#a little fucking stupid silly idiot. anyway enjoy the creatures

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

God of War (PS4) Review: Kratos’ Postal Grief Beard Versus Norse Mythology

Once upon a time, a man was born by the name of Cory Barlog and thus a coin was flipped. Would he become a videogame developer or would he take up guarding the Mines of Moria by pulling wizards into a precipice? Those really are the only two options with a name like Barlog. Anyway, apparently the Mines of Moria were a bit of a commute, so the world gained a talented Auteur developer with a unique vision for a game series about going postal in ancient Greece. Fast-foward a number of years specifically calculated to make you feel old and ancient Greece is a distant memory. Norse mythology is where all the cool kids hang out nowadays, and that’s where we’re going in today’s review.

As you might have guessed, I’ve just finished playing God of War (PS4), which is fun to say because it rhymes. It’s a very good game that should be a very bad game. When considering modern media artefacts, I’m often prompted to ask the question ‘what went so wrong?’, but this may be the first time I’ve had to ask the question ‘what went so right?’.

Let me explain: God of War 4 (I don’t care that they don’t put the number on the box art, that’s what it fucking is) makes a single, monumentally stupid creative decision that should ruin the entire enterprise, but doesn’t. And that creative decision was- wait for it- a stab at maturity.

The last time we saw Kratos- the world’s angriest mythical being- he was finishing his battle with the Greek gods in God of War 3. There was a moment in that game which, to me, typified what was so great about the series. If I recall the sequence of events correctly, you kill your way through an ocean of expendable goons and critters who are just trying to defend their home on Mount Olympus, dripping with blood and screaming furiously, then wander into the bedroom of one of ancient Greece’s sauciest goddesses and play a sex minigame that you win by fucking her so well that her handmaids orgasm too. Then you toddle outside again and, head cleared, solve an incredibly complex and cerebral puzzle involving non-Euclidean geometry and perspective manipulation that takes bloody ages. That, in a nutshell, was the core identity of the original God of War: a gleefully unrestrained and immature approach to sex and violence coupled with a grouchy willingness to make unsuspecting players feel like fucking idiots for no reason whatsoever. It was awesome. In contrast, God of War 4 picks up many, many years later with Kratos hiding out in Midgard of the Norse mythos and, for once, he hasn’t got a nark on and he’s not trying to stick his cock in someone with cartoonishly huge knockers. He’s just sad because his missus has passed away, leaving him and their young, impressionable son alone in a big, scary world full of trolls and ginger psychopaths. ‘Sad’ isn’t a completely new emotion for Kratos, but, up until this point, he was usually sad in a way that resulted in five hundred people getting their spines broken in a very colourful manner. Now he just wants to cremate the remains of the woman he loved and carry her ashes to the tallest peak in the nine realms so he can scatter her in accordance with her final wishes. And that’s what he does, with son- Atreus- in tow. It’s a twenty-plus hour game in which the objective is very simply to honour someone’s preferred funeral rites- nothing more, nothing less. It’s very modest by Kratos usual standards. Remember that his stated goal in the previous game was to punch freakin’ Zeus so hard that his face would go all concave and then repeatedly stamp on his corpse.

We never actually find out much about what Kratos was up to between games or how he met his wife. However, he’s a bit thiccer than in previous instalments and seems to have lost the use of the ‘jump’ button outside of context-sensitive environments. On that evidence, I choose to believe he’s been running a small but successful family restaurant called ‘Kratos’ Potatoes’ and enjoying it all a bit much. And why not? He beat up Zeus- if he just wants to create and sample homely yet exotic Greco-Norse fusion cuisine while growing a ridiculous straggly dad-beard, I say let him crack on. Actually, is it a ‘dad beard’ or is it a ‘grief beard’? I think they send them to videogame characters in the post whenever a loved one dies so they can signal to the world how sad they are through the medium of angsty facial hair. But where was? Oh yeah: cracking on with it.

Y’see this is where the plot comes in: the Norse gods won’t let Kratos crack on. They’re determined to make him bow before Odin- especially Baldur, who is way too invested in having a fight with Kratos for reasons that won’t become apparent until very late in the game. They just keep turning up and trying to break Kratos and his increasingly like-him-but-not-as-good-at-it son Atreus. This time around, our heroes commit heinous acts of violence to defend themselves, not enact revenge, as they travel, inexorably, to the top of a lonely mountain through landscapes of stunning natural beauty and many, many hostile creatures.

Of course, Kratos taking his son on a hiking holiday with added troll-murder and the occasional slap-fight with Norse mythology’s biggest killjoys doesn’t sound as interesting as the original games. After all, those were basically a production of Kill Bill in which the part of Bill was played by a guy with the power to summon lightning bolts and access to a seemingly unstoppable army of monsters and demigods. The ‘fun factor’ even seems to have taken another downgrade, in that Kratos no longer operates with the entertainingly demented passion of the insane: he has been tempered by time and love and managed to turn himself into a paragon of serious self control. So why is God of War 4 so bloody good? Partly, I suspect, the answer lies in the constantly evolving relationship between Kratos and Atreus, which gives the story an unbelievable amount of heart and always manages to feel very organic. Kratos never learned how to be a parent, and we essentially watch him do it in real time, forming a bond with his son that seems impossible at the start of the game and inevitable by the end. Partly, the games greatness lies in the characters you meet along the way, who range from bickering dwarves to talking, decapitated heads who prattle on like laid-back tour-guides. Partly, it’s in the beautiful, epic landscapes that make the journey across the Realms to the highest peak feel epic and significant, even while it is small and personal.

But a videogame is nothing without gameplay, and it is here that God of War 4 really shines. I loved the original God of War trilogy (especially the third instalment), but I rarely felt like I was playing as, y’know, a god of war. Kratos might not be an uncontrollable whirlwind of fury any more, but he feels truly powerful for the first time in the ongoing series. In fights, every punch feels like it could crack stone; every axe-throw like it could rend the sky; every chain-whip like it could legitimately start a forest-fire. Out of combat, Kratos moves around the environment with the stolid grace of a man who knows his movements are inevitable; irresistible; an imposition on the environment that can’t be denied. You climb and complete elaborate, complex traversals knowing that the satisfaction you feel isn’t just the satisfaction of finding the correct route or solving an obstacle, but the satisfaction of a being forcing his way through a landscape that resists him at every turn but cannot stop him. The puzzles- of which there are many- strike the perfect balance between conceptual trickiness and ease of execution to remind you that Kratos is smart as well as determined; that his mind is as indomitable as his body. Then there are the little touches involving heaving huge stone pillars and similar unnecessarily over-the-top efforts. In short, the gameplay is interwoven with who Kratos is- with what he is in way that seems completely unprecedented. Even the RPG elements feel  appropriate: they reflect the protagonist’s growing confidence in a skillet he hasn’t used in a long, long time.

Do I miss the uniquely juvenile, over the top identity of the old games? Absolutely: I’m a great fan of gratuitous gore and scantily clad women with big fuck-off swords. Usually, I find the desire for maturity in games to be a silly, pretentious trend that foolishly eschews anything obviously ‘fun’ for no reason other than courting the respect of people whose respect isn’t worth having. But I don’t think that’s what’s going on here- at least, not entirely. The developers of the God of War games are clearly artisans and craftsmen of extreme talent: their attention to detail is superb and their ability to weave a good tale from a simple premise is actually a little daunting for someone who considers himself a bloody good story-teller. It’s worth remembering that the de facto head of the studio, Barlog, became a father himself before commencing work on this game about a father learning to bond with his son. It feels personal and meant because it is. Other games might reach for superficially mature themes like family and redemption for altogether cynical reasons. God of War 4 does it because such thoughts are clearly much on the developer’s mind. I asked already ‘Do I miss the identity of the old games?’ and the answer is still yes. But that question deserves a follow-up: am I willing to embrace the identity of this new, quieter God of War anyway? And yes, yes I am.

But if we could have a few more women with enormous knockers and Kratos going properly batshit just once or twice in the next sequel, that would also be welcome. I mean, let’s try to strike a balance here, people, for pity’s sake.

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer #God of War #God of War 4 #god of war sequel #Kratos #Zeus #norse mythology #greek mythology #videogames #game review #games

[a-collection-of-villainous-aus]

What do Short Hat and Acylius do their first Christmas? If they do gifts, what do they give to one another? Past Coffee Shop AU 😏

🤔 First present

Black Hat can see Acylius and Cruentus putting up all these decorations like he has some rough idea that in this holiday people eat and get together, he's seen humans running around like mad people on the brief occasions he's visited the human world.

But like he only knows one thing about it.

It's a holiday to celebrate the birth of Gods son...and well he and Acylius and Cruentus are demons... So what in the literal fuck is going on here.

Acylius is currently up a ladder helping to hang some decoration or other, so Black Hat climbs up the ladder behind him and is starting to worry Acylius will be affronted he is even about to ask this... But if there's one thing he knows, it's how to appear cute to Acylius, he's been learning that he can literally turn the prestigious demon into putty at times.

Tugging gently on the tails of Acylius's jacket he waited for him to turn at look at him, as he did Black Hat took off his top hat, fluffy cat ears laid back as he looked up at him.

He could practically see Acylius melt into a goopy pile of just wanting to pick him up and give him the world...it made the shorter demon just love him more if he was honest.. But at this point he still wasn't brave enough to even tell him he was head over bloody heels for this ridiculous tree.

"Yes Black Hat?"

Oh how warm and soothing his voice was, he could read instructions to from a manual a and make it sound like a novel.

"Why exactly do you celebrate Christmas... We are demons and well...this is a holiday about..."

He pointed up, pretty much a universal statement for upstairs / heaven.

"Well yes it is... But there are aspects even us down here can appreciate...not all of us can love but those who can...well we find it a time to spend it with those we care for and... I decorate our home like this because it looks pretty, there are festivities to enjoy like making the Christmas meal together, presents and mistletoe...but the best part is getting to spend it with people I love. "

Cruentus was watching them, hoping the shorter demon would finally friggin catch on his master was just as head over heels for Black Hat, but alas both of them were bloody clueless, adorable and frustrating.

"Oh...presents is that part of the tradition?"

Hat answered, though he seemed a little distant, inside he was panicking as much as that scene in spongebob where in his mind he couldn't remember his name, thinking WHAT DO I GET HIM, WHAT CAN I GIVE HIM WHAT WOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.

"Yes it is but you do not need to worry yourself, or feel the need to partake in what we celebrate, but I do hope you will join us for the meal at least."

Acylius smiled and Hats heart skipped a beat it was always so kind and genuine, a rare thing to see in this world amongst demons who usually were always grasping for things.

"I would be honored to...may I be excused?"

"Of course you silly bastard, I have told you before you have free roam of the house, just not Cruentus's room, after all that is his placr and we respect others privacy."

The taller of the two chuckled.

Hat nodded and managed a smiled before climbing back down the ladder only to keep his gaze up, Acylius was hanging decorations once more but Cruentus saw out the corner of his eye, Black Hat checking out Flugs rear and only smiled to himself, idiots...the both of them he thought affectionately.

So for Days Hat listened and paid ridiculous attention to everything Acylius said and looked out for every detail anything the demon might want or need, but what the hell did you give a demon who could buy everything! Could get anything he wanted at any time!

He was face down on the kitchen table one night when Acylius had gone to bed practically giddy, they'd even hung him a stocking over the fireplace, they made him feel so welcome... He'd made Cruentus some ear warmers, after all he'd taught himself how to become a tailor and most ear warmers were never properly made he'd learned just so customers would have to pay more by going back and getting them fitted.

He personally didn't like when his ears were cold so thought the hell hound humanoid would appreciate the gesture.

But what did he get the demon he adored.

Scrubbing his hands down his face he heard Cruentus coming down the stairs.

The hell hound looked at Black Hat, he really was short sitting at the end of that large oak table with a candle burning.

Sighing he came and sat beside him.

"What is the problem short one?"

"You are not much taller yourself."

Black Hat huffed, folding his arms but he could not stay offended, he was too tired from worrying what to get Acylius.

"I... I do not know what to get him...I want to show my appreciation...and..."

"He likes useful things...or things that just made you think of him...he does not care if it was a coin or found on a side walk, you could literally pick up a stone say you thought it looked pretty and you thought he might like it and the fact that you felt that way would make it worth more to him than those stupid presents rich suitors will try and give him."

Cruentus looked side to side and whispered

"We usually donate them to charity or burn them...another tradition heh."

That made Black Hat stall before he had to cover his mouth to stop himself from letting out a loud laugh and possibly waking Acylius.

Well he had heard Acylius complaining about one thing and thanked Cruentus before running off upstairs to his room.

Cruentus leaned back and put his feet on the table smiling, they really were bloody idiots, he was rooting for them so hard it was like when people watched their shows on Earth and shipped characters in a show or series.

The next morning.

Acylius knocked on Black Hats door and barely gave him a chance to answer before bursting in with the biggest silliest grin, oh god was he actually being this... Stupid cute, seeing a six ft seven demon jump excitedly onto the bed like a child was...adorable.

Why, why, why weren't they together he wanted to kiss that big silly smile of his he also heard a squeak sound from the thing he was carrying and blinked as he saw Acylius cooing over the box saying it was alright and apologising... What the hell.

He tilted his head in fascination and watched him

"What is that?"

Black Hat inquired, pointing at the box, coming forward like a animal curious about the new thing in the home.

"This is your present, I really really hope you like it...if your heart does not melt you have no soul."

Acylius giggled, pushing the box into his hands

"But I don't have a soul and nor do you... Do you?"

"I do actually...because my mother...who we do not speak of in this home was human... Anyway present, look at it now please please!"

How could Hat resist and also...that was...what could he say about Acylius having a soul for a demon that was rare as you could possibly get.

He opened the box and inside he found the fluffiest black kitten staring up at him wearing a red bow...

"I found her, being bullied by children for her colour...she was alone and helped her to get better...she reminded me of you..."

"Because of my ears?"

Hat asked flatly

"No silly, because despite the world treating her poorly, she survived, she will grow into a strong huntress, sleek and elegant, and show that she is far more than a sign of bad luck, she is just as worthy of being cared for as anyone else...just like you are. "

Hat swallowed and feigned that fur had gotten in his eye before reaching out, letting her sniff his hand, her tiny nose booping his finger tips before nuzzling into his palm.

"No doubt you gave her a ridiculous name?"

"It is not ridiculous, it is cute..."

"What is it?"

"Mew mew loaf."

"Why that?"

"Because cats mew and do that thing where they lay down and tuck their legs under them, people call it loafing so...that is why...you can change it if you want..."

Flug explained, voice trailing off and ears going down a little

"Never...that explanation was too perfect a reminder of what a ridiculous demon you are...also I love this tiny loaf creature you have given me...she is perfect."

Mew mew loaf was already climbing on Black Hat and sitting in his lap mewing and playing with the tassel of the shorter demons night cap.

Damn it she was so.... Argh he felt disgustingly gooey.

He loved her already.

"I made you something but I am currently trapped under this tiny thing... I somehow feel guilty if I move now... It's under the bed."

Acylius's ears perked up again, happy to see her loved the little kitten, though the fact Hat had something for him was certainly a surprise.. He bent over the bed, ass up in the air, night shirt sliding up, revealing more than he realised as Hat's eye went wide... Hoooolllly is.. Was that his.... He covered Mew mews eyes, she should not be seeing that.

Acylius retrieved the gift and gently poked at it, oooo it felt soft, it was wrapped in news paper at first Hat started to internally panick because it wasn't in some fancy paper but he soon found Acylius was too busy unwrapping it and clearly didn't care what type of paper it was in.

There was silence all apart from Mew mew loaf purring contentedly.

Acylius was looking over a beautiful blue scarf, long thick warm, knitted with cat ears resembling Black Hats knitted at either end, he held it and nuzzled it.

"Finally a scarf long and thick enough...and in my favorite shade of blue...you made this?"

Acylius asked gently

Hat couldn't believe how the tree was reacting to the scarf as if it were some sacred treasure, he was ready to apologise for It being a terrible gift and was now deflating like a balloon as all the tension left him.

"I did..."

"I adore it, thank you so so much for this.. I know there is no mistle toe above us but would you mind awfully if I kissed your cheek?"

Hats pupil dilated so wide it made his eye almost seem black, ACYLIUS COULD KISS HIS WHOLE DAMN BODY IF HE WANTED and he was asking permission...it, how was he...maybe he could try his luck.

"No... But perhaps I might accept a kiss on the lips..."

He smirked inside was screaming what if that insults him what if he says no and what if... Oh... Oh his lips were warm...he could feel the scars, how the skin dipped a little, it wasn't even a peck, Acylius was holding his face gently, the kiss was tender, lingering touch and their eyes closed.

It may not have been quick but it ended far too soon, he would dream of that kiss for the rest of his life.

If that was all he ever had, he knew he'd felt heaven in that touch.

Acylius was silent and still staring, was he going to kiss him again... Please... Please...

But the tree only pulled the shorter demons night cap down and ran off

Shouting

"I will see you downstairs for pancakes!"

Black Hat fell back against the pillows huffing

"That...insufferable...wonderful idiot."

Mew Mew loaf simply mewed but the demon had a feeling she was agreeing with him.

#past coffee shop #pre coffee shop #coffee au #Paperhat #Acylius flug #Plz forgive errors and stuff I wrote this on the spot

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 3 Part 11

The beginning of our little trip in France. I hope you’ll like it as much as i did writing it.

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Friday March 1

Fate was messing around with him lately. The Dean's grandson, a gifted sexual hunter, who had the natural skill to please absolutetly everyone in bed, was doing some idiotics stuffs with his boyfriend. And I like it. They were leaving for France this evening, but before that, Liam wanted to do something for his bestfriend's birthday. And that was why he, Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey, was doing shopping. Me, wandering in a mall to find a present. I'm doing the errand, that's not normal at all. Since his baboon had lessons to attend to, he had volunteered to find a... a thing. It was a new fairy figurine from a collection that Nate had been looking for since its release. But the blond junior had been searching in three stores so far, and he hadn't found this shitty fairy yet. According to Liam, it was famous and easy to find. Easy my ass. Fuck this boyfriend, I can't say no when he puckers. Anyway, the Dean's grandson had enough of this shit. He took his phone and called Nancy straight away.

"Pussy in fire to the god of sex, do you need any assistance ?" she answered quite fast.

The lad felt a bit relieved when he heard her voice. At least someone who still sees me for what I am. It was so infuriating to act like a nice boyfriend sometimes... Even if a part of him loved it.

"I'm looking for a fukin' doll. I mean a fuckin' fairy figurine newly released... Hell, it's for a friend, of course."

"Of course."

Her tone said she didn't trust him at all. Now this is a real shame. First, Archie had discovered his relationship with the baboon. Nancy wasn't stupid either, she would find out soon. What will happen to my reputation, I wonder ?

"I got this Little Fairy Stephania which is quite rare. There's one copy in a shop near your university."

"That's what I bloody need." Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey sharply stated. "What do you want in exchange for the adress ?"

"Well... I was craving for a new pick of your butt since three days so..."

Once he got back home, the young man made diner. Well, more like a feast. Since Nick's flat was kind of small, they all agreed to make Nate's birthday party here. They hadn't much time anyway : their departure to France was at ten pm. It had been a long time since I've invited this many people here... Well, except for threesomes. No sex tonight of course. Only this dummy Liam and his friends with their pathetic silliness. Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey was almost done with the cake when he heard a knock at the door. Who the hell is bothering me ? They can't be there yet. He opened, frankly pissed, and stared at a girl.

"Hi, I'm Leila Hart." she introduced herself. "I'm the secretary of the women defense club."

"Yeah, and you can go fuck yourself right back in the trash you come from. I'm busy."

He tried to close the door, but she put her foot in the way.

"D.R sent me." she declared. "I have a message for you."

The Dean's grandson looked daggers at her. What on earth D.R wants ?

"Talk, pasty."

From times to times, D.R would send a minion instead of coming herself. At first, he had felt a bit insulted, but he got used to it. After all, it was an opportunity to have sex. But not tonight. I have priorities. To be calling the baboon his priority, he couldn't believe himself.

"She only wants to be sure you'll protect our student abroad. I'm here to remind you the rules. May I come in ?"

"Definitely not, you idiot." he grumbled. "I already know the stuff, stupid. And do not even dare ask me about it. Just leave."

This asshole hesitated. But when she glimpsed his eyes, she decided to obey. Good. At last, he could go back to his cooking.

At first, this birthday diner went mainly well. Liam and Nick managed to have some fun, and Nate eventually loosen up. As for Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey, well, all this nonsense wasn't his cup of tea but... I must admit, whenever I see my baboon smiling like that, I'm melting. However, the lad was a bit pissed by Nate's appetite. This moron wasn't eating at all. While the two glutton were finishing everything, Liam's bestfriend showed no interest in the food. It hurt the chef at two level. Mainly because he was a fucking good cook, and everyone loved his cuisine. But also because he could feel Liam sadness about it. I agreed to help this dwarf, but I don't like him for all that.

"Why are you all grumpy ?" whispered his boyfriend at his ear.

"I'm not grumpy." mumbled Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey. "I'm only thinking."

Liam took his hand and kissed him.

"I know this isn't perfect, and I know you don't trust people easily but please, be patient. I'm sure you'll love Nate with time."

How the hell do you guessed I was pissed about Nate ? This dreamy baboon could be very observant sometimes.

"Fine. I'll make an effort."

Liam Saturday March 2 – Sunday March 3, in France

The unicorns advised him to be careful in France. He lengthly thought about what it meant. Nate was improving, and he had admitted he was glad to have celebrated his birthday. But maybe the magical creatures sensed another peril... Liam did his best to be wary during the flight, but he quickly lost track of time. When they arrived to France, Dami had to wake him up because he had fallen asleep (with the time difference, he was struggling to stay awake anyway). They went to the hotel, where he was sharing a room with Nate and Nick. And for the saturday, their professor gave them free time.

"We won't start the group project before monday." decided Nick. "We'll visit the economics department on tuesday anyway. So let's take advantage of Paris guys."

They did as he suggested. Liam had a lot of fun visiting museum (well, in truth he didn't even remember what museum they went in, because Dami was always distracting him). (No, he wasn't distracted all by himself, it was his boyfriend's fault this time). Nate relaxed a bit, and he seemed to get back a little of his joie de vivre. Frenchs people were nice (they often insulted Liam to be so slow, but he supposed it was their way to be polite). (Several girls also tried to take Colton and him to go out, but they always declined). (Dami declined for him which his usual sweetness : "get lost bitches !"). And so the weekend went well. However, Paris had another good thing to offer : food. There were restaurants everywhere, and they offered delicious dishes. In order to make the most of it, they tried as much establishment as possible. Liam's boyfriend paid for almost everything, but the chestnut lad had also saved a bit for the occasion. Nick and him finished the day more than full. Even Colton and Nate were eating way more than usual. But everything tasted so succulent ! Liam couldn't hold himself but devour absolutely everything they had on the menu. On Sunday's evening, they entered a restaurant called Chez Bocher. They proposed a food challenge which attracted the young students.

"We definitely should try this." said Nick, more than happy to be there. "I'm sure Liam can do it, and it'll be a free meal."

C'mon, I'm not that gourmand. Don't put too much hope on me. Honestly, he was eager to try. He quickly checked on Nate. His bestfriend outlined a smile.

"I guess it can be fun." he whispered. "At least if you think you can manage to eat the whole thing ?"

"You're warned, I'm not paying if you fail baboon." intervened Dami. "Your call."

Even Colton seemed curious to see that. They're all so insistent. (Yeah, nobody insisted, but it was Liam's excuse for what he was about to do.) (He just wanted to test his limit so badly !).

Maybe it was a bad idea after all. Only the unicorns knew how much he already ate. But he had still two plates to finish in order to win the challenge. He was so stuffed. His belly was hard as a rock, like a giant basket ball underneath his now too tight sweater. He had openned his belt and trousers a while ago, to let his stomach expand freely. I don't know if I can do this. It was more food than Dami ever gave him. He wasn't used to such an amount anymore. But the cheerings of his friends were pushing him beyond his limits.

"I mean, that's truly incredible." spilt Colton after a while. "What an appetite."

"I didn't know you had this in you." added Nick. "That's amazing."

"Guys... Imma collapse..." confessed Liam with a loud burp.

He managed to eat two more mouthfuls with reluctance. It was painful. Each morsel of food was pushing further his distented belly. He glimpsed Dami who was texting someone. His boyfriend wouldn't help in front of everyone, since they were still a secret. (Well, Nick and Nate knew, but not Colton). (Or he didn't say it). (And anyway, Liam knew that his boyfriend was a bit sadistic, he would let him suffer).

"I'm sure you can do it." assured Nate with a grin. "My bestfriend isn't a quiter."

He was apparently enjoying the whole thing. Glad to know you're having fun.

"Burp. I will do my.... burp best..."

With slowness, he cleared the next plate. One left. Unicorns please, send help. He felt like a soon-to-explode balloon. His hand rubbed diligently his overstuffed midsection. It was so round, so big.

"C'mon baboon. Let's get this done." grumpled Dami.

He took the cutlery and he fed himself his boyfriend. Thanks to his help and their's friend cheerings, Liam managed to polish the last dishes. The waiter couldn't even believe it. Neither the students to be honest. (Liam felt so proud of himself.) (But also soooooo sick).

"Now that is what I call a new record." congratuled Nate.

Liam smiled to him, but his bestfriend's face suddenly crumpled. Because right behind them, at the entrance, was standing Kilian, Liam's ex.

The chesnut lad couldn't move. Not only because he was stuffed like a turkey for christmas. He couldn't think properly. How is it possible ? There is no way. No way. The force of evils just struck. And struck strongly.

"Liam." whispered Kilian. "and Nate. Hi."

Around him, his french's friends looked at them curiously. But the young dreamy lad didn't do anything. He didn't answer, he didn't do a single move. He was like frozen.

"It's... surprising to see you there." continued his ex. "I mean, you're supposed to be in America."

This evening can't be worse. I need to react. To say something. Tons of things were crossing Liam's mind. Why the force of evils did this ? What should he say ? What would Dami think ? He really wanted to run away, but his bloated stomach prevented him to.

"Trust me, we're surprised aswell." responded Nate after a while.

"Sorry to be the one who break the mood." took part Dami. "But who the hell are you, and why you three look like you've seen god itself ?"

"I'm Liam's ex-boyfriend, Kilian De Beauchêne." replied the main concerned party.

A blank followed. A very long and scary blank. Liam was completely panicing. (At least internally). (His painful belly probably prevented him to do a panic attack). He was short-winded and very stressed by the situation.

"You know what ? Let's not continue this awkward moment." decided Dami. "Liam, get up, we're leaving. This is way too bizarre."

The chestnut boy was more than glad to obey. Nate helped him to stand up, and they all left as fast as possible with their overfed friend.

Barbara Sunday March 3 – Monday March 4, in France

"Sounds cool. Doesn't work."

The blonde girl sighed. When she decided to make an alliance with Rebecca, she never planned this. Well, I wanted her support but... The athlete had come to France with her sophomere friends, Chelsea and Matthew. The first one was a nice but a little stupid law student. As for the dude... I can tell he's sleeping with both of them. Seems like he has a blast.

"I mean, you want to ridicule Nick by charging him of cheating with false evidence." summarized the lad. "It really is a good idea, but the professors will never fall for it. This geek is a real genius, who finished his 12th grade with one hand tied behind his back. Why on earth he would have to cheat eh ?"

I guess you're right. Barbara shrugged, a bit annoyed. It was already Sunday's night, and they didn't have even the beginning of a plan.

"Let's make it easier." suggested Rebecca. "We can make his whole trip a true hell. And in the meantime, we'll think of something."

"I think I have an idea." smiled the short girl. "You told me he was scared of water, right ?"

"Yeah, why ?"

"You'll see tomorow. I swear it will be fun to watch."

Indeed, they have this cruise on the Seine on Monday. Barbara carefully watched Nick when he went aboard. You looks so scared... Poor little thing. Just wait. She had other project for today anyway. She headed towards the back of the ship, where Colton was talking with Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey. I don't get it. Why the king was talking with her ex ? What was special about him ?

"Hi guys." she smiled. "Are you having fun ?"

"Go fuck yourself little roach." answered sharply the junior. "I already told you, no more favor."

"Everything's fine." replied more diplomatically the brown-haired lad. "Well, Liam and Nate decided to stay at the hotel because the first wasn't feeling well, but otherwise we're great."

She didn't care about her chestnut classmate yet. She would catch him a bit later. Besides, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey wasn't making any progress. He managed to make Nate comes, but he got nothing in return so far.

"You know, I heard some strange thing about you Colton." she revealed. "People nicknamed you the Good Samaritan. Did you make a big donation or what ?"

"I'm just being my usual self." he explained. "Nothing more, nothing less. I didn't do anything related to money. Why ?"

Crap. He's a true mystery. He looked so stupid, so idiotic. But everyone seemed to like him. Since the prof called him, Colton left them, and she hadn't made any progress.

"You're so funny you pathetic bitch." laughed the Dean's grandson. "You're so blind and deseperate you didn't even realise why he was so popular in highschool. Stupid short chick."

"What do you mean ?" (She decided to ignore his cuss words.).

"Are you that dumb ? Your ex-boyfriend doesn't have to do anything special, dumbass. He's so sweet and nice that everyone wants to be close to him. Nobody thinks to hurt him because he's so shining. But there you are, a stupid moron who thinks he had nothing for him. Numbskull."

Was it the real explanation ? She couldn't be sure, but it seemed possible. Anyway, I guess it's too late to turn back. I'll take care of Colton later. For now, let's focus on this asshole of Nick.

He was standing in the middle of the barge, apparently stressed. Since Liam and Nate weren't here, he was alone. Rebecca was making fun of him.

"Don't worry so much ! You've a natural life preserver." she teased. "You have no balls or what ?"

Barbara came closer, amused by this situation. Back in highschool, she thought bullying was bad, but she had finally understood it was a way like another to get the power she needed. To avoid their mocking, he tried to go away and came closer to the edge. That's why I wanted. Nice. There was some bright side to be so small. She could sneak between people so easily. The blonde girl came closer as discreetly as possible. She was so close to him that she could smell his sweat. He was so stressed by their surroundings. How pathetic. Barbara took her phone out. She was about to do something bad but well... She had understood very well how things worked in real life. Be a predator or you will be eaten. And so, she pushed him overboard.

To be continued

France is famous for its cuisine after all ! That’s pretty normal for Liam and his friends to enjoy what this country has to offer.

Aaaaand here he is ! Kilian is back. For those who doesn’t know him, he’s a main character in the last part of The High School Game, my first story. Maybe we’ll finally learn what happened between Liam and him ? :)

Damian is falling hard for his boyfriend, that’s kind of funny. And yes, he’s a feeder at heart.

Being in another country is also the prefect opportunity for Barbara to be nasty again. I liked this girl back then. Now, I don’t.

#the college society #cs #Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey #Liam #Barbara #stuffing #overeating #food bet #Liam eats a lot #He loves it #Kilian is back #Liam's ex #Chapter 3 #Part 11

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Mom and Dad Save the World

As we all know, Flash Gordon is an epic, cheesy, and epically cheesy sci-fi classic that may be riding the wave of Star Wars success but still manages to be rad in its own right. But have you ever watched Flash Gordon and wondered to yourself: What if Ming was a fat, pathetic, balding loser, and Flash Gordon was a middle-aged suburban dad? No? Well fuck you, Mom and Dad Save the World answered the question anyway.

This movie is clearly spoofing Flash Gordon, which is a daunting task. How do you spoof a movie that is already so silly and campy? Well, they somehow found a way, and boy is this obscure little film a treat for it! First, let’s look at the story:

The titular mom and dad, Marge and Dick, are off to have their 20th anniversary. However, they get captured by a giant space magnet and dragged all the way out to the tiny planet of Spengo, a planet full of absolute idiots and ruled by the grandest idiot of them all: Tod Spengo. Tod saw Marge through his big old telescope and decided to steal her for his wife before blowing up Earth, because Tod is jealous Earth is big and powerful and is seriously compensating for something. He’s kinda like if Lord Farquad  was played by Jon Lovitz in that way. Dick is tossed into a dungeon, so the question remains: can he save his wife from Tod, or is he doomed to rot in Spengo’s dungeons?

The biggest and best part of this film is Jon Lovitz as Tod Spengo. Spengo is basically what would happen if Caligula was a sci-fi villain. Spengo transformed the planet (which was named Spango until he conquered it) into a testament to his own ego and attempts at overcompensation. He has guards kill themselves for not giving him the answer he wants, he tries to force Marge to marry him, and he forces everyone else to wear the same awful, garish kinds of outfits he would. He’s a perfectly silly and over-the-top antagonist, and he steals the show whenever he appears.

But surprisingly, Marge and Dick are pretty great here too. You’d expect that this white suburban mom and dad from the early 90s would fall into the boring sitcom cliches of the time: dad is a fat, drunken slob who is annoyed by his nagging wife, and the wife really is a bitchy, overbearing nag who is way too hot for her husband. But nope, it’s very clear Marge and Dick love each other, with Dick’s only thoughts when his brain is being scanned being thoughts of his wife (and, hilariously, of punching Tod repeatedly in the face, ripping off his head, and kicking it like a football, complete with narration by Dick’s brain). Marge, despite being held hostage by Tod for the majority of the movie, is still a bit proactive, chatting with the local aliens, not putting up with Tod’s bullshit, and even kneeing the emperor in the nuts. Dick, while certainly no Flash, helps lead a rebellion and manages to be pretty badass… or should I say DADass?

Lame puns aside, the film is pretty well-designed too, with the sets inside of Tod’s castle being the most impressive of all. The costumes, while hideously garish, are enjoyably silly and campy and add to the film’s charm. And there are the silly alien designs too, with the Dog-Men and Fish-Women standing out the most. They definitely have very well-done costumes, even if they are a tad cheesy. The Lubb-Lubbs too are pretty neat little alien creatures, as is the Salacious Crumb ripoff who has a brief cameo.

Now, the biggest thing to look at here is the comedy aspect. The comedy comes from the fact that a suburban mom and dad, the two most average people you could think of, save the world. How do they do this? Well, as it just so happens, nearly everyone on the planet Spengo is a complete moron. Let me use the film’s best example: an entire platoon of men come across a light grenade that vaporizes anyone who picks it up. One man picks it up accidentally and is vaporized. The commanding officer goes up next, and after some poking by his men, picks it up to show it to them… and he is vaporized. The scene cuts away, and when it cuts back, there is a giant pile of empty, smoking clothes, with three men left alive, two of which are dead by scene’s end and the third of which calls for backup. Spengo is not so smart himself, as he falls for the old Trojan Horse trick, though he is still marginally smart enough to remain a threat. This humor actually works pretty well, and the absurd situation is easier to swallow when you realize the villains are all dumbasses. Going back to Flash Gordon, the titular hero was no genius himself, but a pro football player who got mixed up in space shenanigans; as a parody, this had to go one step beyond, and it sure took a big step, but it’s a step that ultimately paid off.

This is a very obscure, yet very enjoyable movie. It’s nearly as good as Flash Gordon in its own campy, stupid way, and it is most definitely funnier. Jon Lovitz is clearly having a blast, and hell, everyone seems to be really enjoying themselves here, and it’s hard to hate a movie where you can just tell everyone is enjoying themselves. If you can dig this one up somewhere, I definitely recommend giving it a watch, especially if you’re a fan of Flash Gordon. Not only will mom and dad save the world, but they’ll save you from about an hour and a half of boredom, too.

#Michael After Midnight #Review #Movie review #Mom and Dad Save the World #Jon Lovitz #Flash Gordon #Sci-fi #comedy

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 3 Part 1

I’m late (as always) but here we are ! Chapter 3 now begins ! I counter 13 part, so it will be kinda long, i hope you’ll enjoy the story.

A little summary of the past event :

Our MC Liam, a delirius boy, starts College in a city on the other side of the country. He expects to have a peaceful year far away his old problems with his family and his ex-boyfriend... Little did he know he would go right into the den of a secret community : the hunters.

Now he’s the prey of the most famous of them all, Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey, the Dean’s grandson. Will the very rude and gifted hunter manage to sleep with Liam ? Not so sure, when many problems from the past and from the community arise to stop him.

Liam can count on his friend to support him through everything. Now all he has to do is survive his freshman year the best he can.

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Tuesday January 15 – Wednesday January 16

"What do you mean we all have to help you ?"

"Exactly what it means idiot. You're all gonna give me a hand."

The cooking club supervisor sighed. He wasn't happy with Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey demand, but he hadn't the choice. I ejaculated over his whole podgy body, he have to obey. In fact, he made this whole body plump. Anyway, he needed help from these dumbass people. I can't cook thousands of pastries myself ! I need to live my life too ! And by life, I mean I need to fuck at least four times a day.

"What if we don't want to help you ?" asked Pete from his table. "I mean, you hadn't been nice to me even once, I don't know why I should be with you ?"

You scumbag. When did you became so ballsy ? This little fatty was happy because Theo had been back in his bed one time per month or so.

"I'll tell you why you'll help me little whale." whispered dangerously the Dean's grandson. "You know, I wonder what would happen if my dear grandpa came into your flat and found this weed of yours."

This argument had been working since his first year here. All these dummies addicted to drugs ! They were so happy to comply when he mentioned his great father.

"Okay, I'll help." mumbled Pete. "As long as I can bake some goods for myself."

Oh yeah, I bet you need them for your diet. This half-wit probably ignored he was near the limit of Theo's preference. But anyway, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey had his own goal in mind. Because a man's heart went through his stomach after all.

Things had begun to go well. Since last saturday, Liam started to open. The more sweet food I offer, the more he seems happy. It's good. However, the handsome freshman decided to play it slow. From time to time, when they were alone, he would spontaneously take the blond's hand. But nothing more yet. It's frustrating but it would too easy otherwise I guess. At least, it meant Theo wasn't doing any progress on his own. There was only one problem. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey wasn't patient. He wasn't born to wait. So he decided to keep his mind busy by any means. Also, this morning, he headed towards the union's student building. He directly ran into this silly Javier. The donkey smiled softly.

"Hi dude." he greeted. "Going to see Summer ?"

"Hell no. Why would I in the first place ? I'm here for you."

"Me ? What's the matter ?"

This little coward already started to panic. Such a pathetic man. He had made a niche for himself in Summer's shadow. She had always took the punch for him. Clever, but not really bold. Poor guy.

"The matter is Barbara. I heard things about her. You were supposed to control her. To watch her. I don't want this bitch to do whatever she wants."

"I did what I can man !" promised Javier.

"And by that you mean sleep with her ? C'mon, I thought you were smarter than that. This blonde bimbo is a power hunter. The more powerful she gets, she more hungry she'll be. The more hungry she's, the more a pain in my ass she'll be. Do you understand this ?"

"Yes. But what should I do ?"

"I want her and her boyfriend back together. It's a nice boy, quiet and sweet. Against his own will, he's dragging her down. He's her human's side."

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey then left the campus. He had someone to meet for another important matter. Strangely, in the subway, his mind drifted towards Liam. The chestnut lad was more than an idiotic monkey. When they were together, he had this shine in the eyes. The junior knew it was for the food, of course, but... He sometimes felt something. And his touch was softer than he expected. His hands were big, warm. And why the hell Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey accepted to be called Dami ? Nobody ever called him Dami. Except his damned family, one person gave him a nickname, back in time. The only person allowed to. But Liam had took this right. I don't understand this dude at all. Muller was right, he's a true lover. A real innocent, that our perverted society didn't transform. But slowly, he was going to be corrupted. I'm hunting him. I want to bang him. And I'll succeed, like always.

The lad finally arrived at an old house. It was a creepy one, like those old buildings the kids would consider haunted. He knocked at the door and waited. It wasn't like his others meetings. He wasn't here for sex, sadly. My dick could use a good tongue right now, but I'll have to be patient.

"Hi Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." greeted Deborah while opening. "Long time no see."

He entered in the house and smiled.

"I know you're better outside the campus, but has it to be this far ? You know I hate the subway. I fucked people everywhere in it."

"Two sentences and already we are speaking about your cock. That's impressive."

"Not my fault if my prick is a wonderful topic of conversation."

"Yeah. You're so funny. Anyway, come, I've the list you asked for."

Liam Friday 18 January

When he entered the locker room, late as always, Liam ran into Nick. It was unsual, and for several reason. First, because no one ever showed up at the pool on a friday night. The chestnut lad was used to be alone, or maybe sometimes with Theo. (The ogre was nice to him, so he tried to play it cool). (But he declined eveything which looked like food). Secondly, Nick had said he never intended to swim. He had called himself Laura's assistant. Now I wonder, why he's refusing to swim ? Is he a magical creature ?

"Dude, are you in love with this locker ?" asked his roommate. "Because you're staring it for at least two minutes now..."

"Sorry. I was just surprised. What are you doing here ?"

Nick wrinkled his nose.

"I need your help with a important matter. But it's personnal. Can you keep things for yourself in this imaginary world of yours ?"

"I guess. There are some truth I never said to anyone about the unicorns."

(These magicals creatures had some dark secrets to hide).

"Okay so... I want to lose some weight after all. I don't feel very at peace with myself. And because I don't want to make pointless workout or whatever, I thought it would be a good occasion to learn swimming in the same time. It's a long run plan."

It took some time for Liam to understand the whole thing. Nick wanted to lose weight, okay. Nick didn't like senseless workout, okay. He wanted to learn swimming, not okay. Did that mean he... didn't know how to swim ?

"I never visited a pool or the sea before you dragged me there." explained the raven-haired lad with reluctance. "I never put a foot into water since I'm... afraid of it."

When he said it was personnal... I expected something big but not like this... (Liam thought his friend would reveal himself as a mermaid or something). But in fact, he just was scared by water ? (Maybe it explained why he drank mainly beer).

"The good thing with you Liam is that you don't laugh, tease or mock people." mumbled Nick. "I just don't know if it's because you're stupid or extremely nice."

"Both probably."

They went to the pool. The chestnut lad looked at his friend. For the first time, he saw him with only swimming trunks. Nick was 179 cm (5'10") and probably weighted around 85 kg (187 pounds). The main part of his excess went straight into his belly. It was fleshy, well-padded. Since it was mostly beer's fault, he had only light lovehandles, discretly hanging over his trunks. However, because he also ate a lot of fast food, and christmas had just passed, his upper body had a bit of flab too. The lack of exercice permitted the emergence of little moobs. His arms and legs got some pudge aswell. In a way, Liam found him kinda cute. He wasn't watching people's physic to make his opinion anymore. Before 11th grade, he mostly liked chubby girl. Curves were his turn-on. But then, he discovered his attirance for the same gender. And his ex boyfriend had been quite a twig at first. Liam now based his love interest mostly in function of personality anyway.

"Dude, can you stop looking at me that way ?" asked suddenly Nick.

Liam shook his head. Then, he realised his roommate was talking to Theo. I didn't even noticed him. For someone as impressive as him, he's very discreet. (Or Liam wasn't observant at all). Anyway, the ogre smiled. Damnit, he had sharp teeth.

"Sorry. Anyway, are you ready for your first lesson ?"

The chestnut lad wasn't sure to understand what was going on, but Nick turned towards him.

"I already said everything to Theo. He'll teach me, and you're here to help. Is that okay for you ?"

"Of course."

And I'll also protect you, you can count on me.

Later this night, when they arrived home, Liam felt exhausted. It was almost 11pm, and he was dozy. I'll need to sleep until at least 3am. (3am of Sunday, obviously). They were at their door when suddenly, Rebecca opened her. She let Matthew go out, and then smiled to them.

"Hi neighbors." she laughed. "It's suprising to see both of you out so late."

Nick didn't answer. He just went in as fast as possible. (The lesson with Theo had been difficult...) (He hadn't actually succeeded to go into the water, because he was deeply scared).

"Excuse him." said politely Liam. "It has been a rough day."

"Don't worry, I don't care about all this crap anymore. He doesn't want to talk to me ? His lost. I'm an awesome girl after all."

And she just closed her door. Oh. Okay ? Rebecca changed a lot since September. At start, she was only focused on sport. Then, she had this boyfriend, and started to grow apart from them. And now, she had become a complete stranger. (It was clear : the witch possessed her). (The forces of evil were everywhere, Judy had warned him).

Barbara Saturday 19 January

"Please, you need to do this."

The blond girl raised an eyebrow. She started to feel a bit bothered. Javier was more than insistent. I can guess he has an ulterior motive.

"Barb, please. For me ?"

They had sex once. It's not like if they were a couple. It was Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey's condition to let her become the future head of the student. Take Javier's virginity. This guy... He's ruling this whole university. It's impressive. It reminded her of Raphaël, in highschool.

"I can't go back with Colton." she eventually responded. "He's sweet, attentive and handsome, but he has zero charisma. I mean, he's just a random hot guy in a random university. I don't want this."

It wasn't attractive for her. Some girls loved this, she was sure Colton would soon fine the perfect one for him.

"Are you sure ?" asked Javier again.

"Yes I'm. No more discussion. The meeting is about to begin."

She entered in the student union office followed by the vice-president. Summer was already there. They glared at eachother. I don't like her, she doesn't like me. The king put us in the same room knowing that would happen. Barbara already had undestood this junior's girl would be an obstacle. For now, they had all agreed to appoint her as the next head of the student. But Summer was up to something.

"Welcome everyone." this latter started. "We don't have so much to discuss today. Let's start with the boring stuff."

There were the treasurer, his right arm, the secretary, Javier, Summer and Barbara. They talked about the budget, and some request from fraternities, sororities or clubs. Afterwards, the president went on the main subject of this meeting.

"Now guys. I received this morning a letter from the Dean, Mr. Carrey. He said someone has vandalized the science building. He's very unpleased with this. We have to found the person responsible, and the faster, the better. That'll be all for today, see you on next Saturday."

The freshman girl was pleased with how things were going. Everything is working according to the plan. It had been difficult at start. The college was way more bigger than her previous highschool. But anyway, it wasn't time to think about past. Barbara headed towards the dormitory B, a mixed one. Unlike her ex Colton, she hadn't enough money to literally buy a flat downtown. He's rich, I can't deny this. As for her, she shared a tiny apartment with two roommates. One was a sophomore named Brandon Lee who was studying mathematics. To be honest, even after more than four months together, she didn't know him well. He was often absent, and when there, locked up in his room. The other was an old friend, Jessica Trevor, who dropped university. She was still registered, and allowed to be in the dormitory. But in truth, she worked as a hairdress trainee in town. She was the only one home when Barbara arrived.

"I'm back." this one anounced. "The meeting ended sooner than I thought."

Jessy was watching TV. She barely listened. They knew each other since elementary school. They were at the same highschool until 11th grade. For her last year, Barbara moved in the north. When they had met again in September, they were so happy to be reunited. At least until I discovered we became just too different. Jessy had lost her ambition. She was just a regular chubby girl now. The blonde girl entered in her room and closed the door. I have so many things to think about. She needed to meet the Dean as soon as possible. She wanted to be recognized. She had worked her whole life to be perfect. Good grades, good in sport, always delegate. Until 12th grade, she was ruling her class, even her whole highschool with her partner, Raphaël. They were the king and the queen. Back then, she hadn't realised this. But during 12th grade, she had lived some... striking event. And now, she was ready to be a queen again. And the queen they have right now, this stupid Summer ? I will crush her.

To be continued

A new POV ! Barbara is an old character of The High School Game. She was the class rep, a wise and cautious girl. But she knows what she want, and she doesn’t like Liam in the slightest...

Liam and Dami’s relationship improve, but there is still so many ordeal... And Theo is lurking from the shadow.

Just so you know, the story takes place at the same time than To the Perfection. Watch the dates to see when the events are happening.

#the college society #cs #Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey #Liam #Barbara #weight gain #Nick is kinda fat #But he doesn't really know what to feel about it #His big secret is out of the closet ! #Barbara is somehow scary #but tiny #chapter 3 #part 1