#tell myself im not

[halinski]

.

#my problem is this: when i am in a considerable amount of time i just #tell myself im not #and my brain goes: okay #and sometimes that means that i started dissociating #and sometimes it gets to a point where I literally am not as aware of my body as i should be #and i'm like yeah yhe pain is literally fine #i just slammed my head while skittering through the house bc i didn't realize the wall was there #and yeah #i cant tell how bad the pain really is tho #bc my varying degrees of dissociation really just block a lot of sensation #and i cant explain that to the doctors without them thinking im deranged #and like im already on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic #and i fled from my last therapist once again #and my psychiatrist is happy as long as i can keep my job and say im fine #and the obgyns all just are like take the damn hormones and dont wanna do more tests #this is just a rant ignore me #its 2am i gotta get up and go to work in 3 hours bc staying home doing nothing would be even worse #bc it means no distraction #and its bad bad bad for my head #and i cant #ignore me #the sleep aid effect of the meds hasnt been very effective the past 2 months :( #also i am in pain from cramps

[strangestcase]

becoming a furry nonhuman otherkin objectum genderweird relationship anarchy freak has made me immune to weird conservative whatifs. "what if people want to identify as animals" let them "what if people want to marry furniture" let them "what if-" is it hurting YOU? personally? or are you just so joyless that you can't conceive a living thinking person that isn't as repressed and deprived of whimsy as you

EDIT: Incest and pedophilia (including simulated pedophilia) don’t count because they do hurt people. I can’t believe I have to say this but things that hurt people aren’t part of the list of things that are weird but don’t hurt people.

#doc talks #proshippers don’t interact!!!!!!!! you’re gross #I always tell myself im above pro/anti shit and then YOU come in all like ‘yes! incest doesn’t hurt anyone!’ fucking what #top ten sentences said by a person that thinks real life incest is glamorous like the incest on tv

[lancteu]

this has drained me of my will to live

#if the quality gets crunched im gonna be going ghost myself dude #i had this at 600dpi #my art #danny phantom #danny phantom fanart #danny fenton #dp fanart #this took me sO LONG #im so proud of it but watch me despise it in about an hour #lancteu back at it with yet another danny phantom design #let my boy be happy #let my boy be an astronaut PLEASE #i was gonna do glowy freckles but i already was dying with just this i could not be bothered #love flooding my own tags #if you couldn't tell #if you're actually reading these then hi :)

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

#dc comics #dc #damian wayne #dick grayson #talia al ghul #batfamily #dc robin #nightwing #anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther #like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it #they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc #but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself #anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did #it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios #also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul #you will always be famous to me #son of the demon origin...bwahhh #anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic #but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up #so go look at that as well #anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy #i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!) #so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!) #when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself #it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on #I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue #i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :] #idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups #so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat #(it's me they should hire me. please DC i have ideas listen to my red hood pitch PLEASE-)

[gorgynei]

weird state of self

#almost midnight. quick post therian art #this is also about being autistic! \o/ and being in the closet! and being weird!! and.. yeah its about being a werewolf again. yeah #im not exactly a therian myself (its complicated) but ive been inspired by therian artists lately soo ^_^ #and i really like to blend humans + wolves in general. idk if u could tell. #therian #therianthropy #aceart #wolf #werewolf #wolfkin #otherkin

[aulerean]

gem's angler fish? pretty cool.

#my art #geminitay fanart #geminitay #gemini tay #hermitcraft gem #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #hermitblr #artists on tumblr #art #digital art #illustration #artist #artistsontumblr #fanart #i hate autodesk sketchbook #tearing things with my teeth #ive never been able to get colours to look the way i want them to the same way i could do with photoshp #deepest sigh subscription programs my beloathed #no idea how to paint but consider this an idea to come back to later and Fix TM #ughghghghghgh #still #i think the vibes of the atmosphere i was going for are kind of there #having a real big hand/skill not matching my eye art moment #but im telling myself 100 bad pots to make one good pot 100 bad pots to make one good pot- #art improvement when #(learn how to paint and get a better program) #(soon) #(Soon.)

[bluebelledmoon]

as soon as i saw the first panel of the final part to @buggachat 's au i launched myself into my sketchbook.

congrats on finishing it! beau really is spectacular :)

#so what if i have 7 lectures to watch before monday? i have no regrets #<-- will explode on sunday #ml #beau #adrien agreste #adrienette #bluebelledmoon's art #marinette dupain cheng #im not joking i literally launched myself to my sketchbook i shouldve been watching lectures #also can you tell i struggled with adriens hair #please say no

[schizopositivity]

i see reminders to take your meds all the time and thats great but heres your reminder to get your meds refilled! to call your pharmacy! to pick up your refills while the pharmacy is still open! you cant take whats not there, its super important that you stay on top of getting your refills

#this post is for me lol i have to tell myself this rn #i was putting off picking up my refills #so now ive been out of my antideppresents and appetite increasers for days and im struggling #tw meds #tw pills #pills #meds #medication #pharmacy #neurodivergent #mental illness #nd #mental health awareness #schizophrenia #schizophrenic #psychosis #actuallyschizophrenic #pseriouslypsychotic

[snootyfoxfashion]

Pre Order - Over the Garden Wall Crewnecks and Cardigans from Knock Thrice

The pre-order is unlimited, you can get as many as you want and we will not sell out! It will run until August 14th  and limited overstock will be sold in the next month or two after preorders have shipped (December/January).

#jumper #sweater #sweatshirt #cardigan #over the garden wall #otgw #crewneck #tops #autumn #fall #halloween #clothing #fashion #got paid yesterday and i impulse preordered one fhkgsdhgk gonna be poor now for the next 2 weeks #im telling myself its a celebratory purchase for getting promoted soon haha

[hensel-x]

And oh What a way to die Standing eye to eye Pretending we're alive As we grow colder And oh The devil that I know Is better than the devil that I don't

#my art #the magnus archives #lonelyeyes #elias bouchard #peter lukas #i made myself SO SAD while drawing it #my favourite divorce core old people yaoi #tma fanart #magnus pod #can you tell im a child of a divroce. #doomed yaoi

[inkskinned]

you have to be sexy but you have to be sexy in a way that's kind of bloody. you learn this early because you are wearing a ruffled skirt and the snow around your ankles kicks little sand particles against your calves. baby's first catcall. welcome to sexiness! welcome to the eyesore of your own body!

you have to be sexy like high heels. like sculpted eyebrows. like lean stomach and highly treated hair. you have to be sexy like youth is sexy, which means you have to be sexy like boxtox and plastic. a 30 year old can be sexy but she's not going to be bloody, and they like the bloodiness of it. a 30 year old is sexy when she is a whiskey glass and a wooden desk.

but you need to be sexy like an open mouth. you need to be sexy like a bitten apple. like plucked skin and white-knuckling the waxing kit.

so sex is a performance, not an enjoyment. for a while, you just assumed everyone else was also in on the joke - nobody actually likes sex that much, right? like, some men probably do, but why would you? it is like a gender - your gender is sexy. your gender is the performance of sex. you are thigh highs and garter belts. which, to be fair, do make you feel sexy.

part of what does make sex good is that you can tell that other people want you, which means the performance of sexiness is both bloody and wanted, which is good, which means you are winning at having a body. being wanted is the prize. being wanted is the thing you are searching for, not hope. you think you are looking for a soft grave in easy loam, but that is bloody but not sexy. to be sexy you must be bloody like a red open sign. bloody like a handprint. this will make you wanted.

any wanted or unwanted body is subject to supply and demand, which is to say that the more demand, the better you are valued. you must be highly demanded to be valued. this is stated in matter-of-fact by some men. sometimes it is a priest that says it, and sometimes it is a podcaster, and sometimes it is the 45th president of the united states of america.

(if you do not have any experience with being told your value, i want you to grab the nearest bird to you and i want you to crush it into a thin paste in your hand. spit into the center, and then hold your fingers closed tight around it for days and days, long after the rot has set in. feel bones itch inside of your fist. this is only a fraction of what it actually feels like, but it will suffice for a moment.)

good sex feels like you have earned their desperation. you have earned your own value. for a while you operated under the understanding that everyone knew about the power structure, even him. that their desire to take you - the violence of it - means that you must desire to be caught. little prince, guardian fox - you would rather have cut your own arm off. you liked the secret, cunning little voice you keep tucked into a box. you think you are fucking me. i am not even here right now. you are fucking what i conned you into perceiving. this is a painting, not a person. dominion over the body before all things.

so you bend your body like a wheat shaft and learn the steps so perfectly that it almost seems graceful. (if you do not have experience faking your own connection to your body and sexuality, cut each of your articles of clothing just a little bit incorrectly. pour fishbones into each of your meals. this way, you will experience the average noon on a tuesday.)

you have to be sexy like light spilled over a desk, but not desperate. not a noose. you can't be sexy like an electric guitar, you are the acoustic. you have to be on top of the bull but you can't have control over the animal.

okay, okay. the little rabbit of your heart went to sleep so long ago that winter has ravaged your concept of the human soul. there's something very-bad inside you, something that has taken over, a little fetid and rabid animal, angry and hurting and willing to bite first.

oh but even that's a pain that's sexy. open your mouth. be careful not to let the canines show.

#spilled ink #writeblr #warm up #the reason i tag warm up on so much is bc often i write them between me doing other things so im mostly telling myself to come back and edi #bc i rarely have time to check for typos lol #this is partially about compulsory heterosexuality btw #and why it took me so long to realize im a lesbian #i just assumed sex wasn't really supposed to be that good #been reading feminist lit and u can always tell

[devilcat3d]

theres this horrid assumption in the fashion industry that the only people on the planet that want to wear cool boots and shoes are women and that the only women that want to wear these cool as fuck boots and shoes have really small feet. they dont make cool shoes for those like me who were born with larger feet and its so annoying and makes shoe shopping a gigantic pain. i can theoretically find cool shoes but it requires an enormous amount of effort especially when the styles i want to wear just dont exist in "mens" sizes. anyway we need to make bigger shoes end of rant

#this is still a problem for me even tho my feet have shrunk on estrogen like idk man #im looking at you converse. you make the coolest looking shoe on the planet and tell me to go fuck myself when i check the sizes 😔

[mikeyfrickinway]

Since I'm almost done working on em here's my demolition lovers costumes so far!

I started this in like mid/late March I believe

This is my first time doing beading ever, I probably should have started with something smaller or even tested on some scrap but I am nothing if not stupidly ambitious.

I wanna say this is roughly 14hours of work so far, I still want to add more to the dress and possibly make some accessories, we will see what I can get done by Saturday lol

#goin to the helena church Saturday for ghouls day out :] #i had this idea for so long i cant believe im actually doing it #i wanted to talk abt it SO BADLY but i didn't want someone to steal the idea and finish before me lol #i started with the dress and i can absolutely tell so im gonna go back over some parts #id show the side/back of the dress more but i cant close it properly in the back by myself lol #mcr #my chemical romance #demolition lovers #demolition lovers cosplay #my posts

[walnutcookie]

please never feel bad for taking shortcuts in art. its ok if you copy and paste the other eye. its okay if you use the circle tool or the line tool. its okay to use a reference. its not about doing it the hard way, its about creating something. i promise you, you arent a worse artist for using tricks and shortcuts. its about the end product, not the process, and you shouldnt torture yourself with the hardest methods imaginable if it wont change your art in the end

since im editing this post after its been spread around i know people wont see this, but id like to clarify that i dont see using references as shortcuts and i agree that they should be used when drawing. well. anything. but i wanted to add them to this post because many artists *do* find it cheating but its really okay to use a reference

this does not apply to ai generated art.

#this is kind of for myself #im very bad at telling myself to stop feeling bad for using tools #ADDED THE PROSHITTER TAG BCS I DONT WANT THEM INTERACTING WITH MEE

[cherrytraveller]

i don't feel quite like myself turning into someone else

Twitter || Ko-fi || Instagram

deitifies F!Mikey once again to Nothing More's Spirits now with a wallpaper version for desktop!!

#rottmnt #rottmnt movie #rottmnt mikey #future mikey #rottmnt fanart #hamato mikey #hamato michelangelo #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #clip studio paint #digital art #fanart #digital illustration #travellerdraws #i was buzzing to get this done all week tbh #at this point im just gonna stop telling myself to not draw this guy weeping #bc obviously its not working #something something spirit of war full of rage and grief #back at it again with the F!Mikey lore nobody knows about

[bred-is-a-dumb-name]

Anyone remember that drawing challenge from a while ago where you would draw your otp or OCs as the go for it nakamura cover??? Yea well I like the second Manga covers pose a lot more so I did that...also it's klapollo <3

#yes i edited that meme on the bottom myself. its how i felt while drawing this. that man makes me angry but hes so prettyyyy #i hate him (i am lying) #initially i was gonna add close ups of all the klav doodles but im a dumbass and merged the layers #so like...yall dont get that ig dhdjdjdjdj #anyways ive been playing Ace Attorney again can you tell?? #ace attorney #apollo justice ace attorney #ajaa #aa4 #apollo justice fanart #apollo justice #klavier gavin #ace attorney fanart #klapollo #apollo x klavier #klavier x apollo #go for it again nakamura #go for it nakamura #art challenge #? #art #my art #digital art #digital illustration #artists on tumblr #also fun fact i drew most of this while at worl over the last few days