#You Know How It Is Folks. I'm going to write myself a script of exactly what to say and also tape it to my computer screen

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 2

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Much less than yesterday, felt sick and sleepy so barely got anything done. It was also warmer inside today.. Very much dreading summer. I still feel like the people who ~~ love warm weather sooo much~~ must also have central heating and air and are able to escape the warmth, or at least have cool airy houses where they can get cross breezes or something.. I just fail to see how ANYONE could enjoy sweating all day because it's like 75F indoors, etc. grrbb,,, the headaches, sleepless sweaty nights, constant physical discomfort, etc. The next few days look cloudy and rainy though so.. yEs.. haha HA

Got a new charger for my old 2004 nokia phone so it actually turns on now, and recorded myself going through the ringtones and games. I might add the footage to a currently not fully edited video of me also looking through other electronics (old phones, turbo twist math, etc.). I love old ringtones actually and if I were rich, I would love to collect old phones specifically just to have a catalogue of what they're like and all of the sounds they contain.

Managed to have a tiny burst of energy and take photos of 3 outfits before my arms and shoulder started hurting and I got too warm.

Sent email to one doctor.

Translated like 3 words for the Avirrekava poem thing I mentioned yesterday. My language document is not organized very well at all so I've kind of lost my flow of working on it. I've heard about people making searchable dictionary type things for their conlangs, so I'd like to look more into that maybe. As well as making a custom font, though I don't know if that's more difficult for syllabaries (so wouldn't be directly linkable to a plain english alphabet keyboard?? eh?). Anyway, I need to finish the tapestry/painting thing/etc. soon though since I have no good place to put it. The canvas is warping a little just laying haphazardly on my closet floor lol.

Made one quick mspaint background image for the next batch of song snippet things for my jokey music youtube.

Edited like 10 minutes of the Giant Worldbuilding Slideshow Project.. couldn't focus on that either since being at the computer today irritated my shoulders and arms.

Notable sights: Saw 6 baby ducks and their parents swimming in a nearby pond!! It's interesting how their colors seem to change so much, and the young ones have the little spots on their back. Not much else, I was not very active lol..

Goals moving forward: Still working on consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story lol >:T).

Notable foods: HAD ASPARAGUS YEaaaaaghhhHHHH!!!!!!!!! Asparagus SQUAD!!!!!!!!!! ... Also a few pieces of smoked gouda with lunch, one of my favorite cheeses.

#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public #declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now.. #I'm just curious to see if it helps. I know some poeple do diary style stuff or etc. on social media to help with productivity so #worth trying for like a week at least lol #tired and sleepy of being tired and sleepy though. Every day that stuff like chronic health problems or weather or etc. #interfere with me getting stuff done and it's all stuff that I've also had on my todo list for like.. weeks at this point it's like.. oughh #insurmountable tasks ever looming piling upon my shoulderes... #I've been 'supposed to call a lab to shedule blood work' for like a week and a half now and everyday I get the number #out and look at it and just go 'hmm.... sooon...' and then suddenly it's 10pm and I didn't #You Know How It Is Folks. I'm going to write myself a script of exactly what to say and also tape it to my computer screen #Sometimes that helps. lol #I dont' feel like I need a full on caretaker or something at this point but someitmes I do think like.. in a few years with my various #physical and mental issues it would be nice to have a Person Who Functions Normally Socially come visit me like once #every two weeks to help me plan things and make phone calls. Same with creative stuff too though. I bet I'd be doing something creative as #a career by now if I had like. an Assigned Neurotypical Extrovert to network for me and help me navigate things like that bjhbhj #hashtag hermit problems. etc. etc. (not just like 'a little weird and asocial' but like.. 'near complete inability to function in society' #type hermit problems lol.. #ANYWAY.. .. #Also fighting the urge to have another personality typing phase. I can feel it creeping up. My 'once every 3 months when I get very #interested in the enneagram and other stuff again' type of thing. distracting myself with worldbuilding paintings instead ghgj #why don't you do a phone call for your blood work first maybe then you can spend 3 hours reading about tritypes or whatever #I have so many interests and hobbies but a handful of Main Ones and they never go away I just seem to take turns with them #Except worldbuilding I think that's always there. Genuinely again.. wish I could find some way to work that into a career. that is the only #thing I could to 1000 hours straight at any time of day under any circumstance. Kidnap me and lock me in a basement and I will be passing #my time thinking about what type of cheese elves make and all the things I'm going to write once I escape captivity ghjhj #EVEYRHTING else though lol.. kind of comes and goes. but can be annoying when it's suddenly the only thing my mind #wants to focus on. BUT yeagh.. ANYWAY... rambling again #daily log

[unorthodox-oblivion]

what's your favorite lost season? (i know it's hard! lol)

HERE IS YOUR WARNING - IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN LOST OR IF YOU'RE STILL WATCHING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. Ok, ok, ok. I'm definitely in a pickle lol

Hard doesn't even begin to define it.

Lost is a show that makes you question things. As a first (and, for now, only) time viewer, season 1 made me question my eyes. At first glance, things might seem to be one way, but it isn't until you take a closer look that you see the full picture. While I was able to call quite a few of the "plot twists" (and I blame that solely on watching too much television and specifically studying the structure of scripted tv for a living), I still caught myself analyzing characters and situations and questioning my judgement. It feels addictive and fulfilling and like a punch in the gut and a warm hug at the same time. This could definitely be a favorite for me.

Season 2 took me on a journey I didn't expect to enjoy, which only made it all the more pleasurable. While I can appreciate sci-fi, it's not exactly a genre I gravitate towards, but the writers managed to make it interesting for me - a very picky human - and I appreciate them a little extra for it. Season 2 also introduces Desmond *insert heart eyes here*. And as a viewer, I got a few things I really wanted, which is always good. If I go for a technical analysis, cinematography, writing, editing and what not are amazing, but, in spite of that, I wouldn't rank it as my favorite. It didn't click with me as much as other seasons did.

Season 3 kept me on my toes. The more solid introduction of The Others, the uncertainty of the fate of the love triangle... We get Juliet and Ben who, with their qualities and their faults, make fantastic additions to the ensemble and add so much to the story (more than the tailies ever did, since it feels to me like they were only there to really fill a narrative gap). But it pushes the boundaries of reality a little too much for me, the sci-fi is a little less tangible for me. I do believe this was when the writer's strike in the mid-to-late 2000s was starting to come about, so maybe that has something to do with that, but I wouldn't feel confident enough to vote this as a favorite either.

Season 4 clicks for me like Season 1 did. While I don't really love the new additions to the show (all the folks whose intentions you're constantly questioning), I'm VERY fond of the flashforwards and all the character development we get to witness watching them. I'm a big fan of character development and I feel like season 4 gave me a lot of that, even with the people who weren't part of the Oceanic 6 and whose lives during those few years we didn't get to see. We learn a lot more about the Others that interact with the survivors most often. Season 4 is the season where I feel like characters start to accept the changes the island brought to their, uh... character XD.

Season 5 has its pros and cons for me. That's the season where one of my favorite characters really stresses me out, but it kind of feels like the show gets a reset and we almost get to see things through a new lens, which I find very refreshing. But then the whole Jacob thing starts being more relevant to the story and my thoughts start to do backflips trying to keep up with a mess my far-from-religious brain can't quite wrap itself around. The flashforwards continue, and that makes me happy. And we get some Suliet, which also makes me happy. But it's not enough to make it a favorite, unfortunately.

Season 6... oh, season 6. The flashsideways had me jumping up and down with joy. As someone who loves AUs and what-ifs, that fed a very specific part of my soul that didn't even know I craved such content for the actual show. I find it interesting how they drew parallels in the flashsideways as well as the island between this season and season 1. I think it was a really smart way to wrap the show and bring things together with a tiny little red bow. It plays with the nostalgia a little bit and it's interesting. I know the show's ending is controversial, but I really enjoyed it and, while some questions are "left unanswered", I don't believe they're necessary. The whole Jacob and Man in Black stuff is totally meh for me, either way and kinda puts me off when it comes to some of the stuff happening on the island through the season.

All that being said... I think I'll stick to season 1 lmao, thanks for the ask @obsessivedaydreamer and I'm so sorry you had to read through all of that (if you even made it here).

I talk way too much, but if anyone wants to talk about Lost, I'm always game.

#lost #lost series #lost abc #lost analysis #favorite season of lost #ask #ask me anything #nalu answers #oh god what have i done #this is way too long

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

House, M.D. Fanfic (11/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story.  I hope you continue to enjoy my kind of rewrite and/or additions to certain episodes! As always, I don't own House. If I did, Lisa Edelstein would have gotten the respect she deserved contact wise for a season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. We have reached extremely bumpy road territory. Buckle up, folks. This one might sting a little.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! I like to know how you like what I'm doing. Enjoy!

xxxxx

"How long have you been sleeping with Dr. House?" Tritter asked as he took a seat in her office.

Cuddy shook her head, shocked at the question. "Why would you think I'm sleeping with House?"

Tritter got that smug smirk he got when he thought he knew something. "Only reason a smart woman like you would keep a jerk like that around. You're way out of his league."

"The only reason a dean of medicine at a teaching hospital would keep a world renowned diagnostician around is because I'm sleeping with him?"

"You haven't denied it."

"I'm not sleeping with House," she crossed her arms.

"Dr. Cuddy. The guy is an ass. He treats patients like they aren't even human. How much has he cost your hospital over the years? How much has he cost you?" He asked. "I don't understand why you're protecting him."

"Dr. House saves lives... lives that other doctors can't save. If you were dying and no one else could figure out what was wrong with you, you'd want Dr. House to be the one on your case. I'm not sleeping with him. He's just that good," she stated a little more firmly, moving to open her office door to show him out. But his words had hit a nerve, asking what he'd cost her had hit a nerve. It stuck with her.

xxxxx

Later that night, House laid in her bed, one hand folded under his head, his fingers sliding over her bare back. "Heard Barnaby Jones came to talk to you today."

Cuddy breathed deeply, shifting so she could prop her head on her hand and look at him. "Detective Tritter came to accuse me of sleeping with you."

"You are sleeping with me." He turned his head to look at her.

"I lied to him. I told him I wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because sleeping with you would give him a reason to believe my judgement is compromised. It would imply that I'm hiding your drug problem. Or he would accuse me of enabling your habit."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Has sleeping with me affected your ability to practice medicine?"

"No."

"Has it compromised your ability to make professional calls where my patients or myself are concerned?"

"No, but..."

"Has your judgement been compromised? Have you been writing me scripts? Have I stolen your prescription pad? Have you been enabling my habit?"

"No..."

"Then what's the problem?" He shrugged.

"I lied to the cops!"

"You lied about sleeping with me. We've been lying to everyone else about that for months. Why are you suddenly growing a conscience about it?"

"I don't know, House, maybe because this guy has it out for you! Normally when you piss someone off, they just sue you. This guy actually has the power to get your medical license revoked and send you to jail for a long time!"

"That what you're afraid of? Don't worry, I can still place a bun in your oven. Or are conjugal visits not on your list of approved baby making fantasies?"

She sighed and moved away, turning her back to him. "Whatever you want to tell yourself, House." She was tired of fighting with him.

"You're mad at me."

"Because you're being an ass!"

"No more than usual." He thought for a moment. "This is you being hormonal..."

"I'm not pregnant, House!"

"Did you take another test?"

She sat up and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Yes! Yes, I took a damn test! I took a damn test every time you accused me of being pregnant, and guess what... still not pregnant! You weren't right!"

"This is you being upset that you're not pregnant..." he said slowly. "Look, it's only been a few months. It doesn't mean anything..."

"6 months, House. 6. It's not happening. It's not meant to happen."

"You're giving up?"

"Yes! I tried, and I failed to get pregnant. I'm done. I'm tired of trying and being disappointed. And this...arrangement..." she gestured between them, "isn't working anymore."

He stared at her for a moment. "You're ending this?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "I guess I am."

"Because I haven't gotten you pregnant? It takes most couples years to get pregnant, and you're giving up in 6 months?"

"Save it, House... you're just trying to protect your regular supply of free sex. Sorry, looks like it's back to hookers. I'm sure you've still got all their numbers."

"I don't care about the sex! I do care about you!" He was a little surprised those feelings had slipped out mid-argument. Judging by the look on her face, so was she. "Why are you so willing to give up on something that you've wanted for a long time just because it's a little hard getting there?"

She sighed softly. "Because you can't always get what you want."

"Yeah, quoting a song lyric... that's a real response," he countered. "And in case you forgot, it ends with 'You get what you need.'"

"Yeah...I'm not getting that either." She was quiet for another moment. "Goodnight, House."

xxxxx

House walked into his friend's office and sat down silently. "I've been sleeping with Cuddy," he said after several minutes.

The revelation caused Wilson to pause his reading, but he didn't look up, clearly not buying it. "House, hallucinations mean you've taken too much Vicodin."

House shook his head. "I'm not hallucinating. Cuddy and I have been having hot monkey sex."

Wilson just stared at him, trying to decide if it was true or not. "How... long has it been going on?"

"Several months. When she started fertility treatments before I was shot."

"Cuddy is taking fertility treatments?"

"Right... I didn't tell you about that either. Oops..." he stood and began to walk the office as he worked everything around in his head.

"You're trying to have a baby with Cuddy?"

He turned to look at Wilson then. "No. Cuddy is trying to have a baby with me. Weren't you listening?"

"It's the same result," Wilson leaned back in his chair then. "You've seriously been sleeping with Cuddy for months and haven't told me?"

"This isn't high school. Some of us keep our private lives private, Jimmy."

Wilson shook his head and stood up, walking over to him. "This isn't high school, but you are still in high school. If this was any other woman, you'd have bragged about it. The sheets were barely cold when you told me about Stacy. This is different. She's different." And then he realized, "You're protecting her."

"There was no protection. She wants a baby. Duh," he deflected with sarcasm.

"You're protecting her from you. You're first instinct would normally be to run and brag about sleeping with her. To use the fact that she's your boss to get your way here. And you haven't. You went against your first instinct in order to protect her. You care about her."

"I don't care about her. I'm only telling you now because it's over. She's giving up the fertility treatments. No fertility drugs, no hope for a baby, no need for the hot monkey sex," he spun his cane as he continued to think.

"You don't want it to be over. Because you care about her. She's probably the only other woman who can stand you, can handle you, and you don't want to lose her."

"Don't be ridiculous. I care about the sex. It's free... and really, really good."

Wilson studied him for a moment. "You fell in love with her, didn't you?" It was really more of a statement. His friend wouldn't be here now if all he cared about was having sex.

House stared out the window silently for several long minutes. "What do I do about it?" He turned to his friend then.

"Well, the obvious response is to tell her."

"I can't tell her I love her."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't love me."

"How do you know?"

"I just know!"

"Right, because when a woman wants a baby, her first instinct is to go to the man who's a complete jackass to her and ask him to sleep with her... for months. And you said it was going on before you were shot? So over five months."

"Six, actually," he corrected him. "What can I say,  she's got it bad for my genes."

"She's got it bad for you, House." When he didn't respond, Wilson pushed on. "Did you only have sex when she was ovulating?"

"Yes." He answered quickly. Heaving a sigh a moment later,  he continued. "At least in the beginning. Somewhere along the way the line blurred." House didn't even have to think about that. It had started that way, but the longer it went on, the more sex they had, whether or not it was time in her monthly cycle. And it wasn't just sex. There were nights when they literally slept together and nothing else.

"Then it's not just about a baby. She has feelings for you."

House sighed again. "She's the one who ended the arrangement."

"Probably because she thinks that's all you wanted and she's trying to keep herself from being hurt anymore than she already is."

"She should know that's not all it is."

"Why? Because you've told her?"

"Yes, okay?! Yes! I told her I didn't care about the sex, that I cared about her! And she still ended things!"

"When did you tell her?"

He sighed, rubbing his thumb across his forehead. "Somewhere between her telling me I would have to go back to hookers for sex and quoting the Rolling Stones 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' to me."

He shook his head with a laugh. "House, you're an idiot! She probably thinks you just said it in the heat of the moment to protect your supply of free sex. You're an addict, you've proven you'll say anything to get what you want in the past," he explained. He paused for a moment before continuing. "House, you don't exactly give off the warm and fuzzy vibe. More like the annoying, jackass vibe. Cuddy may be able to handle your particular brand of charm... she may even like it. But she can't read your mind. And a woman like Cuddy isn't going to make that leap unless she knows you're there to catch her. You've got to talk to her."

"I don't know if I can."

"Do you know if you can lose her? Because that's what's at stake here. You either talk to her, or it's over."

House breathed deeply, thinking it over before he left.

#house #house m.d. #house md #house fanfic #huddy #house x cuddy #greg house #lisa cuddy