#Trans people (especially butch lesbians or former butch lesbians) who felt like transitioning would betray some cause

[shit-my-asexual-friend-says]

So, I recently reblogged a post about the asexual experience and realized that my addition was twice as long as the two other comments combined. This feels a little weird, since of the three posters, I am the one who is not asexual.

However, I am fairly confident that I know why.

The asexual community is regularly shunted to the side in other sex-positivity and queer-positivity movements, which is horrible. One of the side-effects of this, though, is that allosexuals who experience these same types of love and lifestyles - for example, my own bisexual queerplatonic ass - are not only shunted to the side, but basically invisible to the community at large. This isn't just harmful to me. If you read the post, I talk about @why-are-the-allos-like-this and my's shared experience of feeling that our relationship is lesser than any romantic relationship I might be a part of. Which is bullshit. It's not.

Love is love is kind of the slogan of the entire Queer community, but I know I'm not the only one who has had this experience. So I'm telling it to everyone: love is love is a radical idea. Love is love applies to everyone. It applies to me as a bisexual woman who is in love with a man; my love for him does not negate my bisexuality. It applies to me as an allosexual person who is in a queerplatonic relationship; my asllosexuality doesn't destroy that relationship.

When you shunt one part of the community to the side - asexuals, bisexuals, whichever trans identity we're villainizing today (it's always somebody), people who have detransitioned but remain allies, literally anyone - you are erasing a lot more experiences than the ones you have decided are lesser or unimportant. You're also erasing the ones that you literally do not know exist, because you never made a space for them.

To be clear, it is correct and important to give special attention to people who are going through specific extreme challenges. It is also important not to pretend that all of our challenges are the same; I have never faced violence in the way the trans women I know have, for example. Amplifying voices that need amplifying does not need to come with a side dish of invalidating and shouting down the voices that you don't think need amplifying.

#Shout out to: #Trans women who are currently under another fucking wave of accusations #Trans men who are currently being loudly told that they do not actually experience oppression because they are not women #Asexual people who are treated as second class citizens in most queer-friendly spaces because of the overwhelming focus on sex #People who do not know how to self-describe because they were systematically denied access to education #People who are not trans but were pressured to transition and have since detransitioned #Trans people (especially butch lesbians or former butch lesbians) who felt like transitioning would betray some cause #People who are currently in the closet and plan to stay that way long-term #People who experience queerness in a way that doesn't feel as life-altering as it is for the people around you so you keep quiet #queer culture #queer solidarity #asexual #bisexual #queerplatonic relationships #queerplatonic