#Jordan the Riekling Warrior

[themegachessatron]

A Review of my time in Skyrim's Prisons (Featuring some followers): Riften Jail

Part 5 of my Skyrim Prison Review series. This chapter finally breaks the "every interior looks the damn same" chain by looking at Riften, Skyrim's capital of corruption, inequality and... fishing. I think that last one might be important.

Since my last review the inner circle has grown a few notches. Joining me this time is Dunmer heartthrob Teldryn Sero, Whiterun's finest donkey Lydia, Jordan the peak Riekling specimen and the returning Inigo and Sofia. Actually getting arrested and put into the cell here proved surprisingly difficult. We first tried punching one of the homeless people on the streets unprompted but nobody batted an eye when we did. Then I tried stealing food from a nearby cart but again, nothing. So for the third attempt I thought of a real humdinger. I went into the orphanage and suplexed the old lady running it so hard that her spine broke and she died instantly. The children in the orphanage were naturally very happy and- wait, happy!? I was shocked to find them all celebrating her death! I mean she was called Grelod the Kind for Diagna's sake! I swear, kids these days are so ungrateful! Nobody even called the guards! I murdered an innocent old lady without consequence and I have no idea why. In the end we had to literally beat a guard to death to finally get in enough trouble to warrant an arrest. So much hassle, and for what? Well let's see...

Riften's cell is oddly nice, with a full bed provided in each cell as well as a desk, lighting setup and chairs (no rug though, unfortunately). It was also quite cramped inside the cell with all us inside of it due to the relatively small floor size. Had we all not decided to investigate as a group this would've likely been far more adequate of a cell. There are even multiple other cells in this jail, so it's clearly built for capacity (Maven has a lot of enemies it would seem).

Attached to the back wall was a pull ring. The ring in question somewhat blended in with the dark colouration of the walls and pulling on it opened a secret entrance and revealed a secret tunnel behind the prison walls. The actual outline for the secret entrance was quite clearly visible so identifying it as a possible escape route was easy. Normally in this situation I'd leap at the opportunity to criticise the laziness of the guards in not being able to identify the obvious avenue for escape, likely by making some joke about them being more blind than a Falmer or the like, but given the very obvious and deep-rooted corruption in Riften hold (which on fear of my life I know nothing about), it's more likely the guards know about it but are paid to turn a falmer's eye. This isn't as bad as the guards being incompetent at their jobs. It's worse. It shows just how tarnished the internal systems of this city are and is beyond shameful.

Further down the path we were greeted by... a bathing spot? Excess water flow point? Fishing training spot? Given the large Riften fishing scene I'm inclined to assume it's the latter (See? Told you the fishing would be important!). Unfortunately when we arrived there were no fish in the water or indeed fishers-in-training doing their practice reels. Perhaps they were taking the day off?

The path continued downward to eventually lead to a sewer grate (very original, Riften. Veeeeerrrry original). We sent Jordan ahead first to ensure the path ahead wasn't too mucky and/or filled with waste. He (She? It?) was hesitant at first but a quick reminder of her (His? Its?) position in our tribe proved convincing enough to put its (I'm going with its) mind at ease.

We were dropped out of the grate into the depths of Lake Honrich. Hardly the most glamourous escape but it sufficed. Inigo wasn't particularly happy getting his fur so wet but the damage had already been dealt. We took this opportunity to return to the jail normally using guard armour and a few brilliant false moustaches as disguises to look at the space outside the cells.

As previously mentioned, there are a lot of cells in this jail, significantly more than most and the building is well-designed to accommodate these large cells. Though if the rather pompous-looking man in the top left corner is any indication some of the more well-off prisoners can quite easily obtain certain luxuries for their cell. It's also worth noting that (while not pictured above because I forgot to take a visual illustration of it at the time) the prisoner belonging chest is in a wholly separate room in the jail, multiple rooms apart from where the cells are located so no optimistic burglar is picking their cell lock, breaking into the belongings chest and retrieving their beloved Nightingale Boots easily, that's for sure!

Overall... wow. This jail is something else. Much like Riften itself it's simultaneously a brilliant location that operates highly efficently or the biggest sack of Chaurus droppings I've ever encountered. Much of it's defining strengths only exist due to deep seated corruption and the influence of one particularly angry middle-aged woman making them so (which again, I reiterate, I know *nothing* about). As such I can't in good faith call Riften Jail an adequate prison.

Final score: Three Nightingale Boots out of Ten Nightingale Boots

Thank you for reading this review. Next time we go slightly more formal and investigate Imperial HQ, Solitude and the Castle Dour Dungeons

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