#and fucking hell. i've had to rearrange the contents of both cases and have had uneven amounts in each

[slippery-minghus]

sometimes i look at things my mom has done... simple tasks.... and i see where the intellectual delays/disability i fought tooth and nail to overcome growing up came from.... 💀

#no joke my mother is the stupidest person i've ever met #like not even trying to be mean (much) #personal #so like. before she left she wanted to know if there was anything she could do for me that would be helpful #so i asked her to fill my pill cases - i have two for my nightly meds so i only have to fill them twice a month #i take four meds at night. one of each. pretty straightforward #...right? #but this woman is incapable of any sort of planning-forethought #so even though i explained it clearly i realized as i was explaining it that it mightve been too complicated a task for her #(how this woman survived this long i don't know. sheer boomer hutzpah i guess) #but she has a huge complex about being made to feel incompetent so i left her to figure it out #and lo and behold #it's a DAMN good thing i always actually LOOK at what just poured out from the case before i take it #(bc i'm not immune to mistakes either but... i'm just. careful not to make them to begin with.) #(and there's one med i cant skip and another that if i accidentally take two i'll be so ill i can't go to work) #so. i check. #and fucking hell. i've had to rearrange the contents of both cases and have had uneven amounts in each #like HOW is it too hard to count out 14 pills #to do that four times and drop them one at a time into a little box #i know she wouldve had her glasses on and was in a well lit space so that was no excuse #just like #it frustrates me bc this is exactly why i developed my own tendencies to be so careful #bc if i wasn't and just took the handful of pills that was due to pop out in a few days? i'd be fucked and wouldnt know why #i'm so frustrated by this bc it's just such a glaring reminder of the incompetence i was raised under and had to learn very early on #not only to compensate for but also to expertly dance around and never point out lest mother's mental house of cards catch a slight draft #and crumble to the ground #she KNOWS she's incompetent and makes sure everyone ELSE knows it too but donT YOU DARE treat her like she's incompetent #you'd better make sure yo give her tasks she's not up for! and then when she does a shit job you better not outwardly acknowledge it's shit! #even though you both know that it is!!! #fucking hell no wonder i'm so afraid of acting w/o deliberate care + attention!! bc look at the disgusting outcomes that happen if you dont!