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rainbowvamp · 3 years

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Gone and Back Again

Hello and welcome to chapter 5 of the manic creation that is my princess bride au. I’m slowly seeing my creative energy wind down, so the chapters for week three and four might be slightly more brief than this weeks and next week’s chapters are. It looks like there will be five for next week as well, but not all of them will fit the Albion Party prompts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

~5100 words. (AO3 Link)

Arthur and Morgana are our main dynamic today. (platonic)

Warnings: suicidal ideation, depiction of depression, mentions of force feeding, memory loss, and non-consensual memory alterations. (All of this happens after the cut) Further: Lots and lots of talk of marriage. And I don't know how marriage works in the long ago times, so if it doesn't make much sense, please excuse me. Merlin is a little sus this chapter, but it gets explained in chapter 7. Oh, in this AU Arthur and Morgana are not related in any way. Just in case you were worried about that.

---

Becoming the King’s Ward is even more suffocating that being the daughter of a Lord. She is always expected to be dressed in finery, she is almost never alone, and far too many men look at her. Arthur does his best to keep them away, but it becomes clear in late Autumn that Uther doesn’t intend for her to be Arthur’s wife. He invites a neighboring king and his very lovely daughter to the Samhain festival.

Morgana is still seated in a place of honor, but her usual place beside Arthur is occupied by the Princess Vivian. The girl is so insufferable that it hurts to even think her name, and so Morgana does not spend much time speaking to her.

Morgana’s lack of socializing is excused time and again by someone or other who says that she’d just lost bother her parents, last week, less than a month ago, only a month ago, only a few months ago… She doesn’t have to pretend to be happy, at least, but she knows the excuse will not last.

Days pass and at Yule, a different princess is at the castle. This one stays for weeks because of the bad weather, and Morgana becomes a ghost in the palace.

Uther calls her to his chambers one night, a nobleman she doesn’t recognize is also there, likely for the sake over own reputation.

“Morgana, please sit.” Uther gestures to the place across from his desk, and she takes the seat gracefully, keeping her face cool and collected. “The Princess Elena has expressed concern for your wellbeing. She says you seem, despondent. I understand your parents death was very distressing, and no one expects your mourning to be finished, but I will ask this of you only once. You are to make sure the Princess Elena feels welcome here. She is very likely to become Arthur’s betrothed, and if you are to continue to stay here, you should become friendly with her. Do I make myself clear?”

He thinks I want his son. She nods and smiles sheepishly. An act she had learned pleased him early on. “I understand, Your Majesty. I will make every effort to show her kindness and make her feel welcome, just as you welcomed me.”

“Good girl.” He turned back to his papers and she stood, dismissed.

Arthur is waiting outside the door for her.

“What did he say to you?” He fell into step beside he and she smiled wanly.

“He intends to marry you to Elena, and I should not be so cold to her if I would like to stay here.”

“I would never let him turn you out. You know that.”

She and Arthur had built a tentative sort of alliance since she’d come to live in the palace. In keeping with that alliance, he took her hand in the guise of reassuring her, while slipping two gold coins into it. She placed them in the pocket of her dress. Beside the ring she had stopped wearing upon the king’s demand.

“I don’t think you’ll have much of a choice.”

“I’d go with you.” He promises, and she laughs.

“No you wouldn’t. Your loyalty is too bound to Camelot and it’s people.”

“You are a person of Camelot, aren’t you?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

They walk in silence until they reach Morgana’s chambers. At her door they stop and finish the conversation. “Princess Elena has no interest in marrying me. She wants to rule alone.”

Morgana smiled, “Good for her.”

“Yes. You should still be nicer to her.”

“I am nice!” She said with a scoff. When Arthur raised an eyebrow at her she conceded, rolling her eyes. “I’m not any less nice to her than I am to you.”

“Yes, but I know you’re nice inside. Elena just thinks you hate her.”

“I will smile at her at dinner tonight, will that make you happy?”

“Immensely.” Arthur bows and kisses her hand before he goes, and Morgana make a very unladylike face of disgust at him. He does this to exasperate her and amuse himself, and she plays into it every time.

—

The castle servants are not as kind as the ones from her home, or as loyal. Not to her, at least. Her stash of coins is discovered and taken, and the King is cold to her for many days. Each stash of coins she manages to acquire receives a fate much the same, until Arthur starts hiding the coins for her. His servant doesn’t take coins, but he does manage to “put away” every bit of traveling supplies Arthur manages to help her acquire.

Eventually, she gives up. Spring comes and goes, then another Winter. She mourns the loss of her freedom almost as much as she mourned Lancelot. Eventually the hopelessness gets the better of her, and she takes ill. Arthur visits her everyday, and at first she can muster the occasional conversation, but as time passes she finds she has the will to speak to him less and less, and eventually, she goes quiet. He is good, and kind. The last thing she intends to do is bless him and wish him well when she thinks that she will die.

She doesn’t die.

Uther calls physicians from every corner of the Kingdom to come and tend her, and promises the position of court physician to anyone who manages to cure her. She’s poked and prodded, and Arthur is by her side as often as he can be. She doesn’t trust these strange men and so she’s always grateful for his presence, even if she doesn’t say so. She wishes they would just leave her to die, but her body is too heavy to move, and her mind too clouded to protest.

Her dry lips barely part to take a little water. She can’t eat, and her sleep is fitful.

She goes through nearly a dozen physicians before one, Merlin Emerys, finally cures her.

“Take this.” Is all he says to her, not even bothering to do a physical exam.

She is laying on her side, curled in on herself, much the same position she’s been in all afternoon. She doesn’t reach fo the medicine when he offers it, and only his assistant, Gwen, can coax her into motion.

“He looks very young, doesn’t he?” Gwen asks as she smooths hair back from Morgana’s face. “He is, but he is very knowledgeable. Studied with all the best physicians in the five kingdoms. Here, let’s sit you up.” Gwen takes her under the shoulders and props her up. Arthur moves forward and adjust her pillows so she can lean against them, taking Morgana’s hand to help her shuffle back against them in the bed.

Her whole body hurts, aches with the motion. She feels hopeless, like nothing will ever be right again, and the only reason she doesn’t protest is because there is no point. She’ll just be force fed whatever concoction he has for her if she does. That was what happened with the first physician who had come to see her.

She can’t focus on anything that’s happening, she just takes what she’s given, letting Gwen give her medicine. She drinks and the bitterness she is expecting never comes. Whatever this tincture is, it’s sweet, and there is just enough of it for a few sips. She swallows it down and then Gwen lets her go, lets her rest against the pillows and returns to Merlin’s side.

Arthur and Merlin bend their heads together and whisper to each other. Arthur’s shoulders are tense, hunching inward, while Merlin speaks low and easy. Gwen stays beside him all the while, but says nothing. There is no ring on her finger, so she is not his wife. Morgana wonders idly if they are involved.

It’s the most interest she’s had in anything in months.

Arthur sees Merlin out of the room, and a servant comes in to bring Morgana something to eat. She finds that she is starving, and she eats everything given to her. It was a small amount of a wide array of food, the castle staff having been told to prepare anything and everything they thought might make her eat. She eats all of it, and Arthur watches her with wide eyes.

“What?” She asked when she finally stopped eating long enough to see her friend. The servant who had brought her dinner was out of earshot, straightening the room, but Arthur looked at her and held his tongue. Morgana watched his eyes, and then nodded, understanding. He sat beside her bed and took her hand in his.

When the maid moved further away to get Morgana’s bath water, Arthur leaned close to her and whispered, “The potion is already working. I’m afraid it is not just medicine he peddles.”

Morgana raised her eyebrows at the accusation, but Arthur shook his head, looking to the maid again. “I’m glad you’re eating well. I hated watching you be force fed.”

“You could have stopped it.” She reminded him, in fact, she had begged him to stop it, weak and breathy from too little time spent speaking in too many days.

“You would have died. I hated it, but I would not see you dead.”

“The kingdom will talk. The Crown Prince favoring an orphaned girl.”

“And orphaned Lady. It’s hardly out of character.”

“It is out of line with your father’s plans for you. Which princess does he like for you think season?”

Arthur laughed. “Princess Mithian.”

Morgana had never met princess Mithian. She found she wanted to, if only to compare her to all the other princesses that she had seen paraded in front of Arthur.

It was one of the first things she’d wanted to do in a long while.

“Get out.” She said, her voice stronger than it had been in weeks. “I need to dress.”

“It’s late afternoon.”

“And dinner is soon. I need to dress. Get out.”

Arthur laughed, and squeezed her hand as he stood, gesturing the maid over to help Morgana out of bed for the first time of her own accord in days.

—

The Lady Morgana goes down to eat dinner with the Prince and the King for the first time in a month that evening. Uther immediately calls for a servant to bring him Merlin, who he assigns the position of court physician. For the first time in weeks, Morgana smiles brightly, and whatever the man has done, Uther is glad for it.

Morgana eats heartily, almost unbecomingly heartily, but neither Uther nor Arthur begrudge her the meal. She is boney, and her dress is loose from the weight she’d lost in her sickness. She is to eat to her heart’s content.

The food Morgana eats tastes divine. For weeks everything in her mouth felt like ash and nothingness. Now the warm sting of wine and hot vegetables feels like home, like life, and she is eager to take it all in.

Uther asks her questions, and she is eager to speak, happily chatting about her intentions to take a morning ride, her desire to return to her studies, and even her desire to start looking for a husband.

This catches Arthur by surprise.

Morgana has not spoken of a husband of her own accord except to speak of her dead love, Lancelot. Something about this is strange.

When dinner is over, Arthur excuses himself and goes to find the Court Physician, Merlin.

“What did you do to her?” Arthur finds Merlin in the court physicians chambers with his assistant, Gwen. Merlin is wide eyed and watchful when Arthur enters his room.

“I gave her a medicine to heal her mind. She is better now, yes? Eating, active, back to her usual self?”

“Yes.” Arthur doesn’t dare make an accusation without more proof, but the wary way that Merlin’s assistant watches him makes Arthur think that he is on the right track. “I haven’t seen her this happy since before her parent’s deaths.”

“Grief can sometimes be so deep that it dulls everything else. What’s the point of food when you’re in so much pain you can’t fathom going on?”

Merlin sounds so wise, so knowledgeable, when he speaks, but Arthur is suspicious.

“If you say so. Well, whatever you’ve done. Thank you.”

“I live to serve.” The physician waits for Arthur to leave, but he doesn’t go without sizing Merlin up first.

He would be able to take him in a fight, if needs must.

—

Time goes by and Morgana is happier than Arthur has ever seen her and while he is glad for it, his suspicions never waver.

They are never left alone anymore, upon his father’s insistence. With Morgana’s willingness to speak of marriage, he thinks maybe he’s trying to discourage anything untoward between them. This makes it hard to ask Morgana the question he so desperately needs an answer to. He sees hints of it, but he doesn’t find hard proof of anything. She doesn’t stare off in the distance like she once did. She smiles like she has no worries. She never slips her hand into her pocket to touch Lancelot’s ring.

Merlin is a good court physician. He can heal almost any ailment, or at the very least help the patient be comfortable. Gwen is also very competent, though she is quiet. She doesn’t talk much to the other servants, as he’s heard from George. Or, as he’s made George tell him in his own quest to wheedle out whatever information he can about Merlin.

Merlin is a hard nut to crack. The man’s face never falls, always tranquil, always sure of himself. Even in the most dire circumstances, he is easy-eyed and softly smiling, like he expects everything will just go his way eventually.

Uther eats it right up.

Arthur doesn’t dare make his suspicions known until he has proof, and even then he thinks he’ll have a hard time having a man killed who’s done so much good, but a year on and he still doesn’t know what’s wrong with Morgana. Between his new and increasing duties as a knight and the crown prince, and Morgana’s now constant activity, he barely has time to speak to her, let alone discern what the problem might be.

He has nearly a whole sack of gold coins discreetly saved before he mentions to Morgana that if she wishes to leave, soon she might be able to.

When Morgana smiles serenely at him and says she has no wish to leave, Arthur knows that something is wrong. And he can’t do anything about it.

—-

Morgana’s parents have been dead for two years, a plenty adequate mourning time, when Uther starts suggesting matches. First a Lord’s son that Arthur knew to be a cad. Next a young Lord who was fine but very bland. After that, a prince from a neighboring Kingdom who had caught word of Morgana’s beauty and shown interest.

All of these men Morgana entertained, smiled at, was polite to, far more polite than she had ever been to Arthur before her mind sickness. She made them smile and completely enthralled them, only to turn down each proposal made, all smiles and apologies.

That, at least, gave Arthur some comfort.

But after a year of failed courtings, three years in the palace, people were starting to talk. Morgana is 21 and people start to call her unlovable. They don’t say such things about Arthur, and he is nearly 23. It seems unfair to him, that people are so cruel.

“If this keeps up, you might have to marry her, Arthur,” Uther said in passing once, rubbing his temple while he read an angry letter sent by yet another lord turned down by the Lady Morgana. “Gorlois used to speak of her unwillingness, but I never expected she’d be so brazen about it here.”

Arthur doesn’t think before he speaks, going over the grain reports from the latest council meeting in more detail. “Is that an option?”

The soft sound of Uther setting down the letter he’d been reading draws Arthur’s attention up from his own.

“Is that something you would consider?” Uther had made no secret of his distaste for Arthur’s own reluctance to marry. Uther, of course, hadn’t been married until he was almost 26, but he often forgot that.

“Maybe. If she was amenable.” Arthur shrugs. It would save them both a lot of trouble, at least. They were good friends, Arthur would never press for a physical relationship, and their marriage would be in name only. For Morgana’s sake, it would probably be the least painful option. Arthur wouldn’t mind not having his father trying to force him to fall in love with new women every season either.

Of course, there was still the question of status.

Uther doesn’t respond, but Arthur can feel the king’s eyes on him long after he’s gone back to reading over the grain report.

—

A month later, while they are having dinner, Uther asks Morgana if she has any interest in courting Arthur. Considering this is right in front of Arthur, he’s quiet embarrassed, but Morgana only smiles, laughs, and says, “Arthur is one of my dearest friends.”

“Dear friends make the best husbands.” He raises his brow at her, watching her every reaction. She looks over the table at Arthur, who smiles, shrugs. They don’t get much time to talk now, but maybe if they were courting, he would finally have time to get to the bottom of Morgana’s drastic change in demeanor.

“Well, I suppose there’s no harm in courting. It can always be broken if we don’t agree with each other?” She looks at Arthur when she asks this question, and Arthur nods, solemn.

Uther grins and claps his hands together. “Excellent.” He just seems happy to have two problems off his hands all at once.

And Morgana’s unwillingness to marry had been a problem. Rumors started to fly that she’d been holding out for the prince since their first meeting, wrapping him around her finger for three long years until he had no choice but to beg Uther to court her. Morgana never mentions these rumors, and so neither does Arthur.

Morgana’s early morning ride is now accompanied occasionally by Arthur, and George. They sometimes take their breakfast alone, save for a chaperone, usually the Lord Agravaine, who had also been seeing over Morgana’s lands.

It’s on one of their shared rides that Arthur manages to tell her that he won’t expect anything “wifely” out of her if they do end up married. Morgana just smiles and nods, shrugs like this doesn’t particularly bother her.

This is too far. And so he tests her.

“Where do you keep his ring, now?”

She blinks and looks at him. “What?”

“His Ring. Lancelot’s ring. Where do you keep it?”

She looks at him blankly, blinks a few times, and then shrugs. “I forget.”

I forget. A woman so distraught at the loss of her love that she’d been willing to leave behind everything she knew with no money and only the dress on her back, but she’d forgotten the last thing that she’d received from him? This was why she felt better after the potion was drunk, he was sure of it now. She’d been made to forget the things that caused her pain.

But still she’d refused to marry. The love ran deep for her. Arthur wouldn’t pretend to understand it, but he respected it none the less.

“It was that damn physician who did this to you.” Arthur muttered, but Morgana was unaffected, distracted by the buzzing of a few nearby bees, smiling.

He wonders if this was what Morgana was like with him, this Lancelot fellow she’s so lost without. He hopes she was. That he brought her joy with whatever time they had together.

Arthur has a physician to see, so he ends their ride early, despite Morgana’s protests.

George is glad to be heading back, at least.

—

As soon as they return, Arthur storms the court physicians quarters and confronts Merlin about what he’s done to Morgana. Merlin holds firm that he’s done nothing magical, and has only given a sick girl medicine to make her better.

“How is it better to forget your love?”

“She was dying for him, Arthur. Doesn’t your friend deserve a chance to live her life, free of pain?”

“Life is full of pain. You can’t simply get rid of it. What sort of heartless bastard are you?”

Merlin’s eyes flash with anger and maybe something else, but before Arthur can get a good look at it, Gwen, his assistant, takes Merlin by the elbow and reminds him they have a pressing appointment with an expectant mother in the lower town.

Arthur lets them go, but he doesn’t forget that interaction.

—

For a year he courts Morgana, and finally, at Yule, he makes a public proposal. She accepts, as she had agreed she would weeks before, and the Yule celebration becomes a celebration of their engagement. Their wedding is set for Samhain of the next year. The wedding of the crown Prince and the King’s only son is going to be a giant affair, the whole of Camelot will rejoice in it.

At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling him. Morgana seems content enough to marry him, though he can’t help feeling distraught where this marriage is concerned. Morgana isn’t in her right mind without her memories of Lancelot completely intact, or blocked off, or dimmed, or whatever it is that damn sorcerer has done to her.

So, finally, Arthur goes to Merlin and demands he lift the spell on Morgana.

“My Lord, I haven’t cast a spell on her. I gave her medicine. Medicine that saved her life, might I remind you. Even if I could simply reverse it’s effects, which I can’t, she would only be right back where she was when I gave it to her, wasting away with mind sickness.” Merlin’s face, when he says this, shows no remorse, not a hint of anything resembling pity. He just looks… blank.

Arthur hadn’t wanted to hear this. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to collect himself. “What exactly did your medicine do?”

“It blocked some of her ability to feel emotional pain. She still has all her memories, if that’s what you’re worried about. She simply doesn’t hurt when she thinks of them.”

“You say that like it’s not a terrible thing.”

“I’m a physician. My whole life is dedicated to easing people’s sufferings.”

Arthur is very glad Gwen isn’t here. He’d feel terrible starting a fight in front of a woman.

Arthur clocks Merlin in the mouth for the blasé way that he talks about taking Morgana’s feelings from her. “I want you out of this castle. We’ll find a new court physician. Whatever your remedies are, I don’t want them for my people.”

Merlin glared but didn’t say anything back. Arthur stormed out of the room and only once he was down the hall did the commotion start in the physicians quarters.

Arthur felt satisfied, then, that at least he’d gotten a rise out of the man.

—

Uther gives him grief about firing the court physician, but when Arthur stands his ground and says he doesn’t like the way the man behaves, Uther simply nods and agrees to send the man, and his assistant packing.

He hadn’t held out much hope for the possibility that Morgana would return to her old self when the man was gone, but when three days passed and Morgana still seemed unbothered, mood entirely unchanged, Arthur’s last little bit of hope died.

He promised himself that he would do right by her, then, and committed himself to honoring the memory of her love. He’d make sure to remind her regularly, even use the ring Lancelot had given her as her wedding ring, if she wasn’t opposed to the idea.

—

Their engagement goes well, and Morgana throws herself into the wedding preparations. She seems to be enjoying herself, and Arthur is glad of that, at least. They eventually find a new court physician, a wisened old man named Gaius. Arthur takes his suspicions about Morgana to the man, but he claims he can do nothing for it. Even so, something about the look on his face makes Arthur suspicious.

He sits down to breakfast with Morgana in his chambers, and while his manservant is attending to business on the other side of the room, he takes her hand in his to get her attention.

Morgana looks away from her breakfast and smiles easily at him. He would be a liar if he said he wasn’t glad Morgana smiled more now than she had years ago, but something about it always felt wrong. Knowing she was being forced to suppress the memories of her dead love made that feeling of wrongness infinitely greater.

“I’ve said this before,” He started, and she raised an eyebrow, curious, but without any bite. He used to quite like that she was always subtly making fun of him. “But I feel the need to say it again, with the wedding just a few weeks away. Morgana, I will not expect anything of you in this marriage. I do care for you, but I don’t love you anymore than you love me. You will be an excellent queen, and I’m grateful to have you by my side, but this is a marriage of friends, and equals.” Despite our differences in stations goes unsaid, but not unheard.

Morgana’s smile becomes softer. “I know you don’t. I wouldn’t be marrying you if you did. I-“ She stopped, trailed off, really, blinking like she was blinking away some thought she couldn’t be bothered to remember. “The preparations are going splendidly, anyway. It will be a beautiful ceremony. Unfortunately large, but it can’t be helped. We can’t refuse anyone an invitation.”

The way her mind changes track from the aftermath of the marriage to the wedding itself worries him, and he thinks that he should’ve pushed harder for a cure of some kind. But he dared not do anything that might alert Uther that he suspected an enchantment was placed on Morgana. Uther’s intolerance for magic had extended to those under its influence before, and he wouldn’t risk Morgana’s life like that.

“No, I suppose not. Any friends you’re looking forward to seeing?”

Morgana laughed, “Other noble ladies have never liked me much, I ruffle their feathers.” She pulled her hand away from his and went back to her breakfast, but Arthur was not quite done.

“I want you to use Lancelot’s ring, as a tribute to him.” He watches her carefully when her body stills, eyes distant as she looked down at the fruit she’d just speared with her fork. Again, she blinks away a thought and smiles.

“I don’t know where it is.” She smiles, but it’s tight. “I haven’t even thought of it in years.”

“Would you like me to help you look for it? It might be nice to have.” Even if she says no, he thinks he’ll try to convince her to find it. Maybe whatever connection it gives her will help bring her back from whatever spell Merlin put on her.

“Maybe,” She says it like she can’t be bothered either way. He swallows and nods.

“Let’s look for it. You used to love it so much. I’d like you to wear it again, once we’re married.”

“The wedding is in just a few weeks, and I haven’t seen that ring in years. Do you really think we’ll find it in time?” One of her eyebrows raises, a question, and maybe a challenge.

“How hard can it be? It’s probably in with the rest of your jewelry.”

Morgana laughed wholeheartedly now, still delicate enough for a lady, but very obviously laughing at him.

“What?” He asked, and she just shook her head.

“I don’t think you realize how much jewelry you’ve given me over that last two years. Your courting gifts are very unoriginal.”

—

Sure enough, her vanity and another separate chest are both full of Jewelry. She goes through her vanity while Arthur checks the chest, but neither of them find it. Morgana gives him a knowing sort of “didn’t I tell you” look, but Arthur is determined. Morgana is his friend and that ring is important to her, whether she remembers it or not. He will not see it lost forever to time and a terrible curse.

“Alright, fine. So it’s not with your jewelry. Check the pockets of your dresses, then. I’ll look under the bed.”

Morgana laughed at him again. “You really think I’d find it in a pocket after all these years? Surely a laundrywoman would have taken it out and put it with my things.”

He leveled her with a gaze that brokered no arguments. “Humor me.”

She rolled her eyes at him, and at least this teasing felt a bit like the Morgana he’d known for a short while before she’d been influenced.

Arthur got to his hands and knees, then down to his stomach, to look beneath every piece of furniture in the room. The bed, the night stands, the wardrobe. He even looked behind her changing screen and under the empty tub, but there was no ring in sight.

The rustling of fabric at the wardrobe stops and Arthur looks around the privacy screen to see Morgana, standing frozen at the door, head bent, eyes locked on something Arthur can’t see.

He gets up and approaches her quietly, trying not to startle her.

“Morgana?” He asks when he’s still a few feet away, trying to see around the wardrobe doors to what she’s holding, but his vantage point is no good. He moves to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder.

In her pale, shaking hand, lies a dull, tarnished ring. The band is far too wide to be fitting of a noble lady, let alone a queen, and the stone doesn’t glitter so much as gently diffuse light. He’s seen it only a few times before, after his father banned her from wearing it, but he thinks this must be it.

“I found it.” When she whispers it, her voice is choking. He gently turns her toward him and there are tears in her eyes. When she looks up at him, he sees every ounce of pain he remembers from their first meeting, and maybe more, laced with years of regret. “I can’t marry you.”

Arthur nods, feeling tears prick his own eyes as he pulls her into a hug. “We’ll figure something out.” He promises, and she sobs into his shoulder, soaking his shirt through. He pats her on the back and swears that he won’t force her to be married to him. Not on his life.

He explains his suspicions of Merlin to her, and when she goes to bed that night, she’s distraught. The next morning she goes for her daily ride without him, presumably to think, and she never returns.

#albionparty21 #morgana #arthur #fic #bbc merlin #pbau au proper

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heart-eye-harrington · 4 years

Text

gwen stacy

Summary: Steve always hated how Spider-Man couldn’t save Gwen Stacy, but what will he do differently when put in the same situation?

Word count: 6.3k

Warnings: Mild swearing, brief mentions of blood/injury, my not 100% accurate retelling of Spider-Man lure

A/N: Hi! I’ve loved this concept for so long that I really wanted to write it! It’s a bit lengthy but didn’t feel right to break it up. Let me know what you think! okay hope you have a good day, i love youuuuuuuu

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Peter Parker - the nerdy wallflower with a heart of gold. Greatness was thrust upon poor Peter when he was bitten by that radioactive spider. But what did he do with this greatness? Did he use it for his own benefit? No. He used his powers to help others, to protect the neighborhood, to look out for the little guy. He fought the evil in the world as one of the greatest heroes of all, but came home and was back to reality as plain Peter Parker again. There was still a boy under the mask; and a girl who loved him, with and without it on. He’d save the city, save civilians, and he’d save the girl; consistently proving that good would overcome evil and be rewarded. But that wasn’t always the case in life, even for Spider-Man. The fight started like many others, the bad guy had taken Spider-Man’s girlfriend and put her in the middle of the fight to slow Spider-Man’s attacks and distract him. Both powers found themselves falling into the routine brawl, until Green Goblin pushed Gwen Stacy from the top of the Brooklyn Bridge. Spider-Man shot a web in a desperate attempt to save her from the fall. Despite his efforts, she died, snapping her neck from the sudden shock. A deafening snap heard, dashing all hopes of her survival. Good had lost. Peter lost his first true love. Gwen was gone despite it all.

The story of Gwen Stacy always infuriated Steve. When he was young and read the comic he was baffled. How could Spider-Man let that happen? He could save everyone and still lose one of the most important people in his life. It just wasn’t fair. Steve swore he would never let that happen to him, he would fight harder than anyone, even Spider-Man, for those he loved.

As he got older, the childhood vow drifted to the back of his head. King Steve took its place. Basketball, girls, and kegs took its place. He was your average teen, prioritizing what you think will help you fit in and make you likable.

His vow resurfaced when he found Nancy at the Byer’s house that November night. Carol and Tommy struck a match when they struck a nerve.

Tommy tossed him a coke, letting him knew he owed him a buck fifty. Steve scoffed, because of course Tommy couldn’t just get him something without having to pay him back. Steve places the can to his injured eye, savoring the cool on his skin. The thumping in his head disappears for just a moment before being replaced with another, Carol and Tommy’s cruel jokes. Normally Steve would nod and laugh along, but this time something felt different. He really listened this time, to their claims that Jonathan killed his brother, that Nancy was a slut, and it just rubbed him the wrong way. It was as if they held a match, and he was the striker paper. They had rubbed so many times but this was the moment the match caught aflame.

“Carol, for one in your life can you shut your damn mouth?” Steve was shocked at the ease of his outburst, but not ashamed of it. It felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders. It felt good to get them to stop for once.

“Hey, what’s your problem man?” Tommy demanded, he and Carol both taken aback at his sudden opposition. But the fire was burning and Steve had no intention of extinguishing it.

“You’re both assholes, that’s my problem.” He saw he had befriended the heartless villains he swore to defeat, and worse, allowed himself to fall under their influences. He had to get as far away from them as possible and get back to the good in his life. He realized he needed to fight for good again, and that meant fixing his screw up with Nancy. She might be his Gwen Stacy, and he couldn’t sit back and watch as she slipped through his fingers. He messed up, and had to make things right. So he hopped in his car and sped off to his first crime of the day. After a few hours of scrubbing the paint on the marquee and volunteering to help with other odd jobs at the theatre, he sank into the driver’s seat and sighed. He knew what his next step needed to be, but just because you have a plan doesn’t make it easy. He turned the key, flicked on his headlights and headed to the Byer’s house. Tommy’s words echoing in his head, fueling the fire.

“That’s right! Run away Stevie boy! Run away! Just like you always do! That’s right Harrington!

Run away!”

While Carol and Tommy may have struck the match, seeing the flickering lights inside the Byer’s house poured gasoline on the small fire in him. It burned through and melted the hard outer shell he had developed, and exposed the hero his younger self always thought he was inside. The brave boy who fought to protect those he loved. He ran into the house and helped Nancy and Jonathan. After that night, he became his very own Spider-Man.

Time passed, but that night stayed with him. He kept his younger self in his mind more prominently. He did his best to be the best boyfriend he could be to Nancy, because that’s what she deserved. He did what he could for her, helping her with Barb and reminding her that none of what happened was her fault. Despite his best efforts, she slipped out of his grasp. Maybe it was all bullshit, but damn if he wouldn’t fight for her. He did fight, but not how he imagined. He had to grab his bat again and battle extra-dimensional creatures to protect kids he barely knew. He had a responsibility to protect them, something he quickly accepted and even embraced. He was their hero, fighting the monsters and evil. But, a reward didn’t come in the end. Nancy wasn’t his. He realized she never truly was. It took a while, but he accepted it, came to terms that his first love may have never loved him back, but that’s ok. She’s happy now and that’s all he could wish for her. With the gate to the Upside Down closed, his hero mask was hung up and bat hidden behind old clothes in his closet. Life went on. He graduated high school and got a summer job. Scoops Ahoy wasn’t a part of his ideal hero’s journey, but it paid the bills.

🕸

The last few cords of Queen’s Radio Gaga flow through the summer air before Steve turns the key, turning off his car. His chest rises and dramatically falls for no one but himself to see. He mustered up his energy before stepping out of his car. He blinked in the summer sunshine, taking a moment to enjoy how it warms his skin before being trapped in a prison of florescent lights for the next few hours. He drags his feet the entirety of the parking lot before reaching the doors. He adjusts the bag on his back containing his stupid sailor outfit as he makes his way to Scoops. He enters the ice cream parlor and heads to the back room. Just as he’s about to reach the door, it slams open in his face. Pain rushes to his nose and he’s doubled over, clutching it as a few choice words fall from his lips. The open door reveals you, grasping your own face in shock. You kneel down beside Steve, one hand delicately on his shoulder, not sure exactly what to do but wanting to comfort and help him.

“Oh my God I am so sorry!” your voice coming across breathless in your startled state. Steve lifts his head just enough to let his eyes catch yours. There’s a moment of silence where you’re searching each other’s faces. Something washes over you, but you weren’t sure what it was yet. He sees your worry and distress and can’t help but feel sorry for you.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ve been knocked in the head so many times, this is nothing.” he chuckles, but his words didn’t put your guilt at ease.

“Please, let me help you. I know first aid.” Steve can’t find himself to say no, letting you guide him into the backroom to fuss over him. You lead him to the small table, guiding him to sit. As soon as you’re satisfied that he’s comfortable, you turn your back and scramble to get the supplies for his bleeding and probably bruised nose. He didn’t need to be coddled his much, but part of him enjoyed it. A small smile sneaks onto his face as you run a cloth under cold water, the first-aid kit tucked under your arm. You pull up a seat next to him, a serious and concerned look in your eyes. You lightly remove his hand from his nose and place a hand under his chin, turning his head better assessing the damage.

“Do you feel any blood going down your throat?”

“No”

“Good. Then it’s only an anterior bleed. Posterior bleeds are typical for people who have had head injuries in the past and are a bit more serious. I was worried after you said you’ve gotten hit a few times in the past. I’m just gonna put the cold cloth over your nose, can you pinch it? You should be fine after about 10 minutes” You eyes examine his face to see if he understands, and can’t help but blush at sudden realization at how close you are.

“You weren’t kidding when you said you’re trained in first aid” his laugh is a bit nasally considering his plugged nose, causing your laugh to shake your chest a bit harder.

“What can I say? I thought it would be good with all the babysitting I did. But the kid I watched doesn’t need a sitter anymore, so here I can scooping ice cream.”

“Well, I guess this is one way to be introduced to your co-worker”

“What can I say? I make a strong first impression.” You chuckle, but it’s short-lived as guilt pools in your gut. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Look, it’s fine, you fixed me up. So, what’s my nurse’s name so I may properly thank them?” He extends his free hand, an olive branch. A playful smirk plays your lips, giving him your name and a proper handshake.

From that moment on, there was an unspoken bond between the two of you, and you looked out for one another. Steve felt a sense of protectiveness over you, to make sure you were ok. It was always little things like making sure you took your breaks, shooting mean looks at creepy customers, or slipping you a banana when he knew you hadn’t eaten in a while. You’d do the same for him, telling Robin to give him a break after an exceptionally terrible attempt at getting a date or packing doubles of your lunch for him after seeing him eat smushed PB & J’s for the millionth time in a row.

“Aww, did your mommy pack you apple slices? How cute.” Robin’s joking condescending tone brought a grin to both her and Steve’s faces.

“No, they did.” He gestures to the counter where you stood scooping ice cream while your coworkers took a quick break. It was slow, so you volunteered to ‘man the ship’ so Steve and Robin could sit in the back room. They both peered at you through the crack Steve left in the sliding window. You were patiently listening to a little girl stumble through her order, sending her reassuring nods and smiles. You radiate positive energy like the sun, washing everything you touched in a warm light. Even from the brief interaction little girl felt it, Robin felt it, but Steve felt it most of all. The simplest actions would cause warmth to spread through his chest, occasionally rising to his checks if he thought about it too much.

“Earth to Romeo, you’re staring” Robin’s words pull Steve from his trace, the familiar warmth amplified by her words. He ducks his head in a vain attempt to hide it, but he knows nothing gets past Robin. She glances back to you, oblivious to the situation happening behind you. She shakes her head and chuckles, deciding it would be more fun to watch the former king of Hawkins fumble over a girl than call him out. So she simply stands, giving him a small pat on the shoulder on her way out the swinging door open to join you at the counter. She gives you a hip bump, drawing a laugh, and sending Steve back into his trance.

“So, how’s the ship sailor?”

“She’s in tip-top shape captain,” you tell Robin, saluting her and sending the two of you into giggles. You take a second to relish the moment. You would have never thought a summer job would give you two of your best friends. You’ve never laughed as hard as you did when at the ice cream parlor. You’re drawn from your thought when the bell on the counter rings. You turn to see three young teens staring intently at you.

“Is Steve here?” the boy with black hair and pale skin asks.

“He’s in the back on break. You guys ok?” you ask, seeing the discomfort on the youngest’s face

“Will scrapped his knee on the bike ride over and we just need a band-aid” the third boy, who you later learned was named Lucas responded, pointing to the youngest boy, whose name you learned was Will.

“I can help you out! Come on.” You gesture for the three to follow you into the break room. You get Will to sit, and you squat before him and examine the injury. It doesn’t look bad at all, but there’s probably some dirt in the scrape. Your eyebrows knit together as you think of what to do, making sure to wipe them away before meeting Will’s eyes.

“I’m gonna get some hydrogen peroxide, just be sure it’s clean. We’ll get a band-aid on it and you’ll be good as gold.” Will’s expression relaxes from your comforting words. You rub his arm before going to grab the first aid kit. You hear Steve making small talk with the boys, asking them about what they’ve been up to and when Dustin will be back from camp. You feel your heart flutter at the tone the boys use, all so comfortable with each other. Hearing how good Steve is with them almost makes you sigh with joy. You turn back to Will, supplies in hand. You make sure you’re quick with your work, knowing the hydrogen peroxide doesn’t exactly tickle. Smoothing out the band-aid on his knee, you give a content exhale at your handiwork.

“There, all better. But you know what makes everything better? Ice cream! You guys want some?” the three teens cheer, which you take as a yes. You share a look with Steve, neither able to deny the joy they boys spread. You bring them to the front, give them their orders, with a little extra for Will, and send them on their way. You smile to yourself seeing the three joke around, and can’t help but wonder what adventures they’d get into. Little did you know you were about to be sucked into an adventure of your own.

“TOUCH MY BUTT I DON’T CARE!!!”

“Uh, Robin? What’s doing on?” You timidly ask, taking slow steps into the backroom.

“I’m gone for two days and suddenly this is happening?” you gesture to Steve pushing a kid’s butt into the air vent.

“Yeah, it’s a long story” Robin chuckles and her eyes remain glued on the scene playing out in front of her.

After Steve and the boy, who introduces himself as Dustin, get down from the vent, the trio fills you in on what happened.

“You guys are crazy. Really? Russians in Hawkins? Why?” You cross your arms in disbelief. Do they really think you’re that gullible? Well, apparently you are.

“We don’t know, but we have to find out,” Dustin explains. You lean back, curiosity getting the best of you. Here goes nothing.

“Ok, I’m in. What’s the plan?” you lock eyes with Steve, sending him a small nod. That’s the moment the seed of doubt was planted in his mind. Deja vu flooded through his veins, making this body tingle. He had no idea how big this thing was. What is there really were evil Russians? What if people got hurt? What could he do to keep people safe? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he was willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you all made it out okay.

He kept his vow the best he could. When trapped in the elevator, he stayed up all night trying to find a way out. He lead the group around the base, making sure he was in front, the first line of defense. Seeing the guard in the communications room sent him into overdrive, charging and taking him out. He cleared as many obstacles as he could to leave a clear path for you all to follow. He did all he could until he was cornered.

The Russians banged on the door after chasing the group into a room. He screamed for the kids to run, to just go. In his efforts to save the kids he forgot about you and Robin beside him holding the door. It all happened so fast. The floorboard closed atop Dustin and the door behind him flew opened, pushing him, Robin, and you to the floor. That’s when time stood still. His breath hitched in this throat as his hands came up in surrender. The guards took you first, kicking and screaming in a last-ditch attempt to break free. When you turn to see your coworkers, tears streaming down your face, your gaze holds Steve’s in a vice grip. His heart shatters at the fear in your eyes and worse, the pleading. Before he can react, the metal door closes with a deafening thud.

He’s taken next, and the interrogation is hell. Yeah, the punches hurt, but they replaced the ache in his chest with another. He took it all he could until he couldn’t, succumbing to the pain. When he finally came back to, he hears Robin’s yelling and feels the vibrations from behind him. He only has the energy to stare at his lap, before he sees a yellow sneaker out of the corner of his eye. A familiar warmth fills his chest, the same one he felt anytime he saw them. They carried you throughout the store, often skipping or dancing to the beat of whatever song you had stuck in your head that day. He musters up whatever strength he has to follow the line of your body. There you are, eyes closed and body sprawled on the floor. Fear flashes through him until he sees your chest slowly rise and fall. You look unharmed, further comforting him. He didn’t fail. You were all still safe. The relief wasn’t long-lived, as a familiar fire made a home in Steve’s chest. He was going to fight tooth and nail to make sure you all made it out, he couldn’t lose anyone.

Erica and Dustin were able to rescue the three of you and get you out of the base. They sat you three in a movie while they got help. Steve and Robin went to get water while you stayed in the movie, too freaked out to leave. You rejoined the group when the movie was over, eager to leave Star Court. Your dreams were dashed when you saw the Russians checking the moviegoers. Steve’s first reaction is to grab your hand, dragging you out of your daze and away from the evil. You stumble over your own feet as you run, still not fully aware of what’s going on. It wasn’t until you saw their guns that the panic made its way to your legs, carrying you faster and closer to Steve. The five of you hide under the counter of Great Cookie, ragged breathing echoing in your ears. You wrap your arms around Steve’s bicep, clinging to him and burying your face in his shoulder, desperate for any comfort he can provide. You focus on his breathing, familiar scent of hairspray, vanilla and cologne, and the comforting heat of his skin. His free hand comes up to clutch your head, doing whatever he can to keep you close to him. The steps get closer and you squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for the worst. But it never comes. A loud honking and the crunching of metal filled the air instead of bullets. You lift your head to share a puzzled and relieved look with Steve. You take a moment to enjoy the closeness before turning to look above him, only to find find a group on the balcony. You recognize some of the faces, but not all.

While the drugs had worn off, you still felt like your head was whirling when you learned a girl flipped a car with her mind. The group obviously knew more than you did and you did your best to quickly absorb as much information as you could. In your whirlwind, you notice El stumble away from the group. You begin to follow her as she covers her ears.

“Hey, are you ok?” the second the question leaves your lips, she hits the floor. The group all turn their attention to her and you run to comfort her. You reach her first, kneeling beside her and fanning her face.

“My leg, my leg” she whimpers, pain evident in every muscle of her body. Someone unwraps the makeshift binding on her leg to reveal what looks to be an infected cut. Your suspicions are beyond confirmed when something begins moving under her skin. Training kicking in, you know what has to be done.

“Hey, someone grab a knife from the Chinese restaurant and heat it up to disinfect it. Grab something for her to bite. Get gloves too! Quick, please!” You do your best to remain calm for the girl, but need to relay the urgency everyone knows is needed. After seeing Jonathan run in the direction, you turn back to El.

“Hey, everything’s gonna be fine. You’re doing good. Just keep talking to us ok? Deep breaths.” She nods, sobbing as she waits for Jonathan to come back. You feel a hand on your back, turning to see Steve right behind you giving you a reassuring nod. He squats next to you, now putting his hands on your shoulders. It was like a chain of support, him for you, you for El. Jonathan comes back and does his best to get whatever it is out of her, but she insists on doing it herself. Everyone winces as they watch, you included, and you burry you head into Steve’s chest as he holds you close. You hear glass shatter and flinch closer into him. Everything’s silent for a moment, and you lift your head to see the chief of police, Mrs. Byer’s, and someone else. You look to Steve with bewilderment, and all he can do is shrug. He helps you up and the now larger group convenes. You’re mentally exhausted, once again finding yourself hanging off of Steve as you take everything in. You put together the pieces from the three groups and it makes just enough sense for you to follow along.

Once a plan was made, you see Robin eating out of the corner of your eye. You nudge Steve, a silent invitation to follow you. Robin throws you both something to have. You didn’t realize how hungry you were till you tucked in. It was the first moment of normalcy you’ve had in a while, and you savored every last second of it. It was just like the three of you in the breakroom, laughing, joking, being normal teens. Dustin runs over, excitedly holding car keys.

“Guess who got us a ride?” He beams. Steve gives him a puzzled look.

“Where are we going?”

“We have to go to the radio tower I set up. They need us to navigate them around the base to close the gate.”

“Okay, but what about El?” you question. She still looked to be in pretty bad shape, and you knew you were her best bet if her leg started causing her trouble again. A wound like that could easily reopen.

“They’re going back to Murry’s, and Hopper wants you to stay with El. Will told him about how you helped him that day in the mall, and he wants you to look after her. ” Dustin informs you. You nod,

“Ok, tell him I’ll go with her.” You say, Dustin nodding and running off the tell Hopper. Steve looks at you for a moment, realizing what you’re doing. For the first time in days, you won’t be at his side. He won’t be able to make sure you’re ok, and it scares him.

“Hey, don’t you think you should come with us?” he pleads, gently rubbing up and down your arm. You sigh, wanting so badly to give in and go with him, to follow him where ever he goes, but knowing you’re needed somewhere else.

“I’ll be ok. Don’t worry about me.” you send him a sympathetic smile, trying your best to convince him and yourself. Deep down you were terrified to be away from him, but you both had obligations now. You had but put your own interests aside and do what was best for the collective good.

“Promise?” Steve’s voice sounded as if it would break. In a spur of confidence, you cup his face in your hands.

“I promise, Steve.” There’s a gleam in your eyes, and Steve takes his hand from your arm and places it over yours.

Dustin returns, throwing the cars at Steve and basically dragging him away. Steve’s eyes stay on yours as you send a gentle wave to the group. You watch your friends until they round the corner, and sink into yourself. Your safety net was going to be driving far away, and taking your heart with it. You shake your head, clearing the thoughts like an etch a sketch. You make your way over to El, wrapping one of her arms around your neck as the group makes their way out of the mall. She groans and you can see she’s losing more blood.

“Hey, once we get in the car I’ll take another look at it, okay?” all she can do is nod. You situated the two of you in the back of the car and hear the engine sputter. You overhear Nancy and Jonathan say the ignition cable is missing. Before you know it Billy is revving his engine across the lot. You scrabble to get the kids out of the car and back into the mall. Once back inside, you lay El down and redress her wound. It’s not as bad as you thought it would be, but you know your efforts are helping. You reassure her that she’ll be fine and properly fixed up soon enough

In the distance you hear Mike calling to the “Scoops Troop”, and while in any other circumstance you would laugh at the name, you silently pray that they hear you and rescue you. While you were one who could normally save themselves, you were never trapped in a mall by a possessed Billy. Just as things were starting to look up, you notice Max and Mike looking up at something. Mike screams for his sister as the monster breaks through the mall ceiling. You grab Mike Max and El and hide under a food stand. You pull the three as close to you as possible and shut your eyes, a single tear streaming down your face.

From the radio tower, Steve can’t stop pacing. He knows that something’s wrong and it’s eating him alive. It’s like he has a sixth sense and it’s going haywire. His mind is going through every bad possibility. What if you got into a car accident on the way? What if the Russians were waiting at the secret safe house? What is none of this would work? He rakes his fingers through his hair in an effort to self-sooth. He looks to the mall and sees the lights flickering. He’s taken back that November night outside the Byer’s. Fear’s icy grip takes hold of his legs, freezing him in place. He hears Dustin to your group over the radio. After the first call goes unanswered he’s on edge. After the second he’s panicking. After the third is answered with a monster’s screeching, he’s near hysterics. Before his mind can keep up with his legs, he’s running down the hill. He had to get you guys out of there. He barely hears Robin’s labored breathing behind him as they both scramble to the car. A fire is burning inside him and he was prepared to fight like hell.

In the mall, you’re shaking, holding onto the kids like your life depended on it. You barely knew them but felt a responsibility to protect them. Mike wiggles out of your grip to peer over the stand. He hatches an escape plan to go up the stairs. Max reminds him that El is in no condition to do that, to which you nod and agree. That’s when you remember the way through the Gap. The four of you make a mad dash, you clutching El and giving her quiet reinforcement as she hobbles. Someone knocks something over in your haste, alerting the monster to your location. You once again scamble the kids under a counter and shield them with your body. The mind flayer gets distracted, and you guide the kids from the store.

As Steve turns into the Star Court parking lot, his adrenaline is thumping in his ears. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but Nancy shooting at a car charging at her full speed was not it. His knuckles turn white as he grips the wheel, speeding full force into the other car, causing both to spin out. He catches his breath, looking over to make sure Robin is ok. He lifts his eyes to see the Mind Flayer crawl along the mall roof. Nancy pulls up next to them, telling them to get in. For once he wanted things to slow down, but they’re being chased by the fleshy monster. As soon as it turns around, he thinks to take survey of the car. When he sees fewer people than he’s expecting, he’s near tears.

“Where are the others?” His voice is barely above a whisper, as if he doesn’t want anyone to hear and confirm his worst fear.

“Where are the others?” Robin echos his question, but loud enough for the whole car to hear. All Jonathan and Nancy can do is exchange concerned looks. Steve’s hands fly to his hair, unable to process what is going on. You’re not there, which means you’re back in the mall with that thing and Billy.

“Drive!” He screams, unable to do anything else. Words echo in his head “That’s right! Run away Stevie boy! Run away! Just like you always do! That’s right Harrington!

Run away!”

He wasn’t gonna run away this time.

“You’ve got this El. You’re so strong, you’re such a fighter.” You reassure her as the four of you make your way out of the mall. Just as the cool night air hit you, you see Billy emerge from his car.

“Shit” you whisper, directing the kids back into StarCourt. You follow close behind, acting as a buffer between them and Billy. Mike finds an elevator and desperately tries to push the buttons to get you away from your stalker. You hear the metal door open and know he’s right behind you. Before you can do anything, Max tries to talk to him, but he slams her against the wall. He turns his attention to you, Mike, and El. You push the two behind you, trying in vain to hide them from him.

“Billy. Please. They’re just kids. Please don’t do this.” He stares straight into your eyes and yet past you. Next thing you know he grabs your head and throws you into the wall.

As soon as the car stops outside the mall, Steve charges in as quickly as he can. He’s got tunnel vision and finds himself on the balcony with Robin and the fireworks. He looks down just in time to see you run out of scoops. You stop a moment and look up, locking eyes with Steve. A shiver runs down his spine. You avert your gaze to El laying on the floor, motionless and seemingly unaware of the huge monster crawling toward her. You rush to her side in an attempt to pull her away, but Billy intercepts you.

It was a routine fight that started like many others

Steve grabs a firework and throws it as hard as he can, hitting the flesh monster and making it cry out in pain. He’s doing everything in his power to distract Billy and the Mind Flayer. The fire inside him burning so hot he can feel in on his skin.

The bad guy had taken Spider-Man’s girlfriend and put her in the middle of the fight to slow Spider-Man’s attacks and distract him.

Billy grabs you by the neck, lifting you into the air, choking you. You kick at him and scratch at his hands, tear streaming down your face. You give breathless pleas, but know it’s no use. His grip is too strong. He won’t stop

Spider-Man shot a web in a desperate attempt to save her.

“ROBIN! I NEED MORE!” Steve held his hand back, awaiting the reload of him ammunition. He was gonna hit that son of a bitch with everything he had. The now-familiar weight fell into his hand, and he launched the firework through the air. He swore he threw his arm out but he didn’t care. He was gonna fight harder than anyone. The fire had made its way to his eyes, burning so hot tears streamed down his face. He saw the monster flinch. It was working, it would all be over soon. His arm hurt so much but he wouldn’t stop

Despite his efforts, a deafening snap was heard, dashing all hopes of her survival.

Billy mirrored the monster’s pain, twitching with each impact from the fireworks. He let go of you. You fell to the ground with a deafening thump. Steve felt his entire body go numb. A heartwrenching scream raked through his body. It was a cry that could make anyone grasp their chest as if the pain shot like shards through the air.

Good had lost. Peter lost his first true love. Gwen was gone despite it all.

From somewhere behind him he hears Robin over the radio tell Dustin they’re out of time. Boy, ain’t that the truth. He closes his eyes and remembers. Remember the first time you met, and hand coming to feel the bump on his nose. He remembers how alive you were, always singing to songs stuck in your head, helping others, doodling on your yellow shoes. The kind glances you’d give, quick remarks he’d counter, the way you made him feel. He felt the fire inside die, replaced by a glowing ember. The glow you’d carried now living in him.

Robin nudges him and he looks down, only to see the monster attacking Billy. Any trace of anger or a revenge plot melting away at the sight. No one deserves that pain, not even Billy. Suddenly the monster begins to flail, Steve and Robin stumbling back from the rail as it falls into it. The pair jump back to their feet and peer below. A fire burns, scorching the monster’s motionless body. Mike rushes to El, wrapping her in his arm. Max stumbles to Billy, sobbing over him. Before Robin can stop him, Steve is rushing down the escalators to you. His feet can’t carry him fast enough, so he slides down the center. When he reaches you, he collapses to his knees. Steve cradles you in his arms, sobbing into your hair. His hand supports the back of your head, holding you close to his heart.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he repeats, placing kisses on your head.

“I tried, I tried. I fought as hard as I could”

He’s rocking back and forth, trying to soothe himself and you. He screws his eyes shut, taking you in one last time

“Steve?” the voice was barely audible. Steve almost didn’t hear it

The voice comes again, groan follows, then a cough. He carefully moves your head from his chest and it met with the kind eyes he loved looking back at him. A sob crawled its way out his body as you smiled at him. A reassuring smile. You place a hand on his cheek, and he quickly pulls it to his mouth, planting a kiss on your palm.

“I thought I lost you” his voice coming across breathless in his startled state. There’s a moment of silence where you’re searching each other’s faces. Something washes over you, but this time you’re sure of what it is. You see his worry and distress and can’t help but feel sorry for the pain you caused him.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily” you grin, you words causing a choked chuckle and tears to flow from Steve. He pulls you close again, fully sobbing into your hair. You wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace. He savors the feeling.

Good had won. Steve saved his true love. You were here despite it all.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington fic #strangerthings oneshot #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #heart-eye-harrington #heart-eye-harrington writes

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with-all-my-heart-arwen · 4 years

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The Scare

A/N: An AU fic about Arthur and Gwen and a possible life changing event.

The sun is bright as it filters in from the wide curtainless windows. The office continues to buzz with busyness and life seems to move right along despite the turmoil Gwen is feeling inside. She sighs heavily as she packs her meager belongings into a cardboard box. She’d had the desk for three weeks and now her dream internship was at an end. She was only standing up for herself, something her father taught her, and now she feels as if she’s being punished for not allowing a client to talk down to her.

She can feel the eyes of the other office occupants as they glance her way, some with sympathy and some with a good riddance smirk. Her choice of vocation is competitive and she has already mired her path to success. The realization of loss is heavy and stifling. She tosses the last few items into the box, grabs her purse and exits with her head held high. Once she’s in her car, the tears start to stream down her cheeks and she can’t muster the energy to start the vehicle and drive away. She reaches for her mobile and taps the last number called.

He answers hurriedly. “Hey. I’m kind of busy at the moment. Can I ring you back?”

She is so choked up she can barely talk. “Ar….Arthur…..”

“Guinevere….what’s wrong? What’s happened?” He asks anxiously, noticing her difficulty to speak.

“I….I need you.”

“It’s fine. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you,” he offers.

“Can you…..meet me at the park? By the fountain?’ She asks.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Twenty minutes later, they are walking hand in hand as Gwen relays the incident with the client and then her boss and her subsequent firing.

“I thought for sure she’d speak up for me or at least see my side of things. She completely threw me under the bus and told me I should have never spoken to a client in that manner.” She pauses as she looks her boyfriend in the eye. “I wasn’t cross with her like she was with me but I wanted her to know I would not tolerate being talked to like I was an imbecile. How was that wrong?”

“It wasn’t wrong at all.” He shakes his head. “Maybe you can speak with Isabel again, explain yourself….”

“You want me to grovel after the way she treated me? She didn’t have to fire me you know. This was an isolated incident. Maybe I didn’t handle it as I should have. Maybe I should have allowed the client to speak to me the way she did.”

“No. You weren’t wrong for standing up for yourself. I just hate to see you so miserable.”

“Well you’d better get used to it. I can’t afford my flat now so I guess I’ll go back to Reading with dear old dad. That means an hour commute each day for school, add in the wear and tear on the car and it all equals misery in my book.” She stops walking and drops his hand. “Oh Arthur what am I going to do?”

She feels awful asking her boyfriend of six months for answers but she is desperate. Her life here was starting to come together nicely and now she appears to be backtracking. It’s not fair.

He steps in and hugs her tightly. “It will be fine. I promise.” He places his hands on either side of her face. “Why not start plans for your own business?”

“Are you forgetting I have one more year of uni? No one’s going to take a graduating senior seriously. I have to have that degree in hand. Not to mention a bit of experience under my belt,” she reminds him.

“Ok. Well this will leave you more time to devote to your studies. You may even finish early,” he suggests.

“Did I fail to mention my other problem?” She lets out a soft breath. “I need to complete an internship to get all my credits to graduate. I’ve clearly mucked that up now.” Her voice breaks on the last word and Arthur cringes, wishing he could take it all away.

“Let’s solve at least one of these problems. Move in with me. That way you won’t be back with your dad, you won’t have to drive so far, and I’ll cook breakfast each morning.”

Gwen smiles and wipes her tears. “Eggs and toast?”

“Only the best for you.”

“Oh Arthur please be serious. I really need some answers here.”

He frowns. “Who says I’m not serious?”

“I couldn’t do that. I mean, it’s too soon. We’ve only been dating for a few months. What would everyone think?”

“Who cares what others think? I understand this would be a big step for us but….I’m ready.”

“Ready? Ready for what exactly?”

“Guinevere….I love you. Moving in together is a big commitment and I want that…..with you.”

“I…..I love you too Arthur but I don’t want you to feel obligated just because I’m having a bit of bad luck,” she states.

“This is not about your incident today. This is about two people in love….taking the next step.”

She looks at him for a few seconds, recognizing his seriousness. “Well, since you put it that way…..”

They laugh and she loops an arm through one of his as they exit the park.

Two months later

Gwen has ensconced herself into Arthur’s living quarters seamlessly. He made good on his promise to prepare her breakfast every morning, she attended her classes during the day, he worked until six most evenings and she usually had dinner prepared for them once he was home. Their lives merged almost perfectly. The only thing she hadn’t accomplished was securing another internship and she had to have that in place within the next few weeks in order to complete her graduation requirements.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit stressed over it but she had a couple of prospects and she was just waiting for an interview. She puts the finishing touches on tonight’s dinner and goes over a couple of assignments while she waits for Arthur to arrive. She smiles when she hears the lock turn on the door and the love of her life enters their home. He walks over to her and plants a sweet kiss on her lips.

“Sorry I’m late. My father is really bad at knowing when to call it quits.” He sets his keys in a bowl on the coffee table and moves towards the stairs. “I’m going up to change. Be right back.”

That night was like so many others they’ve had. Discussing their days, current events, news from friends, etc. They spend an hour or so on their devices, checking emails, work obligations, school assignments and then they take a long hot shower together that ends with sensual lovemaking in his oversized king bed.

The next day, Gwen is seated at the coffee shop near her school with friends.

“Where’s Jessica?” She wonders.

“Sick with cramps. She has them something awful. I feel sorry for her,” Dreena answers.

The others continue their conversation but Gwen is stuck on the word cramps. It automatically brings to mind her monthly cycle and she realizes she hasn’t gotten it yet. She quickly thinks back to last month and knows she should’ve had her period by now. She takes out her mobile and pulls up the calendar to figure out just how late she is. She gasps and tries not to panic as her heart rate increases with the thought of what could be causing her late period.

“Gwen are you ok?” Eugenia asks.

“Yeah….I…..yes I just remembered an assignment that’s due. I really need to go. I’ll see you guys later.” She grabs her belongings and makes a beeline for her car. She picks up her mobile several times to ring Arthur but she’s not sure what she would say, so she drives home and waits for him. She can’t even think about eating she is so consumed with her thoughts.

The clock reads 7:30 and she scoffs as she thinks, ‘of all nights for him to be late’. He did send a text earlier but she thought late would be 6:30 or 7. At this rate, he could be even later and she knows she will be out of her mind in only a few more minutes. She grabs her shoes and rushes down the stairs ready to snatch up her keys and drive to the nearest drug store.

Arthur walks through the door looking a bit disheveled. “Hi love. Sorry I’m so late. Merlin actually closed a deal and we had to celebrate.”

Gwen stands silently, looking at him.

“Are you ok?” He asks.

“I’m late.”

“Late for what?”

“I mean…..I’m late.”

Her boyfriend’s eyebrows go up in surprise as his mouth forms a silent ‘oh’. “Have you taken a test? Do you know?”

She shakes her head. “No.”

He nods slowly. “Okay. Okay….well let’s uh…..let’s get a test.”

“A test?” She agrees. “Yes we should get a test.”

They take his car and drive a few minutes away to a nearby drug store. The entire time Gwen is racking her brain trying to think of how this could have happened if it has actually happened. She and Arthur were careful. They used condoms and she was on the pill although she was a bit forgetful from time to time. Surely that wouldn’t result in a pregnancy?

She places the test on the counter to purchase it only to have Arthur drop a big box of condoms right next to it. She gives him an annoyed look and remains silent as he retrieves some cash from his wallet and purchases their items.

The silence between them continues on the ride home, her mind still racing as she makes a beeline for the bathroom upstairs. He follows at a slower pace and sits on the bed quietly. He checks his watch, wondering how long this would take. He stands quickly as he hears the door open. She holds a white device in her hand and shakes her head.

“It says I’m not pregnant.”

Arthur lets out a loud ‘Woo!’ He claps his hands together, then scrubs his face with them, releasing a relieved breath. “That was close.” He walks toward her and places his hands on her shoulders. “Gosh I feel like we dodged a bullet.”

Gwen scoffs. “I didn’t know you’d be quite so relieved.”

Arthur scoffs back. “Well aren’t you?”

“Yes…….and……no,” she answers.

“What? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. The thought of being pregnant terrified me but now that I know I’m not…..I guess I’m just a bit disappointed,” she admits.

“Disappointed? Guinevere, we are not ready for a child. You haven’t graduated uni and I’ve just started a leadership role in my father’s company. The last thing we need is a baby.”

“I know that Arthur. Don’t you think I know that? You just…..you’ve just made me feel like a child with me would be the last thing you’d want. If two people love each other, isn’t it natural that they’d want children together?”

“Children? We’ve never even discussed children. You’ve never expressed a desire to have any and to be honest I haven’t given it much thought. All I know is that I’m not ready to change nappies and be up all hours of the night with a screaming infant.”

“You make it sound so dismal and I think it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world,” she answers softly.

“I’m sure it is beautiful for those who plan it and want it. I’m not saying we won’t have kids but it’s just not something that should happen now,” he offers.

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t mind having kids with me?”

He takes his time answering her. For some reason becoming a father is something that terrifies him. His mother died giving birth to him and his father never truly got over her death. He’s not sure he can put the woman he loves in the same predicament. “Can we please discuss this later? I’m feeling a little drained right now.”

“Arthur…..I need to know. I love you but if you don’t see a future for us……..”

“What are you talking about? We had a scare Guinevere. We’re ok now and we know to be more cautious in future.”

“But if we don’t want the same things then how can we stay together?”

“There’s no urgency here. How about we revisit this in another…….five years?”

Five years? She watches dumbfounded as Arthur removes his jacket and tie and leaves the room.

That night, Arthur pulled her into his arms and held her closely. The previous scare and conversation lingered in the room but they didn’t discuss it any further. Gwen was surprised by her feelings and Arthur’s admission. She replayed the conversation in her head again and again, her thoughts keeping her awake long into the early morning hours.

Two weeks later

“Arthur, I need to talk to you,” Gwen expresses as they place their dinner plates in the sink.

He nods. “I know what it’s about and I haven’t changed my mind.”

“So are you admitting there is no future for us…..that we want different things?”

“No, of course not. I’m just saying we aren’t ready to be parents. Don’t you agree?” He wonders.

“Yes but…..if we’re going to have a future together, shouldn’t we discuss the things we want and expect when it comes to family?”

“It’s not a conversation we have to have right now. We have plenty of time,” Arthur reminds her.

Gwen accepts that as his reluctance to discuss a future therefore he must not want a future that includes her and what she wants. This only added to the stress she was experiencing which resulted in a late period. She realizes she needs to relieve some of that stress so her decision was the right one. “Well, I’ve accepted an internship.”

Arthur smiles, relieved to change the subject. “That’s great!”

“In France.”

Her lover falters. “Wh…what? In France? Why?”

“I need to get serious about this, Arthur. I scratched France off my list because I couldn’t bear being away from you but if I truly want to graduate and if I truly want the experience, I need to accept the opportunities granted to me.”

“So you’re leaving just like that?”

“It’s for 6 weeks and I’ve been approved to complete my courses online for that duration. It’s all going to work out.”

“But what about us?”

“You’ve made it clear that we should concentrate on our careers right now and I’ve decided that you’re right.”

“Are you dumping me?” He doesn’t give her time to answer as he steps to her and lifts her chin to look directly into her eyes. “I love you.” He swallows nervously. “If this is about a baby….then….we’ll have one. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“I love you too but I think some time apart is what we need now. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“Great coz I don’t want this. I want you to stay.”

“I want you to take this time to consider what you truly want. If you don’t see yourself as a father in a couple of years then we want different things, Arthur, and we shouldn’t be together if our expectations don’t coincide.”

He motions to say more but Gwen crushes her lips to his, pushing her tongue into his mouth and wrapping her arms around his neck. She pushes her body against his and gasps as Arthur pulls back.

“Guinevere, we need to talk about this.”

“I leave in two days, Arthur. I want to spend that time wrapped in your arms.” Not another word is spoken as they resume their kiss and move into their bedroom.

The next few weeks are torturous for the both of them but they contend by keeping busy, Arthur in his new position at his father’s company and Gwen with her thriving internship. They talk on the phone daily, send each other text messages and emails and the 6 weeks are done before they realize it.

Gwen can barely contain her excitement as she presses the garage opener and parks her car beside Arthur’s. She leaves her bags in the boot as she hurriedly unlocks the door and enters their home. Arthur stands by the kitchen counter and she races to him, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly. His arms snake around her waist and he kisses her neck soundly.

“I missed you so much,” she gasps then kisses him gently.

“I missed you too.”

“Arthur, I want to apologize. I did a lot of thinking while I was away but I couldn’t say this over the phone or in an email. I was wrong to make you feel like you had to tell me exactly what you wanted for your future. We have time and I hope you can forgive me. I wasn’t very understanding and I don’t want to lose you. I love you with all my heart.”

He smiles. “I want to apologize too. I allowed my knowledge of what happened to my parents to cloud my judgment about my own future. I will admit that I don’t know what the future holds for us but as long as I’m with you I don’t care. I love you, Guinevere, more than anything.”

They kiss passionately, their love for one another more evident and stronger than ever. She grabs his hand and leads his towards the stairs.

“I’ve dreamt about you almost every night for 6 weeks. I hope you’re prepared to remain in bed for the next few days.”

Arthur laughs as they climb the stairs together, enter their bedroom, close the door and start to disrobe before falling onto the bed where they make love slowly and intensely.

#Gwen #Arthur #Arwen #fanfiction #SBK

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marvellouslymadmim · 5 years

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Yoyo potions lab julie and ypur choice who else and if its platonic or romantic >:D

Julie Hubble would honestly rather have her teeth removed sans novocain than attend the first parent’s night of Millie’s fourth year. But she needs to set a good example for Mildred and for Indigo, so she keeps her head held high and enters the foyer with the bravest smile she can muster.

No one says anything, but there are still stares. Miss Cackle welcomes her warmly, as does Dimity. She doesn’t expect any less—last term, when she’d attended Gwen and Algie’s wedding, she was met with absolute kindness.

But this is the rest of the parents. This includes the Hallows. This includes parents who have probably heard the wildest variations of what happened from their daughters. This includes people who have been judging her, judging her Millie, for nearly four years now.

Miss Cackle gives her a slip of paper with her timetable of teacher meetings. Julie scans over the list and immediately notices that Miss Hardbroom is not on it. Instead, Miss Cackle will be handling the potions class progress reports, in her own office.

She wonders if the woman is ill, though it’s hard to imagine. When Millie and Indie arrive, Julie mentions this, only to be met with sideways glances between the two girls. Apparently they already had some clue that HB wouldn’t be a part of the night’s activities.

“She’s just…still adjusting, I think,” Indie supplies, and Julie understands the girl is trying to be as delicate as possible.

Well, it’s not as if Julie has anything better to do for the next half-hour until meetings begin. So off she goes to the potions lab, rather certain that she’ll find the woman there (honestly, she can’t imagine HB curling up in her private chambers with a book while all this hustle and bustle happens outside her door—no, she’ll busy herself with her beloved potions, Julie knows).

Sure enough, after a solid two minutes of rather determined knocking, the door to the potions lab whips open, Hecate Hardbroom looming out with eyebrows high and nostrils flared.

Her anger stutters at the sight of Julie. “Miss…Hubble.”

“Miss Hardbroom,” Julie gives a courteous dip of her head, keeping her tone light. As if it’s perfectly natural for her to be standing here. “Well met.”

“Well…met.” It’s obvious that Hecate’s brain is still recalibrating, trying to understand.

“May I?” Julie motions inside. She’s slightly surprised when Hecate actually steps back, opening the door wider and allowing her entrance.

The door closes and Julie lets out a breath of relief. It’s quieter in here, and a bit darker, too. A welcome change.

“Is there—” Hecate starts, stops herself, still unsure what’s happening. “I’m not taking meetings tonight.”

“I noticed,” Julie holds up her schedule in explanation. “And I thought I’d come see why.”

“I assumed you’d be rather glad, having a evening free of my presence.” Hecate attempts a smirk, but it comes off a bit flat, a bit too pained. “As would the rest of the parents.”

“What?” Julie feigns surprise. “I’m sure the thought of spending the evening in your charming company, even for the slightest amount of time, is the sole reason half of them even came tonight.”

Hecate’s dark eyes flick heavenward in a half-hearted eye-roll. She’s definitely not in fighting form, Julie realizes. She eases up.

“It’s not easy, is it?” She asks quietly.

The potions mistress blinks. She waits, fingers lightly curling into her palms like question marks.

“Waiting for the condemnation,” Julie clarifies. Hecate’s reaction informs her that she’s hit the nail on the head.

There’s a full, weighted beat. Julie can practically see the calculations running in Hecate’s head, the decision on whether or not to open up.

“I don’t—I’m sure the girls talked to their parents,” Hecate breathes, holding out her hands in a helpless gesture. “And I’m still not entirely certain how much is…public knowledge. I’m not certain I want to know.”

Julie hums in understanding. Still, she adds a dash of honesty, “Hiding away isn’t going to answer that question—and it’s certainly not going stop any rumors that might already be out there.”

Hecate ducks her head, as if she’s been thoroughly chastised. She clips across the room, brushing past Julie to climb the steps, where a cauldron slowly simmers at a student’s station. With a light sniff, she studiously keeps her attention focused on her potion, drawling in her trademark dour tone, “You may not have realized this, Miss Hubble, but I am not particularly renowned for my bravery.”

The self-deprecation is lined with such self-loathing that Julie feels a pang in response. She straightens her shoulders a bit, fully turning to face the woman and setting her hands on her hips, “That’s not true, Hecate Hardbroom, and you damn well know it.”

The force of Julie’s conviction makes Hecate’s entire body snap to attention in shock. The blonde continues, “I think it goes without saying that we didn’t always agree, and yes, perhaps there was a time when I would have thought you an absolute coward, and a cow to boot, but in the end, you proved yourself to both brave and honorable. And it doesn’t even matter if anyone out there knows it—you know it, and that’s what counts.”

Hecate is watching her with wide eyes, so perfectly still that for a brief moment, Julie wonders if she’s somehow been accidentally frozen. Then, finally, she blinks.

Julie takes the silence to continue, “Millie’s told me, you know. About all the times you put yourself in danger to protect the rest of the school. And I saw it for myself that day…”

She trails off, the memory still hurting. How close she came to destroying everything, to hurting her own child, the fear in Millie’s face and the way that Hecate slid in front of her daughter, face so full of knowing and yet accepting her fate, accepting anything that gave Mildred a chance to escape, to survive.

She can’t finish that thought, so she pushes forward, “And I’ve watched you, over the summer. Sorting it all out with Indigo. Trying to undo all the bad that came before—both the parts you were responsible for, and the parts you weren’t. That isn’t easy, Miss Hardbroom. And it certainly isn’t the work of a coward.”

Hecate’s eyes are glistening—this time, when she blinks, tears roll down each cheek, slow and heavy. She doesn’t even try wiping them away.

She wants to say thank you. She wants to argue, to say all the good she’s done is still not enough to make up for what she did before, still too little, too late. She wants to devolve further into her tears. She wants to crawl back into the hardened shell of her outward persona. She wants Julie Hubble to leave. She wants Julie Hubble to stay.

Instead, she simply clears her throat, ducking her head slightly as she pushes her voice to raise above a tear-soaked whisper.

“You should go, Miss Hubble. You’ll miss your first meeting.”

Julie swivels, checks the time on the clock on the wall. Something tugs in her chest, something that can’t leave Hecate like this, looking so small and broken. She turns back to the other woman, who’s watching her with careful eyes and an unreadable mix of emotions playing across her face.

Another beat passes. Then, Miss Hardbroom extends her graceful fingers, wrist turning in a delicate fashion. The door creaks open behind Julie. Somehow this feels like a defeat, Julie thinks. Like this moment of potential connection is completely null and void.

But then Hecate shifts, rising to her full height and giving a small nod toward the open door, “I would hate to deprive two bright young witches of such a formidable guardian on parent’s night.”

Julie makes a mental note to pass along HB’s compliment to the two bright young witches in question. She simply nods in agreement, shifting towards the door.

“And…Miss Hubble?”

She stops, turns back around.

“Your words are far kinder than I deserve—but I do appreciate them, all the same.”

“Well, you know me, Miss Hardbroom, I’m not one to sugar coat things. I say exactly how I feel.”

Now the woman is truly smirking again. “Yes, one could never argue that, Miss Hubble.”

“Julie, please.”

“Julie,” Hecate repeats, softly. With one last small smile, she returns her attention back to her cauldron. Julie makes sure the door is fully closed before heading down the hall.

“Mum!” Mildred rounds the corner, eyes wide. “Where have you been?”

Julie can’t help the grin quirking across her face, “Honestly, love, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

#thanks love dove!#room-on-broom #cackle's prompt game #hecate hardbroom #julie hubble #a bit mumbroom?#but also a bit platonic?#choose your own interpretation?#tww2017

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trashyazeohane · 6 years

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Wait For It - Hogwart!AU

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3

Summary: David is a ball of sunshine, Max can’t deal with his feelings, Nikki and Neil have doubtful methods of helping and Daniel really hates Max. Oh, and a little bit of magic is there too.

Additional comments: Fluff, Slow Burn

Word count: 13 850

Beta-read by my amazing friend @maxvid-fan

You can also read it on AO3. Enjoy!

ﾟ｡･ * . ☆ ━ I ━ ☆ . * ･｡ﾟ

“Love doesn't discriminate

Between the sinners

And the saints

t takes and it takes and it takes (…)”

- Lin-Manuel Miranda

Max must have misheard that. He had to. There had to be something wrong with his ears – to be honest there was a faint ringing sound echoing at the back of his skull which didn’t exactly want to quiet down yet. Was he in such bad shape that he was starting to hear things?

“Pardon?” He murmured, blinking and staring with bewilderment at the woman sitting behind the giant mahogany desk. “I must have heard you wrong.”

Because no, there was no way that she actually had said –

Gwen sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“You heard me correctly Max. Three months of detention.” She stated and exhaled slowly through her barely parted lips.

“But why?!” Max asked, maybe too loud for comfort at this late hour, but he didn’t care. Everyone else inside the castle was sleeping soundly in their beds – well, of course almost everyone – a good few floors away. There was no way he could wake someone up.

The hand fell down from the woman’s face as she looked at him skeptically – with one eyebrow raised high onto her creamed forehead. Or at least Max assumed it was some kind of cream… or the residues of some mask the woman had put on her face in hope of calming down during the evening.

Apparently a few students had some different plans for her – and Max was unfortunately one of those students. So here she was, back in her office, still wearing a sleeping robe and giving Max the detention. Three months of detention!

“Why detention or why three months?” Gwen asked, crossing her hands on her chest and tapping one finger on the arm. “Because if you’re asking about the first one then I’m sure you already know the answer.”

Max bit his bottom lip harshly and then hissed as he felt the cut he had there open. With the wrist of his left hand he brushed it, hoping to get rid of these few new droplets of blood appearing there.

The Transfiguration teacher grabbed the wand from behind the belt of her fluffy robe and swished it. The lonely roll of parchment laying on the desk swirled and turned into a tissue, which then floated to Max.

He grabbed it, mumbled a quick thanks under his breath and pushed it to his mouth to stop the bleeding.

“I was asking about the second thing.” He murmured after a few seconds, moving the tissue away. Nope, there still was blood. Quite a lot of it. And he had just left the Hospital Wing. He wasn’t keen on going back there so quickly.

“Well… I talked with Daniel and we both decided that you are old enough to not act on impulses.” The woman said, tilting her head. “Especially if those impulses end in a destroyed corridor to the Clock Tower.”

Max cast his gaze away, staring at the closed door to Gwen’s office.

“Why isn’t crazy Da… Mister Daniel giving me detention?” He inquired instead, when the sudden empty space between them was becoming quite too much, weighing his bones and muscles down.

Damn, he was tired. Exhausted even. His eyelids were dropping down and the only thing he dreamed about now was a bed and a few hours of peaceful sleep.

“He is currently taking care of the mess you all have made.”

Oh, Max could already feel the hell he’ll be going through during the next Potion classes. Great, fucking fantastic. Where could he sign himself for a week stay at the Hospital Wing?

The woman eyed him curiously for a few seconds – maybe it was even a full minute, Max wasn’t sure. At this point he just wanted to go to sleep and deal with the thought that he just received detention for three months later on.

Life was fucking perfect. This was what he was getting for –

No, it didn’t matter right now.

(He wouldn’t change a thing in the end.)

Max moved the tissue away and then licked his lips hesitantly, checking if there were still a few droplets left. He could sense the cut, but it looked like it stopped bleeding. For now.

“I understand.” He finally said. “So when will I be starting the detention?”

Max doubted that the woman would want the tissue back, so he put it inside his pocket. It may come in handy later.

“Next Tuesday.” Gwen said with a small, tired smile tugging on her lips.

Oh, so he still had a week of freedom. Or maybe they gave him a small vacation to heal. Or maybe for the others to heal – because, to be honest, Max was the least injured one. It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell, but it could be worse.

(And some small part of Max was kinda proud of that. He only hoped that Nikki would be okay too as she had to stay in the Hospital Wing for the night.)

Okay, he can live through three months of detention. Actually once he had had it worse – because he had gotten five months of detention! That had been two years ago, back when he was a fourth year. He had just pissed off the wrong person – cough! his own Head of the Slytherin House – and the price had to be paid.

Cleaning cauldrons will probably be a never ending part of his nightmares till the day of his death.

Max shuddered, but then moved his gaze back at the woman. Plus it was Gwen he was talking about. She was nothing like Daniel! She wouldn’t comment on every little thing he would do even a bit wrong. She wouldn’t pierce him with a cold stare. She wouldn’t treat him like a piece of shit.

So maybe it won’t be that bad.

“So what will we be doing then?” He asked.

Gwen blinked and then chuckled under her nose.

“Oh no, you got it wrong. You won’t be helping me during your detention…” She stated, a few cackles escaping her lips at the end.

What?

“Then who?” Max asked.

Please not crazy Daniel, please not crazy Daniel, please not crazy Daniel, please not –

“David. He needs a helping hand around his greenhouses.”

On the second thought… Crazy Daniel sounded fine.

***

“It’s not so bad.” Neil murmured from somewhere above Max’s head.

He only groaned in response, embracing the cold table with his warm face. He didn’t want to see the world, he was fine there, not staring at the passing students. Plus the chilly sensation which was seeping into his skin was making the scratches, still visible there, less painful.

Plus there was a more prominent and important reason. A very, very important reason. The teachers’ table full of… well, teachers.

Max didn’t want to even glance at them for a millisecond.

“Neil, it’s a disaster.”

There was an exasperated sigh coming from above him, followed by a sound of something being stabbed. Probably the eggs Neil had been eating for breakfast.

Max mustered one toast into himself and that was all. Usually he was an animal, tearing through rolls and stealing lonely pieces of ham from other people’s plates. But not today… Today his stomach was twisting, curling and twitching nervously inside his body.

And it was all because of him.

“I actually thought you would be kinda happy… about that turn of events.”

“No, Neil, this is terrible.” Max said, maybe too loud, as he lifted his face from the table. His one hand moved to comb through his messy black strands. And it was totally an accident that it was the hand that also helped him not see the teachers’ table. “I’d prefer to clean fucking cauldrons for fucking crazy Daniel for three months than have detention with David.”

Neil looked kinda surprised, but also amused by his outburst. Yeah, that was amusement tugging on the corners of his lips and making Max want to slap that fucking smirk off.

“Whatever you say, Max.” Neil finally mused, closing his eyes with shoulders dropping in defeat. “But if you really don’t want to go to David for detention I always have a few potions I want to test.”

“Sign me the fuck up.”

“You may die.”

“Don’t care.”

***

Max, unfortunately, didn’t die after trying Neil’s potions. One turned his skin green, the other one made him belch colorful bubbles and others, well… had other weird side effects. But not one of them killed him.

The fact also kinda surprised Neil, as he stared at green Max with bubbles coming out of his mouth, but still very much alive.

“I must have messed up the amount of Bloodroot petals.”

“No shit.”

Nikki, who finally returned from the Hospital Wing, had the best day of her life. After a few hours and at least dozen potions she was still laughing like a madman. Her laughing spree started after Max had explained to her his foolproof plan of dying before he would even get near David and she was still doing it after the last potion had been drunk.

Max preferred her laughing over looking like hell – but the chuckles were interrupted a few times by the Gryffindor grabbing her ribs and hissing in pain.

“You okay?” Max asked, glancing at himself in the broken, rusty window, trying to sound as disinterested as he could.

“Yeah… just…” She wheezed and neither he nor Neil were sure if that was because she was still in pain or due to that everlasting smile on her lips thanks to Max’s problem. “Broken ribs heal slowly, even with magic.”

Neil nodded, approving of this statement.

But Max couldn’t parade green around the school for the rest of his life, so he went to the Hospital Wing. The nurse eyed him suspiciously, but only sighed and got to work, mixing different potions to help him get his normal skin color back.

***

Okay, the next plan was maybe a little less ideal, however it was good nonetheless.

Nikki simply proposed jumping from a high place and hoping that this would end it all.

Neil quickly shot that idea down.

“You don’t need to actually die. We just need to do something that make you unable… to attend detention.” The Ravenclaw explained, as the both of them sent him quite surprised stares.

Well, Neil was kinda right. And all this planning was for naught. Well, maybe they could still use it in the future.

“You’re no fun, Neil. I’m supporting Max!” Nikki pipped from next to Max.

“I’m trying to save him!”

“You gave him at least a dozen dubious potions yesterday!”

Neil was already opening his mouth to answer her, but found no good and intelligent reply in his mind, so he shut it and didn’t brush this topic anymore.

***

Of course, coming up with a plan that didn’t involve Max dying was harder than they thought.

First Nikki and Neil painted some red and pinkish spots on Max’s skin – so he would look like he was ill – and then sent him to the Hospital Wing. The nurse ran around him, fuming and cursing while searching in books as big as crazy Daniel’s ego for spells that could heal Max’s suspicious rash.

Maybe the stupidest plans were the best.

The nurse was just about to make him stay the night (or a few more) over, in a not so comfy bed, but then she brushed his cheek and smeared the paint residing there.

Fuck.

In the end it didn’t work.

***

After that they had searched through the whole school for a specific spider.

Neil had read somewhere that Brown Recluses had quite a venomous bite and only the St. Mungo’s hospital had the antidote for it.

And they found many, many spiders – mostly typical ones like a Redback Spider, Cellar Spiders and even a few Hobo Spiders – but not the one they were looking for.

But the nurse almost had believed his lie yesterday, so maybe today would be no exception either.

So Nikki happily found and grabbed a lonely, poor Giant House Spider and tried to help Max get bitten by it.

(Forcing a spider to bite someone was more difficult than it looked, Max concluded after a few minutes of struggling.)

After that came a few spells on his skin to change the color of it, few runs from one side of the corridor to the other to sweat, and Max was ready to return to the Hospital Wing.

To say that the nurse was surprised and not happy would be an understatement. But when Max told her what had bit him (or what actually hadn’t bit him), she quickly turned pale as a marble. Her hands fidgeted and then she dropped a bottle filled with purple potion onto the floor.

Uh-oh?

She laid him down on the bed and then started to run around the room, searching for correct potions, ingredients and books with spells. Quickly his hand was submerged in a bowl filled with something that weirdly resembled a goop in sensation, but both freezing cold and burning hot in turns. Not to mention it smelled terrible. The nurse ran around him, casting spells that did nothing. Because there was nothing to cure, beside a typical bite from a typical, not really harmful, spider.

The nurse lifted her head at him with a frown storming through her eyes and forehead. Her hand gripped his wrist tighter.

“I’m sorry, but I think we need to amputate it.”

What the fuck?

“What?”

“I don’t think I have enough potions and ingredients to fight the venom in your blood, so we need to cut it off before it will spread further.” The woman stated, holding Max’s wrist with one hand and her wand in the other.

She made a swish movement with her right palm and a red aura, which appeared near her shoulder, floated through her hand to the wand and then to Max’s shoulder –

“No, no, no, no, no, stop! It didn’t bite me!”

To say that Max shouldn’t come even close to the Hospital Wing after that would be an understatement in this situation.

***

In the end, nothing they did worked. Or at least not in the way Max wanted it to work.

(Nikki even proposed destroying something to give Max even worse detention, but he was afraid that Gwen would magically turn those three months into five or more)

So there was one last thing he could do.

“Are you sure?” Neil asked, leaning over the edge of the tower to stare down at the ground many, many feet below them.

The wind swished past them, ruffling their robes and hair. It was kinda chilly so high up, but Nikki looked like she didn’t even care as she swung her legs back and forth, looking down with pure childish curiosity beaming from her eyes.

“Yes.” Max said, licking his almost healed lips and glancing down. This height should really damage him. Or even kill.

He didn’t want to die here, but the sweet, delicious embrace of death would probably still be better than dealing with David for three months.

“I will visit you in St. Mungo.” Nikki chirped, looking up at Max as he moved to the edge.

“Thanks. I… appreciate it.”

Max took a deep breath, feeling the chilly air sneaking through his lungs to his bones and muscles, freezing them for a few seconds. No, he had to do it. There was no turning back.

His heart hammered, beated, drummed loudly in his ears, making all the other sounds quiet down and the height between him and the ground so, so large. The people below looked like ants, moving happily from one corner of the grounds to the other.

Max closed his eyes.

“I really don’t like it, Max.”

He exhaled slowly though his lips and then glanced at Neil.

“You know what Muggles say?”

“What?”

“Yolo!” And with that one word leaving his chapped lips, Max leaped to his freedom.

Well, kinda funny thing. He wasn’t even sure what this word meant – he heard it around the school, screamed loudly, especially during Potions when some ingredients were added. It was mostly followed by an explosion or the loud booming voice of the teacher, angrily marching through the smoke. It definitely had to mean something cool. Otherwise people wouldn’t say it so often.

And he would die with this one last word leaving his lips.

Well, Max would die, if he actually started falling down. But nothing like that happened. He expected the ground to get closer and closer to him, with the wind swishing loudly in his ear. He expected to feel the adrenaline, to sense the blood rushing through his heart. He almost wanted to sense the overbearing dread, because in just a few seconds he would welcome the soil with a high five.

But nothing like this happened. Max jumped and then… froze in the air.

What the fuck?

“What is happening here!?”

Goddammit.

Max wanted to turn around, but he couldn’t move. His muscles didn’t want to twitch even as he floated in the air, immobilized by a heavy force swirling around his body.

Gladly (or not) soon he was brought back to the tower, where Neil stood with an embarrassed façade. Nikki just looked lost.

And in front of Max stood a very, very pissed Gwen.

“Max, what the hell were you thinking? You could have killed yourself. Or at least hurt yourself pretty badly!” The woman screamed with her foot tapping an uneven rhythm on the cold, stony floor.

The violet coat rattled loudly under the passing wind.

Max weighed his options in his mind quickly and decided to stay quiet. Or at least tried. It wasn’t his fault that Nikki usually did something before thinking.

“Oh Max was just trying to escape detention with Mister David.”

If he was a basilisk, Nikki would drop dead in this very moment. But unfortunately Max was only a human, so his deadly glare did nothing, only made the girl chuckle a little under her nose.

Gwen looked between her and him and then sighed heavily with her shoulders dropping down significantly. The hand which wasn’t wielding a wand moved to her face, so she could pinch the bridge of her nose.

“Max, I can’t even…” Then she took a deep, calming breath and looked up at the sky. It took her a few seconds to let out the hot air outside and glance back at Max. “Max, you’re helping David for three months and you better behave yourself or three months will turn into half a year.”

Oh no.

“Did I make myself clear?” Gwen raised one eyebrow and then crossed her arms.

“Yes.”

“Good. Now return to the castle and I don’t even want to see you outside today.”

The trio shuffled slowly past Gwen into the castle. Max’s shoulders were hunched, but Nikki next to him looked like she had the time of her life. Neil on the other side… less so.

(It was him who had probably called Gwen… Max wanted to be mad at him, but couldn’t find the anger inside of him right now.)

They were just about to walk down the dark, curly stairs, when the Transfiguration teacher behind him spoke:

“And hey, Max…” When he turned his face to her, Gwen’s mouth stretched into an evil smirk. “Detention starts tomorrow at five.”

***

Max stopped in front of the glassy, dirty window. He raised his hand – because maybe he should knock – but then moved it down. No, that was stupid. He never had knocked here, so why should he start now?

He checked the time. He was late. Not by much, but around ten minutes or so. Would the teacher be mad if he was late? Crazy Daniel would probably prolong his detention, maybe take away points from his own House (Max had a feeling the man kinda hated him, and the feeling was mutual, asshole). But David wasn’t like Daniel. Or like they were totally opposite.

David would probably smile that stupid, cheerful grin of his and not even mention it, glad that the student could simply make it.

Well, only one way to find out actually.

Max grabbed the handle and pushed it down, feeling his heart leaping painfully high into his throat. It was swirling and twirling constantly today, beating like crazy about the simple idea of detention. It was thumping and drumming so loudly and joyfully that Max was sure everyone around him could hear it.

(Even though Neil had said that he hadn’t been hearing a thing.)

The door opened with a sad squeak, making way for Max to walk inside the greenhouse.

And the first thing Max did was kick a bucket holding some tree. Great Max. But it wasn’t his fault. Neither his legs nor arms wanted to move properly today, sweating profusely like crazy and almost making him slip.

Max cursed under his nose, when the sound of his feet hitting the metal woke up some plant on the left which started to wiggle. What the fuck?

This was exactly why he hated this place. Everything was so… so alive. You’d want to touch that beautiful flower on the right, but it was probably poisonous and will kill you slowly in three years. That row of small cacti looked lovely? Wrong! One pinch of their needle will make you vomit through the whole night! Oh, were those golden flowers safe to smell and admire their beauty? Guess aga – wait, they were just dandelions. Never mind.

(Why the fuck did David have, among all of those amazing plants, fricking dandelions?)

Max moved slowly through rows of different, colorful plants, bending and sometimes jumping over roots. He could swear once he saw some vine reaching out to him, but he quickly moved from its path. It took him at least four or so minutes before he reached another door, from behind which he could hear low hums.

He reached and knocked on the glass door. Nothing happened. The sweet tone was still seeping from under it like a lullaby. So Max knocked once again, louder. Still… still nothing.

Okay, so going in it was.

Max pushed the handle and then opened the door, peeking inside first before fully going in.

As expected the Herbology teacher was inside the room, softly humming a delicate tune under his nose as he moved through the warm room with a giant watering can in both of his hands. He stopped to bend down and water one white flower and then he was again on his journey to help other plants and trees gathered inside this room. The man swirled around the flowerpots with ease, even though from his place near the door Max could see that his eyes were mostly closed. Another pour of water here, a slight step to the side to not crash into an Asphodel there, then a small twirl to maneuver around Bouncing Bulb, only to stop under a sink.

Max was just about to maybe shout, to show that he was here – even though it was hard to do so through his closing down throat – when he noticed a black something sticking out from the teacher’s ears.

Oh wait. Nikki once had showed Max something similar. A device to play music! But how was it called? MV… no, not that… MP… MP something something.

That was why David couldn’t hear him.

So yeah, clearing throat and shouting probably wouldn’t help. Will Max actually have to move closer to the teacher and maybe even touch him?

He wasn’t sure if his body could manage to do so. Especially his heart, which was hammering like crazy – painfully echoing in his skull. Was he getting a heart attack? Probably!

But no, he had to do it, otherwise Gwen would probably give him more detention. More detention with David of all people.

So he somehow, magically probably, mustered his legs to move closer to the man, who was still singing like a doofus under his nose while filling up the water can. Max’s hand floated in the air for a few more seconds than necessary, before it landed on the teacher’s shoulder.

To say that Max kinda frightened the red haired man would be an understatement. Especially as the man yelped, jumped and then turned around with one black something falling out of his ear.

“Max! You scared me!” Green, vivid eyes found his own and Max tried really, really hard not to look away immediately.

“I knocked.” He murmured, clenching his fists.

David looked behind him at the opened door and then his mouth formed that small stupid ‘o’ when he was noticing something obvious.

“Oh, sorry Max. I was listening to some tunes while working.” The man stated, reaching to his ears to unplug the other black thing and put it into his pocket.

Max wasn’t sure what to do, so he nodded.

“G… Miss Gwen sent me here for my detention?”

Another blink of lush eyes, another small ‘o’ formed by pink lips and then David was nodding vigorously.

“Oh yeah, yeah, I remember.” But something in the way he said that made Max think that the man didn’t really remember that. “Come, come. Do you have some gloves?”

“Erm…” Well, of course not.

David passed him and moved to the door from which Max entered and walked through it.

“Well, don’t worry. I’ll lend you some of mine.”

Max followed the teacher through the first greenhouse to a small storage room on the other side. All this time Max was a few feet away – far enough so that he wasn’t feeling like fainting, but close enough that it was acceptable. David didn’t seem to notice it, humming some tune under his nose all the way.

David gave him old gloves – they were frayed in too many places to count, sewn a few times and smelling like soil. Max immediately hated them. But well, he liked his fingers and he knew for a fact that some plants here were dangerous, so he put them on.

“So what are we doing today?” Max asked, while David put on his own gloves.

The man turned and sent him the brightest grin of all times – that made Max blind for a second – and answered:

“We’re going to replant some plants!”

Easy enough.

***

Apparently it wasn’t as easy as it had seemed at first, because David didn’t exactly tell Max that they were replanting Spiky Bushes.

So yeah, the process wasn’t so nice.

It took Max at least half an hour to get one bush from a pot without being punctured by the yellow spikes. It took him another half an hour to fill another pot with special soil and then took him another one to put the bush back inside (while only being grazed once). And like that, almost half of his detention time flew by with Max only managing to do one thing!

(It wasn’t like he tried to be sufficient, it just kinda… pissed him off.)

And David, that fucking ado– irritating teacher, during this time managed to replant three bushes, all this time smiling like crazy and praising Max’s every move.

“Oh Max, you did great!” David said, approaching him when Max was able to put one plant away. “Look, it’s so happy in its new home!”

Max wasn’t sure if Spiky Bushes could exactly be happy – like do they even feel any kind of emotion?

But when David’s gloved hands landed on it, petting the plant softly, the spikes got significantly smaller.

Huh, maybe they do have emotions.

“Why do we have to do it anyway?” Max asked, moving to another pot in the line and dragging it closer to the bag with soil.

“Oh, Spiky Bushes get their vitamins from the Sun. But in the winter there isn’t enough sunlight for them to grow properly, so I replant them into soil which has a surplus of those vitamins.”

“Seems reasonable enough.”

“It sure is!”

Max’s eyebrow twitched hearing the high pitched, cheerful voice. He didn’t comment on it. He preferred to return back to work and forget that David was near him.

***

Apparently he had to visit David three times a week – every Tuesday, Thursday and – damn – Saturday. He was glad that winter was coming, so it meant no Quidditch practices. But it still wasn’t a very nice thought that immediately popped into Max’s mind first thing in the Saturday morning.

(The worst was the fact that some horrible part of Max already wanted to go there and he was still in his boxers!)

He spent the time before detention by nudging Neil to do Max’s homework for him. The teen, of course, didn’t agree, but helped him write an essay for Transfiguration. At least it was one thing off Max’s mind. Nikki, in this time, occupied the chair next to them in the library and snored loudly.

And (not) soon enough it was afternoon and Neil and Nikki were bidding him farewell. While Neil looked kinda well… like usual, Nikki’s mouth was stretched in that ever knowing grin.

“Have fun, Max.”

“It’s detention. It isn’t supposed to be fun.” Max grumbled.

“I know, but you’re spending it with… David.” She tilted her head and looked at him and oh! Max kinda wanted to kill her.

(Fuck the fact that he had helped her almost two weeks ago.)

“And this is the worst part of the detention.” Max stated.

“Yeah, sure, tell yourself that.”

Yeah, choking her now sounded delightful.

But he was already four minutes late and, even though David wasn’t crazy Daniel, he still could give him more detention.

(Knowing David he probably wouldn’t even notice Max being late. But it wasn’t like Max wanted to go there…)

Also this time Max went into the greenhouse without knocking, because the Herbology teacher never heard him, so why should he do it anymore? And also this time David wasn’t in the main part of the building.

Max maneuvered, stepped, twirled and jumped around, once again forgetting about the Venomous Tentacula, and then he was in front of the door directing him further into the greenhouse.

This time it was slightly ajar, but Max couldn’t hear any tapping or hums coming from inside. Weird, but he still pushed the door slowly and peeked inside.

He would have lied if he said that he didn’t find David, because it was the first thing he noticed after entering.

The teacher was sitting on a chair with his hands curled on the table and face hidden in them.

“Mister David?” Max asked, entering slowly, letting the door squeak softly.

No response.

Max looked around and then slowly moved forward, a few steps at a time. His fingers twitched, not really sure what they should do. Move? Should he move them?

Max was close enough that if he lifted his hand, he would touch the redhead’s shoulder. And he wanted to, his brain was sending tons and tons of impulses to his palm, but Max held strongly.

No, he can’t do it. But well –

“David?” Max repeated himself, internally biting his tongue at the slip.

But also this time the man didn’t move, not counting the shoulders moving rhythmically up and down.

He was asleep.

Max could totally just sit around and wait till the time of detention would be over and then explain to David that he had been there on time. Knowing the gullible teacher he would probably believe him, especially as it was kinda true.

So why was Max’s hand moving without his consent? Why was it floating in the air, inching closer and closer to the mop of red hair? Why couldn’t he stop?

(Maybe because he didn’t want to.)

And there was a brief stillness – where he heard the soft rustles of plants, where he heard a sprinkler turning on somewhere in the background, where he could hear a lone bird flying above the greenhouse’s roof, where his heart beat so loud inside his ribcage that he was sure everyone could hear it.

A symphony, a painful symphony drumming inside his ribcage and temples.

His fingers twitched, unsure, hesitant, whether they should or should not touch the strands, even when they were so, so close.

Max swallowed hard, feeling the sudden, intense, submerging –

Max’s palm landed on David’s shoulder.

“Mister David?” He repeated himself, shaking the man.

The teacher stirred and slowly lifted his head from the confinement of his hands. For a few seconds he stared forward, at nothing and everything in the same time, and then blinked slowly, getting rid of the last dusty particles of sleep still being there on his eyelashes.

Max’s hand was still on the man’s shoulder when he turned around.

“Oh Max! I’m sorry, I must have fallen asleep accidentally. I’m so so sorry.” David suddenly stood up from the chair, tipping it backwards and almost making it crash down.

That would have happened, if Max didn’t move to catch it, breaking the connection.

“It’s okay.” He said, putting the chair back, looking back at David and noticing probably for the first time that he had big ashy bags under his eyes. Well, no, scratch that. Max had noticed them, but now, when he was finally able to stand close, he could see that they were painfully large.

There was this rumor going around that some students had seen the Herbology teacher walking around the school during the nights. But until now Max took it as a, well, rumor. But maybe there was a grain of truth in shushed sentences whispered from ear to ear.

David smiled at him a little bit sheepishly, a little bit unsure, before he finally cleared his throat and moved past Max.

“O-okay, we should get back to work!”

And with that David went outside.

Max turned on his heel, not before stealing one last glance at his teacher’s desk. Oh, he had fallen asleep grading some first years’ essays. Heh, not surprising then.

***

So like that two weeks passed. And all this time Max was replanting the Spiky Bushes. When he had more or less found a kind of proper technique it wasn’t so hard and he was doing it way faster now.

(There was even a short moment when he almost enjoyed it, but his brain quickly killed that thought, tore it apart and buried it deep down.)

So when one day Max walked into a greenhouse and found David actually already in the main part of it and saying:

“Today you’ll be doing something different”

It kinda took him by surprise.

“Okay…” Max mumbled and moved closer to David, but not too close to not accidentally smell his kinda nicely smelling –

(No, no, no!)

– shampoo and a soft hint of soil that seemed to always trail behind the teacher. “So what will we be doing today?”

“Do you remember Asphodels?” David asked, handing him the gloves.

Max took them and put them on.

“Ehh… kinda.” Not really.

But David didn’t comment on that as he moved further into the greenhouse.

“The root of an Asphodel is used in many potions. I’m sure you used it a lot too or at least Daniel told you about it.”

If Max had actually paid attention during Potions, that was. But he unfortunately didn’t do it enough to know some roots. It wasn’t that Max was bad at Potions, on the contrary, he was pretty good at it – and maybe this fact irritated crazy Daniel even more. Because he simply couldn’t pinpoint mistakes in Max’s potions.

“Yeah, it’s ringing a bell somewhere.” Still not really.

But David grinned at him with that smile with the power of a thousand suns and, God, Max almost got blinded by the sheer power of it.

“Good! I noticed a few days ago that some leaves were ill. I already gave them a specific healing potion, but we still need to get rid of the old ones, so the new ones can grow.”

Sounded easy enough. Getting rid of a few leaves shouldn’t be that problematic, right?

Again, wrong. Max should really stop expecting his life and especially detention to be easy. Especially as he saw rows and rows of the plant in the next room.

Fuck his life!

***

Trying to find the infected leaves wasn’t the worst, really. The worst was the closure he sometimes had to get. Because damn, sometimes the leaf looked sick, but also not sick, so Max had to call David for inspection.

And David sometimes had to lean in pretty close to see. And in this process he had to move closer to Max and occasionally brush their shoulders together. And there were times where David was in front of him – with hairs tickling Max’s nose as he was bending down to look at the leaf.

And Max’s hand would always twitch, squirm, tense. It took a lot of Max’s inner strength to not raise his hand and just… do something with it. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew he wanted to do something with it.

(Plus from so up close he could see all the freckles adorning David’s skin)

At the end of the day Max’s back was killing him and whenever he straightened it, he could hear his vertebrae clicking into place. Plus he was tired, no, exhausted as hell from trying to control his heart, mind and the stupid, idiotic and terrible urges appearing whenever David was near him.

Like today he could almost count every eyelash David had!

During the evening, when Max was walking through Slytherin common room, every younger year moved out of his way and the rest whispered between each other. Max didn’t care about them or about anything they were talking about. Though he caught bits and pieces of their conversations.

“What the heck. Is he smiling?”

“Max smiling? You must be delusional. Oh shit, you’re right!”

“Yeah, scary.”

“We should run…”

Max turned to them and the duo, who had been talking about him, scattered away.

***

The November quickly turned into December with a white, fluffy layer of snow covering the ground one not so beautiful morning.

“Fucking stupid white fucking shit.” Max mumbled as he walked through the wet snow in the direction of the forest.

Nikki and Neil were just behind him, with Nikki cackling loudly like a madman and Neil hiding his mouth behind a thick, blue scarf, secured tightly around his neck.

“Why did it have to fall today? When we have to find those stupid cones for dumb Potions!?” Max groaned, kicking a pile of snow.

It didn’t give him the satisfaction he hoped it would give him. It only agitated him more actually.

“I mean, to be fair, we were supposed to start searching for them two weeks ago.” Neil mumbled under his breath.

“Well, I didn’t see you eagerly looking for them earlier!” Max snapped back, almost glaring at his friend, who only shrugged in return.

Max didn’t sleep well and was kinda pissed. Or very much pissed. So yeah, yelling at his friends maybe wasn’t justified, but it was expected by them.

They spent another hour and a half rummaging through the snow with bare, in Max’s and Nikki’s case, hands and searching for pine cones. Why during the whole year there were a lot of them around, but when you needed them suddenly the whole forest and field was empty?

But gladly, after too long time spent in the freezing cold world, they had enough to fulfill crazy Daniel’s wish.

With three bags full of pine cones, they started their mighty journey back to the castle for some needed warm dinner.

“Hey Max…” Nikki suddenly appeared next to him – for a brief moment Max was sure she even apparated there – and grinned from ear to ear. “… What are your plans for Christmas?”

Christmas? Oh yeah, it was in less than a month. Max totally forgot about it. Or it would be more accurate to say that he tried not to think about it that much. It wasn’t the whole idea of Christmas that he hated, but the things that came with it – coldness in his parents’ eyes as they sat at the enormous dining table, not uttering even a single word to each other.

“Eh… probably the same as every year.” Max shrugged, hanging the bags on his wrist so he could hide his frozen palms inside his pockets. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I’m going to my dad for Christmas and was curious if you want to go with me? Neil will also visit, right?” The girl turned to their tall friend, who only shrugged in reply – which indicated that he agreed.

Max glanced at the girl and then hung his head down.

He didn’t want to show it, but the idea – a simple question, a will to hang out with him – warmed him so much inside that he was afraid it was visible on his cheeks in form of a soft, kinda pinkish, maybe even red blush smeared over his cheeks. It sent shivers of excitement running down his spine and made his fingers twitch in anticipation, but then it all crashed down when reality gnawed on him.

“I’m sorry, Nik…” Max grumbled. “But my parents will probably send someone to drag me back if I say I’m not going back home, because I’m visiting a friend.”

Even though they barely talked, his parents always expected Max to come back home for holidays and breaks – so they all could wear fancy clothes and go to galas thrown by the Ministry of Magic, showing perfect smiles of the perfect family that they oh so much weren’t. Max hated it.

Nikki’s smiling mouth turned upside down at that information.

“Ugh, can’t you lie to them that you need to stay at school and then come over to me?”

“I tried.” Max quickly said. “During the second year. They asked the headmaster if that was true and then sent a butler to drag me back home.” In the end, it hadn’t been the best Christmas he had had in his entire life. Maybe it had even been one of the worst ones.

“Oh…” This time Nikki’s smile fully dropped down, not even leaving a trace of it being there in the first place. “Well at least… think about it.”

Max nodded at that, knowing very well that thinking wouldn’t help in this situation.

When they were near the main entrance, and Max was just about to grab the handle, the door burst open and the three of them almost crashed into a figure cladded in black exiting the castle. There was a hesitation in the air when four people suddenly tried to fumble around each other, until actually all off them stopped moving altogether and Max could peek at the Potions teacher, clearly agitated, looking at them.

“Good morning, sir.” Neil said, finding the calm voice inside himself to speak, even though both Max and Nikki were still kinda surprised.

The blond-haired teacher glanced at them and frowned.

“Good morning.” Daniel mumbled, barely parting his lips as he studied each and every one of them. Then the grimace turned into a creepy smile when he glanced down at their hands. “Oh I see you finally finished your homework.”

Max absentmindedly stepped forward, getting in front of his friends and staring daggers (beautiful, poisonous daggers) at the teacher, who straightened his back and glared back.

Oh, yeah, they clearly disliked each other.

It felt like eternities passed with the two of them staring at each other, before Neil decided to butt in.

“Where are you going in such a rush, Mister Daniel?” He asked, raising his eyebrow and pointing out the fact that had got lost in their small staring combat.

The teacher blinked and then moved his gaze at Neil with his neck cracking as he tilted his head.

“Oh, I was just going to the greenhouse.” He said, mouth stretching into a smile. “David asked me for some potions and I was going to deliver them.”

Max’s eye twitched and oh! something in Daniel looking back at him told Max that the teacher had seen it.

Or worse… that he knew. That he knew all about Max’s heart, his secrets and hidden feelings and emotions.

(He hoped that Daniel could see and feel the hatred Max felt towards him.)

“So please excuse me.” Daniel chirped, then almost made a twirl around them and stomped through the fluffy snow, making new marks, to the greenhouse.

Max felt something inside of him burning and he wanted to run after Daniel to check, to see with his own eyes if what the teacher had said was true. However the soft voice of his friend brought him back to reality, tugging on his consciousness.

“Come on Max, let’s go.”

So they walked inside the castle.

***

It took two detentions before Max finally found the courage to ask:

“Did you order some potions from Mister Daniel?”

He had stopped cutting the ill leaves and now David had asked him to water the Aconites standing in the corner. David himself was dealing with the Fanged Geraniums, patting their leaves and singing softly to them as he plucked some unhealthy leaves and watered the soil beneath them.

(When Max had approached them earlier they had almost bit off his hand, but David knew how to approach them and made them act like sweet, loving puppies.)

David stopped humming and turned to Max, his hand brushing some spot on the plant’s head. Did they even have heads?

“Oh I did.” David said, grinning to him like the warm sun, even though the world was covered in a thick cover of snow and the star was hidden behind gray clouds. There was a beat of surprise levitating in the air, before another question followed. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Max said, even though he knew it was a lie. But David didn’t need to know that.

David tilted his head (the movement so similar, yet so different than whenever crazy Daniel did it) and then turned it back to the Geranium, which was nudging his hand to get him back to the petting part again.

“Daniel makes a lot of potions to help my plants live through the winter.” David added, like an afterthought or some explanation of sort.

“Can’t you make them on your own?”

“Eh…” Max glanced back to see David scratching the plant under its chin. What? “I was never good at Potions. Almost every mixture exploded in my face.”

Max snorted under his nose at that, trying to imagine young David – well, younger David – screeching with his face covered in soot and sleeves of his robe burning heavily. Well it wasn’t so impossible to believe actually.

“It’s true. I was horrible at them.” David said, giggling under his breath.

God, the sound, the sound made Max’s heart flutter painfully inside his chest.

“At least you weren’t hated by the teacher.” Max added, glancing back but quickly turning back to move the stream of water to another pot.

“Daniel doesn’t hate you.”

“Yeah, right.” Max prolonged the last word, bending down a little to move the watering can a little bit further back. “And he totally isn’t looking like he wants to kill me all the time.”

There was a beat of silence, a brief moment filled with nothingness, before David spoke.

“Daniel just… has this kind of face. It doesn’t mean he hates you though.”

“Lie to yourself then.” Max said, not being able to bite his tongue in time to maybe even think that this kind of tone was not proper while talking with the teacher.

But David only huffed in reply and there was a soft whisper leaving his mouth:

“I don’t understand why no one believes me.”

***

To be fair, Max had asked his parents if he had to return home for Christmas. And two days later he got a reply, written in a gold ink on a brand new parchment.

We expect you home, Maxwell.

Nothing more, nothing less. So yeah, that was a giant ‘no’.

“And what did they say?’ Nikki asked, peeking from above the table at the paper in his hands.

Max passed her the letter and then occupied himself with eating his breakfast. It didn’t take long for Nikki to scan the letter, before a frown appeared on her face, wrinkling her forehead.

“They are a bunch of assholes.” Neil said, munching on a toast, next to Max. He probably already knew what they had written to him, even without reading. Max’s façade probably gave it out.

“Yeah…” Nikki mumbled and passed Max the parchment.

Max crumpled the letter and then took out his wand to cast a simple Incendio on it. The parchment lit up, burning thoroughly with quite a big flame, maybe too big for comfort. It was probably Max’s anger which was causing this, but he didn’t mind.

He expected it, yet he was disappointed.

So he watched the paper burn with kind of weird satisfaction sparkling in his eyes. Nikki shouted excitedly on the other side of the table and Neil only shook his head, but with a grin on his lips too. Many, many other heads turned to them, especially as the parchment was heavily burning on the table now, popping loudly every few seconds and shooting small, black scraps in the air, which were still being consumed by the sizzling fire even in the air.

Well, the fun had to be cut loose by a voice speaking above them.

“Max, Neil, Nikki, what is the meaning of this!?”

Oh Max knew this voice, he knew it pretty well.

Max only tilted his head back to stare at a kinda pissed, but mostly confused look on David’s face. His hands were rested on his hips as his eyes jumped from every one of them, only to rest back again at Max. The intensity of his gaze made Max’s throat clench.

Fuck!

“Eh, we’re…” Nikki started, prolonging every word. “… practicing?”

Suave, Nikki, very suave!

David blinked and then looked back at the girl.

“Practicing?” He parroted, rising his eyebrow.

“Uhm yeah for…” Nikki glanced at her side.

“For Defence Against the Dark Arts!” Neil next to them spoke up, glancing up at their teacher. “We are… going over some spells today.”

“Uh totally!” Nikki added, grinning from ear to ear and staring at David.

Max was… really impressed. The lie came out pretty good.

“Right…” David said, eyeing them all once again, only to let out a giant sigh. “Just… don’t do it in the Great Hall, please.”

“Sure can do!”

And with that David walked away to the teacher’s table with his green, dirty robe swishing after him.

Max let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and then glanced at his friends.

“Well that went better than expected.”

The letter was still smoldering in the middle of the table.

***

With every day closer to Christmas Max was feeling worse and worse. It wasn’t even the giddy atmosphere in the air, it wasn’t the decorations scattered around the school (though yeah, the sparkling, colorful chains could be at fault here, because damn who had put them in bathrooms), it wasn’t the whole idea of the holiday per se that irritated him…

It was the anticipation clearly emanating from almost everyone. Every student was waiting for it, was counting the days till the break, was conversing loudly about plans – was doing everything with such big smiles on their faces that it made Max grimace.

But he wasn’t anticipating it. If he had to be perfectly honest, he wanted the holidays to finally be over.

Getting out of the buzzing with life school to hide in the greenhouse was comforting. Though Max wasn’t particularly sure if the calmness wasn’t only coming from the plants, but also from the redhead accompanying him there.

Because if he had to be honest, with some strange part of himself, David’s presence was comforting.

There were times when they worked in silence. David could feel whenever Max wasn’t in the mood to talk or when he preferred to listen. He didn’t push him to converse, he didn’t push him to do things. Once when Max had been particularly tired, he let him take a nap on the bench for the whole duration of detention without even uttering a word.

David’s soft hums trailing after him were soothing Max’s mind, his kind smiles directed at every plant, like they all were his best friends, were kinda adorable, his calm eyes whenever he explained something to Max were simply alluring – just the whole atmosphere of this place, the soft buzzes of water running somewhere, the delicate brushes of leaves above them, the flutters of wings coming from the birds perked up at the roof –

It all was mesmerizing.

(Though Max would deny thinking like that if someone asked.)

“Why the gloomy face?” David asked, giving Max quite enormous shears.

For a few seconds Max contemplated whether he should tell the man the truth, while he was playing with the gardening tool. In the end he snapped them hard and murmured:

“It’s because of Christmas.”

David stood up and pushed a wooden crate far under his desk.

“You hate Christmas, Max?”

“It’s not that I hate it.” Max said and then looked away. “I just… hate everything that comes with it.”

David turned to him, blinking a few times.

“Like the Christmas trees?”

“Like my parents.” Max quickly clarified, though yeah, some Christmas trees were quite too colorful to his liking.

“What about them?” David asked, tilting his head and grabbing his gloves from the desk to slip them on.

“Because they are a bunch of selfish pricks who drag me around parties, so we all can pretend that we are a big, happy family.” And they were not.

“Oh…” David murmured, glancing up at him, only to cast his gaze away the very next second.

They stepped out from David’s office into the main part of the greenhouse and walked through it. The bucket was hitting David’s leg with every step he took. There was some hesitation swarming in the air between them as they moved to the Wormwoods planted in long pots.

“Can’t you stay at school for the break then?” David finally asked, glancing at Max who had started to cut off the small branches, so they could be dried and turned into a Potion ingredient.

Max shook his head and then snapped the shears. Even though the branches were tini-tiny, it took a hella lot of strength to cut them off. Mighty little beasts.

(David had admitted that he didn’t like doing it, so Max had said that he would do it for him, though he also felt kinda bad for the poor plants.)

“If that was so easy, I wouldn’t return home at all.” Max mumbled and then, like an afterthought, he added. “Nikki invited me over to her home for Christmas.”

Why had he said that!? The words unconsciously had slipped past his lips, without his brain even fully processing whether he even should tell them! Boom and they had been out of his lips! Why, oh why!? David probably didn’t care about that!

It wasn’t like he even wanted to share this information! Why the words were suddenly leaving his lips so smoothly, with ease, when usually a crowbar was needed to crack him open!

David turned to him, stopping digging the ground for a second.

“Oh Max, that’s amazing! You totally should go!”

At that Max only could scoff.

“Yeah, that is not going to happen.”

“Why not? I’m sure if you explain the situation to your parents then –“

“No, David, you don’t understand. They won’t let me go to Nikki.” Max huffed, this time snapping a branch with one clean cut. The leaves fluttered under the force of the shears as Max’s voice rose a bit. “Because they are assholes who think they are above everyone else, especially people like Nikki. And they won’t let their precious son even identify with them.” He spited the words. The ‘precious’ and ‘son’ almost immediately burned his tongue and, oh God, it sounded so wrong to even think that they could talk about him like that.

(Maybe a few years ago it would have hurt him, but not now. Now he knew the truth and the words didn’t hurt, but brought him a kinda sick satisfaction.)

“Oh…” David mumbled.

Max felt that the teacher was staring at him, but he didn’t have it in himself to lift his head up.

For a few minutes they worked in silence – not the usual calm one, but a more vibrating one, because Max was still fuming with anger. His movements weren’t as steady as before and now he cut the branches using definitely too much force, but damn, he had to do something with his hands now.

He was mad.

Because, damn, he wanted to go to Nikki and not return back to the cold, empty and too pristine house he should call home, but was so far away from even mentioning it like one.

Even staying at school would be better. Hell, anything would be better.

(He honestly thought spending it with crazy Daniel would be better than returning home, but well, he had to think it over for a little bit more.)

“Can’t you say that you are forced to stay at school?” David quietly asked, eyes looking at him with worry hiding inside them.

Max swallowed slowly and moved the shears away from a branch that he wanted to cut next.

“No, that won’t work. I already tried. But they wanted some kind of confirmation and hell, I didn’t have that.” He mumbled. “Though now maybe I could fake some letter from a teacher.”

Because back when he had tried he had been a third year and hadn’t known that many spells. But now – as a sixth year – he could maybe know some useful ones. His mind was already swirling with ideas. Yeah, if he asked Neil for help then this could definitely work.

“No, Max, please don’t do it. If the school finds out that you faked a formal teacher’s letter you could be expelled.”

“Well, shit.”

This didn’t sound good. The last thing he wanted was being forced to spend the whole year at home. Yeah, this wasn’t really worth it.

Though maybe…

No, better not.

“So yeah, now you killed my last chances of getting out of my house, so thanks.” Max mumbled, glancing at his teacher with his mouth twitching, forming something like a smirk.

David looked at him and pouted. Pouted! Damn, he looked like a kicked puppy! A very sad, miserable kicked puppy, with drooping ears.

Max didn’t mean it!

But somehow apologizing would be kinda weird in this situation, and so un-Max like so he only turned around and moved the metal blades to another branch.

However leaving it like that didn’t seem too good either.

“Don’t dwell so much on it.” Max finally stated after few minutes. “I’m used to it.”

And somehow the look David gave him now made Max think that maybe it was the wrong thing to say in the end.

Somehow Max totally forgot that he had called David by his first name.

***

“What do you want for Christmas, Max?” Nikki asked, not really lifting up her head from the essay with which she had been dealing for at least two hours now. And she still missed two inches of text.

“Nothing.” Max said, and well, that was true. “And you?”

“A baby platypus.”

“A baby what?” Neil asked, rising his head from the book and looking kinda surprised. Okay, maybe very surprised. Bewildered even.

“A baby platypus.” Nikki said, puffing out her chest proudly. “You never wanted one?”

Neil glanced at Max, who could only shrug in reply.

“Not really.” The taller teen said. “But maybe you want something that is more… available?”

Nikki groaned and then laid her head down on the table between them.

“You’re no fun, guys. But okay, I’ll come up with something less cool!” She hummed and then looked up at the ceiling. The pen with which she had written (she despised using quill and getting ink all over her parchment and hands) landed between her mouth and nose as she swung back and forth on her chair.

She did it for almost three or so minutes, before she returned to them.

“Maybe a new bat!”

Max glanced at Neil who nodded in reply. This seemed like a good idea. They could buy a more expensive one together.

Neil’s present was easy. A book and he would be content with it. Though maybe after six years it could get boring and kinda predictable, but to be honest Neil insisted on them buying him books. He would simply just state what title he wanted.

That’s why his present was already secured under Max’s bed. No one really dared to even snoop around his things, so that was the safest place in the castle.

Though getting Nikki’s present two weeks before Christmas will be kinda though, but not impossible.

If he had to be honest, Max kinda liked buying Christmas gifts. Or well, maybe not buying it, because he hated the crowd that always occupied every shop near this day of the year. It was suffocating with bodies pressed close to you, pushing you around like some kind of a rag doll – when you only wanted to buy one thing that you already had in your hands.

But no, people were vicious.

So yeah, Max didn’t like buying presents per se, but giving them. Well, he hadn’t found it out until… well until he had actually started hanging out with Nikki and Neil.

(He kinda liked seeing the smiles stretching over their lips, accompanied by a soft glint sparkling inside their eyes.)

However receiving presents was something totally different. He liked them (he would even dare to say that he even loved them), but he always felt uncomfortable when he was opening a package for him. Only for him. Bought and packed just for him.

This idea was so weird, that it always made Max simply… freeze.

Gladly he doubted his parents would get him anything or anything nice for that matter. They rarely exchanged presents and Max was okay with that. He didn’t even want to get them anything.

(Because gifts were something special.)

Max lifted his head when he heard Nikki groan loudly, messing her hair with the pen sticking out of her mouth. Oh she still didn’t finish the essay.

“Neil, do you think –“

“No.” Neil quickly said, flipping a page of his book.

Max snorted under his nose as he put his elbow on the table and then leaned his chin on his hand. He glanced at the blond haired boy with one raised eyebrow.

Neil looked at him and then gazed at Nikki, who was now staring at him with puppy eyes. Max didn’t even have to see the girl to know she was doing it. Neil’s slowly crumbling certainty, clearly visible on his façade, was enough for a proof.

In the end, Max knew what would happen.

Neil sighed and then moved closer to the desk.

“Show me the book.”

***

David was acting weird.

Okay, David was one of the weirdest teachers in the school. Daniel wasn’t weird, Daniel was creepy. Gwen wasn’t weird, Gwen was… well, Max wasn’t even sure how to describe her. Probably irritating.

But David was beyond the scale. With him being optimistic and smiling at everyone he passed on the corridor, he had to earn himself a place beyond the scale.

(At first Max had hated it, his mind hadn’t been able to stand the optimism clearly seeping from him, radiating warmness and happiness around. But with time –)

However David wasn’t always like that. There were times when his mood was down, when he would still smile at students he passed in corridors, but with something terribly forced behind the sparkling eyes.

It repeated itself every year. To this point every student knew it was there. Winter – near Christmas – always brought a significant drop of the Herbology teacher’s mood. And people would blame it on the man being sad that so many students would move away for the break. But Max knew it wasn’t true. Because if it was, the same thing would happen near summer. But it didn’t, so that simply couldn’t be true. There had to be different reasons.

But no one asked and Max wouldn’t be the first one to do so. Even though he kinda wanted to.

He had noticed the differences between David’s smiles, getting smaller and smaller with every passing day, closer to Christmas. He had seen the light – the spark, the burning with passion flame – disappearing from his eyes, dimming out, getting smaller, tiny with every passing minute. He had noticed the shoulders dropping down, the posture freezing, the heavy, gray, dirty, disgusting bags appearing under his eyes.

No one knew the reasons, but everyone knew it was happening.

So Max hadn’t been surprised to see David with the similar symptoms whenever he had visited him for detention. He had seen David locking himself out, he had seen the light slowly disappearing from the eyes, he had seen David losing focus and staring at nothing in general, but in the same time looking like he was reliving thousands of memories altogether.

Max had seen it all.

(And even though his heart hurt, he couldn’t do much about it)

So he was quite surprised when one day – very close to Christmas – he stepped into the greenhouse to the image of David smiling from ear to ear.

Yeah, that was a peculiar sight.

“Hey, Max. We have a beautiful day today, don’t you think?”

Max could only stare back as he got rid of his jacket, only to throw it in a random direction as always. It landed on a chair standing in the corner.

“If by beautiful you mean cold as…” Ah, not a curse word, not a curse word. But it still was David. “… shit, then you’re right.”

David chuckled, peeking at him from behind a tall tree. Even though it was freezing outside, it was always warm inside the greenhouse. It felt like the outside weather – the whole world – had no ability to control this glass building. Every snowflake on a jacket immediately died while stepping inside, every rain drop disappeared in the atmosphere, every sun ray was doubled while getting through the vitreous ceiling.

“It could be cold, but it’s still nice.”

“Tell yourself that.”

David was smiling for the whole day. He was humming some sickening, sweet song under his nose, moving around the greenhouse to the rhythm of the beat.

Seeing him in such a good mood near the Christmas break was well… definitely weird.

And Max couldn’t tear his gaze away. Of course he couldn’t. He couldn’t look away from the sudden, positive spark dancing in David’s eyes. He couldn’t stop staring at the pink, stretched lips. He couldn’t stop looking at the body moving from one corner to the other, with hips occasionally tilting and swirling to the beat of the music coming from the earphones.

It felt like every worry was lifted from David’s shoulders, who moved unpredictably, swirling the wand around and rearranging things. His hand delicately touched every flower, every leaf, every branch, accompanied by soft words leaving his mouth. The plants swirled around him, some even moved when he touched them, leaning into his caring touch and soft words.

Even the most dangerous ones – a Venomous Tentacula – curled one of its vines around David’s wrist when he tried to move his hand away after petting it, only to bring it back.

David laughed – that stupid, honest, and just so beautiful laugh and…

Max’s hand twitched and he accidentally spilled some soil onto the ground. Well it was soil and it was on the ground, so there wasn’t much he could do, only kick it around.

“Everything okay?” David asked from the other side of the greenhouse, giggling when the vine around his hand moved higher and tickled his cheek.

For Max it would be terrifying and, to be honest, he was keeping himself as far away from the venomous and quite fatal plant as he could. But David was treating it like a child.

(Max even once had seen him playing with it by throwing colorful hoops on the vines! Like how!? Max was sure that the plant would attack anyone who would get too close to it, but David was patting it with no problems.)

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Just really fucking astonished, Max concluded, staring with wide eyes at the vine that slowly started to retract itself from David’s cheek. Creepy. “I just… noticed that you are in a very good mood today.”

The red haired teacher blinked and then like some kind of an understanding appeared on his face, or maybe some kind or revelation, because he turned to the Tentacula and scratched it under one curly vine.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” The man stated, mouth still smiling.

There was another brief silence between them – in which Max managed to put the pot down and start pouring seeds onto the soil in it.

“Is it bad? I mean me… being happy.” David suddenly asked, voice weirdly quiet and empty of all the happiness it had possessed a few seconds ago.

He asked this question like he expected Max to know why he usually was so sad around this time of the year. But Max didn’t know why David was acting like that – no one really knew – so he wasn’t sure how to answer.

But then David glanced at him, some weird fear hiding behind his lush, green, like forest in the morning eyes and Max decided he didn’t like it. He didn’t like seeing David so devastated, so lost, so empty of all these positive vibes that were clearly vibrating in his core.

“No.” Max licked his lips. “It’s not bad. I think most of us prefer to see you smiling than moping around.”

Max quickly looked away, not being able to stare back at the teacher. There was a swelling sensation in his chest – spreading from the center of his body, to his fingers and toes, and making him very aware of everything around him.

A lone bird chirped as it landed on the window ceiling above them.

“Thank you, Max. It really means a lot.”

For the rest of the detention they didn’t talk much, only worked in comfortable silence, with the humid, warm atmosphere floating between them. Soon after David returned to humming under his nose and Max’s muscles relaxed to this point he almost forgot that it was his last detention before he will have to move back to his home for the break.

Unfortunately the thought returned when David grinned at him and said:

“I hope you’ll have a happy break!”

Max stopped buttoning his coat and glanced at his teacher with one raised eyebrow.

“I doubt that any time spent with my parents could be called happy… but thanks.” He said. “You too, Mister David.”

The man blinked at that and tilted his head, like he was unsure about something or was recalling some memory. But the lost look quickly disappeared and the same soft, kinda childish grin started to dance in the corner of his lips.

“I have a feeling you’ll enjoy this break, Max!”

Max doubted it, but decided not to repeat himself out loud.

***

“Max, are you sure you really can’t come over, even for a day?” Nikki asked, staring at him again with these puppy eyes. “Even Neil is coming over for one day!”

Neil looked at her from above his book and sighed.

“Nikki, you’re making me sound like I don’t want to go.”

“Shhh, Neil.”

Max looked up from his half-eaten breakfast.

“Nikki, you know if I could I would leave my folks behind and go right to your house.” Max said and then moved the sausage around on his plate. “But they expect me home tomorrow.”

He could escape his home and go to Nikki for one day, but to be honest he didn’t really want to know what his parents would do in this situation. And he didn’t want to give Nikki more problems than she already had.

And Max’s parents were vengeful.

Nikki opened her mouth, but Neil shook his head, so she closed it and looked down at her empty plate.

Max looked up at her. He hated seeing her so down. The grimace didn’t fit her face, a grin, stretched from ear to ear fitted her more.

“Listen, Nikki –“

But the rest of his words – he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to say in the end – were killed when something smacked Max right in the face. He cursed loudly, then opened his eyes when he heard a loud flapping sound and glanced down.

Oh, a letter.

A letter? One day before Christmas?

Max immediately recognized the envelope – the fancy yellowish paper with a few black swirls in two corners. His parents had written him a letter. But why? One day before Christmas? What could they want more? Did they want him to go back home early?

Max furrowed his eyebrows, grabbed the envelope and turned it. With his fingers he bent the paper and took out the parchment resting inside.

One heart beat – and he flung it open.

There was silence above them as Max’s eyes moved through the words, sentences, fast, faster and faster with every second. He knew Nikki and Neil were glancing at him curiously, even trying to look at what his parents had written to him, but Max moved the letter closer to his eyes, because he couldn’t believe it. Because this couldn’t be true!

His heart beat so fast, so heavily, so loud inside his chest and ears and, oh God, it was painful, it really hurt, but the pain was drowned by the happiness quickly spreading from the center of his body to all his nerves, making him almost shiver with excitement running through his blood.

He couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be true! But if it was true, then –

Neil grabbed the letter.

– someone had to help him.

“Read it out loud!” Nikki shouted from the other side of the table.

Neil cleared his throat and started reading.

“Dear Maxwell, we hope you’re doing good… blah blah blah… We met with Minister… blah blah blah…“ Neil’s eyes jumped from one paragraph to another, quickly scanning the letters written there. ”… we were very sad when we received a letter from your teacher informing us that you won’t be able to come home for the Christmas break!?” Now Neil shrieked these words out, at this point some students glanced at them, interested in what was going on there.

Nikki opened her mouth and glanced at Max.

“Of course, we would be enamored if you could return home, but we understand you now have more important things to do at school. We are so proud of you.” Neil blinked, like he couldn’t really believe what he was reading and then glanced at Max, who felt like he burst.

“… blah blah… we wish you a Merry Christmas and expect you to behave…” Neil quickly finished the letter.

The silence took over the table as everyone processed the words written there. Nikki only gaped with mouth wide open, Neil looked like his brain stopped working and Max…

Max felt like he was flying.

“But how?” Neil mumbled.

I have a feeling you’ll enjoy this break, Max!

Max quickly lifted his head to look at the teacher’s table. No, the familiar mop of red hair wasn’t there. So this meant there was only one other place where he could be.

Max quickly stood up, grabbed the letter and jumped over the bench, only to run out from the Great Hall.

“Max, where are you going?!” Neil shouted after him, but Max had no time to answer as the wind rushed past him.

Without a coat, he jumped out the castle, feeling the coldness trying to nip on his cheeks and eyelids, but he didn’t care. His heart worked so hard, pushing blood through his veins that he barely even felt a hint of the cold which tried to slow him down.

But he felt like he could soar.

The greenhouse was getting bigger and bigger with every step that was bringing him closer and closer – his brain was a mess, a tangled, swirling mess!

Max grabbed the door, panting like crazy, and he swung them open, almost crashing them into the wall. The glass shivered heavily, but gladly remained in its place.

And David was there, in the middle of the greenhouse, taking off his dirty gloves.

“Oh, hey Max. What are you doing here so ear–“

“Did you do it?!” Max shouted, stepping inside and quickly moving to David.

“What did I do?” The red haired male asked, tilting his head.

Max marched forward, faster and faster with every second, with heart beating heavily and so so loudly in his ears that it drowned all other sounds. In just a few steps he was in front of David, definitely invading his personal space (which he wasn’t sure David actually had). The man took a small step back, but his façade didn’t change. It looked more like an automatic response than anything else.

Max was close, so close that he could count every small freckle on David’s cheeks.

“My parents? What did you tell my parents?” Max asked, taking another step forward, leaning close, closer. He was so close that he could smell the soil residing on David’s coat.

The teacher blinked.

“Oh.” He said and then licked his lips, suddenly looking unsure, hesitant, with eyes darting to the side. “Well… you looked quite devastated when you talked about returning home. So I wrote to them and told that you are a part of a very important project and have to stay at school to work on it.” David exhaled slowly through his nose and Max felt a movement near his chest. “I’m sorry, I thought that would make you happy.” The teacher sucked in his bottom lip and bit it, eyes returning to Max. “I’m sorry, if you want me to write to them –”

Max wasn’t a person who liked personal contact. Okay, yeah, maybe that was wrong. He didn’t like people touching him and vice versa when he didn’t know them. When he knew someone and liked them he wouldn’t mind some high-fives, small ruffles of hair here and there, or even tiny hugs – especially from Nikki.

With David it was different. When Max had noticed the change in his feelings, he deliberately had tried not to get too close to David, because he wasn’t sure he could control himself around the man.

But there were times when his urges and emotions took over his brain, shutting down all logical ways of thinking.

And before his mind could even whisper that maybe it was wrong, that maybe he shouldn’t do it, that maybe he would reveal his feelings, he simply moved unconsciously. Something in him snapped and before he could even process what was happening his hands were moving, wrapping themselves around David and bringing him in for a hug – a tight embrace that resonated inside his bones with shivers running down his spine.

David squeaked – or at least it sounded like that – before his mouth was pressed tightly into Max’s shirt as the boy tightened his hold on the man.

A silence spread between them – a thick, kinda heavy silence in which Max could hear every soft movement, every delicate whisper of a plant, every far away chirp of a bird. He could hear and feel David’s breath on his shirt. He could sense David’s heartbeat speeding up, only for it to slowly – step after step – return to its normal pace of beating.

“Max?” David’s finally asked, tilting his head, so he could speak. The movement made David’s hairs tickle Max’s nose and, oh, he was burying his face in the fluffy red curls.

Max had to say something, but he didn’t know what. He felt like every word, sentence, idea wasn’t enough. Like no matter what he would say, it still wouldn’t be enough.

“Thank you.” Max finally murmured into David’s hair, feeling the warmness inside his chest boiling, getting bigger and bigger with every second to the point Max was sure he could explode. “Thank you.”

There was another moment of silence in which nothing happened, but then there was shuffling near Max’s body and he felt a soft touch of David’s hands on his back.

“No problem.” David’s mumbled.

At this point Max’s brain finally started to catch up with the flow of the events. Max was hugging David – his teacher. Someone could see them! And get the wrong idea! And then David could have problems!

But damn, he didn’t want to move away, he didn’t want to get away from the warmness seeping from David’s body into his bones, he didn’t want to move away from the ghost of a hot breath coming from the red haired male, he didn’t want to lose the feeling of the body beneath his palms.

He wanted to stay like that for few more seconds, maybe minutes, maybe –

No, he had to move away.

So with a heavy heart, Max untangled his palms from David’s waist and slowly stepped away. The feeling of the teacher’s hands leaving his back made his stomach drop and, damn, how he wanted to step forward and return to what they had had a few seconds ago.

David’s face was hinted with pink color, smeared over his cheeks like some kind of paint, but he didn’t look fazed by the situation. Had so many students suddenly hugged him that he had stopped being fazed by it?

(Max didn’t really like that idea, but David was known for listening to everyone.)

David’s hair was kinda ruffled, with the strands sticking in weird directions, even weirder ones than usual.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still can’t let you go to Nikki for the whole break, but… two or three days won’t hurt anyone.” David said, the same goofy smirk returning to his lips.

And, God, Max wasn’t sure he could fall more for that man.

Yet he did.

TBC

#Maxvid #Mavid #Hogwart!AU #my art?#my stories?#Wait For It #It took me way too long to finish xDDD

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