#So I thought I'd share my findings w the world you are welcome i am so tired goodnight. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mydaroga · 2 years

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Hello! I had some thoughts on your post about fandom behavior. First of all, the scold-posting/vague-posting is totally something I've noticed as well and I do find it irritating. Unfortunately, I think there is always going to be a strong undercurrent of bitchiness in this fandom for few reasons:

Beatle fans have always been extremely tribal and decades of divisive media narratives have only caused this kind of behavior to become more entrenched. Add this dynamic to already tribal nature of online spaces and it's very easy for the vibe to turn toxic.

Everyone uses tumblr for different reasons so all of our different goals/agendas/preferences will never align. And since this is such a passionate fandom it's easy for us to get swept up in our feelings and forget that even though we all have a common thread that ties us together we are not all here for the same purpose.

There is a wide range of ages involved in the fandom so there is going to be a wide range of reactions to posts, people, behaviors, themes etc, based on where everyone is on this journey we call life.

All of this to say… yes, in a perfect world this could be a positive, encouraging community where together we could all celebrate our favorites, learn new things, and engage in thoughtful discussion. However, I just don't see that as a viable possibility due to the nature of the subject matter. I think the best we can do is try to curate our tumblr experience to meet our goals and preferences and just accept that there will be others out there that don’t like what we have to say. So if you want your blog to be a place where open discussion is welcome then lead by example and make it clear that is you're here for (which I think you’ve done a great job with btw). But don't waste your time trying to win the hearts and minds of people who are just here to be condescending or spread negativity or who simply have an agenda that diverges from what you're trying to do. If they're not adding anything useful to the conversation then just ignore them. Just let them pass by you and keep doing your thing. Eventually you will find your happy place. <3

ps. I say this with love and as someone who wants you to have the best fandom experience you can have, so I hope this doesn't come across as me trying to dismiss your concerns. I also struggle sometimes to not take things personally, or wonder where I fit in or who "my people" are, so all of this is just me sharing some thoughts on how I've navigated these issues.

pps. feel free not to repost, thoughts can just be for you

Thanks so much for your viewpoint. I am going to post this, because I do think it contributes to the conversation and you make a lot of important points. I don't fully agree with all of them, or with the foregone conclusion that all Beatles fandoms are going to be toxic (I know some that are NOTHING like this actually), but I do think curating your own experience and carving out a little world for yourself is super important. I *do* think I already mentioned that it's more difficult here because of the tiny size of the fandom, and one other thing:

Tumblr is notoriously bad for community, which was sort of initially the point, and the way it is structured makes it far less easy to just ignore the things that bother you, because once you post you have no control and what posts you see are only marginally controlled by you. I think that is far more of a factor than the age of participants or the subject matter. Lots of Beatles fans get along just fine, and I don't see any patterns here in terms of the ages I know about. But I do think that the way tumblr encourages a specific type of gotcha! engagement, discourages actual threaded discussion, and makes interaction a crapshoot is a huge part of this. (So I suppose the advice to me is: get off Tumblr! Which I did. For over ten years. If DW was still a thing I'd be there. But I also think that what I have found here is worth it.)

I also just wanted to point out that while your advice is appreciated, my post was actually in response to a question I got, in reference to my reply to another tumblr user's concerns about the fandom. My intent was not to log a complaint on my own behalf, but to clarify my observations when prompted. I appreciate people being willing to voice those concerns and while I doubt it will lead to any actual change, there's always a chance that recognizing something will lead people to be more mindful of it so I wanted to validate that conversation. At the same time, I also think your experience and navigation of this are useful for myself and possibly other people, so thank you for taking the time and care! I really appreciate you wanting me to have a good experience! I want as many people as possible to, as well!

#thanks nonnny!#hope it's ok I *did* repost #we're all out here trying to have a good time #but sometimes that can stand a little light shone in #the ask box #anon asks #kris talks a lot

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iwalc · 3 years

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Take me home

Hi people! I hope you are all well! Here is a something I've worked on for a while. Uhm, I realise now that I have never posted anything I've written on here before, so I am a little nervouse, ngl. I've been into a horrible writersblock for over a year now and this is the firt piece I've even been able to finish, which also makes me kind of nervouse. Either way, here it is. I hope you'll like it, and if you do, pls let me know.

Wordcount: around 2500.

I haven't really proofread anything, so if there are anything that's a bit off, then I apologise.

Damn it. I lost. Again. Here I am pissed drunk in a bar, far away from home. Or... what's supposed to be my home. Anger, love, confusion, roads that lead nowhere. As to lately, I don't know what has gotten into me. We all know life's a rollercoaster, ups and downs, downs and ups. This time I wasn't prepared. I've hit the ground. Hard. Everything happened so fast.

Almost a year ago I moved from home. It was sudden but necessary. I got into college in London and saw my opportunity to leave my abusive household. For years the mental abuse had just gradually gotten worse. Although I love my parents to bits, it was not a healthy surrounding and I needed a new perspective. I moved into a small apartment a few minutes from my college. The apartment wasn't really luxurious. But what could I expect with rent that cheap. It was alright. For me at least. Soon after the move classes started. The first few days were rough. A lot of new things, new people, new surroundings and I was all alone. You see, I am not a fan of new things. I'd rather be stuck with everything the same than have the winds of change knock everything I know to pieces. That's what I soon noticed. I didn't recognise anything anymore. Everything was to pieces. I've never felt so lost or scared.

After a while, these strange feelings of insecurity and fear decreased a bit. I started seeing people from my classes. We went to lunches, studied, went out on the weekends. For the first time in a long while it felt like my life was starting to get better. I felt alive, not only like I was just existing. I felt normal. I lived in a large city, in a tiny apartment, barely being able to pay rent, eating fish sticks and whatever else cheap food that Tesco happened to sell out, spending all money on weekends clubbing, listening to bands, laughing, getting shitfaced, having the time of my life.

On one of these nights, I met someone. Someone that would change my life drastically, and thank god it was for the better. It was an ordinary weekend. Me and the girls got ready for a night out, as usual. Only this time we were to meet Angela's boyfriend and his friends. Everyone was crazy excited. I tried to be, but as we have stated before, I'm not doing very well with breaking routines or new things, hence my increasing anxiety. To cut the chase, Angela's boyfriend had nice friends. Especially one of them. Brian. I don't really know what drew me to him. He just seemed so calm and safe. Somewhat on my level. The others, Angela, Jessica and Amanda, were all outgoing girls, finding it easy to talk and meet new people, having no trouble being in the centre of attention. I did not enjoy those types of things. I enjoyed letting others being in the centre of attention and them leading the way. I thrive in the shadows of other people and Brian seemed to be the same way. He was the quiet one, the one in the shadows. But he didn't seem shy. He sat comfortably in the booth, a beer in his hand, listening in to the conversations, taking part in them whenever it was needed. He seemed so calm, safe, secure. Something I craved. He was tall, green, welcoming eyes. Angela sat down beside her boyfriend, Roger, a blonde, seemingly handsome guy. Jessica was called over to Freddie, a dark-haired man, seemingly not afraid to stand in the centre of attention, he was very authentic and expressive. At first, I'd say he'd be a bitch, but he was so nice and welcoming. Such a sweetheart. Amanda sat down between Jessica and John and they got carried away with their conversation pretty quickly.

Me being me, trying to read the room, the new people, anxiously stood there, at the end of the table. My anxiety started to peak at this uncomfortable social situation. I had no idea what to do. I froze. The others seemed engulfed in their conversations and bonding and hadn't noticed my uncomfortable state. But Brian did. He seemed to understand and saw my anxiety. It was amazing how he just knew how to deal with it without scaring me off more. He redirected his attention towards where I stood. He calmly called my name. His voice. I've never ever felt more secure. After a few calls, and his hand gracing mine, I zoned in again and once again became aware of my surroundings. His touch. Warm. Soft. Peaceful. "Hey" he said softly, "would you like to sit down?" he asked as he carefully for a second took a hold of my hand, with me not showing any sign of uncomfort, he carefully guided me to sit down beside him, a soft smile gracing his lips. "I'm so sorry for zoning out like that, thank you" I quietly whispered. He once again took a soft hold of my hand, smiling, "Don't apologise, I understand". Something told me he did understand.

And ever since we met that night, at a pub in Kensington, he has made me feel at home. Safe. Comfortable. My pieces were glued together again. Brian was my everything. He still is. The last few months with him has been filled with such happiness and security I never ever thought I'd experience. I love him to bits. He understands me and my needs like no other. He knows how to take care of my anxiety attacks. He knows how to help me relax. He is my rock in a stormy ocean.

Until today. Earlier today, the pieces he glued together, fell apart, again. Today we moved in together. We figured it would help with our economic situation since we were both students. I mean, we love each other so why not. Well. This is why. I am once again falling apart. My pieces are flying away. I couldn't handle one more change. I've broken up with my family, moved away from home, started college, all in the period of 6 months. It was too much. And now this. I love him. But my world has been picked apart once more.

The whole day I've been feeling my anxiety increasing. Usually, Brian notices or I feel comfortable telling him, but this time I noticed how excited he was, I didn't want to hurt him with my bullshit. It's horrible feeling yourself falling apart but not be able to do anything about it. It was 7 pm and Brian was unpacking things in the living room while I sat on the sofa trying not to lose it. He kept talking about how happy he was and how this was a dream of his. How excited he was to share his life with me, to love me. All the while he was so happy babbling away, I was freaking out. To say the least.

My anxiety kept increasing and now I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt my breathing quickening, my hands and legs started to shake and tears started to stream down my eyes. I couldn't do this. What have I done? "Love? What do you think hanging this here?" Brian asked excitedly holding up a poster on the wall. I couldn't breathe. "Love?" Brian asked before he turned around. My knees were up to my chin, hands holding them in place, rocking back and forth, tears streaming down my eyes. Brian was shocked to see me in this state of mind but wasted no time. He hurried up to me on the sofa. He sat down on his knees in front of me, his hands on my cheeks. "Love, look at me" he pleaded with a calm voice. "Love" he said, more firmly this time. "Shh you're okay, love, I got you" he said as I lifted my head to look at him. I was frightened. His beautiful, angelic face that earlier always brought me peace and comfort were now triggering my anxiety. I ran. I ran out of the apartment, down the staircase and out of the building. Before leaving the building I heard Brian calling my name, running after me.

That's where I am right now. I ran to a pub, the pub we met at. I'm drunk. Anger, love, confusion, roads that lead nowhere. As to lately, I don't know what has gotten into me. We all know life's a rollercoaster, ups and downs, downs and ups. This time I wasn't prepared. I've hit the ground. Hard. Everything happened so fast. Wrapped up so consumed by all this confusion. With every thought I down a beer. "Could I get another one pls?" I slurred to the bartender. But no. No way I was going to drink more tonight. I don't know if it was intentional or not to go to the only pub in London where I'm recognisable since we go there all the time. Maybe I wanted to be found. The bartender declined and then went through a doorway to the kitchen. I heard him talking on the phone. He was talking about me. More than that I couldn't recognise and soon after my head hit the table and I was out.

I woke up in a bed. It took some time to locate where I was, but soon I noticed I was in our apartment. My head was killing me along with the anxiety and guilt. What the hell happened. I had no idea.

Soon enough Brian entered the room. I couldn't do anything. I barely dared to look at him. He looked exhausted. And there was something else, it shocked me that I couldn't decipher what it was.

"Hi" he calmly said as he strode to my side of the bed and set down a glass of water and aspirin.

"Hi" I vaguely answered.

The silence took over the room. I barely dared to move but did to take my aspirin and drink some well-needed water. Not letting my eyes of Brian, I watched as his tall body sat down on the side of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" he calmly asked as his hand strode closer to me but he didn't dare to touch me, probably confused by my signals yesterday.

I met him halfway and took a hold of his large and warm hand. As soon as he felt my hand on his he held mine tighter and let out a breath I didn't know he was holding.

"I don't know how to answer that" you answered honestly.

Brian hummed and stroked my hand with his thumb, looking at our locked hands.

"You scared me" he whispered. Tears threatening to leave his eyes.

That hurt.

"I'm so sorry" I panicked and sat up, only to regret it as my head almost pounded you dead. "Ow," I winced as my free hand went to hold my forehead.

"Careful" Brian voiced as calmly as ever. His eyes scanned around the room, trying to muster the courage for what he was to say next. He cleared his throat. "Can we talk about what happened?" he almost whispered, taking my hand in both of his, stroking it with his thumbs.

Of course, he wants to talk about it. There is nothing strange about that. However, I rather not. What am I supposed to say? That I panicked, that his face suddenly made me uneasy? That... I don't know. Suddenly I felt his hand upon my cheek. I must've zoned out.

"hey, it's alright"

I let out a loud sigh, catching Brians attention. "Brian, it is not alright. I'm a mess. What I did wasn't alright." Tears were now streaming down my cheeks. Burning like fire. Brians weight shifted as he crawled onto the bed, laying down behind me, embracing me like never before. His arms around my aching stomach and my arms. His leg over mine. His chin in the crook of my neck, whispering calming sentences while my tears shook my body. His body warming mine. It's always so calming.

How can I be so damn lucky? I ran away from home, from my love, I got piss drunk at a pub, and still, he took me home, taking care of me, holding me, loving me like no other. It's suffocating in the best way.

The tears calmed down. "Brian, I want to come home", I sniffed, crampingly grabbing onto his large, warm hand. "I'm hurting. I'm so lost. Confused. Angry." the tears were now rapidly streaming down my face again as I poured my aching heart out. "I really had to get away from home to live my life, to get better. When I first got here I felt cheated. It was so hard and I've never been worse my whole life. I've never felt more alone, left out, beaten up." I kept rambling on. "I know, love, I know." Brian cooed into my neck, stroking my arm. "But you don't Brian. I can't seem to find my way home. I'm so lost." I said as tears wrecked my body. Brian, holding me, securing me, hushing me, whispering sweet things. "I don't even know how you put up with me. I'm so broken. I came to you with a broken faith, and you gave me more than a hand to hold." The first time I voiced my fear and insecurity about how Brian feel about me. I'm so scared he'll leave me. He's all I've got. "Love, shh, It's ok. Hey, listen to me." he started as he turned me so I could look at him. "I understand that you feel like you're lost, I really do. Everything you've ever known has changed in less than a year. Space will eventually make it better, time will make it heal, and soon enough you won't feel like you're haunted. You won't be lost forever!" He praised as his hand stroked my cheek. Emphasizing the last sentence. I won't be lost forever.

"I'm so scared Brian"

"I know baby" he embraced me, "I know."

"I need you, Brian, don't leave me please, you're all I've got." I cried into his chest.

"Baby I won't. I never could. I love you! I will hold you. I will take you home. I'll be here every step of the way. I'll be your home." He said as my body once more broke down in tears.

I know there must be somewhere better because he always takes me there. Maybe I've found my home. I think he's my home.

#brian may #brian may angst #brian may x reader #brian may imagine #brian may x reader fluff #brian may fluff #take me home

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infinnitethejackal · 6 years

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Hey Finn, do you think you could teach me about what kin is? It sounds really intriguing and I think I'd enjoy learning about it :O

aaa, sure thing dude!! i’m not the best teacher in the world ngl lmao but like, i can at least attempt to do so! first off, i’ll preface that kin views, feelings and experiences can vary from person to person, so my own word shouldn’t be taken as all there is to being kin. i’m also gonna drop a couple of links before i get onto my own ramblings on the topic for additional information / more input!the otherkin wiki could be a good place to start poking around as there are multiple pages for different types of kin and other nifty stuff! treat it like an info hub! for example, check here for a brief run-down on fictionkin - my type!below a read-more here are then my own ramblings on Kin Stuff™ for you and anyone else who may be interested :0c

ok, here we go! to begin with, as you heard me mention above the cut, there’s different types of kin - many actually - but they all still boil down to bigger categories for the most part - at least from what i’ve observed! otherkin is likely the most common term you’ll hear above all, and, again from my own observation so take with a grain of salt or w/e, is kinda treated as an umbrella / core term that links into everything else in some way or another?? for example, fictionkin are considered part of the otherkin community, stuff like that. idk it’s hard to explain hhHHHH moving on!!since i’m fictionkin myself, i’m gonna assume that’s the kind of kin you’re mostly asking about here, but like if you do mean a broader range, then fear not cause most things that i’ll try to cover such as memories of being who/what you kin or phantom sensations and all that jazz can still apply anyways.so! fictionkin is kinda… well, i guess the core of it is that it’s where you’re very deeply connected with a character, to the point where you just feel you are them, you identify as them. you just… have this strong feeling, this sense of “i am _” and it’s kinda hard for me to describe personally. most fictionkin such as myself believe in multiverse and past lives; there could very well be universes where these characters are or were real, and when they pass on, they move into another, taking a new form in doing so. it can be a spiritual thing, that kinda deal you know? different body, same soul? idk? but as i said earlier, this all still may vary from person to person; not everyone in the world has the same beliefs. to a lot of non-kin ppl, the whole thing probably sounds a bit bananas, identifying as a fictional character and whatnot. theres uh. a fair bit of hate for us out there lmaobrushing up more on the previous life stuff, some ppl actually have very in-depth and vivid memories of their life as the character they kin with and it’s really interesting!! they can be triggered by things relating to their character, or sometimes come in dreams. others may lack them, but whether you do or don’t get kin memories doesn’t make you more or less valid as kin. in some cases, ppl also share memories! that’s often referred to as being canonmates - taking into account how their memories line up so well, two or more ppl may believe they came from the same “canon” / timeline / universe as each other. also included in this topic is canon-divergence! a canon-divergent kin is where someone may have memories that conflict with some source material of the game/book/movie/etc.to pitch in my own example of the above kind of things, while i’m still not sure if it’s truly a memory yet as it’s my first experience trying to identify one, i have this extremely specific image that’s always dwelled in the back of my mind. it’s me as infinite, pre-forces, lounging in a big ol’ chill dogpile with the rest of the jackal squad. we’re in a desert, but nearby an oasis or smth i think? and for once i’m letting my guard drop?? they’re teasing me about how i’m going soft, but i don’t bother denying it and we all just cherish the moment of peace for once. i just… have such strong feelings attached to it, it’s stuck with me so long and it feels like something that may have happened. other things i feel fairly sure of are my old name being finn (hence why i use it now), and at some point (likely post-forces / post redemption of some kind?) i had a strong positive connection with gadget despite him not even being truly canon nor a friend of infinite at all.i’m wracking my brain for other stuff to mention, and more things related to kins can also be experiencing phantom pains of injuries received in their past life or just like, general sensations induced by kin related stuff. as a sensation example, again using just my own personal experience, one of the earliest times i can remember that i heard the phantom ruby sound effect in clear quality, i had a… kind like a sudden, tingly rush in the centre of my chest from what i recall? and there was this sense of discomfort i guess, yet also familiarity sorta? it was just after the game coming out so kinda a while ago now. some ppl get really unpleasant pains, tho i haven’t personally been thru that.on a final note, i think the last thing that comes off the top of my head to mention is kin doubles! i’m sure you’ve likely heard abt double drama joke posts and other stuff like that bc sometimes the discourse can be Real between ppl. again, doubles link back to the whole multiverse idea that a lot of this branches from, which would explain there being so many multiples of a character, bc we’re all from slightly different universes. some people can find doubles invalidating or intimidating i think? and so they don’t like interacting with them? others think they’re the “only real one” and that’s kinda shiddy. others are fine with doubles and i fall into that category!! welcome all twinfinites B)aaaand i think that a wrap! there’s a looooot of tangents here bc i wanted to try and provide as much insight as i could based on my own experiences, thoughts and knowledge, but even i’m still kinda Novice Kinnie so!! i apologise to fellow kin ppl if i made any inaccuracies lmao i’m not used to Explaining The Thinghope it was at least a lil informative !!

#finn.txt #ask #long post #kin stuff #i actually wrote this out TWICE #bc i'm using 2 laptops rn and i was on the other one cause mines being a shit but the internet connection on that one got messed up #it wont come back but this one has internet fine so ???? i had to copy it all over and retype HHHHHH

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