#ah that elusive balance lol

[isabellehemlock]

Sabbatical

TL;DR I’m downsizing my volunteering commitments in my community by half, because I haven’t made adjustments for the fact that my family’s chronic health issues have meant an increase in medical appointments from about four to a dozen a month in the last two years, and I need some physical rest for my own health. However, I’m sure some days will include guilt as I essentially “nest” in the winter, and I’d appreciate any words of encouragement you might be able to leave me <3

August is always a deep month of reflection for me, there are no less than five anniversaries of lives and deaths that have left lasting impacts in our family. It’s not so much a hard month of grief, because time eases all things, and nothing lasts forever - but in a way that’s the one thing I’ve learned from grief: to treasure the relationships while I have them. To love hard, while I can and where I can, because it’s not always death - sometimes people outgrow something, or move on, or it’s no longer servicing a need - but regardless, August is a month of deep reflections about how I show up in my relationships, and what I can work on and where I can do better.

But this year feels different. This year, after some prayer and contemplation, the word sabbatical entered my heart and I realize it is exactly what I need: an acknowledgement that I have worked hard for my community, and also acknowledgement that I deserve to rest to restore.

The truth is, my family’s health issues - including new diagnosis’ - has meant that in the last two years we went from about four appointments a month to a dozen, and sometimes even closer to fifteen, including ones involving overnights to the Mayo that we now do every six months. It has gone from a part time situation to a full time situation, and there’s simply no way for me to honor my community commitments, with worsening health, and my familial obligations to drive around as much as I am doing. It has unfortunately already impacted both my creative time, and most importantly my spiritual time when emergencies happen (and boy the last ten months of back to back to back - some of y’all have seen my color coded planner, it’s been insane lol). I have spent many more weekends in bed than I care to admit, because I’m exhausted from the week.

So how am I going to go about my sabbatical?

I’m going to downsize my volunteer commitments by half. I’m going to be stepping down as president of a local non profit chapter, and not teach Faith Formation this year, as well as not take on any volunteer commitments with the school district. Instead I’ll be able to pour those hours into both my creative and spiritual time to better nourish myself during the long winter months when my lungs are at their worst. When it is imperative that I’m inside as much as possible - where I can still find ways to help my community (I’ll still be doing various work that involves calls/emails), but not the physical commitments.

My hope is that I’ll also be able to spend the remainder of this month, and next month, focusing on downsizing the house and working on repairs before the colder air in October pushes me indoors. Being able to spend several months running around slightly less (those med apps aren’t going away lol), means I’ll be able to spend quality time with my husband and kiddos. But it also means that I’ll be able to invest time in my spiritual life (have I mentioned I’m making my life promises this month as a Lay Dominican??) and hobbies (both creatively, but also making some niche corners of the internet lol). And I’m excited to have more of a balance between them all.

Because the truth is, if I tried to wipe it all away, my ADHD brain would be LIT lol. I need community, I need things I can do from home, I need connection. But both my body, and my family’s health, means there’s certain limitations and that doesn’t mean I can’t do the things - but I need to acknowledge that I have to do them a little differently. I don’t want to give up even more things that fill me up, so I can do more things that drain me. Nah, we’re going to do it the other way around now :)

Besides, let’s be real, it’s not like I can’t call up my parish, or the school district at any time and ask if they got small projects that’ll will take a day or two for me to work on if I’m feeling up to it. There will always be something to do <3

But my hope is to communicate this all with enough advance notice - and potentially even help with a transition period as needed - because at the end of the day: others deserve me bringing my best to the community and to my family and to my health. And I deserve to listen to my body and rest and restore.

However the reason I’m sharing this all is because I’d love to hear any words of affirmation you might like to pass along my way, I’d be happy to keep them on my phone on hard days where guilt sets it. Thanks in advance!

#personal #reflections #long post #ah that elusive balance lol #but I'm excited for things around the corner! 💗

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (12/03/23)

not as much stuff this time cause there's none of the monthly stuff but nice stuff overall except for ichigoki lol next week gonna have jojolands however 👀👀👀

Dandadan Ch96

mostly an action chap so I'll take the chance to say again, it's crazy how yukinobu can have art this good on a weekly series

the last scene was very good tho 👀

Tokyo Underworld Ch33

last chap was a bonus one which is why I didn't talk about it last week. not really a lot to say tho, chap was just setting up the action for the next few chaps, tho it did foreshadow someone dying, which my prediction is it being hirasaka but we'll see

Ichigoki's Under Control!! Ch14

bad as usual 😔 I wish it had gone the shugomaru route and just gone completely crazy when it learned it was getting axed instead of just floundering like this. oh well

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch16

hey actually not a bad chapter, it's actually moving the story along now so that's good. the last few chaps have a been a lot more interesting than the little arcs focusing on the siblings

Ginka & Gluna Ch25

a spell that lets you exchange memories for power is a very neat concept. the author probably planned to have this in the ending from the start, which is why there was such an emphasis on travelling and adventure at the beggining, but because it's getting axed it feels less impactful since we and (in our perspective) the characters have spent less time on this journey. however, despite that I can appreciate the idea, shame it didn't get to realize it's full potential

Fabricant 100 Ch13

whoa 3 good chaps in a row that's crazy tho I don't think that'll save it

Jiangshi X Ch8

nice chap with a good balance of plot and action, tho I still think what I predicted next time will happen

Tokyo Demon Bride Story Ch26

not a lot to say, not a bad chap at all, still a shame it didn't get more time

Witch Watch Ch100

whoa the big 100!! used up on dropping us on chap 171 of the popular in-universe manga... like this chara said in the chap:

Cipher Academy Ch15

another nisio barrage page, the end was good tho 👀

also this was cute

Mashle Ch147

ah yes, the good ol "guy stays behind to fight to buy the mc time" trope. cool chap tho

Blue Box Ch92

2nd anniversary 🎉🎉I've said it before but it's really refreshing to have a female author on jump, and for her series to be so successful. was a really good chap for the anni too. that last panel 👀👀👀

Sakamoto Days Ch110

another great action chap thank you for the food 🙏

The Elusive Samurai Ch101

I honestly didn't expect ashikaga to move out already that's very spooky for our mcs, also prob anime announcement next week?👀

Akane-banashi Ch53

another amazing chap like usual😩god akane is so good

Ayakashi Triangle Ch123

a nice chap to cooldown from that mini hinojiki arc, I'm rooting for girl matsuri tho

#silver talks animanga

[locria-writes]

Do you mind posting a list of all the good otome games you've played or are really interested in? Or if that's too complicated, maybe a list of your top 10 favourites? I see you posting about them often and I've been wanting to try some of them because...hello hot guys galore...😱😱😱

you don’t know how much i love gushing about otome games and my harem of husbandos (also lmao i’ve outed my terrible tastes here)

pc games

steam prison // so so good, definitely recommend! my only complaint is that you can’t romance Good Boi finn (by proxy depriving us of that wonderful cyrus/sachsen banter), but i guess i can settle for adage lmao. hits a very good balance between humour and seriousness, but it’s a really long game to complete

nightshade // honestly, one of my absolute favourites ever. ost is kickass, sprites are gorgeous, and the plot is pretty good. they’re literally all such good beans ugh i love them all. depending on the play order you do, and whether you do the bad ends or not, it can be not-too-painful sad to wow-just-rip-my-heart-out-and-stomp-on-it sad. goemon is honestly the best though, just saying

hakuouki // i’d recommend both games, but if you can’t afford it, then get edo blossoms, since that’s where most of the romance is. also, they get their western uniforms in that one!!! hachiro is still my best boi (sorry okita, heisuke, harada, and everyone else). suuuuuper long to play through, i think it took me ~60 hrs to complete everything, but it’s a labour of love

amnesia // okay, i trashtalk this a lot, but it’s a solid game except for when they did my boi toma dirty >:c ikki is definitely best boi though. some routes are better than others (read: toma’s route is pretty meh while everyone else has pretty great ones), but ukyo arguably has the best and saddest one. i feel like this is almost an otome staple at this point lmao

nameless // another classic and favourite of mine! yandere galore, more than a little heartbreaking, and wow just wow overall. they’re all such sweet guys (yes, tei and ??? included), and the side characters are all fantastic and very memorable. it’s kinda long though, i think 50+ hrs to finish everything, but oh my god is it worth it. i teared up quite a few times

ozmafia!! // a controversial choice, but i loved all the characters in it, and in the end, the plot did pay off. it just feels like a very cramped and rushed game at times, but the characters make up for it, honestly. i’m just mad over how they did my boi hamelin so fricking dirty #JusticeForHamelin #HamelinDidNothingWrong yes i’m still salty about it

cinderella phenomenon // highly recommend this one since it’s free! it’s probably my favourite oelvn to date -- beautiful art, great storyline, and wonderful characters except when they did my boi varg so so dirty :c the last 2 routes are definitely more painful than the first 3, and way more important to the plot.

the rose of segunda //another oelvn i highly recommend! pretty, a great read, and lovable characters. there’s a secret romance too, and holy god it was so good! frederique and mc are so great together, and i honestly fell so hard for leopold because w o w  i love me an ambitious man like him

monochrome heaven* // i have so many feelings about this one, but i’ll still recommend it lol. it’s very...depressing and can get difficult to read at times. honestly, it says a lot when the worst boi turns out to be the best boi. i remember just feeling so hollow after finishing the game, but it was worth the hours i invested

‘till death do us part* // a very questionable addition to this list, but i really liked it. marcus and jack are probably the most ‘romantic’ of the bunch, but i guess it’s not really an otome game

boyfriend to death 1 & 2* // 2 more questionable choices a la the above, but i enjoyed them both. lawrence, damien, and strade were my favourite guys

mobile games

ikemen sengoku // l o o k, i’m a sucker for the sengoku era, beautiful art, and great casting choices for voices okay??? i like playing softer and more light-hearted games sometimes, and this is the perfect game for that. honestly, every single guy is likable and none of them treat mc terribly (yes, including the yandere, the snek, and the playboy).

ikemen revolution // honestly, the same as the above. a great light read, lovable cast, and beautiful art. also, super stoked for mousse atlas to get over here because i’ve already decided that i’m completely in love with him

ikemen vampire // yeah, i know this isn’t out yet in english, but from what i played of jpn and what i’ve read of translations, i love it already. kinda feels like fate meets otome, and i love all the character designs, voices, and concepts

samurai love ballad party // like ikemen sengoku, but angstier lmao. i don’t really like the art and the sprites, but the story and characters are great, so i don’t really mind. i just wish my faves would stop being such disasters (ieyasu, sakuya, nobuyuki, kotaro)

love and producer/mr love queen’s choice // HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY LORD AND SAVIOUR BAI QI/GAVIN???? if you’ve played love nikki, it’s the same kind of grind, but i don’t even care??? the cards are beautiful??? the bois are all so wonderful and cute and perfect (yes, even shady af scientist)???? have i told you how wonderful and perfect my husband bai gege is??? also, download the japanese voice pack, the eng dub is kinda crappy

mystic messenger // so time-consuming, but so addicting lol. very fun, surprisingly dark, and all the characters are great (except for rika, we all hate rika). 707 is my home boi, but saeran is fantastic and i demand a proper unknown route because i want to get terrified by this lovely edgy angsty kid

my last first kiss // i can sell this in 3 words -- childhood friend romance. like, that’s my jam right there. i love the guys and their relationships with mc (fussy ayato is so cute, and mako and taka are so so sweet with mc). super fun and sweet read

lust in terror manor* // an elusive horror otome! it’s too bad it never got properly completed, but i guess there’s some kind of closure? translation’s kinda crappy, but good enough to read. rui and naoto were kinda meh, but hayato was the best boi, sorry i don’t make the rules.

several shades of sadism* // okay i can explain -- i love trashmen, i love guys with serious emotional baggage, and i love guys with flaws that make them oh so very real. minato is my favourite trashbag and i actually almost cried during his route because even though he’s an asshole, he’s really trying his best

cinderella contract* // this is where you realize i have no taste/standards whatsoever. trashy, i know, but goddamn i’m so invested in this. yuri is the trashiest of them all, and therefore he’s my husband sorry i don’t make the rules

princess of the moon* // ah yes, the trashiest of the trashy and i’m so ashamed i read this, let alone enjoy it as much as i do. very very smutty but i’m disappointed my boi dean didn’t get released on the og app

(*) -- game contains dubcon/noncon and just very questionable content in general. not for the faint of heart at all

#not writing related #very long list of almost every otome game i've played because i have no tastes or standards #pls do with this what you will anon #also i feel like i'm about to get kinkshamed by someone for this smh #Anonymous

[opalmothnightingale]

Humpty Dumpty

9- 20- 17 - 

I am not Humpty Dumpty but I think I will put my pieces together again, even though it will take a great amount of work and time and miracles and such, it feels, but I think I can do it.  I know I can.  

I believe in myself and this and all the things that I need to just make myself try and keep going when there are so many things pulling me apart, scattering me, drowning and sloshing me, head just above the water, etc...  

Even still I think I will actually be put back together.  Humpty Dumpty was oppressed because he lived in the Dark Ages or whatever.  Or something...  Lol  *sigh*  So,..  Yeah...  

I started my blog on putting my pieces together, etc:

mosaicofmyself.tumblr.com

My daughter often used to create other endings for the stories that she found too disturbing.  She still does, in fact,...  But lately she’s accepting the sorrow laden Aesop’s Fables, with no qualms, so maybe there’s hope she can deal with life’s reality after all, eventually.  She still resists reality about many things, wishing things could be absolutely perfect and easy all the time.  

I don’t know where she got this, because we haven’t made things too easy nor too hard, nor too spoiled nor too strict, but just balanced, reasonable parenting...  But, as with many of her peculiarities, I suspect it may be related somehow to her behavioral conditions, and we’ll just have to do what we can.  Autism-like traits, etc.  Oh well...

Still she seems to retain a wonderful innocence and an amazing connection to the divine, great creativity, immense love, and she is so very gentle.   So imaginative.  So dramatic.  Extremely energetic, lively, vivid.  Airy.  

Fiery.  So very alive and new all the time.  And a direct oracle to the divine, giving me guidance and answers like all the day, so insanely undeniable, unbelievable...  

Anyway, she helps me see the possible, the miracles, the ways that things are magical and joyful and happy and fun all the ridiculous weird beautiful mindful day, all day long, no matter what, and that is all I have to believe or focus on because you know?  

The only things that motivate us and energize and catalyze us are those that make us feel like children, so often...  The joy in our hearts, as well as the love and the innocence.  

Whatever happened to the joy we allowed ourselves to follow and feel before we doubted it was worthy or possible for us anymore?  I want to bring that joy to others now that my daughter is showing me how I can feel that joy...

She is like the answer to my problems and the problem to my answers, because she gives me so many answers and ways to do things that I forgot, if I ever knew them, that will heal me through and through, if I can gather them and treasure them...  

But I can and I will and it will take time, as much time as needed, and energy and vision and enthusiasm, extreme enthusiasm, savoring every morsel I can really feel savory to me,...  

Rejuvenating my ability, revitalizing what was/is sometimes still apathy or stagnation...  She will show me how, and guide me, lead me every step, it seems...  

But when it comes to anything requiring more concentration, she is the problem to my answers, completely distracting me too often...  Till I find how to surmount that obstacle and organize that distraction and order that chaos,...  Seize each moment I can think straight and motivate myself to focus, that elusive challenge for me, focus....  

Ah so,..  We’ll see and I’ll be patient with myself and all my falling apart, putting together till something actually lasts longer than the daily sand castle eroding in the tides of dailyness.  This blog is for that,...  Ugh,...  Kicking and screaming task of organizing,..  Sigh!

Trying to befriend that resistance that I have felt and make it feel pleasant, beautiful, fascinating,...  Organizing for ADHD-ish people,..  I guess....  Something like that...

#other blogs of mine