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strangerthanthingz-blog · 6 years

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Longing

Pairing(s): Steve Harrington x Female Reader, Nancy Wheeler x Jonathan Byers, Slight Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler, Slight Billy Hargrove x Female Reader

Warnings: Language, Slight Violence, Mentioned smut

Summary: Y/N and Steve were best friends before Steve’s involvement with the Upside Down caused them to drift apart. When things go back to normal, he takes notice of the fact that she’s now dating Billy Hargrove. This discovery not only causes Steve to lose his relationship with Nancy, but he realizes that he may have been in love with his former best friend this whole time.

This is very fluffy and angsty folks! Also it’s v long, sorry, but the second I got the idea I sort of just ran with it!

Chocolate milkshake, extra thick, light whipped cream, hold the cherry, fries on the side.

That was Y/N’s order at Hawkins local, and only, diner.

Her favorite color was black, she prefered Thanksgiving to Christmas, and she made amazing grades despite acting like she didn’t care about school.

Steve Harrington knew all these things and more about his longtime best friend. Some might say he was like a walking Y/N Encyclopedia. But that would be inappropriate because Steve was in a relationship. And, apparently, so was Y/N.

The first time Steve saw Y/N walking down the hallway and into the arms of Billy Hargrove he thought he was going to throw up. Not only was Billy his arch nemesis, but a total slimeball, and he sure as shit didn’t deserve his best friend.

“What’s wrong?” Nancy had asked before she followed where his eyes were trained.

“Are… are Y/N and Billy together?” Steve practically choked out.

Nancy had laughed, “Well, yeah. They’ve been going out for a few months now. Granted, we were a bit distracted with everything that had been happening with,” she lowered her voice, “the Upside Down. Monsters and all that.”

Steve could only nod in response before he slammed his locker unnecessarily hard, earning the attention of the couple several lockers down. Y/N raised her eyebrows in concern as she looked to Steve, but it was brief as Billy grabbed her chin to turn back to him and capture her lips in a kiss.

Steve shook his head in disgust before he slung his arm over Nancy’s shoulders and walked out to the car lot, ready to get in his car and drive the hell away from that school and the scene he just witnessed, even if it meant holding the steering wheel with shaking hands.

The worst part about it was that Nancy had been right. Steve had been so distracted that he hadn’t even noticed, or bothered to check in enough to know, that Y/N was dating the most disgusting person he could think of. And he felt like complete shit for it. Had he been such a terrible friend that he really let the fact that Y/N was falling into Hargrove’s greasy hands slip past him?

After that day, he became obsessed with the subject. No matter what the conversation was, he managed to somehow slip in his disgust at Y/N’s new relationship. And if he thought his friends were getting tired of it, that was an understatement for how Nancy felt.

“Why do you always talk about her?” Nancy asked one night just as she was about to get out of Steve’s car after a date.

“Huh?” Steve frowned, not entirely sure what Nancy was referring to.

“Y/N,” Nancy continued. “No matter what we’re talking about, you find a way to slip her in.”

Steve shook his head, “No Nance, it’s not like that. I just can’t stand her with Hargrove, you know?

“Yeah,” Nancy snapped. “I know. Tonight at dinner I was talking about where I want to go to when I graduate school next year and your response was ‘Gee, Nancy, that sounds great. Some people won’t even get into college, like Billy Hargrove. God, I don’t know what Y/N sees in him’.”

Steve bit his lip as he looked down into his lap, ashamed. He wished that he could argue that he never said that, but he most certainly had. In fact, he was pretty certain that he’d made quite a few more comments regarding his best friend’s boyfriend that night.

“Steve,” Nancy sighed, “I think… I think your real problem is that you’re jealous.”

Steve’s head snapped up, his heart dropping into his stomach.

“Jealous?” He managed to ask despite his throat suddenly going completely dry.

“Yeah,” Nancy said, swallowing thickly. “And honestly, I just, I can’t do this anymore. Whatever these feelings you have for Y/N are… you need to address them before we go any further.”

Steve felt like he was going to throw up. Nancy was leaving him because she thought he liked Y/N? As in more than friends?

“No, what? No. Nancy, listen, please, I definitely don’t have any kind of feelings for Y/N that go beyond platonic-”

“Yes you do,” She interrupted. “A-and I think that I have feelings of my own to sort out.”

Steve was physically taken aback, his head snapping back as if Nancy had actually punched him in the face.

“F-for who?” He stammered.

“Jonathan Byers,” Nancy admitted quietly.

Steve felt utterly destroyed to hear her speak his name. He’d always been worried about Jonathan, but Nancy had always assured him that there wasn’t anything to worry about. He felt so betrayed by her that he didn’t even want to speak with her any further.

He simply nodded once before he turned his attention back to the road and waited for her to get out. She sat still for a moment before she finally left the car. It was after she left that Steve let the tears fall down his face.

A couple months passed by after Nancy and Steve’s break up, and it was finally the day that Steve was dreading. It was the talk of the school since the moment Steve entered homeroom.

Nancy and Jonathan were officially together.

But the thing that alarmed Steve the most about it all was the fact that he didn’t even care. Not really. He even saw Nancy kiss Jonathan quickly at her locker before they parted ways, and he felt… nothing.

Yet, as his eyes followed Jonathan down the hall, he got distracted by Y/N standing outside of Billy’s locker, her books hugged to her chest as she talked to him, her eyes bright and smile wide. When Billy leaned down and kissed her, Steve felt his whole body run cold with realization.

The feeling of disgust was nothing knew, but he now recognized it for what it truly was: longing. Longing to be the one standing in front of Y/N, longing to be her boyfriend, longing to be the one kissing her for everyone to see.

Nancy had been right; he was jealous.

And now he’d wasted the last two months waiting for Nancy to come back to him when he should’ve been doing what Nancy had - gone after the person he truly loved.

That weekend, at Tina’s St. Patrick’s Day party, Steve got more hammered than he’d ever been in his life. Between watching Y/N dance on Billy in ways that caused his mind to cloud over in sin, and avoiding Nancy and Jonathan as they tried to befriend him and encourage him to go after Y/N, he wasn’t sure what drove him to this point of intoxication more.

Then, as Steve drank what had to be his twentieth beer, he watched Billy leave Y/N’s side for the first time that night to go do a keg stand with the other idiots of Hawkins High. Before he knew it, Steve’s legs were carrying him towards where she stood. When he reached her, he tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around to face him. When her eyes locked with his, her face practically lit up.

“Steve!” She exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”

Steve’s body was filled with warmth at her words, and he relaxed into her embrace. Over her shoulder, he saw Nancy and Jonathan grinning at him, but he just glared before pulling away from Y/N and looking down at her smiling face.

She was still the most beautiful woman in the entire world to him. How had he ever mistaken all these feelings for anything less than romantic love?

“I’m sorry,” The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. “I’m sorry I’m such a shit friend. I missed you, Y/N. I miss you right now, and I’m standing right in front of you.”

Y/N’s smile faltered a bit, but she managed to keep the tiniest hint of happiness on her face, even though her eyes grew unmistakably sad.

“I miss you too Steve. I feel like you disappeared off the face of the Earth last October.” She told him.

“I almost did,” Steve scoffed, and Y/N raised her eyebrows in questioning, but Steve was miraculously able to realize his fuck up before going any further.

“Well,” Y/N laughed when she realized he wasn’t going to say anything else. “Maybe we can catch up sometime, and you can tell me about it? I don’t have any plans after school on Wednesday. We could go to the diner like we used to!”

Steve’s eyes lit up, and his face hurt he was smiling so wide. His body felt light and airy, like he could just float away.

“I would love that more than anything, Bug.” He told her, the old childhood nickname slipping out.

Y/N’s face changed, and her expression became unreadable to him. Her smile lifted higher on the left side of her mouth in wonder, and she took a tiny step towards him.

“Steve, I can’t believe you still remember that-”

She was cut off as a large hand clapped her on the shoulder and pulled her back, and soon Steve’s vision was crowded with the distasteful image of one Mr. Billy Hargrove.

“Wow, Harrington, I’m surprised you’d even bother showing your face here after the last couple months you’ve had. I’m even more surprised, actually, that you have the fucking nerve to talk to my girl.” Billy snapped as he leaned his face dangerously close to Steve’s.

Steve rolled his eyes, “She was my best friend before she was ever your girl.”

Billy glared at Steve’s words, his nostrils flaring, “Well you’re some best friend huh? Haven’t even paid attention to Y/N since last September, but hey, who’s keeping track? I’ll tell you one thing, though, no matter how my girlfriend feels, I want you to stay,” he reached out and shoved Steve, hard, causing the drunken boy to trip over his feet and fall to the ground, “the fuck away from her.”

Y/N grabbed onto Billy’s arm with both hands, desperately trying to pull him away.

“Come on babe,” She pleaded, and Steve’s heart clenched at the pet name. “Let’s go home, I’m tired anyway.”

Billy just chuckled and shook his head at Steve before turning and following Y/N out of the party. Steve didn’t know how long he laid there on the ground, but his eyes were frozen to the spot where Billy had walked out with who he was now fairly certain was the love of his life.

Eventually, Nancy and Jonathan helped him up before offering to take him home, to which he was too drunk and upset to refuse. As Steve was climbing out of Jonathan’s car that night, Nancy stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

“You’ll get her back, Steve,” She said, her tone of voice telling him that she really believed it. “The way she looked at you tonight… you’ve got this.”

Steve simply nodded, hoping that her words were true before he stumbled into his house, up the stairs, and into his bed.

School that Monday was no different than any other Monday. Well, up until lunch that was. Not only did Jonathan and Nancy make their home at the table where Steve usually sat and ate alone, but halfway through the period Y/N came walking up to them.

“Steve, can we talk for a minute, please?” Y/N asked, to which Jonathan and Nancy shot Steve smug looks.

Steve glared at them before accepting Y/N’s request and following her out the cafeteria doors and into the deserted courtyard. They decided to sit on the stairs the led into the school’s auditorium and it was Y/N who spoke first.

“Honestly, I just wanted to apologize for Billy’s behavior on Saturday. He gets jealous easily. Especially when it comes to you…” She trailed off, and her words caused Steve’s head to snap up.

“Wait, when it comes to me?” He asked.

Y/N sighed and placed a stray hair behind her ear, something Steve knew she did when she was nervous.

“Yeah, I mean, Steve, I used to talk about you to him all the time. You’re my best friend and we have so many great memories together. That being said, even though Billy acted like a total ass at Tina’s, he had a point. You ditched me for Nancy, Steve.” She confessed.

Steve bit his lip and hung his head, running his hands through his hair, before he found the courage to look up.

“I promise that I didn’t mean to, Y/N. Last year, things happened that weren’t just Nancy related. I guess I got too caught up in all kinds of crazy shit and somewhere along the way… I lost you.” He tried to explain.

“You mean you forgot me,” She replied, her voice shaky.

Steve shook his head and reached for her hands, but she pulled them away, shaking her head and standing up.

“Steve, whatever the hell it was that happened to you, you know you could’ve told me about it. We used to tell each other everything, no matter what. But you got a new girlfriend and a new group of friends and I guess I just… didn’t fit in with your life anymore.” She said, a tear running down her cheek.

Steve hadn’t realized how badly his secrecy and distance had hurt her, but now that he was fully aware of his love for her, her crying because of him hurt even more than he could comprehend.

“No, Y/N, please,” He tried, but she wasn’t finished.

“And the worst part is that it was so sudden. You didn’t even give me any hints or warnings that you were pulling away; you just stopped talking to me one day. And there wasn’t a day after that that you even tried to come back to me and explain why you left in the first place.” She was shouting now, and he was glad that there was no one around to hear it.

“Y/N,” He tried again, standing up and successfully taking her hands in his this time, “I have so much that I want to say. That I need to say, but I can’t do it here. Wednesday, okay? At the diner? I promise.”

She took a deep breath and gently pulled her hands away from his so that she could wipe away her tears. Finally, when she let out a shaky breath, she managed to smile.

“Okay, Steve, I’ll be there. I promise.” She told him.

When Wednesday came around, Steve headed straight to the diner after school. Y/N wasn’t there yet, but he wasn’t surprised. She was often late for things, and he doubted she was as excited to be meeting him there as he was to be meeting her, and she was hardly rushing over as he had.

Steve walked to the back of the diner and took a seat at their usual booth. When the waitress came over he ordered Y/N’s favorite, along with a milkshake for himself. As he waited for the food, and for Y/N, he drummed his fingers along the table top.

Minutes passed, and Y/N still wasn’t there, and he was beginning to get anxious.

When the food arrived, and Y/N was still nowhere to be found, Steve found himself between heartbroken and furious.

She stood him up. He couldn’t believe it.

When the waitress came back around he asked if she could just pack his food to go, and she happily obliged as he put some bills on the table to pay, along with a tip.

As he gripped the food angrily in his hand, he stomped out to his car. And, just as he was attempting to unlock his car door with two milkshakes and a paper bag full of fries in his arms, he realized something.

He may have changed, but Y/N didn’t. And Y/N never broke a promise.

Something wasn’t right.

Finally getting into his car, he placed the milkshakes in the cup holders and tossed the bag of the fries to the floor before speeding off in the direction of Y/N’s. Her house already wasn’t far away from the diner, but at the speed he was going he was there in no time.

Forgetting about the food, he ran from his car and to her front door. He was happy to see her car in the driveway, but no one else’s, meaning she was home alone. He knocked quickly, but loudly.

After a minute or two, the door opened and he was shocked at what he saw.

Y/N stood in front of him, mascara smeared all under her eyes, and tears ran down her cheeks.

“Steve?” She questioned before she trailed off. Then, “Oh my fucking god, Steve, the diner! Oh I’m so sorry I completely forgot, it’s just that-”

But she didn’t finish her sentence as she broke out in sobs. Steve was frozen as first, but he quickly recovered and wrapped her up in his arms. She gripped his shirt tightly as she sobbed against his chest, and he stroked her hair softly in silence.

When she finally pulled herself together, she pulled away, wiping her eyes furiously.

“I’m sorry about that,” She whispered.

Steve shook his head, “Don’t be sorry, Bug. What happened?”

The corners of her mouth lifted lightly at the nickname.

“I’m not ready to talk about it just yet. Maybe… maybe we could go for a ride in your car? Listen to some music? You could tell me what you wanted to.” She suggested.

Steve was quick to accept and he walked her out to his car. Once inside, he handed her the milkshake and fries, and for the first time since he showed up at her door, her face lit up with a genuine smile.

“Steve,” She gasped. “I can’t believe you actually remembered my order!”

Steve chuckled, “I’ll always remember it.”

Then, she did something he’d never seen her do in his presence before: she blushed.

The flushing of her cheeks caused him to look away, flustered himself by the sight of it, and to break the awkward silence he launched into his story about Dustin Henderson, demodogs, and the Upside Down.

By the time Steve finished his story, the pair had parked in a field and were sitting on the hood of his car eating cold fries and watching the sunset.

“That’s the craziest thing I ever heard,” Y/N whispered.

Naturally, she’d believed the whole thing because she trusted Steve to tell the truth, had a pretty open mind, and she’d always found the Will Byers case to not add up all the way.

“Imagine living through it,” Steve chuckled.

Y/N simply shook her head in disbelief at the image of her ever going through such a thing before she sighed.

“I guess it’s my turn, now, yeah?” She asked.

Steve nodded, not wanting to speak, for he felt it might put too much pressure on her.

“Well, today after school I headed over to Billy’s to grab my jacket before I went to the diner because his house is on the way. When I got there, I decided to just let myself in like I always do. When I went inside I-I heard this noise,” She swallowed back another wave of tears. “It sounded like… moaning. I followed the sound to Billy’s room and without hesitating I threw open the door. There I found Henrietta Dugan, riding Billy like a mechanical bull, naked as the day she was born.”

She had to take a moment to wipe the tears that had managed to slip out, and Steve’s hands clenched into fists at the fact that Billy had done that to her. He wanted to yell in rage, not at Y/N of course, but he could tell her story wasn’t over.

“Naturally, I started screaming, throwing shit. Henrietta was freaked out; she grabbed her shit and got out of there. But Billy? Ha, Billy had the audacity to be mad at me. Telling me I had no business to just barge into his room uninvited and break his things. I told him he had no right to cheat on me. He told me I deserved it. He told me it was payback for talking to you at Tina’s.”

She had to take another pause, and Steve really wished she would just finish because it was getting harder to hold his anger in.

“He then started insulting my appearance and how I am in, uh, bed,” She added that part quickly. “He told me that he never loved me and that I needed to leave. So I did.”

Steve shook his head in disbelief.

“He - he,” He struggled to get the words out through his anger.

“He’s a fucking idiot. Billy Hargrove is the biggest fucking idiot in all of Hawkins. In all of Indiana. In the whole universe. Because, and I hope you can forgive me for saying this now, if I ever had the chance to have you as my girlfriend, I would cherish every moment. If a girl as kind, smart, and stunning as you ever even thought about giving me the time of day I would faint in happiness. You are as close to perfect as it gets, Y/N, and I would like to apologize on Billy’s behalf that men are pure garbage. And… and that includes me too because I never had the balls to say this to you until now.” Steve ranted, his chest panting as he finished and turned to look at Y/N’s shocked expression.

“Steve…” She whispered “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to tell you that I love you, Y/N. That I’m in love with you.” He cried out.

“And you found it appropriate to tell me all this now? We’ve been best friends for years Steve! How are you just realizing this? I mean, you dated Nancy! You were so in love with her! Not me! It was never me. There were always other girls. I just… I’m so confused!” She shouted at him.

Steve ran a hand through his hair. “I know, Y/N. I know that I’m so stupid for this, and that it isn’t fair. I just always thought the love that I felt for you was platonic. But none of those other girls ever made me feel the way you do. Not even Nancy. Fuck, it killed me to see you with Billy.”

Y/N shook her head angrily.

“No,” she snapped, “you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to use my vulnerability and my breakup as your opportunity to tell me this shit.”

She hopped off the hood of his car and opened the door, climbed into the passenger seat, and slammed the door shut behind her. Steve scrambled to get in next to her, but she refused to look at him once he did.

“Just take me home, Steve,” She demanded.

Steve sighed, his heart breaking, but he complied.

Once they were in her driveway, Steve turned to look at her, and was surprised to see that she was already looking at him.

“Look, Steve,” she said quietly, “it’s not that I’m rejecting you completely. I just… I need time. I’m not ready. But when I am ready, I’ll know where to find you. Okay?”

Steve nodded and swallowed back tears, “Do you promise?”

She smiled sadly, “I promise.”

And just like that, she stepped out of his car, and out of his life.

The rest of the school year went by in a blur for Steve. Y/N hadn’t spoken to him since March, and before he knew it, it was June and he was gradating; leaving. The night after graduation, he sat on a pool chair in his backyard as the other students of Hawkins High partied hard around him.

He agreed to hold the exclusively senior, and their plus ones, party as a last hurrah. In all honesty he was hoping that it would distract him from the fact that he and Y/N’s relationship, whatever it had become, was well and truly over.

But, as he sipped on the only beer he’d opened all evening, she was the only thing he could think about. In fact, he was even beginning to hallucinate that she was there, for when he looked up he swore he saw her staring at him from across the pool.

Wait… that really was Y/N.

Steve bolted out of his chair and rounded the pool to her, stopping a few feet away from her, suddenly afraid that she wasn’t there for him, but for someone else. However, her shy smile told him otherwise.

She closed the gap between them and moved her hair behind her ear, a breathy laugh escaping her lips.

“Can we talk somewhere more private?” She asked.

He nodded quickly and grabbed her hand, leading her through the masses of people to his bedroom. Once inside, he shut and lock the door before turning to her.

“Steve,” She began.

At the same time he said, “Y/N.”

The pair laughed but she just shook her head, insisting that she go first. Steve agreed and moved to sit on his bed.

“Steve,” She started again. “We know everything about each other. We’ve known each other since you were in kindergarten and I would wait at home for school to be over so that I could come over here to see you. Our mothers have always said that we were destined to be together, and I always told them that there was no way we’d end up together. A long time ago, I realized that they were right. I realized they were right when you punched Tommy H in second grade for calling me ugly. I realized they were right when you asked me to the Snow Ball all three years of middle school, and each year I spent more time getting ready to impress you than the last. I realized they were right when you had my diner order memorized after you got your license and would drive us there everyday. I realized they were right when you started dating Nancy Wheeler and I cried myself to sleep over it. I realized they were right when everytime Billy kissed me, I would close my eyes and imagine that it was you. I realized that they were right when, during these last few months without you, I felt like I wouldn’t live another day without speaking to you.”

She took a deep breath.

“What I’m trying to say is I love you too, and I’ve loved you since the day you gave me the nickname Bug because I was never afraid to play in the dirt like the other boys. I was five. I’ve known you were the one since then. I’m sorry I made you wait so long to hear me say this, but I think it was only because I wasn’t ready to tell you.”

Steve was frozen, too afraid to move in case this was a dream and it would wake him up. The truth was, he had no words for the way her speech had made him feel. No words for how happy he was in that very moment.

So, he decided that he didn’t need words.

Steve shot up from his spot on the bed and grasped Y/N’s cheeks, pulling her face towards his and covering her mouth with his own. She sighed happily against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair. The kiss was needy, but gentle, and it felt like time stopped when her lips danced in rhythm with his.

Back down at the pool, Jonathan Byers pointed out the scene in the window to his best friend and girlfriend, Nancy Wheeler. Nancy sighed, rolled her eyes, and shoved a twenty dollar bill into his palm.

Steve knows everything about Y/N. He knows that she wants to travel the world with him after she graduates college. He knows that she wants one cat and one dog. He knows that she wants four miniature versions of the two of them one day.

And most importantly, he knows that when he asked her to marry him after her own high school graduation, she said yes.

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