#but im telling myself 100 bad pots to make one good pot 100 bad pots to make one good pot-

[aulerean]

gem's angler fish? pretty cool.

#my art #geminitay fanart #geminitay #gemini tay #hermitcraft gem #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #hermitblr #artists on tumblr #art #digital art #illustration #artist #artistsontumblr #fanart #i hate autodesk sketchbook #tearing things with my teeth #ive never been able to get colours to look the way i want them to the same way i could do with photoshp #deepest sigh subscription programs my beloathed #no idea how to paint but consider this an idea to come back to later and Fix TM #ughghghghghgh #still #i think the vibes of the atmosphere i was going for are kind of there #having a real big hand/skill not matching my eye art moment #but im telling myself 100 bad pots to make one good pot 100 bad pots to make one good pot- #art improvement when #(learn how to paint and get a better program) #(soon) #(Soon.)

[crackcrocs]

DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #9

This is to narcissistic mothers/ parents & anyone who is willing to understand.

(Written by me-for and through the lens of my dear friend, i wish you nothing but freedom from her chains. i wish you TLC)

Their ability to make everyone think they’re loving parents.

Their ability to make their kids believe that abuse is normal.

Their ability to make you believe you owe them everything.

Their ability to make themselves believe that they are right.

Their ability to turn the tables and make you believe that it was your fault.

All of this rings so true.

They do make you feel crazy; they suck the energy and ability to reason logically right out of you- and, by very nature of their narcissism, it never occurs to them that *they* might be the problem.

You can’t expect a relationship to happen with someone highly dysfunctional. how do you stoop down to the level of someone who aside from work & put all energy into keeping up an appearance can only abuse substance, speak to empty friends & post garbage.

In truth, I think the alcoholism is a symptom of her larger mental illness or narcissistic personality disorder- but it’s no excuse. Her parenting is unreliable, inconsistent, and unpredictable. There never is a sense of safety and consistency, allowing me to thrive.

I’m told to forgive & keep peace & ignore all your craziness. All the advice I've been getting on dealing with a narcissistic mother has been saying to avoid her as much as possible, or to try communicate & ‘keep peace’ as if I haven’t tried to communicate, as if I’m purposely singling her out from our already empty relationship. Well now I'm stuck at home all day, or every household or friend I bring over, she decides to involve. So much for distancing myself.  The worst part is she isn't even doing it herself, she just sits around watching tv, having friends over & phoning everyone while Im expected to clean up after her and "contribute" to the family/ financially support my self for college.

- Yes, absolutely, I am the crazy one. You know what, I’m not even going to deny it, I probably have a ton of issues, most of them mental. But guess where they came from? Guess who made those problems worse and maybe even helped create them? No mom, you’re not to blame for everything or the “war in Iraq” as you so eloquently put it. But you are to blame for some it, at the very least. it’s time to take account & I will no longer be made to feel like the obligated for for an entitled narc.

I feel your claws sinking in less and less.  You no longer have me in chains, I will break free from your emotional bondage even if it takes me seeming boring & silencing myself around you to not endure & tolerate your nonsense. Your words no longer fill me with despair like they once did.

This year long cold shoulder would have once filled me with anxiety but now all I feel is bliss. I no longer feel jealous when others talk about their seemingly perfect parents because I may not have that luxury but what I do have is a chance to be a "perfect parent" myself potentially one day. To be everything you couldn't and wouldn't somewhere far away and isolated from your poison.

I wonder how you feel...  but I simply can’t understand or pretend to care anymore. I’m tired of putting energy into a source that doesn’t put out. When children don't talk to you unless prompted- it’s because there is nothing to be said after the plenty opportunities given to converse truly & openly.

No I don’t want to speak to your 9th friend on the phone today again about surface level things just to please you. No I don’t want to come socialise with your drunk friends & be spoken to like a child

When you have to tell yet another lie to yet another friend to mask the evidence of a broken home When you look in the mirror and only see insecurities When you realise there's no one around you and can't figure out why When you tear down someone close yet again, to feel good about yourself  I wonder how you feel, I wonder if you feel, I wonder if you can...

my mom pushes me away but doesnt wanna let me leave. she doesn’t want to take into account that she pushed me to this extent. part of growth is being able to communicate your emotions properly. how can a whole 43 year old be unable to do so? I Vocalize when I’m not okay with something. Communication helps people avoid being uncomfortable, easily triggered, hostile, or passive aggressive with people. her communication is one sided and I’m the only one who gets to listen while she’s the only one who gets to talk, otherwise I’m ‘answering back’ or ‘telling a woman what to do’ even though I talk sense and out of respect in my responses or when I do try speak.

Worse yet I have to go BACK to the emotionally abusive situation that I basically fled.

What really bugs me is when you’ve given someone so many chances to do better and change. But then once you get tired of their antics, you try to move on and they continually try to reel you back in. Not even trying to change, but instead *trying* to reel you back in for their benefit. It’s unhealthy and traumatizing to say the least.

I guess i should be glad your swinging moods and emotions taught me to manage mine from young. I should be glad that I had to teach myself not to care about what you said to me and what you thought about me. I should be overjoyed that the side effect was me not caring about what anyone said or thought and basically becoming an inert emotionless void. I should be thankful that I always look fine even when I’m in pain and feeling like death and I’m capable of putting up with things that would send any sane person off the edge.

relationships are so much healthier when the goal is to experience life together and not to try to make the person into who you want them to be or to make them do what you want them to do. In my case my mother has de masculated me over the years making me soft and obedient, for her own selfish gain of having a man worship her. she decided since she doesn’t have a man, or never managed to find someone stay at home that’s he truly connected to, she’s decided the man that’s going to worship her will be me- her son. Since I resemble my father who she was in love with, she will always talk bad on me as she resents my father for not wanting her.

through gaslighting me over the years, it’s become harder to speak up, I even feel embarrassed to tell my dad even though that’s probably the only thing that will make her open her eyes and get clean. my pot is boiling though. Independence is obviously healthy but when it gets to the point where i find it challenging to actually be able to even admit that i might need assistance in this situation,  problems arise. And for what? Why I’m I protecting her image? I’ve been taught to & I’m a respectable young man who won’t take joy from her exposure, but I don’t take joy from preserving information & keeping it all inside to deal with myself. I’ve become so hard on myself and still pushing through-it’s not easy, people still expect me to be a super heroe all the time. I have a hard time opening up, allowing people to help me in whatever I’m doing. I hate even admitting I need help most times. I wish I’d been taught early what my mother learned late, thankfully I was observant, self taught & still willing to learn- thankfully I’m not a follower & I know right from wrong.

The worst part about looking at the future and trying to imagine it full of hope, light and emotional health is knowing that you'll always have the scars. Emotional abusers aren't supposed to leave scars but mine managed to. And in my mother's usual style it can even be passed off as unintentional. In my case it was actually supposed to a kind act which ended badly in the way that only events in my life can seem to end.

All the phone calls to your friends, you continuously fake talk about me on a nonexistent relationship. it’s sad how you need to phone 100 people in a day and can only hold the same surface level chats. I wonder if you can grip the fact that nobody ever wants to help you with anything. you’re lucky they even listen and you’re lucky they only know your side of the story every time. you’re a great potter & can mould situations.

It’s sad that if you sense the slightest hint that people do not approve of your estrangement and they are not going to be there for your nonsense, you stir the pot and involve and buss peoples names, further spinning your web of lies.

All the pity you came to relish over the years as single mother warrior extraordinaire would simply dry up. Any attempts to paint me, your only child in a negative light would seem simply monstrous if I exposed you, but I maintain respect, bite my tongue & hold my head up because my real mother figure taught me that.

But really you have to keep up the pretense to your friends, that I was an insubordinate, ungrateful bitch of a problem child and you were a glorious brave single mother at her wits end just trying to make things work. even with the mural I painted, you forced me to mention the single mother narrative; as if that had anything to do with my art piece. I mean how selfish can you be? the art peace was to represent Sheku Bayou & the BLM movement, I didn’t even want to put my real name- I wanted to put my instagram page associated with my art because business is business and personal is personal. but to toot your horn, I added a whole separate paragraph because you wanted your name to be connected to my art piece as though I’m some sort of celebrity and it was my claim to fame. the single mother narrative is bullshit, I know tonnes of single african parents that know how to step up when it’s time to be a mother, but that’s something you’ve never known how to do. I remember you drunk the day I came here and I will never forget the words ‘I will drink myself to death if I want to’ I don’t have sympathy anymore and I’m not a saviour, I have tried and tried through hiding alcohol, attempting to converse & get her to cut down; but you can only bring a horse to the water not to drink it. how is a teenager meant to know how to stop an alcoholic junkie? I’m her son you say? If she truly cared and wanted to fix up, I would be one thing to stop her I thought.

my mother is an alcoholic. an addict. she refuses to wear those labels, but this has far exceeded the occasional ‘binge’ ‘sesh’ or ‘Prosecco party’ .Throughout middle school and high school, I would guess that half or so of the days out of the year she spent in a wine haze. Even my constant begging her to stop drinking did not stop it. Pouring her wine down the drain or hiding it made her angry and transitioned to mental and phsyical abuse. She became increasingly angry and I aged and entered high school but she was always this way since I came really. It was during this time that I would lock the doors to my room and try to hide from her in there. I still barricade my room door to this day just for my own peace. Despite all the horrendous things she did, every once in a while she did give me money, and this gets dangled over my head RELENTLESSLY... as if money buys love.

I needed to get some outside reassurance that I'm sane. Thankfully now I know and all I can do is try stay in my lane, can’t argue with a supposed adult with a brain that resembles a wall or a child.

People who were emotionally abused have spent far too long defending themselves. Justifying their own feelings. Trying to make others see and understand what they went through is a task. Abusive parents are very good at manipulating. that’s why I have ceased contact with this toxic person, i do not owe anyone an explanation.Doesn’t matter if they are a family member or close family friend. Doesn’t matter if they are a friend or acquaintance of yours. I’ve learned just to be boring , save everything interesting and beautiful about myself for those who deserve it.

#LCZABIBU #deathwillonlybethebeginning

[corescorner]

So That New Video Huh?

Okay holy shit, I’m gonna do an analysis for it. I’ve never done this before and no one literally has ever asked me to do this but youre getting it anyway cause this is the only place I can gush about this so freakin deal XP

First off, I woke up at two AM cause I’m A Disaster like that, and was greeted with this wonderful video. So naturally I make a pot of coffee and some Crofters toast and get on with my analysis.

Also! THE SWEATERS AND SCARVES! I WANT ALL OF THEM! On that note huge preesh to my Mum -even though she’ll never see this- who’s helping me buy one of the sweaters even though she doesn’t have to cause I’m a Grown Ass Adult ™ with my own money. Kind of. 

Anyway on with the analysis! Under the cut cause Daaaaaaaaaaaamn is it long.

- Thomas' jacket! I want it.

-That ad intro though XD 

-RAAAIID!!

-I be a real floozy XD

-Don't trust an old viking like me: Thomas Sanders (you know, the youtuber)

-PIrateS DiDn’T ReallY TAlk lIke ThIS! Reexamine your cultural biases!

-'what the hell is that accent?' going a liiittttle Remusy voice there Tommy.

-his ears scrunched down by the helmet and the beard string...

-Hahahahahaa, masculinity is a prison!

-SANDERS ASIDES! Nice.

-OKAY SO, this is literally the first thing I did when waking up and my mind was not ready for them TO BE HANGING OUT ON THE COUCH, suffice to say I had a mini freakout to myself and then excitedly continued.

-THE ONSIES I WANT VIRGILS!! THEY'RE ALL SO CUTE

-a florida dwelling man, who never leaves his house. Good point XD

-Romans immediate Sass™ Love It 

-Virgil’s Just As Sassy Thumbs Up. Hyello!

-*gasp* ohmygoodness it’s all Frozen. Oh whoever could have predicted that! Roman... Please.

-Virgil’s eye squint at Roman when he announced 100% of the votes were frozen and Pattons excited cheering even though he just said he didn't vote for it so there's no way it could have been 100%

- Now that I think about it, if Roman didn't rig it, I think they'd probably be at a standstill with, ya'know all their votes being on what they wanted to watch. 

-mmnnmmmnnn falsehood. It was so calm this time. soft falsehood.

-Paton’s incredulous 'too childish?!' he says this like he's recently seen Logan wear his and he's like 'what, but what'

-how can Thomas feel B.A.D with his inner D.A.D We👏 Get👏 It👏 You're 👏Adorable!

-VIRGIL: I CAN THINK OF A FEW WAYS. PATTON’S SAD LOOK!

-redirecting his attention to something good.... or neutral.

-ROMANS SASS

-Who among us can forget the absolute bop that is...... this weird ice cutting song. Roman with the sarcasm. 

-Pat: pretty cool/what it’s a chilled out groove! Lo: I might need you to leave. 

-Virgil's constant just Overthinking™ and not actually paying attention to the movie really. Mood.

-WHOS KID IS HE?! WHY DOES NOONE NOTICE THEY’RE LEAVING HIM

-some things need time.... Like evolution! Cute Nerd Alert.

-Patton blowing on his drink

-I ALso LOve you Olaf!

-VIRGIL’S LOOK AFTER THAT

- no you’re mine now

-I love that Roman commentates on movies he watches cause that is 100% Me

-’the heart is not so easily changed’ Lo: No it isn't. Pat: Hmm? 

-’but the head can be persuaded’ Ro: Can it though?

-’fear will be your enemy.’ Virgil’s looooooook T.T

-Pat and Ro: JOOOOAN! Virgil and Lo say nothing. Thomas:..... Joan... 

-it’s making me too aware of the passage of time! Ooooooof big Mood™ bro.

-REMUS!!! :D

-Of course he's naked, cause why wouldn't he be, they're all in their comfortable clothes.

- they're gonna die at seea! :D

-I sleep in the buff. Thank you Remus. No seriously, good to know.

-Virge: Did i screw everything up? Ro: No I threw out your vote so you couldn't do that. ROMAN!

-Patton’s head bob in agreement about missing the hand drawn movies

-Roman’s actual misunderstanding that virgil wasn't talking about frozen being the wrong decision.

-Verge: How are you telling me to settle into something right now when you've taken your sweet time to settle into things that you were uncomfortable with in the past? Virgil with the shaaaade.

-Pat: I just think we should all relax. Virge: You do realize who you’re talking to  right?

-Virgil's genuine confusion if Lo is asking him that question cause hes always so literal and then proceeds to tell him the number anyway.

-’why have a ballroom with no balls?’ Remus’ snicker, same.

-Just give in to the raunchy jokes Thomas, it's funny.

-Roman imitating Hans’ 'evil plotting face'

-Ro in Dude Bro Voice: aw man yea I’m so fucked up on chocolate fondue I don’t even know what im sayin right now

-All of the others smiling at that. Is Roman doing this to make them smile?

-Patton whines, Logan: Is something wrong Patton? UM Logan asking about FEELINGS Cute.

-there's no way shes coming out of this situation without trust issues. Mmmmmmyea.

-Ro: except for the footprints behind you. Lo:HEy YEa!

-Pat, quietly: don’t let them in don’t let them see. PATTON! SOMEONE HUG DAD PLEASE

-Virge: he may have been an idiot back in the day, but hes not anymore... Virge, are we talking in double meanings here?

-Lo: she shouldn't let go of more of her clothing that’s for sure, shes gonna freeze to death. Lo, she has ICE POWERS. I'm sure she’s fine. The cold never bothered her anyway.

-Logans confused, what about a bridge? Metaphors Lo.

-Pat: let it go! Ro: lie low in our kingdom of ICEolation, come on paton don’t go for the low hanging fruit.

-Lo: There’s a storm out tonight!? Well, obviously Thomas has to stay home why are we debating this. No, Lo honey, it’s still a metaphor.

-Lo: you think this castle has a lavatory? Pat: ICE TOILET! Ro: or a bed? Pat: ICE BED! Lo: this place sounds awful.

-Pat: his thing with the reindeer? Lo: outside of nature's laws? Re: he DEFINITELY FUCKS THE REINDEER! I THOUGHT THE SAME THIIIIIING.

-Ro: If OnLy ThErE wAs SoMeOnE OuT ThErE wHo LoVeD YoU 'hans evil plotting face'

-Logan pointing out Romans constant shade at he movie.

-UM! THIS IS HOW I SHOW MY LOVE UM EXCUSE YOU, My Prinxiety heart.

-Romans complete legit reason why Ana should have been saved by Olaf.

-Virge: I bet he’s talking about you right now. THOMAS' FACE.

-Pat: Thomas has talked about him to other people. Patton likes gossip?

-Ro: WERE ALL GOSSIPY BITCHES SOMETIMES!

-Logan AGREEING that they’re gossipy bitches XD

-OKAY I LOVE THAT RO IS THE ONE WHO SWEARS THE MOST

-Patton pointing a logans points in agreement

-VIRGIL IS SPIRALING, deep breaths kiddo!

-Virge: just think about it. Thomas: LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE

-Virge: he trusted you enough to share a history that he wasn’t proud of with you. Again talking in double meaning here Verge?

-Virge: ‘he wouldn’t have gotten around to some of the stuff you wanted to know about on his own. More backstory to unlock mayhaps?

-Logan doing the countdown thing to help with the anxiety.

-Thomas going along with it without question, Virgil.... kinda going along with it?

-Virgil’s soft ‘.... blinds...’ after naming things that were like existential crisis things XD

- Thomas and Virgil tasting the same thing? Do they all taste what Thomas tastes? Or were they eating together?

-Lo: You are safe. T.T Loooooooogaaaaan

-LOGAN TOTALLY OWNING THAT THOMAS CALLED HIM COOL! CAUSE YOU ARE!

-Virgil’s soft look when Thomas is talking about adjusting and then saying that he still thinks theyre friends! UM again with the double meanings?!

-Thomas: things will be alright between us. PATTON LOOKS AT VIRGIL Cuuuuuuute

-Roman’s metaphor that makes no sense to the situation.

-Thomas: thank you Roman, that’s barely applicable.

-and then his look of 'you're welcome' XD

-ROMANS SASS!!

-Logans list of Elsa’s powers

-Patton nodding along to it and then his 'yea it all checks out' XD

-Logan’s thoughts on Arendales military being just Elsa cause of her powers.

-Virgil’s soft smile and sigh.... ‘Too bad we didn’t go to that party.’ VIRGE!

-Anxiety music starts, what if your soulmate was there and now you’re never gonna get another chance to meet him

-Ro reaching in Virgil’s direction OH SHIT OH SHIT!

-Oof youre freaking out princey there Virge

-Lo: watching a film is too passive of an exercise to allay Thomas' troubled thoughts, Virgil’s cute shrug and thumb nail biting like 'welp'

-DECEIT!!!!!!! ROMAN WHY DO YOU HAVE HIS HAT DO YOU HANG OUT TOGETHER, WHY WERE YOU IN HIS ROOM WHY WAS HE NOT WEARING IT WHAT WAS HE DOING WHEN YOU STOLE IT!

-Dee: I was looking for this! So he doesn't always lie, that’s good to know.

-Virgil’s HISSING! Okay sure, but he wasn't even talking to you man calm down XD

-Dee: DONT TOUCH MY SHIT *finger waggle*

-Romans face! Like, yep I saw this coming and i did it anyways, and I’m probably gonna do it again in the future.

-HOW OFTEN DOES ROMAN RIG VOTES?

-Logans interest in rewriting Frozen

-Ro: no. yes. I don’t know what you’re asking. Roman, it was kinda self explanatory XD

-everyones expressions when roman is talking about how he’s gonna rewrite it.

-YEA YOU LET THOSE CREATIVE JUICES FLOW!

-Virgil’s little ‘aw hell yea’

-REMUS: eh not my kind of fanfiction! WHAT FANDOM DOES HE READ FOR!? DOES HE READ STUFF ON HIMSELF AND THE OTHER SIDES!?

-ALSO HE’S RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUCH NEXT TO LOGAN NAKED, HOW MUCH CAN LOGAN SEE?!

-I’m going to bed. IN THE BUFF. Yes, you’ve stated this before XD

-everyones contributions to the fic

-Pat: I see your point Virgil, but how about this: nobody dies.

-Joan at the end XD Joan should do more ads with Thomas, they’re great.

-Thomas: you just do it XD

-LOGAN APOLOGIZING TO HIS ONESIE! MY FUCKIN ASS YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS YOU'RE APOLOGIZING TO AN INANIMATE OBJECT MY DUDE!

-So this is obviously after DWIT, cause of Remus’ appearances and Logan’s ownage of being called cool. But is it right after? Or is there gonna be a prequel type video next that happens before this and exactly after DWIT?

-Thomas being sad hurts me.

-Did I mention how much I LOVE THAT THEY’RE JUST CHILLING WATCHING A MOVIE HOW OFTEN DO THEY DO THIS!?

-Logan drinking his... coffee? Kinda drinking it. If they taste what Thomas tastes(??) does it happen the other way around? Probably not right? Or is it one of those things where it’s a phantom taste or craving type situation?

-Roman lounging on a bean bag chair in front of an actual chair, yea same.

-BUT ALSO VIRGIL SITTING ON THE BACK OF THE COUCH. I do that too much, or like on the arm.

-Logan just fuckin wearing dress shoes like they’re not just at home on the couch watching a movie.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #sanders asides #sanders sides spoilers #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #joan stokes #thatsthat24 #ts virgil #ts logan #ts roman #ts remus #ts patton #ts deceit #core analysis

[fillianore-moved]

this is just a very long and unfortunate list of incorrect quotes i’ve compiled for the fe3h squad + my oc (aka cassia montal, who’s the assistant teacher at the monastery and is romancing jeritza)! i just needed a way to develop her and all the relationships there more, and this is the result, so it’s completely self-indulgent, lazy and frankly pretty silly, but still i had fun and developed her and her relationships a lot during this process! @highoverseer and @koroleyva i’m tagging you two because idk anyone else who’d care at all for this flaming pile of trash packed into a fe3h package uwu 🌷🌼🌸

-------------

byleth: how long have you been sleeping with cassia?

jeritza: that’s disgusting. and wrong. i don’t even get… why would... i…i’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. it’s none of your… you have… the nerve, the audacity… cassia is my colleague, technically. and she is terrible, face-wise. and how… how... do i know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with her? maybe you are. maybe you’re trying to throw me off? hmm? check and mate.

------------

cassia dies.

annette is sobbing

dimitri is heartbroken

edelgard is trying to do a satanic ritual with hubert to bring her back

claude is stapling memes to her coffin

-----------

byleth: you dropped your dyn- dy- dyna… mite…

byleth: uh… what else have you got in there?

cassia: oh… gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and… paperclips. big ones.

cassia: uou know. just office supplies.

-----------

cassia to annette: when you turn 18, people are gonna try and tell you to buy drugs or cigarettes because you can. no. you know what else is legal to buy at 18? blades. get yourself a damn sword. a big knife is also okay.

----------

cassia: we both look very beautiful tonight.

jeritza: you know, if you- if you’d just said I look beautiful, I would’ve said “so do you”.

cassia: i couldn’t take that chance.

-----------

dorothea: you need a hobby.

cassia: i have a hobby.

dorothea: staring at jeritza’s face isn’t a hobby.

cassia: you’re right. it’s a profession and i excel at my job.

-----------

cassia, looking in the mirror at 3am trying to practice self love: you’re doing great you stupid bitch..

-----------

manuela: i didn’t want to do this, but i know one way we can get the money.

cassia: you’d make a decent prostitute.

manuela: i’d make an amazing prostitute, but i was actually talking about this guy I know.

----------

byleth: admit it! you like cassia!

jeritza: oh, come on. i mean, am i attracted to cassia? sure. do my days feel better when I’m around her? yeah. does she get me in ways no person ever has? indubitably. do i fantasize about her? sure, of course, but only in two positions. but do I like her? the answer is no.

-----------

cassia: when have i done anything rash or irresponsible?

claude: i keep a list if you wanna see. it’s alphabetized.

-----------

byleth: whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

cassia: (sighing) felix’s…

felix: fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

------------

annette: is anyone else scared?

cassia: not really. i’ve already lived longer than i expected.

------------

flayn: what is the best way to kill someone?

byleth: kindness.

cassia: If we’re being stealthy, potassium cynaite. otherwise, anything from a knife to a bazooka works...

-----------

cassia: *crying*

byleth: i would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life

cassia: you are the WORST at this comfort thing

----------

claude: if edelgard, dimitri and i were drowning, who would you save?

cassia: you morons can’t even swim?

edelgard: teacher, it’s a hypothetical question.

dimitri: yeah, who would you save?

cassia: my time and effort.

----------

annette: The cookie isn’t sweet enough, and the texture is runny because it’s not fully baked. if I have to rate this, i would give it three points.

cassia: i made it myself…

annette: it’s out of three points.

----------

edelgard: if I ask you a boy question, will you promise not to be weird?

cassia: i promise.

edelgard: so, there’s this guy-

cassia: you can do better.

-----------

cassia, torturing a prisioner: we have ways of making you talk…

cassia: flayn, what are you doing here? you’re not allowed in here

flayn: (hands her a drawing)

cassia: did you draw this? this is so good! i promise we’ll hang it in the entrance of the dungeon so everyone can see it before they get tortured!

----------

sylvain: i rarely give compliments, teacher, but that shirt looks great. i bet it would look even better on byleth’s assistant’s bedroom floor.

jeritza: …

cassia: sylvain, are you … hitting on jeritza for me?

-----------

cassia: it’s hard being byleth’s assistant teacher sometimes, but i love the my students and that’s all that-

caspar, in the background: teacher cassia! I tried to make spaghetti in the coffee pot and accidentally broke it!

cassia: *inhales*

-----------

post time-skip, black eagles route

cassia: i need some peace and quiet...

edelgard: i’ll be quiet!

hubert: and i’ll be peace!

-----------

jeritza: everything’s going to be fine. it’s just a crush.

cassia: hey, jeritza!

jeritza: i love you.

-------------

post time-skip, blue lions route

dimitri, talking about cassia: i know you think my judgment’s clouded because i like her a little bit.

dedue: you doodled your wedding invitation

dimitri: no, that’s our joint tombstone.

dedue: ... my mistake.

------------

post time-skip, hubert’s support

edelgard: (whispering to hubert) start with a compliment! tell her she looks thin.

hubert: (to cassia) you seem malnourished.

------------

post time-skip, edelgard’s support

ferdinand, watching cassia train: she can’t be good at everything. maybe she’s a bad kisser.

edelgard: no, she’s good at that too.

ferdinand: what?

edelgard: what?

------------

sylvain: I'm grounded?

cassia: yes, you're grounded.

byleth: you disobeyed an order.

dimitri: and now we're going to bury you until you learn your lesson.

cassia:

byleth: dimitri, that's not how grounding works.

-----------

dorothea: i promised byleth we wouldn’t do anything illegal.

cassia:

cassia: Why would you lie to our resident parental figure like that?

------------

linhardt: i slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

cassia: linhardt that’s a coma

linhardt: sounds festive

------------

cassia: don’t worry, i have a permit.

seteth: …this just says ‘i do what i want.’

------------

cassia: there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents

cassia: ... and lorenz

------------

post time-skip, golden deer route

cassia: this is it

cassia: this is the darkest timeline

hilda: we just ran out of alcohol you dramatic little bitch

-----------

post time-skip, blue lions route

felix: cassia?

cassia, sighing: jeritza used to call me cassia…

felix: because it’s your fucking name

----------

cassia: WHO THE FUCK ATE ALL MY MACAROONS?! IM GOING TO KI-

annette: it was me.

cassia: KISS YOUR HEAD SO SOFT BABY, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU THE MOST RIGHT?

---------

post time-skip, black eagles route

edelgard: so what are we gonna do?

cassia: i don’t know... pizza maybe?

edelgard:

hubert:

ferdinand:

edelgard: about the war, cassia

----------

during a mock battle

ferdinand: start waving your white flag!

hilda: THE ONLY THING I WILL BE WAVING IS YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING MOTHER.

cassia: ... Yikes...

----------

cassia: hey flayn, do you think I could fit fifteen macarons into my mouth?

seteth: you're a hazard to society.

flayn: and a coward. do twenty!

----------

byleth: your trainee said a swear word in class.

cassia: i’ll talk to them about it..

cassia, to lysithea: what the fuck, dude...

----------

rhea: this was a 100% successful trip.

byleth: we lost cassia.

rhea: this was a 100% successful trip.

----------

sylvain, flirting with a girl: so, are you from heaven?

cassia: yes, she's a ghost...

cassia: she died fifteen years ago...

cassia: like that pick-up line of yours.

----------

dedue: felix lost cassia…

dimitri: how do you lose a woman?!

ashe: you forget to cherish her.

-----------

cassia: you like me? you like my personality?

byleth: i was surprised too.

----------

lysithea: [covers cassia’s eyes] guess who? she’s sweet, she’s adorable~

lysithea: and she’s gonna be really mad if you get it wrong!

----------

ignatz: i lose at everything. i even lost my glasses.

cassia, staring at the glasses on top of his head: i’ll help you find them for five gold...

-----------

jeritza: what are you, a cop? fuck off!

cassia: jeritza...

jeritza: okay, sorry, one more time.

priest:

priest: do you take this woman to be y--

-----------

rhea: cassia, can we speak privately for a minute?

cassia: ooooh, someone’s in trouble!

cassia : no, wait.

cassia : it’s me.

----------

cassia: wait, stop, think!

caspar: no, no, and no.

----------

bernadetta: i’m just worried about hurting their feelings!

cassia: hurting their feelings…? you just walk around all day caring about peoples’ feelings?

bernadetta: yes, of course. don’t you?

cassia: no.

-----------

byleth: you’re smiling, did something good happen?

cassia: can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

dorothea: seteth tripped and fell in the courtyard.

------------

claude: i trust cassia.

hilda: you think she knows what she’s doing?

claude: ... i wouldn’t go that far.

-----------

cassia: oh, yes, i’ll live.

cassia: but i won’t enjoy it.

-----------

cassia: you piss me off so much.

rhea: i literally just said “hello.“

cassia: yet here i am, boiling with rage.

----------

cassia: don’t worry, you’ve got everything you need to defeat them.

marianne: the power to believe in myself?

cassia: no, a knife.

cassia: stab them.

----------

petra: i’ve never done anything wrong in my life

cassia: i know this and i love you

----------

ignatz: *trips on nothing*

cassia: ha, you’re so clumsy.

(5mins later)

cassia: *aggressively punching the air* what’s your–fucking problem huh?? what–did he ever–do to you??

-----------

byleth: now we’re going to compliment the person to our right.

cassia: *looks at seteth fondly*

cassia: nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

------------

shady guy, coming up to cassia: if you care about your student you’ll come with me..

cassia: which student?

shady guy: lorenz hellman gloucester

cassia:

cassia: *turns around and walks away*

-----------

cassia: did it hurt?

jeritza: *rolls eyes* let me guess, when i fell from heaven?

cassia: no

jeritza: what?

cassia, grinning: did it hurt when you fell for me?

jeritza: ...

------------

marianne: does this make me a bad person?

cassia: marianne, there is not a force in history that could make you a bad person...

-----------

cassia: you and me? we both want the same thing.

cassia: but we’re gonna have to work... near each other.

seteth: you mean together, cassia?

cassia, turning around angrily: did you hear me say together??

-----------

cassia: annette’s at that very special age where she has only one thing on her mind.

manuela: boys?

cassia: murder.

----------

cassia: *hugs dimitri*

dimitri: what's this? what's happening?

cassia: it's going to be alright.

dimitri: why are you squeezing me with your body?

cassia: it's a hug, dimitri. i'm hugging you.

-----------

cassia: claude, can we talk, one ten to another?

claude: i’m an eleven, teacher, but continue.

-----------

mercedes: oh fiddlesticks.

cassia: look, i understand this is a tense situation but let's watch the fucking language.

-----------

linhardt: i’m busy.

cassia: do you think drinking 36 glasses of wine consecutively would make my battle senses and crest powers even more heightened or would I just die?

linhardt:

linhardt: i’m on my way.

------------

cassia: we’re engaged

jeritza: IN COMBAT

jeritza: *pulls out his sword*

------------

manuela: why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke?

cassia: age.

dorothea: diet.

------------

leonie: i sort of did something and i need your advice. but i don’t want a lot of judgment and criticism.

cassia: ... and you came to me?

------------

cassia: what do we say when life disappoints us?

dimitri: called it.

cassia: NO--

------------

cassia: *sees someone do something stupid*

cassia: what an idiot.

cassia: *realizes it’s sylvain*

cassia: oh, that’s my idiot.

------------

cassia: ferdinand, we tried things your way.

ferdinand: no, we didn't.

cassia: i did it in my head and it didn't work.

------------

manuela: between claude, ignatz, lorenz, and raphael - if you had to - who would you punch?

cassia: no one! they are my golden deer! my students! i wouldn't punch any of them.

manuela: lorenz?

cassia: ... yeah.

------------

cassia: you need them to think that you are stronger than you actually are.

ashe: that’s what you do, right?

cassia: oh, no. my power is no illusion. i can fucking demolish you.

------------

cassia: before i do anything, i ask myself, would rhea do that? and if the answer is yes, i do not do that thing.

------------

flayn: do you really think we should stay outside or do you just not want to deal with this right now?

cassia: two things can be true...

------------

cassia: name a way to be nice to others.

dimitri: don't kill them.

cassia:

cassia: setting the bar a little low, dima, but I'll allow it.

-----------

cassia: remember that time you made me lick the swing set?

dorothea: no, i said "cassia don't lick the swing set!" then you said "don't tell me what to do!" and then you licked the swing set.

-----------

cassia: what are the signs of depression?

byleth: why are you asking?

cassia: manuela was doing laundry earlier and she dropped a sock and i heard her say “why has the goddess forsaken me?”

-------------

cassia: i just realized. i had a terrible childhood.

manuela: yeah, i know.

cassia: what do you mean, “you know”?

manuela: look at the way you stand... people who had good childhoods don’t stand like that.

--------------

cassia: you have to learn to love yourself.

marianne: but don’t you hate yourself?

cassia: yes, but this is about you, stay focused.

--------------

hilda (with lysithea probably): REMEMBER THE PACTS FORGED BETWEEN OUR PEOPLES LONG AGO.

cassia: stop it, it's 4 in the morning.

hilda: YOU PLEDGED ETERNAL SERVITUDE.

cassia: i did not.

hilda: IN EXCHANGE WE WOULD COME TO YOUR AID IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED.

cassia: i'm not feeding you.

hilda: REMEMBER THE PACTS.

--------------

annette: hey, can you do me a favor?

cassia: i’d kill for you, but go on.

-------------

in the garden

mercedes: annette, can you grab that hoe?

annette: *grabs cassia’s arm*

mercedes: wait, that's not what I meant...

------------

flayn: hey cassia, can i go get some candy?

cassia: what did seteth say?

flayn: no.

cassia: then why do you think i’ll let you?

flayn: because seteth’s not the boss of you.

cassia, internally: it’s a trap it’s a trap it’s a trap

-----------

dorothea: if I die, my ghost is gonna haunt you!

cassia: then your ghost is going to see some disgusting stuff.

------------

hubert’s support in a nutshell

hubert, in the margins of his notebook: mywife is soft nd ilikeher

hubert: my wiwwwfie wife is visiting a noble family with the empress and i miss her

hubert: MY EWFIE IS HOME MY WIFE

------------

felix: see? this is my “i don’t care” face.

cassia: that’s your normal face.

-------------

cassia: of course, i care about everyone in this house equally!

claude: we were attacked while you were away.

cassia: is marianne okay???

-------------

cassia: if edelgard jumped off a cliff, would you?

hubert: *stares into the distance with a blank expression*

cassia: hubert!

hubert: well- er- i mean, it depends.

cassia: DON’T JUMP OFF A CLIFF!

hubert: well, i wasn’t planning on it.

cassia: but if edelgard did, you would!?

hubert: *stares into the distance yet again*

cassia: HUBERT!

-------------

lysithea: if i run and leap at cassia, she will almost certainly catch me in her arms.

lysithea: COMING IN! *runs at cassia*

cassia: NO! I’M HOLDING COFFEE!

cassia: *drops the cup and catches her*

------------

leonie: why are you helping me so much?

cassia: because my life is a mess right now and i compulsively take care of other people when i don’t know how to take care of myself.

------------

hubert’s support, post time-skip

dorothea, barging into the library: you two ARE having sex!

hubert: really? cassia, why didn’t you tell me? i would’ve put my book down.

------------

cassia: we have fun, don’t we?

ashe: i have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

------------

cassia: why are we laying on the ground?

sylvain: you got knocked down so i laid next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin’.

------------

petra: i did something terrible.

cassia: it’s okay, i have a shovel.

petra: wait, what do you think i did?

cassia: it doesn’t matter, no one will ever know.

------------

seteth: time for bed.

flayn: cassia says that I can stay up as long as I want, and YOU need to die.

seteth:

seteth: what the heck, cassia-

------------

ingrid: i think rhea is in trouble!

cassia: alright... struggling to give a fuck, if i’m honest.

------------

marianne: i made a friendship bracelet for you!

cassia: i’m not really a jewelry person.

marianne: oh, you don’t have to wear it.

cassia: no, back off, i’m gonna wear it forever.

-----------

manuela: i’m playing a new drinking game. it’s called “Every time i’m depressed, i take a drink.”

dorothea: that game exists. that’s called alcoholism.

manuela and cassia: *take a swig simultaneously*

--------------

during hubert’s support

cassia: i love you. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

hubert: i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

cassia: yes.

hubert: … now i’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

--------------

cassia: alright, listen up you little shits.

cassia: not you, bernadetta. you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

--------------

cassia: do you ever wanna talk about your emotions, felix?

felix: no.

sylvain: i do!

cassia: we know, sylvain.

sylvain: i’m sad...

cassia: we know, sylvain.

--------------

cassia: since when is babysitting them my—

cassia: oh, my god, that’s exactly my job.

#i'm trying to pinpoint her personality and i finally think i've got it #so like... just a completely self indulgent long list of convos that never took place #obv these are from various different tv shows/movies/books/etc #also if anyone already used these in a similar manner - sorry also we've ascended #for everyone who knows anything about the game - i have like 10 s support routes prepared for her akljdkksj because no control thot life #THIS IS A WIP and i'll add more of these from time to time~ #oc: cassia montal

[aliferous-ly]

ya girl back at it again with the headcanon splat of ideas, splabbles if you will

(drabbles, splat, sprabbles, yes? no? i’ll see myself out)

FARMER BOY VIRGIL

yknow analogical is just so good so why not duderinos lez go

yes yes this is strange but hear me out

virgil lives on a farm with his grandparents and two cousins

u guys are v creative im sure you could come up with wonderful people to be them, shorts characters or cartoon therapy characters or ocs

he likes gardening mostly while his cousins take care of animals n stuff

but he does have a pet goat named Anx who he loves dearly, he would die for her tbh

side note on Anx she was a v nervous lil kid and he was the only one who managed to calm her down

she liked the smell of his big hoodie and his hands smell like plants 

she lets other people milk her but she heavily heavily prefers virgil, and gets stressed when she doesnt see him for a day or two 

he’s 100% ok with this

AGAIN MORE UNDER THE CUT I JUST KNOW ITS GONNA GET LONG

they go to a farmer’s market every saturday morning, it’s 9am to 2pm

they sell fruits from their orchard and veggies from the garden

originally virgil didn’t go at all, he stayed back to ‘watch the farm’ but he really just. freaked out a lot about dealing with people 

his gparents understood and so did his cousins, plus then his cousins get more pocket change lollll

(they give virgil some because virgil ~basically~ grew all the veggies and some fruits /raspberries mostly/)

eventually virgil goes, one of his cousins convince him bcuz this one stand has honeycomb and he’s literally obsessed with honey and bees, forever sad their farm doesnt have any (one of his cousins are deeply afraid of bees + allergic, and virgil would never get bees w them so scared)

anyway he goes to the farmers market and mostly sits behind their stand in the back

at one point he works up the courage to go to the honey stand which is like. right next stand

there’s so much honey 

so much

they’re all different colors and have different flower labels on them , and there are even some books people can look through, and a tiny brochure almost that has lil facts on bees

he’s in awe he just loves it all so much

anyway he clears his throat and buys some honeycomb from the man behind the counter, who has glasses and a tie and a lil nametag that says “Logan”

Virgil goes back to his stand even though he wants to stay there so bad and read about BEES

he loves BEES

~ fast forward to the next week ~

he goes and its wonderful he buys some acacia honey

to go with his tea

he loves tea

the dude selling it is different tho, he’s wearing sunglasses and a flannel shirt rolled up to the elbows, unbuttoned with a white undershirt virgil’s bidar (get it bisexual gaydar) starts going off 

dude has a nametag “Remy” which sounds p cool to virgil’s deviantart oc ears

anyway he slinks back to his fam’s stand

and they teach him how to sell and he realizes it’s . pretty easy, people buying fresh veggies in a farmer’s market are usually not Super Angry

two boys walk by, one wearing a wicked t-shirt and the other with a black t-shirt and a tie

“how much would you give me if I ate a raw radish” wicked t-shirt boy says

“fifty cents” tie boy replies

“that’s it? the radish costs more than that!”

“I’ll buy the radish then”

he buys the radish and virgil links tie boy to bee boy and blurts out “hey, i know you!” 

logan blinks at him. “yes i work at the bee stand. this is roman, sometimes he works at the gelato stand.”

logan gives the raw radish to roman and he just. chomp

he spits it out like five seconds later and virgil can’t help laughing, esp because logan’s face is so smug

“fifty cents lost. what a waste”

“stfu”

virgil thinks this is hilarious 

~ fast forward again yey ~

time passes and virgil hangs out w bee man logan bcuz logan figured out virgil’s obsession with bees are like his so they just. geek out. over bees

i love them

roman works at the gelato stand sometimes because his sisters and mom usually are there, but when he does work there he sometimes drags his friend patton along and they work together 

virgil had never had gelato before . roman and patton think this is a True Crime,

logan finds out about how virgil wants to take care of bees or see them or literally . something. he’s starved. but he cant because of his cousin

so logan invites virgil to his house. he and his brother remy work the stand , his parents were involved in the start but now they just let their boys do their thing 

they live somewhat in the country? but not on a farm just a house with. a lot of land

logan has a whole system down and virgil is so fascinated with it and 

i cant believe they fall in love over bees 

so many honey puns too bad i suck at puns

someone hmu with a good punny name for this bee au

roman, remy, patton, virgil’s two cousins, and virgil’s grandma all have a betting pool over when they’re getting together. roman and remy have the biggest money in the pot, followed closely by virgil’s gma 

break to breath omfg so many bulletmarks

ok we resume

logan visits virgil one day and virgil’s grandma gives them a cherry pie and tells em to enjoy it in virgil’s tree house thing

it’s like a platform in the trees p much, with branches surrounding it

virgil keeps honey up there because he doesnt want his fam to steal it from him 

but he doesnt remember having spoons

theyre chilling in the tree house, eating cherry pie with spoons directly from the pie tin, being eternal icons

logan picks up one of the honey jars and it’s his honey

virgil mumbles something about how much he loves lavender honey, and logan always has some of it 

logan flushes and says that he keeps one hidden until virgil comes over to his stand, so virgil always had one to buy. if he didnt buy it logan would sneak it back under the counter for next week

now they’re both blushing messes

virgil looks at his spoon, and at the honey, and just. snatch

and he gets a spoonful of honey, not too full so he doesnt accidentally spill because his hands are shaking so bad, and he holds it out to logan, feeling like his heart is about to burst

virgil and logan feel a charge in the air and virgil is so so nervous

logan slowly. slowly leans forward wraps his mouth around the spoonful of honey, pulling away just as gradually

logan feels like he’s going to explode

anyway after logan did That virgil just . squeaked and covered his face with his hands and scarf 

(side headcanon when its not cold enough for sweatshirts he has some cloth to cover his face if he gets embarrassed, because just hands feels too oily for him)

their faces are so red

they leave the treehouse hand in hand and the betting pool is OVER !! they finally did it!!! they got together!!!!!

(virgil’s gma wins the pool)

(they think she planned it out but they have no proof)

(she did)

(100%)

anyway honeybee gays is slaying me in this chillis tonight join me in this pit

MINI BONUS ROYALITY BCUZ THIS IS SO LONG ALREADY

roman’s family makes the gelato themselves

mostly

patton loves giving random flavor suggestions

before they got together there was so much pining, so many pet names but “it’s just platonic!! :’)”

after they got together there’s so many gelato dates

many many pet names , they see who can come up with the most sugary

logan and virgil die basically when they’re around them/go on double dates

relationship competitions , ie who can win at chicken at the pool

all of roman’s sisters love patton so much

(there’s three of them but one of them has a v serious gf so roman counts her as the fourth)

super cute 

#relationshipgoals

#this is so long omg im sorry #bee au #analogical #ts headcanons #sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #remy sanders #bees #gelato #food mention #splabbles #family #so much fambly

[softswiitch]

oh man.. it’s been a few weeks 😅

I’ve had tumblr deleted up until now.

I’ve seen him twice in two or three weeks... it’s been so wonderful.

The first time, we had a nice wholesome time and we went to these orchards slash petting zoo thing? It was so sweet. I made a video for him with footage I had of the trip.. it made him really happy, and I still watch it to make myself feel better when I’m missing him. And uh... a thing I didn’t expect at all??? His husband invited me to have a threesome with them ?!? Which... caught me 100% completely off guard. Just typing about it now is giving me butterflies again.. I was listening. I was listening to them from the other room... I’ve never gotten to like... listen to people from another room. My voyeuristic ass was so turned on over the whole thing. But to top it off after they were done, my love comes into the room and snuggles up with me and tells me about how his husband wanted me to come join them. I was.. BLOWN the hell away. Especially since he told me his husbands never invited anybody into bed like that before.. //?!? It made me happy in this weird off handed wholesome way, too. Like the fact he’s never done that but he did that for me. And a part of me nags at the back of my head saying he’s not actually interested in me whatsoever and is more doing it for my love’s sake but like... I DUNNO. Haha. My brain likes to do backflips to make shit negative. I can still convince myself his husband doesn’t like me if I dwell on that thought for .5 seconds too long tbh. Regardless... it made me happy. And super turned on 🤪 especially since that entire day I’d been thinking about how to ask without sounding like a weirdo?!? I’m in love with my soulmate, duh, but like I also get the hots for his hubby.. in the very specific way that he is my love’s husband. Also he’s pretty. And has big hands that I sweat over. -loud nervous laughter- my darling fucked me that same night and uhhHHH I talked dirty to him about what I was hearing from that other room.. HHH wow yeah that’s gettin me HEATED again- anywho—

That trip was lovely. 😋

I visited again this last weekend cause we were going to a musical together! And HOLY SMOKES! it was so much fun!! The night I got in.. they uh. Had some fun in their room again and I got off and it was a good time HAHA. I was invited once more and I was... HEAVILY inclined to. I really wanted to... I just wish I wasn’t so nervous. Though my love was nervous too. We’re both just SHY. I think my biggest hangup.. is uh. NOT KNOWING WHAT I’D... do... I expressed to him last night I have this performance anxiety. Like I feel like I’m super boring in bed ?? 😅 ESPECIALLY WITH... someone I barely know!! Ehehe. Im worried I won’t.. be. Like. ADEQUATE. I really don’t know how to word anything 💦 I fear being disappointing. But oh god do I wanna fuck them both. I really wanna hop into bed with them both... IT WOULD BE SO EASY IF WE ALL JUST... had a night where.. we all cozied up to watch a movie and maybe have a few drinks and just start making out the way my darling and I always do but with an added husband bonus HAHA//// I think the more organically it happens the more comfortable I would be. Not that I’m h uncomfortable when I get invited. Just gives me too much time to overthink and psych myself out. Hehe// anywho... The trip in NY was good, a little bumpy in the middle cause my love had some bad brain time with idiots badgering him but.. it ended on a nice note. After we got home His husband went to bed and we stayed up.. all night. Getting High and having sex with twilight zone playing in the bg ehehe. Ohhh man I just. COULDNT GET ENOUGH OF HIM. thinking about it again is making me light headed ohhh yeah. He made me cum so much it was dizzying. I think the smell of pot is gonna straight up make me horny now LMAO

The next night was the same. Our last day together was cozy. We had nothing planned, it was nice to just lay out and be together. He spent some time watching tv with his husband and then we meandered down and got high and did it ALL OVER AGAIN. Except we straight up didn’t sleep the second night and just. Had. A lot. Of sex. OHH BOY... so much. He brought the brat out of mE, man. He edged me so hard and so long (or at least it felt like an eternity) I cussed at him and told him I was gonna kill him 🤣 and he got mean with me and edged me more and made me melt and made me crumble into him. It was a very intense orgasm. HO BOY. We stayed up all night.. he’d have to cover my mouth and tell me to keep it down. It was so hot?!? We went upstairs then waited for his husband to go to the cafe he frequents at. And then we fucked one more time and I got to be loud and cry out for him and it felt SO good to finally be vocal after having to more or less keep it down the whole night.. my hearts DRUMMING.

Last night he told me he loves our sex and it’s some of the best he’s had?!?!? Which caught my ass off guard considering I feel like a shy Virgin every time sex comes up. So that made me genuinely happy, too..

Anywho that’s enough recapping. I’m in love with my boyfriend.

#soulmate #naughty talk #trip no. 3 #trip no. 4 #yes i will number all of them. also i need a new strap on

[offshore-writes-blog]

searching for a roommate: maybe also love (2/?)

soulmates!au  (part 2/?)  part 1/

genre: lots of angsttttt pairing: Mark x OC inspired by prompt: (i’ll add the link of the list when i find it) 8. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.” 100. ”You’re my soulmate?!”

when the door bell rings, i’m in the kitchen cooking, stretching my neck to watch the tv from there. who is that? i try to remember if i’d ordered anything recently. and as i look out the peep hole, i'm startled.

it’s mark.

i open the door and stare at him. it’s that spellbound feeling. “hey.” i finally say and continuing staring.

“hey, i’m mark.” he introduces like i could forget him. i mean…not that i think he’s that memorable. but he is insanely attractive.

i laugh softly. “i am aware.” i nod. “please come in..”i trail off and step aside as he walks in. “um,” i clear my throat. “what’s up?”

he stands in our little hallway before the kitchen and looks at me. “oh god, you don’t remember.” there’s a look of panic that flashes onto his face. and that hurts my chest a little. he shakes his head, looking down and laughs too himself. “ah, nevermind.”

“what?” i find myself mimicking his soft laugh. “what happened?” I'm scared that i did something stupid that night with him too. god.

“it’s nothing. it’s kind of dumb.”

“please. i love dumb things.” i ease into a smile, watching him as he looks around the hallway. it’s the blandest part of our apartment. but we have picture frames of ray and i; now new pictures of him and ed while it’s me and my other friends.

his neck’s really long. and i stare at his lips. also how his hair falls over his eyes. he finally looks at me but I'm mesmerised by how beautiful he is. “it’s embarrassing if you don’t remember.”

“oh no.” i mumble, frowning. “did i kiss you or something?”

“why would you do that?” he chuckles, eyes on me again. intense.

“so tell me.”

“you told me you were looking for a new roommate? and i also need a place to stay at since bambam and my lease is up.” he explains and i wish he spoke longer because i remember how i’d felt that night when i first heard his voice. so soothing.

“oh! oh my god!” i grin like a idiot. “i don’t remember at all but.” i nod at him excitedly. “will you move in with me?” this giddiness is so strange. like it’s not just that i found a roommate but it feels another level of happy. i ignore it. maybe because everything’s been kind of shitty. this is a win.

“of course. that’s why i came. you told me to come.”

“god, i’m such an idiot.” i laugh and he does too. “please you can look around. sorry it’s a mess.” i say as i gesture him down the hallway and i head back to kitchen.

mark decides to stay for dinner. he jokes that i’m just trying to get him to become my roommate by making him delicious dinner. he says my food is delicious. that makes my heart flutter. because it definitely isn’t. ray always wants to order take out.

it’s weird but we stand in the kitchen; drinking wine as we clean the mess i made as i was cooking. there’s a blanket of silence over us but it’s comfortable. and i can hear him hum once in a while. i do that all that time i wanna say but i just smile as i wash the dishes. he comes over beside me as he’s put all the pots and pans away.

“so, you and jaebum?” he finally says. he doesn’t put weight on it. like it just flows out his mouth and he’s not trying to start anything.

“yeah, it’s just dumb. i mean there’s nothing there.” i give him a glance as i put the dishes onto a rack to dry. “i just have the biggest fucking crush on him and he doesn’t even realise.” i admit and continue scrubbing the dishes away. mark only “mhms” as a reply and starts drying the dishes.

“what about you?” i finally ask after we’re done with the dishes. “are you seeing anyone?”

his eyebrows raises and mouth slightly open like he wants to say something but decides against it. “no. not right now.”

“bambam and grace are soulmates huh.” i say just something to throw out there.

“yep.” he nods before taking a sip of his wine. “their marks are right on the side of their ring fingers BOTH of their ring fingers the left and the right.” he says almost like a exasperation. “i mean like … how cheesy is fate.”

i laugh. “i know right. god, same with ed and ray. everybody’s so in love.” we both look each other and laugh a little.

everybody’s so grossly in love.

//

mark moves in two weeks later. it only takes him a day to move everything in. he has very few belongings. as it turns out, i also own very few things as i realise when ray takes his things from our my apartment. he left the couch (we did buy that together though) but most of the clutter in the living room has always been his. so the living room’s bare now.

most nights, when i'm home and not deep in research for an article, mark and i stay in and watch something on netflix while one of us cooks. i like this routine. he’s a pretty quiet guy. so we hadn’t had a house warming party. i would like to. i think he does too. he hasn’t said anything but i feel like he does too.

“so i get that i have,” i pause and shake my head at myself. “i had feelings for jaebum. unrequited feelings for jaebum but why are you single?” this is just a curious question i throw out, as i do the dishes. i know mark’s behind me leaning against the counter; waiting to dry the dishes. he’s always hovering in the kitchen when i’m in here.

there’s no sound from him. (that’s really common with him) the only sound is of me and the running water from the sink. at first i think i’m prying too much but with mark and me, it’s really another level of comfort that i hadn’t even thought twice before asking.

“well, this whole soulmate thing. i don’t wanna bother with someone else.” he finally answers. “like i know that people still date even if they know they aren’t with their soulmates but i wanna try it out with my soulmate first.” from the way he stops, i can tell that he has much more to say but stops himself.

“how would you know that they’re your soulmate?” i scoff a little, throwing him a glance.

“there’s this…” he hesitates and even with my back turned to him; i picture him licking his lips and biting the corner of his lip. “i mean, i heard there’s this like moment where it just clicks for you.”

a spellbinding moment, huh...

//

“jaebum, hi.” i smile at him brightly. his broad shoulders and arms engulf me as he rests his head into crook of my neck. “i missed you too.” i breathe.

“i’m sorry for being…such a dumbass.” his brows furrow as he looks at me apologetically after he pulls away. 

“it’s okay. i’m just glad you still want me around.”

jaebum nudges my shoulder. “i can say the same about you.” there’s an easy smile on his face with his eyes almost disappearing. for a moment, the two of us just linger where we’d just hugged despite the fact the party’s happening. but he pulls me into the living room now.

there’s only a handful of people at the party because i have a small circle of friends and so does mark; unsurprisingly. we’d spent just the afternoon ‘decorating’ by that we mean, cleaning up and just putting up a banner that says ‘welcome to our humble abode’; we might’ve been under the influence when we bought that; thinking it was hilarious. 

“so how’s living with mark?” jaebum asks as he walks onto the balcony as he’d asked me to wait for him as he brought drinks.

i don’t know why but i can’t help but smile giddily again. “it’s really nice.”

“really nice?”

“stop!” i punch him playfully. “like he’s just easy to be around.”

he nods and smiles at me, sipping his beer. i think he thinks i like mark. i don’t. i mean i like him but as a roommate and a friend. i am aware he is attractive. like insanely. but it’s because i am a person with eyes and taste. not because i wanna kiss him bad.

“he’s a pretty quiet guy. doesn’t say much. but i’m glad he’s being himself with you.” jaebum adds, only reassuring me further than mark and i are totally hitting it off as roommates. but i sense jaebum’s tone that he’s hinting at something else.

“he and i stay in and cook dinner most nights.” i say with a smile that i can’t erase. i don’t know why i tell jaebum whose suspicions are confirmed by my admission. “all i’m saying is that i think i couldn’t have found a better roommate.” i raise my hand defensively and laugh. he throws me another funny look which earns him another punch to the arm. we sip our beers in silence again but both of us have smiles on our faces; looking down at the view from our balcony or there lackof.

“i barely saw you.” i tease mark as he sends off the last of our guests. he looks over at me and i can’t decipher the expression on his face but i assume he’s just tired because i am too. plopping onto the couch, i turn my head to see where he is.

“yeah, i didn’t you see either.” something in his voice tells me he’s not in a mood to joke.

i sit up straighter as he still stands by the door. “what’s up?”

“nothing. tired.” he walks past me and heads into his room, without glancing at me. um..weird.

i’d spent most of the party; making sure all the guests were having enjoying themselves. it wasn’t hard because i invited all ten of my friends. (im very popular) not to pick favourites; but i’d spent most of the night with jaebum since jackson’d picked mark over me tonight. ray and ed were a no-show because they’re on a sickly unmarried honeymoon. but the roles of sickly sweet couple was also played by grace and bambam who are often bickering but even in their snarky comments i could actually feel the love. good lord.

since mark’s tired and acting weird, i decide to clean up on my own. he must be actually tired. there isn’t much of a mess but there are just a couple of beer cans and wine glasses here and there. i sweep the floor, take the trash out and do the dishes. it’s 4am by the time i’m done and it’s practically for me to go to work.

//

mark’s still a little weird the next few nights. but i don’t ask. if he wants to tell me he will. i don’t wanna be pushy. but i might explode. i thought we were fine. i thought we were having fun being roommates. he stays in his room and doesn’t even come out for dinner even though we’d silently decided what our nightly rituals were. so i’m a little hurt that he’d do that to me. why’s he suddenly building a wall between us? like we already know each other now and he decides NOW after moving in together that he wants to be a stranger. what a weirdo.

//

on a rare day off, i invite ray and ed over. they rave about the new additions to the living room. mark chose most of the things. i think. we agreed easily to whatever the other said. we got new shelves for the living room and new posters to hang. i also splurged on a vinyl player to add to the new shelf. ray and i’s old bluetooth speaker just doesn’t do with the new living room so a vinyl player just did it.

but really, i invited them over to have some life into the apartment. mark and i haven’t really spoken. also the mark on my chest (top of my left boob, let’s be real here.) is getting more prominent; if it’s a soulmate thing, i feel like they’d know.

we talk about their not-a-honeymoon-but-totally-a-honeymoon trip. the two of them seem closer now more than ever. but they still talk about the struggles of living together; bickering about how the other never helps with [insert any random roommate problem] which makes me smile because they’re acting so married.

“so,” i clear my throat. “guys, i have to show you something. please don’t be weirded out.”

ed looks at me strangely. “arista, you are like the daughter i will never have.” he jokes which makes me laugh and nods for me to go on.

“well, wait. i have to be shirtless for this.” i say and ray chokes mid-ship of his lemonade.

ed attends to an almost-choked ray and throws me a confused look. “is this a threesome suggestion? because we are not that couple, arista.” he jokes again and i’m rolling my eyes again. ray smacks his arm; rightfully so.

i’m pulling my shirt over his head. “okay, so, is this a soulmate mark?” i point to my chest. “it’s been getting more dark? like when i first saw itit was kind of pale. and now, it’s been getting more noticeable and i think it’s slightly bigger. it’s the size of a dollar coin now before it was like a cent.” i’m rambling now.

i’m standing before them awkwardly as ray approached me taking a closer look.

“i mean, probably, arista.” he says and sits back down. “about time, huh?”

i sigh. “this sucks. now i know he exists. now i won’t stop thinking about him.” i groan into my shirt, still shirtless.

“isn’t that like a good thing? i mean—“

“mark, hey!” i greet, interrupting ed. he stopped a few steps behind the couch; processing what the fuck is doing on. his mouth slightly open and watching me; brows furrowed. i realise I'm shirtless.

“um, hey?” mark speaks and his voice sounds so sweet. not sweet to me. but the fact that i get to hear his voice again i’m melting inside. his tone’s confused though. ray and ed also greet him and start chatting away as i head back into my room and put on my shirt. (also gather myself because that was really embarrassing)

“so we’re just entertaining guest shirtless now?” mark says quietly as i cook in the kitchen. i hadn’t even realised he’d come into the kitchen. he’s rarely in here anymore. it’s just been me and the sound of the vinyls from the living room most nights.

i kind of scoff and laugh. “it was just a weird moment.” i don’t say anymore. i don’t want him to know anymore about me if he’s putting up a wall around himself. mark’d retreated almost immediately to his room after ray and ed’d left a couple of hours ago.

“um, and the context was?”

“can you stop with the um’s?” i answer, annoyed. still unwilling to face him, i stir the paste sauce with more focus.

“sure.”

“whatever.”

there’s nothing left to say after whatever. but i feel him linger in the kitchen. is he expecting me to say more? because i’m expecting him to say something too. this is the most i’ve heard from him after that party. i want to know why he’s being like this.

giving in to the silence, i speak.“i know jaebum said you were a quiet guy but why are you being so standoffish?” 

“yeah, jaebum said i’m quiet so i’m quiet.” there’s something venomous in his tone. like he wants to fight and i want to as well. i throw my wooden spatula, annoyed.

“what is with you?” i still don’t face him. “don’t fucking answer. keep your cool quiet guy act.” leaving him in the kitchen alone, i make it a point to push past him but still not look at his face because it’ll hurt my heart. he just looks so much like angel and i’ve never seen him angry.

----one (1) new text message----

mark roomie: i made dinner it’s the pasta you were making it’s in the kitchen don’t worry i’m not there 

fuck him. i’m not going to answer. i force myself to sleep. i’m hungry but i’m more hurt and angry with him. so i’ll starve myself. i have too much pride for someone who’s lived through her top 5 embarrassing moments in front of mark. (and i’ve only known him for 2 months)

#mark tuan fic #mark tuan soulmates #soulmates au #got7 fanfic #got7 imagines #got7 imagine #OC #got7 fic recs #got7 fic #mark tuan angst #got7 angst #marktuan #marktuanfic #got7 jb #got7 jackson #mine #offshore-writes

[agentdammers]

Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x10

its the continuation of the saga that no fucker asked for!!!! Today we have torched wood 1x10 “out of time”, which also happens to be personally my favourite episode of the show so far

content warn: pisstaking blah blah, fun having, references to owen harper’s nips that absolutely no one wanted to see or hear

GENUINE CONTENT WARN /// this episode includes suicide

- ah, this episode!!! which has stayed with me, but not in the same way that the fucking infamous “cyberwoman” did. no, i originally began to rewatch a little of torchwood back in 2013-4, but after this episode i was Deeply Upset and had to stop for a while....... and kind of never picked up the rest of the series from there. so basically! this is the last episode that i’ve actually seen more than Once, In 2006, when it originally aired.

- anyway.... it begins. here lands the plane, time travelled from 1953. oh no im already sad!!! this is a sad episode, guys

- Owen Very Goblin Tier at the beginning of this ep

- does anywom remember Sugar Rush??? or Girls in Love, the series they made based off that jacqueline wilson book?? i had to pause to go imdb the young one the find where i knew her face from and it got me all nostalgic. but, i digress,

- just remembered that toshiko gets literally fuck all to do in this episode lmfao. even ianto gets more stuff in this one

- i dont know why but its really tickled me that the hub is covered in tinsel its just like a regular office fffghgdgh

- VERY FORTUNATE that the 50s man would turn on the radio to radio 3 apparently, like this was 2006, imagine if the first thing he heard was a blast of “sexyback”

- the idea that theyd need fake 2006 names is v odd to me bc like.... who would. who would go “WOW you have the same name as a generic man of no historic significance who disappeared in 1953!!!” like..... d. does it matter. idk

-  Ianto getting spectacularly Owned by the sight of bananas overshadowing his explanation of how modern technology works warms my fucking Soul!!!

- i love stuff like this, i love ppl from the past experiencing the modern day this whole sequence with them shopping is so cute!!!!!!! i never seen someone so excited abt asda!

- WHEN I REWATCHED THIS EARLIER I MISSED THAT THEYRE TRYING TO MAKE TEA BY TEARING OPEN TEA BAGS AND EMPTYING THEM INTO THE TEA POT IM FUCKNGI SHITTING MYSELF

- Owen straight up dropping a fart joke on diane............ P U S S Y   M A G N E T

- i love my 50s daughter she’s so cute let her go carol singing!!!!! fuckkkkk

- Don’t Like that john apparently cant smoke in the pub but diane’s smoking in a fucking restaurant??? yeah can i get uhhhhhhh some chicken with my ash

- ah!!!! can see owen’s pecs!!!!!!! he looks good!!!!! fuck this!!!!!!!

- liver for dinner! truly they are from the 50s

-  "I never had this sort of trouble with my son". John ellis u BITCH, your son was never thrust 50 years into the future, alone, where everyone he’s ever known or loved has been long dead!!!! shut the hell your mouth

- Owen Confirmped To Wear Makeup

- OWEN’S ROCKHARD NIPPOS DETECTED!!!!!!! TITTY BOOBIE. FUCK extremely dangerous to dual wield Diamond Hard nippers in an apartment that seems to be 90% glass, to be sure

- and continuing of the theme of male nudity WELSH BEEF ALERT: RHYS SIGHTED IN THE NUDDY

- God, john’s story is so fucking brutal!!!!!! the only person he has left in the whole world has alzheimer’s and doesn’t know where the fuck he is, let alone remember him!!!

- “There’s no puzzle to solve, no enemy to fight. Just three lost people who’ve somehow become our responsibility.” - jack nailing Hard what makes this episode so fucking good honestly

-  Somewom tell gwendoline...... that rhys is bad in bed bc he's a straightman. Thats the edge that owen has. Jot that down

-  Having said that, his choice of date location....... a carpark? Baby,

- John’s story takes its final fatal brutal turn as he decides he has nothing left to live for..... fuckkkkk. Also harrowing is the implication that jack would also die if he could: “its just bearable... it has to be. i dont have a choice.”

- not to be salty but........ always its m/f couples with the “being Deeply Intensely In Love after knowing eachother several fucking days” nonsense. im a full gay and i dont care bitch!!

- why does owen have such a flash car? whats the story behind the soft top honda thing? You look at that man and tell me he does not look Every Inch the fucking owner of a subaru. a subaru with a massive fucking spoiler on it. TELL ME, HONESTLY, that that IS NOT 100% a fucking Owen Mobile For Real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- this must be the most ruthless break up owen’s ever had. “i love you but also bye bitch im off on a suicide mission into the sky” ?????? OK????? THATS NORMAL???

- OH NO baby boy!!!!! baby!!!!! the sad owen shot at the end is so good!!!

AND....... THAT WRAPS UP the Best ep so far! UP NEXT: Welcome to WEEVIL FIGHT CLUB BITCH

#grand torchwood rewatch 2018 #long post/

[doggonneit]

The Last Red Scribble | Part 1/2

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Single Parent AU

A.N. This is a part of the KuroTsuki Gift Exchange 2017, written for @moonislander on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo.

[Read on AO3]

Monday PM

(2:33) I’m about to slam my head into the wall. (2:33) Tobio got into another fight. (2:34) He’s fucking five, how does he keep picking fights.  

(2:35) what a champ

(2:35) What the fuck, Akiteru. (2:35) You’re not supposed to say that.

(2:36) wrong number bud but legit (2:36) tobios got a future in cage fighting (2:36) whos tobio

(2:38) Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

(2:40) well dont leave me hanging (2:40) i need to know who to put my money on in the future

(2:41) Don’t make this weirder than it already is.

(2:41) :)))))

(2:42) Tobio’s my son.

(2:43) are you an old man (2:43) is that why you started texting me (2:44) STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

(2:45) What the fuck, no. (2:46) I messed up my brother’s new number. (2:46) Evidently.  

(2:46) eviDENTly (2:47) arent you all smart and proper (2:47) thats how i like em

(2:49) Are you seriously flirting with me over text? (2:49) You don’t know stranger danger at all. (2:50) I don’t have time for this.  

(2:53) :((((( (2:55) come back

(2:56) I have to deal with my son.

(2:56) what an adulty adult (2:57) tell tobio hes a fucken champ

.

Tuesday AM

(7:22) sooo (7:22) i know your brothers name and your sons name (7:22) but not your name

(7:25) …

(7:25) hint hint

(7:26) Have you seen the latest stranger danger campaign? (7:26) It’s got your face all over it.  

(7:27) you think youre being funny but my mates crack jokes about my ugly mug making children cry (7:28) would tobio cry if he ever saw me

(7:30) He doesn’t even know what you look like.

(7:31) *image attached*

(7:34) I really don’t have time for this. I’m getting Tobio ready for school.

(7:35) if life were a party youd be the clown that sucks all the fun away (7:35) XP

(7:36) Why are you making that face?

(7:36) you hurt my feelings so im sticking my tongue out at you

(7:38) No-one uses that emoji for hurt feelings.

(7:39) i just did (7:39) XP (7:39) oh look i just did it again (7:39) XP (7:39) and again look at me go

(7:42) All right, all right, I’ll ask. (7:44) Tobio says you look like you killed a cat.  

(7:44) how does someone even look like that (7:44) your son needs glasses (7:45) what do you think then (7:45) smouldering eyes wicked grin (7:45) admit it im pretty

(7:46) Yeah, pretty atrocious. (7:46) What’s with that hair?

(7:47) HI THIS IS KUROOS BEST FREIDN FOERVER BOKUTO PLS DONT METNION HIS BEHDEAD IT MAKES HM SELF CONSCOIUS

(7:47) Aww. Is Kuroo sulking now?

(7:47) sajfkdsjp (7:47) asdffhajlkkasdfghijkl

(7:48) I feel like I should be concerned. (7:50) I am actually concerned.  

(7:51) how do i get rid of a body

(7:51) What.

(7:51) how do i (7:51) get rid of (7:51) a body

(7:51) Cook him and serve him to the police who knock on your door asking for his whereabouts.

(7:52) babe thats brilliant (7:52) youre a committed accomplice now

(7:52) On a scale of 1-10, how often do you hit on nameless and faceless strangers over the phone?

(7:52) 1 (7:53) its only ever been you (7:53) *heart emoji*

(7:53) I’m flattered.

(7:53) we have a dilemma (7:54) you know my name and my face (7:54) ive lost the advantage (7:54) who are you o mysterious phone man

(7:54) You really want to know?

(7:55) yes!!

(7:55) Well (7:55) My name is (7:55) *middle finger emoji*  

(7:56) i am (7:56) fucking betrayed (7:56) my own accomplice

(7:57) :)))))

.

Wednesday PM

(4:17) *image attached* (4:17) fight gloves for tobio when he grows up lololol

(4:20) Don’t even joke about that.

(4:21) did he get into another fight (4:21) whatd he do steal another kids party pie

(4:22) He ruined someone’s sandcastle.

(4:22) that punk

(4:22) He also threw the bucket at their head and made them cry.

(4:23) holy shit (4:23) i know you cant see but im pissing myself laughing

(4:23) That’s the second time this month. (4:24) Is he going for a new record? How concerned should I be? (4:24) I should ask my brother for advice.  

(4:24) okay but in all seriousness (4:25) dont kids usually act out because theyre upset about things

(4:26) Yep.

(4:26) you sound like you know whats going on

(4:27) Yep.  

(4:27) is the thing not an easy fix

(4:28) Tobio can’t exactly move back into his old neighbourhood and old school.

(4:28) ohhh (4:28) i get that totally been there (4:29) though that happened to me in middle school so i handled it differently

(4:30) You mean you didn’t stomp on sandcastles and throw buckets at people’s heads? (4:30) Shocking.  

(4:31) real mature of me ayy (4:31) but its chill tobio just needs time to adjust

(4:32) He’s been living with me for four months already.

(4:33) hes trying to survive a new environment (4:33) go easy on him

(4:35) All good and well until he accidentally kills one of his classmates.

(4:35) what could he possibly do (4:35) nah dont answer that

(4:36) You’re not inspiring much confidence right now.

(4:37) okay hows this (4:38) the most dangerous thing in a school is a pencil (4:38) if he stabs it through someones eye (4:38) what are the chances of a five year old having that good of an aim

(4:39) We could be surprised.

(4:40) lets give tobio the benefit of the doubt (4:40) have i brought your fears to rest or nah

(4:50) You’re interesting to talk to, I’ll give you that.

(4:50) is that why youve kept talking to me despite the anonymous and rather suspicious nature of our relationship

(4:50) Sure.

(4:51) *heart eyes emoji*

.

Thursday PM

(6:44) ive been thinking

(6:46) Make sure you give yourself a break every ten minutes. We wouldn’t want to strain your mental capabilities.

(6:47) hush child i got something to say (6:47) about tobio sort of

(6:48) I’m listening.

(6:49) so yesterdays conversation made me go all introspective (6:49) and if all tobios doing is throwing things (6:50) the lil guy will go far in life (6:50) i mean when i was five i was eating sand

(6:51) Congratulations, you just tripped over the lowest bar society set for its most basic standards.

(6:51) savage i love it (6:52) bokuto just called me a masochist (6:52) he doesnt even know what that means i bet he learned it from akaashi

(6:54) … (6:55) Who’s Akaashi?  

(6:55) the most beautiful man to grace the earth and bokutos boyfriend (6:55) im not even kidding his face was sculpted by gods (6:56) *image attached*

(6:57) Wow.

(6:57) exactly (6:57) no one knows how bokuto snagged him (6:58) my moneys on witchcraft

(6:59) Have a little more faith in your Best Freidn Foerver.

(6:59) hes my best bro but he does NOT have that much game

(6:59) You misspelled Best Freidn Foerver.

(7:00) all right he types like an electrocuted toddler (7:00) hes there for me during the good bad and ugly (7:00) and i support him 100% (7:01) but theres no logical explanation for how he got akaashi

(7:01) Maybe he has charm.

(7:02) gasp (7:02) babe (7:02) did you just imply i dont have any charm

(7:03) I didn’t say anything of the sort but it’s an apt description.

(7:03) you really are a savage (7:04) totally my type just saying

(7:05) For all you know I’m a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly.

(7:05) im a personality kinda guy anyway (7:05) so what do you look like

(7:07) Shh.

(7:07) ?

(7:07) Can you hear that?

(7:07) ??

(7:08) Stranger danger.

(7:08) DUDE COME ON (7:08) or are you actually a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly (7:08) because no judgement if you are

(7:10) *image attached*

(7:11) holy shit (7:11) HOLYS HIT (7:11) AJGSFAJKALHHJKKKLLLL

(7:13) Uh. (7:14) Hello? (7:15) Are you there? (7:18) I’m actually kind of worried now.  

(7:20) Hi, this is Akaashi. Kuroo’s fine; he’s muttering to himself on the floor. (7:21) Something about being sculpted by gods and touched by angels?

(7:22) What the fuck.

(7:22) Nice selfie :)

.

Friday PM

(9:28) arms (9:28) abs (9:28) legs (9:28) sore

(9:31) Do I really want to know? (9:31) No, I don’t.  

(9:32) :( (9:32) i experienced life death and hell all in the same day

(9:33) Now I can’t not know.

(9:33) i had vball training for a match next week and it was torture (9:33) and when we thought it was done no (9:34) we had practice matches with alumni and it was torture round two (9:34) then i had coaching which i usually love (9:34) but the kids kept spiking balls at me (9:35) 10 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS BODY 50 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS HEAD 100 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS NOSE

(9:36) You play volleyball?

(9:37) thats all you took from that

(9:37) I used to play volleyball in high school.

(9:37) wait are you serious (9:37) what position??

(9:38) Middle blocker.

(9:38) me too!! (9:38) what are the chances of us both playing vball and being middle blockers (9:39) this is destiny i feel it

(9:40) That was another lifetime ago lol.

(9:40) once a vball player always a vball player (9:40) how tall are you

(9:41) 195cm, why?

(9:43) 195 and yOU DONT PLAY VBALL (9:43) this is a crime (9:44) tell me tobio plays vball

(9:45) I... don’t think he’s ever tried it?

(9:46) the outrage (9:46) how could you (9:47) i just felt my heart crack (9:47) oohhh the pain

(9:47) Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?

(9:47) i (9:47) ijakl

(9:48) ?? (9:50) Did you disappear on me again. (9:50) This seems to be a growing trend.

(9:51) Hi, this is Akaashi again. Kuroo is currently incapacifjskkl (9:51) WAHT DID U DO TO MY BSET FREIND FOREBER WHYS HE ALL RED N CHOKN ON HIS WORSD

(9:52) Oh. (9:52) Scroll up.

(9:52) OHO (9:53) OHOHO

.

Saturday AM

(11:10) my mates wont stop laughing at me (11:10) i live in a house of dicks (11:11) cant even escape them theyre on my team (11:11) i blame you

(11:15) Sucks to be you lol.

(11:15) are you taking pleasure in my pain

(11:15) It sounds wrong when you put it that way.

(11:15) ;) (11:16) i’m still upset though (11:16) make me feel better?

(11:17) You seem to think I possess the ability to feel pity. (11:17) I don’t.  

(11:18) you know what you do possess (11:18) the ability to feel annoyance (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) is it annoying yet (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) !

(11:19) ALL RIGHT, STOP.

(11:19) victory

(11:20) What do you want.

(11:17) whats your name

(11:17) Are you serious.

(11:17) i wanna know

(11:18) You reek of desperation.

(11:18) not gonna change my mind

(11:19) …

(11:19) wanna do the whole !!! thing again

(11:21) Fine. (11:21) You’ll ask politely.

(11:21) dom huh (11:21) im into that (11:22) will you pretty please with a cherry on top tell me what your name is

(11:22) N (11:22) O (11:22) *heart emoji*

(11:24) i cant believe (11:24) how could you (11:24) youre so mean

(11:24) :)))))

(11:25) shouldve expected it (11:25) do you always play with peoples hearts like this

(11:25) I enjoy jerking you around. You make some pretty good entertainment.

(11:26) glad to be of service :’)

(11:26) I suppose I could throw you a bone.

(11:26) im not falling for it this time

(11:26) Tsukishima.

(11:27) …

(11:27) My name is Tsukishima.

(11:27) it is (11:27) up down left right with you

(11:27) Disappointed?

(11:28) NEVER WITH YOU (11:28) TSUKKIIII

(11:28) No. (11:28) Do not.  

(11:28) i love your name its beautiful like you

(11:29) I revoke your right to say my name ever again.

(11:29) TSUKKIIII (11:29) *heart eyes emoji*

(11:32) I have never regretted anything more in my life.

.

Sunday PM

(3:24) You said you have a volleyball match next week, right?

(3:28) is this a dream (3:28) are you actually texting me first

(3:29) Miracles abound today.

(3:29) yeah i have a match next week why

(3:29) I mentioned it to Tobio and he got really excited. (3:30) He made me explain everything. I spent hours talking about rules and moves.  

(3:30) i  knew that kid had the vball genes in him

(3:30) I even dug up some old practice tapes from high school. (3:31) He’s obsessed with setting.  

(3:31) hed get along with my setter (3:31) that arrogant ass (3:31) i love him though

(3:32) *image attached*

(3:33) what… is that

(3:33) Tobio’s lack of artistic talent.

(3:33) i hope you didnt tell him that

(3:34) He said it was you blocking and scoring the winning point.

(3:35) he drew a picture of me?

(3:35) He captured your likeness down to the last red scribble.

(3:35) omg… omg...

(3:37) It’s not that big of a deal.

(3:37) youre not ruining this for me (3:37) this is the best day of my life

(3:37) Remember when we talked about low standards?

(3:37) your son loves me

(3:38) He drew a picture of you.

(3:38) and how many other people has he drawn???

(3:38) …

(3:38) thought so (3:39) tell my biggest fan i said hello and thank you (3:39) its the prettiest picture ive ever gotten

(3:39) Don’t get nudes much, huh.

(3:40) wow (3:40) WOWW (3:40) that went beyond savage (3:40) that was straight up murder

(3:41) You like it.

(3:41) yeah im really wondering about that masochistic streak

(3:41) About that.

(3:42) ??

(3:42) I was thinking (3:42) If you were interested (3:42) I could help you explore that.

(3:44) i just dropped my fuckign phone (3:44) are you fucking with me right now

(3:45) Yes.

(3:46) i fucking hate you

(3:46) No, you don’t.

(3:46) no i don’t

(3:46) Why do you keep falling for these things.

(3:47) actually im falling for you

(3:47) Seriously.

(3:47) hope (3:47) its all i got buddy (3:49) is this going to be like last time when you said no but then changed your mind

(3:50) No.

(3:50) dammit

.

Monday PM

(7:18) happy one week anniversary babe (7:18) do i get a gift (7:18) eyebrow wiggle

(7:21) Did you just type -eyebrow wiggle- at me

(7:22) *video attached*

(7:23) I did not ask for a video of you wiggling your eyebrows.

(7:23) its my gift to you

(7:23) I’m so… grateful.

(7:24) cmon gift gift gift

(7:24) I don’t know, I don’t have anything. (7:24) Actually (7:25) *image attached*  

(7:25) omg is that tobio (7:25) hes so fucken cute wtf (7:26) look at those hamster cheeks (7:26) whats he eating

(7:26) Blueberry cupcake. (7:26) It’s his reward for behaving in school.  

(7:27) aww no fights today?

(7:28) His teacher said he engaged positively with other students. He was trying to play volleyball with them.

(7:28) omg thats adorable (7:28) i see where he gets it from (7:28) are you teaching him how to play

(7:30) I taught him how to receive but I’m rusty. (7:30) I should look into classes for him. (7:30) Do they even have classes for kids that young?  

(7:31) the rec centre where i coach does (7:31) idk about other places though

(7:31) Whereabouts is your rec centre?

(7:32) shh

(7:32) You’re not doing the stranger danger thing on me.

(7:32) do you hear that

(7:32) Can you hear my sigh travelling across the wind.

(7:33) STRANGER DANGER

(7:33) Are you done.

(7:33) my centres in tokyo lol

(7:34) It wouldn’t happen to be the Tokyo Sports and Recreation Centre?

(7:34) how did you know that (7:34) oh my god this is real (7:34) STRANGER DANGER

(7:36) It’s a twenty minute walk from my place.

(7:36) i know i just joked about stranger danger but should you really be telling me that

(7:37) Take it as proof that I don’t think you’re a predatory serial killer.

(7:37) thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me (7:38) *heart emoji* (7:38) well if youre interested the kiddy classes are wed 5pm and sat 10am (7:38) you can go to one or both

(7:40) Hmm.

(7:40) times no good?

(7:42) My brother has Tobio on both those days. (7:42) I’ll have to talk to him about this.  

(7:43) ahh dont wanna encroach on uncle nephew bonding time

(7:43) I don’t think Akiteru will mind-- he used to play volleyball too.

(7:43) how did you ever think tobio wouldnt be a vball player (7:44) its clearly in his genes

(7:44) Wishful thinking. I never really liked volleyball.

(7:45) what no (7:45) why

(7:46) It was just a school club. I only did it because it was something to do.

(7:47) you come into my house

(7:48) Lol.

(7:48) well hey its paying off now (7:48) i bet tobio looks at you like youre a god

(7:49) Yeah. (7:49) It’s the first time he’s really looked at me. (7:50) So thanks. (7:50) :)

#kurotsuki #kurotsukiexchange #Kuroo Tetsurou #tsukishima kei #haikyuu!!

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 11 - “I Was Able To Dodge That Bullet” - VILMA

I literally look like the biggest boo boo the fool right now. Like I’m so cocky and stupid and tumblr survivor makes me want to eat glass

https://youtu.be/GAe_c8bHBjc

Okay honestly, after that tribal, I feel fucking awesome, and so many people still have no idea what happened First off, Jared I am so sorry that you believed my PMs during Tribal that I thought I had the votes to get out Nicole.. I knew one of you would play something, and I high key would not be surprised if Nicole ended up actually having another big ticket advantage sitting in her pocket from ghost island, but im going to wait on that concept for now until i see something from them. Maybe we can flush another advantage out of their pockets? lmao I am protecting Jared's role in this for as long as I possibly can, and Roxy's too. I had Dan hammering me for who told about the plan, and then ofc Alex wanted to know too, but he can eat a dick for all I care (in the context of the game of course.... love him to death as a person), and I'm just not going to tell anyone. I want Jared to maintain all the relationships he has on a 100% trust basis, so that way if he feels like he's gotta tell me something, he's going to be able to have that information I had to fill Regan in, and I know she is still 100% on my side because she is being VERY open about who she wants out after what happened this round. Dan? I really really want to trust him again, and I think I cut a huge tie of his removing Ricky from the game, and now I have to give him a little bit of what he wants.. I want to pick his brain and really see his top choice of who he wants to go this round, and I am going to try to help him be successful in that move, so that he can trust me. I really want him to say that he wants to go for someone, and for me to 100% support him on it. It's going to be one of the biggest leaps hopefully, in his eyes, that I trust him again and I've got his back.. As for Asya, who was another one who I was surprised about.. She doesn't know that I know yet, that she spilled our alliance to Ricky, and that Ricky dished that information back to Dan, and THAT is another reason as to why Dan didn't trust me, so I'm keeping my eye on that for now, but I really just want Asya to trust me also. I knew I needed Asya and Dan back on my side the MOST after this entire debocle, and by getting rid of Ricky, which cuts off both of their ties with a strong player, I draw them closer to me, and them seeing me as one of their bigger options. The best thing with Asya too is that we had a legitimately genuine conversation about how we could get closer and we should open up more about our personal lives and not even get to know each other on a game level, just because this is our second game going deep together, and I want to get to know her y'know!!! I think my position is definitely a million times better than it was before tribal, but I'm definitely not out of the weeds yet. Dan and Asya seem to be back and genuine with me, and I know Jared isn't going to just save me one round, and then take me out the following round. It'd be foolish, so i think I've got that relationship too, along with my strong allegiances with the people I've already been working with, knew about every facet of that move, and still trust me (i.e. Augusto, Roxy, Vilma, Regan). I know that my chances of making it to the end are getting smaller and smaller because what I did to protect myself, and HOW I pulled the move off really impressed my closest allies, and I know the gold medal is a lot more appealing when there's 6-7 people left in the game than loyalties, so I know my chances are already shot, especially because the only people I think would actually want me to go to the end with them are Augusto and Vilma, and even then is a bit of a stretch, so now it's just a game of how deep I can get and how well I can play off everything that's just happened....... As for my next move? Literally chop Alex's head off with a machete until he's into a million pieces, cooked in the shitty ass pot we've been using for 34 days, and then be gone :) 1. Telling me at tribal that we weren't going to rocks LIVE to try to get me to change my idol play was a MOOD. Alex is dead ass one of the worst liars ever, and if you know you can't let things come out of your mouth and be 100% confident you're being convincing with what you're saying, then leave it over text.. like lol 2. Looking like his dog fucking died when I played my idol was priceless, but also extremely telling of how badly he wanted me out 3. Lying to me the entire day and not telling me about the vote...... bitch bye 4. Saying "ha ha" when I said "final two my ass" when the votes were being read 5. RE ENFORCING THE F2 WE HAD FOUR DAYS BEFORE THIS TRIBAL COUNCIL HAPPENED...... literally such an lol So yea. I think I have more. I definitely would have to go back in my host chat, but in the realm of the game, everything Alex has done has made me want nothing more than for him to go, and the best thing about this entire concept is that I think there are people on "the other side" who would not mind voting out Alex either because his social game kinda sucks and he's a liability to keep around because he is the entire reason the Dan blindside got blown up, and I know Jared was pissed about that.. The reasons are too good, but now it's just if I can pull it off. At the end of the day, I'm on cloud nine after that last tribal, and it's time to go to work to see if I can make a thing or two more go my way.. I'm just trying to survive as long as I can and continue to have fun playing the game, bc tbh, I'm having a fucking blast right now lmao

(A LITTLE LATER)

THIS IS ALSO ANOTHER REALLY FUNNY MOOD BIG PRO OF RICKY GOING HOME WAS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE REGAN COME BACK TO RICKY SAYING "oh yea johnny said in the main chat that you wanted me out by accident" BC I DID DO THAT, BUT NOW RICKY ISN'T HERE TO TELL THE TALE Hopefully Regan isn't mad at me and finds out about it at some point, but Ricky said he didn't even pick up on it when I said it the first time lmao oops? Ready for this auction tomorrow!!!!!!

I stan trying our best to win things in the auction, only to win absolutely nothing. I am laughing so hard haha my life Is falling apart, I can't even get an idol, Nicole goes to Ghost Island. I am literally shook. It's not really bad for my game? And I feel like I'm good at Touchy Subjects? Idk, I'm just hoping I make single digits. As far as my game goes, I'm gonna try to be super social this round and make up some time. I want to get back with Johnny and Augusto and really form a bond with them again because I feel kinda bad about the last round, but also not at the same time?? dflkjdaslkfdj idk? I feel like this game is picking up and I really like where I'm sitting.

that auction sucked

https://youtu.be/vrhmDKxdB7w

I forgot to make a confessional again. Anyways, so the true tea is I have no clue what is going on in this game at this point. I’m pretty sure I’m the weakest competitor here? Which is fun because nobody will go for me heh heh heh heh, and this round they can’t anyway because I am on GHOSF ISLAND! It’s very lonely here and Isaac has not yet let me play the game but it’d be super cute if I got something else that I could will to Jared because I think he might be in trouble this round. We are going to hang out with Johnny today in person and I CANT talk about the game with either of them which is a blessing because I feel like it’s all they would talk about with me. Anyways I think everyone knows....I’m not giving my 100% effort to this game right now. But once I tackle this depression and my hair grows out and I lose ten pounds and get my ghost island game and get an idol and idol out Johnny even though he’s immune and Johnny drags Vilma and Dan out with him so I don’t have to ever vote Dan out, it’s over for your bitches. Straight up.

https://youtu.be/3rwZpqAyoUE

This round should be interesting? I kinda feel good? But I’m not entirely sure obviously. I feel like I have no other play but be with Augusto, Johnny, and Vilma. I feel like I could get closer to Jared, but I’m tired of playing the middle. I feel like I’m doing okay for not even doing well in any of these challenges. I’m trying not to be too much of a comp threat this game. I love my edgic being INV this round probably bc I’m not doing shit

I think my name has been completely worked out of the discussion for this round. I hope that's accurate, if not... good on everyone. Now I just have an important game altering decision to make. Augusto or Alex? Well, it turns out Regan might be idoling Augusto? Which is good I guess, but if Alex plays an idol too, THEN WHAT. So I could throw my vote on Dan, with the potential of it going to a tied vote. If I got rocked out because of that?? Never forgiving myself. I don't know what I'm going to do quite yet, but I have less than 40 mins to figure it out. The other thing is that I could be getting votes and look like an even bigger idiot for making this confessional. Oof. Okay let's take a look-see at the numbers. Johnny, Augusto, Roxy, *Regan- Alex Alex, Asya, Dan, Vilma- Augusto * = unsure. I could weaken Dan tremendously here by taking out Alex, but I'm also taking out someone who I've been loyal to the whole time. I have built a lot of trust with Johnny by leaking last rounds vote, and I literally met him and Ryan from Mykonos with Nicole today in Times Square. And then Disney Amanda and Steffen showed up. Iconic? I am partial to testing Johnny's trust, but, I don't really trust him at all. I really really trust Roxy though, which could be a huge mistake. I see her and Asya as frontrunners at this point. Anyways this is getting rambling but this game is a MESS and I feel like a sapphire-idoly boii Tune into tribal, it could very well be a good one folks.

Aaaaalright last round was such an emotional rollercoaster I had to skip confessionals to avoid having to cringe at them afterwards. Here's a recap: Earlier I was told rumors that Johnny had been talking around telling several people that Dan and I wanted to vote Nicole out, which I don't ever recall telling to anybody so when I heard about the rumors I was obviously suuuper confused. Days went by and I had heard from multiple different people that Johnny was the one to start those rumors but I remained suspicious, because I couldn't really see a good enough motive for Johnny to do that. People kept telling me that he has a tendency of wanting to play the puppet master and wanting to shake things up and cause drama between people. I didn't want to believe it but since nobody ever came forward to deny the rumors I decided to keep my eye on him. Next tribal I heard Johnny was getting targeted, and originally I was trying to see if there was any way I could save him from going home, but I knew Dan was unhappy with the Johnny rumors and would likely flip to take him out, so I decided it would be smart of me to go along with the majority and sacrifice him. I also saw him as a big threat, so even though I genuinely like him, I didn't think it would have been a horrible thing from my perspective if he went home. But a little over an hour before tribal Johnny comes forward to tell me that he has an idol! Plus he asked me permission to pretend it was the idol I found from Takamaka. I WAS SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK because I ended up somehow unwillingly positioned in the middle of this whole mess and whatever I decided to do I would end up backstabbing someone and making them angry. I was having a major breakdown in my host chat but let's not talk about that. Then Johnny asked me to actually vote HIM so people wouldn't suspect we were working together....... O-M-G. That plan sounded perfect; I wouldn't have to backstab anyone and I would have a chance to get out of a shitty situation without too much blood on my hands. Johnny tried to make me change my vote to Nicole last minute but I refused and voted Johnny anyways to keep on everyone's good side, whoops. I was also pretty happy Johnny decided to idol Ricky out, since I never talked to him too much and he was close to Dan and Asya, who I hope will now more likely rely on my help if they ever need extra numbers to make a move. After the vote I tried to clear things up with Dan, Asya and Johnny and I think nobody is too angry at me anymore which is nice. I was afraid I'd end up in the middle of a huge drama and I'd like to consider myself a drama-free person so phew I'm so happy I was able to dodge that bullet. Okay this confessional is already super long I think I'm writing a separate one about this round see you soon HEHE.

I’ll make a more in depth one soon but some people are trying it tonight and like... where has this trying energy been all game (@Alex) because it jumped out all of a sudden! If I do go home tonight, I think I’ve played a solid game thus far and had a pretty good experience as people such as Johnny, Vilma, Regan, Dan, Roxy, and even Jared sometimes have been awesome to me and made things fun! ❤️

okay uhm confessional time i----- I won immunity, which was awesome. The killer touchy subjects strategy of putting what you think the majority is going to say both times came in CLUTCH In terms of the touchy subjects answers? nothing really surprises me. being predicted to be voted out next just makes the most sense since seven people just voted for me.. so I understand why i got that one. I should've put myself too tbh, but I think I got the more intuitive ones correct, so that made me feel kinda good Tonight's tribal? I'm praying Alex goes home.. The kid still hasn't come to me about voting for me, after swearing up down left and right a f2 with me, and I find it kinda shookening, especially since his name is going around tonight, and I'm genuine when I say that if he just approached me, I probably wouldn't have been so hellbent on wanting him out, but oh well.. i hope he goes I know Augusto is getting the other bulk of the votes? I'm not SUPER sure who is voting where.. i've heard dan is being a dickhead again and he might go for augusto. I know Regan might be playing her idol on Augusto at tribal, which would be #dramaaaaaaaaaa and I really hope that this is alex or asya maybe playing a vote steal to get the numbers on their side, because then regan would LEGITIMATELY have to play the idol.. oh well, we'll see. she said she'd play it on him also in other news, I hungout with Jared and Nicole IRL, and because we RESPECT the game that's going on, when we were walking around the city, I spent a lot of time talking to Jared about today's vote and how arbitrary it's been for us to be on opposite sides, and guaranteeing that if we joined together that there'd be nothing stopping us, and then he offered me a 100% f3 with him, that we'd try to get to the end of the game together. I am 100% planning on accepting it with the intended purpose of keeping it true. I just hope that it isn't one of those things where he's like "oh yea we're not going to vote you" but then votes out all of my closest allies instead and im stuck in the game getting dragged to finals via jared's strategic play, but honestly, I believe the man. He seemed very genuine, and if he isn't being genuine, then he's a snake and it is what it is anywhom.. praying augusto stays and nothing bad happens to him. alex going would be best for my game, especially because I just think he deserves what's coming to him after how last round went with him and I, and the excuses he made for breaking our f2

I trust no one but Johnny fuck everyone. Fuck wasting my idol. But I have to  Jared and Johnny both told me to play it so he res to that

#itsgametimekids

[readingwriter92]

90-100!

90. Do you like your age? 

I mean I’m still technically a teenager so I hate the usual assumptions about teenagers. But as a kid I hated growing up so I’m okay with being young since that means i have less responsibilities XD. (ima little baby of mah tumblr :D) 

91. Do you like your name? 

So I’m super paranoid so I don’t use my real name online(even tho it legit wouldn’t matter) but I actually like my name. its funny I have always used a short form of my name so when my teachers see my real name on my report cards and stuff they’re always super confused. I’ll prob keep the name Sarah on here but my real name is Rosemary (I dunno why im so paranoid about telling people this XD. This’ll prob get buried under my posts but one day i might just switch to Rosie idk) 

92. Have you already thought of baby names and if so what are they? 

So I don’t think I ever seriously thought I wanted kids but when I was in elementary school I had a joke with one of my friends where I would make up weird names that would use if I ever had kids. The only ones I remember was “Gothin” , “Joe the girl” and “Juliet the boy” cause i guess that was my humour back then… :)

93.Do you want a boy or a girl for a child?

Weirdly I feel like I would want a boy. I have no clue why tho? I feel like they’d be chill (tho if they’re my kid they would be lazy and geeky prob anyway) 

94.What are your strengths?

I mean…I’m bad at fining those kinds of things for myself XD I don’t think of myself highly lol. I guess I’m good at making my friends laugh??? Does being good at binge watching good? 

95. What are your weaknesses? 

Procrastinating. Annoying. Loud. (which someone tried to tell me was good) Awkward as hell. the list goes on lol…

96.How did you get your name? 

My mother wanted to give me a long name with a short form. My father always jokes about wanting to name me hey, so you could say “hey, hey!” but he also had wanted to cal me Lilly. My mother didn’t like that XD

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that i’m aware of?? maybe super far back, tho that would be pretty cool!

98.Do you have any scars?

Surprisingly no. I got a 2nd degree burn on my arm when I was in gr.7 from trying to catch a pot of tea (i had just filled with boiling water..) but that disappeared. I also burned myself with an iron which had left a scar for a bit on my leg but that’s now also disappeared. I probably have scars from acne considering how bad am i at not picking at that kinda stuff (sorry if thats a gross way of saying that lol) but nothing yet. 

99. Colour of your bedspread?

green and white pattern. with like purple pillow covers from a different set cause I don’t care i they match lol. I forget what the exactly colours of my sheet are cause I sleep with like 6 blankets. 

100. Colour of my room?

Green! I didn’t choose that but I never really cared what colour it was. It seemed like a pain to paint it and I have sticky notes of writing ideas covering my walls so i don’t really notice it anyway. 

Thanks so much for the ask!?!?!

#thanks #doctornineandthreequarters #ask #mutual #thanks for curing my boredom for a bit

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 11 - "I'm apparently boring, don't deserve to be here, have no idea what's going on and next to be voted out." - Chelsea

Odd to see more fans than faves now... I might need to do something about that.

Most of my game rn is trying to act confused and like an ORG rookie to downplay a potential target. I want to seperate this devon/alyssa/jess trio next tbh

So...

Devon is a cool guy and all but???

WHY ISN'T ANYONE TRYING TO GO AFTER HIM OVER ME?

<insert "I Don't Understand" gif here >

He's been caught playing both sides. He has strong relationships with everyone and no one is doing anything about it?

I-

Honestly he's a big threat so I need him around ONE MORE ROUND and then I think it's time to get him out. He's cut throat, he's intelligent, he is cocky, and he gave me nightmares with his VL he forgot to make private on his Youtube Account...

TOODLES.

Not sure if i said this but im glad we were able to be unanimous and got JD out. It looks like our alliance Tim’s Angels formerly known as Jones’s Angels is in a good spot. Me TJ and Jonesy are in the middle between a possible Chelsea Aidan Dani vs Devon Alyssa Jess battle. Hopefully it gunna happen cuz Aidan did express worry about that trio. I just want me Jonesy and TJ to be good for the next couple rounds.

Oh the struggle is REAL right now.

TJ is up to some SHIT. I can FEEL IT.

My gut is telling me that's he's against me and the people I trust the most (Devon/Alyssa).

HOWEVER, FOR SOME FUCKED UP REASON:  My head still has some doubts that these are his intentions right now? I'm probably super naive for thinking that he has my back in any capacity after he single-handily took me out of this immunity I NEEDED just for my own personal sanity.

TJ is hands down the SCARIEST person when his back is against the wall. I won't be surprised if he attempts to stir the pot and try and get me up and out this round. I can see him exposing me and my Zwooper rep. I can see him saying me/Alyssa are close and if no one gets us out yada yada yada.

Right now I really just want to chill the fuck out and do nothing. I was kind of hoping someone else would throw out a name by now.

I need to be careful and try and make sure that Devon/Alyssa don't push Dani/Aidan to do something they "don't want to do" again this round. If ANYTHING TJ TOLD ME IS TRUE then this scenario could be a nightmare situation.

This is gonna be a mess. 9 is usually my LUCKY number... but...

Not quite sure what to think here. On one hand, I do believe Aidan is thinking about his future and spoke with TJ about potentially breaking up myself/Jess/Alyssa. I believe Dani has more knowledge on the situation as well.

On the other hand, by throwing TJ under the bus at this stage, we potentially scare Aidan and Dani into staying with us for one more round, and TJ is 100% the next-largest strategic threat in the game.

We are running out of people to trust at this stage, but staying past this round is going to be important.

Note: Watch out for Jones and a potential all-girl alliance. Dani said she wanted to take out anyone but Jones, and Jess has noted that she could get Jones and Maynor to flip with us if need be.

I don't have time tonight to discuss voting with people but i think im actually going home tonight as per the touchy subjects results. I'm apparently boring, don't deserve to be here,  have no idea what's going on and last to find out everything, and next to be voted out so....... yeah. That's all i have to say. If i get voted it's no hard feelings, just wish people saw the real threats.

I'm incredibly thankful to have immunity this round because I fucking deserve it and shit is just hitting the fan for some odd reason. I don't know what to expect or who is going home tonight but I'm trying to have trust in my alliance but I don't know if they have trust me in. I trust Dani and Jess but aside from that I don't know who holds me in high regards /and/ I think I've developed as somewhat of a social threat after winning this challenge as amazingly as I have.

There are a lot of names going around right now and I got dragged through the mud by TJ and now apparently Alyssa but I think they're both trying to frame EACH OTHER. I never trusted that skank but I don't trust that ginger cunt either. And if she's still salty over me cutting her rope then GET OVER IT.

If this is the other side trying to make cracks then they're taking advantage of the challenge beautifully... but there were cracks to begin with tbh.

I don’t know what going on but I’m scared!!! So. I want Tj to go but who knows

OKAY OKAY UMMMM SO MAYNOR AND I MIGHT BE DIRECTING THIS VOTE??? FUCK

so the target has completely changed from Devon -> Alyssa and i feel fucking AWFUL i wanna die but that's FINE who cares about my healthy happy body mind and soul anyway it's not like i ever had one hahahhahahhahahahHA

so the day started off like so,,,,, apparently,,, according to alyssa,, TJ's been spreading LIES and a whole lot of shit,,, but that doesn't make sense yk? TJ's literally IN COURT and OUT OF TOWN last night and all day today yk? so when would TJ ever have the time to spread shit if he was busy?

the original plan of teaming up with Aidan and Dani was almost destroyed by these lies, because they bought most of the "tea" that was being "spread" by "tj" WHEN IT WASN'T!! if anything they probably heard it from Devon? that's the most believable for me at least. But all TJ was saying was what he heard from alyssa: that she wanted to vote out dani.

SO MAYNOR AND I our little asses go into panic mode and try to switch to DAMAGE CONTROL. we basically exposed what Alyssa said to Aidan and Dani about her wanting to split up the duo/use the vote steal,,, hopefully it works? i have such a bad feeling it's not, but i'm trying to be confident yk?

[togcpi]

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?it’d be weird because i’m ace but i wouldnt mind tbh

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? we’re close friends. it was a recent kiss so?

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? like heroin or meth? probably. but like pot or smth idc.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yes. its seven letters.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? drunk

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? every conversation i have hahahaha

7. What does your last received text say? miss u too

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? fuck if i know

9. Where was your last kiss at? my bed

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? don’t have a sister

11. What do you drink in the morning? typically an energy drink

12. Where did you sleep last night? the extra bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? yeah, but the right one is worth it, IF you can make it work

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? yeah, i’d probably make myself more clear

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? nah, we’d have a lot of fun

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? warm and thunderstorming

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? nah. i know a lot of people with elise as their middle name and i knew a girl who’s first name was serenity, but no one’s got the MIDDLE name serenity

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? sweatpants

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? damn hopefully

20. Does anyone like you? i think so

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? ya.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? yes lmao

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? there are a couple

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? i have two and i’m working on saving up for my third so yes

25. In the past week have you cried? i’ve gotten teary eyed but i havent cried cried in like a year lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? on tv: pitbull. irl: whatever the fuck my weirdo mutt is

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? out of

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? nah

29. Do you think you’re old? nope im a baby

30. Do you like text messaging? yes cause then i can ghost if i need to

31. What type of day are you having? it was fine

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? i have my septum pierced and i’ve had my nostril so yes

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? warm

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? oh yeah, my two best friends are both dudes

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? my ace ass? take a guess.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? depends on the day

37. What song are you listening to? i’m watching homeward bound

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? yes, i rarely apologize without meaning it 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? lmao nah.  40. What made you start liking the person you like now? idk she’s funny as hell. fucking gorgeous. she reciprocated. she’s always been too good for me, and that just made me want to be good enough for her all the more.  41. When did you last receive a text message? 11:37 pm (an hour and 13 minutes ago) 42. What is wrong with you right now? lmao i’m stuck on someone who loves me but isn’t healthy enough to be with me. it’s a fucking mess. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? pretty well! we dated. we’ve gotten closer since we broke up. there’s a lot i don’t know, but we tell each other things we don’t tell anyone else. 44. Does anyone disgust you? lmao yah 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? bitch yes 46. Are you in a good mood right now? not really i have a headache 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? my brother i think 48. What color shirt are you wearing? a grey redford shirt (support your local psp by checking out our signature brand of dog food, comparable to taste of the wild and blue buffalo but at a more affordable price :~)) 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? nah not really 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? i’m fucking trying 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? no. i’m in love with her ass.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? ......... 53. Do you like rain? yes 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? considering i’m not a controlling, abusive piece of shit, no lmao 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? nah i usually end up telling the person 56. Do you like to cuddle? yes on a good day. i actually prefer to have my hair played with tho 57. Are you shy? nah 58. Do you get along with girls? yes  59. Have you dated the person you texted last? yes 60. What do you carry with you at all times? my cell phone, my wallet with my keys, my smile :) 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? fuck yeah. i got loans to pay off shit 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? with the right person, yes 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? oct 31, yah 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? FUCK yes 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? i mean my cat’s been chillin and that’s always cute. love ha.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 18, 19, and 19

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? if i have money to spend, pay to get em done    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? neither the fuck 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? i had a “stop bigotry” anti trump sticker but someone stole it :(     70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? neither     71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iphone     72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? a couples weeks ago    73. Do you like diet soda? FUCK no. the saccharine is just as bad for you as the sugar and it makes me jittery AND it tastes disgusting    74. What color are the walls in your room? green. ugly.    75. Are you 16 or older? yes    76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? no    77. Do you have a job? yes      78. What are your initials? esb    79. Did you ever have braces? nah    80. Are you from the south? im from va which is technically south but i dont count it :/   

81. What does your last status on facebook say? let’s MCFREAKIN LOSE IT (about my mitski concert tickets)    82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? kinda but not really. we talked about trying to date again but then she disappeared off the face of the planet lmao    83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? used to be dad, but i haven’t seen him since like feburary cause he’s a mess. so its mom.    84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? no    85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? get out i think. or rogue one. whatever came out later.    86. Do you smoke? socially    87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? flip flops     88. Is your phone touch screen? yah    89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? however it combs out (wavy ish)    90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? no my mom dgaf if i leave    91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pool. i do not fuck with bodies of water other than the ocean, pools, and bathtubs.     92. Have you ever made out in a car? yes    93. …Had sex in a car? no    94. Are you single or in a relationship? who the fuck knows.    95. What were you doing last night at midnight? idr the fcuk     96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? probably fourth of july last year     97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yeah its fine     98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? no    99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? no    100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? idts    101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? yeah but like a fake one. i thought it was divine conception or whatever. i’m a lesbian lmao    102. Name your favorite Kesha song: tik tok    103. Do you have any tan lines right now? nah idts    104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? for money or laughs, yes probably  

#fuck yall imma just answer em

[tea-and-toblerones]

I hijacked this.

1: Name:: Deanna 2: Age:: 24 3: 3 Fears:: spiders, being told I love you when they really don't, utter failure 4: 3 things I love:: Video games, music and art 5: 4 turns on:: Dorkiness, awkwardness, kindness and a sense of humor 6: 4 turns off:: flip floppy behavior, narcissism, arrogance, and thinking yo ass is better than everyone else. 7: My best friend:: @bestiejessie 8: Sexual orientation:: Hetro, but with an appreciation for the female form 9: My best first date:: pff, I'll let you know when that happens, yeah? I've never really been taken out 10: How tall am I:: 5′7" 11: What do I miss:: being as carefree as I was 12: What time were I born:: Monday, August 24, 1992 at 9:18 PM 13: Favourite color:: Red. Blood red. 14: Do I have a crush:: My heart only poops it's pants for celebs and fictional characters at the mo'. It's easier that way. 15: Favourite quote:: “I may be an asshole, but I'm not a 100% Dick" Peter "Star Lord" Quill 16: Favourite place:: By the water. On the water. Floating in the water. I love water. 17: Favourite food:: PIZZA IS LIFEEEEE 18: Do I use sarcasm:: Nah mate, not at all. 19: What am I listening to right now:: The Final Fantasy VII Soundtrack 20: First thing I notice in new person:: eyes, scent, timbre of voice, and their vibe 21: Shoe size:: 8 22: Eye color:: gunsteel blue 23: Hair color:: medium brown. For now. 24: Favourite style of clothing:: Grunge queen in the fall/winter Cute and lacy in the spring/summer 25: Ever done a prank call?:: not that I'm aware. I have terrible anxiety 27: Meaning behind my URL:: I just love tea and toblerones mate. 28: Favourite movie:: Howl's Moving Castle 29: Favourite song:: Yellow by Coldplay 30: Favourite band:: Imagine Dragons 31: How I feel right now:: Chill/excited 32: Someone I love:: EVERYONE. Cept for one single person. 33: My current relationship status:: Emotionally attached to a fictional character cos I'm trash. That answers that, eh? 34: My relationship with my parents:: Me and my mam are tight. My dad...nah mate, not so much. 35: Favourite holiday:: HALLOWEEN BITCHES! 36: Tattoos and piercing I have:: My gauges. 37: Tattoos and piercing I want:: Sylleblossoms and a sword from FFX, Calcifer from Howl's Moving Caste, a sea scape, trees, a dragon... 38: The reason I joined Tumblr:: I needed an Ed outlet before my friends murdered me. 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?:: He cut his face open to be more like Ed so I would take him back. I don't hate anyone, but that boy is pretty damn close to it. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?:: My brother texts me WAKE UP from time to time. Do those count? 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?:: Texted, yeah. Messaged, nah, just licked their face. 42: When did I last hold hands?:: romantically? Last year. In general? Last night. 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?:: pff what is this morning you speak of? 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?:: Sure have. 45: Where am I right now?:: In the FFXV/Ed trash heap where I belong. 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?:: Jessie if they're not already passed out. 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? :: loud 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? :: unfortunately 49: Am I excited for anything?:: THIS WEEKEND 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?:: yes 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?:: 25% of the time? Ish 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?:: earlier today 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?:: I be surprised he grew a spine and kissed a girl other than me, but that's about it. Probably cheer him on. Get him a drink. I'm such a bro 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?:: nah mate, I hardly trust anyone 55: What is something I disliked about today?:: almost falling outta a chair cos I fell asleep 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?:: Ed Sheeran 57: What do I think about most?:: that I'm trapped in a stagnate place and I'll never get free from it. 58: What’s my strangest talent?:: I can remember exactly how people/ feel. Like their skin and whatnot, like I'm physically touching them, but im not. And their scent and their voice. And their eyes. Is that a talent? 59: Do I have any strange phobias?:: the snuggle bear creeps me the fuck out. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:: behind 61: What was the last lie I told?:: that I was gonna go to bed early. Does it count if it's to yourself? 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?:: video chatting cos I have a fear that people can't understand what I'm saying due to the fact I used to have an impediment with a lisp so at least they can read my lips. 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? :: sure do. Seen em. Felt em. Have one thats attached to me. He's cool. Chases away the bad stuff. And yeah this universe is way to big for us to be the only ones 64: Do I believe in magic?:: yep 65: Do I believe in luck?:: very much so 66: What’s the weather like right now?:: kinda coldish? But not terrible (I'm horrible at judging how cold it is. I never wear a jacket) 67: What was the last book I’ve read?:: King Killer Chronicles 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?:: I'm weird so of course I do 69: Do I have any nicknames?:: Nanna (which I always go by) 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?:: um, well one of my insides got very angry with me and hurt and I couldn't move and was fevered and puking and made my back hurt. I was too stubborn to go get checked out so I dunno what happened but it got better on its own. 71: Do I spend money or save it?:: both. Usually save though 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?:: I've got quite the long tongue, I can actually stick it up my nose if I tried. (Drunk me has) 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?:: Not that I can see 74: Favourite animal?:: Foxes, Ravens, and raccoons 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?:: Partying with my ladies getting ready to bar hop with the band 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?:: Morningstar. He owns a nightclub called Lux in LA. 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?:: Thrift Shop 78: How can you win my heart?:: by being an adorable awkward dorky nerd like me 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?:: something utterly ridiculous probably 80: What is my favorite word? :: probably a swear. 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @weareedsobfg (imma cheat too) @ferskendag, @tenerife-lucy @lordedsheeran, uh....I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? :: pterodactyl noises and arm flaps cos social anxiety 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?:: it would be quicker to list the ones that weren't. 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?:: the power of imagination (whatever I can imagine happens) 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?:: How do you feel 86: What is my current desktop picture?:: A picture of graveyard I took in New Orleans 87: Had sex?:: yeah 88: Bought condoms?:: yeah 89: Gotten pregnant?:: no 90: Failed a class?:: math. All the math 91: Kissed a boy?:: yeah 92: Kissed a girl?:: yeah 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?:: I have in the snow 94: Had job?:: yeah had job 95: Left the house without my wallet?:: almost everytime 96: Bullied someone on the internet?:: Nah mate 97: Had sex in public?:: Sure have 98: Played on a sports team?:: INDOOR PERCUSSION BITCHES 99: Smoked weed?:: Not smoked it, but had some pretty delicious banana nut pot bread. 100: Did drugs?:: besides the pot bread, nah mate 101: Smoked cigarettes?:: No 102: Drank alcohol?:: Oh yeah 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?:: Once upon a time 104: Been overweight?:: very much so 105: Been underweight?:: when I was born 106: Been to a wedding?:: I've been to so many 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?:: ALL DAY, ERRYDAY 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?:: I'm a binge watching mofo 109: Been outside my home country?:: no but I wanna 110: Gotten my heart broken?:: yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game?:: Yes and I don't even like sports. 112: Broken a bone?:: surprisingly no 113: Cut myself?:: all the time on accident 114: Been to prom?:: no, I was the weird loner outsider kid. You know the one. 115: Been in airplane?:: Sure have 116: Fly by helicopter? :: no but I've been in one 117: What concerts have I been too?:: Alice Cooper and Watch Them Rot 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?:: Kinda ish. 119: Learned another language?:: I used to know a lil Spanish but now, not so much 120: Wore make up?:: every time I leave the house even though I don't need it anymore cos I got my eczema under control (the miracle of aloe yall) 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?:: Nope 20 122: Had oral sex?:: I have 123: Dyed my hair?:: so much. 124: Voted in a presidential election?:: No 125: Rode in an ambulance?:: Nope 126: Had a surgery?:: Nope 127: Met someone famous?:: uh, mickey, minnie, goofy and pluto? 128: Stalked someone on a social network?:: who hasnt? 129: Peed outside?:: so many times 130: Been fishing?:: yep 131: Helped with charity?:: yep 132: Been rejected by a crush?:: *laughs to infinity* CAN'T BE IF YOU NEVER TELL EM (yes, yes I have. Indirectly) 133: Broken a mirror?:: So many I'm cursed forever 134: What do I want for birthday?:: the same thing I wanted last year. A hot ginger. (And video games. Always video games) 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?:: 2 boys. And maybe like William or James or something weird cos I love weird names 136: Was I named after anyone? :: Deanna Troi from Star Trek: the Next Generation. 137: Do I like my handwriting?:: yeah it's pretty okay 138: What was my favourite toy as a child?:: MY PINK POWER RANGER ACTION FIGURE 139: Favourite Tv Show?:: Supernatural, Sherlock, Doctor Who, American Horror Story, Arrow, Flash, Legends of Tomorrow...don't make me pick one. 140: Where do I want to live when older?:: with someone I care about. 141: Play any musical instrument?:: piano, marimba, xylophone, vibraphone, bells, drums, guitar (not well, I have ZERO rhythm) 142: One of my scars, how did I get it?:: playing with my dog 143: Favourite pizza toping?:: If I had to pick one, pepperoni but mushroom olive and pineapple please 144: Am I afraid of the dark?:: nah, that's where all the stars are 145: Am I afraid of heights?:: nah 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:: no, I was a mild child 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?:: Oh you mean my life? 148: What I’m really bad at:: everything 149: What my greatest achievments are:: well I stopped someone from killing themselves. I also tend to make people laugh and feel better. 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me:: I only said I loved you so you would stay (though literally already knew it but worst fear right there) 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery:: get outta debt. Get my friends outta debt. 152: What do I like about myself:: people say I'm sunshine. I like that. 153: My closest Tumblr friend:: @ferskendag and @tenerife-lucy 154: Something I fantasise about:: being happy with someone I care about, being financially stable while doing my dream job and traveling the world. 155: Any question you’d like? Do you know the muffin man?

[rykenzero]

THAT furry

If you're not a furry, and you ever become one, don't let one incredibly rotten, poorly developed egg ruin the whole fandom for you.  There's no shortage of bad apples, but we’re not low of gems either.

Right now, I can't stop thinking about this particularly unbelievable furry I've just had a short altercation with.  Maybe if I fume about him, I'll be able to put this grudge down a little faster.

This guy, let's just call him Roach the bear, to protect his identity.  He was in all these telegram chats I was in, and he was always stirring people up, rubbing them the wrong way and starting petty fights with people by being as obnoxious as possible.  He was in 18+ chats, despite being 17.  Yeah yeah I know, big deal, right?  Everybody drinks and has sex when they're in highschool and everybody smokes pot.  Nobody cares if they're talking to jailbait anymore.  The big deal is 100% on what a horrible troll he is, and what an insufferable personality he has.

Now, I blocked him back in November, he was banned from a few of the chats, and everyone was relieved he was gone.  A couple days ago, a new person appears, and the first thing they tell me is they're about to ask someone out.  Like I always do when someone says they're about to pop the big question, I ask how long they have known each other.  A year.  That's good, a year is plenty of time to know someone.  And it's Roach.  Okay, now I have a problem.  The guy goes on to say how handsome Roach is in real life.  And I'm just like, oh no, not Roach.  Please don't.

Immediately in defense of Roach, he says he's aware of what Roach has done, and he suggests that I stop now, lest I make myself look like a drama maker.  I respond that I just don't understand.  He says, maybe if I wouldn't bring crap up, maybe I would understand.  That I am not him, and I cannot tell him what to do.

Of this, I am aware!  So I just say, what I don't understand is why he would ask Roach out if he's trying to avoid people who start crap.  Not that it's any of my business.  He responds that yes, it isn't my business, now shut the fuck up about the whole thing, and grow up.

SO aggressive!  In my head, I was like "This is obviously Roach on an alternate account, 99% sure" and I blocked him as well.

A moment later I get a ping from a public chat, and it's him tagging me, about to start some crap in that chat.  I say one thing, that this guy is trying to start something with me, he responds simply "Naw" and that's the end of it.

He continues to chit in the chat, I guess he didn't want to get himself in trouble in the group on his alt account if he was already banned on his main account.  He's talking, he has the same IM mannerisms as Roach, he changes his name often like Roach, and he changes his name to something very Roachesque.  It's as if they have the same obnoxious brain.  At this point, that 1% fused to the 99%, Voltron was revived and I was now 100% absolute it was Roach.  I couldn't believe no one else was picking up on this.  Other people in the chat who HATED Roach were talking to him like he was just the new guy who appeared in the chat 2 hours ago, oblivious to his true identity.  This guy is good, but he's only good enough to fool people who aren't already on his case.  Roach apparently said yes to being his mate.  Like the little creepy scumbag that I am, I scroll down to the blocked Roach, and see he hasn't been active for 45 minutes.  Unless they were chatting on another medium, Roach did not say yes to this guy.  Not that it matters, because he and Roach were the same person all along.  I hope he doesn't break up with himself over his unBEARable personality.  Fat Roach bear and buff Cinnamon wolf forever(alone).

Cinnamon Roaches aside, there's also the people who are suicidal in the chats, and so incredibly mentally unstable.  I tend to not comment on them, and just clam up when they come around, because I know they probably actually can't help it like Roach should be able to.  Still makes me uncomfortable when someone is threatening to kill themself, and they're calling someone who is just trying to help them a high-and-mighty shitfuck.  Do you want help or not?  I know I KNOW I KNOW there are some actually unstable suicidal people out there, but this one absolutely reeked of someone wanting attention, not help.  Voices screaming in their head, rudely fishing for reasons to be liked and reasons not to pull the trigger.  They go "You hate me" and someone says "No I don't" and they say "You're lying" and someone says "I have no reason to hate you" and they say "Then you're a fucking idiot".  DO YOU WANT HELP OR NOT?  Again, I try to stay out of it.  It's so frustrating to have every helpful suggestion and supportive response thrown back at you with such acrid spite.  I don't know how such infantile behavior can be tolerated in a public chat room.  Maybe they were actually suicidal, but it just seemed like someone being an attention-seeking antagonist to me.  I’m not a professional, I can’t smell the difference.

Honestly, it has been SO LONG since I've come across anyone like these two.  I can't believe they've both appeared in the same month, so early in the year.

But anyways, these are two furries you will absolutely meet.  Even if you meet them at the gateway, please do not allow them to single-pawdedly shape your impression of the fandom.

Welcome to the furry fandom.

[yoitscro]

Ramble time again, lol

My brain has felt “stuffed” for last few months and I think I’m starting to figure out why? Maybe. I mean, outside of the obvious ADHD and depression. It’s more so that it’s felt stuffed over the last two years, actually.

I had some projects that, within the last year, have fallen back from where they should/should’ve been. The next reanimate should been worked on at this point, the pesterquest dub should be half way, meenahquest had to be revamped to the point that i may limit it to either myself or a VERY small team...so on.

I’m choosing to not listen to anyone who claims it’s because the pot finally boiled over with how much I carry. Yes, I do A LOT, more than I should, but I tend to feel a bit hurt if anyone suggests that me being overwhelmed is solely on me and not, like, outside factors. It feels ignorant and slightly one-upping on me for no reason, and like, I’m not going to take that well, lol.

My run of projects was fairly well before that and it isn’t just because I finally bit off more than I could chew. It’s because 2020 set EVERYONE back. It consisted of me being an essential worker during the midst of the pandemic, on top of being one of the many black people in America that were stressing to hell and back. Also, I’d been trying to (still) get over overall trauma that’s come from having a falling out with some ex-Homestucks that decided that publicly trying to stomp out a black person in the beginning of February was some kind of heroic justice. I also still have to live with my mom...which is, alot.

It’s been a mix of things that’ve left me, more so than usual, feeling angry, fatigued, sleep deprived, anxious, depressed, and semi-suicidal (I say semi because having a fear of pain has only had me at most to think about the most painless way to go versus...doing anything. also i still have too many things i wanna do. too many people i still care about for these...rhetorical scenarios. which. still isn’t good).

I guess you could say there’s a lot more going on that maaaaybe just maybe puts projects on the back burner, reasonably so, and well, I’m never one who’s taken well to salt being put in my wounds.

(I remember someone I once considered a friend suggesting that I go to therapy, or asking if I looked into it, despite ignoring the fact that they’d been one of the people that, if not had given gossip to others*, then at least knew that I was being singled out and didn’t do anything to help or at least provide understanding. They in fact felt annoyed that it was getting worse and I was talking about it so much as a sign of help versus actually caring, or at least telling me directly that they didn’t want to hear more, which, while still callous, would’ve sucked less.

*they told me they didn’t and got offended that i even asked, overly defensive, and in the back of my mind I thought about how I was told by another party that they were specifically the one that shared stuff from a private server. though i held my tongue cus that would’ve gotten more people involved...)

(It also sucks that I literally got into HStwt, the time of bad times, the month following when my ex-best friend ghosted me and left me severely depressed in the winter of 2018, but I digress. I’ll save that for another ramble)

I think my recent head stuffiness has more so contributed to the fact that after years of connecting myself to the HS fandom, 6, and overall to fandom throughout my life, I’ve finally found the confidence and skills to want to make something original. Not only that, but to do some other things, such as having time practice in other art medias, overall doing art studies with a pencil, etc. Even doing things outside of my creative outputs, like exercising, or watching an anime or playing a game I wasn’t able to get into two years ago because I was worried about a zine schedule when I wasn’t working or at minimum doing doodles on the side.

Work still doesn’t help. This year I clocked in at 100 hours in two weeks once. It was dreadful.

I also got deep into a new fandom which...hasn’t actually happened SINCE Homestuck. But funny timing, lol.

I guess where I can say that I am now is...hm.

I’m still trying to figure things out. I have projects to finish, and I still have HS ones I wanna do...but I potentially need to diminish the list so I’m not long terming this stuff. I have some big ones I wanna do, and at least one more SAHCon year, two if I feel like having a 5 year con. 

I also wanna try to work or either very small teams, or just not work with anyone for project stuff. I love working in collabs and the mutual benefits, but it can be stressful on relying for certain things, and, I’ve been accused of using people  for clout or so one too many times for my liking.

I have to look at these original ideas I wanna try, some of which like I said requires me to practice certain things that project fatigue won’t allow.

And then, two glaring things to keep in mind:

I’d like to go to college at some point, community, potentially next fall? It gives me time to get some of these hefty things out of the way before I start struggling with math, lol.

Secondly, I really wanna quit my job. I’ve only been dealing with it for 3+ years because it’s not minimum wage nor is it food services -- I can work on my projects on the go. I’m making this journal during my Sunday shift right now!

But it’s gotten suckier with new management, and I’ve never worked with benefits. I think my goal is to just work as long(er) as I can to earn a certain amount of money, and then some time before going to school in fall, I’d take some months of a break. Not only to work creatively in piece with no extra stress, but to get some of these projects done before I scoot my boot.

Honestly, the idea of having a free Saturday again and doing art next to a window sill while listening to youtube commentary seduces me. And if I were to chop down my work load, I’d feel even happier.

Anyways, I guess this was just another vent. I haven’t been able to get any creative work done today bc these thoughts were spinning around in my brain, but I had to write them down so I could also organize what I should do first. 

Apologies to that one anon long ago that got sad that Im not longer silly or whatever <:””(((((( 

#crojournal #buzzcull #tw suicide mention