#Koto's 100 Followers Gifts

[danganronpa-21]

Can you please do a HoshiMatsu (Ryoma x Kaede) hurt comfort scenario where they go through survivor’s guilt from the killing game? Gonta’s the third survivor being the the greatest comfort too. Also Shuichi’s the traitor like Sakura.

Rating: Teen & Up Audiences

General Warnings: Mentions of Canon Typical Violence

Fandoms: Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony

Relationships: Ryoma Hoshi/Kaede Akamatsu, Ryoma Hoshi & Gonta Gokuhara, Kaede Akamatsu & Gonta Gokuhara

Additional Tags: Survivor’s Guilt, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship

Chapter Word Count: 6,014 words

Chapter Summary: Kaede is the most cheerful, optimistic person that Ryoma has ever known... and that only makes it worse when he can see that she's hurting, but she won't tell him why.

[Read it on AO3.]

Ryoma would never love again after losing Mio.

This is what he told himself before shit somehow hit the fan even harder than it had before. Assuming it had, anyway. He still had no way of knowing if what Tsumugi said was actually the truth. Perhaps his entry into her killing school life truly was the beginning of shit hitting the fan, and he’d actually lived a fairly normal existence before that… well, as normal as you could get, being obsessed with a reality TV show where contestants lose all sense of self and get murdered for the amusement of their peers. He still shivers when he thinks about the kind of person he might have been. There is still no way of knowing, but he can’t seem to stop his mind from drifting there from time to time. Kaede is constantly reminding him that he shouldn’t. 

Kaede… He would never love after Mio, but then, out of nowhere in the darkest times of an especially dark life, there was Kaede. 

From the moment they met, she flooded his being with pep and optimism. Confident, plucky, and incredibly friendly, she never struck him as the kind of girl that he would go after. A man who had nothing to live for had little to say to a girl who seemed to believe in the beauty of the world around her. He couldn’t relate to her insistence that they should try to be friends, that everything was not as bad as it seemed, and that they should try one last time to escape. His first impression of her was that she was simply exhausting. He had no idea how anyone could afford to have that much energy, especially in a place that was determined to crush them. Even when they lost their first classmate, a cool and stoic girl named Maki, Kaede kept her head up. She encouraged everyone to keep working together to solve the mystery of their killing school life and get home safe. No matter how many times they stumbled, she was always there, begging her classmates to just try things one more time. 

Perhaps that was what he came to like about her, in the end. She was always a glass half-full kind of person. It applied to every part of her life. He imagines that’s why, in the end, she could come to love someone like him, too. He could think himself a beast, yet she would look at him as if he painted puffy white clouds in the sky just to fascinate her. A killing game was the last place he anticipated surviving, let alone finding love, so the experience was more than a little odd to him… but in the end, they were two of three who survived it all, who came out the other end when Tsumugi made every possible attempt to crush them. And, in the end, it was the two of them against the world – well, the two of them and Gonta, anyway. 

It had been three months since their release from the Killing School Life, and the three of them had holed themselves up in a dingy two-bedroom apartment, trying to figure out where to go next. It was cramped and smelled a bit like feet, but it still felt like freedom in comparison to the enclosed dome of the Gifted Inmates Academy. It was warm, dry, and they could come and go as they pleased, so Ryoma saw no reason for complaining. He did his best to keep things clean where he could, and Kaede and Gonta had taken to decorating it where they could. After all, Gonta’s gentlemanly sensibilities connected well with Kaede’s thoughtful tastes, so they found that the two of them worked well together as a home furnishing team. If they needed someone to fix a leak in the piping of the sink, though, that was all Ryoma. It wasn’t much, but it was home, and they would happily work together to make it more of something. 

Some days, it was harder to do that than others.

The sorrows of their unknown pasts and unforeseeable futures had a habit of grating on them, making it damn near impossible to accomplish anything. If one of them was overtaken by a dark cloud, a faint reminder of what they lost or a flickering memory of one of their dead classmates; it was over. They could be out of commission for days or even weeks. The other two, whoever they were, would take care of them – they were all they had, of course they would – but it would be hard to keep up morale. It is crushing enough for one of them to be experiencing that pain, but when the others can see and understand it so blatantly, it only gets worse. Ryoma is ashamed to admit that it is him most times it happens. He hates being a burden on Kaede and Gonta, but he knows he cannot control the weight of his emotions, no matter how desperately he wants to. It is hard, knowing how much of a burden he is placing on his friends, and even more so on Kaede, who more often than not is the person who keeps up a smile. She never seems to falter quite like he does, and he wishes he could be more like her. Hell, he wishes he could care for her like she cares for him. 

Would she let him if the situation arose, he wonders? She’s never cried or refused food or lost sleep the same way he and Gonta have. Or, if she has, she’s never said a word about it. He hopes that that’s not the case. She deserves to be comforted just as much as anyone, if not more. But does he have an inflated perception of how much she needs him? It is difficult to say, but on their next day alone, he finds himself learning the truth of what she hides behind that glass half-full. 

It is just the two of them. Gonta has gone out on some expedition in search of bugs, so the newly dating couple decides that they will have a nice night in, just the two of them. Neither of them is prepared to go running out into the world for a fancy meal or some lavish date. It seems like a no-brainer that they decide to spend their time together making a meal instead. After all, it adds another layer to their bonding… as does the thirty minutes it takes them to pick out what they are going to eat. Ryoma and Kaede are more similar than anticipated in many ways, but when it comes to food, the differences definitely start to show. The two of them go back and forth on ideas – Ryoma suggests Western and Kaede wants Japanese. Ryoma thinks the meal should feature more carbs like rice and pasta, but Kaede wants it to have more meat and veggies. Ryoma wants something with a bit of spice, but Kaede doesn’t want any at all. Finally they are able to settle on a classic: curry rice with a side of eggplant dengaku. Kaede initially suggests that they try to make the curry rice with the eggplant, but Ryoma has never tried the flavour before, so they decide to stick with the regular meat to keep things comfortable. All things considered, it’s quite fun to get to work on a meal together as a couple. Most of the time, everyone in the apartment takes turns cooking for each other. Kaede and Ryoma have scarcely had the opportunity to interact in the kitchen. 

“How’s that rice comin’, Ryoma?” Kaede asks, lifting her tasting spoon out of the pot of curry sauce. She slips it into her mouth so delicately that Ryoma can’t help but watch. How is everything she does so perfect? Her eyelashes flutter a little as she savours the taste, and when she pulls it out, she grins. 

“It’s rice,” he replies, “Hard to mess up.” 

She giggles – a cute, short little thing, yet one he loves nonetheless. Kaede has a great laugh. It’s musical, ironically enough. Still, he can’t help but notice that it doesn’t seem completely there today. It’s not necessarily gone, but it almost sounds a little more forced. Normally, it comes as easy to her as blinking or breathing. “I guess you’re right about that. The curry’s coming along as well.”

Is she hiding something? It seems like the wrong time to ask. Even if he does, she might just brush him off, not wanting to ruin their evening together. Everyone in the group has had their dark hours, but Kaede has always seemed content to push hers away. Maybe this is another one of those times. He’ll just take things slow for now, see what else he can get out of her. For all he knows, the laugh could have been a fluke. She’s been a mellow cheerful all day otherwise. 

“Do you think it will be ready soon?” 

She shrugs, not stopping to meet his eyes. “Maybe… I think I’d give it a few more minutes, just to be safe. Make sure we really lock in that flavour.”

He doesn’t say anything back, just nods. He shifts attention instead to the eggplant dengaku. While the dish is traditionally grilled, their access to something like that is lacking, so they’ve used a combination of a skillet and broiler to get the effect. It should be just as smoky as one cooked the traditional way, anyway. He slips on some oven mitts and pulls it out with relative ease, inhaling the earthy scent. “Eggplants are looking good, too. Can you pass the miso sauce?” 

Ryoma reaches over to grab a pair of tongs, too engrossed in his soon-to-be examination at first that he doesn’t notice when he can’t hear the clink of the miso bowl beside him. When he first starts looking, he just assumes that Kaede will be ready in a minute. Then, a few more seconds pass, and it becomes increasingly clear that she won’t be passing it. In fact, he’s not hearing anything from her section of the kitchen. When he flicks his head up to look at her, she is staring down at the pot of curry, the smile that was once on her face having disappeared. Her eyes look almost blank as she stares down, watching it bubble. 

“Kaede?” He calls out again. 

Instantly, she snaps to attention. The smile reappears, but her eyes don’t seem to agree with it. 

“Sorry, did you say something?” 

He quirks a brow at her, not sure whether he should press or just asking for the miso. The former makes the most sense, he thinks. If he wants Kaede to open up to him more, then he needs to prove to her that he is open and ready to listen. “Are you okay?” 

The smile doesn’t crack, and her expression does not falter. It seems almost painted on. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” 

“You… seem a bit distracted.”

“Oh, well,” Kaede shrugs and tucks her hair behind her ear, “It’s nothing you need to worry about. I’m just lost in my thoughts.” 

Ryoma purses his lips. “It’s best not to be lost in thoughts all alone.”

She simply shakes her head and turns back to the curry pot. “Never you mind, Ryoma. I don’t want to ruin our night with my silly worries. They’ll come and go just like always.”

“You might feel better if you talked about them.” 

“And you might feel better if you let this go,” she chuckles, surprisingly without even a hint of bitterness, “Seriously, Ryoma, I’m fine. Let’s just focus on making a nice dinner, okay?” 

Ryoma sighs. “Whatever you say, Kaede. I just want you to know that if you need me, I’m here.” 

“I know. I’ve always been able to depend on you, Ryoma. Ever since the moment we met.” 

His brows furrow at those words. Nice of her to say, but not so easy for him to feel… If she’s that worried and there’s nothing he can do, is she actually being honest? Or is she just trying to placate him? He bites his lip absent-mindedly.

“... Right.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kaede frown, but she seems to decide that it is better to not try to convince him. Her attention sneaks back to their meal, and he decides that it would be better if he were just to grab the miso himself. Once in his hands, he coats the eggplants carefully, watching out of the corner of his eye as Kaede begins to scoop the rice from the pot into a duo of bowls. Nothing more is said between them as they prepare everything. It is best if things remain wordless for now. As soon as they have their food served, they make their way to the couch to sit and eat. 

Even that ends up being quiet. It would be excessive to say that there is necessarily tension between the couple, yet there is a sort of pressure between them. After all, Kaede doesn’t want Ryoma to know, but all Ryoma wants to do is ask, so how are they supposed to overcome their competing desires? Is there any way to get through this situation that will leave them both satisfied? In the end, they just resort to not talking about it. Kaede steers conversation in other places instead. Should we make a bowl for Gonta, she asks. Yes, I’ll do that after I finish up here, Ryoma responds. Then there is some silence again, broken only by the sound of chewing. This eggplant is really tasty, Kaede tells him. It was Mio’s recipe, Ryoma admits. That draws the conversation on longer, but only by a few minutes. There is still nothing of true substance, just a lot of beating around the bush. This was not at all the date night that they had planned. Knowing that she was hiding from something from him, Ryoma couldn’t entirely blame her for not wanting to talk, but the constant beating around the bush served to make the conversation all too stale. Listening to tangents about the weather and the sound of chopsticks scraping against your bowl could get old fast. 

In a time like this, you would think that the minutes would pass by like hours, yet it seemed that the meal went by in a flash. Before he knows it, Ryoma is done, and he is watching Kaede shovel in the last of her curry. The air between them is still relatively still and quiet, but he can see that by now, Kaede’s pleasant demeanour is beginning to falter. As she looks down at the last of her food, her mouth curves into more of a frown than it does a smile.

“All done?”

It’s a stupid question to ask, Ryoma knows, but it’s the only thing he can think of other than “are you sure you’re okay”. That, he knows, is not something he will get a proper answer to. It’s more than likely that he’ll get the same answer as before – yes, I’m fine. Or, if Kaede is getting particularly sick of the prying, he might be told to stop asking. He’s never seen her get angry about that, but he hasn’t ruled out the possibility. There are plenty of people who just hate to be asked, over and over again, if they’re fine. He would know. When it came to Mio, he used to be one of them.

Kaede nods softly, holding her hand out in expectation. He places his bowl in it carefully, muttering his thanks as she stacks it on her own and rises from her seat. His eyes flicker away as she begins to walk to the kitchen. It would be unnecessary to watch her every move, and if they’re not locked in conversation, he has no need to stare at her. Looking at her would only remind him that she’s in pain, and that he doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it. He’s half-way through lamenting to himself about what a terrible boyfriend he is when suddenly, a quick gasp snaps him out of his thoughts. His head whips over to Kaede, and he is able to catch the exact moment that the bowls fully slip out of her grasp, falling hard and fast to the floor. Within seconds, the bowls crash against the ground, smashing into pieces of black bone china. Kaede yelps as they make contact, trying to shuffle her bare feet away from the site of the accident. 

“Kaede!” Ryoma exclaims, rushing to her side to assess the damage. “Are you okay? You didn’t get cut, did you?” 

Kaede doesn’t answer. She just stares down at the chunks of shattered bowls, eyes chasing each piece and splatter of leftover curry or miso. Ryoma places a hand on her lower back and peers up at her face, hoping it is just shock that has struck her silent. As soon as he sees her eyes, however, his heart sinks. In that place he has so often associated with joy, he finds only tears. They are just on the edge of her lashes, and are met with a quivering lip further below, but it will still be a few more seconds before they fall. 

He darts down to look at the floor, taking care to examine the space around his girlfriend’s feet. None of the broken china seems to have scraped or cut her, with most of the pieces falling in front of her rather than around or behind her. Definitely not hurt. He is about to ask her again if she’s alright, when suddenly he hears her start to sob. 

God, it’s only the first time he’s seen Kaede cry and he already hates it. Someone so kind and warm should never have to experience any pain, even over a broken plate. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks in the softest voice he can muster, brows furrowing as he rubs the part of her back he can reach. “It’s okay, it’s just a couple of bowls.” 

Once again, Kaede does not answer. She just keeps crying, fat tears slipping down her cheeks one after the other. It’s like she doesn’t even know Ryoma is there. That makes her crying sting worse. So much for her knowing she could always count on him. He’s practically useless to her right now. He heaves a heavy sigh, shaking his head. 

It won’t do him any good to be self-deprecating. He may not be the boyfriend she deserves, but he needs to try to be. He owes her that much.

“It’s not about the bowls, is it?” 

Kaede shakes her own head frantically, still whimpering like a little girl. Her hands reach up to swipe at her eyes, creating black streaks with her mascara. He makes a mental note to grab her some make-up wipes in a minute. For now, he just needs to get her comfortable, away from the scene of the crime, so the two of them can have a real talk about what’s happening here.

“Why don’t you go sit down, Kaede? I’ll clean this up, and then we can talk about what’s going on. That sound good?” 

For a sliver of a moment, she hesitates, like she’s frozen in place by her tears. It is not until he repeats her name, softer and gentler, that she finds it within herself to nod and sniffle, stepping back from the bowls to let him get a better look at the ground. He wastes no time rushing to the kitchen to grab a garbage bag to put them in, only watching out of the corner of his eye for Kaede’s safe arrival to the couch. Judging by the lack of yelps of pain, he can only assume he made it unharmed.

Just like their meal, the moment between the two of them is most silent, except now what was once conversation has now become the sound of Kaede’s soft crying. Part of Ryoma almost feels guilty for wanting to ignore it, but he already feels as if he is doing that very thing – he just wishes the tears would stop. He’s not so selfish as to wish that Kaede be his happy girlfriend who always supports him and Gonta, but more that she should not have to feel that sort of pain. In the back of his mind he has always known that she is as tortured as they are by what happened. It’s just that he didn’t want her to be. He wishes it didn’t have to be so. And that’s just the problem – if she is as tortured as they are, then this is perhaps the first time she has had the courage to show it. 

How close does she need to be to her breaking point for this to be the case?

Ryoma cleans up the remainders of the bowl as best he can, resolving to vacuum up any of the more minute pieces he would have missed. His focus right now, his greatest focus, is joining Kaede on the couch so they can talk about what’s happened. As he went through the process of cleaning, her sobs tempered themselves slightly, but it would be an exaggeration to say that they had been crushed entirely. Her eyes were definitely still wet and her heart still pained. When he is reunited with her, the weight of her emotions has not left her. It is still laying there inside of her, festering, but trying desperately to grasp at the solace that Ryoma is offering. Perhaps part of the pain comes from being unused to comfort when these sensations arise. 

It hurts that once he finally rejoins Kaede, the first thing she tries to do is flash him a smile. It is by far the weakest from her that he has ever seen, and the fact that she even feels she needs to do this breaks his heart. What has the world done to this poor, kind woman? They have already won their battle against Tsumugi and Team Danganronpa, but a bitter part of him longs to fight them again, if only to take revenge for her. Alas, he cannot. All he can do is take her hand in his own and stroke her thumb with his, prepared to listen.

“I’m sorry for getting upset,” she whimpers, reaching up to swipe at her eyes, “I know it’s not like me to be so…” 

“Don’t apologize.” He cuts in far before he can actually think to do so. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

Kaede says nothing in response, only stares gratefully at him. Why does he get the sense that it was not uncommon, in her other life, to say sorry when she was hurt? Did nobody comfort her? No, no. He shakes the thought from his mind. They must have. Kaede spoke so fondly of her family, in particular her twin sister… This must have come from somewhere else. All he can do is pray that it is not his own failure to support her that has made her feel such things. 

Ryoma draws in a deep breath, trying to refocus. Don’t get away from yourself, this is about her. You say you want to take care of this woman, so put your money where your mouth is.

“I want to know what’s wrong, Kaede. You haven’t been yourself today, and I know you didn’t like those bowls enough to be upset that they’re broken.” 

Kaede chuckles softly. “They were pretty ugly.”

“Like something your grandmother would own.” 

She laughs again, and it’s like music to Ryoma’s ears. Nothing in this moment is perfect, but that little giggle is as close as it’s going to get. He hates that he’ll have to direct her away from this small joy to get back to the source of their problem. It might be that realization that makes him squeeze her hand.

“Now, please tell me what’s going on with you.”

That small smile, the one that felt like such a prize, quickly melts. Her expression is almost pinched, but he can tell it’s not from discontent with him. If she has such little experience expressing her emotions, then this won’t come easy. Learning to be the one person who keeps up a happy face surely took a toll on her, even if she won’t admit it. The heavy sigh expelled from her lungs only serves to confirm his theory. 

“Can I… can I start by asking you something?” 

Ryoma shrugs. “If it’ll help you.”

“Do you ever… do you ever feel like, I don’t know… responsible for some of the stuff that happened? Like when we were in the Killing Game?” Kaede’s eyes dart down to her lap. “I know we’ve always said that it was Tsumugi who did those things, and Team Danganronpa, but… if what they said is true, then we agreed to it, y’know? We agreed to our friends getting hurt.” 

“We didn’t agree to anything,” Ryoma corrects, much more sharply than he intends to, “We didn’t have any control over the agency of the others. We chose for ourselves. We were blinded by that choice, by our passion for something like that. It didn’t seem so wrong then.”

Kaede swallows so thickly in the moment, he almost has to wonder if he’s said exactly the wrong thing. The way her brow quirks doesn’t exactly do his confidence any favours either. Nonetheless, he stills himself. He remembers what this is all for, who this is all for. “You think we didn’t think it was wrong?” 

“If something like that was on television, then it would be pretty normalized. Hell, Tsumugi suggested that the whole damn thing was popular. People might not bat an eye, because the participants consented and knew what they were getting into. Nobody would ever really consider what was going on on the other side. I mean, it’s just like when you used to see the Olympics on TV. Everyone thinks they could do it, but nobody considers what you put yourself through.”

“I… guess…” 

“I know that probably doesn’t settle your worries. And, honestly… I get it. I can say everything I just said, but I get it. Sometimes you just feel so guilty for surviving, and for doing what you did to survive. You wonder why you deserve it over everyone else.”

Kaede nods, teary-eyed. He tries not to pay too much attention to the quivering of her lip and the crinkling of her chin, lest his fussing upset her more. Right now, it seems best to just let her feel as she needs to. Perhaps the best thing he can do for her right now is let her know that her feelings are understood and heard. “Everyone wasn’t perfect, but they were… they were kind at heart, I think. And at the beginning there, I could feel how badly everyone wanted to survive. I could feel…” She sighs, her voice breaking the longer she goes on. “I could feel them. Even when we started losing people, I could still feel them with us. Their spirits never left me. I couldn’t stop thinking about their loved ones… Their families… It didn’t matter if maybe Rantaro didn’t have all those sisters, or if Angie’s island wasn’t really real… There must be people out there who loved them. There always are.”

Ryoma doesn’t answer, just keeps stroking her thumb, knowing that he has her on the right track. He needs to let her speak, to let her share this fear with the world. 

“And sometimes, I just wonder… what did I do to deserve to be here? Do they… do they hate that it was them who died instead of me?”

Her voice lowers to a whisper. 

“Sometimes I do. I don’t feel like I have a right to be here. Not when I could have gotten everyone killed.” 

Ryoma squeezes her hand tightly. “Nobody’s life is more valuable than yours, Kaede. Nobody’s life is more valuable than anybody else’s, you know that. I wasn’t exactly friends with a lot of ‘em, but I know that if they were here, that’s what they would tell you. They know you did the best you could. You never wanted anyone to die.” 

Kaede sniffles. “I just… I wish nobody had to get hurt. I wish they didn’t have to go through it. I wish we’d all been smarter.” 

“We were kids, Kaede. Kids are stupid. Teenagers think they’re invincible until suddenly something happens, and they realize that they’re not. I understand how you feel, I really do, but if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that we can’t let ourselves be bound to our mistakes forever. If we do something bad, and we lose someone, then we owe it to that person to try and be better in the future. And all I’ve seen you do is try and be better for the people you left behind.”

“I wish I could have saved them,” she sobs, “I wish I could have done things differently.” 

“But you couldn’t.” 

She stares at him wide-eyed, blinking at him in disbelief. 

“I couldn’t either. Neither could Gonta. Even Shuichi, in his last moments when he tried to save us from his… his own mistakes, couldn’t save us completely. He could only save the ones who were left. And I know he would regret that it could only be the three of us, but the fact of the matter is, that was the best he could do. He trusted us to keep doing better on behalf of everyone. If he didn’t, he’d have left us to die.”

There is a pregnant pause that stands between them, but for the first time in this whole conversation, Ryoma doesn’t doubt what he’s saying. All of the heart skips of panic and twistings of his belly have melted away now. All he cares about is making sure she knows. She needs to know that she did all that she could, that she did more than enough. 

“All of their hopes are pinned on us, Kaede. That’s why we survived.”

Kaede doesn’t answer, just turns her head down. For a moment, he thinks he’s got her figured out and maybe she’s soothed, but another hiccup reminds him that it isn’t so. At any moment she could burst from his grasp and run off to her room, determined to never speak to him again. He won’t let that happen. There is still more to say, more to do to soothe her. He has to soothe her.

“How can you… say all this, but say you understand…?” 

“Because I learned from someone that sometimes, even if everything is dark, you need to look for the light. I’ve heard a lot of lies in my life, mostly coming from myself, so I learned to find the truths, even if they’re hard. I can’t let the lies rule over me, and I can’t let those demons win.” 

Ryoma slides his hand along the underside of Kaede’s jaw, turning her face towards him gently. It still breaks his heart to see her beautiful eyes gleaming with such sadness. Any tear that falls now will be wiped away by his thumb on her cheek. 

“You taught me that, Kaede.”

She presses her face further into his hand, holding onto his wrist. It doesn’t seem like she has much more to say, so he just lets her rest her cheek against him, stroking it comfortingly. Before long her eyes flutter closed, and he finds himself sitting in wait, listening to the sound of her shaky breaths. What a perfect creature. In spite of all their circumstances, he is glad that he and Kaede were brought together. He just hopes that with moments like these, he can ensure that it is worth her while as well. 

He's not sure how long they sit there, drinking in the comfort of each other’s presence and the ideologies they share, but the quietude is peaceful. Over time, Kaede’s tears begin to dry and her breaths stabilize. Everything most definitely is not okay now, but it’s better, and Ryoma thinks that it is a victory in and of itself. He knows he could never heal her guilt entirely. The best thing he can do is support her as she fights through it, just as she has done for him. He thought he would never love again after losing Mio, but today has more than proven to him that he would do anything for Kaede. So he’ll embrace this quiet, and let her tell him what she needs. 

In the end, the answer ends up being that she needs a surprise appearance from Gonta. 

The apartment had been so quiet that the moment he swings the door open, the two of them jump a little – which, hilariously, also makes Gonta jump. For a moment a flicker of alarm catches in Gonta’s expression, wondering if he caught them in the midst of an intimate moment he wasn’t supposed to see, but it fades when he realizes that the two are just sitting on the couch.

“Gonta!” Kaede exclaims, pushing a smile. It is not symmetrical or perfect, but it’s stronger than any of the other ones that she’s given Ryoma today. That’s another victory, he thinks to himself. “You’re back early.” 

The bug enthusiast nods carefully, placing his bug catching box down on the counter. Ryoma tries not to cringe – he respects Gonta’s affection, but he really doesn’t want bugs where the food goes. “Gonta is sorry to interrupt; Gonta had good luck today, found dung beetle friend much faster than expected.” 

Ugh. Ryoma tries even harder not to cringe. Not just a bug where the food goes, but a bug fascinated by fecal matter. Blegh. “It’s okay,” Ryoma says, trying not to sound strained so Gonta won’t be hurt by his disgust, “We were just…”

He glances to Kaede. It would be easiest to be honest with Gonta about how she’s feeling, but they are her feelings. It is ultimately her call to make. She can say whatever she wants to say, and he’ll support her. 

“Ryoma was comforting me.” She places a hand on Ryoma’s thigh. “I’ve been having… a hard time.” 

“Something is hurting Kaede?” Gonta asks thoughtfully, his brows furrowing.

She nods gently. “Yes. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my memories. I feel guilty over things that happened, when we were in the Killing School Life… I didn’t know how to talk about it. You and Ryoma have both been so open and honest with me about the way it makes you feel, and I… hadn’t been doing it back, and we realized that that was hurting me.”

“Yes, bottling up hurts Kaede. It hurts Gonta, too. Good that Ryoma and Kaede talked.” He pushes a smile. “Can Gonta help?”

He gestures at his bug cage on the counter. 

“Maybe Kaede like to meet dung beetle, learn few fun facts?” 

With one last exchange of gestures, a smile crosses Kaede’s face as well. Then, they both turn back to Kaede. 

“Sure, bring ‘em on over,” Ryoma sighs, finding it within even himself to put on a grin, “And tell us everything you know about him.”

Leave it to Gonta to make sure things stayed perfectly imperfect. A failed date, a poop-loving bug in their home, and a lot of tears… but progress is progress, and Ryoma cannot be prouder that they were able to make it. As Gonta opens up the cage and starts talking about his dung beetle, gently guiding him around the cage with his finger, Ryoma feels Kaede’s head lean on his own. At any other time, it might not mean much of anything other than a sign of affection, but today… Today he thinks it means that he did good.

#look everyone I finished another one! #Koto's 100 Followers Gifts #danganronpa v3 killing harmony #danganronpa v3 #hoshimatsu #kaede akamatsu #ryoma hoshi #gonta gokuhara #danganronpa fanfiction

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

"All I wanted to do... was to have fun at the public pool with my friends." "If that's really it, then...you're a fool, Higurashi... You should have just told us... what you wanted sooner, back then." "If the time comes when I really become a zombie... let's go to the pool together, okay?"

Dedicated to: @apparently-artless

#zom 100 #zom 100: bucket list of the dead #zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto #akira tendo #kanta higurashi #body horror tw #blood tw #my gifs #zom 100 anime spoilers #happy (late) holidays art!! this one is from me to you!! #i wanted to make gifs from this scene because it really moved me #and to match with your gift to me! it's simple but i hope you like it!! #i wanted to tell you that since i watched m.ash.le and reblogged a lot of gifs from mas.hle.verse #it actually motivated me to start making gifs again #i used to be kinda active in gif-making especially for ki.taro series because there are some source blogs who make gifs for it too #but after the series ended and the blogs deactivated i stopped making gifs--that and hardware limitation #seeing art's gifs from m.ash.le series really makes me want to make gifs again now that i have enough time to make some!! #so thank you for all of the motivations!! #regardless whether i follow the series you make gifs of #i always enjoy seeing your gifs in my dashboard!! #hope you have a wonderful holiday and new year!! #idk if you have watched the last episode or not but i've tagged with spoilers just in case you haven't watched it so you can avoid it!! #sorry if i'm accidentally spoiling you from my recent zom 100 gifsets ><

[seoafin]

i just noticed, that when i compared kaikai kitan’s lyrics from those lyrics channel/ websites with eng translations & from jpnese websites, the kanjis aren’t the same, that’s why it seems um, “choppy” so i decided to try translate the ones from jpnese website (it seems more reliable LMAO, i’ll add the links for the comparison [if u want to] in the end) AND IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG ASKS

(before i start, i still have a rly long way to go with this language so i’m so sry if there’s any mistranslations 🙇‍♀️)

[note: literal meaning = with → ; idiomatic/ my (shitty) personal take = with ⇒]

有象無象 人の成り(uzo-muzou, hito no nari) = small fry, what (or how) a man is composed of

虚勢 心象 人外 物の怪みたいだ (kyosei, shinshou, jingai, mononoke mitaida) = fictitious, an image, a monster, it's like a demon spirit/ ghost

→ small fry, a man is composed of fictitiousness & an imagination : it's like a monster or a demon spirit/ ghost.

⇒ humanity is just like a mixture of small fries. ppl are usually trying to show their goodness, but it's superficial (“humans are built from lies. there’s always an underside to the emotions and actions shown on the surface. but negative emotions...like hatred and murderous intent never lie.” - jogo). they’re not the human being, but like monsters/ the fake one. [cursed spirits’ pov?]

虚心坦懐 命宿し(kyoshin-tankai, inochi yadoshi) = feeling calm, new life springs

あとは ぱっぱらぱな 中身なき人間 (ato wa pappara pa na nakami-naki ningen) = at the last a foolish, empty man is left

→ calm spirits were gifted lives. what left is the foolish & empty (hu)man.

⇒ and now, the nature, which people fear, were gifted lives as the cursed spirits. they’re the genuine "humanity." except for them, the rest are just the assemblage of foolish & hollow people. [from the stand point of cursed spirits]

寄せる期待 不平等な人生 (yoseru kitai, fubyoudou na jinsei) = with an anticipation/ expectation, with an unfair life

才能もない, 大乗非日常が (saino mo nai, daijo hinichijo ga) = without talent, the days out-of-ordinary that i arrived in to save the people

→ my life was an unfair and inept one, and i just lived with some anticipation. now, i’ve arrived in the days out-of ordinary to save the people.

⇒ though he expected how his life would treats him, all he can see are the unfair deaths of the ppl. yuuji, a boy without any talent (no cursed technique/ a capacity for jujutsu), has gotten involved in the days out-of ordinary to save others.

⇒ geto told himself that protecting ppl is his job, & struggled for their peace. but, the constant unfair deaths of his allies even though the weak they’re trying to save are foolish is the truth. the days out-of ordinary suddenly comes to the ordinary, non-talented people (the village ig)

怨親平等に 没個性 (onshin-byodou, ni botsu-kosei) = treating equally both my foes and friends, and with no personality stands out

辿る記憶 僕に居場所などないから(tadoru kioku, boku ni ibasho nadonaikara) = pursuing my memory for my existence, nowhere is left

→ i rmbr that i treated ppl equally even the ppl who had no personality that stands out (might be a continuation of the prev line), but i have nowhere to go now.

⇒ once, geto treated ppl, both shamans & non-shamans equally, but the latter didn't have any personality stand out in themselves bc of their ignorance; besides, [sometimes] they show their hostility to them (how the twins are treated in the countryside). after eliminating them, he remembers the days with his friends, but there’s nowhere to go [stsg confrontation ig]

夢の狭間で 泣いてないで (yume no hazama de naitenaide) = don’t cry (like that) in the gap between the dreams

どんな顔すればいいか わかってる(don-na kaosureba iika, wakatteru) = how to express my feeling on my face is that, i know/ understand

だけど まだ応えてくれよ(dakedo mada, kotaete kureyo) = but answer me for a while longer

→ i know (/understand) how i should express my feeling, but answer me for a while longer.

闇を祓って, 闇を祓って(yami wo haratte (2x)) = purify the darkness (2x)

夜の帳が下りたら 合図だ (yoru no tobari ga oritara aizu da) = when the curtain of the night has been lowered, it's the signal

→ shamans exorcise cursed spirits within a curtain (tobari)

相対して 廻る環状戦 (aitai-shite, mawaru kanjo-sen) = in opposite (/on the other hand), unending/endless battles go around

戯言などは 吐き捨ていけと(zaregoto nado wa hakisute ike to) = for words like nonsense, i was told to spit out them and go

→ they (?) told me to spit out such nonsense like words, and just go ahead.

まだ止めないで まだ止めないで(mada tomenaide (2x)) = don't let it stop for now (2x)

→ don’t let me stop for now (2x)

誰よりも 聡く在る 街に生まれしこの正体を(dareyorimo satoku aru machi ni umareshi kono sho-tai wo) = the presense being the smartest for the identity born in this town/ this identity of the creature born in this town exists as the smartest one.

今は ただ呪い呪われた僕の未来を創造して(imawa tada, noroi-norowareta boku no mirai wo, sozou shite) = for now, just create my future that was cursed /it creates my cursed future

⇒ itadori’s life was flipped upside down after eating the finger and turned to a vessel, but he continues on anyways to see the cursed future

走って転んで 消えない痛み抱いては(hashitte koronde, kienai itami daite wa) = run and slip, and with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me

→ i’ll keep running though sometimes i slipped, along with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me.

⇒ on the way, yuuji’s been through some tragedies and he’ll encounter much more. even so, he’s going to embrace the pain that won’t ever fade away (maybe abt junpei..?) [1]

世界が待ってる この一瞬を(sekai ga matteru, kono isshun wo) = the world is waiting for this moment

抒情的感情が 揺らいでいくバグ(jojouteki-kanjou ga yuraideiku, bug) = emotions are changing their forms with a bug

→ the BUG causes my emotions to change gradually.

(tbh i’m still confused on how to translate this)

↳ 揺ら yura = waver/ unstable ; 抒情 jojou = description of one’s feeling

従順に従った欠陥の罰 (jyu-jyun ni shitagatta kekkan no batsu) = the punishment of the defective who followed obediently

⇒ it’s a punishment, geto, as a defective carried bc of following it (a person, ig??¿)

死守選択しかない 愛に 無常気 (shishu-sentaku shikanai ai ni, mujo-ki) = the choice left is to protect it at any cost, love and the heart that feels everything dies/ change easily

↳ or, impermance in love, there’s no choice but to protect it until the very end(/ at any cost) with a heart that feels everything change/ dies easily

声も出せないまま (koe mo dasenai mama) = my voice hasn't been able to be raised/ without being able to raise my voice

傀儡な誓いの無き 百鬼夜行 (kugutsu na, chikai no naki, hyakki-yako) = without any vow that were empty like a puppet, hyakki yako (the night parade of the 100 demons)

→without any vow, geto caused the hyakki yako. it’s like he’s just a marionette, being empty (maybe it’s implying that 🧠 is controlling it rn)

数珠繋ぎなこの果てまでも (juzu-tsunagi na kono hate mademo) = even to the end where everything (every event in this world) is linked together

⇒ even after gojo killed him

極楽往生 現実蹴って 凪いで(gokuraku oujo, genjitsu kette, naide) = rest in peace, kick the reality, and calm down

→ rest in peace? it doesn't exist in the reality, so i kicked it, and then calmed down

⇒ geto can’t even have a peaceful death, he wants to kick (read : strangle) the reality which has his body in a shaman’s control

命を投げ出さないで (inochi wo nagedasanaide) = don't throw your life away

内の脆さに浸って(uchino morosa ni hitatte) = bask in the fragility of one's heart

→ don’t throw your life away without basking in the fragility of your heart

どんな顔すればいいか　わかんないよ (don-na kao sureba iika wakan-naiyo) = i don’t know how i should express my feeling (with my face)

今はただ応えてくれよ(imawa tada kotaete kureyo) = but just answer me for now

→ i don't know how i should express my feeling, but answer me just now

五常を解いて 五常を解いて(gojo wo toite (2x)) = disentangle gojo [confucianism] (2x)

→ disentangle the thought of gojo (2x)

⇒rescue gojou (from the prison realm) [explanation at the end]

不確かな声を紡ぐイデア(futashika na koe wo tsumugu idea) = the idea deliberates the unclear voices (that’s hard to hear)

相殺して 廻る感情線 (sousai shite, mawaru kanjousen) = countervail something, and the continuous emotion going around (/ looping/ revolving)

→ my continuous emotion is going around in my mind with (sth ?¿) countervailing it [i actually wanna go w neutralize it but it seems off]

その先に今 立ち上がる手を(sonosaki ni ima, tachiagaru te wo) = on the road ahead, now give me the hand to raise myself up

→ give me ur hand to raise myself up to see my future (yuuji’s pov(?)?))

ただ追いかけて ただ追いかけて(tada oikakete (2x)) = just by following / u just kept following them (?) [2x]

⇒ yuuji following in gojo’s path (taking the line after this into acct)

誰よりも強く在りたいと願う 君の運命���ら (dare yorimo tsuyoku aritai to negau kimi no unmei sura) = even the fate of yours despite of your desire that being stronger than anyone else

→ even the fate of yours despite of the desire that being stronger than anyone else,

⇒ most likey yuuji, and his line, “i want to become strong. please teach me to be ‘the strongest’”

今はただ ほの暗い夜の底に (ima wa tada, honogurai yoru no soko ni) = just only for now, at the bottom of the gloomy (/dim) night

深く深く落ちこんで(fukaku fukaku ochikonde) = deeply, much more deeply (it) falls

→ it has only fallen to the bottom of the gloomy night deeply, much more deeply for now.

⇒ (+ the continuation from the previous line) this may implied shibuya (?), only more than 4 hours passed for the whole arc after all and yuuji witnessing what happened to nanami and nobara in front of his eyes [2]

不格好に見えたかい (bukakko ni mietakai) = seems (seemed) uncool?

これが今の僕なんだ (korega imano bokunanda) = this is what i am, how my present being

→ this is what i am, what i can be now

何者にもなれないだけの屍だ 嗤えよ(nanimono nimo, narenai dakeno, shikabaneda waraeyo) = i'm just only a dead that can't be anything, anyone, you can ridicule me (for it)

→ you can ridicule me. i'm just only a dead that can't be anything, anyone.

⇒ geto (?) and his wild goose chase (?) but now he’s dead and someone is using his body

↳ 屍 = can also be corpse

目の前の全てから 逃げることさえやめた(menomae no subetekara, nigeru koto sae yameta) = everything in front of me, i’ve quit running away from/ i’ve quit running away from all the things surround (/in front of) me

イメージを繰り返し 想像の先をいけと (image wo kurikaeshi, so-zo no saki wo ike to) = keep drawing inspiration, and go over the (/ ur) imagination

⇒ (+ continuation from the last line) this one may refer to yuuji’s strong will or megumi in jjk 58 “with a firm base, skill, and imagination...a person can change to the slightest of events”

闇を祓って 闇を祓って (yami wo haratte (2x)) = purify the darkness (2x)

夜の帳が下りたら合図だ (yoruno tobari ga oritara aizu da) = when the curtain of the night has been lowered, it's the signal

相対して 廻る環状戦 (sou-sai shite, mawaru kan-jyo-sen) = in opposite (/on the other hand), unending/endless battles go around

戯言などは 吐き捨ていけと(zaregoto nado wa, hakisute ike to) = for words like nonsense, i was told to spit out them and go

→ they told me to spit out such nonsense like words, and just go ahead.

まだ止めないで まだ止めないで(mada tomenaide (2x)) = don't let it stop for now (2x)

→ don't let it (/me) stop for now (2x)

誰よりも 聡く在る 街に生まれしこの正体を(dareyorimo satoku aru machi ni umareshi kono sho-tai wo) = the presense being the smartest for the identity born in this town

→ this identity of the creature born in this town exists as the smartest one.

今は ただ呪い呪われた僕の未来を創造して(imawa tada, noroi-norowareta boku no mirai wo, sozou shite) = for now, just create my future that was cursed /it creates my cursed future

走って転んで 消えない痛み抱いては(hashitte koronde, kienai itami daite wa) = run and slip, with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me

→ i’ll keep running though sometimes i slipped, along with embracing the pain that doesn't leave me.

世界が待ってる この一瞬を(sekai ga matteru, kono isshun wo) = the world is waiting for this moment

a) a proverb :

虚心坦懐 (kyoshin-tankai) = literally : empty// void; heart// mind// spirit; level// wide; pocket; heart

↳ the feeling "calm" or "relaxed" / the generosity without any prejudice/ with an open and calm mind, with no preconceived notions, without reserve, frank, candid

↳ 虚心 = a lack of prejudice/ preconception; 坦懐 = inner peace

↳"虚心坦懐 (が) 命 (を) 宿す" = "the feeling calm was gifted a life/ a new life springs." would be the meaning. it may describe the origin of the cursed spirits that may come from humans’ defilements / klesas or fear of natural disaster

a) 6 buddhist terms :

1) 有象無象 (uzo-muzo)

↳ literally : exist-shape-nothing-shape

it can be the mob/ masses. it’s a combination of the buddhist phrase : all things; things with physical forms and things without physical forms; material/ immaterial , visible/ invisible to denote the entirety of existence. by extension, “a large number of unexceptional people; the unwashed masses”; a term used to belittle mob behavior or “the common folk.” it’s probs humans from the cursed spirits’ perspective/  jogo’s “true humans” talk

2) 大乗 (daijo) = "the great vehicle" this word came from, "大乗仏教 (daijo-bukkyo)" = mahayana sect/ doctrine. mahayana emphasizes altruistic practice—called the bodhisattva practice—as a means to attain enlightenment for oneself and help others attain it as well [aka gojo who attained “enlightment” but stays in the figurative endless cycle of life and death, the college]

3) 怨親平等 (onshin byo do) = the attitude to treat friend and foe equally/ one’s foe and friend is equal/ hate and affection is equal

↳ the word byodo is connected with (平等王 byodo-o) = king impartial judge/ 10 kings (judges) of the underworld [this one is based from chinese taoism] and one of them is yama (sukuna’s mudra) who judges the dead on the 35th day    [3]

4 無常気 (mujo ki) = the heart that feels everything is fragile/ impermanence of the world, usually changing easily (it came from a chinese translation of a buddist scripture)

↳ 無常 = impermanence (nature of life)

↳ 気 = mind

5 数珠 (jyuzu) = the item to count the times of chanting the sutras, which form is the same to the bracelet strung with beads. the number of beads of the bracelet is 108 which signifies klesas/ curses + 4 smaller beads signifying the great 4 bodhisattvas, and the usage is similar to a rosary.

6 極楽往生 (gokuraku oujo) : "極楽" & "往生," has its own meaning each:

↳ 極楽: perfect bliss; the pure land of amitabha’s buddha (in buddhism pure land sect/ doctrine)

↳ 往生: death; dying a happy death.

↳ it’d be easier if we make "極楽往生" ⇾ "being born in the pure land after life/ rebirth in paradise (the word is a reference to the pure land section doctrine of amitabha buddha’s paradise/ pure land)

personally, i’ll go with “a peaceful death/ getting a rest in peace” (bc of the promise of reciting amitabha’s name would be born in the pure land, free from the samsaric cycle so they can focuse on attaining nirvana thing). the word “極楽往生” sort of reminds me of yuuji’s & his wish to give ppl a “just death” even though that his “just death” isn’t properly defined in the manga (yet), maybe....it stemmed from his grandfather’s seemingly “peaceful death” even though he wasn’t surrounded by ppl? (hahaha 😃🔫)

c) 3 puns :

↳ kanjo-sen : (環状戦[loop line/ transportation belt line]& 感情線 [emotion])

but the kanjo-sen used in the lyrics is "環状線", the sound might be a metaphor of it which means "loop line"

↳ so-zo: 創造 (creation)/ 想像 (imagination)

↳ warau: 嗤う ([to be] ridicule(d)/ laugh at) /  笑う (laugh)

d) double meaning phrases

1)五常 (gojo) = i’ll quote the wiki definition ⇾ confucianism or ruism, which is "the 5 moralities/ virtues (benevolence [仁 jin], justice & truth [義 gi], courtesy [礼 rei] , wisdom [智 chi], and trust/ faith [信 shin])” of what the mankind should keep," taught by confucius who is one of the philosophers of china.

"五常" also relates to buddhism : it’s the 5 precepts/ commandments ⇾ not to kill, not to steal, not to engage in sexual misconduct (the earliest scripts only said abt adultery), not to lie (including gossip), not to consume intoxicants (actually this one is still up for debate, whether u can drink or sth else but not till u lose ur inhibitions bc u have to keep ur mind clear and all or just completely abstain from it)

2)解く (toku) ⇾ a verb which means solve/ liberate (break free)/ disentangle

↳usually, in jpnese, ppl use "説く (teach with speech)" as a verb rather than "解く" for thoughts including "五常." the kanji must have been changed intentionally

↳ hence : rescue/ free gojo

btw, in this song there’s 3 variation of kanjis for the word loop/ circle, which might be the theme all along = 廻, 環, 数珠. and the lines incorporated in the song seem to be written to make them matched for the story continues + the song itself is a perfect loop if u take the beginning and ending of the mv where yuuji woke up from his sleep and fell asleep at the end

extra = if u noticed this sentence : どんな顔すればいいか わかってる

(don-na kaosureba iika, wakatteru) = how to express my feeling on my face is that, i know/ understand

だけど まだ応えてくれよ(dakedo mada, kotaete kureyo) = but answer me for a while longer

change into this :

どんな顔すればいいか わかんないよ (donna kao sureba iika wakan-naiyo) = how to express my feeling on my face? i don’t know/ understand

今はただ応えてくれよ(imawa tada kotaete kureyo) = but just answer me for now

→ I don't know how I should express my feeling, but answer me just now.

the transition of hope to despair/ hopeless?

and "凪いで" (naide) might just rhyming with "投げ出さないで" (nagedasanaide.)

i was genuinely surprised that those anime songs (op-ed) lyric channel translated this 1-3 weeks after when usually they get others out within 3-5 days, but when i see the kanjis.....understandable 😁 (bc if u give me this without any romaji i’ll probably just try until eventually i give up)

PSA AGAIN : i’m not gonna say this is the “right” translation bc i still have a long way to go with the language and this “translation” came from someone who learned jpnese just bc i got tired of switching back and forth between google translate and fanart/ fics, i have no idea what it said and it just looked interesting 😭 - 🐱

i forgot to give the links 🧍

the jpnese websites : a, b, c

eng : a

and the others are from utube just search “kaikai kitan lyrics” - 🐱

ok after you sent me this last night i totally didn’t cry myself to sleep listening to the song

what is the POINT in alluding to the suffering of the shibuya arc when anime only watchers are not going to have any idea of pain that awaits them i....they’re sadists....😭😁😭

#the meaning in the lyrics....PAIN #bc c'mon....it's probably going to be yuji as much as i HATE IT #this song is a bop and y'all might kill me but i like it better than the first ending LOL #i just want him to be happy #anyway if anyone sees me using to help me study japanese no u don't #thank u 🐱 anon i actually rlly like reading different translations by different people and the way they translate it #🐱 anon #long post

[icedfairy]

Touhou Chocolates 5

Wakasagihime - Chocolate and Pearls

Chocolate made in clamshell molds, and garnished with precious gems.  Mostly pearls, but there's a few garnets and moonstones as well.  It's probably worth more than a house, but it's delivered with a bright simple smile.

The chocolate's kinda mediocre, but given the maker doesn't work with fire often it's to be expected

Sekibanki - Crimson Wrapped Bonbons

They're store bought.  Don't think too much about them.

Which store?  No one knows.  The mix of dark chocolate and raspberry is something unique.  There also was a stream of blushing heads following her recipient along for about an hour.

Still she insists it's duty chocolate.

Kagerou - Waterproof Chocolates

The chocolates are simple handmade things, but she worked with a magician to make them 100% waterproof.  She's worried that might affect the taste, but in the end it's the only way to protect them from melting.

Now she can offer something that her love can enjoy even when they're apart.

Benben - Chocolate Note Bonbons

Made following a famous recipe, these note shaped chocolates pack a big punch.  All sorts of fruity liquors are hidden within.  While she admits she just copied someone else's work, she still put in a lot of effort, and the results show.  Along with her feelings.

Yatsuhashi - A Song For Love

A simple set of chocolates, along with a koto performance.  Her chocolate and singing are both rough, but her koto skill is masterful.

She might have chosen this because she feels she can't compete with her 'sister.'  But this is something only Yatsuhashi can offer.

Seija - Verbal Abuse

She's been passing out chunks of baking chocolate to people all over the village, but to the person first in her heart she has nothing.  Just a sneer and a few insults.

This is the way of the akumajou.  To love is to hate.  Of course since everyone else now owes her white day gifts perhaps this is her way of showing her affection.

Shinmyoumaru - Chocolate Inchling

A chocolate statue of herself made with the miracle mallet.  It's life sized, at least before she made herself bigger.  And of course it has a very dynamic pose.

It's a solid chocolate block, so it'll need to be cut apart.  It might be a little weird eating a chocolate replica of someone, but she seems to think it's a great idea.

Raiko - Thunder Crunch

Milk chocolate with rice crisps inside for a solid crunch.  Each is a percussive symphony of sweetness.  And of course she has the name of each of her recipients in red icing on the hearts.  The chocolates are great, but Raiko's charisma makes them even sweeter.

And there's two extra large hearts for two very special girls.

(Previous)

#touhou #chocolate fics

[sweetsushiminnow]

My Favs V-Day Headcanons

So I said I’ll do some V-Day headcanons with my favorite characters, (This is not the follower participation one) I love the majority of the YYH cast, but I’m only going to do my absolute favorites on here, and on a different post, I’ll do others that deserve love/I’d find interesting to do headcanons on. I’m gonna do a read more because of how long this post most likely will be, not because of content. I’m going to keep these SFW because I’m in the mood for cotton candy not ghost pepper lol.

Lets start off with my absolute favorite YYH character

Hiei - This prick doesn’t know or care about holidays, even when the gang drags him into it. - Tell him a ahead of time of any plans, or at least the date of the damn holiday if you ever want to surprised by him at all. If he’s not informed, he’s not going to at least attempt to make you happy. That’s how much he doesn’t care about holidays. - If you make plans with these shrimp cocktail, keep the date low key. No fancy places with dim lighting. Hiei’s more down with staying at home or going to some easy food. If you do a at home dinner date, do nothing fancy, it’s give him anxiety and he’ll just act more like an asshole to cover up the fact he feel out of place. - If he truly loves you, he’ll surprise you with a small gift of chocolates he stole or got Kurama to buy. - Depending on how close you are/plans made, Hiei will either leave after food or “just sit on the couch together” while watching a non valentine day movie. Watch whatever he thinks is interesting, he’ll pick a boring ass movie and you’ll either be graced with relaxing yourself on him or even better, him relaxing on you! - Hiei enjoys low-key shit, and doesn’t really conform to the traditional sense of V-Day. All this boy wants is a nice meal and a place to relax. - Hiei wouldn’t do any of this if he wasn’t into you. If you guys were dating in his eyes, he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. - I’m gonna give Hiei salmon colored roses and watch Kurama chuckle to himself as Hiei bitches at Kurama as to why it’s so funny.

Kurama - This boy is as flexible as his partner. Personally Kurama would enjoy a simple date, but if their s/o wishes to go out and have dinner, he’s okay with it too. - He will be a butt and will try to pay for everything. Which is one reason why he’s like those at home dates. - Unlike Hiei, he won’t steal his gift, but like Hiei, will have already paid for it in advance. - Also unlike Hiei, he won’t need to be told about the special day, and in fact, he probably had made over 100 kind of plans and narrowed it down to 3 options before you could even remember. - Regardless on what you do, he wants it to feel personal and comfortable. - His gifts are always more personal to his s/o. They wanted these sunglasses they were saving up for? Guess what, Happy V-day. You love the stars, oh wait until dinner, I’ll bring you to your present. - So he won’t always do roses and chocolates unless he’s dating me cus I’d be all in for that shit. - If the dates goes well, expect some post-dinner cuddles at his place. He might even be willy to get a bit foxy -wink* - Obviously Kurama wouldn’t do any of this if you two were a established couple. He doesn’t do random dates for V-Day. He’d be at home reading a book or doing something else falsely productive.

Shishiwakamaru - Inform this creature on the holiday so he’s not getting false information and ends up giving you a still beating human heart. - Finds the holiday pointless but to his benefit, depends on his relationship status and if he wants to change that lol. - He’ll do the typical dinner date because it’s the only thing he’s informed on lol. -With some random person/demon we was interested in, if he’s into you, he’ll act like his Dark Tournament self. Talkative but arrogant sounding. If he’s not into you, he’s his Demon Tournament self. Recluse and silence. Thankfully he’s polite to the wait staff. - If he’s already dating/smitten with you. He’s present in the date. He’s engaged in conversation, trying to kiss your hand across the table. He’s a bit pompous with his compliments. “Well, of course I had to pick the best place I could find. This is for us after all.” But that arrogance isn’t toward you, it’s for you. - So if you’re a random date, he might give you a rose is he’s interested in you. - If you’re an established couple, he’s going to go the nine yards of cliches with you: Roses, chocolates, chocolate covered strawberries, giant teddy bear holding a red heart that saids “be mine” - Probably will expect sex if he was just informed on what V-Day is. Say no and watch his confusion evolve. “Wait . . . isn’t that how it works? Wait, not always? No one told me it doesn’t work that way.” No he’s not being a fuck boy about it, he’s just, that confuses on human holidays lol. Lemme smash, please. -If it’s not his first rodeo with an established partner, he won’t be blind-sided if you decide not to fuck. “That’s fine, we don’t need some day to tell us when we should entwine together.”  - The longer of a couple you are, the more elaborate and/or special his gifts become. - Also he can’t keep his hands off you, or mouth or any of himself really. He gives the best massages though. - I wouldn’t be surprised if this fucker got you diamonds for V-Day. - Shishi won’t put v-day effort if he’s not into you. If you’re dating this demon and he doesn’t make any effort, be insulted, his actions stated “you’re not worth this pointless holiday” Thankfully, Shishi isn’t the type of demon to stay with someone he’s not into/he falls out of love with.  

Koto - This hostess with the mostest actually likes Valentines day. - She’d be the one to give her closet friends a little something because she’s celebrating love itself, not just romantic love. - Doesn’t really go on dates due to her popularity. If you happen to be dating this cutie tho, she prefers at home dates. - Yes, set up the table with candles and beautiful flowers, doesn’t have to be human roses, as long as the setting and atmosphere is beautiful. - Koto likes brutality, but keep it at work. She doesn’t want that blood and violence bleeding into her romantic endeavors. - Is the cuddliest thing you’ve ever dated. Which is another reason why she prefers private, at home dates. You can cuddle with another as soon as you can. - With the cuddles comes the affection. Kisses, neck nuzzles, lightly scratching your neck and back. She’s way more into that physical contact than actual sex. - Exchanging gifts is a must, if your gift was the meal, perfectly fine by her. She’ll still give you your favorite treat, or that small item you want/needed but could never get. - Also she’ll dress up in that outfit you like so much on her. You know the one. - Whether sex happens or not, you two are both in bed together. If she could, she’d fuse with you. - If Koto isn’t any of these things during Valentine’s day, well, then she ain’t into you, but unlike Shishi, she has a much harder, more emotional time letting go. So she’ll still do the date, the gift will be typical, and that outfit she’s wearing, might not be your favorite.

Keiko - If she’s not into you and you ask her out on a date, she’s gonna say no, she’s busy, or that she already has one, regardless on whether she truly did or not. - She doesn’t mind the holiday, but thinks it’s over-rated. She’s not going to hold her own self worth on whether she’s desired by others. If she has plans for that day, about that day, cool. If not, that’s cool too. - Prefers simpler gifts and treats. - Also prefers simpler dates. - She’d be happy having her V-Day date at a cafe or an affordable restaurant. - Doesn’t mind splitting the bill, after all, it’s a date with the two of you, unless you specifically stated you’ll take care of it, she’s not going to mind pitching in. - She’d dress for the part too. Nothing too sexy but also she’d show a big of leg. - After the date she’d enjoy a walk through the park or a stroll on the beach, depending on where the area is. - Keiko is a hand holder watch out.  - She’s also wants to cuddle if you two are an established couple. - She’ll also give you something too, like homemade chocolates and a small item you wanted but forgot you did lol. - The idea of being sexual physical isn’t off the table if things go well. - Either way she’ll give you a V-Day massage, even if she’s not the best at them in both quality and time.

#yyh #yu yu hakusho #hiei #kurama #shishiwakamaru #koto #keioko yukimura #hradcanons #sfw

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[danganronpa-21]

For the dialogue prompts, B19 of the last one you reblogged with naegami? And if you'd be willing to do it, would you add tokomaru into that as well?

Rating: Teen & Up Audiences

General Warnings: Alcohol Consumption

Fandoms: Danganronpa Series

Relationships: Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Naegi Komaru/Fukawa Toko (background)

Additional Tags: Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drunkenness, Byakuya Being Tsundere

Chapter Word Count: 3,317 words

Chapter Summary: Once upon a time, a drunken Makoto Naegi at a party sounded like the worst thing in the world to Byakuya Togami. Now, he's more than grateful to be the person who gets to take him home at the end of the night and tuck him in bed, knowing that such a precious thing is safe from all the harm in this world... Not that he'd ever admit it out loud.

[Read it on AO3.]

For all the times that Byakuya thought himself to be a master of logic and decision-making, there were times like these, where the universe could do nothing but cheerfully and dramatically humble him. Times where he would truly be challenged, his wits put to the test, his resolve trembling as he tried to face the issue at hand… 

If these were the times that were truly meant to test him, though, he sort of wished that it could be over more than his boyfriend, said boyfriend’s sister, and his annoying shrew all being blackout drunk together after a double date gone wrong.

“Bya-ku-yaaaaaa!” Makoto slurs in a sing-song voice, one arm wrapped around his little sister, the other nearly sloshing sake over the side of his cup. “Are you coming back to plaaaaaay some more?”

How the three of them are even still playing is beyond him. Toko and Komaru both passed a safe amount of drunk an hour ago, and Makoto was teetering awfully close to that edge himself. At the beginning of their evening, Byakuya had thought that the last thing he wanted to do was go on a double date with Toko and Komaru of all people, but now, it’s looking more like “cleaning up vomit” might be the least desirable option for the night. Ugh. He misses the days when he had Pennyworth to handle things that unsightly. The post-Tragedy world remains a dark, dark place. 

“I’d rather not,” he scoffs from behind his book, unwilling to lift his gaze to lock eyes with Makoto. One glance up and he knows his idiot boyfriend will give him the most powerful set of puppy dog eyes to contend with, and though Byakuya is strong enough to occasionally pretend that he’s better than that, he’s really not. That man could make him fall apart, and he knows, because it’s happened before. It’s why they’re even dating, after all. “In fact, it’s time the three of you cut it out. At this point you won’t get any more inebriated, you’ll just succeed at poisoning your livers.” 

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Togami-kun!” Komaru fires back, “It’s only one night, it’s not like we’re totally killing ourselves! You could stand to have a little fun with us.” 

Byakuya can do nothing but shake his head. “I assure you, after what the three of you put me through today, I have experienced more than enough of your definition of ‘fun’, and suffice to say I’m not interested. But please, let me know when you are prepared to stop acting like a child.” 

As if to punctuate his point, Komaru sticks her tongue out in retort. “They wouldn’t give sake to a little kid, thank you very much!”

He rolls his eyes. “As always, Naegi-chan, you are the pinnacle of immaturity.” 

She is sure to whine about that, prodding Makoto and Toko to ask if they’re okay with letting him talk to her like that, but the two of them are far too drunk and out of it to even try to protest. Toko is laying on her back on the floor, murmuring something about the world spinning every time she so much as sits up. Her glasses are so askew that he can’t even figure out how they’re still resting on her face, and her eyes are practically rolling into the back of her head. If he hadn’t seen her drunk before, he might have worried that she was dying. Thankfully, a couple of nights at Future Foundation had more than prepared him for the reality of a drunk Toko Fukawa. 

Makoto, on the other hand, is still under the impression that he is “just buzzed”, while actively looking like he is high as a kite. His cheeks and nose are dusted a heavy rouge, and his eyes are half-lidded. Even his hair is slightly askew, the usual fluffy, ruffled mess managing to be even more so. The most apt description in modern slang would be that he looks like a dork, but Byakuya is not fond of incorporating such words into his lexicon. It just amazes him how his boyfriend can still manage to be cute when he is also being impossibly annoying. 

“You’re no fun at allllllll,” Komaru drawls, shaking her head, “At least Toko n’ Makoto can have fun. You just sit there all stuffy.” 

Byakuya lets out a snort of derision, rolling his eyes. “It is called having dignity.” 

“It’s called being a party pooper.”

Hmph. Though he knows how deeply Makoto loves his sister, he has definitely begun to sympathize with all of the times he has described her as annoying. He was never close with his most of his own sisters, bar Shinobu, but he never thought of them as this frustrating. Komaru was a different breed – although admittedly Byakuya would still protect her if he had to. But only out of love for Makoto, and definitely not because her goofy, friendly nature had endeared her to him… and definitely not because this was the first time he’d seen Toko look genuinely happy. Nothing of the sort. 

“Well, sometimes one must… defecate on the parade. I am perfectly happy to be that person.” Byakuya turns to Makoto, staring at him expectantly. “And tonight, I must. It is late and all of you are too drunk to function. I am ending the game.”

A chorus of complaints sounds from their side of the room, like one collective cacophonous whine. Komaru throws herself back in her chair dramatically, Makoto pouts, and Toko flails helplessly like a fish. If they are trying to convince him that they are not that drunk and can stay up to play more of this ridiculous card game, they are failing miserably. They are also failing at proving that they have any semblance of maturity… although he supposes that is neither here nor there. He didn’t exactly expect much from them as it was.

Byakuya makes his way to Makoto in spite of their protests, holding out a hand for him to take. The smaller man looks at for a minute, as if to consider whether he wants to go with him, but in the end they both know that he will. In situations like these, Byakuya often has Makoto’s best interest in mind. Though he can play up his snobbery, when push comes to shove, Byakuya will be there to back him up. Through their years of working together, that’s something Makoto learned… and, admittedly, something that endeared Makoto to him. When they first met, he would never have thought of him as someone reliable. And now he’s staring at his hand, trying to let his loopy brain process that is perfectly okay to take it. With a soft smile, Makoto rests his hand on top of Byakuya’s, seemingly ready to go home. Now that’s something that Byakuya likes about Makoto – the ability to admit when he has probably had enough in a particular situation. Toko and Komaru could stand to learn from that, he thinks. 

“Awww, c’mon, don’t go!” Komaru whines, her last-ditch attempt to keep the party going. “We’re in the middle of a game!”

Makoto laughs as Byakuya helps him to his feet. Byakuya can’t help but notice how he wobbles once he gets there. He leans in closer, so Makoto know it is okay to sway toward him if needed. 

“You’re only complaining because you were going to win.” He reaches over to ruffle his sister’s hair. With this drunken movements, she dodges him with ease. “I’ll come over and we can all play again next time, okay?” 

Komaru heaves a big dramatic sigh shaking her head,, but ultimately smiles. “Oh, alright. I suppose I can’t deny you and Byakuya your cuddle time,” she turns to look over at her own partner, still laying on the floor like a sack of potatoes. “I know I’m always disappointed when I miss out with Toki.” 

Toko lets out some happy gurgle from the floor that Byakuya can’t decipher. Though he doesn’t appreciate Komaru’s teasing, he will take any opportunity to get out of there. Makoto is hammered and he is exhausted from socializing all evening, and that is enough of a reason for him. So if she wants to gush to them about both couples needing their snuggle time, well, so be it. 

That being said, though, she should not count on him dignifying her annoyances with a response. He simply nudges Makoto along towards the door, more than ready to depart. Their limo driver should already be waiting for them. All they need to do is step in and enjoy the ride home. 

“Thanks again for having us, Komaru,” Makoto says cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Byakuya is actively leading him out of the room, “We’ll have to pick up that game again next time.” 

She nods enthusiastically. “For sure! Text me when you guys get home safe, alright?”

“Will do. Take care!”

“You too!” 

Ugh, the commoners and their pleasantries. And they have the audacity to call men of his caliber “stuffy”. Keeping his hand on the small of Makoto’s back, he ushers him out the door and down the hall, careful to tune his attention into any stumbling or hesitations. Whether or not Makoto is elegant on his feet is debatable even on a good day, so his boyfriend knows to stay close. Thankfully, he seems grateful for the help, leaning into him so easily it’s like Byakuya is an extension of himself. How strange it is to think that the two of them once were not this close. Once upon a time, Makoto was nothing more than an obstacle in a killing game… and Byakuya, nothing more than a ticking time bomb that would surely decimate everything in Makoto’s path. And even with that history, for the two of them to end up here… it surprised Byakuya every day. He would never understand exactly how they both got so lucky, but Makoto has assured him time and time again that there is no need to question it. No matter what happened in the past, they have each other now. That is what matters most. 

Still, it’s all he can think about as he guides Makoto down the hall, through the stairwell, and into the car. This moment would have been torture for both of them a short while ago, but now, Makoto is the only person Byakuya would want to care for drunk. He can’t find within himself to mind how Makoto nuzzles his face into Byakuya’s shoulder on the ride home. Those olive green eyes of his are so dazed and dreamy that all he can think about is getting his partner home safe and happy. After all, how could he manage to be so beautiful even while intoxicated? It simply isn’t fair. 

“Thanks for coming to Komaru’s with me,” Makoto purrs, taking one of Byakuya’s hands into his own and squeezing, “I know you’re not big on that kind of thing, but I think she appreciated that we were there.” 

Byakuya grunts in acknowledgement. For him, it’s as good as “you’re welcome”. He’s never been one for the mushy talk – he’d never be able to bring himself to say any of the things that he’s thinking. 

I know you only get so much time with your sister. I know you would like to make up for lost time. I might want to do the same with mine, if I could. It almost comforts me, in a way, to see you have a sister. I want you to have things that make you happy. Seeing you happy is all I want. Sometimes she feels like my sister, too. 

“I promise we can just relax for the next little bit, okay? No more get-togethers or whatever. Just a little me and you time.” 

Byakuya sighs. “With our work schedules, such a thing is terribly unlikely.” 

Makoto chuckles, almost as if he is unable to share the other man’s jaded bitterness. “We’ll make time. Maybe we could do lunch.” 

“No, dinner. Dinner works better for me.”

 

“It’s a bit hard to get out of school when you’re the headmaster, but… I’ll see what I can do.” 

“You better,” Byakuya challenges, “I will be making reservations somewhere with standards.” 

Once again, his partner laughs. “I’ll be sure to straighten my tie before I go.” 

______________________________________________________________

“You know, you’re surprisingly verbose for someone who is supposed to be intoxicated.”

Makoto snickers, totally nonchalant, even if this comment is made in response to him somehow getting stuck in his t-shirt as Byakuya tries to peel it off him. Even if his words are still working, his body is not. It is pathetic how clumsy he has become. He wasn’t exactly in perfect standing form when they left Komaru and Toko’s place, but now he’s all stumbles and swaying. He was barely even coordinated enough to get the keys into the door of their apartment. His body seems to drift naturally to the left almost every time he is left for too long. Worst of all, instead of considering it an inconvenience, he is amused by it. He always has been a bit of a gleeful drunk. 

“And you’re struggling with a t-shirt for someone who is sober.” 

That sentence barely makes sense, but it prompts Byakuya to flick his boyfriend in the nose anyway, earning himself a whine from the other party. 

“Just stop your wriggling and let me figure this out.”

 

“I’m gonna pay you back for that.”

 

He grunts in response, reaching over Makoto’s head to pull the t-shirt from the back. With a soft shuffling sound, it slips off, revealing his bare chest. It is not the first time that Byakuya has seen Makoto with his shirt off, yet it seems like every time he does, he gets scrawnier. He never had much muscle to begin with, but it baffles him sometimes that he can even seem so tiny. It is not for lack of exercise or good nutrition – he’s been very strict with his partner about those things since they agreed to pursue a relationship – but it is just something that is uniquely Makoto. It is as if he was made to be small and cute by nature. The thought almost makes him blush, but he shakes it away, reaching over for Makoto’s bedtime hoodie and handing it to him.

 

“Are you going to be able to put this on yourself, or do you need me to dress you like a child?”

 

Makoto sticks his tongue out at Byakuya half-playfully, snatching the hoodie from his hands and slipping it on. The hoodie is grey and a little ratty, a full two sizes too big for him, but the way it swallows him up is so unfairly charming. How is this fair? How did he get to be so soft for this painfully average man? What spell did this man put over him to make him pudding on the inside? He’ll never know, and maybe he doesn’t need to know, but it swells so much emotion in him, to know how far he has come. A small smile sneaks across his face before he knows it.

 

“There, are you more comfortable now?”

 

Makoto nods gently, then chuckles and clutches his head. “Phew, that’s a little dizzying…”

“Then I would advise not doing that.”

 

He rolls his eyes. “Thanks, Byakuya. Hadn’t quite figured that one out.”

 

Once again, he can offer only a grunt in response. He instead pushes Makoto back onto the bed, landing on his behind with a bit of a wobble. In any other circumstance, Makoto might make a joke about the scenario being sexual, but he’s too drunk to do so now. He knows that Byakuya would never take advantage of him, and joking about it would just feel wrong. Besides – nothing will ever beat the last time Byakuya got drunk to him. Apparently he had refused to sleep in the bed with a much more sober Makoto, because he had a boyfriend already and was not interested in any other, man or woman. He had been quite touched, while Byakuya, on the other hand, was terribly embarrassed. As much as he loves his boyfriend, he prefers to show it in actions rather than in words. This is why it is so easy for him to then grab Makoto’s legs and swing them onto the bed, urging him to relax into their bed. Clearly exhausted from the night’s activities, he does not resist, sinking into their mountain of soft pillows.

 

“There. Do you need anything else before I go?”

 

Makoto’s expression turns sad, his brows knitting together. “You’re not going to sleep in the bed with me?”

 

The look on his face sears pain into Byakuya’s heart. His rational mind tells him to resist the gloomy glint of those olive green eyes, but the better half of him knows that it would be best if he stays with Makoto. After all, if he were to get sick in the night, he could need him. “I intended to give you your space.”

 

“I don’t want my space,” Makoto says, reaching out his arms, “I want my cuddle buddy.”

 

Byakuya glances between the door and the bed one last time, and heaves a heavy sigh. He flicks off the light switch, closes the door, and makes his way to bed with his partner. Makoto giggles gleefully as Byakuya joins him in bed, allowing him to be claimed by the merciful grasp of feather pillows and their cushy silk duvet. As soon as Byakuya is under the covers, Makoto cuddles right up, wrapping both his arms around his partner’s.

 

“The things I do for you,” Byakuya sighs once more, plucking his glasses from his eyes and putting them on the bedside table, “You’ve made a human being out of me, and I hate it.”

 

Makoto laughs again and reaches up to brush some of Byakuya’s hair out of his face, smiling all the while. “Your hair is so soft…” His voice is smooth and rich like fudge before he continues, reigniting his amusement, “Just like your heart.”

“Ugh, you’re as bad as your sister.”

 

It’s at that moment that Makoto jolts up, reaching for his phone. “Komaru! I forgot to let her know we got home!”

 

Byakuya opens his mouth to protest the movements, but Makoto already has the phone in his hand, not seeming to notice or care that he’s starting to sway again. Byakuya tugs him back down to rest his head, and surprisingly he does, but he won’t take his eyes off the phone. For a moment he wonders if there is more of an urgency to the situation than he thought – perhaps after her traumatic separation from their parents, Komaru had some unresolved anxiety about Makoto’s safety. However, once he catches a smile start to form on his face, he knows that whatever Komaru’s reaction is, it can’t be too bad. He is about to open his mouth to ask when he tilts the phone over to him. On the screen is two texts from Komaru. The first is a photo of her and Toko, snuggled up in bed. Komaru is smiling and winking, while Toko is dead asleep, drooling against Komaru’s shoulder with her mouth wide open, but seeming very happy. The second message is the caption to the first, saying: “Got my cuddle buddy to bed safe and sound. How about you?”

 

Ugh. He knows where this is going.

 

“I assume you want to send a picture of us back to her?”

 

Makoto smiles sheepishly. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

“I would,” he sighs, taking the phone from Makoto’s hands and pushing a smile, “But I will do it for your sake.” 

He laughs. “You really are a softie.”

 

Byakuya kisses Makoto’s cheek softly. “Only for you.”

#hopefully you like it anon! i know it's been awhile since this was requested (insert awkward sheepish laughing here) #this was honestly an interesting challenge for me tbh. I've never written byakuya romantically so it was neat to explore #Koto's 100 Followers Gifts #naegami #tokomaru #makoto naegi #byakuya togami #komaru naegi #toko fukawa #danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #danganronpa 3 #danganronpa ultra despair girls #danganronpa fanfiction

[danganronpa-21]

Can you please do a execution for Shuichi where he goes out on finding stray pets, but only for every animal to viciously attack him and even try to eat his own flesh off, but it ends with him being eaten by a alligator?

Surprise! I'm so, so sorry that this took so long. I can only hope that you are still looking forward to this. Even if you’ve moved on, I hope you can still enjoy some semblance of this.This one turned out pretty long, about 15 pages. It's chock full of warnings like graphic violence, suicidal ideation, and vomiting. Please be careful as you go on reading.

Fingers crossed that this work was worth the wait!

________________________________________________________________

Shuichi had been found guilty.

If it weren’t for Kaede’s piercing cries of refusal, he might not have believed as much. But the palms of his hands were disgustingly sweaty, and his heart thundered in his chest like it was fighting to get out. God. It had happened. He’d… he’d actually been caught. Some detective he cracked up to be, he thought resentfully, cursing himself for not having been more careful. What happened was an accident — already enough proof that he should have taken more care in planning out how he was going to hide it. But now Kaede managed to put together every piece of the truth, and though he blathered on and on with explanations as to why he killed Tsumugi, he knew little could be done now. Monokuma passed his judgement. His time on earth ran thin, like the last bit of sand slowly trickling down to the bottom of an hourglass. Just slowly falling away, right up until nothing remained.

He wished his death could be that gentle, but he didn’t want to be taken for a fool. He knew Monokuma held other plans in those mechanical paws of his. Everything wouldn’t be spiraling out of control otherwise, with only the shouting of his killing school classmates to break through the internal chaos of his mind.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

How heartbreaking it was for him to hear that sound one last time. The thundering of his own heart in his ears. He had lived his whole life hearing that sound. It came with his natural anxiety. For most of his life, it had been a sign of danger, a sign to run. In a way, he supposed he could argue that it was the same now, but… it would be foolish not to acknowledge it as the last sign of life. The last he’d show before the execution whisked him away into horrible, desolate nothingness. With nothing left to do, Shuichi closed his eyes, and started to pray.

______________________________________________________________________________

Shuichi’s eyelids peeled open, and in all honesty, he half expected to wake up in his bed at the Gifted Inmates Academy. It wouldn’t be the first time such a nightmare took hold of him, after all. The assumption that he might have the luxury of waking up in his own bed wasn’t so hard to grasp, and yet… Yet with one blink, he knew that happening would be far too good to be true.

Though his vision had blurred from his lack of consciousness, with a couple of blinks he could get a sense of where he was… At least, where he thought he was. Recalling what happened in what seemed like only a few minutes prior, with all of his classmates around him shouting and begging Monokuma not to do it, he knew he couldn’t really be out in the world like that. The scene that unfolded before his tired eyes could be nothing more than mere illusion, and yet there was a part of him that prayed it could be true.

He drew in a deep breath. In came the scent of rain through his nose as he stood there, waiting. Though his gaze could reveal little with his hazy grasp on reality, all of the right shapes were there. It had been awhile since he last saw a world as authentic as this. If his situation were any less dire, he might have smiled at the sight. The little brick houses lined up in neat little rows, and the white picket fences that stretched around them, concealing flower beds and seas of green and pink trees. Cloudy sky spanned above him, and though he could smell the incoming precipitation, he found a part of him that wanted to stand out there in the rain – to draw in that fresh spring breeze and relish it with everything he had, because he knew there was nothing more to this than Monokuma’s fabrication. He knew that these would be something of his final moments, and that this would soon be twisted into a torturous experience… Still, could anyone blame him for wanting to enjoy this one moment of pure peace, before his  world went to shit?

He closed his eyes once again, taking another set of deep breaths. Sweat slicked his palms. God, he wished there was a way out of this. Death breathed down his neck to make every hair stand on end. If there was a grim reaper, the certainty of his being right behind Shuichi swept him away. No matter what he said, no matter what he desired, this was it. Death would come for him. This is what he got for killing Tsumugi.

His hands curled into fists. He just wanted to help his classmates. That’s all he wanted. To just… be useful for once. To not be a failure and an embarrassment for once in his life. Yet even that came as too heavy of a request for fate to fill. He supposed it was just as well. Dying would be the biggest grace he could give his classmates. At least now, they wouldn’t be burdened by his presence. Now, no one would be.

“Shuichi Saihara has been found guilty! Now beginning… Execution: Chomp Chomp Carnage.”

No. No. No. Words were forming on his lips, the same ones he’d been thinking since Kaede sniffed him out. Please, no. Just as his vision started to come to, he found it started to blur once more, now lost to the tears hanging onto his lashes. All he wanted to do was close his eyes, let this whole thing be a dream. 

End it quickly, he begged Monokuma. End it quickly so that the others won’t see me like this. End it quickly so that I won’t hurt. I extended that same grace to Tsumugi. Please, no pain, just let it end quickly.

Cotton-tongued, he couldn’t find it within himself to do anything but shut his eyes, waiting for the world to melt away. At this point, nobody could dare to tell him that death wasn’t lurking around the corner. Would it be pathetic of him to just decide to wait for it? No matter what he said, what he did, it was going to come. So why not stand there and brace himself for its arrival? He didn’t want to fight. He was… so tired. Everything was so tired. Limbs hanging from his body like they held the world’s weight, lids so exhausted by the sights he’d seen that he wanted to close them permanently. What was the point of all this anyway? What was there for him to be afraid of? Just let it come. Just let it come.

Be at peace, he commanded himself. Do not flinch in the face of adversity. This is what you deserve. This is Tsumugi’s revenge. So just be at peace, Shuichi, knowing that you’re getting what’s coming to you and that there’s nothing that you, or anyone can do to stop it. Be at peace and stop thinking about the feeling of your heart and the tears on your lashes and the look on Kaede’s face and whether or not your uncle will miss you when you’re gone. Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think.

A sob tore its way through his throat before he could stop it, his eyelids peeling themselves open if only to remind him of how blurry the world around him looked. Somewhere in the pit of his stomach a scream brewed, yet he loathed to let it out. What would it accomplish? Simply put, it was just the first way he would tell Monokuma that he won. Nothing more, nothing less. So he held it in. He held it in and swiped at his eyes, unwilling to be any more of a loser in this situation than he already was. Monokuma would take everything else out from under him. The least he could do was attempt to preserve his own dignity.

Quick breaths now, Shuichi, he reminded himself. Where he would go next, he didn’t know. All that he knew was that even through the tears, he could see something in the distance. Something small, and… and bright, laying on the ground. In a way, it looked sort of square, and took on the colour of scarlet. Could he even find the strength to go over there and check it out? His legs were like tether poles, driven into the ground by his fear. Moving one foot in front of the other as tears rolled down his face seemed damn near impossible, but… It wasn’t as if there could be any more loss for him to experience. There were worse things than those gentle steps he took forward. Just one foot in front of the other, a few paces until he stopped upon the red square. Or, to be more precise, a red envelope.

“A red envelope sitting in the street…” The situation would only become more melancholic the more he spoke to himself, but he found it didn’t matter. By all means, this was an execution. It wasn’t as if he was going to feel embraced by company any time soon. “I guess this must be for me.”

With a heavy sigh, Shuichi wasted no time plucking the envelope off the street, trying not to think about how soft the paper seemed in his hands. Would this be the last time he ever touched it? Hard to say, yet if it were, he wanted to savour it. Slowly he slid his finger through the envelope, tearing it open to reveal the note inside. What a surprise it was for him to be met with a sheet of snow white paper, and an even greater one for him to find a note written upon it. If he were to be honest, he half-expected the paper to be blank, like some sort of cruel joke the mastermind played on him to make him despair even further. He knew that would be the goal, after all. Despair before death.

But this… this seemed too simple. Here he was, thinking that this red envelope would begin his symphony of torture and screams of pain, but all it did was reveal to him a letter. Actually, whether or not it could be classified as a letter was a debatable topic. When he traced the phrases with his eyes, they all seemed to go back to the same root idea: three lost pets lost in the streets of this neighbourhood. Whoever left this red envelope out on the road wanted Shuichi to find them.

“There are three lost animals in total, all of varying species…” Shuichi didn’t even have to think; the letter’s contents fell from his lips with no consideration, “Sanguis the guinea pig, Imfa the cat, and Alavida the alligator… Strange names.”

Strange felt like an understatement. Now, Shuichi wasn’t exactly well-versed in languages, but from what he knew, these animals had some pretty weird names. Or, at least they were weird for Japan. They all sounded pretty foreign… Surely, Monokuma must have put this envelope here to play at something. Probably whatever brand of death would claim Shuichi.

It seemed obvious now that the envelope would inherently be  a trap. Nothing could be too simple for Monokuma and the mastermind. Sometimes the simplest techniques could be the most effective, or so they said. Shuichi was never certain how much he believed in that, but it wasn’t like he was in any position to question it. Really, he figured he wasn’t in much of a position to be questioning anything anymore.

The boy did little more than sigh as he slipped the note into the pocket of his uniform. Whatever kind of job this was, he felt confident that it would be more challenging than any of the others he’d faced. Whether it was puzzles or pain, the mastermind never liked to skimp out on the details. Surely, surely… This would be a painful experience. Long and hard and wrought with suffering. But it would be his, and when he caught that first glimpse of fur, his immediate thought wasn’t “hide from it”; it was “run to it”.

All he saw was a small flash. A whisper in the wind, but one he found himself stumbling towards nonetheless. Even from the brief glimpse out of the corner of the eye, he could tell it was too small to be a dog or a cat… and much, much too fluffy to be an alligator… Not that they were particularly small, either. All he caught was a tuft of jet-black fur in the green grass, and he knew that in spite of everything, he’d probably found something. In all fairness, anyone who’d had extended contact with a guinea pig would know that they loved to munch on grass.

Anyone who had extended contact with a guinea pig in the past would also know that training for a guinea pig could be… limited. It all depended on how malleable Sanguis was, but there wasn’t any information in the note aside from the name. He didn’t know its favourite treats, if it knew any tricks, if it would run away when approached. He couldn’t even be sure that the little black tuft was Sanguis. It wasn’t as if the letter contained a description, so his options in terms of the pig were pretty limited. When all else failed, though, he found himself leaning back into a classic tactic: mimicking its sound.

If there was one thing he recalled best about his experiences with guinea pigs, it was that they had a distinct cry. The technical term for it was apparently wheeking, but it was always more of a bweep bweep sound. While his voice was too low to properly mimic the sound, he felt certain that the action would at least grant him the rodent’s attention. At the very least, it could register the sound of his voice as a danger signal. Something to listen more closely to, given that he was so far from the creature already.

He wheeked softly at first. If he started out too strong, he risked the creature scampering off before he’d had the opportunity to convince it. Chasing after a rogue guinea pig was about the last thing he needed right now, given that this was still an execution and he was well aware that he was set to die anyway. Creating trouble with Sanguis would only make his last moments all the more difficult. So he started out carefully, each of his steps towards the creature as gentle as he could make them. He fixed his gaze on Sanguis as best he could. If Sanguis decided to run, Shuichi would need to know of this decision the second it happened. He was lifting his head now, his tiny nose twitching in the air as his blood red eyes stared at what lay before him. His small ears seemed to twitch at the sound of his predator’s voice, mimicking his own cries. Still, Shuichi couldn’t help but notice that while Sanguis listened, he did not answer. Whether or not that could be considered a good thing, he didn’t know. All he knew came down to the fact that Sanguis appeared to be letting him inch closer.

Every breath came out shaky. He feared the slightest change in his demeanour might make the rodent scamper off, so it forced him to be particular about the way he held himself. His stomach held tight, his steps soft and slow as he moved from pavement to the grass, all of it done while eyeing Sanguis. The creature’s nose did little in response other than offer a slight twitch. He wished silently that he had some sort of food on him. That would make it a lot easier to make the guinea pig want to come to him. They always did respond well to food, if he remembered anything from his previous experiences finding them. Still, the reaction he received so far had been pretty good. Sanguis didn’t show too many signs of running. Shuichi could feel his confidence climbing ever so subtly with every step forward, brushing his hands against the grass.

Maybe I should grab a fistful of grass, he thought to himself. It was true that he didn’t have any food to attract Sanguis with, but the grass was just as edible and would probably work just as well. What else could he do but take a fistful of the grass into his hand? He tore it out with enthusiasm, forgetting for only a second that he was in his final moments.

Sanguis watched his actions intently. Those wide irises of his eyed the grass in Shuichi’s fist; if he were human, Shuichi felt certain he would have licked his lips. If he were in a better mood, he supposed he could have laughed at the way Sanguis came plodding over when he extended his hand. The guinea pig’s little whiskers tickled his hand as he came sniffing over, looking to grab at the greenery in Shuichi’s palm. Had he been in less of a state of panic, he might have giggled. He always liked guinea pigs. Their cute little twitching noses and large black pupils made for funny little creatures indeed. In the back of his mind, he knew he should be careful about getting too trusting, but for a moment he let that slip.

He would pay for that moment.

After a few seconds of letting Sanguis sniff his hand, the creature forewent the grass entirely. He ended up deciding that it would be the best course of action to sink his sharp teeth into Shuichi’s palm. Yelping in pain, he tried to draw his hand back, but the grip on him was harsher than expected. He more so ended up pulling the pig forward rather than actually pulling his hand away. One hand reached for the next in a pathetic bid to pry Sanguis off, but the movements were enough to startle the creature and forced it to release. Sanguis tumbled down his lap, and as he stared at his palm, he noticed droplets of blood beginning to form around the broken skin. Worry pricked at him as he watched Sanguis tumble down his lap. As Sanguis landed on his belly in the grass, his uninjured hand moved reflexively to touch him in comfort. Before skin could meet fur, however, Sanguis let out the sharpest and angriest wheek Shuichi had ever heard. With a craning of his neck to look at his victim with a wild glint in his eye, something so tiny had never looked so scary.

“You’re some kind of like… rabies-pig, aren’t you?” Shuichi muttered, staring down at the wound on his hand. “You’ve been genetically modified or something.”

Sanguis once again wheeked loudly in response, practically baring his teeth at Shuichi before turning forward and scampering through the grass as fast as his little legs could manage. There was a part of him that thought perhaps he should have followed, but the stinging wet pain of his injury reminded him why he parted from Sanguis in the first place. 

This did not spell anything good for the rest of his search. Not that he was expecting much, given this was an execution and all, but a small piece of him had hoped for at least a bit of a dignified death. Though it wasn’t Monokuma’s style, the thought of a lighter death was perhaps the only thing pushing him through this execution. After all, if he wasn’t able to save his friends by killing Tsumugi, the least he would want for them is to have to watch them suffer – especially since the word “betrayal” had been whispered more than a few times during the trial. 

Plucking the leaf from a nearby weed, he wrapped it around his hand in a vain attempt to soak up the blood. Guinea pig bites were painful, but not typically harsh, so he figured he would be okay if he really was a normal guinea pig. If he wasn’t, though, then he supposed he would start to feel those drugs or virus symptoms any minute now. As he pressed the leaf against it, watching emerald turn to carmine, he couldn’t help but sigh. What must the others be thinking right now? With shaky legs, he rose to his feet. 

Thinking of the others provided a welcome distraction from the bite, even if it was just a cheap ploy to get his mind to favour one type of pain over the other. Nonetheless, it was something, and with the racing thoughts overtaking him as he wandered forward, it was all he could rely on. 

Maki was probably frowning as she watched him on screen, watching him fight through the execution. “This has to be the slowest execution I’ve ever seen,” he imagined her saying, and the folded arms that came along with it would betray that it wasn’t her wasted time that she was complaining about. Kaito, he thought, would probably nod in agreement. He wouldn’t have much to say in reply. The words would catch in his throat – a situation that was beyond unusual for the Super High School Level Astronaut. 

Angie, he decided, would probably pray. Clasped hands and closed eyes, she would pray to her god for his soul to find peace in the world beyond. Some of the others might join her in that prayer. He wasn’t sure whether or not they would pick different gods. Maybe his incoming demise would bring a sense of unity, or maybe the variation would bring him better chances. Regardless, he liked to think that they might.

As his feet carried him onward, roaming through the phony peachy street, he did all that he could to not think of Kaede. Perhaps it was cruel, but he wished for her to shed at least a few tears at his demise. They had been friends, after all, and the last thing he wanted was for her to loathe him completely. Back in the trial, she seemed to have understood why he killed Tsumugi, but… how much would that colour her opinion of him? Would she remember him as a friend, or as a murderer? Whatever she did, he at least hoped that she would try to remember him as he was – as he really was. Not who he would become in the moments before death, and certainly not who he had been when he had eliminated Tsumugi. 

Tears pricked at his eyes once more, the lump in his throat holding itself so tight that he almost couldn’t swallow around it. Sanguis’s bite stung like hell. It was no deeper than the average guinea pig’s teeth could sink, and though he lobbed accusations, there was no proof that he had been tampered with... yet still it stung, like its own form of mockery as he was forced forward. Every step seemed to irritate it more, like the rows and rows of identical empty brick houses he passed somehow could increase the ache. He wondered if the wound had stopped bleeding by now. Carefully, he unwrapped the dandelion leaf, stopping to take a look at it. He was only a few seconds into noticing the layer of peeling skin when a sharp hiss snapped him out of his thoughts.

He knew what it would be even before they locked eyes. 

That goddamn cat.

It was every bit as ugly as he anticipated. Long-haired with matted grey fur, dark eyes, and a snout pushed in by years of inbreeding. An angry red scar ran across its face, but this was not the most unappealing thing about the creature. The perpetual snarl on its face easily took the award in the worst flaw category. 

“You must be Imfa.”

The feline did not reply. Not a hiss or a meow. She simply stared, sharp-eyed, waiting for him to make his move. Like she understood that the two of them were locked in a stand-off. Her indignation did not surprise him, especially not after what happened with Sanguis. If this was his execution, if all was as Monokuma said it would be, then he had no doubts that Imfa was here to challenge him. A story of lost pets who only seemed to fight and fight, discontent to be brought back to the owners they didn’t have… It didn’t take a detective to know that these animals were meant to be his killing machines. He didn’t know why he even bothered to indulge the idea that this might be anything different. 

“I… guess I’m supposed to try and catch you now?” He said, talking mostly to himself. It wasn’t like the cat had any intention of responding. Even if she did, she didn’t speak Japanese. “And then you’ll run?” 

Imfa’s eyes widened. Uh-oh. On a normal cat, this would have meant alertness, or perhaps an expectation of playtime. For this one, though… She was ready. She understood exactly what her job was, and she was going to do it. All she needed was for him to take that first step. Remembering the truth of his mission, remembering what this was all for, he did.

One foot in front of the other, Shuichi charged at her, moving as fast as his legs could carry him. It was sort of a hobble-run, really, but nonetheless he hoped it would be effective overall. He needed to catch her if he wanted to get this over with. Nabbing Imfa wouldn’t be so easy if he wasn’t on her level. To his surprise, his strange approach worked better than he thought, helping him scoop her into his arms with only a bit of wriggling. She resisted, of course – squirmed the whole way through, trying to snake her way out of his arms before he could even rise to his feet – but he pushed through, not stopping even when she began to let out a loud shriek of protest. He knew it wouldn’t be too long before he felt her sharp claws clinging onto his jacket, tearing at the fabric and exposing his arms to an assault of feline fury. 

He did what he could to hold strong. This was his task, after all. It would all amount to his death in the end, yet the knowledge of that didn’t make him want to stop. If holding Imfa would make this easier, would make it go faster, then he would cling to her for dear life. If she wanted to scratch him up with disease-ridden claws, rub her fleas all over his body, and bite him until her teeth fell out, then that was how it would have to be. Monokuma had already refused him dignity and promised him death. What was the point in trying to fight that off? What would he gain from extending his torture? 

The images of his friends entered his mind once again. Angie, on her hands and knees now, hands clasped in prayer. He could almost hear her words beyond Imfa’s feral scream. Maki, tugging frustratedly on one of her pigtails, a crease in her brow as she cursed under her breath. Ouch! Imfa found his hand. Like most cats, she knew how to make good use of her teeth. They sunk in like she was trying to mimic Sanguis’s damage. Kaede, teary-eyed, tight-lipped, clutching at her sweater for some form of comfort or tension relief. 

I’m sorry, everyone. I can’t keep putting you through this.

Claws raked his skin and he cried out, still holding firm. Had Monokuma even accounted for him properly capturing Imfa? He never received an indication of what to do with her. Here she was, writhing in his arms, practically foaming at the mouth with frustration, and there was nothing to be done. Maybe he was right that that in itself was the point: for Shuichi to let creatures like Sanguis and Imfa have their way torturing him, until bigger and better pets came up to make his life hell. Who would kill him in the end? Perhaps in a show of irony, a big bear would come and kill him in the end. The mastermind would surely love that. 

Just let me die already.

The blood beading on the scratches was cathartic, almost. He couldn’t exaggerate his sense of reality to the point where he truly believed that he was dying, but the clear evidence that the end was coming meant something. He doesn’t want to die; he just wants to get it over with. Why can’t Monokuma just end this stupid charade already? 

The next time Imfa sunk her teeth into his hand, he dropped her. No hesitation, no care, just dropped. He never made the decision, she just… fell. Fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes, screeching at him as she landed on all four feet. For a moment he almost felt sorry for the thing, but as she turned back to hiss at him, his regret became lacking. 

Just let me die already. 

Letting out a final hiss, Imfa suddenly took off, darting towards the simple roads of the picturesque town. Cursing under his breath, Shuichi followed, running as fast as he could manage to try and keep up with her. He couldn’t help but notice the way she seemed to race along the edge of the paved beast… like she was looking for an opening. 

__________________________________________________________________________

Kaede’s heart made its home in her stomach. She thought, anyway. Perhaps it had already fallen out of her butt or something dramatic like that. It didn’t really matter, did it? Nothing else mattered right now. Not her comfort, her anxiety, her sense of the world. All that mattered was Shuichi, whom she knew for certain was being dragged to a most gruesome death. 

“I never thought I would say this, but fuck that cat,” Kaito muttered under his breath, teeth grazing his lip as he stared up at the screen before him. They’d been watching Shuichi track Sanguis and Imfa for what felt like hours. In truth it probably hadn’t been more than a few minutes. “Fuck that cat.”

“More like fuck Monokuma.” Kaede whispered in reply, still careful to make sure that their captor would not overhear. She hated that damn bear already, but the last thing she needed to do was get herself into further trouble. It wouldn’t help anyone. Shuichi had made her promise to take care of things, after all, and she didn’t want to dishonour his wishes so soon after she’d lost him. 

Huh. She’d lost him. Silent tears threatened to slip down her cheeks as it dawned on her that her dear friend was already as good as dead. The pain of executions, she found, was not just that you were watching someone die. That alone would be traumatic enough, but for someone like Monokuma… oh no, that could never be good enough. What he needed, what he performed, was a mocking game of hope and despair. You knew the end result, you knew the consequences before you started playing the game, but you still had hope that you could get away unscathed. Why would so many of these people fight to survive? Hope, plain and simple. And there are only so many times you can watch hopes be crushed before it starts to get to you. Kaede wondered if this would be her breaking point. She prayed to every god in existence that this would not be the case. 

Her body wracked with tremors. She could barely watch as Shuichi darted after the cat, knowing full well that he was following it to a certain death. How could he not know that by now? Did he know that, and was just trying to get it done faster? There were very few felines who would have any business in a sewer, and yet, that’s exactly where Imfa seemed to go. There were only so many ways this could end. 

“Is he going to drown in sewer water or something?” Kaito asked Maki, clutching tightly onto the sleeves of his jacket. Apart from Kaede, he might have been the other person in the group who was most broken up by Shuichi’s loss. Though he was trying hard to hide it, his eyes were more glassy than normal, and his usual conviction remained absent from his speech. “Sounds like a bad way to go, drowning in shit.”

Maki merely shrugged in response, her piercing glare even sharper than before. Thinly veiled anger, if Kaede had to guess. One could only imagine the fantasies she was having about ripping the stuffing out of Monokuma and spitting on his disemboweled corpse. A twisted part of Kaede shared that reverie.

“Seize us with Your power and Your light,” Angie muttered, hands clasped in prayer, wishing for this to be enough to help their friend, “Help us to protect all life…”

If Angie’s god could save them, then he would be the best there ever was… but even if he were all powerful, she doubted that Shuichi could be rescued as well. Sometimes, gods are just too late… Or perhaps she was just becoming a bit of a cynic. Too many broken dreams. 

Shuichi’s mixed desperation and fear about catching up to Imfa seemed to linger as he plunged himself into the opening of the sewer. Though water splashed against him when his feet met the bottom, he didn’t seem to react to the newfound wetness of his pant legs. No, all he seemed focused on was scanning the area, trying to find that cat as if he, too, was tired of prolonging the inevitable. She wasn’t sure if the thought of him also wanting this to just end made her feel better or worse. Probably the latter, if she had to guess.

The water in the sewer was deeper than she expected, about up to Shuichi’s knees. She gulped. He was an average height for a man. Suddenly she worried that Kaito’s former prediction might come true. Drowning him in the sewers might not have been particularly on theme, but it would still have been unpleasant. People always said that drowning was one of the worst ways to die. As the thought crossed her mind, she could take comfort only in the fact that the sewers here didn’t seem to be based in… human excrement. They were more like a storm drain, littered with dirt and leaves. Actually, that reminded her-

“Where did Imfa go?” 

The thought popped into her mind in tandem with the words leaving Shuichi’s mouth. Only a moment ago Shuichi had been chasing Imfa towards the sewers. Both he and the group watching had seen her leap in. Where did she go? Was there some sort of ledge she’d scampered onto that he didn’t know about? Or was the dirty beast somewhere flailing in the water? Or, even more ominously, was she there anymore at all? Were it any other cat, she might have found herself full of concern for it, but right then, all she could think about was what Imfa’s disappearance could mean for him. Suddenly, the already heavy lump in her throat made swallowing even tougher. 

Watching Shuichi tread through the water, she found herself wondering if it was true concern creasing his brow. Even if it were, it would still beg the question of who it was for. Himself almost would have been the answer she hoped for, if it did not include the fact that he inched closer to his demise with every step. The poor boy was already in such rough shape. Deep cuts and scratches marked his face and hands, blood still dripping from some of the wounds as he waded through the sewers. At least he didn’t have to put his injuries anywhere near the water. Water as filthy as that, a soup of leaves, soil, and human bacteria… it would be bound to sting, maybe even cause infection if he had more time. 

“Imfa!” Shuichi called out as he wandered forward, moving closer and closer to where his path might diverge. “Here, kitty! W-W-Where are you?” 

Forget the damn cat, Shuichi, Kaede longed to cry, but he wouldn’t hear her even if she did. Not that it mattered even if he could hear, anyway. He was doomed. She had to keep reminding herself of that: he’s doomed, he’s doomed, he’s doomed. He’s dead. 

“Here, kitty k-kitty kitty,” Shuichi shouted once more, cupping his hands over his mouth like the amplification could make a difference, “Here, Imfa! Don’t you wanna scratch me up some more?” 

The cat, to no one’s surprise, failed to respond. Regardless, the detective pushed on, yelling for the disappeared pet over and over again. As the minutes melted by and all he did was shout, a sense of dread began to build in the pit of Kaede’s stomach. Every hair on her body began to stand on end, and she swore she could feel the colour draining from her skin. Her heart, still beating as fast as ever, flooded its sound into her ears as she watched. 

Someone’s hand brushed hers. “Kaede?” A familiar voice said softly. Ryoma, she noted, but did not look at him. “Are you okay? You don’t have to watch.”

Yet her eyes were glued to the screen, taking in every last image of her friend’s incoming demise. As the camera turned to focus on Shuichi’s front, sweat slicked her palms. She lacked the strength to even spare a glance in Monokuma’s direction, yet she could picture the look on his face – the conniving little smirk that would generate and grow and grow until finally they-

“Holy shit, what the hell is that in the water?!” 

Kaito was the first to scream and point, the others following suit. There stood Shuichi, knee-deep in sewer water, calling out for the attention of an alligator. Oh, did she say alligator? She meant cat. He’d just managed to attract the attention of an alligator with his yelling – and then he had promptly frozen in place, wide-eyed. A string of curses slipped from Kaede’s lips. The beast swam ever closer, its long body gliding through the water with ease, and all they could do was gaze upon the image with wide eyes. Monokuma’s laughter echoed in the background as the beast slithered forward, face lifting from the water as its long jaw opened wider and wider. The cries of the others sounded out around her, but they would fall on deaf ears. 

Within a matter of seconds, the alligator’s jaw snapped against Shuichi’s leg. He crumpled instantly, howling in pain as he dropped to his hands and knees in the water. The detective had only been in the water for a matter of seconds, and yet they could all see the scarlet of his blood beginning to seep in. She could only imagine the burning and stinging that came with the bite, sewage water seeping into the open wound and piercing him with sharp daggers of pain. She couldn’t tell if it had damaged the bone, but at the very least, the gator must have taken a chunk of flesh out of his calf. The thought of that alone was enough to make bile rise in her throat. Feigning strength, she forced it back down. She wasn’t sure if they should be thankful or not that the water obscured their view of the wound. It seemed a little cruel.

“Oh fuck,” curses spilled from Kaito’s lips as they watched on, grasping at Maki’s arm, “Oh fuck, oh fuck.”

Though nobody else was verbalizing it, Kaede knew that his sentiment was shared by everyone in the room. As the alligator’s jaws unhinged from Shuichi’s leg, her stomach flopped, trying to process the expression of absolute terror on his face. Eyes wide like a full moon, body drenched in sewer water and sweat, brows knitted together in unimaginable pain as his teeth clenched, and tears formed in his eyes. His chest was heaving as he stared into the beady eyes of the creature still unhinging its maw, eyeing him like a piece of fresh deli meat. Each hair on Kaede’s body was standing on end as she watched, wondering if each breath would be his last. With a wounded leg, there was no getting away from the beast. Both he and she knew that. The alligator must have known that, too. Suddenly, Ryoma’s suggestion that she not watch suddenly seemed like a good one. 

Try as she might, she still could not tear herself away from the screen. 

Shuichi was glued in place. Even if he weren’t, between his leg and the water resistance, he wouldn’t be able to get very far. Kaede swallowed hard. She was powerless to help him now. Monokuma had stolen all the power she had, and all she could do was try to ignore the feeling of her heart being ripped apart by the scene before her.

“Run!” Some of the other survivors were chanting, Kaito the loudest of them all. “Come on, Shuichi, at least try to run!”

It doesn’t matter if he runs, Kaede longed to scream. He’s screwed. We’re all screwed. As the alligator stared down their classmate, poised and ready to pounce once more, Kaede knew there was nothing else that she or anyone could do. All of their praying and crying and begging wasn’t going to do anything. The mastermind, whoever they were, was laughing about it. With one last wiggle into position, the alligator lunged forth once more and leapt towards Shuichi’s throat.

Seeing what happened from there was difficult. The positioning of Shuichi’s legs, intended to give him the opportunity to push himself up again, made it challenging for the alligator to get at his most vulnerable spot. The animal practically launched itself forward at him, moving quickly and frantically to get its way there. Each of its limbs were rushing to get to Shuichi as fast as it possibly could. In a creepy way, it almost seemed like it knew that it had a job to do, much like Sanguis and Imfa had. Still, all the way along, Shuichi resisted with everything in his power. His good leg delivered a swift kick to the alligator’s torso, earning him a hiss of anger from the beast. Treating it as a prize, Shuichi gave another. Then another. Then another. This angered the gator. The jaw spread itself open once more, revealing a mouth full of sharp yellow teeth. Whatever the gator’s breath smelled like, it made Shuichi’s nose wrinkle as he took another jab at the beast with his fist this time, punching it square in the snout. 

No hiss this time. The alligator just resolved to keep pushing. Pushing and pushing, using the rest of his body as a springboard to get to the throat. No success yet, but Kaede could practically smell the copper through the screen. Shuichi could only fight for so long. Bile rose in her throat at the thought. They were going to see him die on screen. Cries for him to succeed flooded her ears from the students around her. The alligator’s jaw snapped dangerously close to his throat. The ground swayed beneath her feet. Everything was spinning. The gator snapped again, the tip of his mouth catching on the skin of Shuichi’s neck. The detective gasped, but did not stop fighting, did not stop moving as he tried to jab his fingers into the alligator’s eyes. For someone who had seemed to resign himself to death, he kept fighting. There truly was a part of Shuichi Saihara that did want to live, but it came far too late. 

The creature snapped again, and with that last bit of effort, secured itself around Shuichi’s neck. 

The scream that erupted from Shuichi was guttural. Half-way between a gargle and a shriek, it tore through the air of the trial room, sending shivers down her spine. Blood poured from the wound as if from a faucet, and it only seemed to bring more as the alligator sunk its teeth further into Shuichi’s skin. His eyes were wide with pain. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he lay there, seconds away from death. Half the crowd around her was screaming. The ones that weren’t were crying. Kaede was perhaps the only person who found the strength to finally turn away, hands clamped over her mouth to try and prevent the bile in her throat from reaching its peak. 

They failed. Head hanging, lacking in dignity, Kaede vomited all over the floor of the trial room. It was so par for the course with the execution that none but one even turned to look at her. As the screams and cries of the trial room continued to ring out, Shuichi’s body being mangled and eaten by the alligator he fought so hard against, Ryoma found his way to Kaede’s side. 

“You alright?” He asked stupidly, clearly not sure of what else to say. His voice trembled with every word. “Maybe plug your ears. It’ll help.”

She jammed her fingers in her ears without a second thought. All the while, she felt Ryoma press a comforting hand to her thigh, the only place his short stature would allow him to reach appropriately. His hands, much like his voice, were shaking. “It’ll be over soon.”

Kaede nodded. May your soul find peace, Shuichi Saihara.

Thank you for trying to protect us.

#danganronpa v3 #dangaronpa v3 AU #danganronpa v3 goodbye despair #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #danganronpa #kaito momota #angie yonaga #maki harukawa #Koto's 100 Followers Gifts

[danganronpa-21]

Kiiruma for the fanfic request

Pairing: Kiiruma (Kiibo x Miu Iruma)

Word Count: 4729 words (11 pages)

Applicable Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending

Warnings: Mention of suicide, heavy violence and bullying.

Summary: Miu wishes Kiibo hadn’t protected her that way. She couldn’t support it, knowing what would have to be done.

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It was Miu’s fault. 

What Professor Idabashi had to do, it was Miu’s fault. 

She didn’t know how long the two of them had been standing there, just staring at the deanimated body of their loved one. She could barely even recall arriving, her entire being having been consumed in a fog. A fog that hadn’t lifted since the day the professor told her about Kiibo’s deactivation. She supposed it paired well with the rest of her body, the whole thing tingling with this profound sense of numbness She’d already spent the time she needed feeling those deep stabbing pains in her guts, squeezing out a seemingly endless stream of tears. Her mind drifted back to that first night, her roommate holding her hair back as she dry heaved. She’d been crying too hard. Hadn’t been able to stop the dinner she’d barely eaten from coming back up.

“It’s okay, Iruma-chan.” Kaede’s voice was supposed to be soothing to Miu’s ears, but with everything that happened, it felt honeyed. “You’re okay, Iruma-chan.”

She’d hated hearing those words. She knew she wasn’t. She could never be. Not after what happened, what she did. She could never be okay with leaving things the way they were. But could she say that to Kaede? All the poor girl wanted to do was help. Much as Miu mocked her sometimes, she didn’t have the heart to tell her off. She knew she was a mess. It would be wrong to fault Kaede for trying to pick up the broken pieces of who she was. Whether she believed the other girl or not, she was just trying to help.

Kiibo would have been fine if Miu stood up for herself that day. It would have been better for everyone if she’d just worked up the courage to pound that guy’s face in the moment he started to disrespect her. It was what any gorgeous girl genius would have done in her place, but she knew she wasn’t that person. Not really. It was just a front to keep people from feeling as if they could mess with her. And even then, what happened to Kiibo made it clear that it didn’t work. How could it, when that boy had marched up and smacked her across the face like it was nothing?

People were always shocked when people they liked were hit. They’d all yelp and cry out, kicking up a big fuss. Sometimes someone would even come to their defence, in hopes of protecting them from their assailant. Miu saw that very same thing happen time and time again, when girls prettier and more popular than her were struck. Usually on account of some drama, she’d guessed. She’d always had to guess. Nobody but Kiibo wanted to tell her anything. The two of them had always just had to assume that the drama was really terrible, for the girl to warrant a hit like that. But regardless of what happened with each of those girls, someone always came to their rescue. Someone would lift them off the ground, check their wounds, call the other person some horrible name. Then they’d squabble until a teacher came rushing out, all wide-eyed and crotchety over the scene. Like students beating on each other somehow took the skin off their backs. Miu remembered thinking about how stupid their faces looked every time she saw it. All wrinkle lines and gaping mouths as they yanked students away from each other; their whole professorly set-up askew as they lost what remained of their dignity to their duty. She lacked respect for them. How could she even dare? After what they’d done when she’d been pushed down, when she’d been beaten on, when Kiibo had been the only person kind enough to come to her rescue… Who’s to say that she should have any respect for those teachers who so clearly didn’t care about anything but keeping their stupid jobs?

Hiroshi Obinata was the name of the boy they’d defended that day. The same boy who struck her. The same boy who ensured that Professor Idabashi had to deactivate Kiibo. Her hands curled into fists at the mere mention of his name, or the crossing image of his face in her mind. I should have beaten the shit out of you myself, Miu thought angrily, I should have shown you how strong I can be. 

But I didn’t.

Kiibo had to protect me. 

She swallowed hard. If she didn’t know any better, she’d have sworn that a rock lodged itself in her throat. That’s how difficult it felt to do something as stupidly simple as swallowing. Then again, most movements came to her in waves of discomfort after that day. After the first day, her shoulders seemed as if they had been wound tight; they were almost totally collapsed. The day after, air sucked itself from her lungs almost entirely. And the day that followed after that one, she erupted with sobs so strong that she vomited, and Kaede ran to her side to hold back her hair. And now she was at today, staring at Kiibo. At least, what used to be Kiibo.

If she were to be honest, she didn’t feel like she’d entirely left the day he struck her. Ever since it occurred, the memory played in her mind on an endless loop. Every waking hour she replayed the situation in her mind, wishing that she did something differently. In some versions, she pushed herself up off the stone path and socked Hiroshi in the jaw. In other versions, she stopped Kiibo before he could get out of hand. He was always so gentle; surely he would have listened to her if she’d just pressed him sooner. How could a boy that gentle be capable of what he did? 

Hiroshi had it coming, Miu thought bitterly. No matter how drastic the measures Kiibo had taken, Miu knew he deserved it. Nobody should get away talking the way he did. His every word hung in the air like fairy lights on a wall — if fairy lights were ugly and horrible, rather than charming and bright. Hiroshi was crude, he was crass, he spoke like he didn’t care who listened. He would throw out some far-fetched gossip here, insults against innocents there, and every once in awhile, he’d be sure to throw some slurs in… to take a stab at the school’s minority groups. Miu hated him from the moment she first heard his voice. She hated him from the moment she saw his face. She hated him from the moment he took a jab at Kiibo’s expense. 

Her defending Kiibo against Hiroshi melted into Kiibo defending her against Hiroshi. It would’ve been funny, she thought, if it weren’t so sad. Irony has always worked in strange ways. This time, it punched Miu in the face. Much like Hiroshi had.

The hit got her good, she would allow him that. A harsh, forceful punch that would easily bruise his knuckles and her face. Just the one hit, and he managed to draw blood. The sign of someone who knew what they were doing. Did he get into a lot of fights like this, she almost wondered aloud. It would certainly explain why the punch hit her less like a punch and more like a brick. Without even having to thrust his fist into her gut, he winded her. Without having to say a word, he humiliated her. She heard them all gasp in delight when she hit the courtyard’s path, going down like a bag of rice someone lobbed at the floor. Her chin collided with the path, and her voice squished out from her belly as she fell. Some of them snickered at the sight. Had the weather been any more cruel, she was certain he would have shoved her straight into a mud puddle. That’s how it always happened in the cheesy anime, right?

Instead of a mud puddle, she recalled how her nose acquainted itself with the smell of grass and dirt growing between the cracks in the old stone path. Copper coated her tongue when she licked her lips, and for a moment, she could hear nothing about the sounds of Hiroshi’s hollering and the hurled insults of all of the people who stood around them. 

“Look at the gorgeous girl genius now!”

“Quick, someone take pictures of the stupid slut!”

“Way to go, Obinata-kun!”

“It’s about time someone put her in her place.”

“Wow, isn’t that just so humiliating?”

“I bet she’ll cry. Just watch, she’ll start bawling. Did you see her after that Sato-san struck her? She wailed for hours!”

Fuck you. The words were right on the tip of her tongue, yet they refused to roll off. Fuck you, she chanted internally. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck all of you. I hate all of you. I hope you all fucking die in a big monster fire and makes you realize what fucky shitty people you all are. Fuck.

Tears pricked at her eyes, but god, she couldn’t let them see her cry. Not after what they said. Giving into it would only make them think they were right about her, and she would rather slit her throat on the spot than let that happen. She had to swallow her tears, and she had to get up. Get up. Get the fuck up. Get the fuck up, Miu!

The ragged stone scraped against the palms of her hands as she tried to push herself up. Tremors washed over her at the mere idea of having to face her offenders again. Not that she’d receive much of a chance, for the second she started to get up, Hiroshi’s boot connected with the back of her head and shoved her back down. He took extra care to mash her nose into the ground, just to humiliate her further. She was certain he’d insist that it was “for good measure”. Whatever that meant. Everyone knew she wouldn’t get up anyway. They weren’t exactly wrong when they suggested she might cry. The pressure had already built up in her throat, but she was loath to let it out. Keeping her grief at bay was the only thing on her mind — aside from the persisting wonder about where Kiibo was. Surely, Kiibo would come to save her, wouldn’t he? He always did, in moments like this… 

Why did he have to come?

Why did he have to get so... violent? So ferociously out of character? The memory of it all, it boggled her mind. The fact that sweet, gentle Kiibo could become such a menacing character when he wanted to be… it made her head spin. Then again, it probably made Hiroshi’s head spin, too. Looking back, Kiibo jacked him up way worse than what he had done to her. By the time a teacher came around to catch what was going on, Hiroshi was practically writhing around in pain. His once tanned skin had since become dotted with ugly hues of purple and green; in some places to the extent that it began to swell and puff up. Particularly around his eyes, she noted. Completely unashamed, she recalled how she relished in his misery. The poor asshole would barely be able to see for what could be weeks. Fitting pay back, she thought bitterly. The scarlet liquids gushing from his nose and lip felt fitting, too. By the time Kiibo was done, the blood on her face had begun to dry, but she could take some satisfaction in watching Hiroshi get a taste of his own acrid medicine. Her nose still hurt from when he mashed it against the pavement, after all. Of course, Kiibo did a lot more than just mash Hiroshi’s nose into the ground. He knocked the air out of his gut, left the nastiest bruise on his jaw — even threatened to blow his head off with a blaster should he ever come to hurt Miu again. Hiroshi was so terrified that he fell to the ground screaming about Miu being a psychopath, and how Kiibo was her sadistic little toy that helped her get off to other people’s torture. She wasn’t surprised in that moment that he still opted to take shots at them. Guys like him never did know when to quit. What did surprise her, though, was the way Kiibo reacted. 

“Shut up,” The words dripped off that mechanical tongue of his like venom, “Just shut up.”

Hiroshi flinched, but the students behind him continued the taunt, unwilling to see their leader lose. “What are you going to do if he doesn’t, Roboboy?”

Idiots. The word rested on her lips, but she didn’t dare utter it. Her situation came with enough risks already. She would prefer that the beatdown not return to her if she could avoid it… Not that she expected anything to get past Kiibo at this point. He kept flexing his fingers like he itched for more of a fight, and she wondered if Hiroshi would be getting out of this with greater injuries than the ones he already possessed. Miu couldn’t be certain that Kiibo would be willing to go easy on him, after all that she’d witnessed already. In fact, she felt more than certain that he wouldn’t, given what she saw already. Something inside of Kiibo had snapped — and not in the robotic way. 

She could see the change in his demeanour; that once friendly, smiling face twisting into an expression of rage she’d never seen from him before. His body actually shuddered. Before seeing him here, she wondered if robots could even shudder from fury and revulsion. Now she knew that this was a feature Professor Idabashi installed. For what, she didn’t know, but in retrospect, the presence of that function should have been a warning. 

Kiibo’s eyes could only narrow as he stared, almost blankly, at the boy on the ground. Though he tried to hide it, fear rattled Hiroshi’s bones. Miu recognized the sensation, and that feeling of aching bruises and blood dripping from seemingly every hole in his face. For a minute, she hoped that this might be a wake-up call for him about his actions, but she shook it off as soon as it came. People like Hiroshi could always be put into their place, but they would always have the benefit of popularity on their side. Their current situation came as proof of that. Even though Hiroshi had been reduced to the same scenario as Miu, the other students still rallied behind him. Pathetic. The word hung in her mind. People who had nothing real to stand for. 

Kiibo’s voice deepened as he stepped forward… like some kind of menace that Miu knew he wasn’t. What was even trying to prove? “Would you care to find out what I’ll do?” The question was practically spat through his gritted teeth, “Do you want to see what happens to people who beat down on people weaker than them?”

She swallowed. Words cut through Miu’s throat like the bone of a hunk of meat, her voice weakened as she called out to Kiibo. It took her by surprise, in all honesty. She hadn’t been expecting how raspy it sounded, or how willing it was for this to end. “Kiibo, don’t.” 

Recalling that he whipped around to stare at her didn’t feel like truth. Though she knew she didn’t fabricate it, his confusion and anger struck her as a false memory. Maybe it was because the whole incident was a blur, or perhaps it was the stunned and upset expression on his normally cheerful face. He wanted to keep fighting. “Why not? After what they did to you? I’m not going to stand by and let this keep happening.” 

Miu found the strength to do little more than reach up and wipe the scarlet stains off her face. God, she wished there was more she could do to convince him, but all she could do was try to force a phrase from her throat. She knew that couldn’t be enough. “Fucking hell, Kiibo, you’re not like this.”

She’d tried. Even with her feet knocked out from under her, all battered and bruised, tears wetting her lashes, she’d tried. If anyone were able to reason with him, she would be the one to do it. Everyone always said that the two of them had this unbreakable bond… Even Professor Idabashi, who had taken Miu aside, and thanked her for being such a good friend to him. Of course that had to be the memory that came back as she and the professor stared wordlessly at what remained of Kiibo.

Her tongue felt like cotton in her mouth. No matter how many times she stood in that spot, right next to the grieving professor, and replayed the incident… she could never figure out what to do. What she should have done, how she could have protected him. The only answer that snake-like voice in her head could offer was “be less of a coward”. But would even that have saved Kiibo from his fate? Or would it have just made it happen differently? 

She didn’t give herself the time to ask the question. She only sighed, slowly turning to the professor with tired, sad eyes. Admittedly, it stung, when he didn’t meet her gaze.

“Hey, um… professor?” 

God, she wished she didn’t have to talk. The sound of her own voice echoing against the lab’s chambers made her want to scream. Just hearing the sound of her own voice reminded her of what happened. Once upon a time, her voice rang out alongside Kiibo’s in the chambers, laughing together at some joke she’d made, or some human thing that Kiibo didn’t understand. Her voice wasn’t made to bounce around these chambers alone — Kiibo’s was always meant to accompany it, like they were performing a symphony. Only… the music wasn’t there anymore. Just the sound of Miu’s voice.

The professor’s face flashed a strobe light of emotions as he turned to look at Miu. There were so many that she couldn’t even be bothered to try and discern what each little twitch and twist in his face meant. Something like defeat, and grief, and anger, and all of those wretched feelings she knew too well. 

“Miss Iruma.” 

Her name dropped from his tongue so sadly that just the sound of his tired old voice made her want to bawl. Look at what you’ve done to him, the voice in her head sang, you’ve taken everything from him. 

“Sir?” 

It felt too formal in her mouth, but using anything else to refer to him wouldn’t feel half as appropriate. 

“I… I’m sorry that things turned out the way they did…” Professor Idabashi looked as if he were in physical pain as he tried to force the words from his mouth. Miu almost wanted to make him stop just so he wouldn’t hurt himself. “But I think you should know that… Kiibo cared about you a great deal. He didn’t blame you for what had to be done.”

He should have, that same voice screamed, she should have hated you and wanted you to die because you’re a horrible slutty bitch who just deserves to get fucked and die die die die die die die die die die-

Opening her mouth to answer him was a mistake. All that left her mouth was a pathetic sob, and for a minute she swore she wanted to do nothing more than melt into a puddle of heartbreak. She knew he wouldn’t blame her, but even so, hearing the words came as too much. Within an instant, tears poured over her and she just couldn’t control herself anymore. Her lip finally allowed itself to quiver. Her fists slowly but surely relaxed, and her hands flew to her face to wipe away her tears. And all Professor Idabashi could do was watch her with these horrifyingly hurt eyes, wishing more than anything that there was something he could do. All she could manage for herself was a nod to his statement, so she hardly believed that he could do anything to make it better. As much as everyone wanted to try, nothing could.

“Is there something I can do, Miss Iruma?” 

She didn’t deserve his kindness. Kiibo had been like a son to him. He loved him above everything else in the world. And Miu took that away from him. Her recklessness and cowardice took the one thing he truly felt he had in the world. Her lungs longed to scream at him for it; for daring to be kind to her when she didn’t deserve an ounce of respect. This was her fault! It was her fault and he should  be letting her know that it is her fault! 

As much as she tried, words refused to come. All she could do was lift her head up to look at the man, acutely aware of how awful she must have looked. All things considered, she found herself to be an ugly crier — with her, crying always came to a dripping nose and a crinkling chin and a crease in her brow. The only thing the nature of her tears did to give her an advantage was incite a higher degree of pity. She always seemed to look so pathetic that people around her would do just about anything to get her to stop with the tears. 

Unless of course, they were people like Hiroshi. Then they would just laugh. Like they did when they heard Kiibo would be deactivated.

“Would you perhaps like a moment alone?”

She shook her head furiously. “No…” She reached up to wipe some stray snot on her sleeve. Without even having to feel it, she knew it would be there within a matter of seconds. “Kiibo would want us to comfort each other.”

Professor Idabashi nodded. “Kiibo would want us to comfort each other.”

_______________________

Deactivated for a memory wipe.

It was a detail the professor left out. He hadn’t wanted Miu to get her hopes up once she knew that Kiibo could be rebooted. After all, without his memories, he wouldn’t be the same. The mind Professor Idabashi had so lovingly crafted for him would recall nothing of his experiences with the professor himself, let alone his various adventures with Miu. Apart from fundamental personality traits like his kindness and his pride over his abilities, nothing more would remain. He wouldn’t remember his hatred of vending machines, or his favourite concentration of volt charges, or the kinds of dirty jokes that made Miu’s laugh turn to something akin to a witch’s cackle. He wouldn’t remember the first time the professor held him in his arms, or the first time Miu told him she loved him. All of those memories would be stored away on the professor’s computer, and new ones would grow and take their place. And though it hurt, though it made them both want to scream, it had to be that way.

Still, Miu decided she wanted a place in the new memories anyway. In spite of the professor’s worries about her getting too excited, she begged him for the chance to be with Kiibo again. He tried and tried to warn her that he wouldn’t remember, and that she might only be going in to break her own heart over and over again. Refusal to listen on Miu’s part followed that statement. God, she didn’t care if Kiibo didn’t remember her. She just wanted to see him again. 

Winter came full force the day that dream came alive. Snow dusted every inch of the earth; the flakes fluttering down on the people like droplets of heaven from the sky. Miu couldn’t help but smile to herself as she watched the sight; her mind drawing back to Kiibo’s first experience with the snow. Professor Idabashi had taped it with an old camera and shown her the footage after Kiibo’s initial deactivation, and she still laughed to herself about it. His jaw hung open in shock, and his hands reached up desperately to try to catch the flakes. All the while, the professor’s deep, hearty laugh sounded around him as he watched his creation of life swipe at the snowflakes. That video was one of Miu’s favourite things.

How funny it was, that she thought of it while she walked to the lab, where she would only see it again. Bright as day, right in front of that old building, stood Professor Idabashi and Kiibo, mimicking the memory they’d caught years before. Like nothing had ever happened. Like the world had never stopped. The professor sat on an old rock, a paper cup of coffee in one hand as he watched Kiibo try to grab a flake out of the air. Kiibo rushed around him, desperately doing whatever he could to try and secure one. He was still so unaccustomed to his body and overall sentience that she caught him almost tripping over his own feet. She could hear his voice calling out to his father figure, asking him why the snowflakes were so good at evading him. She chuckled at his innocence, suddenly realizing how much she’d missed it.

“Having a bit of trouble there, Keebs?”

The phrase and accompanying endearment slipped out before she could think to stop it. She cringed immediately. Perhaps this was what the professor meant by having trouble moving on. Oh well. The damage had been done. Kiibo had already turned to look at her like she had three heads, wondering how on earth she knew his name. Or, rather, his not-name. 

She did what she could to shake it off, stepping forward. “I guess you don’t remember me, huh?” She joked, tossing some of her blonde hair over her shoulder dramatically, “Not that I’m entirely surprised.”

Kiibo did little more than swallow, glancing back at the professor, who nodded him forward in encouragement. A signal that it was okay to talk to her. That she didn’t bite. Miu wished she could have thanked him for that in some way. “What’s your name?”

She could have laughed at how small his voice was. He always used to talk to her like that when they first met. He later confessed it was because he felt intimidated by how pretty she was. How funny that it should come to fruition once again, when he saw her for the first time a second time. 

“I’m Iruma Miu-san, the gorgeous girl genius. You and I are best friends.”

Slowly, a smile began to creep across Kiibo’s face. She half-expected it to be sad, but… it wasn’t. In a way, it struck her as almost knowing. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Ouch. She swore she felt her heart break in two, but she couldn’t risk breaking up appearances now. She’d probably freak him out if she showed how much that hurt anyway. Instead, she cocked a hip and raised a brow, speaking to him once again, “Oh, really?”

He nodded without a moment’s hesitation. “I know I don’t remember who you are. Professor Idabashi told me that I lost all of my memories, and I won’t know some of the people who try to talk to me.” In spite of the harshness of his words, Miu couldn’t help but notice how his cheerful smile seemed to stay. Did the lost memories really not bother him at all? “But I know what I feel about the people when I see them.”

Miu’s entire chest tightened at his words. Even with the cold air nipping at her cheeks and nose, heat pricked at them. Without even hearing what he had to say next, her body was already preparing to succumb to tears. Please, she begged internally, please let him remember something of me.

“And Miss Iruma-san, forgive me for being so forward, but…” He giggled softly, “I know that I feel we’re more than just best friends. I remember, somewhere deep down that I… that I really love you.”

Here come the waterworks, Miu thought as tears sprung to her eyes. She didn’t have it in her to fight them off, and instead embraced them, smiling softly to herself. “I really love you too, Keebs.”

#Dangan Ronpa #dangaronpa v3 #kiiruma #k1-b0 #miu iruma #kaede akamatsu #Koto's 100 Followers Gifts #danganronpa

[danganronpa-21]

B1 with komahina?

All Hajime wants to do is take a nap. Nagito intends to make sure that doesn’t happen.

___________

For Hajime Hinata, living on Jabberwock Island was regularly a test to his patience.

In defence of everyone else, though, he did do this to himself. Technically people wouldn’t have really noticed too much if he just went back out into the real world and started calling himself by Hajime Hinata, because hey, he only looks suspiciously like Izuru Kamakura. There was no proof that the two were the same person, right?

At least, that’s what the others told themselves, for the sake of justifying Hajime’s decision to stay with them. Really, they didn’t know why he chose to stay, especially when he seemed so overwhelmed with them sometimes. It seemed like every day he’d get caught up in one of Kazuichi’s hare-brained schemes, or get looped in to doing Hiyoko’s dirty work. And if he wasn’t serving and spending time with the other members of the island, he was usually being exasperated by what they did when he wasn’t around. On Jabberwock Island, you only made the mistake of doing something Hajime disapproved of once or twice a week. Otherwise, Mikan would start to fear for his blood pressure. And you’d start to wonder if he might really up and leave someday. Sometimes the other islanders would wonder if Hajime might leave, if it weren’t for his boyfriend. Well, that was more something that they joked about. They knew deep down that Hajime loved and cared for them. His relationship with Nagito, the most chaotic person on the island and the biggest test to his patience, would be proof enough of that.

And of course this particular day was no exception. No, he could not have one moment’s peace, so long as Nagito was around. After being put through a long day of anonymous charity work for Future Foundation, all Hajime had wanted to do was take a nap in his cottage. Considering all of the work he’d put in for the foundation, he figured he deserved it. To just curl up in his bed, with a plush pillow under his head and a soft blanket draped over his body… to sleep and sleep until he felt like he’d recovered from the poor sleep he’d had the night prior. That had been his ambition for the day; one that seemed like a foolproof plan. Except for, of course, one tiny problem:

He couldn’t find any pillows.

None!

The moment the realization dawned on him, he didn’t even bother fighting off the groan that tried to escape his lips. His eyes scoured the room desperately in search of at least something, a throw pillow, a neck pillow, a memory foam one… He couldn’t have cared less. He didn’t even care what pillow it was! It could have been one of Ryota’s creepy anime body pillows for all he cared! He just wanted somewhere soft to rest his head. Somewhere soft, and squishy, and comforting… Somewhere that would let him drift off so much easier than the old mattress that sat on his bed. Though he slept on it every night, he never cared much to think about where it came from. He was almost certain that it had been dug out from somewhere unmentionable. He was technically a prisoner, after all. They wouldn’t exactly be sparing him many comforts.

But damn it, at least they had the decency to give him a pillow! A pillow that someone had so rudely stolen. It had been there earlier in the morning after he woke up! What kind of jerk steals a pillow, Hajime grumbled to himself. All of the others should have pillows anyway, there isn’t anyone who should need more. And if they did, it would be a simple matter of asking the foundation for more. Clearly, whoever had stolen Hajime’s pillow was out to get him. That was the only logical explanation. Whoever they were, he was going to make them understand just how wrong it was to steal another man’s pillow, and he could be certain that they were really going to get it. It was just plain wrong to interfere with someone else’s nap like that! They were going to pay, no matter who they were.

Something Hajime had to tell himself twice, as deep down, he knew the pillow thief was probably Nagito.

Now, to be fair, he sort of did tend to assume that everything that went wrong was Nagito’s fault. Not because he didn’t love Nagito — the two had been dating for almost a year now — but because he tended to be a little bit of a troublemaker. While the foundation had done a successful job in getting him some treatment for his more… unusual tendencies (such as his confusing desire to construct bombs on the regular), he still held a tendency to be a bit of a prankster. Especially to Hajime, who he claimed was “obliged to put up with him” on account of their courtship… which was sort of true. But if he were being completely honest, Hajime sort of liked all of Nagito’s little pranks. He always found that there was something charming about his boyfriend’s fit of cute giggles when he was being mischievous. Like his whole face lit up with this sort of glee that he didn’t always show otherwise. After all, Nagito did spend more time than what was healthy talking about what a pathetic person he was. So those moments where he could see his expression twist into one of merriment, where there was little worry on his mind, they meant the world to him. 

However, just because he loved him didn’t mean that he would get away with being a pillow thief. As nice as it was to help people, Hajime dreamt of this nap all afternoon. So whether or not Nagito was cute when he played pranks or not became irrelevant. He fully intended to get his pillow back, and take the nap of the century… whether Nagito liked it or not. He didn’t get a say in the matter.

_________________

Nagito knew he had a say in the matter.

As captor of all of the island’s pillows, truthfully, Nagito did manage to get a lot of say in how these things played out. 

In his defence, his pillow thievery wasn’t to torture his boyfriend. Oh no, quite the opposite. Knowing that Hajime would have probably had a long, hard day, Nagito just wanted to do whatever would allow his partner the opportunity to just relax for once. So he stole his pillows, as well as the pillows of everybody else on the island. Which sounds like something a jerk would do, but he hadn’t done it with the intent to hurt anyone. He did it with the intent to make Hajime happy. He did it with the intent to build his boyfriend the pillow fort of his dreams.

If he were allowed to toot his own horn he would confess that his fort was starting to look pretty darn good. It had seen a sturdy construction, a cheerful decoration, and a meticulous refinement from the inside out. He’d managed to use everyone’s pillows in such a way that would compliment the structure, and keep it from tumbling down with the two inside. Akane and Nekomaru’s pillows were used for the outer walls; they preferred flatter pillows on firmer mattresses, so they were better for support. He’d tossed in Mahiru and Ibuki’s pillows on the outside, too, for the sake of adding a little colour. The two of them had such exciting pillowcases, he’d remarked, his eyes dancing over the green plaid and splashes of neon colours. Such fun reflections of the girls’ personalities! His own pillows were supportive pieces to the ensemble, just as boring as basic as he found himself. But hey, at least they gave support to what spaces needed it. He figured that they should carry the brunt of the weight, so that the more exciting pillows could shine just like their owners did. 

Hajime’s pillows were kept on the inside. They would probably find the best use in there. He found it funny how alike they were to Hiyoko’s or Fuyuhiko’s… all soft and plush, smelling like clean bedsheets and ocean breeze. He couldn’t help but sigh as he breathed in the scent — Hajime always smelled like that. Always smelled like a peaceful calm that Nagito had never known. He couldn’t help but relish it. Just like he hoped Hajime would, when he came in and discovered this pillow fort of solitude. 

The fort was close to completion. All decked out in pink fairy lights and “borrowed” bed sheets, with everyone’s pillows all around to support it… Just a pillow or two more and he could start making the hot chocolate he’d been planning on brewing. Actually, should he do hot chocolate? Jabberwock Island was already hot enough on its own, especially considering it was the middle of the summer. It certainly didn’t help that Hajime was also the hasty type. He’d probably get so excited about having something nice done for him that he’d burn his tongue within the first four seconds. Maybe a different beverage would be the superior choice.Would lemonade be a suitable option? He stopped to ponder the thought. Lemonade was cold and refreshing. He was pretty good at making it, too. His luck always allowed him the perfect combination of sour and sweet, but he usually ended up spilling some of it. He’d need to ask someone else for help with delivering it to the fort, to avoid that unfortunate course of action. But who would be a good choice for that…? Most of the others were busy. Perhaps he could ask Peko, he thought. She had been kind enough to lend him a hand a couple times as of late, when she wasn’t trailing after her new group of friends. If he did decide on lemonade, she’d be the first person he called over.

He supposed he’d need to get access to Hajime’s  laptop somehow, too. Being one of the survivors of the simulated killing game, he received certain privileges that the others did not. One of such privileges was his personal laptop, which he was technically expected to use for work rather than personal leisure. It was a producer of documents and phone calls to mainland (usually to Makoto Naegi, who kept in contact despite his resignation). In this case, though, Nagito hoped for it to be a producer of movies. As a reward for good behaviour, he’d managed to get a couple of movie discs to watch. He and Hajime would use them from time to time when they were bored, but since they actually had this whole set-up now, he figured that there would be no better time to use them. Thankfully, his boyfriend’s laptop would probably be where he expected it to be, in his cabin. He often took it home after doing the day’s work, so Nagito thought perhaps he could beat him back to grab it.

Underline word here being “thought”. A familiar pounding at the door silenced that thought almost just as soon as it was born.

“Hmm?” The former lucky student mumbled, lifting his head from his pillow fortress of extreme joy. Though he knew it was exactly who he thought it would be, he still felt inclined to call out. “Hajime, is that you?”

The answer from the other side of the door was sharp and blunt. An even further proof of what Nagito already knew. “Yes,” He snapped, “I’m sure you know why I’m here.”

Because your pillow is gone, Nagito thought to say, but he didn’t utter them. Instead, he chose to plod up to the door and open it, being greeted by Hajime’s unchecked exasperation. His brows had lowered over his hazel eyes, and though he tried to hide it, Nagito could see that the other man’s jaw was clenched. His lips were even curved downward, a displeased frown apparent on his typically neutral face. It was unlike Hajime to frown quite so intensely. If he had been more vain, he might have worried about frown lines, with the way he was scowling. I must have gotten him bad this time, Nagito thought. 

“Quit stealing all of the pillows!” 

He blinked in surprise, caught off guard by the outburst. What a drama queen, he snickered to himself. He couldn’t help but melt into a relaxed smile at the other’s frustration, mostly on account of the fact that he knew it was flimsy. That grouch wouldn’t last three minutes against Nagito’s pillow fort of love and happiness.  “Hello to you too, Hajime.” 

“Don’t give me that!” He threw his arms up in the air dramatically for a second, following promptly by folding them across his chest. The chest that he’d puffed up a bit, Nagito noted, to show that he meant business. Still, he could barely believe it. He could act big, but everyone knew he was a teddy bear on the inside. “You know exactly what you did, at least own up to it when I confront you.”

Could he take this further? Seeing how sour Hajime was, he kind of wanted to. His ability to push all of the right buttons just made him think about how perfect they were for each other. If he couldn’t mess with him in this way, he might have worried that they weren’t meant to be. It was good that he could tug on his lover’s leg.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

Hajime’s eyes narrowed. “Bullshit!” He gestured to the area behind Nagito, which did, in fact, make all of the stolen pillows incredibly visible. He almost snorted at the mental image of how this whole thing probably looked. The only thing that kept him from doing it was the want to push things further.

So he pretended not to see them. “What are you getting so worked up about? Tough day?”

“Yes,” The other party answered, his scowl slowly transitioning into a childish pout, “I’ve had a long day and I’m exhausted, Nagito, so I just want my pillow. I just want to relax.”

Nagito let out a cheerful hum. “That’s why I stole it.”

“Seriously? You would steal my pillow when I’m tired just to antagonize me?”

He couldn’t help but laugh at his partner, bopping him playfully on the nose. “You’re silly, you know that? Of course I’m not doing it to antagonize you,” He moved aside, gesturing towards the fortress, “I’m trying to help you, see?”

It was almost funny how quickly Hajime cycled through expressions when he caught wind of what Nagito had actually done. At first there were the parted lips and double take of surprise, then the flushed cheeks and the rubbing of his neck, and then finally the bright eyes and warm smile of admiration. That was all it took for Nagito to know that he’d done incredibly well. I wonder if he’s all that embarrassed, he wondered internally, having accused me of toying with him when all I wanted to do was help.

When he finally spoke, his voice came out soft. “You… built me a pillow fort?” So soft that Nagito had barely caught it, amongst the roar of the waves and the cries of island birds. “So I could relax…?”

He nodded, sticking his tongue out at his boyfriend playfully. Sure, he didn’t want him to feel bad about how he’d reacted, considering it was justified. But he definitely did want to tease him about it, just a little. “Yep! I was thinking we could do like, a movie night or something. I was just going to see if I could sneak in and grab your laptop.”

If Hajime hadn’t been embarrassed before, he was now. Nagito could see it in the way that he averted his gaze, turning his head more towards the ground. He never did like to admit too much when he’d made a mistake.

“Are you going to say sorry, now?” 

“Sorry.” 

“Sorry for?” He pressed further, bouncing on the heels of his feet. 

“Sorry for getting all high-strung about the pillow thing… You were just trying to do something nice for me.”

Nagito couldn’t help but giggle, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Hajime’s cheek. He swore he could feel the other man’s face heat up at the action, still unaccustomed to such affections somehow. The fact that he would still blush madly despite their almost year of dating only made him giggle more. 

“It’s okay. I know what you’re like when you’re sleepy. Now what do you say we go get your laptop and some lemonade, and settle into our pillow fort?” 

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Hajime replied, giving a cheeky wink, “Maybe we can even sneak a couple of cookies out, too. Mahiru was in the kitchen baking some last I checked.”

“Ooh! I like the way you think, Hajime!”

#if this doesn't have a read more im sorry #i keep trying to add one and it wont let me #Super Danganronpa 2 #danganronpa #komahina #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #Koto's 100 Followers Gifts

[danganronpa-21]

Hello! First let me say that it’s been awhile since we last spoke and sorry but life right. Second, congratz on the # of followers! So as to what you can do for the special event I have two ideas. 1. Sprite edit scenes, example would be the fan kids doing something with their friends or parents, like Koichi and Seiko are having a sibiling argument and Makoto being peacekeeper. 2nd writing prompts would be cool, could give excuse to finish last 2 prompts from Naegiri week 2018?

Hello!! And no worries, life absolutely does get in the way. It’s good to hear from you!! Thanks for your congratulations, and of course for your ideas. They’re much appreciated.

For the idea of sprite scenes, I do have a question or two. Would we be thinking like I put writing into the form of scenes, almost as if a scene would play out as an actual light novel? Or would we be thinking a bit more like the incorrect quotes blogs? Either way, I think it’d be really fun, it’d just be something that could be intensive for creation’s sake. Editing the characters themselves is a pretty fast process, but the backgrounds can be a bit more of a kicker. But hey, writing’s pretty intensive too, so you never know!

Writing prompts is also an idea I like! I think if I do this one, I think I’ll have to figure out whether one word prompts Naegiri Week-style is better, or if dialogue prompts should be done. Either way, this one I’m on board with, but once again could take time. The next two weeks are busy school-wise, but I do have the 17th to the 21st off, so I don’t think it’s unrealistic to assume that I can squeeze writing in. It all depends on everyone’s preferences, I suppose!

But as for the Naegiri Week 2018 prompts, yes, you make a good point there. Especially as the one person who knows what those last two prompts were going to be, had I actually finished them, lol. Regardless of what I choose to do to celebrate, I might just choose to post those as a special treat.

#Danganronpa 21 #Koto's 100 Followers Gifts

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