#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme

[mademoisellesarcasme]

today in We Live In A Cyberpunk Dystopia:

the Medicaid provider with whom I've signed up has a habit of making robocalls that ensure I understand certain parts of my plan. Today I got one about "so you just had a baby! Do you need help making appointments?"

I need to stress, before we continue, that this is a phone call that I had to pick up and then plops me into a glorified phone tree. I hate these calls. They're almost never helpful.

Today's robot spent a decent chunk of the phone tree "checking in" on my emotional health and said at least twice, "Remember, I'm here for you!"

I am full of rage at this: it's a fucking robot.

Oh, and at no point did this robot (run by my health insurance provider) offer to send me a list of providers who specialise in postpartum mood disorders and are also covered by my insurance.

You bet your ass I'm writing a letter about this and sending it as far up the chain as I can get.

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #cyberpunk dystopias: you're in one #medicaid #pennsylvania medicaid

[la-voce-to-me]

AU August

Day 10

On Ao3

Chat stared at her as she put on her lipstick. They were parked slightly outside the main line of cars for the red carpet. The noise from the gala was still audible despite the distance, but they paid it no mind. Even though she could feel the weight of his green eyes on her, she continued to slowly swipe the tube over her lips.

“Do you need something?” she asked, finally snapping her compact shut.

“Is that the poison lipstick?”

Ladybug stared at her partner. His face was neutral, no sign of a joke or sarcasm given away in his usually expressive eyes. She blinked at him a few times before facing forward in the car, tapping their driver on the shoulder.

“Jade honey, your best friend better be more competent than he sounds,” she said smoothly, taking small delight in the indignant sound her partner made.

“I know how he comes off Lady, but I promise he’s the best at what he does,” the driver responded with a chuckle.

Chat huffed, slouching back in his seat with a small “unbelievable,” muttered under his breath.

“To answer you question, newbie,” a voice said, crackling to life in their ears, “having a poisonous lipstick would just make Ladybug sick. She just likes having red lips when wearing a black dress.”

“Thank you, Vixen,” Ladybug said with a clipped tone.

“Welcome Bug Babe,” Vixen replied. She could practically hear the woman stick her tongue out at the headpiece.

The next few moments were spent in silence. As much as Marinette loved her job, being Ladybug was always nerve wracking with a new partner. Her previous one had only lasted two missions before being switched to a lower tier at his request. The girl before him lasted longer, around four months, but she quit the agency after working with Ladybug.

Her team was the top tier at the agency. Jade Turtle was their man on the ground, a getaway car, a bodyguard, and informant all in one. Vixen had been Ladybug’s partner the longest until she got injured in the field, but stayed on as communication and detail master. Ladybug was the face of the operation, the only one who had a reputation, and the only one whose face was recognizable.

Working high profile cases as a new recruit had been a poor career choice, as it turned out. Her favorite missions were the ones where she could just be a secret agent- not the Lady in Red, not that one bitch who stopped an assassination by tying the hit man up with a yoyo, just Ladybug.

That’s why this one had her nervous. Jade had recommended his friend, a high profile model, to be her partner. This gala would be the first test to see if his fame could overshadow her infamy, and still be productive.

They had already attended Fashion Week together to start the rumours circulating, then fed her civilian identity to the press. It had been a month since then, and the press could not get enough of the newest couple to Paris’s fashion scene. A good cover, so long as it didn’t prevent them from doing work.

“Okay kitty, let’s move,” Ladybug said, ushering her partner outside the car.

The noise was instantaneous. The had slowly crept forward in the line of cars, until they were right in front of the gala entrance. Reporters shouted, cameras flashed, and Chat smiled. He wrapped an arm around her waist, posing every few feet on the carpet.

“M. Agreste, what do you think of the gala being announced just a week after your fathers?”

Ladybug felt her partner’s hand squeeze for a moment before he answered.

“You can really never have too many charity balls, in my opinion. If dressing up is what people need to do in order to donate to good causes, then I’m all for it,” he replied breezily.

The hand on her hip tugged them almost through the entrance until one question reached them, clearer than the rest. “Mlle Dupain-Cheng, what are your thoughts on the primary auction item this year?”

The pair of them paused, and Ladybug turned to face the reporter.

“You know, this is just awful of me but I’ve been so busy with clients that I don’t happen to know what item you’re referring to. I’m sure it’s a treasure, whatever it might be.”

“If that’s all, we’ll be heading in now…” Chat cut in, once again placing a hand around her waist. She heard the cameras clicking during the action, rolling her eyes.

They strode through the crowd, occasionally pausing when Ladybug would signal for Adrien to stop and greet someone. Their target was easy to spot but hard to track, so his casual conversation was convenient cover.

“LB, it looks like there might be an issue…” Jade said, voice low in her ear piece.

“Really,” she said, turning away from Chat with a small smile. He nodded, heading towards a group of people trying to catch his eye.

“Adrien’s dad is here…”

Chat’s head snapped towards the door, and Ladybug flinched at the action. As much as he had proved himself in the way of stealth, there were certain things Adrien just hadn’t gotten the hang of. Reacting visibly to information coming from a headset was one of those things.

Ladybug strode over to her partner, whose eyes were still fixed on the silvered head of the figure making its way into the entertainment hall. She clasped Adrien’s hand, hoping for a moment that he would understand that this was her being a friend, rather than a partner in (stopping) crime.

“Pardon me, if I could steal my date for a moment, I believe he promised me a dance,” Marinette said, addressing the curious faces of the people Adrien had been talking to. “Adrien, are you alright?”

“Why is he here?” Adrien hissed back. “He said he wasn’t coming. He said it was an offensive move from Armani to do this!”

“Adrien, look at me,” Marinette said, her voice low. He did as instructed. “Fashion politics don’t make sense. Knowing what I know of Gabriel, he could be here because he saw the answer you gave that reporter and hightailed it over here.”

“What if you have to arrest someone! He’s going to give me such grief for dating outside his approved circle…” “I can handle him, okay?”

“Stop worrying Chat, you have a mission,” Vixen interjected. Adrien breathed in deeply, and Marinette could practically see his Chat Noir mask slide back into place.

“Speaking of…” Ladybug murmured, eyes narrowing. “Kitty your dad is talking to the target. It’s the first person he’s talked to in the whole time we’ve been there.”

Chat turned slowly.

“That’s our target?”

“Didn’t you look at the file I provided?” Vixen’s voice rang shrill in their ears.

“I didn’t recognize the name and I guess she looks different in greyscale. That’s, well, I know her as one of his assistants.”

“...how did I miss that…” Vixen whispered. They could hear a lot of typing through the com, and then a small “shit.”

“Adrien, shall we claim that dance?” Ladybug asked, guiding him towards the dance floor. Many people were already swaying to the music that flowed from the orchestra. She turned to face him, clasping his shoulder. “Okay Vix, talk to me.”

“Chat I don’t think you’re gonna be happy, but I think Gabriel might be the actual target…”

“What? How could my father have anything to do with this… black market whatever?”

“That’s some pretty big news my dude, are you sure we should go through with the mission?” Jade asked.

“This is the only opportunity to retrieve the stones, regardless of who might be arrested that is our primary goal for tonight,” Ladybug cut in, resting her head on Adrien’s shoulder.

He smiled at her tightly, seeming to be caught between appreciating the comforting gesture and realizing his father might be behind one of the largest artifact heists in history.

The music slowed to a stop, and they turned to applaud the orchestra. A man in a tuxedo walked onto their stage, taking a microphone from the podium.

“Welcome everyone to the Harvest Charity Ball, hosted by Armani and the Human Rights League! We will shortly be starting the silent auction, so please continue to dance and mingle, but do not forget to take a look at the auction items!” There was chatter as the announcer paused, smiling widely.

“Of course, the main object of the silent auction is a guided tour for inspiration, donated by Gabriel Agreste!”

Ladybug scrunched her brow, shooting a look to her partner. He wore a matching confused expression. Suddenly, she remembered the reporters question from outside.

“Did she ask me because I’m an up and coming designer, or was that a hint?”

Chat seemed to understand what the question referred to. The clapped politely as the rest of the big name silent auction pieces were announced, and turned to each other once the music began again.

“Lady, I can’t find anything about the big auction piece being announced before today, I think you should find that reporter…” Vixen said, worry creeping into her voice.

“I couldn’t see who it was, but I think she went inside after you two…” Jade said.

“Okay, after this song we’ll look,” Chat said, letting the first impish smile of the night creep onto his face.

They didn’t have to wait until the end of the song, however. As soon as the music hit its peak, the lights cut out. Ladybug pulled out the small knife she kept sheathed in the shoulder of her dress, while Chat let his hand rest on the staff hidden under his jacket.

“Follow me,” a small voice said, appearing between them and gone just as fast. They looked at each other, then back where the voice had been. A swath of red slipped around a nearby pillar. They followed slowly, trying to jostle as few people as possible.

“He needs to be stopped,” the voice said again, just as the red cloth disappeared around a corner.

“Wait here,” Ladybug said. Chat obeyed, resting against a wall.

The room was as dark as the main hall had been, but there was one item on a silent auction table that seemed brighter than all the rest. She crept forward, looking around the room for the voice that had led her there.

The item was a simple but high end coat. She reached out to run a hand along the silhouette of the coat, when she felt a rush of power seep through her hand.

“My name is Tikki. I am the goddess of creation. Do not be afraid, my dear ladybug. I need to save my siblings.”

The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, seeming to originate from her own body. She let out a gasp, causing Chat to rush into the room.

“Your eyes-” was all he got out before his own began to emit a small but definite glow.

“Ah, your Chat Noir is here too. Plagg will instruct him as I will instruct you. Listen carefully…”

Ladybug was having a hard time understanding what exactly was going on, but the calm that had seeped into her bones made following Tikki’s guidance easy. She knew with certainty that this was the right thing.

The coat was a disguise from the buyer- there were several sacred artifacts sewn into various places of the coat- artifacts that apparently contained the spirits of gods. She deftly undid the coat, handing each of the artifacts to Chat. Just as the last one had been freed, the lights came back on.

“Adrien, son. What are you doing here?”

Tikki’s presence fled with the return of the lights, allowing Marinette to take back over.

“We happened upon this room when I was looking for the restroom, and I couldn’t help but notice- this coat is your handiwork, is it not?”

Gabriel seemed to only notice Marinette after she had spoken.

“Ah, Mlle. Dupain-Cheng, very astute. This designer does have a very similar construction to my own but…” His voice trailed off as he fingered the opened seams.

Marinette took the moment to snap one of the black handcuffs that had been previously embedded to the lining of a pocket in her dress. Gabriel looked at the metal around his wrist, then back to the woman holding them.

“This is how your mother and I met,” he said, turning to Adrien. “I’ll go quietly, not to cause a scene.”

“Your son had nothing to do with this,” Marinette couldn’t help but say.

Gabriel’s impassive face turned into a soft smile.

“Neither was I when I first became her partner.” “We’re not partners in crime,” Adrien said softly.

“But partners nonetheless,” Gabriel said.

#ml fanfic #secret agent AU #adrinette #ladynoir #au yeah august #au where gabe and mamagreste were criminals

[mademoisellesarcasme]

.

I need to sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and the internet and some seriously intense numbers and figure out how the fuck people are supposed to climb out of the "I qualify for Medicaid" hole without going into debt or dying or whatever. Ideally it would be a solution that allows for a family to live a family life. I don't know.

It's been way too long since I prayed about all of this. I think I need to go pray and cry about it.

And in the meantime, I need to do things. Life goes on. Chop wood, carry water. Or in this case: sweep floor, cook dinner. It'll help.

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #money and job and life and future #really i feel like i'm balancing a lot of my own expectations up against reality #and the 'some day this will be better/different' is turning into 'maybe we just need to live with this' #anyway i'm gonna cry about this later #right now i need to start rice for dinner and damp-mop the floor and get the toddler up

[mademoisellesarcasme]

q scene:

it is my first day solo parenting two children. I have just finished nursing Bun and putting him down for one of the five gazillion naps newborns take every day. meanwhile Loaf has been entertaining herself in the main room.

I emerge from my bedroom, ready to commend Loaf for her patience, to see ... she has my coffee cup, and there's coffee all over her AND the floor.

"uh-oh! coffee!!!" she announces, sloshing even more coffee onto the old hardwood floor.

I reclaim the coffee cup and fetch paper towels to clean the floor.

"what have we learned today?" I asked Loaf as we both mopped up the mess.

"coffee fwoooor. cween. uh-oh!!"

"okay, do we touch Mama's coffee cup?"

"No."

"very good."

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme

[mademoisellesarcasme]

working out some thoughts about food and upbringing

I have two kids and no energy. I now think that when my mother spoke frequently about how she cooked from scratch, it was intended to be a flex of how good she was: look at me, I have multiple children and still cook every dinner from scratch. It was a marker of the work involved. (never mind the fact that she refused to plan meals and often wouldn't start cooking until 6 or 7pm, so dinner was often quite late, and this caused significant tension between her and my father. they're both in the wrong here -- he wasn't great about changing meal plans, apparently, if something came up.)

but I heard it as a marker of the quality of the food made and subsequently considered myself a failure when I couldn't bring myself to cook my college meals from scratch -- so I just didn't eat any at home if I couldn't cook because I didn't stock ready-made anything. No Food was better than Bad Food. It took me until fourth year to accept frozen chicken nuggets into my life (dino shaped, for joy). I was twenty-one.

and to this day I carry around a lot of bad associations with that sort of nutritional assessment, and I need to catch myself before I buy back into them. But they're everywhere, especially in places that offer food assistance (WIC, Healthy Foods Program, etc), and at this point in my life I really do need that assistance.

... but. all those foods will still need preparation. and when I'm too hungry to think, I'm too hungry to cook. So by insisting I hold to Healthy Foods I'm once again bound by my own energy limitations.

all this is to say: I love you, frozen chicken nuggets. I love you, freezer potatoes of all kinds. I love you, tasty one-serving freezer meals. I love you, chocolate milk for a quick hit of power and protein. I love you, "bad" foods, and I'm sorry I took so long to welcome you into my life. You help me feed myself and my children.

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #tw disordered eating (mild) #it's my blog and i can publicly process if i want to

[mademoisellesarcasme]

me: I'm nursing a one-week-old, so I am absolutely exempt from fasting today.

Bun: guess what it's cluster feed and contact nap ALL DAY

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #shaping a Bun #the Lord has seen fit that I must have some sacrifice above my regular duties #it's 'you're now attached to this baby all day' time #blargh.

[mademoisellesarcasme]

thinking about Chess: the Musical again and how it's objectively terrible at Being a Musical, Telling a Story, Having Compelling Characters, and yet i love it for some unknown reason (the music slaps)

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #chess the musical

[mademoisellesarcasme]

baby had, no induction needed! his internet name is Bun. He is lorge.

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #shaping a Bun #Youtube

[mademoisellesarcasme]

in which I complain about bad nutritional advice and weight again

had a WIC appointment today to enroll Bun. Mentioned that I really wish we had whole-fat dairies, since it makes you feel full more; nutritionist on staff is still of the "it clogs your arteries and makes people fat" belief.

I'm eligible for 2% milk because I'm breastfeeding and "because [I] didn't gain a whole lot of weight this pregnancy" (please note: I LOST weight this pregnancy. My normal weight hangs out around 155lbs. I weighed in today at 149.) but I find it abominable that if you DID gain "too much" weight in pregnancy (there's a fuckton of hormones involved, it can happen to anyone) then you won't be eligible to receive 2% milk and will continue to be shunted to the 1% or skim category. It sucks.

I hate that this stuff is still kicking around so hard and that it's what dictates government assistance.

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #government assistance

[mademoisellesarcasme]

I got the part-time law job! They're very happy to work with me on the whole "about to have a baby, unknown start date" issue. I'm really excited!

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #i am going to make this system run SO SMOOTHLY

[mademoisellesarcasme]

the siblings have met.

Loaf absolutely adores Bun. She loves him with the wild abandon of a two year old whose idea of restraint is an aggressive smack and a headlock.

Bun is fascinated by Loaf and remembers all his bodily needs as soon as she leaves his presence.

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #raising a Loaf #shaping a Bun #the family breadbox

[mademoisellesarcasme]

lost a significant battle last night and have to regroup and lick my wounds. we live to fight another day but the end is nigh

((translation: night of false labour that didn't progress or develop even when helped along a bit, contractions doing nothing. regrouping and changing tactics, but also scheduled an actual induction for Friday morning))

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #I'm so tired

[mademoisellesarcasme]

5am sappyposting

as Loaf gets bigger and even more full of personality, I've been loving watching my husband grow into his relationship with her, too. it's just really delightful to watch them get up to antics together, or see him delight in doing things to make her laugh. (kiddo giggles are a hell of a drug, admittedly, but even so)

#trying to fall back asleep but too full of love and back pain to rest well #a day in the life of mlle sarcasme

[mademoisellesarcasme]

today i did a quick google search to see if there's an upper limit on how many mandarins you can let a toddler have in a day/sitting and found a quora answer that was generated by AI and i'm still mad about it

(the real answers were, of course, in a reddit thread on r/toddlers. "as many as they want but they can have upset tummies and nasty diaper rashes about it" is the answer. This is reassuring. Loaf ate ten today.)

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #i HATE how many things are AI “”written“” now #like what the fuck would it kill you to NOT list an answer

[mademoisellesarcasme]

when your spouse is rehearsing several philosophy-heavy classes, sometimes he trots out the explanation techniques on the toddler when her books allow for it

anyway i just overheard/commented upon a full decision/moral analysis of "Should I Share My Ice Cream?"

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #raising a Loaf #she dutifully said “yeah” to every addendum

[mademoisellesarcasme]

i think it's very unfair that i can have basically zero contractions during the day but as soon as i lay down to sleep i find myself waking up every 1.5-3hrs with one really gnarly one and it's JUST enough to be ANNOYING

#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme #pregnancy whining #i AM going to whine until this baby is outside now