side of fandom which is toxic. It is what it is.

But to touch on your main point, thank you and it's not crude at all. I don't see your comment that way. In a way, I've come to think of it as much as well (that it must have resonated with people in some weird way) but not just with that particular story but other stories, too so it is really sweet that someone who doesn't read these kinds of stories thinks that of them as well. It also means a lot to me that someone cared enough to think about how I was doing after all this because that really hasn't been the case apart from loyal readers. Most ppl never think about me in this situation 😂 which is probably why what happened, happened. So thank you for the kind words. I'm fine. Like I said, happier now than I was in my previous blog. I've come to think that it's all meant to be. I get a lot more freedom here, I have the sweetest, most loyal readers, and no one feels entitled to my works, my time, or what I do.

Also you didn't upset me at all. While it's admittedly irritating to see people still talking about that shit a literal year and three months or so later, that has nothing to do with you so no worries. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to check up on me, and thank you for being so kind. Content creation is super personal and I do put my heart into it, so it means a lot to me that you see that 🥺! Truly.

I'm touched that there are still kind, good, decent people out there because for you to take the time to look for me and send me something lovely truly means a lot, especially considering you weren't necessarily a reader of mine--just clearly a kind, thoughtful human being. I can't express how much I appreciate it. Honestly. Thank you so so much for the lovely sentiments, and I hope all is well for you in the future as well. ❤️❤️❤️

#asks

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mhalachai · 6 years

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IM SO GLAD U UPDATED! HoC is my fav stucky fic. ive been meaning 2 send u an ask, but i just got around to reading all the outtakes and tumblr posts but i hope its ok if i ask a few questions? u obv dont have 2 answer but i just wanted 2 share my thoughts w u! 1st of all, reading ur thing abt the Sex Talk made me think abt nat starting her period in a house of boys/everything w that. i would LOVE to read a scene of that, or at least ur ideas of how itd go (aka how bucky would handle it...) (1/3)

(2/3) 2ndly i was wondering if u r planning on bucky opening up more 2 steve, or at least more narration, abt what he went thru as a kid? as some1 who has gone thru something similar, u write it rly well & 4 me it actually helps 2 read fictional stories w that stuff? + u do a great job at what is likely for a person 2 share (i see lots of ppl writing a character spilling everything 2 somebody else which isnt v realistic) but id luv to see him open up a bit more or at least that b touched on more

I didn’t get your third ask! There’s a super-weird tumblr bug where if you have an ellipse followed by a space, the ask vanishes. Please feel free to resend :D

OK! I did write a mini-outtake about Natasha getting her period in a house full of boys (and Wanda by that point, but Wanda is two and it’s all an aside), it’s at https://mhalachai.tumblr.com/post/147216933987/i-totally-think-nat-would-be-so-chill-and-casually. tl’dr Bucky tries to act all cool but he’s a dork but at least he doesn’t mess anything up.

As to having Bucky open more to Steve about some of the stuff he’s gone through, I’m hesitant to go down that road in the story as Bucky isn’t in a place (at this point in the story) where he really wants to revisit any his past - he’s done a heck of a lot of repressing and avoidance that if he can just be successful and make money and raise Natasha right and keep her safe (ie keep control over his life) then he’ll be “okay”. For Bucky, with everything that happened when he was a teen, it was all so tied up in his mind with being helpless and not having any control that he hyper-focused on that control and being in charge of his own destiny, and pushed other aspects of his situation at the time to the back.

I think that the best thing Steve can do for Bucky, and that Bucky can do for himself, is for Bucky to take the hand offered to him in times of troubles, and know that he can lean on Steve and trust him wholeheartedly, which at this point in the story (chapter 32) Bucky hasn’t really let himself think yet. Yes, he loves Steve, and knows that Steve loves him, but he’s not quite ready to put much weight on their bond, or test how much he can depend on Steve to stand by him and be there in the hard times. That will take time, and some work on both their parts.

Thanks so much for your ask and all the best to you, anon

#hands of clay #asks #anon #Anonymous

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