#The thought that maybe he'd rather be corrupted and help destroy this world because then he would be someone

[pyxscythe]

Elaborate please, I'm so curious

rubbing my hands together like a little fly

This is a mix of scholar duo brainrot and self projecting but one of the handful of headcanons I don't really mention/talk about is k!lincu having BPD, I think that on a surface level when you just see him in lore you wouldn't really get the vibe but diving into his character and his relationship with Maddy and with himself and others then I think you could see it better. Plus Linc confirmed that he has attachment issues at least to some degree it's just that he gets pushed away cause of his personality aka being an egotistical asshole

The struggle to find a sense of self and likely despising who he was when he felt like he was no one special or unique, possibly feeling rejected from society even then, and not really getting why. So he drastically changed himself and became someone who was different, who stood out, even if it was for the worse. Even if people hated him at least then he had a real reason to be rejected. If he was going to feel outcasted he might as well make himself someone who could understand why, he might as well play into some image that might "deserve" it. And he false-ego'd his way into "being unbothered" and twisting insults into sarcastic compliments. And even then he likely had struggles with his sense of self, insults do get to him he just pretends they don't, he literally just lives a lie because it's all he knows, he doesn't know who he is otherwise. And sometimes he hates himself or who he's made himself be. And sometimes he thinks about who he could have been, maybe not some ideal image but just the concept that he could have been different, maybe happier, maybe "better", but he's been robbed of that be it by himself or others or both, he can never get those years of his life back and he can never be someone different.

I think maybe he could have always struggled with being an outcast and much earlier on having some innocent childlike wondering of "Why doesn't anyone love me" to the point where he gave up on this concept of being someone loved and went for being someone hated although he pretends he's someone who everyone loves, he knows everyone hates him or doesn't have the best impression of him but he claims everyone loves him anyway.

And with attachment especially like. He might get easily attached to people who do actually express some kind of liking towards him, it validates him, but no one fucking likes him ! So either it doesn't happen or sooner or later they'll just realize how he is and they'll push him away. And he keeps up his attitude to help convince himself he doesn't need anyone anyway.

Maddy becomes the only person who seems to tolerate him and hell sometimes maybe she even likes him. And he admires her, he holds her to a high regard. And that fucks with him, because he needs to be better than her. He needs to be someone who she could be friends with, someone on her level or even better than that, so that he can understand why she's friends with him when no one else is. He wants to understand what's special about him, because he can try and be special all he wants but he knows he isn't. And he doesn't know how to just be normal about it, how to just be her friend and act like a friend, he only knows how to behave as he always does. And so he shows his admiration in a way that she doesn't understand as him showing admiration, she understands it as his need to be better than everyone. And maybe he thinks sooner or later this will drive her away, maybe some part of him thinks that's for the better, maybe some part of him wants to stop too because he'll lose his only friend, but does she even like him anyway? Back and forth between friends and rivals and never just friends, eventually only rivals. He has no idea how to just be her friend and care for her because he's never been given that treatment either, so he has to just learn it eventually, and even then when it goes too much against his persona he has to tone it down, and it gets to the point where maybe it just looks like he doesn't give a shit. And maybe he even wants to believe he doesn't because then whatever happens its easier to deal with.

And then she leaves, and he doesn't know what to do with himself, even though he tried to anticipate it, but he didn't anticipate her disappearing like that. To a whole different world he didn't even know about. And he gets so caught up in his own self resentment that maybe he can't even stand the life he's trying to live anymore because such a big part of it is gone, the person who drove him forward so much was gone, and he can't stand to be in that city anymore.

Then in the Overworld he stays shut off from everyone for the most part. He avoids growing close to people even slightly, because they don't like him, they won't like him, and he would be going home anyway (he thought so anyway) so what's the point. He can't let himself bond with anyone so in that regard his immediate bad impression is sort of helping him out, no one wants to be around that guy he's an asshole. He has no desires for companionship with any of them because he can't really afford to. And even when he knows he isn't going back home he doesn't bother, because no one would choose to experience the end of the world with him anyway, he might as well see this all through alone. Plus no one has been listening to him anyway, he's tried to have a voice especially because it was an obligation put on him, but did anyone care? No.

He's very observant and psychoanalyzes people on the daily to have all this information about them to his advantage. Here and there he's black and white, this person is good because they did this or that person is bad because they did that, there are plenty of gray areas but so many that are on and off or strict.

And circling back to Maddy—the one friend he had now in this other world supposedly still being his only friend, despite saying it was good to see his face again she would be far more interested in just sticking around the people she knows there. She has friends who are better than he ever could have been, and maybe she doesn't know how much he actually cared about her until she almost died and heard he was the only one who visited her every day. He's on and off with these efforts to show her friendship until he just decides to stop, because he feels like there's no use in it. Yet he still feels so protective over her that he can't just cast it all away entirely. If he wants to get closer he decides its stupid and stays distant but still tries to watch over her in a sense.

He stays in his house all the time tending to his own matters and no one visits him, they only remember on occasion he exists when its convenient for news on the void research, and even then they're never satisfied. He's hardly percieved at all and maybe he's learned to just live with it. It bothers him that no one listens and no one cares, but he tells himself he doesn't care, that he doesn't need their pity anyway. But oh how it would be nice if at least it felt like his only friend was there to care, because they're in the same world again but still worlds apart, and she won't even call him her friend. At this point he'll be standing in the background still just observing everything watching this world crumble and one way or another he'll just perish with it, but even though he'll be going with everyone else he himself will still be alone.

So yeah k!lincu BPD agenda am I right

#Bonus points if I throw in the thoughts about the void #The thought that maybe he'd rather be corrupted and help destroy this world because then he would be someone #He would be someone horrible but he would be someone. He would be paid attention to #And even if he knows maybe walking into the void might kill him instead of taking him home what would that matter #No one seems to need or want his help in that world anyway #I'm getting sooooo psychological about a MINECRAFT ROLEPLAY CHARACTER #I'm making him even more mentally ill #《👾》

[prismadog]

Found Family AU: Divided [Emptober 16]

so...obviously I'm a bit behind on the whole Emptober thing if I'm just now working on 16 but ya know what? I don't care. I needed a little break from this - the stress of trying to catch up was well...stressing, but now that the month is over, I don't have to worry anymore about getting these done on time because I'm going to be late no matter what :D isn't it great?

also, I've been playing a lot of java lately and working on an outline for an actual fanfic featuring our beloved little gnome Shrub and her demon Dad XorXor! I'm gonna start writing that out soon after I finish chapter 4 of "to Love my Enemy", and like always, I'll be making a link posty thingamajig to the story once its uploaded. but that's not gonna happen for at least a little bit longer.

anyway, moving on to the Emptober prompt. I decided to take a step back from our usual characters and instead write about someone else...someone who's related to the demon - no, not Alinar, though, I do have another day or so for him set aside.

-

Divided

He enters his room, footsteps soft against the floorboards, and drops face-first like a ragdoll on the cyan double bed.

Why?

He asks silently. He turns his head so he's not suffocating himself - not that it matters much, he'll just respawn anyway...but it's always such a tiring experience and he'd rather not deal with that right now. Though, maybe a few minutes in the void that is respawn would help him get his bearings?

He's Aeor's Champion.

He, Scott Smajor, Elfking of Rivendell, brother to the monster that plagues the land -

Is a Champion.

Scott rolls onto his back and pulls the sword from his inventory - the blade catches on the lamplight and almost glows in his hand.

Why?

Why did Aeor have to give him this?

Why did Aeor bless him with these antlers?

Why does he have to take arms against the demon - against his brother?

The sword is beautiful - white steel with gold engravings in the tongue of elves, a blessing from their benevolent god. It's a long blade but light, the handle fits perfectly in his calloused hand.

It's like the sword was meant for him.

which, it technically is.

Aeor gave him this sword just a few hours ago when he asked for guidance, when he asked the Stag for a cure - a way to heal the demon and return them to their former self, to the brother he knew only in a past life.

The Stag gave him...

this.

Aeor...He's supposed to believe in peace, equality, preserving life.

This.

This is not the way he expected his God to help.

This sword is a death sentence.

Why?

Why does he have to kill the demon? Why does he have to murder his long lost brother?

Isn't there a better way?

There has to be right?

He can't really be expected to kill Xornoth...

can he?

Sure, the demon is bad - really bad, a terror on this world that only wants to corrupt and destroy -

but...

They're also his brother -

And if his assumptions are correct, they're also Shrub's father, which seriously, what?

That monster being the father of his sweet little gnome friend, how? what? She's too kind to be the child of a ruthless, merciless, entity that only wants to hurt others - what about that time she stabbed Joey for calling Xornoth 'Daddy?' his brain "helpfully" reminds him.

He ignores the thought.

How does that even work?

Xornoth is a demon, might technically still be an elf underneath the darkness and corruption, and Shrub is a gnome. Did his brother really get out an - no. not going there. He does not need to think about his brother in that context. Nope.

Scott sighs, returning the sword to his inventory, and rolls onto his side to free up his wings and let them stretch out behind him. Really, he should be stowing it away in his ender chest but he can always do that later.

The sky outside his windows has started to darken, the stars are glittering like diamonds in the sky. It looks peaceful.

"Can I really kill Xornoth?" he asks the silence of his room, his own voice barely a whisper.

Alinar didn't hesitate to banish them.

So why is he hesitating now?

He and Alinar are one in the same.

Shouldn't he be able to do this?

Shouldn't he want to do this? To be the hero that slays the beast?

Alinar wouldn't hesitate.

Alinar would do what he must to protect his people, even if that means murdering his own flesh and blood.

So why doesn't Scott?

He is Alinar.

Alinar is him.

Why doesn't he want to kill Xornoth? To free the land from corruption?

Why does he want to cure the demon of its ailment and embrace the brother he never knew?

Why does he feel like asking Aeor for guidance was a mistake?

#empires smp #found family au #scott smajor

[lovevejoy]

Talon Theories | 🎆

Hey! So I was scrolling through the comments on the new origin story video— which was amazing and I'm so freaking excited for more Talon and Overwatch lore— and I saw some pretty interesting ideas and suggestions! So I thought I'd show the comments and give some commentary, and at the end of this post I'm going to add some speculations on the current status of all the Talon members!

Alright, first some hidden details in the video!

This was pretty cool, I relistened and definitely heard Widow's gun going off. This leads into some other theories I'll show in a minute!

I didn't actually do this, but a lot of other comments were confirming this fact. I think that's a pretty awesome small detail!

So that's all I noticed from the comments as small details, but here are some interesting theories I'd like to mention:

The idea of Sigma having multiple personalities is interesting. I personally think that Talon grabbed him from where he was being held and Talon took advantage of his moments of weakness from his discoveries and experience in the black hole, effectively manipulating him. But maybe he isn't being as affected by Talon and instead the aggressive side of his personalities is trying to gain more control after everything he went through and being "rescued" by Talon? It's something to consider, and it'd be an interesting plot!

This is probably my favorite one. I love the idea of him being stuck in a state similar to Tracer's, but he has completely solid forms all doing things at once. The theory would play out like this:

His suit is similar to Tracer's chronal accelerator, he wears it when goes out for missions and it keeps his conciseness stabilized in one body so he can focus. However, when he takes it off, he is suddenly trying to live in all of his presences and that's a way Talon manages to keep control of him. So he chooses to wear their suit and work with Moira or the other agents.

He'd get this suit from Moira. In game interactions, she's shown interest in Tracer's technology. They have a voice interaction that goes:

Moira: Your state of chronal uncertainty is fascinating to me Tracer, I do wish you would allow me to study you.

Tracer: While I'm truly touched by your offer *sarcastic laugh* I think I'll have to pass.

So without the ability to study Tracer's condition, she turns to the next best thing: Sombra's translator (Sombra stole the technology from Winston, so the design and function is familiar to Tracer's, confirmed by Lena herself). Moira gets enough information and is able to design the suit and (either befor or after it's completed) Reaper, Widow, and possibly Moira herself goes to retrieve Sigma from where he's being held.

Sigma is allowed to research and use Talon's resources for his studies, and he quickly finds ways to control his levitation abilities.

This theory would also make sense game-wise, too. I watched a video where someone proposed the idea Sigma could create a clone of himself. If he has three or two presences in the lore, in the game it would make sense! The clone would act as a decoy and stalling tool as it would try to get the enemy team to waste cool downs and could even contest the point, like Bob or how Sombra could before her invisibility was changed.

I think it's most likely he'll just have multiple personalities, probably two, or just be under Talon's control but I still love this idea!

Finally, I'm just going to give a quick summary of what I think Talon is like right now.

Doomfist is set on waging war and doing everything he can to make things worse in the world. He's getting a little more paranoid of double agents and spies however, so he's trying to do things quietly. There are certain people who he doesn't trust but needs, so he's playing it by year and monitoring Overwatch and Volskya closely, as well as handling any extremely important work by himself.

Reaper is pretty hard to speak for. I think at this point, his storyline could go two ways. One, Reaper is following Doomfist closely and hunting down and killing former Overwatch agents. We don't know if he's actually killing them, but in past comics and animated shorts when he's had the opportunity to kill he hasn't. So he's either being petty and not returning to the other side OR he's actively working on collapsing Talon. There are plenty of other theories about Reaper betraying them out there, but my personal favorites are he's working with Widowmaker and Sombra to help Widow escape and destroy Talon. Another idea is that maybe Talon has done something to him to, or threatened him in some way. But I think he's not exactly in the morally gray area, but not as evil as Doomfist.

Widowmaker is starting to feel again. We know from the comic 'Reflections' she can feel sadness, maybe guilt or remorse. She's standing over her dead husband's grave. Is whatever they've done to her just wearing off? I think she's growing immune to the reconditioning, and/or Sombra is messing with the results of tests or whatever technology they've surely implanted inside of her. Either way, she's most likely scared. She's probably worried on blowing her/their cover, or maybe she doesn't want to feel. Wouldn't it be better to not feel anything over deaths you've caused than live with the guilt?

Sombra is obviously only using Talon for their resources. We knew that since the day they revealed her at Blizzcon. The theory that she's working with Reaper and Widow comes up because we believe she's working with Reyes. On Oasis, they have a interaction where Sombra asks something like, What are we doing here, Boss? to Reaper. So they're most likely working together a step further than just a Talon mission. We don't actually know if Sombra is aware Doomfist knows she is likely planning to betray him and that he knows what she pulled in Russia. If she and Reaper were actually working together, he'd probably tell her. She's probably seen as a risk by the majority of the Inner Council (especially Sanjay, given her history with large companies that are corrupted ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) so she better watch her back and not get cocky.

And finally, Moira is in Talon for the resources, but she's definitely evil. She'll do anything to gain knowledge and reach her goals. I don't have much to say about her, except she probably doesn't care about all the politics surrounding the Inner Council and Doomfist's plans, rather she just wants to learn new things and study. She's probably going to be studying Sigma and talking with him a lot, after all they just saved him from a Testing Facility.

So those are my notes and theories for Sigma and the future of Talon! I'm really excited to see their storyline play out and this is my first time being apart of the game when a new character gets added, so I'm hyped!

Please let me know your theories in the comments! I really want to know what y'all think! Have a great day! 💕

#overwatch #sigma #talon #team talon #moira #reaper #doomfist #widowmaker #sombra #hero 31 #theory #fan theories

[leonawriter]

In The Moonlight

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Chuuya, Dazai, Atsushi, Kyouka, others.

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Notes: BEAST AU fix-fic. Dazai-typical suicide references. Book Dazai AU.

Chuuya finding the Book isn't entirely an accident. Chuuya falling out of the mafia building after Dazai wasn't an accident at all. Neither was pushing himself to breaking point to make damn sure both he and Dazai survived hitting the ground.

But surviving is one thing. Picking up the pieces of the world in the aftermath of it all, would be another thing entirely.

...

Chuuya leaves, figuring that whatever Dazai wanted to do, he could damn well do without Chuuya - he'd done well enough by that account for the past several years, after all, so what'd be so different about now?

He almost trips, almost falls-

shouldn't be possible like that with his ability he  shouldn't and yet andyet-

-and remembers that he'd left something in Dazai's old office. The one Dazai used to have as his home base of sorts, when they were still basically dorming together in the mafia stronghold, having nowhere else to go and no one else to take them in.

At one point, they'd hated each other and worked seamlessly, almost as if where one stopped the other one started.

Then again, at one point, the room he'd just left had been the same one he could still remember pledging loyalty to the mafia - to one man - in, and now, here he was, with all of the reasons he'd sworn that oath having been burnt away over time into the smouldering ashes of could-have-beens.

(He'd seen Dazai plot and set traps around Mori around the time of the Mimic incident; something about the entire thing had left him feeling vaguely sick afterwards, an ache in his side, watching as his world crumbled, fell, and then neatly rebuilt and rearranged itself around him.

Ah, he'd thought sometime later, that's why, he'd thought, remembering how Shirase had stabbed him by getting in close. It was just another betrayal, after all, just another organisation he could have - should have - done more for, where he was slowly being taken for granted.

Again.)

You've forgotten something, his feet still said, taking him back. Who even knew why, it wasn't as if he could change anything.

It wasn't as though he could go back into their past, and somehow change things - it wasn't as if he'd know what to change. He didn't have Dazai's mind for that sort of shit. But then, given where Dazai was right now-

Maybe that was for the best.

...

The Boss' old room from when he wasn't even an executive yet was barely touched from the time when that'd been the case, and this was the only office Dazai'd had, and part of that was because of how little time he'd spent here before moving on to bigger and better places higher up in the food chain.

Or at least, that's what he seemed to want everyone else to think.

'Everyone else' wasn't Chuuya, though, and Chuuya found it all too easy to see the differences - a little less cluttered here, perhaps, a little less full of life. Much like the man it belonged to. The couch they'd bothered each other on before things had started to change was in here, and so were a few other things, although all of them seemed to have been thrown onto the floor rather than treated with any sort of respect or, god forbid, sentiment.

He must have forgotten what he'd come in here for, because he couldn't for the life of him think what could be his in this memorial of a room that he'd want to take with him, that he might have left behind.

That damn bastard had even just left a torn up notebook full of his own writing just scattered on the floor, the binding pretty much coming loose in places.

He bent down to pick it up.

One gloved finger brushed a page.

...

One moment he is crouched on the floor of Dazai's old office.

The next he is seeing himself, frozen in time, outside of space and everything, and at the same time, a part of it.

At first, it is quiet. 

Then, he hears something, at the edge of his awareness, a papery sound, as if-

...

His awareness spreads from one page to every single page, and it is too much, too fast, and he thinks he hears himself screaming-

(Hears himself screaming Dazai's name and sees himself shoving an entire skyscraper down a dragon's maw in the midst of Corruption, and Dazai is dressed in white, the white of death, and yet he wakes and touches Chuuya-)

-until he almost can't hear himself any longer, or he would say that, except, something about the thought feels wrong.

Was it even his scream? 

Visions of their very own White Reaper, the weretiger Atsushi, flicker in his mind, dressed in a different kind of black-and-white, more white than black, screaming out the name of the Agency's newest recruit in rage.

It all passes him by in an instant, like old camera footage on film, but he can hear it and feel it at the same time. As if he's there.

He doesn't understand.

...

Dazai is standing in front of him, looking roughed up, which sets Chuuya on edge immediately, even before he takes in any real notice of the Boss' clothes, because anyone or anything that could get that close to the Boss, could hurt the Boss, was on him. Keeping the Boss safe from harm, even if it was from himself, was Chuuya's own job, damn it.

And then he looks down at Dazai, and sees the brown coat, the beige trousers, the waistcoat, the tie... more colour than he thinks he's ever seen on Dazai, even on undercover missions. And not a hint of black or red.

Then again, he looks at himself, and he looks much like he did when he was first taken in. How he'd stayed for years, until Dazai had taken over. Before he'd had to resign himself to staying indoors, and barely even seeing or walking the streets of the city he loved.

"If I step in too late," Dazai was saying, "you'll die. It's your call."

He watches himself go.

Trusting Dazai with his life.

Watches himself let go, and give in.

He closes his eyes, and wonders just how long it had taken for him to doubt that trust.

Because he can't look, can't watch himself go like this, and it shakes him when he opens his eyes to see-

Nothing, and everything.

He closes his eyes again, and wonders when it was that he had begun to not bear to look.

...

"Stop it," he says, even though he doesn't truly have a voice here.

"Stop it," he cries out.

He curls in on himself, reaching for a hat that doesn't exist, although the universe has the ability to make another, or a hundred thousand hats the exact same, each one with the handwritten word "Rimbaud" inked into the brim.

It doesn't matter here if he's human or not, because his ability doesn't exist, and all that does are the images and scenes of lives as they could have been, a countless number that are tearing him to shreds.

"Please," he says, the word getting torn out of him, "I just want to go back."

...

The whirlwind dies down. 

He starts to be able to think again.

And then-

...

Liar.

...

The  word comes from everything, all around. The entire world telling him that he had to be telling a lie.

Liar, the world said, again. 

You could have any one of these. You could change the world to your whim. 

You don't want to go back.

Liar.

...

"I just want to go back," he couldn't help repeating, as if saying it would make it true. 

Seeing those things made him want so badly, made him tempted, and yet...

...

I can't be him. 

...

That was right.

Whoever the Chuuya in there was, every time he saw him, he seemed so much younger, so much more naive, and as if he'd barely seen anything of the world.

That wasn't him, he couldn't be that person - maybe he could have, once, but not anymore.

...

...can't be-

...

Chuuya just wishes, for a moment, that the one he was stuck with could be just a little bit more like-

...

I CAN'T BE HIM - I CAN'T BE THAT PERSON.

I CAN'T BE HIM.

YOU CAN'T WANT ME, ALL ANYONE WANTS IS THE ONE WHO ISN'T ME, AND I CAN'T-

...

Knowledge and understanding flood his being in a split second. One moment, there's the confusion of wondering where the voice was coming from that spoke directly into everything so that his very bones (or where bones should be) shook him and gave him such an all-encompassing sensation of despair.

He was inside the Book.

Everything that he had seen was an alternate timeline, an alternate version of events, a possibility.

Dazai would tell Atsushi and Akutagawa that only three people could understand the Book's true use and purpose at a time, and that this would be a lie, as he simply knew that the Book would not be able to withstand being used even one more time.

The incontrovertible truth that Dazai Osamu, regardless of the fact that he seemed to not be aware of this himself... was the Book itself.

Or at least, the part that Chuuya was in right now, was the part made of paper that couldn't burn or be destroyed by normal means, and yet had been used to destruction by Dazai's  very own self.

He could find out anything, he realised. Anything at all.

Instead, he simply closed his eyes.

"Put me back," he said, using the same tone of voice he used on jittery subordinates who'd never killed before. Gentle, but firm. "And stop assuming you know what I want, asshole."

...

Chuuya opens his eyes, and catches a sheet of what he had been assuming to be notebook paper, that had blown free from the carpeted floor, and puts it carefully with the rest. Neither it nor the rest of the ripped-out pages will go back in the way they went, but that's not the main issue right now. the important thing was not losing any.

And then, when it's secure and safely tucked away in an inner pocket, the Book - snug against his heart - feels almost as though it's telling him to find a window, to be quick-

...

It's not easy, getting Dazai down. It involves a lot of stopping and starting, running down windows and aborted attempts at going ahead to break one and get him inside before they reach the ground, before having to simply catch the falling fish again and the times when he's just carrying his boss, reacting like someone who's never had an ability - which isn't something that comes naturally to him, more so than for anyone else, given he's never known what it's like to live without it.

By the time they're on the ground, Dazai's staring at him with a single accusing eye (strange, now that he's seen the Dazai-in-brown with both eyes open), as if he's just interrupted something important.

Which, he thinks, according to Dazai, he had.

Not that he gives a flying fuck what Dazai thinks right now, because he's pissed off, and trying to not look too much like he is, because Dazai or not, suicide attempt or not, this was still his Boss.

"...You stopped me," Dazai says eventually. There's a hint of real anger in his voice, but for once Chuuya isn't intimidated. 

"I don't remember ever resigning," he says, out of breath. He's pretty sure he can feel bruises he's going to feel for ages, and his suit's torn from broken glass, sticky from it too, from where the glass slid in a touch too deeply when he was holding Dazai and couldn't push it away in time. "I don't remember quitting, either," he adds. "You know, I almost forgot just how much you've always pissed me off, Dazai." 

"I'm your Boss-"

"And I'm saying as someone who used to be your partner, I hate suicidal idiots who don't think about anyone else more than anything!" His voice is hoarse. Maybe it's the wind he had to put up with on the way down. That'd count for the way his eyes are watering, too. He's not used to having to deal with high pressure wind like a normal person would, after all. "Damn it, I fucking hate you."

Dazai, damn him, tenses in Chuuya's grip, and then stills.

(Part of him remembers the way another Dazai had floated down effortlessly to the ground, Chuuya the one in his lap instead of the other way around, and it having been a soft, peaceful moment rather than the tense one full of the sound of alarms and people rushing out and surrounding them, since the Boss is on the ground, and with a single touch Chuuya's ability could be turned off, their final defence brought down.

It isn't fair, he thinks, that some other Chuuya got that, and he's stuck with this.)

"The Book," Dazai breathes out, single eye wide, "you found it - Chuuya, what did you do? What did you do?"

"Nothing!" The word rings out around them, and if Chuuya's hurt that Dazai is more concerned with the idea of anything happening to that friend of his who wasn't even his friend here, than his own life, or Chuuya's, or anyone else's in the whole damn world, then - apparently, that doesn't count for much. "I didn't write a single fucking word on a single damn page, Dazai," he says lowly, so that this time Dazai's the only one who can hear him. Dazai just stares at him, clearly not believing. "Not one."

"I... could have died, I think," Dazai says.

There's something tired about the way he says it, that makes Chuuya feel like there's a cold seeping into his bones.

"Yeah," he says, remembering all the numbers of times since they were kids that Dazai's tried and failed to die, the times when he'd floated along the river and should have drowned, when he's hung himself and added yet another rope line to his neck, thrown himself into the line of fire, off of buildings... 

Dazai'd somehow always survived, no matter that he hadn't wanted to, had always been vocally disappointed to be able to open his eyes again.

This time, though-

If only a diamond can polish a diamond, does that mean that the only thing that can destroy the Book, something that can't be damaged by fire or any other sort of ability, no matter the kind... is the Book itself?

The pages strewn across Dazai's old office, and the broken state of the self that had been crying out when he'd been inside of it, suggested that maybe they were right.

"You could've," he allowed. "But you're not gonna."

"I'm... not him," Dazai says, closing his eyes. 

"Yeah? Good. Means I don't have to get my eyes checked for throwing myself off a building for a ghost, then." He thinks about it, if the Boss had suddenly been replaced like that, and shudders.

He can't finish the thought of wondering, because the very idea of him, the way he is, being looked at - through - by a Dazai who was so much better than both of them, who knew a Chuuya who was so much better than he was, had so much more... it makes him feel like he'd almost prefer never to have known they existed, because that way he wouldn't feel like the memory of their existence was constantly judging him.

...

They both wind up taking a short trip to the A&E, somewhere they haven't been for a while just because usually, Dazai's status as Boss of the Port Mafia tends to mean he's kept safely inside the headquarters building and seen to by Port Mafia doctors, or those they trust. But with the headquarters made a complete mess of by first Atsushi and Akutagawa, and then his own descent, it's no longer as secure as it should be, and anything else would just take too much time.

Dazai's in the next room, guarded by several mafia Chuuya trusts, both to protect him from any threats, but also - after the stunt he'd pulled earlier - from himself, and for his own good. 

Chuuya's been getting updates from them and the nurses whenever anything changes. So far, Dazai seems to have sustained mostly non-lethal but inconveniencing injuries that'll put him out of commission for a while.

So when Atsushi and Kyouka come by, the men direct them into Chuuya's room instead, because Dazai's asleep, like he should be.

He doesn't miss the way the weretiger's eyes widen at the sight of him, one of the most feared mafia executives and the Boss' right hand man, covered in bandages just like the Boss, and wrapped in a hospital yukata.

"S-sir!" Atsushi bows, as if they were just in the main office (he thinks he'd tried to blow that window in, too, but the windows hadn't given, just buckled somewhat, and he winces at the thought of how much effort is going to go into repairing and replacing everything).

"Atsushi." The boy's eyes widen at the sound of his name. Then again, he probably expects to be punished, for being up there when a suicidal idiot decided to try and kill himself again.

Chuuya sighs.

"We came because- b-before, Dazai-san... he..."

"He told you to do something, and then fell off the fucking roof, didn't he?" Chuuya summarised. 

Atsushi nodded, sharply.

"Yes, sir."

"What was it?" And when neither of them answered, he tched in frustration, and pushed himself a little further upright. "Dazai's in the other room asleep and alive, currently the only one other than you guys and maybe that Akutagawa who'd know what was said up there. As an executive member, I have every right to order you to tell me what he told you to do."

Atsushi paled, and began to shake, but Chuuya couldn't find it within himself to feel too guilty, even knowing just how strong the kid had grown in any other version of events.

"Dazai-san, he... he asked us to protect something," Atsushi said, voice still shaking, seemingly rooted to the spot. Kyouka next to him didn't move a single muscle. "And - he..." his voice trailed off into almost nothing. "He told me to defect from the mafia, sir." The words were barely audible, Chuuya only just able to hear them. "He told me-"

"Then what're you still doing here?" Atsushi, cut off by his superior - former superior, it looked like - stared blankly. "He fired you, kid. And her too, right?" After all, Chuuya had seen the girl doing better elsewhere too, and if he'd seen that, then Dazai definitely would have. "Then why come back like a stray dog to the place that's kicked you out? If you're wondering what to do next since Dazai's not dead, just... do whatever you want. You don't have to do what he says anymore, if he says he's not going to take you back." Hypocrite, he thinks to himself. Dazai had basically thrown him aside, and here he was, still clutching onto the last rags of something he didn't even know was worth keeping anymore. "If the Boss himself has told you to do a thing, you do it. And since I know what what's going on," in more ways than he'd let them know about, even if he had a strong suspicion he knew what they'd been tasked with protecting, and why, "I'm not going to let anyone hunt you down for following orders."

Atsushi began to back away, first one foot, and then the other, backing away and not turning around until he was in the hall, at which point Chuuya saw him begin to run.

Kyouka takes a little longer, studying him, eyes narrowed, before she turns away, a little more confident, a little less twitchy like a spooked cat.

"Good luck, kid," he can't help saying as she leaves. "You'll both do better there."

He thinks he sees her tense at his words, but can't be sure, and then she's gone too, and all he's left with is the knowledge that a part of Dazai's soul is still in his inner jacket pocket, and a sorry sense of attachment to two kids who he barely even knows, but knows can be so much better and more alive, just like them, and he's tired, he's tired of knowing.

So he closes his eyes, and hopes that when he wakes up, Dazai will still be alive, and the world won't have ended, and that when he next looks in that jacket pocket, he won't just see a dissipating mass of ink and dust.

It's as he's just drifting off, not quite asleep and not quite awake, that the thought comes to him-

Ah, he thinks, you're just like me.

...

AN: I'll be honest, this actually started several weeks ago when I was browsing pixiv and saw someone's art of Odasaku, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Kyouka, Kenji, and Dazai all standing in the light, and it made me go, "okay, but AU where they're all able to work together. Where they're on the same side, even if they're not in the same organisations."

And that's how this happened, although the part about Dazai being the Book's squishy human form comes from my other fic "The Rest That's Still Unwritten", which is technically canon to this one and vice versa by pure simple means of "same characters, different stories" even in-universe. Originally I wasn't going to, but... it worked just too well not to, especially after a random idea-thought had Chuuya going "this book's so beat up it looks like it barely even remembers it's a book."

...Though, I'll admit that I haven't gone through more than a summary of the BEAST AU book itself, and all events depicted from it are my own understanding of them. I'm writing a fix fic because I don't really like how things happened there, y'know. It's sad and I don't like sad.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd stuff #beast au #Leona fic #book dazai au