#The adults were having so much wine and then the moon turned full and they're all drunk off their heads trying to defend themselves | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fantasysamsclub · 6 years

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Thought: Krav and Taako are on one of their many post story vacays and since they're actually quite relaxed, Taako has been burning spell slots like it's nothing. As a result, when the two get hassled by some baddies, he's defenseless for like the first time ever except for some shitty cantrips. This is how Taako gets to see Kravitz in full, pissed off, bard-turned-reaper mode for the second time ever and it's both hot and a little intimidating.

hey, anon? i accidentally wrote 2400 words of this. it went off the rails wildly. you know what you’ve done. this is going up on ao3 in a little bit, but first let’s just put this here

careful everyone, this one’s a bit mature. nothing adult happens, but there’s a lot of jokes about it!

So, here’s the thing. Taako?Not the type of guy to save his spell slots.

That would make him a Jenkins, andwho wants to be a Jenkins? No sir, no thank you. Taako’s the type of guy tothrow crab monsters via levitation at the Jenkins of the world. He’s not aboutto save his spell slots like they’re precious gems. Also? He’s level who the fuck cares after the apocalypseis all said and done, he’s got spell slots fordays. Which means he gets to take advantage of all the hella cool wizard powers twenty-four seven. Levitating groceries intohis house. Riding a magical binicorn to work every day. Using all manner ofdivination spells to magically telegraph dick pics into his boyfriend’s brainat work (he hadn’t had to do that in a while–photographs and texting were broughtover pretty shortly after he saved the world and opened communication betweentheir plane and the plane of Thought).

It’s not like he runs out of spell slots every day. Hekeeps a couple close to him just in case he gets the drop on him. But thatdoesn’t make him a Jenkins. It just makes him smart. The only time he runs hisspell slots dry is when he’s on vacation, because he knows impressive magicalfeats get Kravitz (you know, his boyfriend of ten years, the one he’s thinkingabout putting a ring on one of these days?) hot under the collar, and of course he’s going to utilize that to its full potential onholidays.

They try to take a vacation once a year. They wrangle catsittersand clear out each other’s schedules for a week and a half. The Raven Queenmore than allows it. She loves that Kravitz has a social life now. Says hiswork is better now that he has something to fight for other than faith. Thisyear, they’re wandering all around, finding interesting geographical areas.It’s mostly an excuse to walk and have a good chat, something he actuallyenjoys with the guy. Crazy, right?

Kravitz deposits the two of them smack dab in the middleof a salt flat for a picnic. He’s been teasing at a surprise for a week and a half now, holding Taako’s hand just a bittighter every day. If he was going to spring some kind of surprise on Taako, hebetter do it here. Because, this place? Beautiful. Outstanding. Breathtaking. Theground reflects the sky, and it’s like walking on a big ass mirror. Or a hugegemstone. They’re both suddenly reminded that it’s been ten years since theyconfessed their love on a giant sapphire and saved the world, and Taako uses aspell slot to levitate the two of them while they’re kissing, and it’s just. Sogood.

He’s very liberal with his spell slots today.

‘Cause who’s going to attack them in the middle ofnowhere like this? Who even knows about this place? Taako sure didn’t. Kravitzjust whisked them both away with his goddess magic and for all Taako knew (orcared about) this was the (real) moon. So he uses magic to uncork the wine hebrought, and he uses magic to make shapes in the salt, and he definitely uses a spell slot or two tohop on Garyl with his man and ride off into the horizon.

And then they saw adragon.

A dragon made ofbones and brimstone.

He’s out of spell slots when this giant fuck-off dragoncomes along and ruins the oh-so perfect picnic spot with his hot-ass arm candy.Said arm candy presses two palms to his face, heaving out a groan. Of course work followed him here. He grumbles about plans andsurprises, kicks the salt at his feet like a child coming off of a tantrum. Taako’snot so sure why he’s this miffed, but, whatever. Dude always had a bit of atemper.

His attention was more on the dragon for now.

It hits him, as he watches the animated mass of bones andfire, that he miiiight have just usedhis last spell slot to conjure up that prismatic light show that reflected amoving scene from Paul Blart 3 into the salt flats.

And. Here’s the thing. Taako’s not defenseless, that would be silly. He’s an arcane engineer and onehell of an improviser, he can get him and his boyfriend out of this mess withhis god-awful cantrips and a little bit of elbow grease, right? He’s not a hugefan of hard work, but he’d rather do heavy lifting than dying, so. Elbow grease it is.

So he steps forward, places a hand on Kravitz’ shoulderand tells him to step back. Kravitz excitedly steps behind him, ready for ashow. The whole foundation of their relationship is built on the fact thatTaako bails Kravitz out when he’s in trouble. That’s how they met. He knows Kravitz thinks it’s hot,he’s taking advantage of that whenever he can. Taako has saved Kravitz’ niceass plenty of times, seen the stars in his eyes after executing a wellchanneled spell, reaped the many benefitsof showing off his power in front of his easily impressed man. It’speacocking, he knows, except a hell of a lot less creepy since he’s not a pickupartist and only doing it for his boyfriend’s benefit.

Also, the way Kravitz relaxes and shoots him a smile ashe watches Taako prepare his first spell takes away any concern Taako wouldhave about looking like an asshole.

But, as he goes over the list of cantrips he knows in hishead, and looks at the vast amount of nothingsurrounding him, no environment to manipulate with his shitty spells, Taakorealizes he’s in over his head. He could try blasting Ray of Frost at it abunch of times, but even though cantrips didn’t expend any slots, he couldstill get exhausted using them over and over again.

It takes one hit from the dragon for Taako to finally understandthe impossibility of the situation.

It also takes one hit from the dragon for Kravitz to launchhimself out of the spectator seat and into the action. This time, he’s the oneto place a hand on Taako, the one to tell him to step backwards with a cockywink and an overconfident smile. That dragon took about half of Taako’s hitpoints away in one swipe, so, yeah, he’sgonna step back, thank you very much.

Kravitz walks towards the dragon, sputtering insults upto its face. The dragon reels back with each one, and Taako remembers: right, he was a bard. Vicious mockery.He’s got about twenty different insults for this motherfucker and all of themare hand-tailored to the dragon like a fine suit. Kravitz is making these up onthe fly.

The closer he gets, the more magic Taako can see aroundhim. Magic distorts reality in a way that is visible to people who have a goodenough hold on it. Kravitz is bends the air around him and sends it flying inall directions, catching the dragon off guard and sending a gale of wind intoTaako. Blown away metaphorically and physically. Nice.

And then he gets out his scythe, and Taako can’t even process a nice dick joke to go alongwith that before he starts carving into this dragon. He knocks bones off thestructure in wide arcs. Taako would notice that the bones kept magicallyreforming onto the dragon if he wasn’t so enthralledby the performance. Kravitz wasn’t in his formal wear, just a nice tunic heput on for vacations like these, so there weren’t many layers in the way ofgiving Taako a show. His work uniformnever showed his arms exposed, and fuck, seeinghim work like that did things toTaako. That image would be appearing in his dreams and a few fantasies formonths. It didn’t look like Kravitz was winning, but he offered enough cockyjabs and overdramatic slices that Taako didn’t care.

But, eventually, even Kravitz could tell he was beat. He dispelledhis scythe and looked at the salt flats around him, taking a moment to think.Taako rose to the balls of his feet, worried. He didn’t have a moment to think, he needed to end this or call for help.

Kravitz’ body disappeared in a puff of black smoke,replaced by a softball-sized ball of white light. His soul. It pulsated in theair for a few moments before lowering down into the salt flats.

The rumbling beneath Taako’s feet made him grin from earto ear.

The salt on the ground moved upwards in a mass thatlooked vaguely humanoid. Just as big as the dragon. Bigger, even. Taako has abouta split second to admire the majesty of it all before it swings down on the dragonin one swift motion. The dragon and his boyfriend the salt monster duke it outfor an amount of time that feels too fast and too slow at the same time. Taakocould watch this forever. Sure, he’s usually the one doing the protecting outof the two of them. He’s the wizard that saved the world. But, damn, is it nice to get the same treatmentevery once in a while.

It takes a bit, but Kravitz manages to get the dragon’ssoul isolated. The bones fall to the ground and disintegrate into thin air. The sand shifts itself back into place and Kravitz’ souljumps out of it. He turns into a skeleton (also hot) and takes the dragon’ssoul in his hands.

Kravitz turns around and shouts off in Taako’s direction.“Is it okay if I go put this back real quick, babe?”

Taako grabs for the basket. “Yeah, I’ll set usup!”

“Don’t open the basket!” Kravitz stomps hisfoot into the sand and shrieks. “It’s a surprise!”

Taako rolls his eyes and sits his ass down in the salt.Realizes it’s probably a good thing Kravitz had to cut out and leave for aminute. He really enjoyed watching the show. Probably too much? Taako was aboutthis close to having to readjust hispants, 'cause that whole scene? That whole situation? The hottest hisboyfriend’s ever been, probably. Nice that hadn’t faded away after ten years ofdating the guy.

He thinks about it. Ten years. Eleven, if you count thechunk of time they dated before theapocalypse. They’ve been living together for nine of those years. Taako’s beenthinking about marriage for seven of those years, but just hasn’t–there wasn’ta good time to say it. Words are hard for him, okay? Cut him some slack.

Kravitz comes back, throwing Taako out of his thoughts,puts all his skin back on with his vacation wear. Taako launches himself ontothe dude, 'cause, again, that wasnice. Hot. A little intimidating? But in a hot way. Damn.

Taako says all that to Kravitz and he laughs, nuzzles hisnose into Taako’s hair. How can this asshole afford to be so cute when he justspent the better part of an hour taking down a fucking dragon?

“Now you know why I like watching you do it.” Hetakes Taako’s face in his hands and watches him with a look so sweet that it shouldbe banned by the Fantasy FDA for too much sugar content.

And. Okay. Listen. Listen.Taako might have had to hold himself back from pinning Kravitz up againstthe salt a couple seconds ago, but this? The way Kravitz is looking at him? Thelandscape around them? Fuck it. He’s ready to stop thinking about marrying Kravitz and actually do the damn thing. Hecan’t not marry him at this point.

Kravitz coughs, hands still on Taako’s face. “Hey,I–”

“Let’s get married.”

His boyfriend (hopefully fiancé, in a couple seconds, ifTaako didn’t royally screw this up) sputters out a barrage of laughter, botharms hugging Taako tight. Taako would be offended if he didn’t recognize thisas Kravitz’ fond laugh, but you spend ten years with a guy and you instantlyknow the difference between a malicious laugh and a loving one. It’s thatrecognition that forces Taako to do the same, giggling and tackling him in ahug, bringing him up close.

“I can’t believe you beat me to it,” Kravitzsays, eyes sparkling.

Taako sticks out his tongue teasingly. “Is that whatyou took me here for?”

“Yes.” Kravitz kisses him. “There’s a ringin the basket.”

“We can get to that in a minute.” Taakostraightens his back, pins his shoulders behind him, and frowns.“You,” he says, pointing an accusing finger at Kravitz, “did notanswer my question.”

“I thought it was obvious.”

"I want to hear it.”

"I would love to marry you,” he says, and itfills Taako’s heart so full it feels like it should burst. “If you’ll haveme.”

“If I’ll haveyou?” Taako snorts and blows a raspberry into Kravitz’ cheek.“Babe, you just–fuckin–that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.You–cocky motherfucker, just–going at that dragon. As a salt man.”

“It really should have seen that coming.”Kravitz gestures around the flats. “Go to a place like this and you’reguaranteed to be as-salt-ed.”

“Engagement redacted,” Taako says, unable tohide his smile, “stop that.”

Kravitz grins and leans in closer. “If you dislikethem so much, you can somersalt away.”

“Dumb! Horrible! Not even relevant!” Taakolaughs harder than he’d thought was possible, and then the hit from the dragonechoes in his torso. He starts coughing, and Kravitz fusses over him, handsgently roving over his abdomen, fingers finding the sharp marks from the dragon’sclaws.

“…Do you need to go regain your health?”

“Uh, probably.” He hangs onto Kravitz’shoulders for support. “Just, uh, a little woozy.”

“We’ll finish this picnic later. We need to get youhome.” Kravitz picks up the basket and summons his scythe. “I wouldn’twant to rub salt in the wound.”

Taako does kickhim in the shin for that one. “God, I can’t believe I’m engaged to you.”

“You asked for it,” he says, and takes themhome.

#taz #taz balance #taakitz #taako #kravitz #balance #fic #got a deal for you

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