#Until age seventeen I didn’t even like the idea of a debit card because I felt safer just paying in cash

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I typed in “highest protein foods ever” and — aside from whey protein and other things like fresh haddock and pollock which are extremely expensive — it turns out tuna has the highest protein content per calorie, followed somewhat closely by chicken breast. It looks like oats and brown rice have a decent amount of protein as well so I’ll have to get some in bulk.

So I went to Aldi (I’m from America and we have Aldi Sud, which is different than Aldi Nord; Aldi Nord is on the boycott list) and purchased six cans of albacore tuna, one can of chicken breast, two cans of French-style green beans, two cans of potatoes, and one can of carrots. I also purchased two dozen eggs (in cardboard; not styrofoam, of course) and a giant container of vinegar for use as a multipurpose cleaner and laundry detergent which will probably last me at least half a year.

$18.85 hell yeah AND I didn’t break the eggs on the way home despite getting irritated with the stupid “press to cross” button because it DOESN’T FUCKING WORK and basically rushing in front of a car because I wasn’t about to wait for it to turn when it didn’t turn last time after two full cycles. I knew I could make it if I swerved left a little and I did. I didn’t get hit. I’m not dead. This is not my ghost speaking. It didn’t faze me at all; I know the driver is probably shaken though. Sorry, man.

Once I get the brown rice I can make tuna and vegetable stir fry with an egg scrambled in. I’m sure my neighbors will appreciate the smell SJDBJDJDNDNDJDJNDNSNSN that’s what they get for making the heat vents smell like weed. Tuna attack. Suck it. I’ll need to ride my bike for 45 minutes straight over “gentle hills” (gentle my ASS) soon so I’ll cook that meal the night prior and have it for breakfast. I have a small can of orange soda I saved from the staff break room when we had treats, which I will take with me in case I need sugar on the road.

Other things I’m noticing from riding a bike around all the time:

The webbing between my thumbs and forefingers feels raw from rubbing on the handlebars all the time

Riding into a strong gust of wind IS THE LITERAL DEVIL

”Push to cross” buttons don’t work half the time. They do the BEEP beep but they don’t change the picture to the little white walking man. Yay for pedestrian safety! /s

I am not as in shape as I thought

Ride as hard as you can on dips then stop pedaling when going back up to conserve energy and not kill yourself

#exjw #pomo #ex cult #It seems I’ve developed nerves of steel. I feel invincible on my bike which is a bad thing because I really don’t need to take risks. #With this and the foodstuff my parents gave me I think it will last me from now ‘til August if I control my portion sizes carefully #I put it on the credit card just so my score doesn’t go down when I need to get a car. It’s food so it shouldn’t be detrimental to it #I don’t like using the credit card. I hate the concept of a credit card. I’m the kind of person who’d rather pay everything up front #Until age seventeen I didn’t even like the idea of a debit card because I felt safer just paying in cash #Now it’s obviously more convenient because that’s how I get my paychecks and it’s a hassle to put your change away

[poisonedpan]

TwentyFirst - 04/2016 - Section 36

Finally the weekend that I’ve been waiting for has finally come. I was turning twenty-one on Sunday. Fucking finally. I was going to Vegas, but with no money as I had cut my strings with David. It wasn’t worth it anymore. At all. There was something about the way that he made me feel about myself that wasn’t worth it anymore. Also, when he was twacked out of his mind one night, he literally said “if I kill my parents, I’ll give you their life insurance.” It was so sick and psychotic. I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to be in that position. I didn’t want to deal with someone that fucking crazy either.

 I was at the airport though, awaiting my great trip to finally start happening. I’ve been dreaming of this moment since I was seventeen and had my first taste of alcohol. It wasn’t that I was an alcoholic, that’s not why I was awaiting this day. I just hated wanting to drink certain days and nobody of age would buy for me. That was not going to happen anymore.

I boarded the plane, and was on my way. My parents and sister was going to meet me at the airport. They were driving up. It wasn’t like I got to see my parents that much, so I cherished the moments that I got to see them. I wish more of my friends were coming to celebrate with me, though. I shouldn’t have had it in Vegas, especially when most of my friends aren’t twenty-one yet either.

Once I landed, I quickly got out of the airport. I ran to my parents and wrapped my arms around them. This was the moment that I was waiting for. I hugged my sister, and we were on our way. Billie, my sister, and I get along so well when we first get together. We talk so much shit about everyone. We laugh at everything. It’s nice when we get along, because after a few days of spending time together we annoy the fuck out of each other.

 My parents got a room at the Trump hotel. Which was a little disgusting. I’ve never been a fan of this dude, but my parents think he’s alright. I guess. My mom also said there was a nice deal on the room, so that probably was the main factor. The room was nice, overlooked the ghetto part of Vegas instead of the strip. I put all my stuff down. My dad and I went to go get some beers and some alcohol. Which was something I needed as I was about to bring in this new era of my life.

 Later in the night, me and my sister headed down to Planet Hollywood. We had gotten tickets to see Britney Spears. Britney Spears is literally my god. The Holy Spearit. Godney. We were in line, and my heart was beating quicker than it ever has. I was going to see someone I’ve looked up to since I had flew out of the womb. The only issue with not being twenty-one until literally the last day I was here was the fact that I wasn’t going to be drinking during the concert. That was probably the reason why I drank so much before we got here.

The doors opened, and my sister and I ran to the front of the stage. We got general admission, because it was right next to the stage. Having seats didn’t bother me, because I planned on dancing and singing my face off.

  The countdown has started and it was an hour. I watched all these other gay guys start flooding the floor. Britney was an icon for the gays. I watched the countdown, continuously tapping my foot or hitting my collarbones with my fingers. It was how I dealt with anxiety and anxiousness.

 I watched the clock fall into the final three seconds and my world lit up with magic.

 Seeing Britney Spears in person was/is forever the best moment of my life. Her music may not be soulful like Adele or Amy Winehouse, but she had this uniqueness to her that separated her from everyone else. Her music has helped me deal with my depression. It’s helped me lose weight, because it makes me want to dance. She made me feel sexy.

The concert was phenomenal. A hundred out of ten. I danced with these cougars that were next to me. They kept saying “It’s Chases birthday” I didn’t mind, call me whatever you’d like. I wanted to get some drinks from them, as they were trashed as hell. If my sister wasn’t here, I probably would have gotten some alcohol. I probably would have made out with more guys and dance with more people. I didn’t want her to see how crazy her older brother can get when he’s around a bunch of gays.

 After the concert, it was hard for me to want to sleep. My mom and dad had met up with my Uncle and Aunt and some cousins from Indiana. I didn’t know that they were coming, and on some level I was kind of annoyed that they didn’t tell me. Like it was my birthday. I laid in bed, just staring at the ceiling. I thought about how tonight had went down. I thought about how I had been feet away from Britney Spears. If this is what being twenty one is like, then I’m so happy that this is happening.

The following day, we met up with Aunt Betty and Jaymi. They were there for a cheerleading competition, but they at least pretended that my birthday had something to do with it. I loved seeing my Aunt Betty with my parents. I liked to see my parents happy, like genuinely. I knew that my dad was more like me when it came to wanting to be around family then he cares to admit, but that doesn’t bother me.

  I tried making plans with my Indiana cousins, but they were impossible to get ahold of. I wasn’t going to stress over it anymore. Either they wanted to meet up with me or not. I wasn’t going to waste my time waiting for them to come around.

 The cheerleading competition was interesting. It was for one of my little cousins, she was competing. I used to want to be a cheerleader, but when I was her age we lived in Indiana. I didn’t want to be lynched for being a queer in such an inbred short-minded town. I was so flexible though, and I had done gymnastics. I knew I would’ve been good at it. I don’t know where the idea that cheerleading was only for girls came around. All guy cheerleaders see titties more than straight guys. I’m sure of that.

We went to go get some lunch after the competition. I talked some shit with Jaymi. That was one of the only things that we could talk about. I don’t tell her anything personal, because I know that she’ll tell fucking everyone. That’s why we just talk shit about other people. I was still getting a little annoyed that none of my friends were here. It hit me in waves. Everything would be fine, and then I would remember that this is my birthday and I’m spending it kind of alone for the most part. I feel like I’m sharing the day with everyone that came on this trip.

 I sucked it up though.

I walked around the strip all night. Billie came along with me, which was nice. A part of me wanted to be alone though. I didn’t know really what it was, or what happened. I just felt like this wasn’t the birthday that I dreamt of when I was a kid. I was trying to make the most out of it, but there was something missing right now.

Drew wasn’t here, which honestly was one of the things that was bothering me the most. I always dreamt that me, her and Billie would fuck up Las Vegas on my 21st. Life goes on though.

The third night was the final night that we were going to be here. My parents and Aunt were gambling. I didn’t really care what I did today. I was going to be 21 tonight and that was the only thing that I could focus on. I stopped trying to hit up my Indiana family, because they weren’t going to come see me anyway. I was a little sad by that, but at the same time I wasn’t. My family here has my heart and care for me more than anyone else ever has. I never feel ashamed of who I am, or watch what I have to say. It’s unconditional love.

 We went to Hard Rock Cafe. I told the bartender it was my birthday and he let me have drinks. My parents took photos with me and everyone. Everyone sang happy birthday and I ate so much food that I wanted to throw up. Ordering drinks with an actual ID had become one of my new favorite things, and my debit cards least favorite thing.

 All in all, this wasn’t the birthday that I imagined it was going to be. Not at all. I was expecting more family, way more friends. Although, the people that did show up were people that I couldn’t imagine having this birthday without. I’m thankful to have my parents for driving up here and doing this for me, even though they were strapped on money. I’m thankful for my sister, for being my best friend since she was born. I honestly don’t need anyone else. I could tell her anything. I’m thankful for my Aunt, for the way that she’s helped me so much in these last few years and believed in me when I thought that people had stopped.

So, party on bitches.

 I got back to Fresno on my actual birthday. It was kind of late. I had taken Amtrak on the way home, and I ordered a bunch of alcohol to help me with the ride. It cracked me up how drunk I had gotten on the bus back to Fresno, but it was all legal now. Katherine and Trevor had picked me up from the station and we got more alcohol and then headed to my house for my birthday party.

Savannah, Gabriel, Leila, Brittany, Trevor, Brandon, Katherine, Ashley and some of my cousins all gathered at my house for a night that I was going to remember forever. I had gotten bottles of Vodka, Fireball and Tequila. We bought some weed and a piece for the bong that was broken. I realized that birthdays are overrated. It’s the people that you spend your time with is the most important part. I’m happy that I have such amazing friends sitting right here in Fresno.

Now that I was 21, I knew that things were going to be a little different now. We all took a shot together, and they sang “Happy Birthday” to me. I let myself fall into the happiness that I’ve created here.

Overall. I had an amazing birthday weekend, and I wouldn’t have traded a second of it for anything else.

#poison #chance conley #chancese world #booozeboy #journal