#and i'm like yeah yhe pain is literally fine

[halinski]

.

#my problem is this: when i am in a considerable amount of time i just #tell myself im not #and my brain goes: okay #and sometimes that means that i started dissociating #and sometimes it gets to a point where I literally am not as aware of my body as i should be #and i'm like yeah yhe pain is literally fine #i just slammed my head while skittering through the house bc i didn't realize the wall was there #and yeah #i cant tell how bad the pain really is tho #bc my varying degrees of dissociation really just block a lot of sensation #and i cant explain that to the doctors without them thinking im deranged #and like im already on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic #and i fled from my last therapist once again #and my psychiatrist is happy as long as i can keep my job and say im fine #and the obgyns all just are like take the damn hormones and dont wanna do more tests #this is just a rant ignore me #its 2am i gotta get up and go to work in 3 hours bc staying home doing nothing would be even worse #bc it means no distraction #and its bad bad bad for my head #and i cant #ignore me #the sleep aid effect of the meds hasnt been very effective the past 2 months :( #also i am in pain from cramps