#again i cant sleep. the energy is suffocating. i need to be held tightly and to tussle till my body gives out

[craycraybluejay]

people think i'm "rude" for being too blunt/too honest but if i took some kind of uncontrollable truth-telling serum i would be actually suicide-inducingly horrible to be around. i'm honest but trust that i take care to be much more polite, fair, and controlled at most times than I want to. you could not take 5 minutes of me blurting out everything that goes on in my brain in gruesome detail, especially pertaining to You specifically. kindness and courtesy are neither a weakness nor proof of some inherent purity. they are a bore of a chore. and while it is an incredibly irritating chore it is required in order to exist (less) hassled by society.

idk. it's truly annoying to spend much effort and energy on all of everything alone. and after accepting no help will come your way, no ackmowledgement or reward for your work comes either. and not only. instead comes punishment. punishment for the grave sin of not being good enough at pretending like i love small talk and not being good enough at kissing ass and not being good enough at neither keeping my head down and doing nothing nor making waves. not being good enough no matter which way you turn, what weight you pull, how much pain you opt to ignore in favour of pushing onward. there is no prize, no safe space, there is only the anger in the meaningless and base fight to survive. hatred, death, despair, the deep wells of agony. and within it all a part of you screams itself hoarse and then quiet to break the dam. at such high capacity, it doesnt matter of its toxic sludge or just water. "just water" kills everything in its path. tsunamis, typhoons, tropical storms, rainstorms, deadly hail... a little bit builds up and in the right place it can be cried out, or redirected, or simply evaporate in the warm, kind, invigorating rays of the sun. but what then if there is no place for that kind of thing. you are the river above a city and you grow and you grow and come the next storm you may just flatten it all to nothing with everyone inside. the dam allows no space to move or grow smaller. you grow so big you don't know if it's even a river anymore. what you are is some strange unnatural body with a riptide so intense it rivals the wildest ocean tides.

i remember the time i almost got swallowed by a storm riptide clearly. it took just a touch of the water and i am being pulled by a force stronger than anything i have felt before or again, something wild and so much bigger. a storm that no longer wants or has any purpose or even one clear cause... without reason, it doesn't *want* to destroy ships and tug people to their crushed deaths. no. it just-- will. it will do that. it has no will but it will kill you. it will destroy everything. what a beautiful terror. but why in me. tugging tugging tugging. sometimes i wish my weak little kid body got seized by the riptide and that i could not break free at all. that would be an epic death.

#rambles #someone promised me a visit to a rage room!!!! they must deliver!!!!!! #i must admit i do look down on the one that rages like a traumatized little bitch-- dog #at every little thing #the one who-- in the real world-- is too angry and stupid even to shut its mouth when it kills itself #here i am with all this anger you put inside me and its enough to genuinely want to wipe our planet dead #and here i am calmly listening to you air your pathetic grievances while i think of smashing your skull in with this hammer #and you. you... like a little baby given power. #and here i fucking am taking it and trying so hard to maintain. as if it wouldnt be such a relief to just let go #as if i havent envied you for your senseless retarded pursuit of being so unapologetically terrible to people #as if i wouldnt do anything to trade our minds and places and be the stupid eternal toddler #people think the things i occasionally say or do are anger. it is not #how many switches will you flip and buttons will you push until you choose the wrongest one yet #how much longer must i withstand this pressure with my hands under me and my teeth pressed firmly together #how many more times do i have to stop in the middle of acting on instinct. instinct to survive and fight #instinct that will destroy indiscriminately. #if its like this for long enough... do you think water can become fire? youve heard of hell freezing over but have you heard of earth #becoming hell? #again i cant sleep. the energy is suffocating. i need to be held tightly and to tussle till my body gives out #no i need to feel bones crack under me.

[justawritingblob]

The fact that I'm in all of those fandoms you're writing 😃

Hello! I'll be known as the Sero Anon!

My yandere request for you is;

{Choose character} Sabo/Luffy/Sanji, or Hawks/Kirishima/Denki

[Plot]Reader is aware of their yandere tendecies and takes advantage of how much the yandere is in love until the yandere snaps

Luffy is an easy yandere to fall in line with.

it becomes really convenient really quick. He's not a very romantic person most of the time, so really it's just being the favorite crew mate at first. You don't have to help around the ship as much. You can sleep in later. You have final say on when your turn to keep watch is. A lot of the time you even end up sleeping in his captains' quarters with him, which is significantly more comfortable then the hammock you're used too.

Not to mention the extra food. You get all this, and all he wants is for you to sit on his lap sometimes and let him wrap his arms around you several time, or he'll wake you up at odd hours of the night just so he can talk to you when nobody else is around. Those can be kind of frustrating, but other times he just wants you to sit at his special spot with him. He has a need for you to be with him during his quiet moments, the rare ones that everyone is always fixated on.

The rest of the crew didn't really mind, they thought it was kind of funny for the most part. Robin would always give a knowing look, Zoro was definitely the most frustrated by it, but even he thought the captains blatant infactuation was fun. It wasn't like you weren't helpful, you just enjoyed the privileges you got. You were a pirate too after all, none of them were gonna blame you for acting like one.

So you couldn't help but be a bit surprised when Luffy decided for you that you were sharing a room now. It didn't change much, but him moving your stuff for you was unsettling. From there, you never really had any time away from your captain. And even when you were around other people, he didn't like when you payed attention to them. He wasn't violent to the crew, he'd just be louder, overwhelm you with him until the other person left, or until you gave in and gave him the attention he wanted.

Then he started waking you up more. Everytime he woke up, he'd wake you too. He couldn't stand being away from you for too long. You weren't really yourself, but the crew just worked around it. Sanji would give you an extra coffee, an extra strong coffee. They stop making as many jokes about being the captains favorite.

It was a rare occasion for you to wake up while Luffy was still asleep. You found yourself staring at his sleeping form. He was quiet. You were overwhelmed. You were tired. You realized you desperately wanted to leave, and to escape anywhere else but here. It wasn't worth it anymore, living like this wasn't worth how tired you were. How uncomfortable you were. How you felt more like a pet at this point then a favorite person.

But you couldn't leave. The Thousand Sunny was god only knows where. Surrounded by water. You were isolated with this man. Your captain. And the crew who loved each other, but him specifically more then anything. This was your life now.

Luffy stirred, and your stomach dropped.

But then he just turned away from you. You couldn't see his face or the rise and fall of his chest. It was the first time you could remember being awake and looking at anything else. The moment got to you. You slipped out of the bed, out of the room, and left.

You really didn't know where you were going as you wondered the dark and quiet halls. It was nice being alone. It was so much more tolerable being alone. You knew to avoid the crows nest, the deck really in general was to be avoided. You didn't know who was standing watch tonight, and unless it was Robin they'd probably try and chat.

You realized you were still tired, while you walked around the empty ship. The quiet made it easy.

You hadn't even realized how much you had really missed the quiet.

But good things don't last long for you, and much too soon for your liking, you heard a panicked yell.

Luffy was awake.

You didn't want to give up your isolation yet, you couldn't bear the thought of it. So thinking quickly, before everyone was up and looking, you ducked into a storage room and cuddled into a ball under some shelves. You pulled a crate in front of it to hide you for good measure.

You're so tired.

As you drift off to sleep you fantasize about the shelves crushing you, and it brings you more hope then any thought you'd had in a long time.

When you wake up the noise is louder. It's down the hall. Luffy's right outside, and you can feel the worry and anger and fear radiating off of him from where you were hidden.

"We'll find them. Nobody new has come on the ship, and for sure nobodies left. They probably just woke up and wanted a snack or something, then they fell asleep."

It was Robin. She was talking slow and soothing, probably trying to calm the worried teenager down.

"Yeah? Well they should've woken me up." He says it with a tone that makes you wish you'd stayed in bed with him.

You felt like it'd be better for everyone involved if you had been kidnapped or were being held hostage. Then this wouldn't be your fault. Then someone else would have to take the worst of his anger.

But there was nobody else. Just you.

The doors kicked open.

You feel like the panics gonna make you throw up.

"There's too many places to hide in here."

Usually it'd sound whiny, but it doesn't right now.

"Do you think they're hiding?"

"I think they need to be found."

You're sure this is it. You're so sure that you're about to be found. The confrontation is moments away, and you are in now way prepared for it. You don't have a good excuse. You don't know what else to do, so you go limp and pretend you're asleep.

"There's only a few places really for someone their size to fit comfortably in here. Shelves or the closet."

"Alright, well then go look under the shelves."

He's much more demanding then you ever realized.

You keep pretending you're asleep, so you're not sure when Robin's eyes find you. But they do. Then, the crate is being moved. You expect to be ripped out, to be shaken awake, for more yelling. You them to immediately try and "wake" you.

But they don't. Instead a wave of hands gently moves you out from where you were, into the light. You cant help but move to cover your face slightly. It's so bright, and it's what you'd do if you were actually sleeping too, right?

They still don't move to wake you, so you suppose it's gotta be working somewhat.

Then Luffy picks you up, and you know that you should say goodbye to any independence you'd had for a long time.

He's more careful then you'd expect though. He seems like he's really trying not to wake you. He carries you for such a long time. Then he drops you on the bed. Cruelly, suddenly. If you'd actually been asleep he would've absolutely woken you now.

"I know you're awake (y/n). I know what you look like when you're sleeping." He's always blunt, you have to remind yourself. But not like this, and you know that.

You should cut your losses. You know you should. So you make a move to sit up, but you're shoved back down.

"If you're tired then sleep."

You are tired. You're so tired. Why shouldn't you? it's not like staying awake will somehow make this all better. You're the closest to alone you can possibly be in your sleep. If he wants to tempt you, then you'll take him up on it.

When you wake up you're uncomfortable. That's not new. You usually wake up suffocating. Luffy's usually got his arms wrapped tightly around you when you wake up.

But not today. Right now your alone in the bed, with an uncomfortabley tight collar around your neck. It's connected to a chain leash, that's currently keeping you tethered to the bed. You only have enough room to take a few steps away from either side of the bed, and could only really stand at the edge.

You slowly brought your hands to your neck, and were uncomfortable when you couldn't find any sort of clasp, other then where the leash was attatched.

The humiliating realization that Franky probably made this while you were sleeping dawns on you, and you have to choke back a sob. You can't even join the rest of the crew for your own emotional support. You just get to sit on the bed, waiting for Luffy to get back.

Which he does. He seems happy when he gets back, like nothing's happened. He smiles at you even.

"Hi (y/n)! I missed you. But everyone else said I should let you sleep a little longer- said it'd make things easier.",

Of course they did. You appreciated the little of the gesture you could, but still couldn't bring yourself to respond. Luffy didn't really seem to mind, he just kept talking.

"Don't really know what happened this morning, you can explain later after you've eaten. Don't worry about it though!" he leaned forward and yanked the leash.

"We've got a bunch of these all over the ship now! so if I don't have you, I'll know for exactly where you are! So if it's not gonna happen again, no reason to still be upset about it, right?"

he's smiling again, like what he's said makes any sense at all.

You should probably nod along. You can force your head up and down once, but all of your energy is gone. You might as well make peace with your new life, you realize. You're never gonna be able to get out of this.

#yandere luffy x reader #sero anon #a lot longer then I meant #might come back and do Sabo for this too #tbh