#and itll be like a jealous

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[nick-close]

Cassandra doesn’t need her ex husband to come save her from her new boyfriend y’all, if she senses him being a piece of shit she will KICK HIS ASS HERSELF!!!! SHE IS SELF SUFFICIENT!! NONE OF THIS ‘I want Nick to come beat him up’ her life isn’t his business let her be a girlboss...

#if nick comes to kick his ass itll always have weird jealous ex energy #idc #even if thats not what it is #itll feel like that and i do not want #she is a strong powerful woman yalll #dndads s2 #dndads spoilers #dungeons and daddies

[weenhands]

thinking about how certain stuff with how i behave in romantic/platonic relationships is starting to come together and show a certain pattern... like how when i broke up with my first boyfriend which was online and rocky, robin reassured me and told me online connections usually end up going south because of how hard it is to maintain relationships on the internet. and how my friendship with her ended up super dark and depressing and difficult and suffocating only when i was worlds apart from her for two months... but ive never had problems with relationships until i started taking things online....im of course still going to make friends online but moving forward i think im gonna be more consciously aware of thisdjdjdjdjs because now i feel sad and i am grieving everytbing <3

#and now im sad about all of the things we could've been #if i had known about my shortcomings #this all makes sense like. i think i have issues with long distance relationships #and if i feel like for others its normal and fine but for me i think its. a massive big deal #when robin told me that after breaking up with my first boyfriend online i started looking into my older friendships/relationships online #and the stuff i fantasized about while with them #and i think this is even more clear with the way how i never have weird rocky relationships with people in person #and i dont have severe problems with tone with in person friendships #because i surely do on text and those were what kept the ship sinking too #and its weird when i was healthy and happy with robin throughout these eight years but #it became so terribly wrong and painful and i wanted to legit die when we were worlds apart #ughhhh #im noticing so so so much #and how even if * and * hurt me when i was with * #the fact that they were gone for six hours at a time because of work made it so painful too because #they were obviously so tired and hfhwhwjwgw #and. and now it makes sense why i get so weirdly jealous to the point where im nauseous #like Yea asher jealously IS normal but ur right. u know urself. u dont get jealous THIS BAD #and its bc i wish i could be normal like ur next significant other and have a healthy long distance connection #like its not that youre taken its that this never worked out but with someone else itll work out fine

[spade-club]

My best friend is at their ex's house right now because he decided he needed to talk to them about how he was finding it so hard to live without them and I'm like. Sitting here with my shoes on ready to go save them at any second. I'm trying to calm down about it but its all so sketchy and I dont know him other than the fact that he's an addict who stopped working because it got so bad and the first time I met him was the day he got out of rehab and immediately relapsed. Also that he at age 27 moved his then 20 year old girlfriend (that he met because he was friends with their mother) in with him immediately after meeting and now is telling them that he cant live without them even though he's the one who kicked them out of his house, giving them two days to pack everything up. None of this makes me feel very secure about him and I dont want my friend to be anywhere near him alone but they are and I just... ugh I feel helpless and scared. It's been an hour since I've heard from them and I'm scared. I dont think he's violent, I dont think he means to be manipulative. I do think my friend is strong minded. That doesnt stop me from being very worried. Anything could be happening and I just have to sit here not knowing.

#I'm going to text them to ask if everything is alright #but I'm also nervous my notification sound might upset him idk #I think he's jealous of me bc like... idk the everything. theres a lot I'm not talking about but idk #whatever. I am just going to text them and ask if everything is alright. itll be okay.

[satanfemme]

remember being like 13 in middle school and just unabashedly growling and biting people, even complete strangers - especially strangers, unprompted? dear lord take me back..... my mental state in its prime......

#also I just want to bite someone. gnaw on them a bit. working with dogs all day just reminds me of what freedom I've lost..... #I'll brush out a dog and it won't like it but be too nice of a dog to hurt me for real and itll just. put its mouth around my wrist #sometimes gently and sometimes firm #and I'll pull out no problem and be like ''haha cute but no'' #and the dog will be like :V ready to chew on me again like hdgdjfjfj #bro that is ur fucking mouth. haha no opposable thumbs everyone point and laugh at the animal without opposable thumbs #but god am I jealous.. oh to chew on someones arm out of annoyance.... #having a bad brainfog morning again this better make sense I'm just fog in the shape of a guy rn

[fagrackham]

I really thought i was only into men now but this butch you guys…….

#they play rocky and they like my tattoos and they POWERLIFT and they can pick me up likes its nothing n for rockys death scene when he and #frank fall from the rko tower they were like i think itll work if i die on top of you. n theyre soooo hot you guys #i mentioned that my ex is playing rocky in their school’s show n they said that we should take a picture of them looking really hot to make #my ex jealous. reader i died

[captainkappa]

me trying to avoid feeling garbage about my writing AGAIN and instead thinking up dumb details to this mystery idea i had last night: i do not see 💅

#kappa talks #is it really so much to ask of myself to write the fanfic ideas i have? #ugh this is gonna turn into vent tags but im just so tired #of being a jealous bitch adn comparign myself to everyone better than me and then feelign bad about my writing And that im comparing myself #idk what im doing anymore and i hate that this is making me pul away from spaces #but the reason i dont pull out completely is i like to think i have friends? but idk if thats me projecting #and im mistaking friends with ppl i see talking a lot #genuinely dont know how i have any friends irl at this point #worst part is most of this panic is from pms #but it wont just disappear in 7 days itll just stay adn simmer and ill be sad #ok end vent

[famousblueraincoatmp3]

watching an instruction vid for my new job and girl is that royalty free ukelele music in the background

#sam.txt #i am so excited to get paid i will ignore the red flags. #like the cultish vibe i get but im sure it is nothing #also i still dont know how im supposed to measure the statistics for the customers im sure itll work itself out #going to sell cheese to old people next thursday im so excited #my dream job is getting to lie about products and gas them up #'yeah this baby right here is made out of 20 gallons of the finest milk you can think of. jest for hours mate' #'sharon is going to lose it on wine and cheese night when u bring these suckers out!!!' #'just imagine how jealous she'll be that'll be 40$ enjoy your cheese lady' #im already so excited i am writing fanfiction about it. i love lying and deception capitalism!!!!!!

[maverickflare]

i feel like im Supposed to talk abt where im at in terms of transition but tbh its "back at square one". in figuring out the root of some of my anger issues i thought.......i remember what anger did to my brother as a teen and i cant do that to myself w/o anything to handle it w im just not ready.

#dave rants #i think. i think tht i was just jealous of a lot of my friends already on hrt and younger than me n felt like i was wasting time #but no time spent being Content w my body is wasted. i like the way im shaped now and i dont wanna lose that. #idk. its complicated. #itll happen when it happens. if it happens at all.

[sprinklethetangerine]

You know what I want for Christmas that I don't celebrate? An assassin's teapot.

#itll mostly jist be a novelty item like “yeah thats right i have the assassins teapot i could poison your tea are you jealous?” #but what i would do to get my hands on that teapot #anything #thats what #i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want an assassin's teapot

[nomaishuttle]

ive got a hyoooooge grocery order in my cart just waiting 4 my next check

#likee almost 200 dollars.. irs 164.83 which ive just realixed my current allowed spending money is 171.83 💀💀💀 #but. some of this stuff is essentials sooo if i go a bit over my budget itll be ok.. esp since my next check is gonna be dummy as hell #with all the overtime PLUS itll all be mine ^_^ bc i dont owe anybody anythang anymore :DD AND its not a rent check bc i always pay rent #with the check i get on the 22nd of the month... so basically youre jealous #bc normallyyy well wuhoh wait i did forget abt insurance kicking in so itll be an extra like. idr like 120 or something like bghst #bc i likee messed up my insurance paper work 😭 i uhmm. basicslly it was like Sooo how much do u wanna have for blah blah #and i was like ermm this many and then it was like okayyy so divide that by how many payperiods there are in a year (24) and it ended up #being 40 dollars per check which seemed awwsome 2 me #but then the insurance ppl were like ermmm but theres only like 8 pay periods left in the year lol... soo you have to instead pay the full #amt you decided on but within the next 8 pay periods..... so its $120 dollars per check #but next year itll just be 40 per check. so its ok idm #tbh i probably shouldve done more research on insurance stuff bc idek what flex spending is LOL but it sounded like something i should have #right... idk... not my wisest move but iits ok. and HOPEFULLY i can get myyyy erm. what the scallop... what was i. OH yeas hopefully i can #find a pcp reaaaally quicklike and get all my meds sorted #i mihjht just go straight 2 planned parenthood for my t .. idk how much like.. idk if they take insurance #i just need 2 gett on my t ASAP!!! lest the devil. #i am being very proactive tho just in case The devil i put pads on the grocery order.. Ideally i wont need them but. just in case the devil #sooooo yeah.

[toastsnaffler]

meeting up w my token cishet guyfriend from college tmr + i forgot that with couples u cant just go hang out w one of them bc they always invite their partner + assume u already know abt it so i guess im hanging out w his gf too 🙄

#he was like hey we should rewatch this movie my gf hasnt seen it in ages and i was like ????? well watch it with her then?? #shes not normally in the uk which is the only reason i dont normally see her when i see him so i forgor. thats on me #its fine like i get theyre an inseparable unit or whatever but im not friends w her im friends w him 😭 #and ive only met her a couple times before briefly... rly hope shes not one of those weirdly possessive + jealous ppl #does she even know im a dyke. well she will tomorrow i guess #all ik abt her is that they met thru twitter and shes a disney adult which are frankly both red flags to me. but thats none of my business #im sure itll be fun either wayyy ive been kinda lonely this last week in the new place so my social battery is raring to go #ANYWAY i should go read + wind down the aspirin is finally doing smth to this headache thank fuck #goodnight besties #.diaries

[boydumbius]

here in another city i didnt know w my friend for a conference in our area of study and were so lost lmaooo but its fun! adventures!