#and how broken trust and hurt drives her to try to become the evil version of herself she has feared she really is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misedejem · 6 years

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Fire

AO3

Word Count: 2202

All ten of those people had something buried deep in their thoughts that they would rather not think about. So they kept them hidden, put on a brave face, and went about their lives like everything was okay.

But Anne was oh so curious to learn what those somethings were.

Sort of a companion piece to this painting I did for Bravely Second’s anniversary. Spoilers for Bravely Second up to the end of Chapter 4.

I see fire in those eyes! How do I put it? They’ve a strong sense of duty. Like whatever you start, you’ll always see through, no matter what!

It’s why I know I can trust you. You’re the type of person who will keep going, no matter how many times he’s taken down. You’re the kind of human who looks at the world, sees the hell it has become, and wants to make it better, even after it’s slighted you so many times. Because you see your own failings every time you consider what your family has done, and you know that you would never be able to live with the guilt if you let your father’s victims clean up his mess, would you? And every time your resolve begins to fail, you just need to look back on everything you’ve done and realise that it’s far too late to turn back now. I mean, at this point, you’re not really much better than they are, right? Is that why you wear that mask? Ah, I understand now. You hide your face because you can’t bring yourself to look at it, knowing it’s become the face of a monster.

You’re an interesting one. At first, I thought it was just survivors guilt that drives you, but no… At this point I think it’s just because you don’t want to feel like such a failure anymore. You failed to protect your family, after all. You thought that maybe you should have died along with them, but you failed to do that as well. And now, over and over, you try everything you can to bring them back, to make up for your failings, but you can’t do it. It causes you so much pain, watching the things you’ve made suffer and die because you want to play god and create life, but you’re just not good enough to do it. I’ve seen you go days without sleep, tearing your hair out over those books of yours. You poor thing… You put on this façade, hiding your face, throwing away your name, speaking with another’s voice, because it’s the only way you can bear to face the day, knowing that the you that survived that attack all those years ago is too weak and helpless to be of use to anyone.

You might be the hardest to read. You’re always so… vivacious. It’s overwhelming to be around you. It’s kinda impressive to see someone who isn’t even a person so full of life. I wonder, does that ever get to you? The fact that you only exist because somebody wanted so badly to bring back someone she actually cares about? Oh, I get it. That’s why you’re so devoted to her. It’s because you know that if you don’t prove you’re worth something, she’s only going to see you as a symbol of her own uselessness, isn’t it? I mean, you’re a failed experiment. But I guess you retain something from who you were, or I guess who you were meant to be, so that’s something. You have a personality and memories, so you weren’t entirely pointless. Only now, the hatred and fear that all those people felt when you were human is a hundredfold. Now you’re a creature who defies all nature. Not only are you terrifying, difficult to talk to, completely out of your depth, a danger to others and so many other awful things, but you’re also a living incarnation of how not to use the worst kinds of power. What’s it like to exist knowing that you are literally emblematic of mankind’s greatest mistakes?

You’re afraid, aren’t you? I mean, it’s easy to see by how much you cling to the people here - desperate for them to like you - that you’re afraid of what’s going to happen if they decide they don’t. I understand why. In the past, you’ve been nothing but a nuisance, a common stray that people only tolerate because they don’t have it in them to kill something as pathetic as you. Now, someone offers you a hand and a home, and you really don’t want to let go. Finally, you’ve found people who accept you for what you are, and for the first time in so long, you have a family. Except… You remember what happened with your last family, don’t you? You failed your mother. You couldn’t be what she wanted you to be, so she abandoned you, and every single time you slip up now, you know that this new family are just edging closer and closer to dropping you like she did. But you keep messing up, don’t you? You just want to laze about and be fawned over, but you know that’s not what your purpose here is, so every time you end up slacking off, because it’s not something you can help, you end up making people angry. And before you know it, they’ll have you back in that box in the desert, wishing you were dead.

And as for you… Well, to be honest, you’re so insufferable that most people would rather just forget you even exist. You know that, right? The only reason you’re even here is because you’re good at one thing, and that one thing isn’t exactly a desirable trait, is it? Who on earth is going to care about a girl who is only good at killing things? If that? Failing to kill that boy really threw you off your game, didn’t it? People praised you for trying, but you could hear the disappointment in their voices, as the last hope the people who trusted you had in you died. At what point will this one boon of yours become a burden, like all your other qualities have? You’re too scary, too vulgar, too clingy, too obsessive, too much of a let-down in everything that you do. And you wonder why nobody loves you? Why your superiors keep you far, far away from them? It’s because you take advantage of people’s kindness and aren’t good enough to give anything in return.

I’ve really enjoyed seeing how you’ve changed. I mean, you’ve completely broken down, haven’t you? It’s hilarious to see how far you’ve fallen! You managed to make people believe you were actually that arrogant for a long time though, so I suppose I have to hand it to you there, but now the cracks are starting to show and finally you’re showing the world your true colours. You pretend to be so full of yourself, because you need to kid yourself that you’re worth a damn, even though you know you aren’t. You try to love yourself because who else will? Once everybody who admires you realises what kind of person you really are, they’ll stop devoting their affections towards you and leave you all alone. Ah, I see. That’s why you push everyone away. Loss hurts less when neither party cares about the other. You were preparing yourself for this moment all along. Aww, but it didn’t work, did it? I mean, you weren’t strong enough to stop yourself falling for her and getting hurt when she left you behind. And it’s destroying you. You can’t keep up this façade much longer, can you? Pretty soon you’ll have to accept the truth. You’re not perfect at all. You hate yourself, and everybody else hates you too.

You’re the result of decades of remorse pressing in on you from all sides until you lost everything that made you who you were. It’s not like you figuratively died with half the world’s population or anything though, more like you were reshaped. You’re still the man who killed fifty percent of all human life on this planet because of his own misgivings, and then because of his overwhelming anger and guilt. Only now you’re a twisted version of that man, driven far, far beyond breaking point by his own regret. You’re so horrifying that it’s a wonder anybody can even call you a human. Why on earth are you even still alive? To atone for what you did? You know that isn’t possible. You’ve hurt so many people that you could go back and undo it all a thousand times and you still wouldn’t be absolved. Just look at your son. You trapped him in that metal prison because you couldn’t bear to accept that you killed him because you were careless. Was making that poor boy suffer once not enough? Was anything you’ve done since that awful day worth it at all?

It’s obvious that you’re having a hard time coming to terms with your situation. Is it reminding you of that time all those years ago, when the people you thought could make this world a better place resorted to violence and murder to have their way? Like then, all you can do now is watch, wide eyed, as the awful people you’ve allied yourself with wreak havoc everywhere they go, doing all the things you resent about this world. You can’t bear to see it, so you try to police them, and act like you’re better than them in the hopes that it will make you feel better about everything they’re doing, but at the end of the day you know that as long as you’re their ally, you are just as guilty as they are. There’s blood on your hands now, and you see it every time you stop to consider yourself, a holy man in white robes spattered with red. And the worst part… Well, lately you’ve realised you’re becoming complacent. You’ve finally realised that killing the boy might be a necessary evil. And the very thought is causing so much conflict in you that it’s tearing you apart.

I’ve always wondered if you’re happy with what you are. I mean, it must suck, being stuck like that until somebody puts you to rest. You can’t grow up, you can’t feel, you can’t smell or taste. Isn’t that what makes someone human? And you’ll never forget what it’s like to die. It hurt a lot, didn’t it? It was the most terrifying thing a person could go through. But, even though you know it’s his fault, you can’t bring yourself to hate him? I wonder… You know, you’ve been really determined lately. Everybody else, they’ve kind of deflated, but you’re still going strong. Is it because you know the pain everybody else went through when they died? Is it because you know how much that girl hurt your daddy when she killed him? You alone know how much they all suffered, so it does make sense that you want revenge so badly. Hmm… Thinking about it, it’s not weird at all that you don’t resent this form you take now, because with it, you can live on. The others won’t ever have that. I totally get it now! You feel guilty! You’re guilty that your father gave you a second chance at life, and now he’s dead and there’s nothing, nothing at all, that you can do for him in return.

And finally we have you. You’re the angriest one of them all aren’t you? Does it frustrate you that you haven’t been able to avenge your parents’ deaths yet? How many times have you been unable to kill him? It’s really starting to make you mad, isn’t it? Why can’t you have your way? Why can’t he see your reasons? Why can’t you shake this little part of you that keeps telling you that this isn’t what you want? Maybe the reason you haven’t had your revenge is because you can’t do it? After all this time, you just can’t bring yourself to hurt him, because every time you try you remember that he wants to be your friend. You’re weak. You’re letting feelings get in the way of life or death. You’re letting a brief friendship take precedence over the deaths of innocent people. What kind of selfish person would do that? You’re losing your drive, you know, and if you lose that then you’re useless. Thousands of people, including your parents, and the man who was like one when you had nobody else, all would have died in vain if you can’t murder one stupid, weak, unimportant little boy. And yet, when the time comes, you know you won’t be able to swing your blade.

And yet, despite it all, there was still fire in their eyes. They hated themselves. Hated the world. But they still grasped onto this one tiny lifeline I gave them, and they rose to incredible heights to try and do something to make this hell they called home a better place.

But at the end of the day, they were my puppets.

And you know the thing about puppets is they only look like they have free will until you look closely. Then, when you see the strings, you’ll know that everything they do is down to their puppeteer.

Oh, and another thing about puppets… You see, like most things in this world, when you expose them to fire, they can’t contain it. So in the end, they burn…

And they turn to ash.

#bravely second #misede writes

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jmyamigliore · 4 years

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Reiki Wilmington Nc Staggering Useful Tips

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#Reiki Wilmington Nc Staggering Useful Tips #Vel Symbol Reiki

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lamiaward · 7 years

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I don’t own OUAT.

Summary: Emma has disappeared. As Emma’s family frantically searches the town in order to find her, they remain unaware of the danger in their midst. The Evil Queen is not killed at all, but instead has managed to turn the saviour into a swan and trap her. Will her family be able to get her back( and stop the evil queen from doing something worse?)

After Regina had managed to pick herself up, only keeping herself from going after the queen because her magic was malfunctioning so much she could not even properly teleport , they stalk towards the car. Or actually, Regina tries to stalk but stumbles sometimes and Emma sort of waddles until Regina picks her up and carries her.

The driving style is less maniacal , but Emma is even more worried than she had been when Regina had still been driving like she wanted to kill them both. She has never seen Regina like this and it scares her. She is accustomed to always seeing Regina fight, not to this quiet version of her that holds trembling hands on the steering wheel and bites her lips.

She only hesitates for a moment before creeping towards Regina. She watches Regina for any signs of discomfort, but there are none as she slowly curls on Regina’s lap. In fact, Regina seems to slowly relax, her eyes less unsure and frightened. And yeah, everything still sucks but at least they are a team. Emma will just have to trust that they will beat the odds again. That is not difficult at all.

They are almost at the house when there is a large purple smoke, the sudden movement of the car yanks Emma from her half-sleep and Regina curses, once. Emma honks in protest when there is smoke around her and Regina has suddenly disappeared. Then there is darker smoke around her and she feels herself being yanked forward, then dropped on the street.

Regina glares at the queen for that. “ Keep your magic away from her”.

The queen just ignores her, and Emma quickly walks to Regina as recognizes the look in Regina’s eyes. It is the look she has when risking herself for Henry. She positions herself in front of Regina and immediately feels a heeled boot gently push her away. “Do not be foolish , Emma. Get behind me’. Which yeah, that is never going to happen.

Regina is lighting a fireball, stepping towards the queen and Emma is next to her – trying to focus her magic but okay with having to just use her wings if needed, because she knows they are pretty lethal- when the queen says “ Stop” in an almost bored voice

Emma hates the queen a little when Regina immediately freezes but continues to struggle, her hands trembling with the effort and that sad-angry look in her eyes. She runs forward- only to fall backwards as she bounces off some sort of spell. She struggles to her feet again and places herself in the middle of Regina and the spell.

“ Emma- don’t “ it is a swirling tornado and Regina’s eyes through the darkness and Emma just thinking ‘I need to help her, I need her safe, I need her away from this’ all over again.

Except this time, Emma has no idea how to even protect Regina. How do you protect a person from themselves?

Still, she is damn well going to try. She stands there, focuses on her magic again. Her feathers ruffle and burn, but the world is still too small and she can still not see anything but useless feathers. Before she can push past her limits, the queen speaks again. “ You are always hurting those you love. Just look at her”.

And yeah, maybe Emma is feeling shitty again. Maybe she has a migraine and is nauseous and there might be blood dripping from somewhere, but that does not mean anyone is allowed to deliberately try to hurt Regina like that, to worsen her doubts and pain. She throws herself forward again, angry and vindictive and focusing all her loathing on the spell she feels in the air-

She bounces, but it breaks. It feels like she has broken as well; there is a dull throbbing in one of her wings and the migraine had worsened to the point that she doesn’t even want to blink in fear of the searing pain. She is only vaguely aware of what the words ‘you are free to walk again’ mean and what the footsteps imply and why there are gentle hands picking her up.

The pain slowly starts to fade and she glares at the queen from where she is in Regina’s arms.

“ she does not deserve you. Why are you even attempting to protect someone like her? She ruins everything she touches, cannot even hold on to a part of herself” there is something cruelly knowing in the queen’s eyes when she adds “ are you so eager to be rejected once again? To be disregarded, like you are nothing but trash”.

The arms around Emma draw her closer to Regina when the queen steps forward. “ You could go with me, if you wanted to. You and Henry and I- we could do so many great things. You certainly do not have any obligations against Snow – what has that woman ever done but abandoned you and demanded forgiveness like breaking a curse justifies taking away any happiness her daughter might have had?”.

It hits a little too close to home, because even if Emma does not want to, she sometimes still resents her parents for sending her away. The way Emma sees it, her best chance was not away from them. No, that was the town’s best chance. And it is difficult to not resent them for what feels like picking all these people over her when they have never had the long talk they needed to. When there are such fairy tale characters, who think he crappy childhood is just the price to pay for heroism.

Still, she loves them so she picks the only way to yell ‘ fuck off, no way I am betraying my family’ that she can think of: she hisses furiously and presses against Regina. She can feel Regina’s chest move as she inhales shudderingly and she sees the surprise on the queen’s face. There might be pain there too, but it disappears quickly behind a cruel twist of her lips. “ You are free to make your mistakes, miss Swan”.

“She is not going to choose you. So leave” it is Regina’s voice and Emma frowns at the pain she hears in it. She feels like she is missing something, like there is some crucial piece of information that she almost has but not quite.

The queen smiles cruelly, her hands curled around the heart. “ I am not finished “ she brings the heart closer, until it is almost touching her lips. “ do not tell the identity of the Swan in your arms to anyone. Hide it- but be sloppy. Make enough mistakes they will have suspicions but not enough or obviously enough for them to comprehend you are being controlled”.

Emma hisses at her again. The queen hums. “ she does have a very wilful spirit”

Regina keeps Emma in one arm as she lights another fireball, before the queen could take more than two small steps. The queen smiles, thinly and cruelly. Emma struggles to get out of Regina’s arms when that heart is crushed but even when Regina is doubled over with pain, her grip never loosens. Eventually, the queen’s does however.

She had not been doubled over like Regina, even if there had been pain in the pressed lines of her face and the free hand she pressed against her chest. “ Do not move” she orders now and Emma feels Regina stiffen against her. Becoming stone without her skin actually changing.

The queen takes deliberately slow steps, lips curled up. Emma concentrates harder than ever- magic is emotion, miss Swan – and uses the nauseating mix of terror , concern and fury as fuel. Her feathers start to burn slightly as her magic spits and hisses, her muscles suddenly felt like she had tried a split but had overestimated her body’s flexibility, her eyes start to burn like she has rubbed shampoo in them – she glances down and her feathers are slowly disappearing.

The happiness is fuel as well, but it never works as well as anger or the overwhelming need to protect. Her skin now feels like she has spent three hours in 40 degrees weather without sunscreen, her mouth is filled with the taste of blood, there is pressure on her ears like she is on a rising plane but –

She is stretched out oddly, her feathers slowly turning the pinkish colour she is used to, she can feel something pressing in her beak- possibly teeth trying to grow again. It is the most uncomfortable she had ever been and- the queen snaps her fingers and Emma is pulled into her arms.

“ You moron” the tone is harsh, but the fingers on Emma’s skin aren’t. she still tries to get them off quite desperately when she can feel the queen’s magic glide over her and push her magic back. She tries to fight but the taste of blood only strengthens and the pain in her head gets so bad she cries out. She bends her head, the only human thing the queen has left the tears that slip from her eyes and fall.

“ You have not yet mastered that skill’ the queen says, catching her lips between her teeth. Emma starts to hiss furiously at her – you threaten my family, keep me trapped like this and THEN you fucking dare to taunt me – before she actually mulls the words over. Because yes, they could easily be taken as a taunt but if there was one thing she had learned about Regina, it was that she tended to hide her love beneath sarcasm and barbs.

Emma almost relaxes when she realizes that the queen has still been a jerk. She has hurt Regina. She starts to hiss again, tries to flap her wings in the queen’s arms. The queen sighs. “ This is about my weaker half, is it not?” Emma honks furiously in agreement. Then tries to glare, and hopefully communicate with that glare ‘do not call Regina weak’ .

The queen looks behind Emma. “ She is far more a knight than she is a princess, is she not? “ she looks down at Emma- still flapping with her wings and generally struggling. “ All the fierce protectiveness of a noble knight “ she sounds slightly mocking. Emma strains even more. Damn it. I am stronger than her, usually. Why is this not working? She knows it is just that she is exhausted and almost ill after using magic like five minutes ago, but it still pisses her off that this woman could hurt Regina any moment and she would not be able to help at all.

She is even more pissed off how a part of her automatically relaxes a little at the queen’s touch, like it is Regina’s arm on her shoulder after they have defeated some Hell monster that came out of a hat ( and really, what kind of fever-induced dr. Seuss weirdness has her life turned into ?)

The queen presses her closer, and all that calm and comfort disappears as she walks towards a helpless Regina. Emma pinches the queen’s skin, honks, flaps her wings, envisions her to be thrown away – anything that will mean she won’t get any closer. The queen ignores it all. “ You will return to Mifflin street. You will stay there for two hours”.

The look in Regina’s eyes makes Emma tremble with fury directed at the queen. It is only seen for several seconds before Regina’s signature smoke takes her away. Slightly darker smoke takes Emma soon after. When the world slowly blurs into focus again, she is in Regina’s vault.

She is in Regina’s vault, she is on the floor and she cannot move.

The queen is in front of her, studying her. “ Snow White and her shepherd are not known for their intellect. They might need a firm push to reach the conclusion that my weaker half is betraying them” .

She approaches Emma and- Emma has never really been afraid of Regina. She has been furious whenever Regina was being an A-grade bitch. She has been empathic, those times she thought she recognized someone who had been fucked over as many times as she had. She has been worried, when Regina was undercover pretending to be a friend to torturers and murderers. But she has never been afraid.

She might be a little now, helpless, uncertain and faced with a look she recognizes from the worst homes.

The queen waves her hand a throne-like chair fades into existence. The queen sinks down into it, resting her chin on her hand as she studies Emma. She is silent for a while, then slowly stands and walks towards another room. Emma hears objects being moved and hitting against walls perhaps. She is still trying to free herself -failing miserably- when the queen returns with a very large book. Emma stares at it as the queen lowers herself down in the chair again and starts to read.

Her heart is not racing anymore, even if she knows the queen is still a threat and calm like this is often less dangerous than outright anger and hatred. She has learned that after a childhood with people that had so many agendas and following people so very desperate.

The queen lays the book down with too much nonchalance. Emma tenses- or she would if she could anyways. Even if every part of her screams at her to fight and she can feel her lungs stutter and fail (does this spell freeze them, as well or is it just the panic Emma feels?), she forces herself to not fight. The only plan she has is to wait for the moment the queen unfreezes her and fight with all the saved energy then . If you mess this up, your family will suffer she says, thinking of Henry’s smile and Snow’s worry and David’s gentle teasing and Regina’s dry wit.

She cannot fail them, she cannot lose that. It is more difficult than you would expect, but she keeps repeating ‘cannot fail them, cannot lose them’ until the urge to fight settles a bit.

Finally, the queen is ready. She has a table with scattered ingredients – Emma prays that her plan does not involve chucking potions down Emma’s throat because is that a rat’s tail – and dark red powder and – a collar? Emma is so surprised that she just stares and blinks in confusion.

Until Regi the queen tries to attach that collar, which is when Emma strains and screams . She is still a swan, but it is not hard to hear that she is hurting at all and the spell keeping her frozen is very strong but so is her panic and instinct to protect so the spell shatters. The spell shatters, the queen stumbles back and Emma runs for the door.

Only for a rope to drop down from nowhere and curl around her, cutting off her breathing and tightening against her struggling. The queen’s voice is nearly soothing as she kneels down and mutters ‘shh shh’ , her fingers quickly reaching out for Emma’s neck and Emma loathes her for a moment.

Then the rope disappears, Regina shrinks and hands. Hands and fingers and skin – she laughs disbelievingly and wriggles her fingers, presses them to her face so she can they are real. She smiles and laughs and sags with relief. “ I d- “she has to clear her throat, then tries again. “ I don’t understand”.

The queen is still kneeled down next to her. Emma doesn’t know what to make of her. “ It is all part of a plan” she suddenly grabs Emma’s chin , pulls her towards her. “ And I have been wanting to do this since I saw your pretty face for the first time” and kisses her. Or perhaps kisses is not the right word, because Emma feels more like she is being conquered, possessed , claimed. The queen bites down on her lip and Emma pulls away carefully.

“ We are not doing this”.

“ You- “ .

“ I may not know a lot about healthy relationships, but I am also not freaking Harley quinn. Nor do I have a goddamn Stockholm complex”.

The queen’s nails dig into her shoulder painfully. “You judge me even when you do not judge her?”.

“ I know of her past crimes and I have managed to look past them, mostly for Henry’s sake but also because of the shit that has happened to her and the go – the amazing stuff she has done since then. The first time I saw you, you threatened me and turned me into a swan. You have kept me locked up for ages, taunted me with the pain of my family and hurt Regina- “

The fingers on her skin start to heat and she could’ve sworn she saw the woman’s arm slowly star to reach for her chest. She grabs that arm. “ And you might be doing this just to hurt Regina even more”.

The queen leans in even more. Emma is pretty sure that is her own blood on those lips.” You have no idea of our past crimes. You would do the one thing you are so good at and run if you had any idea what we were like”.

“ I know she is a good mother to my son. I know she has nearly died several times to protect this town. I know that she has gone down to- “.

The queen leans in more. “You have no idea what it is like, saviour. She has grown accustomed to murder and terror. You people might think that by ripping me out, she has completed her redemption but she is still me. You cannot just destroy a part of you”.

‘ I know”.

The queen’s grip loosens slightly. “ You- what?”.

“ I know. I know you, I know any version of Regina. Whether we are in an insane alternate universe or whether she is wearing a crazy hat or talking about turning me into a garden topiary , I know you. And I know she has made a mistake doing this, but it is what she wanted. And I would never tell her what to do -or not to do”.

“ You claim to be her friend yet you would not even keep her from- ‘.

“ I didn’t know back then. I had doubts of course, but- she was struggling. It is a scary thought, that we might have darkness that could hurt our loved ones” Emma swallows. ‘Or at the very least, cause us to lose them”.

Apparently this version knows Emma as well, because it is not empathy in her eyes but it is definitely understanding. “the dark one”.

“ I nearly lost Henry and- I know you were afraid of the same thing”.

“ She is weak, if she had not hidden- “.

“ It’s Henry. He would have never been okay with anything ‘evil “she makes sure to use air quotes, because Henry might have used the word a lot and so do fairy tale characters but she has seen too much to really believe in evil.

The queen shakes her head violently. “I am his mother, he would- “.

“ Regina” it is the first time Emma calls her that and it effectively shuts her up. Or maybe it is Emma’s tone, firm but also kind and understanding that does it. “ You are talking about the kid that ran to Boston when he found the book “

“ I - “ the que Regina’s angry snarl falters and she just looks sad to Emma. “ She was untruthful . If she had just been honest from the start, if she had raised him right, he would have loved me regardless of saviours and heroes”.

“I think part of what makes Henry a great kid is his upbringing” Regina is stuck between annoyance and warmth. “ But I also think he would have always felt some things too awful to accept or forgive”.

“ Good is made, not born “ her eyes are hard and Emma has not wanted to punch Regina in years, but she kind of wants now. It is only the fact that she feels this part of Regina is only as desperate for Henry’s love as Regina had been during that first year that stops her.

“ Maybe. But I have seen enough shitty kids with pretty good parents and nice kids from a really horrible upbringing. And Henry- I don’t think it would have worked. And besides, would you really have wanted him to grow up like that?”.

There is a split second of hesitation, then- “ He would have been fine. He would have been protected , at the very least”.

Emma wants to continue to protest. She wants to navigate this minefield- and hopefully better than she did that first year. She thinks she might be able to, now that she has fought alongside Regina and talked to her and even earned her trust. Now that they are friends, she might be able to help and not add fuel to an already explosive situation.

But instead, there is searing pain. She opens her mouth and for a moment, she thinks it is the queen. But there is no outstretched hand, there is no visible sign like – she doesn’t know, burning oil raining from the sky? – there is just her double over and gagging over and over again. There is her vision narrowing and blurring and the queen shrinking and-

By the time she can breathe a little again, she feels ready to scream and cry : she is a swan again.

She looks at the queen with anger and betrayal, but she merely shrugs and reaches for Emma. Emma attacks that hand, furious, but the queen hardly reacts at all. She just grabs Emma uncomfortably tight, lifts her and immediately takes them away.

They materialize in front of a Regina that looks as dishevelled as Emma has ever seen her. Her hair looks like she has run her hands through it several times, and possibly yanked at it. Her normally perfect make-up is slightly smudged. The look in her eyes is that of an animal in captivity. She is pacing, her fists clenching and unclenching as she reaches for the door and raises her foot-

Only to lower it down again.

‘ The two hours have not passed , dear’. It is the queen’s amusement that makes Emma flap suddenly, wild enough that the queen mutters something and Emma is freed. She lands on the floor and staggers towards Regina. Whose eyes immediately zero in on the collar around Emma’s neck.

“ I told you-“.

“ She is not a possession, yes yes it was all very nauseating” she waves her hand. A telephone number appears on the collar. “ Now, listen carefully” Regina surges forward , only to stop inches away from the hand that is suddenly holding a softly glowing heart.

Emma starts to sneak towards the queen, judging the height between her and that heart when the queen chuckles and shakes her head. “ Unless you want me to order her to do something like slip poison in Snow’s drink… I would really advise you to stay there”. Emma stays.

The queen brings the heart close to her lips again. “ You are not to offer any insights on who this pet is – only lies or omissions. You will keep her family from her for the coming two days. If they have not discovered who she is by then, make sure that someone is with her when the clock strikes midnight. And that you yourself are absent”.

She slowly lowers the heart. Regina’s hand trembles and twitches slightly, but she does not manage to grab for it. “ Enjoy your last few days having a family “ the queen taunts, then disappears.

Regina’s knee buckle and she nearly hits the ground really hard. She barely catches herself. Emma runs towards Regina, pressing against her hand. It will be okay. They know better than that, Regina. They know you better.

And no matter what she tries, they won’t give up on you. We won’t give up on you.

---

#swan queen #regina mills #emma swan #hyde queen #season 6 au #transformations

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jessicacrenfrew · 7 years

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Before I go I need to say a couple of things . To get it out of my system .. but know that I do not regret anything that has happened this past two years .. the only thing I regret would be being suicidal . But I do not regret meeting you or being your "girlfriend" because it has taught me so much about myself . Brought me out of my comfort zone, has shown me how strong I really am. And hope love isn't actually real.. or the love that I always thought of isn't real. I learned that people aren't who they say they are .. people will constantly hurt you no matter how much you have suffered , done to help them and/ or how weak you are.. they will never stop being selfish and won't care how far they have hurt you. No matter how much I hate it but I did fall in love w you . Or at least what I thought was you .. deep down I know that person is inside of you but I don't think you are strong enough to let that person out .. maybe one day though. But I still love you because when I love someone I truly, genuinely love them and you know how much love means to me. That also was a topic , love/ how people treat each other / morality , it what I like most talking about but I could never fully talk about it with you . For a lot of things, I never knew until now but I had deep down thoughts , instincts , emotions that I knew something was wrong . That something about you is so toxic for me. But I took it as I wanted and could fix you . I tried teaching , showing you how to be a better person. But while I was doing that you were teaching me how evil the world is and how evil people really are. I can't trust anyone.. no one can relate to me.. I don't have a best friend because I find big flaws in everyone (I know everyone has flaws but these hurt me ) , I don't fit in with my family. But that's ok .. Bc deep down I feel that my kind of love is out there and I will wait for that time to come .. for best friend who thinks the way I do and acts like me , will come find me . But having gone/ going through this has only opened the door to see who I truly am and I find it so beautiful and rare. I am proud of myself and I hope one day you can be proud of yourself too. I dislike you a lot because of the horrible, unthinkable things you have done/doing to me but I still deep down love the boy who I created in my head of you . And that will take some time to fully be ok without you ,be happy and find someone else. But I am so excited for that to come because I am so done with this . I never have wanted to leave California more than ever. Even if I did get into my "dream" schools I think I need to get out . I love HPU, maybe not as much as I love LMU or usd or California in general . But I need to be better mentally, I have not been truly happy for a long time. I always was constantly stressed, upset, hurt, scared , depressed about everything. I think I need this one year to get better. Even though tumblr is one of my safe havens, I have to let it go for a bit because I tried but always found myself creeping back checking up on your profile . And to be honest it wasn't that hard to find your profile because I made a different account just to keep reposting that one famous Tumblr pic to get you more reposts. So I went through my followers and found it . So yea .. that's how I found it. But thank you for being my first boyfriend , love , sexual partner , my first real guy best friend, my experience and journey with you has taught me so much . I am going to love myself more , love myself first before getting into another relationship . And that will take some time because of all the damage you put me through and my life w family now but that is why I have my tattoo to remind me. Yes I got my tattoo and I was so emotional afterwards when I was by myself but I was so surprised by how much it didn't hurt . And I am in love with it. I know how strong I am , and I know I can get through this .. even if I see you going back to your old ways .. and hanging out with the people you hurt me w or any of that. I know I can get through this. I am not going to live a suffering life because of a stupid, immature, crazy boy Bc I know that is not what I deserve and how I want to love my life. I hope you grow up and live a better life. Find the beauty of kindness, faith, loyalty , morality, and other things that make you a better person. Be sue this world is already selfish and bad the way it is .. there are way too many evil people in this world. Know that you have to be your best friend throughout everything. Because in the end , you only know yourself and will be there until the end. People will look after themselves, think for themselves , that's just how it works. People's intentions aren't always the best for others and often very selfish. Know that you cannot become successful and truly happy with the life you are living and the person you have created yourself being. Always be truthful , be truthful to yourself and your loved ones. Be kind to women, be more kind to your mom and family , they have risked so much for you worked so hard to get you a good education and life. Stop being so damn selfish , you probably are one of the most selfish person I have ever met. It scares me sometimes .. even still it scares me how selfish you are . You don't even care how much you have hurt a person and what you have put them through or that doesn't stay in our mind to the point to let you know ... " hey, you need to tell the full truth now, or hey you need to stop this , you need to let her go" . I cannot bare to the thought of ever becoming so selfish as you .. it disgusts me . But whatever . I learned my lesson. You are the real version of a fuckboy .. a immature boy that has the horniness and sex drive that is unbelievable, a guy that is good with his words , knows the right things I say to trap a good girl, a cocky guy, selfish , a guy that hooks up with multiple girls as the same time period, that cheats on his girl, that almost destroys a persons life. But I can only hope that one day you will change . But I have to accept you will never be the guy I thought you would become , you will never be the love I thought we had, I will never get to say to people .. " proved you wrong ", you will never be my best friend, you will never will a decent person to me. But in the end thank you for everything but also fuck you . Also I'm happy you didn't get to know the full me.. see how I was if I was fully comfortable with you , make me cum when you wanted to because it all I'm saving for the guy that truly deserves those treasures. Just sad that couldn't be you. I just want to say I find it funny how I can make myself actually cum now by myself and it feels amazing . And now I know " you know when you are about to come or if you came" lol it's so weird but I like it. Because in sex I never really felt anything like this before and you never made me cum w oral.. you almost when that one time in the car next to Webb.. but didn't finish it.but I don't mean f say those things rudely to you because that is not what I'm trying to point out( you know that the sex things don't mean or say anything to me of how much I love you , unlike you ) but it is funny how now I can do it all the time now .. like twice a day .. I never would have thought lol but ok too much to share.. I'm writing this lik this is my diary . But I guess I will end it. Even though I have much more to say I have to start letting you go . So goodbye Justin , I will always love you ( the boy I created of you ), hope you start making better decisions , being truthful and a better person all around. It still breaks my heart that you did this to me and continue to do this to me but I will accept that we both are on different paths of life , it's just one of us has to take more time than the other. I will always be there for you if you needed me Bc I cannot live to think you or anyone will go through unbearable times and not help them when they ask me. Nice knowing you . Bye Justin I hope I can keep off Tumblr for a while but I'm not sure I'm still broken and just got broke again . But I will try . Bye Justin I love you ( not the real you ) . Xx, Jess

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