#If you're ulfric isn't a bear

[m-u-n-c-h-y]

If you’re gonna simp for old, intolerable men, at least do it right.

#skyrim #the elder scrolls #tes v #ulfric stormcloak #general tullius #Ralof #Hadvar #because those men are SIMPS #Look I was very tired of the community trying to give these old geezers fucking 6 packs #Ulfric is in his 50's and Tullius is probably in his 60's #Not to mention they probably have wildly different body types #but that's bethesda's fault #REGARDLESS #If you're ulfric isn't a bear #and your Tullius doesn't look like a greek sculpture but old #then are you TRULY living??? #Are you REALLY simps??? #Get on Hadvar and Ralof's levels people #doodles #sketches #my art #fan art #got the munchy's? #Feel free to debate me but you'll most likely lose this

[slen-tiid-vo]

NSFW headcanons for a few characters

Contains brynjolf, ulfric, rikke, karliah, serana, Astrid, miraak, and teldryn

Brynjolf

Whats the opposite of a power bottom? Fuck it, a Brynjolf is the opposite of a power bottom. This man takes the reins, but he's going wherever the fuck his partner points, you feel me? Brynjolf is the kind of guy who gets so into being on top/dominate, that he circles back around into this odd type of submission. Loses all control even if he, technically, is the one in control.

Boy's got a knack with his fingers and hands that would make Dibella damn proud of him.

Favors slow, sensual encounters. Brynjolf would rather have a deeply erotic, charged moment full of intimacy and sensuality, than actually have sex. The anticipation is addictive to him. He can do something rougher, and with enthusiasm, but those long, drawn out, torturously slow affairs rewrites his brain chemistry.

Ulfric

Has fucked one person, in his whole life, and has no intention of ever doing so again. It was a girl he fell in love with in the Legion, and they planned to marry after it was all over. Well. "Over" never came, and she sided with the Legion. He still thinks of her, and misses her.

When he was with her, his greatest asset was his voice; he was a sweet talker who didn't shut up, and she loved his deep voice and thick accent right in her ear. The voice is still an allure, but only if you can get him talking, now. Would be much more reserved in bed these days

Eats pussy but the beard is...an acquired taste

Rikke

Has done damage with those thighs in and out of the bedroom, first of all

Had the drive of a saber cat in heat when she was younger. Now, she just has the ferocity, and none of it translates in bed. If she has the time, and is that desperate, to hook up, wants it done quickly and efficiently. Its like a trip to the healer rather than something to enjoy

Has fantasies of clothed sex, or fucking in a wide open space where anyone could see if they walked in. Would never act on it

Has a thing for babblers

Miraak

This is an endurance test, and not just because of what he's packing. Dragonborn stamina is...well. Dragons do their thing one way, humans do theirs another. Dragon stamina is not in the same ballpark as human.

Honestly, not very good at sex. He never learned how to use his dick beyond what felt good for him. Never learned how to use his hands or mouth for a similar reason. He's open to learning, but...he might be pissy about the whole "You're not very good at this" thing. Sensitive in more ways than one.

Karliah

Used to routinely attend what was, essentially, a strip club with Gallus for date nights. They both enjoyed the pageantry, and the shamelessness of it did a lot for her, being a reserved person.

Still enjoys such shows, but hasn't attended one since.

Used to enjoy public sex, right under everyone's noses. Or above on the rooftops. Or under bridges. In a tree, once

Serana

Ace lesbian argue with the wall

Has a soft spot for orc ladies. Real big soft spot. She likes a big teddy bear lady who can turn into a grizzly if need be. And a nice pair of arms...woof

Occasionally 'window shops' dudes and has a tier list of which men from every local faction she finds attractive. Arnbjorn from the Dark Brotherhood is at the very bottom, thinks he smells so fucking bad. The top? Viarmo at the Bards' College. A classy gent.

Would kill someone if Mjoll the Lioness asked

Astrid

Carefully curated the femme fatale persona, but not that horny, actually. Arnbjorn doesn't have much drive, being too prickly of a bastard, and Astrid just finds it a chore half the time

When they do find themselves in the mood, they have to go find a fort or something in the woods. The Sanctuary echoes. There's no soundproofing. Nazir threatened to neuter Arnbjorn if it ever happened again.

Astrid doesn't give a shit but Arnbjorn does. And so, the Sanctuary can rest easy, knowing that it isn't them being kept up all night if the married couple run off together

Teldryn

So fucking picky with everything, but he's great for sizing up someone else's potential partners.

This fucker has so many requirements and hard no's. He's worse than Miraak. If their stone sign is warrior and their mother is from the ____ region and their dad is alive, hard no. That kind of thing. Has a lot of icks.

That being said, fucks like a rabbit. Hypocrite, or settling for less? You decide

Uses magic for sex and has gotten rather good with it. Has hurt himself experimenting, however

#skyrim #tes v #miraak #brynjolf #ulfric stormcloak #teldryn sero