#a scene where obi-wan is pissed at anakin because he keeps fucking fixing one of the sith

[tennessoui]

au where jedi healers take a vow not unlike jedi temple guards, but instead of wearing a mask and becoming anonymous, they give up their sight and wear blindfolds to allow the Force to guide their every action. it’s also supposed to blind them to their patients’ differences, which used to be symbolic but since the war between the jedi and the sith broke out, has become much less so

because jedi healers are supposed to heal regardless of if their patient is a jedi or a sith, when they’re deployed on battlefields after the fighting is over, they use the Force to heal every injured person they come upon.

anakin skywalker, who was chosen from the creche and agreed to follow the Healing path at the age of 9, thinks it’s sort of stupid that they have to wait until after the fighting is over to begin to help because he can feel people dying in the Force, he can feel their pain--

young general kenobi, who remembers his old creche-mate anakin skywalker and how blue his eyes once were, thinks it’s beyond foolhardy that this healer is stealing out across an active battlefield, blindfold over his eyes and bending down to heal karking darth maul and single-handedly diverting all of obi-wan’s attention away from the droids and sith legion because now he has to make sure he’s ok he can’t just leave him to the whims of the Force, he’s unprotected and he’s going to get himself killed----

it’s a headache and a half for everyone involved because general kenobi keeps abandoning his battle strategy and sometimes even position to ensure healer skywalker’s safety and healer skywalker keeps dropping everything and everyone the moment he feels obi-wan kenobi get hurt in the Force to rush to his side, Force Vow of Healing Equality be damned.

but......the Council keeps deploying them to the same battlefield because healer skywalker is never more effective as when he knows he must heal fifty mortal wounds before he can rid general kenobi of a headache, and general kenobi is never as ruthless as when skywalker is on the field close to him, in potential harm’s way

despite how much they insist they hate each other 

#kit's silly lil aus #obikin #healer anakin au #writing this out i thought of like five thousand scenes i'd want for this #a scene where obi-wan is pissed at anakin because he keeps fucking fixing one of the sith #so he's not letting anakin heal him and refusing to see one of the clone medics #so they're in his tent and he's just holding a compress to his head wound and bitching at anakin who is bitching back at him #and obi-wan is like 'at least you don't heal DROIDS' very scathing #and anakin goes quiet and is like 'i used to want to be an engineer did you know that?' #and obi-wan is like 'force when we were kids i knew everything about you. crush the size of a senator's ego' #oh and another scene where a sith (lbr maul) attacks anakin and obi-wan gets in the way #and takes the blade for him and anakin kills him rather violently #because i dont like healer anakin aus that take the violence and teeth out of anakin skywalker #so he snaps and breaks his vows to kill maul and eliminate the threat so he can heal obi-wan #and probably the council had encouraged him to become a healer because they could see his capacity for violence and fear and hate #but they couldn't see his attachment to obi-wan #but then not even obi-wan could see that #and a scene after that where obi-wan wakes up in his tent and the first thing he sees is anakin's blue eyes #because anakin broke all his vows to protect and obi-wan and killed many many people to keep them away (in a very feral way) #so what's one more #and obi-wan's first thought is that he missed those eyes #everything else and their consequences can wait #oh also mostly in it for the blindfold sex before this #absolutely here for the blindfold sex #same age aus also my beloved

[nevertheless-moving]

Star Wars AU #4: Three Skywalkers & An Absolute Metric Shit-ton of Kyber

SO I’m sitting here thinking about that one scene in Episode IV where Vader, Luke, and Leia are all in the same room together for a very brief minute - the only time in the series

You’ve probably seen the joke where Obi-wan just fucking dies rather than deal with that

You know what other powerhouse was there? Besides the son and twin grandkids of the force? 

AN INSANE AMOUNT OF SEMI-SENTIENT KYBER CRYSTALS 

I’m head cannoning that Kyber crystals use the Jedi as much as the other way around- but sometimes that balance is thrown off 

And you better believe these crystals are pissed off about the whole death star thing 

So the Kyber takes the opportunity its been given just yoinks the force through our resident overly force-sensitive suckers

And goes home to Illum, bringing a A Sith Lord, A Princess, and A Moisture Farmer along for the ride

On the surface, Fairly-Recently-Traumatized-and-Knighted Obi-Wan Kenobi is escorting a bunch of ten year olds (including young Anakin Skywalker!) on their first gathering

They are shocked when a rainfall of kyber crystals and three humanoids tumble from the sky. 

26 year old Knight Kenobi is pretty sure this doesn’t usually happen, but he’s a relatively new single dad, what does he know about anything.

None of that time traveler disorientation- our future three were one with the force and the force with them- they know exactly where they are and what just happened, though they’re still processing how to deal

Vader recovers first and briefly tries to kill his child self (that’s the bastard who killed my wife!)

Young Obi-Wan steps in the way telling Anakin and the others to get back. 

Vader is mostly toying with him- after all, he knows everything about how Kenobi fights, and Obi-Wan knows nothing amount him

Luke puts 1 and 1 and 1 together - Time Travel plus Jedi plus ‘Anakin’

"My name is Luke Skywalker and You’re not killing my father a second time YAAAA” comes charging in with the Skywalker lightsaber

This, naturally, distracts Vader long enough for Leia to shoot him right in the respirator

Wounded, Vader retreats to the ship. The Jedi Gathering Ship oh shit

Strands them all there and oh boy is that awkward. 

They all get rescued pretty quickly- I figure some other Jedis felt whatever crazy nonsense just happened (100 credits this is somehow Skywalkers fault. Ha, no bet.)

And wow does everyone have a lot of questions and wow do Luke and Leia have the answers to pretty much none of them

Meanwhile Vader is having a fucking meltdown fixing up his cyborg body because he’s 31 years in the past

His wife is alive! but she’s also 15 years old which um…he’s a lot of things but a perv isn’t one of them

His son is alive! But he has no empire to keep him safe with and the second Palpatine finds out he’s going to try and eliminate them because the mention of ‘Emperor Palpatine’ is way too big a threat to sith plans and aw hell no that is not happening

Luke and Leia get taken back to the temple and Luke tells them the blatant lies old Ben told him which makes Obi-Wan… go lie down for a minute 

Young Anakin thinks the whole thing is pretty wizard because he has a time traveling son now!

Leia tells them that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is actually a terrifying Sith lord who wiped out the entire Jedi Order and subjugated the galaxy (because she actually had an honest education)

Which no one wants to deal with, i mean, we asked, but we do not like that answer

The high council is still debating several hours later and Luke is growing mixed feelings about the awesome Jedi thing, because on one hand, they’ve been repeating themselves for a while, and on another, *J*E*D*I  T*E*M*P*L*E 

Leia is working on sending an encrypted message to Senator Antilles from alderann if she can just get another minute alone

news breaks that an Asthmatic Sith Cyborg just assassinated the Chancellor in front of the Entire Senate and also the Chancellor shot lightning??out of his hands??and exploded when he died?can the Jedi plz help?!??

“Killed the Master, the Apprentice has” Yoda says and everyone nods gravely

There is a lot of chaos in the republic as some of Palpatine’s Sith Spite bombs unleash a bit of chaos, but overall, he really didn’t have that much time to abuse his poser- and his apprentice situation was at a low ebb

The council is concerned about this future Sith Lord last seen in a ship heading towards Serrano but

The force feels…lighter somehow? As though…the galaxy was filled with… A New Hope

#star wars #sw #my au #star wars au #if anyone has a link to that post where obi-wan just dies rather than deal with the three of them i will gladly link it but i cant find it #star wars au no 4 #kywalkers au

[agent-barnes40]

Watching The Empire Strikes back

The old sounding theme

Didn’t Mark Hamill get into an accident before filming this one?

What is up with the Dalek looking probes?

Mark Hamill looks so young.

He sounds so young.

Bruh, Luke wtf?

Y’all I fucking see it! I paused it at 4:27 and for a moment thought that Han was being played by Adam Driver. I definitely see the resemblance now.

Rip Chewie’s original actor

Wheretf is Leia?

There she is.

SPACE MOM LOOKS SO YOUNG

Rip Carrie Fisher while we’re here

Damn, Carrie talks so quietly during this scene.

Damn, Leia’s sass is amazing.

Leia hiding her feelings. Are we positive that Leia wouldn’t be an awesome Gen-Z?

Everyone walking in-between Leia and Han as they fight, iconic!

The angry “YOU COULD USE A GOOD KISS!” Sounds so much like Ben/Kylo. It’s nuts.

Above scene is at 6:27.

3P0! R2!

“OH SWITCH OFF!”

Han looks feral, that’s all I’m saying.

Han’s concern for Luke and Leia warms my heart.

“Between ourselves, I think Master Luke is in conciderable danger.”

“That’s right. My friends right out in it.”

Han, admit it, you’re attached to Luke.

“Then I’ll see you in hell.”

Damn Han.

Ya’ll I forgot that most of the “cgi” was stop motion in these first three.

The old force theme.

Rancor? Thingy is cool.

R2 willing to freeze for his Skywalker master makes me want to cry.

R2 DONT SOUND SAD!

Are we close to shoving Luke into a tauntaun yet?

The rebellion people being concerned for Leia’s worry over Luke and Han while C3P0 just walks up.

Leia closing the doors to the base and Chewie looks so sad.

I’m legit about to cry. They mimicked Chewies cry from this to put into TROS when they tell Poe, Finn and Chewie that Leia’s dead.

Shelby is joining me in my watch of Star Wars.

We’re shoving Luke into a tauntaun now!

Obi-Wan absolutely dissing Qui-Gon.

Glad to know the Tauntaun died of the cold,

Han wielding the lightsaber!

They’re so happy to have found Luke and Han

The bacta tank

Luke is like, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHILE I WAS ABOUT TO GET EATEN!?

The iconic Laserbrain scene.

Chewie laughing and Han looks so betrayed.

NERF HERDER!

Have I mentioned I love Leia?

The sad look on Han’s face when Leia calls him scruffy.

Luke’s like PLEASE DONT GET ME IN THIS!

I forgot Luke and Leia kiss!

3P0 casually mentioning that it isn’t a rebellion signal

Oop, here comes Anakin “So, do you like my plan?” Vader Skywalker.

The Falcon absolutely wreaking Han.

Han and Luke silently communicating.

Vader’s egg.

Vader casually killing someone while talking.

Have I mentioned I love Leia?

The stop motion is amazing.

THE AT-AT!

3P0 casually reminding R2 to be safe.

Luke trying to save his friend

Han running back for Leia.

Han catching 3P0.

Anthony Daniel’s autotune.

The very old sounding theme.

Luke gets his dumbass traits from Anakin.

Carries scream.

Where in the hell is the scene where 3P0 rips the warning on a door?

R2 being worried about Luke.

“Take Evasive action!” Almost dies.

The scene where Han is on the pole and his ass is on display, thank god Harrison Ford got paid for that.

Leia trying to fly falcon shows that she’s a Skywalker and has that natural ability to fly.

Had to switch over to my computer.

“Never tell me the odds!”

Oof, Dagobah.

Here comes the green dwarf who drinks coke every day.

Luke’s X-wing.

R2 falling into the water

R2 scream

Yoda should show up soon.

Vader’s egg.

Anakin’s crusty head.

Han catching Leia

Leia getting pissed

Han flirting

Here comes Yoda, the coke drinker.

Yoda’s so damn high. I’m meaning weed type of high

R2 getting beat by Yoda.

You know for a fact Yoda was beating R2 because he remembers Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker’s way too damn modified Astromech.

How the fuck is Frank Oz still alive?

3P0 wants his husband.

Oop, here comes the kiss scene with Han and Leia.

Han calling Leia by her first name for the first time.

“Scoundrel?”

“I happen to like nice men.”

Finally!

Fucking 3P0!

Han looks so vulnerable.

Oop Palpatine.

Vader’s egg.

Ian McDiarmid has been playing Palpatine since 1980.

Anakin learning that Luke Skywalker is his son and having to pick between killing him and wanting to finish raising Luke. It’s quite sad actually.

R2 getting drenched scares me.

Luke hiding his distaste for Yoda’s food.

Yoda and Obi-Wan talking.

I’m gonna be honest, I hate Yoda. He’s an old man who is doesn’t want change until literally episode 8. He may have taught Luke something but Luke had to learn the way of the force by himself.

Also, Yoda scares me.

Have I mentioned that I love Leia?

“I have a bad feeling about this.”

C3P0 yelling at the Mynock.

Leia faceplanting into the Falcon.

“I am not a committee!”

I don’t like the Luke/Yoda training scene.

The only thing that I believe that Yoda taught look was to absolutely fear his connection with the force.

The whole under the tree Luke/Vader “fight” was to allude to “hey, Vader is this Anakin guy we keep talking about.”

Is that Boba I see?

The light speed fail x2.

“Shut up!”

I don’t like this Luke/Yoda training scene either.

“No! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

Unpopular opinion: Palpatine should’ve killed Yoda.

The soft flute force theme.

Bruh, I forgot Han landed the Falcon on Vader’s ship.

Leia turning 3P0 off.

“He’s a card player, gambler, scoundrel. You’d like him.

“Thanks.”

You can see Anthony Daniels or his stand in breathing in the 3P0 outfit.

Boba following them.

Again, I hate each and every single Yoda/Luke training scene.

“Han. Leia!”

Yoda constantly belittling Luke’s compassion for his friends that he sees as his family. This is why I don’t like Yoda.

The landing on cloud city.

I forgot how much Cloud city looks like Corucant.

Lando Calrissian

Han pointing to himself, *me?*

Lando Calrissian.

“What have you done to my ship?”

“Your ship? Hey, remember, you lost her to me fair and square.”

They are literal children and I love it.

Lando immediately flirting.

Also, what the fuck was George Lucas thinking on letting 5ft something men get chest to chest with Carrie and try to intimidate her with their height whilst trying to flirt with her?

Wtf was he thinking! Carrie Fisher is 4ft something and I feel bad for her.

“She’s the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.”

Chewie going to look for C3P0.

The soft force theme.

The force theme turning to the imperial march.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, you let 12-year old Ahsoka Tano on a battlefield with Anakin fucking Skywalker, the man who stared General Grevious in the face and basically told him to fuck off, and you’re not letting Anakin’s literal son go save his sister and future brother in law! So shut the fuck up dead guy and let Luke save his friends.

Yoda can go die for all I care. I forgot how much of an asshole he is.

God, I fucking hate Yoda.

Leia’s Bespin outfit.

Leia worried over 3P0 is the sweetest thing. This shows just how great of a mom she’ll be.

“I don’t trust Lando.”

Have I said that I appreciate how pretty Harrison Ford is?

Yo! Mandalorian!

Also, chewie finding C3P0!

Leia covering her body when she realizes Lando is watching her is something I thought I’d never relate to but whelp, here we are.

Lando Calrissian is very creepy actually in how he treats Leia every chance he can get.

Han’s ready to punch him.

“Would you join me for a refreshment?”

“No!” I never realized how protective Chewie is of Leia until this scene. Chewbacca immediately is ready to rip Lando apart.

“Having a problem with your droid?”

Han immediately realizes how vulnerable Leia can get when C3P0 is involved and when people she’s intimidated by. Han drew away Lando’s attention on 3P0 to him.

Han drank his appreciating women juice.

Is Boba wearing a death watch thingy on his shoulder?

Leia looks so damn scared.

Han grabbing Leia’s hand tighter to protect her.

Chewie trying to work on C3P0.

The imperial march.

Han’s super pale. “I feel terrible.”

Leia’s vulnerable and even though Han’s hurting he jumps in to protect her and how angry Leia gets, that’s when everyone knows that Leia’s feeling and anger is her protection emotion.

Honestly, I’m ready to skip the rest of Lando’s scenes.

Carbonite.

Okay so when Vader tells the Troopers to put Han into the carbon freezer, Chewbacca attacks, if you notice, Vader just lets him. It’s not because, “hey let’s not anger the Wookiee more.” It’s because according to a scene in The Clone Wars animated TV show, Chewbacca saved Anakin’s padawan, Ahsoka. I like to think Vader was finally paying his debt to the Shriwook for saving Ahsoka.

Han calming down Chewie by telling him to look after Leia.

Han and Leia’s second kiss

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Leia looks so damn sad and scared.

Chewie literally pulling Leia into his body to try and lessen the pain she was in.

The fact that Luke doesn’t realize that it’s Han.

Luke slowly realizing that he didn’t see Han with Leia and Chewie.

The only lightsaber fight between Luke and a Vader that I remember.

I’m not gonna comment on Chewie chocking Lando.

That force jump.

The biggest plot twist in cinematic history, according to the Internet, is about to happen.

R2 getting electrocuted

R2 going to fix his husband.

Oop, Luke’s hands about to get cut off.

Mark Hamill’s scream.

“Luke, there is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you. Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.”

“I’ll never join you!”

“If you only knew the power of the dark side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.”

“He told me enough. He told me you killed him.”

“No. I am your father.”

“No, no, that’s not true. That’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

The iconic “Noooo.”

“Luke. You can destroy the emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. Come with me. It is the only way.”

Skywalker men are such idiots and always are so dramatic.

The poor film editor, having to make it look like Luke is falling and is just playing with the footage they got of Mark Hamill writhing around.

And here we see just how powerful Leia and Luke are.

“Leia. Hear me. Leia”

“Luke.”

Luke’s just swinging his legs.

Light speed fail x3

“Luke.”

“Father.”

“Come with me.”

“Ben. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Luke, it’s your destiny.”

Mark Hamill is such a talented actor

Welp, Anakin’s gonna kill everyone.

“May the Force be with you.”

Luke’s fake hand.

The chills I get during the ending music.

And that was The Empire Strikes Back. All in all a good classic.

#caitlyn watches #the empire strikes back

[atrophiedcompassion]

having watched TROS for the second (and final) time in the cinema, here’s my full spoiler abundant review, also with comments on the nonalogy as a whole.

the movie works a lot better aka is more enjoyable the second time. we know what’s happening and i could relax and enjoy even the dumb moments and allow myself to feel, to be washed into the music and just feel my good feelings towards the finale.

the plot is still dumb as rocks, with the new old villain, resurrected. who not only is back but is giving our heroes a chance to find him before all shit breaks loose. why is the emperor so fucking arrogant?? why did TROS/JJ keep arguably the worst plot from TLL namely the race against a certain but exact time to do something to save the day?

the rey as palpatine still makes no sense. why did the jedi (in particular obi wan) call to her when she has the first force vision back on takodana if rey’s a palp?? JJ truly pisses on his very own movie isn’t he? and the emperor himself, he wants rey dead, twice he tells this verbatim to KR and then comments the rey killing plot was foiled to commander pryde...but then he actually welcomes her with open arms? or did he foresee his new death by rey should she reach exogol still alive? why should this death stick? ugghghgh.

the movie moves at record pace, no time to grieve, no time to catch your breath. the falcon/poe does impossible feats. the trio is united only to trail rey, finn in particular acting like a puppy. the only scene with finn that had any weight and developed his character was the scene with jannah when they’re fixing the falcon. BUT even then...i thought it was fine for the Force to guide finn out of his servitude. but maybe let the other former stormtroopers have some fuxking free will. not the force guiding them. there were so many moments when finn could’ve inspired former fellow stormtroopers to put down their weapons, but no. the spy could’ve been a stormtrooper, not the ridiculous hux doing things out of spite...

the worst scene in the movie? rey going on a fucking stroll on pasaana to meet kylo ren’s ship...and before that, the knights of ren literally posturing on a rock. i laughed out loud in the cinema it was so utterly ridiculous.

it’s all fucking plains, the fucking audience could see rey advancing through ochi’s ship screens. but somehow chewbacca gets captured and there’s a second transporter. the whole scene plays just so we can set up rey’s sith lightning abilities..?? fucking hell.

c3po’s sacrifice works for me. it’s the first moment of the rewatch where i got truly emotional and shed actual tears. and it’s not really cheapened by his memory being restored, since Finn actually mentions r2 might have a backup which 3po dismisses in his usual fashion. so 3po actually believed he was going to be fully erased. and that’s what matters. i found the 3po humour almost on par with the OT, although sometimes poe’s wayyy too aggressive with him. (i mean, poe loves droids, or at least his droid bb8, but is awfully dismissive of both 3po and D-O, just to fill in the han role i guess? it’s overdone)

the fight on the destroyer/kimiji is ok, again rey with the aggressive stance and the reveal is....nothing. rey has NO fucking reaction. she like scrunches her nose a little. she was just told the JJ equivalent to luke finding out vader’s his dad and rey’s just like. oh okay. bummer.

she should’ve fucking jumped like luke did. and maybe be retrieved on the falcon somehow. she should’ve expressed some pain. but no. rey’s just as calm as before. maybe even calmer, now that she knows the whole truth.

the death star sequence. dumb as hell to imagine the dagger has coordinates to the fucking wreckage of DS2??!??! who made it and when??!?!??! but let’s not overthink this. you get force powered rey making the ride with the skimmer and finding herself attacked by dark!rey..and then kylo come by and apparently knows this? because he tells her that now she’s tainted and can’t go back to leia either??!

WHAT THE FUCKKKK does JJ not know how the fucking force works??? i mean was it a fucking inside joke when han says that’s not how the force works in TFA??? uughghghgh. i know TROS is trying its best to almost completely retcon TLJ, but the way the Force was described there, like a balance, decay from where new life spawns, THAT WAS A GOOD THING FFS!!!!

no, JJ thinks that jedi are all pure beings and sith are dark brooding monsters and if a jedi or equivalent has even the faintest connection to the dark side, they’re fucking done!!!!!! (when the FUCKING OT SAYS THE FUCKING OPPOSITE, even a shred of goodness can help you get back to the light)

and if that was SUPPOSED to be KR’s way of getting rey to join him on his fieldtrip to exogol...my god he’s fucking dumb as hell. rey’s resisted his offer every fucking time (altho during the force call on pasaana he tells her he will turn her and she says we’ll see. she didn’t say no lmao), why would she fucking say yeah sure now? just because she had a fucking vision of dark herself??!?!?

still, dark!rey is fucking hot and i will probably cosplay her sometimes soon.

then comes the kylo - rey fight on the death star wreckage, where she attacks him, she’s aggressive, and is bested. and he’s about to kill her (even though he told her he has other plans, LOL) and then leia calls. or her call to her son finally reaches him (no more voicemail) and he falters, drops the saber and is impaled by rey.......who also senses leia’s passing.

and we have ben again and the scene with han solo plays and it’s pretty fucking emotional. but i wish he had said father and not dad. dad feels unearned. father would’ve worked best, especially for such a serious, stoic char like ben, dad is far too playful. i would’ve wanted a moment more of ben mourning his mother too, but the movie’s gotta be done in 30 mins so we have no time for allowing emotional moments to sink in. note: finn & poe are in such a rush to get to leia they don’t even have time to wait a sec to be told properly that she’s fucking dead. fuck you movie.

the scenes with luke are good. of course, luke backtracks all of his development in TLJ (because fuck you that’s why) and apparently everyone knew she was a palpatine but they still trained her because fuck logic? this is just like the PT where they end up training anakin because they made a promise to a dead guy. lmao. and how convenient is that there’s another lightsaber, otherwise how would rey make an x at the end to (presumably) end palpatine?? hmmm. i said the jedi leia scene/flashback worked for me the first time i saw it, but in hindsight, the scene and motivation really takes a steaming dump on leia’s character, a mother afraid of her son and unwilling to help him. fuck you JJ. we never needed leia wielding a lightsaber. we only wanted leia using the force in some way that felt organic to her character. (sidestep: up until attack of the clones? when yoda first uses a lightsaber, i assumed he was enlightened and didn’t need actual weapons to wield the force. well, i hoped leia could be like that enlightened master yoda. but like all bad things in the SW universe, she ended up being as awful as puppet yoda with a toothpick lightsaber, cause how would we know she’s a jedi otherwise????)

so. because she refused kylo, and ended up alone on exogol and with the resistance trapped there, she’s actually considering palpatine’s offer??! and realises she has maybe another option when she senses ben’s there too??! then why the fuck didn’t they go together??!?! oh wait. i forgot she wanted to exile herself on ach-to LMAO.

and still. the whole palpatine plot train-wreck could’ve still worked had they actually used the pretty cool concept of Force Dyad for something good. i mean, KR tells this to rey on the destroyer. but apparently palp can’t do the math and is surprised when he takes a sip of their life essences??! like what the actual fuck, why isn’t palpatine aware of this?? if he (+plagueis) made vader and then he conceived his son. and then vader had leia and leia had ben and palp’s son had rey........why is KR able to put this together and not the FREAKING MASTER PUPPETEER of the whole fucking galaxy??!?!

anyway. back to the force dyad. we have awsome ben solo and rey reunited. ready to fight palps. but no. he freezes them and sucks the life force out of them. maybe the power of the force dyad of light users could be harmful to a sith?!??! maybe the power of a force dyad would help ben & rey resist palp?! maybe the power of a force dyad could be used to defeat palp?

but no. we get ben solo thrown into a pit so that palp and rey could reenact whitney houston’s hit

or, even worse, the year’s most anticipated battle of one liners: endgame. yeah, it was cool to hear all the jedi clamouring for rey, but this could’ve still worked as the jedi finally supporting ben skywalker organa solo for fucking once in the guy’s lifetime.

but no. JJ said fuck ben solo. he’s only good to give the life back to rey, then he can fuck off. i am not a reylo and i am not too bothered by ben’s death, as much as i am by his misuse. i mean, in such movies, we never really have to deal with reformed bad guys making amends. vader died, and so in a way, ben dying too and not having to be courtmartialled is actually convenient.

i have read some analysis where ben & rey being happy together is the undoing of anakin’s sad demise and brings peace to the skywalker line rather than pain and despair and that’s a valid premise, but realistically, ben’s death makes sense. they’d never be happy together in a hut somewhere, because ben still has to pay for a lot of damage. BUT his death is nothing but the crippling of the skywalker line, after a palp had defeated the palps. his death has little meaning in the story. them being a force dyad has little meaning, apart from powering palps back to his rots appearance. lmao

and finally, the death of ben is never mourned, never acknowledged. no-one is even told on screen about his return to the light (maybe maz felt it, when leia’s body vanished...) and his deeds. that kinda sucks. because luke took a moment to have a ceremony for vader, the force ghosts came through. here...we get nothing.

and then rey buries the anakin saber and leia’s saber on tatooine in sand no less (we need a sketch of anakin loudly complaining to rey about this)... and instead of finally accepting herself as being sufficient, she tacks on the legacy name. well done JJ.

(that was me when the credits rolled).

now, i love the OT more than life itself and the films give us meta to fill libraries. they are not perfect movies, but they are good, they tell a wonderful story with amazing characters and i will never stop loving them.

then the PT is made of really bad movies that now, in the light of TROS, surprisingly still come together as a trilogy far better than the ST lmao.

i still believe that the PT undermines and ruins Vader’s redemption in ROTS, because now you know exactly what he did (reminder: killed 30 children) and it’s hard to swallow. in the end, he dies to save his son and takes down the big bad so we can accept that he gains redemption in luke’s eyes alone and not necessarily in the audience’s. but ben solo didn’t even get that. he got thrown into a pit and crawled out only to give rey life lol.

anyway, TFA was okay at first, but i always had a huge gripe, aka the misuse of Leia and the complete silence on her being a Force user. like don’t even need ligthsaber fights from her, just gimme something explicit of her using the Force. she could’ve at the very fucking least sensed KR when he swoops in and abducts Rey on Takodana. but no. JJ fridged Leia from the get go, because he had no clue what to do with her. and then he fucked her character completely with what he believed was the flashback the fans wanted....UFHGHGHGH

JJ also and truly fridged Luke, because he had no idea what to do with Luke and the whole Force legacy either. he wanted to write a fun Han Solo adventure and by gods he did.

so, Luke. the guy vanishes the opening crawl tells us. he wasn’t abducted, so he must’ve exiled himself. people hating TLJ’s so called character assassination when it comes to Luke should point fingers at the real culprit, JJ. how could Luke do such a thing and run away (like JJ wrote him do) if he hadn’t done something significantly wrong?? it had to be FUCKING HORRIBLE. and so it is. because what Luke did was horrible and it set up for the fall to the dark side of poor, conflicted, manipulated and unloved Ben Solo. but had it not been THIS awful, then Luke’s self imposed exile, shame and guilt wouldn’t have made any fucking sense. so, TLJ haters, think again WHO was the person who wrote Luke running away for 10 years and allowing all that shit to happen?? it wasn’t Rian Johnson, that’s for sure. he merely justified the absence in a way that made sense plot-wise and actually character-wise too.

on repeated viewing, TFA isn’t that good, it’s a rehash of ANH and the stakes are never as good as the original movies. we all kinda know the heroes will save the day

TLJ, i liked, but the canto bight plot really falls flat. this is where RJ did some char assassinations: Poe. Poe is the cocky pilot who singlehandedly destroys the Resistance’s arsenal LMAO. and next scene he turns into sexist macho asshole trope itself, with his immediate and unfounded disdain of Holdo and her plans to keep our heroes safe. so he concocts a harebrained plan that doesn’t work. maybe it was intended as a refreshing look over this trope of barely a plan of the heroes always coming to fruition at the very last second, but the way it’s presented, it somehow really undermines all the characters involved, including newcomer Rose. at the start a breath of fresh air in the age of mindless heroics, the voice of reason,  soon enough she too is pulled apart and becomes a sudden love interest...?? she is then reduced to a side’s side char in TROS, but she has space buns, so that’s cool right? that’s what SW is all about, women in space buns. fuck!

and yet, TLJ handled Luke, Leia, KR and Rey wonderfully and laid down some great ideas, Rey having no lineage, the Force Bond between her and KR, the catalyst for KR’s fall to the dark side, the little good in him, as sensed by both Leia and Rey...and set up a finale where, i believed and hoped, KR would be the main villain.

with the trailer spelling the probable return of palpatine, i kinda lost faith in TROS before it even hit the theaters. in fact, my faith in the movie was shot the moment JJ was brought on board.

we had a new villain, another race against time to save the day, and our heroes tell us again and again that it’s fine to share the burden, that they are not alone, that there are more good guys than bad - and when the ARMY OF PEOPLE came to exogol, it’s a wonderful scene. it works for me and it did both times. i know it’s awful that no-one came to leia’s call on crait, but here lando picks up (when lando says hello there, it’s not only panties that drop) half the galaxy, but somehow it still made me well up.

but, despite this very explicit message, our heroine fights alone. she faces palps alone and almost makes a bad decision, is alone in her final battle, is alone at the end. how truly horrible. instead of having ben and rey defeat palps together, rey has to do it alone, out of faux-feminism. it’s sickening. it’s stupid. and that’s not star wars and the star wars message. luke was not alone at the end, he was with friends, with family.

but she’s from a bad bloodline and she should die childless. ughhh. totally not hopeful, totally not satisfying message to have for the finale of the skywalker saga.

#tros #the rise of skywalker #full review

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars     Episode 18

         Mystery of a Thousand Moons

 So,    Mystery of a Thousand Moons

Starts   with a really strong quote

   “ A single chance is        a galaxy of hope,”

   And into the episode

    “Hard pressed Jedi,”

      [Shows Ahsoka]

       Ah, mate?            that is one of the biggest Mary Sue’s in the series,           Reason you can’t see her face?            She’s smiling

       Good

       Alright

       Okay

      “ everyone on Naboo would be dead now,”

         .....    

         That         assumes           that           they         would           be         very     unaccountable         and        toxic

    Like,       no      one      they      had       to       blame        but   themselves,       for      that

  Just another boring day saving the universe....

   You did help

   I will give him that

   Obi-Wan did do something        in the previous            Episode

                      A child soldier also had a fight his battles

 But that’s besides the   point

Theed

Pretty sure that’s a war crime

   *Surprised there not taking him to the Galactic government for that

    Whelp

      Virus           Bombs

      Okay...?

      So it didn’t dispose

   So long as you established some mild amount of accountability

    And locked him up

   That shouldn’t be a   problem

  A droid must’ve taken it........

    These episodes never do start off           on the right foot               do they?

      It’s always some hilarious miscarriage of logic                Turning out to be true

Okay, where does this            lead?

      Aight

 Okay, bullshit, movie               You showed that little fucker running away       When     his      shit    was      taken

  Truly doubt he has such specific programming as to ran away when object of your concern has been taken but resume       oper     -ation                     And        Track          A         Vial          That          Could         be       Anyway

     It’s not impossible but it is damn well    unlikely

    So they didn’t destroy these      fuckers

    ??

   Heck

   Whelp

   Bull-shit

    [ You can tell     they didn’t plan this shit        in advanced]

      We saw that little   fecker - there was    nothing in his hands

       Really ret-con        ning

       It’s not worthy of a    sin on its own;       But it’s a damn good way to     piss off your audience!

   Hopefully the episode is         worthy of that             ret-con

       Doomed

 Oh they’re actually         taking him    some what     seriously

 That’s-       A bit      better

 Not  Perfect

  Okay

  Bullshit

   Dude  

    Might’ve        Been         Self-           Destructive           But          he at least had the intell        -igence not to auto-        Mate it-

    Wait,          It       Caused           An        Earth        Quake?        (We did see the security system overreact, so I’m not going to call that one too harshly 

     Also, okay

    Lock down the lab    quarantine those fuckers         And they will be fine    in like five days        (Maybe more if you want to like        pass them some             ibuprofen)

        This is fine

         Safe              room

           This is the place of a mad (unaccoun-         table doctor - who thought killing people was a      good idea-”

    You’re honestly    going to trust the safe       room?

    Better        idea;  get the       fudge out of there

 (And again just toss whoever got sick      some ibuprofen)

   Problem solved

   Seriously

      They          Have           Masks

     They’re         Adults

       They’re            Fine             .....

        Okay,      Padme

   ....

  Okay,  she does have the. thing

   (Not sure if it was in a      previous scene - I wasn’t paying attention    that much)

    Anakin

  Hey, the only character I actually care about is   here!

  (He’s the only one         whose sickness isn’t         his own fault

      Okay

    Yeah sucks      that no one else got those protective suits

      Well at least all the sick guys some    ibuprofen

      (I’ll try to keep the ibuprofen jokes down to a   minimum)

      Ahsoka,  has sealed off the entire    facility

     Cool, pass people down there some food   (and medicine) and wait for it to pass   down

       Droids

       Break out

   You locked down the facility?

  How can the dude unlock it   down?

   Can’t you just-

    No, sit in quar       -antine

     Let the people out      side keep the door shut

      And don’t feck around     with this thing

  “Be    care-ful,”

   No      one        is

   Put this        on

   “You’re bringing the       child?! ‘

     Why?

      He’s - like,               The only one               of you guys can get sick from this thing!

          Aight

         Ahsoka

Oh, yeah   let’s drag the other child soldier into this!

  (Are      you trying to get everyone killed?]

   Seriously

   Droids

   Dude,      Seriously

   Also you asking the “Mad” (Unaccountable!) scientist,        For the antidote?

     Scour on the planet

     You’ll likely find some (medicine) ibuprofen, capable of lessening the side effects, and compatible with their biology

     Rule

     Manufacture a plague

     That’s        really     impossible       unless      everyone         is         an      unaccountable         (Like in order to get that it should’ve killed you too)  

     And (Possibly)  anyone nearby

  Who    wasn’t     Practic      -ing       Account-

Per     son     ally                  Bull-shit

   That      this      works

   “Cure,”

    Stop      poking        the     wound

     Someone wants to fuck around with mother nature and pay the consequences that’s their own prerogative

     So long as you   don’t fuck    around with mother      nature, it         ain’t         Your       Pro      blem

 “Games,”

   So stop dealing with that fucker and go toss the clones some       food

    Or look for some damn     ibuprofen

 (I’m sorry    it’s becoming the      running joke        of this episode)

                                                    Seriously this                                                      guy should be                                                           dead

                                                       Unless                                                            he had a damn good healer on his team

                                                         Whom I respect                                                            immensely, having to deal with the majority of individuals who decide to, “ fuck around and find out,”

                                                       Who decide to say, to mother nature, nah                                                            I got this

                                                         And hold them                                                             accountable

                                                            * having both the ability and mak- ing the decision, to do so

                                                         And that’s feckin  

                                                            Ballsy

                                                         on the other hand whoever                                                 cured this guy clearly wasn’t practicing                                                              accountability,   

                                                     As if mother nature decided this guy was                                                           too stupid to live, you sure                                                           bet he’s not coming back into society 

 *Should

 Kill me now         I sure          wish       they would  

(Un-            Accou           n            -tability) 

unaccountable        freak               of          nature

 “ first droid breaks out of that laboratory,”

  There’s one

  Also well guess    we’re sealing it off till it      dies           Bye       Made,    Man

     Didn’t they say it was eradicated?

    Through the adjacent        herb

    Put in accountability

   There we go

   Problem       solved

   Fastest way to        save

   Again throw a     Tylenol           (Yes I have changed the thing,”

   Find an actual antidote

  Again is there not one?

   Toss the herb  

   Throw them in accountability               Standard              procedure

     Aight

    There they go

    Whelp

   In here

   Thought that was reasonable

   Dead         Man

   You’re wearing masks

   And are adults....

    Again yeet a Tylenol

     Send them to        Accountability

If there’s anything we should be worried about is         Ahsoka

   Yeet her into       stable           environment 

    And....    hope for the best

    Not       sure how badly this would affect someone who can’t assume authority/         (/accountability)

    The best course of action          is just to not let them near that kind of stuff

     I don’t know what kind of        idiot decided against that    

    *unaccountable

    Almost, certainly         the same one that decided to bring the other one           unaccountable

      Into the situation

    Aka our toxic “love birds”   of stupidity

   Stop that droid...

   My master....       Will find a cure        For the      virus

 Wasn’t the cure already found?

 Like,      Everyone’s still alive

  And, we have recollection of it

  (Which wouldn’t be possible...)

   Dead yet

    Yeah          let’s drag her into a virus affected room without any knowledge

    Contaminated

    Again,  these fuckers decided to takeoff       their helmet

    Is there no regulation??

   Like, if they die      it’s on their own screwup

      No sympathy

   *Like I want them to reach a healer and       be held      ac        -countable          If     anyone       can       and      wants         to         is     another     argument      entirely

  Healing       is      not       a   guaranteed     ability

  In    the   direct     line       of   productivity     you   shouldn’t      be    fucking    around     with     things       that      could       get      you     killed       or     mother     nature

 So someone that will heal you from your   own   unaccountable   actions

Is   not     a   guarantee

 Like    with    food     or    water

  Move them away from you for Jesus Christ sake

   Like, seriously

   Neither of you are healers...

   And Ahsoka can’t assume accountability

   Aight,      Back to this      Scene 

   Right,         Okay

   Treachery

   Great...

   Antidote

   I think I found the answer for you

   No shit

   Okay,          the         ....      The captain of the guard doubles as a       healer

    Good for him

    Good to know he has that ability

    Rep        Syrup

   Aight

    Iego?

    ....

  Okay     bullshit     movie

  Compatible         cures           can            only              be             found                on               planets                 with              compatible              eco- ology

           Meaning                the cure              (the best cure)              (Or healer)               Should be              on planet

           Possibly                near                  the                  area

              Point being                     this should be on                     planet

                 And a great chance to show some nice        scenery

                And use the new queen

               And show Amidala reacts to how things have changed since she became senator...

I’m   disappointed

 That’s why most    find-a-cure- missions

 Because why would    planet fuck it have     a cure    for an   incompatible species?

You can’t   just toss    that thing up

 Deep separatist     controlled        space

   Seriously?

    Does    no one have a      greenhouse?

 (Herb     focuses       aren’t     necessary,        but I did figure there’d be one gardening       person!)

   Move cautiously

    Seriously,          Is there           no      Active     Healer        Focus-       Es-      Or    even      a    herb    guy?

 (It’s possible    it’s just really     weird)

 We did see doctors

 I mean.       Why       Can’t         You        Send      One       Of           Them?

      Like the system’s already    enabling

      You’re telling me there’s, not,  like one      neutrally enabled          herb          guy          That isn’t just like               Yeah, dude      what did you get into..?  

        Oh shit, yeah let me throw some reet wood on that, dude

       Again,          Possible

       Just out        of the ordinary

  “There’s no time         for caution,”

    Whoa, whoa, where did that come from?

   NOW he’s scared about      Ahsoka??

 (Like normally       (And I mean normally is in        Ahsoka not being an abomination of nature,        That would be kind of normal        And a reason to       fret, because        We don’t know- if that        kid will survive)

   But-

   It’s really un      earned  

  -Just      Every    where

   No humanity      to any of      this

  “And so is      Padme,”

   Obi-wan         Narrow      -ing      eyebrows

     Seriously?

        Like even by your own rules you should care about your        senator

      This is just   really un-earned

       Like,         You did no part to earn       that,  movie

  You didn’t set up Obi-Wan is a demanding       and/or intimidating individual

  You didn’t set up Anakin as a child following orders and having to correct at said orders/responses

      Or

An adult that is continuing to enable Obi-wan’s behavior

   You haven’t even set up     whatever Anakin/Padme      ‘s relation-ship          is supposed    to be

   You’ve been writing       (and having them            acted)             Like some          alien hybrid        that’s only job         is to be       an asshole

   As such I can’t take any of this with          any bit of seriousness

   The tone struggling on light         unrealistic-ness

     You need some hum       -anity

  Cause those things      aren’t human

  “ it’s a suicide mission     once we contain the virus,”

    Are you     actually going to start doing that?

     Letting them die out             Or              Getting a damn            Healer?

   -troops

   Aight

   Also how deadly is this    thing supposed to be?

   [The thing about healers      that makes them so specific,        There’s A) having access to the plant of       whatever you fecked with        (Having        Herbs on        deck when      you       do)          And the knowledge of which       plant will actually fix the problem   

    (Exclusive to           them.)

    Also,              The willing      -ness]

    Point             Being;         How rare is ibuprofen?

    There are no other medics

    And, you can’t toss them          down some food?

    ....

    Like, seriously

     What are your troops    even doing?

     (They don’t seem to be quarantining!)

     (I concur)

  Seriously,      

   Okay,

   Also, yeah, how’s that awkward car ride going to be?

    ....

What-ever

    No show of Obi-wan as he used to be

   No actual resent-ment from Anakin

         The main reason    most people decide to enable

   Just...        Hey, they’ll be fine!

     (Nothing told]

  “ if we suc       -ceed,”

   Again you set up no     risks-

   This thing could kill them      today or      tomorrow;          I have no idea

      I don’t

     Oh, ok   now there’s other droids!

    [This is getting very        heavily bullshit]

     Also you’re trusting       basically clankers            to open the door?

       Good for    you...

     “How we going to get out?”

     “Not our  problem,”

    Well, there        went any medium         of slight risk

      Neat

   Dude,      cou-      ghing

Seriously,  winner,           of the Darwin award          over here

        (Why?)

       Whelp

        Oh they’re standing right behind the      child      how nice

  My pity is       feckin minimal

    Okay

    We’re right outside your safety room

   Okay, great

     ‘ can you get the door open,’

      Oh, yeah that’s great

   Like not only should we let the     de-adly virus into the room

    Let the vulnerable      child get the door

  Great job         Amidala

  Any other        Babies        You       want         to      murder?

   “ go     ahead       Jar-         jar,”

   Did you ask the      other kid       to do it for you

    Fecking brilliant

      Didn’t even try to see if Rex and their others were wearing the helmet

   Just....    

   Amidala            Trash

   (Where        she      belongs)

    (You cannot convince   me           she isn’t the villain)

    “i’m sorry Ahsoka”

  For     what,     endangering         a     child        (To    possible     death)

    Because that’s the only reason that         she     would       be   apologizing

  Here;      it    makes     no    sense

 “ we still have       a     job      to     do,”

  No you don’t

  You heard the   droids...

   They don’t give a   shit...

   ....

  Emm

  Able

   Oh also now everyone has their      helmet      off

 Winners of the Darwin award,         This Squad

    Now      they’re          on

     Geez, that really    helps...

   ....

  Cutting through the     wall,..

   And now they care....

  This episode    really is setting       a bad       example         For        What       Justifies       Using         A         Ret-        Conn        For         ...     Okay someone’s helmet’s going to get broken...

  Aight

  Ahsoka is just plain      fecking fine

  Good to know that I will never have to worry about       her this entire episode

   Don’t open      that hatch?

    Again,           how?

   They....

  Hmm        ....         Aight

  This

 Grave- yard

  Those are       rocks

  Now their        ship parts...

  Okay

  Simple      Enough...

   No        AA       Guns

 Aight

 alright     don’t       try        to       land     anywhere       subtle

  (Not like in an unidentified ship Landing in the port will raise any    questions)

 (Obi-wan       loves       conflict)

    See?

    You       can’t        not     notice      that

 Every       one       is     down        for    murder

 (Specifically       of        the        roombas)

   Death     roombas

  Anakin

🎵 No emotion 🎵

     None       What-so-ever

  “Welcome to         Iego,”

     Not...    Death     Roombas?

   No          Guns....

  ANAKIN!

.............. ......           WTF

(Anakin’s      an    asshole!)

(Like     I don’t care how they try        to play that off..)

  He’s        Irredeemable

  (Nothing      after this      is surprising)

  Like      they could’ve been     sentient

  And regardless      wrecking someone’s shit  (that isn’t made for practice exercises)

   (More then       five times!)

      Toxic...       Beyond redemption

      (Or anything else besides accountability...      ..)

    Not relatable

   Dick move

  Seven       Teen

 I don’t think   they were battle droids mate

I think they were just automated      welcome

  Anakin destroyed someone’s prized  welcome droids

  That they may just to make people..     happy

  There isn’t exactly a rule about property ownership...            Wait, yes there is...

   Don’t be a      dick!

   (Don’t be a              dick!!)

   (You can’t kick them from       society for it...)

    But...you can bar them from your place

   Not cool...

   Dick

   “18, actually,”

    Shut up.

    J.Bo

    Probably         the       owner         of        the   establishment       you       just     trashed...

   Dick....

  Droids...

   He has      a point

   Not a        Kid

   Really...     has       gone        off        the          deep      end 

   Rash

   No        ...

  Well     a screw in my brain has clearly come loose....

  We already have one badly written      child   character

  Two    in    doubt

  And    now    this..

 Hm    

If you don’t want to write decent child characters      don’t         write     them

 (And      I     mean         don’t       write                               them,         Child       Characters)

   Write          adults    

   (And      I      mean          do           it      properly,       Don’t          childify                Them

    And pretend          like they aren’t        accountable          for their          actions               ......         As              you            can           tell              I’ve            gone            to         some          thing           of             a             Tranquil         fury             state               Now       paying attention        after     Anakin     screwed         with           a        bunch               of      dude’s             property           .......     But there’s really nothing on screen to justify it

    Do        you     know       what    would’ve     been     better?

    If Anakin had actually run into a semi accountable adult, Who bought him from his establishment under said reasons, and that was the core conflict, with Obi-Wan talking to the owner,              And Anakin left to contemplate his action

     Possibly deciding to fix the droids,                  Not out of any attempt             for forgiveness,

     But just because

     Showing            the          realization of the effort it takes to                                                             make                                                           something

       Or        possibly      deciding             to        destroy         them         more

   Showing        his       shift       from        his           original        state

   Possibly         some        resentment          towards          his         origin

      And..  how a good thought can be twisted it into a          bad action

  Children         aren’t        spoiled

   They repeat actions         they have            have been            ordered          to       repeat

    The giving of initiative          to this child

    Makes me       worried that       writers are      victim blaming         Children

 And a popular ‘look at this spoiled brat, he’s clearly responsible for his condition,’ ‘Isn’t that funny’ attempt to dodge responsibility, when in reality it has never been funny, always toxic, And it says nothing good about the medium or the writer who decided to write it 

 Even writers to attempt to mock this trope, Are in thin leniency,     

Because       the     only     way      to    stop    seeing      this      Trope,        is        to      stop      writing         it

    So        it      can      die

  Where       writing         like       that     belongs

   You        know      what     would         be      interesting?

    And adult character      written       like         that

   (Because         adults         are       actually       capable          of         malician

     Unlike       children

     Much          more       realistic

     Much         funnier         for      everyone        involved

 (Including       the      audience)

    And    without       that      pesky    concern that         enabling (and encouraging) the thoughts that children are capable of     malacian              And should be held to the same    standard               Is      Morally        Wrong

  Now continuing on with the   story

   “Droll,”

  That..     Poor      Droid

   Planet

 [you know it would make a lot more sense for him       to be here alone         If he was an adult

    And for “Droll”          , to leave a rich millionaire         on an uncharted planet            Alone.                 ......    

   Continuing            on...

     ....

[you are here         how child        who shouldn’t        be capable          of intuitive]

     50 tried         50 died

       How long have you been around to          see that          happen?

       Droll

       Why?

       You         have           to         get          a        plant

     Nothing           About

    [also how much cooler do you think it would’ve been if those have been   child soldiers and this was an adult just cautiously,         No caution - referen         -ing          How       they         died        like        a      sporting       event?

 Possibly showing Obi-wan’s        enabling side?

    Instead of        this      monstrosity?

    Ok,        we’re      here      now

  Don’t know where     those things came from since they just defeated      the battalion      before hand

  Okay

      Alright

    No        Risk

  ....

  [Some   -one      gave       the       child            a         gun...

      !

   Okay

    What            The          Fuck

     You         put        those       eyebags          of     “sickness”          back        where         they         belong        movie

     You’re        (Your)    Mary Sue        didn’t         earn        them

     And      showed         no       signs      before

   While soldiers in almost         complete armor were coughing up their lungs

    Senator’s         Screw-ed

     Show         off       those      eye-bags          of         death        now       movie 

     they       weren’t        there        before

     Anyway                .....

       ......

       Don’t             Care

        (Skip)

       (Emotionally!)

         Look              Fine

         Back             Here

         Why?

         Why             are             they              on               a             cliff?

          Movie,                you              didn’t               explain            anything

         Something                    .....                 Roots

           Vine

           Plants              don’t                 like                  it

[do you know this would be a normally philanthropic gesture, from someone ( an adult,) who seemed otherwise un-interested and     enabling of a bad situation

Here        It’s       Just                  🖕

  (Dropped          it)

      On          my       way         to       find        my    decreasing-

     Oh       there         it         is        at       the    absolute    bottom

 Because        I     don’t         give      a        shit-

 Teeth

  There’s no teeth there      animators

    Xandu

    Great

     That

      He        found         one

     Hope              on

     Whelp           (        )

      Good             Idea

        It Wasn’t

        ...

       We’re  back to the hatch

   Why

  Okay

   How do you know where they are   

how do you know there’s more

  Lots   of things being skipped over

  And I don’t have the time       to format them

 (Nor the patience...

    Okay

    Really       risking        it

    Argh

    Don’t.     Care

   Alright

    Yes   

Surprisingly

  Despite       all     logic

  🖕        This

  How    Specific      are       they

   ...

  What?

   What       was         I   supposed       to      get     there     animators?        (Or       voice       actors)

   .....

   Hm

  They didn’t hit the...

   Wtf?

   Okay

    Again why are the teeth     doing the thing??

  No explanation

   “Hurry,”

      It’s           Bed          Rock

      Screw            Cure

      “You             Made               It”

         Again            could’ve             been                  a              cute            moment                 .....            Instead

           Well                 Spice

            So                he’s not alone

             (Also how    with that supposedly big threat?

              That’s             supposedly             devastated                 several                ships

             Also      so his parents were some old time             Mogul

         What a been nice to have an adult             voice this

           Using the back water               as a justification

            Here;                   It’s just                nothing

              Left

              Can’t                 leave                   because                   of                   the                  cur(ve)

                Nice                 justification

                Would be nice if it came out of an actual adult

                  Instead of this walking horror        abomination of nature

                  Curse

Okay, movie    

you might have me back

Does the curse

 Possibly revert

 Him

  To a younger age?

   Cursed?

   Any one     going to explain that

    Cursed by who my    twitchy friend?

     No start with a          “what is the curse              ?”

     Droll

   “A Ghost?”

   Shut up Anakin    

There are       force ghosts

  Also- seriously

  We’re mashing            those         two tropes?

     Also why do you       care?

    You      have      people        to      save

   You      have        time         for      weird      curse        bullshi-         (Sorry          too       ag-   gressive)                Later

   Now          is       not       the       time...

    You      know       what?  

    Maybe         it         is-

    BECAUSE       THE       STORY        HASN’T      CLARIFIED         ANYTH-

        I         am         very          angry          at           the        story        right        now

    Mainly               For~

    Anyway .....       .......       Our          Protector

     Don’t fuck around with   magic

        Specifically                Luck

         Because it    wouldn’t exist if people are accountable

          And             the            world            does             not            deal            with          slackers            lately

       (Trust             me               I            know)

         Destroy              all

          Not very specific

          Also    what’s that curse about then?

         Cause             you’re              still              alive

       “Super-stition,”

          Obi-Wan                said               language

              Also Obi-Wan your Council turns into force - ghosts

            You, shut the fuck up                   (Lightly]

               Okay

    That proves     literally nothing

  Also “friend”,       He’s        severely      older than you

   Also I guarantee it’s going to be like an       AA tower or something

 Something explainable

  (Not a bad thing      it’s actually a pretty good thing on logic)

   Just saying   a lot of jumped beliefs

  And the kids shouldn’t care about it

 At most,  trained      to wince at it’s name

    Okay...

   Whatever old man,-

    Let’s go fight that monster

  (Or AA tower)

  Or whatever   it is

 Okay

  Taken as a   challenge

  Alright

 Okay

 Seriously    what is Droll??

   Aight          Okay

   “ blew up those   ships,”

   Besides an        electromagnetic          field             And their own incompetency?

      Okay

      Real we can handle

    Yeah

   Unless it requires him to be an     actual adult..

    Too bad    I really like those guys

     Children           can’t         Li-

   What-ever

[ How long till they crash?]

     Help

    More then he should be able to

    Kid

   The only acknowledgment of something that shouldn’t      exist

   Aka..

   THAT’S NOT A FUCKING, KID!

         Aka, it’s an abomination             of fucking nature!

                                     That’s                                         what                                           it is!

             Al-right

 Give him the com?

  And that’s when it hits him...

Like    I’m   100%   betting     (Not     Act-ually)       That       the       kid        is        “behind”.       it

   Aka        Shit   happens      right      after          he      asked  

   Meant          to          be      (dramatic)        irony

      But comes across as a kid          pulling the strings

   Okay,

    Not Gonna notice     that?

    Oh now you do

   What is it

    Okay,          how do they not know that’s what that is?

 Also, only for people going out

     Weird Separtist flex but Okay

So what       next?

   No

  Turn the ship around

  That - would be a good idea

  Destroy the-      satellite-

   Aight-

   Anakin, sees your odds-  

   And decides- 

   fuck yes you have a point

    Turn around

    Turn around

    Tell those guys what happened

     (Also all those previous       pilots just did not give a fuck!)

    Screw with the satellite!

    ....

   Leaving the planet

   Weird

   Again, weird flex

   ... But okay

     Back

  ‘They decide (not) to wear the shield like an idiot...’

   ‘Muddled crowd displeasure before dispersing’

      ‘wanted to hear squash’

        Some guy

        *some            separtist              guy

    Like all the adults know what’s going down in the circumstance and just decide to fuck with the foreigner

“Master,”

  Asoka   calling    her    mom

    Also no movie you can’t make me feel bad for               Ahsoka

       Amplify           the          signal

       How?

      Aight

 “Destroyed      all the droids    in the compound,”

   Oh yeah so now you know the    exact number

  Also, hey Amidala,         Do you want to talk about how you       scripted a child       (Out of the safety*            Of the chamber,)

    To fight your damn battle?

   No one’s going to bring up that          unfortunate implication?

  That’s not a mood killer            for you?

         ........          Open this           bunker....

        Why?

      Seriously

       The bunker...    Is not that serious a deal

        Seriously they were acting like this thing stays          infectious             for           forever

          Like it has infinite viability

         Also what about food and water?

       What about medicine?

  What about....

 Er...

Goodbye Aniken

I’m sorry   child killer   was I supposed to sympathize with you?

Because I don’t

Also, ‘goodbye’?

From cutting the com?

 Because literally   nothing else has been established about it?

  Heck Ahsoka’s been running around with no protection and           is not dead

  So clearly not that big of a deal

  Like     she’s got a light cough      (And heavily developed eyebags somehow)

.......

No seriously

   All she did was cut the com so       she could get some rest

  That’s....literally all that seems to be established

    (Yeah,        I know they’re trying to imply that she’s dying

    But you need to establish-)

   Power converter

   How is that going to help?

  “slow down Anakin,”

  Again maybe he can      maybe he can’t

     Literally nothing

   Or possibly been a good establishing moment       about Obi-Wan’s enabling tendency       (And disregard for human      life,)

    Or Anakin fighting against enabling          (Or the urge to         enable)

      But nothing

    “ they’re dying,”

   Or have a light cough       and want to take a nap

        Seriously      slow down you psycho

       “Two steps back,”

       Um, no

   Like,         this could’ve been a good moment

  About,        how Obi-Wan is trying to get him to enable or outright screw over the next generation

    Trying            to         stall         him             Under the guise        of helpful        advice

But there’s just    nothing

“Will to jump,”

  No, it     requires       the    personal    Account         ability      and      respect       (Of    yourself)       Mixed      with       the    sentience,     development        and       most         importantly,        Actualization             Of            An            Adult

    Which        the       tone        refuses         to      commit           to

    The conversation being as compelling as between two anthropomorphized blobs

   Refusing           to          Hold         Anakin       Accountable           For          His         Actions

                              While                                Obi-wan                                     is                                    also                                    let                                   off                                  too                                    light

[We    need      a      lot     more     mother      Gothal       and      less     kicked        puppy      dog)

   As     well      as    internal   struggle

(Obi-wan        is       not       the      hero       in      this         one,        Movie)

    There            is         no        good       enabler

  “At   least        hear        me     out        on    this,”

Yeah     listen      to     the   narcissist.           (One      who       is    completely       ok      with     child   grooming.)

 (Multiple   occasions)

  Citizens       of         a       Llego

  Oh so you have time for a     committee!       (This       is      why      you     don’t     trust      an   enabler (narc)     with      the     plans:

  They      are       far     more   interested       in     getting     approval          (For   themselves!)     then     actually      fixing         the     problem

   This       is       why         we      have       the      rule       of      five

   So    some    asshole     doesn’t      slow     down   productivity    (among      other     things)       because       they       can’t       get      over      their      ego

  (Or     the     benefit       of    humanity      over   themselves)

   All the adults already know this thing      isn’t a ghost

  And all the     kids can’t help    and shouldn’t be involved

  This is literally     just an ego trip      for Obi-Wan

  Nonsense

  And this dude

  Who clearly       Must’ve been      Alive 

  Or at least knowingly decided to spew this bullshit

 Because no one‘s first thought is the supernatural

(Seriously)

 (Who even bothers thinking about      that?)

  (When you have a life to live)

   (No hate)

 Just there’s plenty of time to contemplate     death

   (Don’t know why anyone would want to)

  Without, you know, screwing up everyone   else

   (Mostly)

Seriously, just don’t argue with    narcs

  Just send them to accountability        (Be accountable yourself)

    Okay

    Angels

    Shiny

    What

     WTF

    Why

    What         is     occurring.?           .....    

   Stole       our     moon

    ?

 Also   seriously?

   Is it really time for        prehistoric       chatter         about the long list of tox and baggage these guys have         accumulated?

     You know where the problem is, you know it’s probably uninhabited           (This place looks       pretty damn ancient)

      So, just...

    Look I know why Obi-Wan isn’t doing it...         But seriously a waste of time for Skywalker to be        you know   fighting his inner demons          About      enabling        this      bullshit

     As          an     adult

 Which      he       is     written      as

  With     actualization

 [              ]

  Long      sigh

  Minus        Prime

 Seriously       do      we     have     time      for      this?

   Also what about that some thing another guy

   Valley

   Down       The        Thing

   Nobody       ever      goes      that     way

 Now on a different   planet        ....      What

Milius     Prime          .......

Vulture    droids ........

Why?       .......

Don’t we have?

Argh      ....... 

my brain is honestly pretty fried at this point

That’s -  that’s   too many details

    ... most of them   irrelevant

 Remote    control

  Please...       Wrap            it       up

   Okay

  Alright

What-ever

  Just...   get it over with

  Lazar     Admitter        .....        Wait, what?

 When was a        laser admitter        Brought         Up?

   What          About         The         Milius...

  Why...

(I fecking hate             Literary           (And plot)      Littering

    Good       stories         live          by       Chekov’s              Gun

     Die          by       the    accountability      scale

   Which by     if two people die         then   two people must live        (Be born)

 And that gun        better be    feckin fired

Because that     information     takes up     valuable      space

  We were         Introduced           To the      Forbidden            Path       Thing... A while     ago

   On      the     same     planet

 (Supposedly   somewhere        in          the      distance)

 Now we’re    about to leave the planet..

 Where’s the      gun shot....?

   Seriously what’s in the distance?

  Oh   so there’s somehow water

   Also   everyone just fecking around

    Great,        I care about none of these characters

      Except            the          Baby

     [Where’s          Jar-Jar?]

      Aight

     What           a        waste

    Completely          their          own          fault

      And          yours’

     Child       killer!            (Or guess only     Asoka directly,)

        And dragged     Jar jar into the situation

        Like this is completely her      own fault

    “Born to do,”

    I’m sorry were you going for an actually serious     moment?

    Like that was actually a surprisingly     self-aware moment

    Shame we don’t know if that guy is dead

  Or anything   about the situation      That would      make it     even the      tiniest bit      stressful          .......     

    The scene and everything I think it’s trying to      go for

     Nah

    You didn’t earn it         .....

“Sacrifice,”

 Again, so he’s dead now??

  Seriously, what

 Who was that?

 How?

 How long?

???????         ??

  You       are      bad        at     setting        up        a        story

[The who what where are changes on a feckin dime

The risks,      as such,      Are   non-existent

And no idea

What the heck is going    on

[besides a basic blueprint    of what I think the writers are trying to pull]

 [from past experience]

 (They literally didn’t set up anything)

  (Anything)

   (What-so-ever)

    Must      believe

      Must believe in     feckin what?

      Padme told him not to open the   door

     (For fuck all reason)        

     ....

     .......

    What am I supposed to feel?

    It’s literally no odds

   No established risk...

   “Ahsoka!”

   Oh, she fell asleep 

    Feckin drama queen

Also you   

you did that

Good job      “Amidala”              The feckin       child killer               .....

  Argh

   Whelp

   Back to these frickers fricking around

Really     increases      the    feeling       of      those    nonexistent      odds

   As     well        as        the   completely   non-consistent     pacing       ...

Great

Okay

Just get it over with....

 What...

 Who things don’t look like what we saw   before...

Heck, they don’t even look like   vultures

“Vulture,”

 Alright

[Rolls-         Eyes]

 This works

   Okay...

   Aight

  Yeah       no

   Okay,          Guys..

    Aight

   Could’ve been out of satellite distance

    Kid

   Droids

   .....

 What-ever    

   ....

  Why are they celebrating?

  They don’t know shit happened

[or maybe they do]

I don’t have the energy to bother with   narc logic

Just let it end...

Aight

“That you’re-

 Dude     wrong clip      wrong order   

  ....

Aight

Okay

Yeah     Sure

Okay

Oh so now they can open the door?.

“Padme,”

  Aniken you are not a healer

  Your a herb-getter at most

   Oh so you have a very important person apparently didn’t have any      medical resources up to this point

   Kinda bull

   Opens eyes        [Not Romantic]

   That’s bullshit

  “I spoke with the medical droid,”

   Would’ve been nice to          see that

  Also, oh yeah well I was arguing     semantics about whether or not they had a healer  

   They totally did

   They could’ve sent it a medical droid

   Avoided did 90% of this bullshit

    Full recovery

    The dude who    hasn’t even gotten the Herbs?

    Or not distributed them?

   “I never lost faith in you,”

    Bull

     And the most stunted line ever

  [which would make sense for a          child soldier.]

     Adult?

       Unlikely

       Debatable

       Dubious

“None of us did,”

 Bull-shit

 And speaking for a lot of people

  That aren’t you

   [Authority         Assume]

   “ where we weren’t so sure,”

     [Show          Don’t tell,]

      “ well you did make it”

    Despite none of this being established

   Like I don’t think     she knew about the cure

   And specifically told you       not to

 [What kind of      tox....]

  Aight

  Okay

  By        the      way           ....    

   “Your padawan was brilliant..”

    The CHILD I recklessly endangered

 Ergh

  Aight

Whatever

   Get it over with

   General        skywalker

     Don’t         Care.

      My        Lady

        That                feckin        endangered            a          child

      [Two]

     Jar-Jar      surprisingly           still         ALIVE            after           that         incident

         I heard you were quite a good child soldier

        And like any other positively over involved groomer...  

          [Like I did with Anakin]

      Can’t resist         the temptation   

     to screw over another generation   

     🖕

  Training 

     AAAhhhh!

     I was just joking!

  Really starting them young      Obi-Won

  [He really can’t- resist

   The urge to drag someone into his     fucking-

        Obi- won                  Is                   A               Narc             Confirmed

          Feck               Him

          Jar-           Jar                is               a               child

            He            should              not              know               how                to               use               any             blaster

           [aka                Gun]

[unfortunately thanks to   Princess Amidala*

* she’s a Senator

*i’m just    very done...

 Aight

“ you did a fantastic job,”

  You did a fantastic job          Nearly dying....     You supposed to be defenseless child

    🖕

*Training

 Grooming

  “Yeah,”

   What?

    That was like a      goofy laugh

  “I probably do deserve,”

  Narc 

Children     can’t     have    attitude

 “But      not       all       of        it,”

  Amidala     also     deserves       credit         for     ordering        you       into      danger

   Padme,          high        five         for     endangering      children

  Seriously       who        is       still    painting      them       as      the     good     guys?

  They’re   Adults

   They-

   ....

[ “Thank you”

    For    fucking    nothing ]

....

 I think I’m going to use my     most repeated comment for           this episode; Not deserved

                             On that                                 subject;

                              It follows the same                                   pattern of the last two                                      Episodes

* One     that       is   constantly    changing,        Just      before        Strike     territory,        For another       formula        that’s          a      different      degree        and       volume       (type)         of    mediocre        and    problematic

     Saving it         from            a         strike           But          not            a       mediocre          episode

       Unfortunately, maybe it’s because it’s the third one to try this, special attention must be drawn to the fact that they have no idea how to do this

     While the bits that are pretty much           prepackaged are fine

       The rest         struggles

  Bringing to light a fundamental unaccountability           In accountability      By disregarding     what made it work in the first place

  And throwing in the trope haphazardly         (With no thought to it’s            (in)conclusion)

     Believing it to be sufficient enough

    Without any of the     necessary set up        Characterization        Or emotion

  With the mystery one, the set- up was erroneous, the “mystery,” rushed and over in 5, with the grace of a good villain

    With this;

    The “set up” doesn’t even get beyond the ground

    Screwing up some of the       key important elements

     - One; The cure’s on planet allowing for some environmental exploration, while maintaining realistic probability

     - Two; The deadline for expiration is explicitly outlined, creating tension

     - Three; The heart, comes for the fact that nobody wants anyone else dead and would rather see them be held accountable, (or live to be held accountable)

     - Fourth; The effects are semi-consistent

     - Fifth (unspoken); children are always vulnerable              (If a adult can survive it- neither can a kid- debatable]

        And also; (Optional) The cure is           seen distributed for a more tangible sense of relief

        You broke three of the five rules

          The three Most important ones

          As such;

          The tone, pacing and tension

            (Never mind the Heart,                     Which I shutter                           to think of,)

                        Flounder                               like                                  a                            (soon-to-be)                               dead                                 fish                                  out                                      of                                     water

If you’re going to do a     pre-established plot 

         Do it            right

  Don’t      cut   corners

    And make it as          manufactured               as           packing           peanuts,

         With              as              much             heart              (Emotional                Value)