#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die! #and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

[fagnumopus]

Sigh.

#i really thought i was gonna have one good day #it was so close too #another 2h and itd have been an uninterrupted good 24 hours #but i cant have that i have to be consistently bombarded by SOMETHING #and i have to have an Awful Time every time i have to Acknowledge I am having a Bad Time #like.... its rly like distracting urself is great until you pay attention to ur life and then its shit #i wanna just smoke weed and sleep so badly #i wanna take a day off of work but i cannot. i literally Can't. thats how bad it all is #this is such a nightmare i miss new zealand so bad #i just wanna go back to when life was simple but then again was it ever simple at all... at all #its been months since i started feeling deep gut-wrenching anxiety and PANIC whenever i have to help someone with their troubles #i dont like feeling this way #i feel drained. my well of compassion is dry. i dont want this #i dont want to dread every time someone needs help. i hate this. i wanna be helpful and kind and compassionate #i dont wanna feel this exhaustion that comes over me. this despair #... itll be fine #it always is. #vent

[mangosmoothiepussyv3]

:^(

#im not doing so great! #first my tummy is upset and now my brain is upset #i feel like im spiraling #its been like this for days i cant function #ive been so exhausted all i can do is work and sleep #im so fucking tired i cant do this shit anymore man #i wanna give up #but i dont have any materials to sh #i dont wanna go back to the psych ward

[cupajoscafe]

Night In | Shikamaru Nara x OC

YOOOOOOOO WHATS GOOD HOMIES I HOPE YALL ARE HAVIN A GREAT DAY!!!! i finally finished the art so that means i CAN POST THIS FIC HEHEHEH this was a lot of fun to write, it was another self indulgent piece of smut from my oc's story!! i really dont know if i have much else to say about this tbh 🧍‍♀️ i guess other than if you dont like ocs or fics about ocs then just go somewhere else bc thats all i post here HAHAHAH ANYWAYS ill be posting the full art on my twitter account and then be linking to it when it's up! i hope yall like this i really worked hard on it 💜

Pairings: Shikamaru Nara x OC

Word Count: 9.5k

Genre: Smut

Warnings: None

Contents: 18+ MINORS DNI. Pre-established relationship, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, toy use, anal, spanking, breeding kink, overstimulation, squirting, sir kink, use of "daddy", unprotected sex, creampie with the intent of impregnation. Entirely self indulgent. No editing, we die like women. If I missed any, please let me know!

Summary: While having a nice night to themselves, Shikamaru's wife tells him that their son wants a little sibling.

Being a parent to a toddler was hard work. The diaper changing, the clean up after playtime, the meal making, not to mention the fatigue from constant sleepless nights. Shikamaru was lucky in that regard; he spent most of his time at work as Kakashi's right hand helping him run the village. He did his best to help out when he could, of course, but since his job was so demanding, it meant that Yuuna was at home most of the time looking after their son. It was exhausting.

But none of that was even the worst part. The hardest thing was the fact that their time together was so limited. Because Shikamaru was always at work, he often didn't come home until late, and rarely had any time off. And when he did get home, Shikaro would fuss and the couple would have to find a way to calm down their son. By the time he was feeling better and had fallen back to sleep, they would be too exhausted to spend time together and would go right to bed. So when Yuuna's brother offered to babysit for the night, she couldn't have been more excited.

"You're serious? You'll look after him tonight?" She grinned, holding her son in her arms. Shikaro reached a hand out to his uncle and touched his face, running his little hand across the burn scar over Tetsuya's left eye.

"Yeah, totally!" He confirmed with a chuckle as his nephew curiously explored the damaged skin on his face. "I know you could have pawned him off on Shikamaru's mom, but it's been a while since I've had some quality time with my little buddy."

Shikaro reached out to grab Tetsuya. The man took his nephew from his sister and held him up, planting a smooch on the toddler's cheek. The toddler cooed happily, wrapping his arms around his uncle's neck. Yuuna let out a giggle watching her brother dote on her son and sighed.

"Thank you, Tetsuya. You have no idea how much this means." She gave her brother a sincere smile, extending a hand out to touch him gently on the arm.

"Hey, it's no problem. I figured that since I'm cleared of missions until the weekend, I could lend a helping hand." He looked at Shikaro and hoisted him up a little, shifting his weight. "You and Shikamaru both work so hard and could use a break, so it's the least I can do as your brother."

She smiled at him again and looked over at her son. "Whaddya say, buddy? Do you wanna hang out with uncle Tetsuya tonight?"

"Yah yah!!" He clapped, looking down at his uncle. "Unco Tetsu, Unco Tetsu!!"

"I'll take that as a yes, huh?" Tetsuya laughed, planting another kiss on the toddler's cheek.

"C'mon buddy, let's go see daddy at work and then we'll get ready, okay?" Yuuna said as she grabbed Shikaro from her brother's arms.

"Yah yah!! Gonna see daddy!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"I'll stop by around three and drop him off. That work for you?" She suggested, turning back to her brother.

"Yeah, sounds perfect." Tetsuya smiled. He grabbed Shikaro's hand and squeezed it gently. "I'll see you soon, little man!"

The siblings turned and walked away from one another with a wave, and Shikaro called out after him.

"Baibai Unco Tetsu!!" He exclaimed with a smile, waving happily after him. He looked up at his mother and she met his eyes. "I get to play wif Unco Tetsu today mama!!"

"You sure do, buddy!" She giggled, nuzzling her nose against his. "Are you excited?"

Shikaro nodded and turned back to watch his uncle walking away. "Mama, I wanna brover to play wif me and Unco Tetsu!" He turned back to look at his mom, who stopped walking for a minute to look at him. "Can I have a brover? Pweeeeeease?"

Yuuna had to stop herself from bursting into laughter before she continued on their commute. "Maybe. I'll have to see what daddy says. No promises."

The walk to the Hokage's office didn't take long. As Yuuna walked down the hall, two members of Team Guy were leaving the office. Shikaro noticed the familiar faces and demanded to say hi to his auntie and uncle. Neji had to practically pry Tenten away from the toddler so they wouldn't be late for their mission. Once the duo was gone, Yuuna walked up to the office door and knocked lightly, waiting for the invitation into the room.

"Come on in," Kakashi called out from behind the wood. Yuuna opened the door and smiled brightly as she locked eyes with her husband.

"Hey, what are you two doing here?" Shikamaru chuckled, walking over to his family. He turned to Kakashi, "Sorry, do you mind if I excuse myself for a sec?"

"Of course, take your time." Kakashi grinned. 

The Nara turned back to his wife and son and placed his hand on her back as he gently escorted them out of the office and guided them a little ways down the hall. Shikaro reached out for his father who happily held him in his arms.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you two," He started, looking from Shikaro to Yuuna. "But what are you doing here? You don't usually come by the office."

"Well, I have some good news!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "My brother wanted to look after Shikaro tonight, to give us a break! Which means if you're not here too late, we can finally have an evening to ourselves!"

"I'm gonna play wif Unco Tetsu today!" Shikaro reiterated, enthusiastically throwing his hands up into the air.

"Oh, is that so?" Shikamaru grinned looking at his son. The boy nodded his head. "Well, that sure sounds like it's gonna be a whole lot of fun, huh?"

"Yah yah!! Gonna hab a play day!" Shikaro clapped his hands together. Shikamaru looked at his wife and raised an eyebrow.

"You know my mother's gonna have a fit when she finds out that he's staying with Tetsuya and not her, right?" He chuckled. 

"Yoshino's had plenty of time with him!" Yuuna countered. "Not that I'm not grateful for the help she's given us, but she always jumps at the opportunity. So when Tetsuya offered, of course I said yes. I figured it would be nice for him to have some uncle-nephew time with him, y'know?"

He hoisted Shikaro up a little and softened his expression slightly. "Just don't tell my mother that. She's gonna be on my butt for not being able to dote on her grandson."

Yuuna giggled and took a step closer to him, placing her arms on his. "Don't worry, she'll never know." She stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips. "So, think you can finish early tonight? Thought we could cook dinner together and then maybe watch a movie or something."

He looked over his shoulder at the office door, then back to his wife. "It's been pretty slow today, I think I can swing that."

She bounced on her toes excitedly and clapped her hands. "Awesome!! I'm dropping Shikaro off at Tetsuya's in about an hour and a half. I can start dinner when I get back."

They began to head back towards the office. Shikamaru looked down at Yuuna as they walked and smiled. "I can probably be home around four, if that works." 

She nodded as she curled her fingers around the doorknob. "That's perfect." She opened the door and the couple walked back into the office. Shikaro's eyes lit up when he saw Kakashi and he cooed happily. She took him from her husband and held him closely.

"Everything alright?" The Hokage asked casually. The couple nodded.

"We're finally getting a break tonight and I wanted to plan dinner, that's all." She giggled. 

Kakashi hummed and leaned back in his chair. "That's good to hear. You deserve it with how hard the two of you work."

"It's been kinda dead today, think I can call it early?" Shikamaru asked, turning to look from his wife to Kakashi. The Hokage looked down at the stack of paperwork on his desk and swiveled in his chair a little.

"I think once we get through this stack, I can handle the rest for the day." His eyes crinkled as he smiled under his mask. Shikamaru gave a subtle smirk as he turned to look at his wife and son.

"There you go, you heard it yourself." He spoke, placing his hands in his pockets as he shifted his weight. "Gimme a few hours and I'll be home, sound good?"

Yuuna beamed up at her husband and nodded. "That sounds perfect." She turned back towards Kakashi and gave a small bow. "Sorry for showing up unexpectedly, thanks for letting me talk to him."

Kakashi chuckled and waved a hand dismissively in front of his face. "No, no, it's no problem. You're welcome to stop by whenever you like, you know." He took note of the toddler staring and cooing at him, then waved at him. "And Shikaro is welcome to visit his father any time he likes, too." 

Yuuna hoisted the child up a little and chuckled. "Shikaro, say hi to Lord Hokage!" She requested, waving her hand at Kakashi to demonstrate. He looked at his mother and then at Kakashi and smiled, waving back at him like she was.

"Hi Lord Hokage!" He chimed, waving excitedly. The adults smiled at him and all chuckled in unison.

"Alright, well, we'll let you guys get back to work." Yuuna sighed with a grin, turning to face her husband. She reached up onto her tiptoes to plant a kiss onto his lips. "I'll see you when you get home, baby."

Shikamaru placed a hand on her arm as she kissed him, stroking it gently when she pulled away. "Sounds good." He looked down at his son and cupped his hand around the back of his head gently and leaned down to plant a loving kiss on his forehead. "Be good for mommy and Uncle Tetsuya, okay?"

Shikaro clapped and nodded. "Okay, I pwomise!!"

They shared their goodbyes and went back to work and Yuuna headed back home to the Nara residence. Once home, she let Shikaro run around the house to collect his favourite toys and pajamas while she packed his essentials. He came running back with two armfuls of different toys and stuffed animals he wanted to bring, but they managed to narrow it down to three items after some fussing. She let him hold onto one and packed away the other two. Once his bag was packed and ready to go, she threw together some quick snacks for him to eat before she brought him over to her brother. Whatever he didn't eat she packed away into a lunch box and included it with his overnight bag.

The time to leave came quickly, and Shikaro couldn't have been more excited. He made the decision to walk instead of having his mother carry him. Yuuna walked close beside her son and watched as he waddled along, holding his hand and guiding him in the proper direction. When they reached Tetsuya's apartment Shikaro ran inside with an excited screech. The siblings laughed and Yuuna handed off Shikaro's overnight bag to Tetsuya. She called her son over to say goodbye, picking him up and planting a motherly kiss on the child's lips. She hugged her son tightly and set him down and he ran back off into his uncle's house. She then pulled Tetsuya into a hug as well. They exchanged goodbyes and then went their separate ways.

On the way home, she decided to stop by the market and pick up some ingredients for dinner. Once they were purchased she headed home and began to sift through her fridge and cupboards to find everything that they'd need to make their meal. It wasn't long into the preparations when she heard the front door open.

"Hey, I'm home." Shikamaru called out from the hallway. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his flak jacket, setting it down on the couch as he passed by the living room. He wandered into the kitchen and stood behind his wife, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning down to press a kiss to the side of her head. "I haven't heard the house this quiet in years."

"I know, and we have all night to enjoy it!" Yuuna giggled as she started peeling a potato. She turned her head slightly to look at him and smiled. "Now come help, I wanna cook together!"

He sighed and kissed her head again, releasing her from his grip. He reached into the drawer and pulled out a large kitchen knife and began to chop the carrots that Yuuna had already peeled. They stood at the kitchen counter together, enjoying one another's company as they prepped their dinner. Once everything had been cooked, Yuuna poured them some drinks and they sat down at the dinner table to eat. They took the time to catch up with everything that they'd missed from the other. Having a toddler and different schedules made it difficult sometimes to hold casual conversations, so they hadn't had a chance in quite some time to be able to sit down to talk the way they were doing now. They kept their conversation going all throughout dinner, and when they were finished eating they helped one another clean up. When the last dish was washed, they brought their drinks over to the sofa where they sat cuddled up next to one another. Yuuna looked up at her husband and smiled over her wine glass.

"Cheers to having the house to ourselves for a change." She chuckled, holding her glass up in front of her. Shikamaru eyed her wine glass with a grin and chuckled, clinking his glass against hers.

"I'll drink to that." He smirked, taking a sip of his beer. 

He draped his arm around the back of the couch, letting his fingers trace circles on her shoulder. She rested her hand on his thigh, running it up and down his leg as she took another sip of wine.

"I love you, baby." She hummed, looking into his eyes. He planted his hand down on her shoulder and pulled her in close to him, pressing his lips against hers in a sweet kiss. He pulled away after a minute and looked into her emerald gaze.

"I love you too, noodle." He grinned, closing the gap between them again. She hummed contently against his lips, then pulled away to take another sip of her drink. 

They sat there for a moment, looking into each other's eyes, tensions slowly building as the alcohol in their systems gradually began to take effect. He continued to rub her shoulder, slipping his hand underneath her sweater to drag his fingernails along her bare skin. Her hand began to move higher and higher up his leg every time she stroked back up his thigh. She shifted a little, moving closer to him with a goofy smile on her face.

"So Shikaro was asking about wanting a brother today." She mentioned, heat rising to her face. Shikamaru took another sip of his beer and placed the empty glass down on the coffee table in front of them.

"Oh he did, did he?" He spoke quietly, inching his face closer to hers and resting his now free hand on her knee. Yuuna finished off her wine, placing her empty glass down to accompany his on the table.

"Mhmm," she nodded, looking between his mocha eyes with a smile, "He was saying he wished he had a brother to take on his play dates and asked me if he could have one."

"And what did you tell him?" He began to rub his hand from her knee up her thigh. She bit her lip lightly as she felt her heart pounding.

"I told him I'd have to ask daddy." She reached her free hand up to cup his face, rubbing her thumb along his cheek as she looked at his lips.

"Well, whaddya think? Should we give him a sibling?" He pulled her closer to him, their lips barely touching, "'Cause daddy wouldn't mind fucking another baby into you."

She let out a shaky breath, her eyelids fluttering at the words that dripped off his tongue like honey. A tightness arose in the pit of her stomach and she surged forward, pressing her lips hard enough against his to make him lean back. She glided her hand up his thigh and over his crotch, rubbing his stiffening erection with a smile. He let out a low groan at the stimulation, in turn sliding his hand down from her shoulder to her breast. He massaged her flesh between his fingers, pulling it out from her bra for easier access. She parted her lips and dragged her tongue across his mouth, pushing it past lips to meet his. He leaned forward and pushed her down onto her back, rolling her sweater up to her collarbone and unclasping her bra. He began to knead her tits between his fingers as his tongue lashed against hers, slating a knee between her legs as she ground down against it.

"So desperate, I guess you do want daddy to fuck a baby into you, huh?" He growled hungrily, tugging at her lip with his teeth as he flicked his thumbs over her nipples. She let out a quiet moan, breathing heavily as she rutted her hips upwards against his knee. He kissed her again, their tongues meeting in a heated dance for a moment before he pulled away. "No need to be quiet this time, there's nobody else here. I wanna hear just how good I make you feel."

Shikamaru shifted his head down just enough to be able to take one of her nipples into his mouth, flicking at the bud with his tongue. She let out another quiet moan into the air. Unimpressed, he bit down on her nipple harshly, eliciting a loud yelp from his wife.

"Ow, what the fuck was that?" Yuuna scolded, brows furrowed and face flushed. He licked at the nub again, sucking on it gently.

"I said you don't have to be quiet." He pulled away from her chest with a loud pop and looked into her eyes with a mischievous smile. "I wanna hear every noise that comes out of that pretty little mouth of yours, and I want to hear it loud. Gotta hear how good I make you feel."

Before she could respond he immediately took her nipple into his mouth again, flicking his tongue against it quickly as he pinched the other between his fingers. She moaned again, louder this time. He smiled against her skin as he kneaded her breast in his hand, a hungry growl resonating in the back of his throat.

"That's my girl," He huffed as he continued to lap at her sensitive nipple. She rolled her hips forward against his knee again and brought one hand up to the back of his head, threading her fingers through his hair and loosening it from his hair tie. She breathed out another sultry moan and could feel his lips turning up into a smile against her skin. "Fuck, you're so needy, aren't you?"

"Gimme a break, it's been a minute since the last time we fucked." She joked with a pant, reaching her hand down into his trousers to curl her fingers around his girth. He let out a loud groan and bit down lightly on her nipple as he rutted his hips into her hand. She smirked down at him and bit her lip. "Looks like you're just as needy for me, huh?"

He pulled away from her with a pop, her breast bouncing as it settled against her chest again. Shikamaru frowned down at her and sucked the air through his teeth, his face flushing red as her grin grew wider.

"What's the matter?" She cooed, giving his cock a few steady pumps and running her thumb over his slit. He huffed out another low groan, his eyes shutting as his hips involuntarily bucked forward into her handq9. "You're not getting flustered, are you?"

He opened his eyes and grimaced, furrowing his brows as he swiftly shifted his thigh from between her legs and replaced it with his fingers, slipping them under her leggings and gliding them over her soaking panties. She opened her mouth to gasp but he shoved his tongue into her mouth to stifle the noise before she could. "Would you just shut up and let me take care of you?" He growled as he pulled away for breath, the small string of saliva that connected their tongues dissipating. "Quit being such a pain and let me take the reins, would you?"

Yuuna's eyelids closed half way as she looked up at her husband. Normally she would be a bit more stubborn and protest, but tonight was different. It was the first time in months that they'd been able to be together like this without having to worry about being too loud or too discreet. So she decided to bite her tongue, just this once. She smiled up at him and spread her knees apart, allowing him to move his hand freely. He scoffed in response, moving in to kiss her again as he slipped his hand under her panties to touch her bare skin. She moaned loudly into his mouth, removing her hand from inside his pants and wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him in closer. 

"That's more like it." He slid his fingers through her folds, slicking them with her arousal before dipping his middle finger into her sex. He began to leisurely move his digit in and out of her hole, closing the gap between their faces again with a slow, passionate kiss. "Such a good girl, so wet for me." He chuckled as he pulled away for air, adding a second finger to stretch her out a little more. She bit her lip and moaned with a smile, looking up at him as she ground her hips against his hand.

"'Cause you make me feel so good," She whispered, running her hands along his arms. He smirked down at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah?" He inquired, tilting his head to the side a bit with a grin. He continued to move his hand at a slow and steady pace, his eyes fixated on her emerald gaze. "Why don't you tell me just how good I make you feel, huh?" He began to move his wrist quicker, feeling her walls clench around his fingers. She panted and tugged at the sleeves of his shirt, grinding down hard against his hand.

"So good," She whimpered, her brows turning upward in a longing expression. "Fuck, feels so good, love it when you play with my pussy baby."

He felt his cock twitch under his pants as she spoke so boldly, slowing his wrist movement again and diving down to take one of her nipples between his lips once more. He lashed at it with his tongue, and when he was done he dragged his mouth across her chest to the other one to do the same. She moaned loudly again, in turn causing Shikamaru to groan against her flesh. He trailed his tongue up her chest to her collarbone, then to her neck, then to the shell of her ear. He suckled on her earlobe as he continued to thrust his fingers into her.

"Daddy's gonna fuck you so good tonight." He growled into her ear, tracing his tongue along her earlobe before shifting to look down at her with a devilish grin. The look alone was enough to make her cunt throb. He felt her clench around his fingers and he slid them out of her hole to circle her clit. "Sounds like you're into that, aren't you?"

She nodded her head and ground her hips against his digits, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck to pull him into a kiss. As soon as their lips met, they let their tongues explore the other's mouth, swirling around in a heated dance. Shikamaru slipped both hands into the elastic waistband of Yuuna's leggings and underwear, and slid them down past her ankles and off of her legs. He began to shift backwards on the couch, kissing down her neck as he went. His lips traveled to her collarbone, then across the expanse of her chest, then down to her stomach, and then stopped as he hovered his lips above her aching clit. He massaged her inner thighs, squeezing them and running his hands up and down, pulling apart her folds to get a good look at her dripping, trembling hole. He shifted forward slightly to kiss her clit, and again, and again, spreading her pussy open. She whimpered at the sensation, bucking her hips forward. He looked up at her as he held her lips open, kissing her nerves again.

"What's the matter?" He grumbled with a sly grin on his face, his lips just barely touching her flesh as he spoke.

She grabbed onto the back of his head and tried to pull him forward but he didn't budge. She tried to grind her hips forward but he pulled back every time, denying her the relief she wanted. "C-C'mon, please, I need it," She whined, brows turning up to look at her husband desperately.

"Need what?" He chuckled as he continued to pull apart her folds, teasing her further. "You know I can't give you what you want unless you tell me what it is."

Her face burned hot. He did this every time, and he knew it was a surefire way to get her flustered and submissive. She bit down on her lip and gripped down onto his head. "L-Lick my p-pussy," She whispered, averting his gaze. He squinted at her and called out to her to bring her attention back to him.

"If you're gonna tell me what you want, you better look me in the eyes when you tell me," He growled between her legs, "Otherwise I'm not doing a goddamn thing."

She could feel her cunt trembling again as he scolded her. She swallowed and looked him in the eyes, face hot and flushed, "I–...I want you to l-lick my pussy, please," She pleaded quietly. Her clit throbbed as he spread her cunt open again, swallowing as she saw him smile.

"I don't quite think I heard you." He growled, breath hot on her skin, his lips once again barely touching her sensitive bud. She gripped down tightly onto his head, grasping at his hair, watching him with needy eyes.

"I want you to lick my pussy," She spoke loudly, her body trembling as she felt the build up of pressure in her gut, desperate for release. "Please, I w-want you to lick my pussy and make me cum…!!"

Without another word, Shikamaru dove forward and began lashing his tongue against her clit and she immediately let out a lewd moan that echoed through their empty home. She ground down against his tongue as it lapped at her clit, pulling one of her hands up to her breast to massage the flesh between her fingers. He let out a soft groan at the taste of her on his tongue, wrapping his arms around her thighs and holding her against his mouth as he continued to devour her sex like he'd never get another chance. He dug his fingernails into her thighs and nodded his head along as he licked from her entrance to her clit and then back, dipping his tongue into her entrance and fucking her with his mouth. 

She moaned out loud again, flicking her thumb over her nipple as her other hand buried itself in Shikamaru's hair, watching as he ate her pussy like a starved animal. He groaned again at the taste of her on his tongue, pulling out of her clenching walls and whipping his tongue against her puffy clit. Her breathing became laboured as the telltale signs of her approaching orgasm were drawing closer. He shifted one hand from her thigh, inserting two fingers into her hole as he began to thrust. She bucked her hips forward, grinding against his face as her moans got louder and louder, doing nothing but spurring him on more. He grinned as she squirmed around, using his free hand to press down hard against her womb, keeping her in place.

"C'mon, baby, cum for Daddy," He grunted, watching her blissful expression as he pleasured her. He could feel her walls tightening around his fingers and the corners of his mouth turned up into a smug smile as he listened to her falling apart on his tongue. "Atta girl, cum for me, yeah?"

With his instruction, Yuuna's back arched up off of the couch as she rode his tongue and fingers, her eyes rolling back into her skull with a lewd moan as she climaxed. Her body shook and squirmed as she rolled her hips against his face, riding out her orgasm, panting to catch her breath. He continued to suckle on her aching clit as she came around his fingers, lips pulled into a triumphant smile as he watched her expression of pure ecstacy. As she came down from her high she bucked her hips and writhed around, her entire body sensitive from her orgasm. He pulled his fingers out from her soaking cunt and sat up, crawling overtop of her with a huff. He  leaned in close and shoved his tongue past her lips, cupping the back of her head with one hand as he held her face against his. A lewd moan slipped out of her throat at the taste of her pussy on his tongue and it sent a throb right between her legs. He pulled away to catch his breath and she panted beneath him, eyes glassed over with pleasure.

"You're gonna walk over to the bedroom, get naked, then get on the bed on all fours. Your ass better be up in the air by the time I get in there, understood?" He growled, glaring down at her with a primal hunger in his eyes. She nodded her head a few times and was shifting to get off the couch. Unsatisfied with her response, Shikamaru scoffed and gave her a light slap on the cheek. He grabbed her face between his fingers and squished her face, forcing her to look up at him. "Is that how you address me?"

"Y-Yes sir," She answered again, speech impaired slightly from his hand squeezing her lips together. He smirked and released her face, pulling back from her to allow her to sit up. 

She scooted off the couch and quickly made her way to their bedroom. Shikamaru watched her as she walked down the hallway, making sure to get a good look at her ass as it bounced with every step she took. When she was out of sight he let out a satisfied chuckle. With one arm draped over the back of the sofa, he moved the other down to fist his cock and give it a few steady strokes. When he heard the creaking of their bed, he stood up and walked down the hallway to the threshold of their bedroom. As he had requested of her, Yuuna had removed her clothes and was laying face down on the bed, her legs spread and her ass up in the air. He smirked and strolled over to the bed, removing his trousers, and sunk his knees into the mattress behind her. 

He ran his hands along the expanse of her ass, giving it a squeeze before landing a harsh spank against her skin. She jolted and let out a yelp. He massaged her ass cheek to ease the pain before repeating the process until the skin was burning bright red. He fisted his cock again and gave it a few steady pumps before sliding it through her dripping folds a few times, then pulled his hips back and slapped his shaft against her asshole. He wrapped her ass cheeks around his cock as he began to slowly grind his hips forward. She let out a quiet, needy moan at the sensation, feeling her cunt throb at the thought of his cock inside her.

"F-Fuck, p-please," She whined, wiggling her hips invitingly. "N-Need it, n-need your cock."

He leaned forward, pressing his chest against her back, kissing the back of her neck. "What do you need, huh?"

"Fuck me," She replied without hesitation, backing her hips up against him. "Need your cock inside me, n-need you to stretch me out, p-please…!"

He chuckled at her desperation and kissed her neck again, then down her back. He sat up and ran his cock through her folds again, coating it with her arousal before pushing the head of his cock past her entrance. He pushed his hips forward and buried his cock deep into her cunt, the head of his cock pressing against her cervix. She mewled loudly, the position allowing him to hit deep into her pussy. She began to bounce her hips on his cock, her face pressed into the pillows as she panted. He grabbed a handful of her ass and squeezed the skin, gripping onto it tightly as he matched her pace. 

The room quickly filled with the sounds of lewd squelching, skin slapping, and lustful moans. Shikamaru tipped his head to the side as he watched his cock disappear into her cunt, fucking hard into her soaking pussy with ease. He let one hand rest at his side and pressed the other flat against the small of her back, holding her down. He huffed with a devilish grin as an idea crossed his mind. He spat down onto her asshole and circled it with the pad of his thumb. Yuuna's body reacted to the sensation and he could feel her walls tightening around his cock. He then slowly inserted his thumb past her rim down to the first knuckle.

"Fuuuuuck–...!!" She moaned, her eyes rolling back as he began to thrust his thumb in and out of her asshole in rhythm with his cock.

"Like that, don't you?" He grunted, sinking his thumb deeper into her hole. She nodded in agreement, moving one of her hands to her clit where she began to rub it with her fingers. He felt her walls clench around his cock again and he pulled his thumb from her ass, spitting down on it again and inserting his middle and ring fingers instead. She groaned hungrily as he scissored his digits inside her hole, bouncing her ass harder against his cock and fingers, flicking quickly at her clit. "Yeah, that's a good girl."

Her eyes crossed and her brows furrowed upwards as she felt her orgasm drawing close. He inserted a third finger into her ass, thrusting hard as his cock throbbed inside her cunt. It was enough to push her over the edge, and she screamed out loud as she came around his cock, rubbing her clit fast as she let her orgasm take over her body. She twitched underneath him, her knees trembling as she continued to slowly trace circles around her clit and back her hips up against him.

"Look at you, falling apart on my cock like a dirty little slut," He groaned, slowing his hips and leaning forward so his chest was pressed against her back. He ground his cock lazily into her hole, kissing her neck and nibbling on her earlobe. "What do you say to me for making you cum, huh?"

"Th-Thank you," she sputtered, her eyes halfway closed and her hips shaking as she felt his fingers moving inside her ass and his cock sliding in and out of her hole. He scoffed and used his free hand to grab onto her face and pull her head up, locking eyes with his wife.

"Thank you what?" He grunted, leisurely rutting his hips against hers. She swallowed and a quiet moan slipped past her lips.

"Th-Thank you, sir," She slurred, eyes fluttering halfway closed and rolling back into her skull getting drunk off his dick.

He grinned and released her face from his grip, pressing his lips to her cheek and licking at her salty skin, "Atta girl." He pulled his head away from hers and sat up, pressing his free hand flat against the side of her head and pushing her into the pillows. He tipped his head to the side and watched his cock disappear inside her, pulling his fingers out from her asshole and instead dug them into her hips. The lustful whine she gave didn't go unnoticed. Shikamaru squinted down at her and sucked the air through his teeth. "What's the matter? You want this hole filled up too?"

He felt her nod under his hand and the wicked grin on his lips only grew wider. Keeping himself buried deep inside her cunt, he stopped moving to reach over to her bedside table. He opened the drawer to find her hidden stash of toys he knew were there. Leaning over, he reached into the drawer to pull out her bottle of lube and her favourite toy; a large, mint green, silicone dildo. He'd come home late a handful of times to see her shoving it quickly back into the drawer to try and hide it, but he knew right away what she was hiding from him. He opened the bottle of lubricant and squeezed some of the water-based liquid onto the tip of the dildo, letting it drip down the rubber shaft. He pressed the head of the toy up against her asshole.

"This what you wanted?" He inquired with a cocked eyebrow and a sly grin as he once more began to move his hips against hers. She looked at him over her shoulder, eyes hazy and full of lust.

"Yes sir," she squeaked, nodding her head and staring at the silicone toy. Her mouth began to water and she licked her lips. He scoffed and furrowed his brow.

"And what exactly is it that you want?" He pressed, rutting his cock into her at a lax pace. He could see Yuuna's face burn bright red and it brought a grin right back to his face.

"C-Cock…in my a-ass…" She mewled, pushing her hips back against her husband and the toy in an attempt to satisfy her need for feeling full. She swallowed thickly and picked herself up, supporting her weight with her hands and fisting the bed sheets beneath her. She turned her head to look at him and meet his eyes with a needy whine. "P-Please, want you to fill me up, f-fuck my ass and my pussy."

He let out a groan and shoved the dildo into her ass all the way to the base and she let out a cry of mixed pleasure and pain. The sudden gesture caused her to lose her balance and she fell forward, burying her face in the pillows once more. He leaned over her, ramming his cock deep into her sex as he thrusted the toy swiftly in and out of her ass.

"Dirty little slut," He growled, pressing his lips against her shoulder and biting at her skin. She let out a slew of moans as the pressure built up in her gut once more. He smirked against her salty skin, moving both his wrist and his hips at a steady pace. He glanced back to watch the green cock slide in and out of her tight ass, grunting as he moved the toy quicker. He continued to ram the fake cock into her hole, matching the pace with his hips as he plowed into her cunt. The intensity of the combined thrusts was enough to send her hurtling towards another orgasm, crying out his name in ecstasy as her vision went white.

Her eyes crossed and her body convulsed as she gripped onto the pillow, tears spilling down her cheeks at the immense pleasure that racked her body. He huffed and slowed his pace to catch his breath.

"That's my good girl," he praised, kissing her shoulder again. He moved his lips to meet hers, licking into her mouth and groaning against her tongue. He pulled away with a pant, saliva dribbling down his chin as his tongue lolled from his mouth for a moment. He pressed his lips against her ear and whispered, "You're gonna get on top of me and fuck yourself on my cock, understood?"

Her eyelids fluttered as he spoke and she compliantly nodded her head. She felt his body moving away from hers and whined when he pulled out of her holes. He sat behind her for a moment and gave her ass a light spank, groping her flesh in his hands and pulling her ass cheeks apart. He watched as her hole twitched and gaped now that it was empty, smirking from above her. 

"So desperate to be full, aren't you sweetheart?" He muttered, landing another smack against her skin. The harsh contact made her yelp and her body shook. He kneaded her flesh between his fingers, slicking the dildo up with her arousal before dipping it back into her ass again only twice. He pulled the toy out of her hole and watched it gape again as she looked over her shoulder at him and whined. 

He flashed another sly smile to her and moved to lay down next to her on his back. She got on top of her husband, straddling his waist and pressing her hands down against his chest. She began to roll her hips against him, rubbing her sensitive clit against his shaft. His hands moved to her waist where his nails dug into her flesh, watching her hips move against his body. He bit at his lip and groaned, throwing his head back into the pillow and bucking his hips up against her. She giggled as she moved, watching his expression from above him.

"Does that feel good, baby?" She purred, circling her hips languidly against Shikamaru's. He looked up into her eyes and furrowed his brow with a scoff, grabbing a fistful of her hair and snapping her head to the side. She shut her eyes and let out a hiss at the stinging on her scalp. Her eyes opened to see his glaring daggers back at her.

"Don't you go thinking that you're in charge just because you're on top," he growled into the air. He tugged her hair again and she whimpered, shutting her eyes once more. "Now do what I told you to do."

One emerald eye met his intense mocha gaze. She nodded her head as much as the grip on her hair would allow her to. "Y-Yes sir." She submitted. His frown turned up into a smirk and he released his grip on her head, shifting his hand to rest on her waist instead. 

He watched as she scooted back a little and took the bottle of lube off the bed. She flipped the cap open and squeezed the cold liquid down onto his aching cock, using her free hand to stroke his length and spread the lube down his shaft. She turned around so her back was facing him and wiggled her hips as she lined the head of his cock up with her ass. With a gasp, she lowered herself down onto his cock, burying him deep inside of her. She panted as she moved her hips up then sunk back down onto him. He snaked his hands up to her waist and sucked the air through his teeth, digging his fingers into her plush skin and watching as his girth disappeared inside her asshole. The tightness made his dick throb and he couldn't stop himself from letting out a pleasured groan.

She leaned forward, pressing her hands into the mattress to keep herself upright as she began to bounce her hips against his cock. She worked herself up into a steady rhythm as she adjusted for the stretch and it wasn't long before she was a mewling mess above him. He matched Yuuna's pace, fucking up into her ass and slapping his hips against hers with labored grunts.

"So fucking tight," he muttered, exhaling sharply through his nose. He watched his cock disappear deep inside her body and he licked his lips. She moved one hand from the mattress to her cunt, spreading her folds apart to caress her aching clit. She circled it with her fingers, dipping her digits inside her entrance and flicking her wrist. Her eyes crossed a little at the sensation, letting a soft whimper roll off her tongue. She glanced down next to her to see her favourite toy laying on the bed. Her pussy throbbed at the thought of having another cock inside her. She pulled her fingers from her hole and picked the dildo up, running it through her folds and coating it with her arousal before pushing it all the way into her sex with ease. She leaned forward, pressing her chest against the mattress and bouncing her hips against the two dicks inside of her. 

Her eyelids fluttered half closed and her eyes crossed, her brow turning up as the pleasure grew inside her gut. She yelped in surprise as he landed another spank against her skin, then massaged the flesh between his fingers. He repeated the action a few times, bucking his hips upwards but for the most part letting her do the work. He landed one more slap against her skin before sitting up just enough to snake his arm around her waist and pull her down so her back was flush with his chest. He dug his heels into the mattress and thrusted up fast into her asshole, his cock twitching as her tightness wrapped around him. She met his pace with the dildo, ramming the toy fast and deep into her pussy. Her breath hitched in her throat as the pleasure began to build up inside of her. He watched over her shoulder as she fucked herself with the toy, biting down against her shoulder and slamming his hips up into hers. She let out another yelp and pressed her head back, staring up wide eyed at the ceiling of their bedroom. He repeated the action again, and again, hitting deep inside her with every roll of his hips. He grunted as he held his hips against her ass, panting to catch his breath and watch as she slid the dildo in and out of her wet hole.

"Fuck," she muttered, eyes slamming shut as she bucked her hips forward, both cocks dragging against her walls. Her breathing became labored as her hand moved faster. The head of the dildo punched her cervix with each thrust inside her and she could feel her legs trembling.

He watched over her shoulder again as she used the toy. "Gonna cum again?" He prodded, moving his hips against her once he had caught his breath. He began to move faster, not quite matching the pace of her hand but thrusting hard and deep inside of her ass. She nodded at his question, eyes glassed over with pleasure as tears threatened to fall down her cheeks. He wrapped his other arm tight around her waist and began to thrust up hard into her, matching the rhythm she had set for herself. 

Her eyes widened and she cried shamelessly out into the air as the coil inside her gut finally snapped, sending her nerves into overdrive. Her holes clenched tightly around the cocks inside her, and a clear liquid gushed out from her cunt as she came. It splashed onto the bed sheets, soaking through to the mattress around their feet. His eyes narrowed hungrily, watching her hips convulse as she squirted.

"My wife is such a messy girl," He purred into her ear, slowing his hips to an easy, steady rhythm. "Cumming so hard she soaked through the sheets. And now the bed is all wet, what a drag."

She laid on top of him, chest heaving for air as her orgasm subsided. He ran his hands up and down her salty skin, kissing her neck from underneath her, gripping onto her tight. He grasped onto her waist and pushed her up and off of his stiff girth, scooting over to the side and laying her down next to him. He skated his hand down to the front of her body where he grabbed onto the suctioned end of the dildo and slowly pulled it from her clenching pussy, tossing it to the side and ghosting his fingers over her sensitive skin. His hand moved up from her pelvis to her stomach, then to her chest where he grabbed a handful of one of her tits to squeeze and massage, before letting it bounce and settle against her chest as his fingers moved up to her neck. He slipped his hand behind her head and pulled her into a fiery kiss, nodding his head along and licking into her mouth. Her tongue glided against his, a slew of moans dripping off of it as his hand moved back down her body again. He slipped it under her thigh and propped her leg up against his forearm, dipping his fingers into her sensitive core. She twitched at the stimulation but didn't push him away, instead bringing her hand up to touch his face and pull him in closer to her. They pulled away from each other to catch their breath, hot air fanning against the other's face as a string of saliva connected their tongues.

"How's about daddy knocks you up now, huh?" he grinned, looking down at her lips. He watched as she took her lower lip between her teeth and nodded just a little, then pressed his lips against hers once more. He let out a moan against her mouth as he moved his fingers inside of her, curling them upwards to rub against her walls. He pulled away and their eyes locked. "I wanna hear you say it."

"Please," she begged with a pant, reaching her hand down and curling her thin fingers around his cock to give it a few steady strokes. Her emerald eyes reflected in the mocha that stared back at her and she swallowed the desire that was in her throat. Her other hand came up to meet his face, brushing her fingertips against his cheek. “Cum inside me, I want you to make me pregnant.” 

His breath hitched in his throat hearing the words come from her mouth and he involuntarily let a groan sound in his throat. Shikamaru surged forward to kiss her again, their tongues meeting with a desperate moan. She used one arm to support her weight on the bed and wrapped the other around the back of his neck, holding him close to her. He pulled his fingers out from her core and grabbed hold of his girth from her, lining the tip up with her entrance. He slowly pushed his hips forward, the head of his cock breaching her tight hole. He gave in to his desire and slammed his hips forward, a hungry growl escaping him as he buried himself deep inside of her. He pressed his forehead against hers as he rutted into her, her walls clenching around him and making him lose his composure. He pinched his brow and closed his eyes as he plunged deep inside of her cunt. He dug his fingers into the flesh of her thigh, holding her leg up to give him room to move. He set a frantic pace, rocking the bed as he dug his heels into the mattress, losing any and all control that he had. Every punch of his hips had his cock hitting her cervix. The pain was enough to make her cry out, but the pleasure she felt far outweighed the ache.

They were both a mess; panting through their noses and moaning against each other's lips, fingers digging into flesh, hips rolling together in sync. Yuuna's skin was on fire, overstimulated from the countless orgasms she'd already had, yet her gut still burned with longing. Her moans increased in volume and she had to pull away from his face to catch her breath as he plowed into her, eyes shutting tight and white knuckle grasping at the bed sheets. He moved his hand down from its spot against her thigh to run his middle and ring fingers in fast circles around her clit, determined to push her towards one final climax before he gave in to his own lust. She began to shake her head as she pulled away from his lips, gasping for air and eyes spilling tears.

"I-I can't, I c-can't…!" She hiccuped, vision blurring as she writhed around underneath him from the assault on her nerves. He pressed his lips to hers again, groaning into her mouth as he flicked his wrist at a pace that almost matched his hips.

"Yes you can," He challenged, his voice husky, a primal look in his eyes. "And you're going to."

Every touch of his body against hers felt like fire under her skin. It was almost too much to bear. He edged her closer and closer to that final burning climax, and when it hit her, she cried out his name and began to tremble as her back arched up off of the bed. She stared up at the ceiling with wide opened eyes as fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks, tongue hanging from her mouth, chest heaving desperately as she tried to catch her breath.

He skated his hand back up to her thigh where he grabbed onto her leg and squeezed it in his arms, slamming his hips hard against hers. He could feel the knot inside him unraveling and he closed his eyes tight, allowing the pleasure to finally take him over. His thrusts grew sloppy as he came inside of her with a guttural moan, rolling his hips against hers as he shot thick spurts of his hot cum deep inside her, fucking it into her womb. 

"So good baby, you did so good," he huffed in exertion. He laid there next to her and allowed himself to ride out his high, giving his hips a few more shallow bucks until finally he came to a halt. He pressed his forehead to hers gently with his eyes closed. "You did so fucking good."

She laid next to him and whimpered as her body twitched, finally releasing the death grip she had on the bed sheets. Her legs trembled and shook as she stretched them out flat, Shikamaru pulling out of her as a result. Giving a little sniffle, she used the back of her hand to wipe the tears off her cheeks and she smiled at him.

"That was…"

"A little too intense?" He chuckled softly, kissing the tip of her nose as he caressed her burning skin. "Guess I got a little carried away. Sorry about that."

"No, it's fine!" She giggled dismissively at him. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't expecting it."

"Had to take advantage of the opportunity to fuck you silly without worrying about Shikaro, it'd be a drag if I had let it go to waste." He teased, wrapping his arms around Yuuna's waist and nuzzling his nose against her neck. She laughed out loud at his words, humming contently and wrapping her arms around the back of his neck.

"Do you think it worked?" She pondered. He scoffed and looked up at her without moving his head.

"With all that effort I put into it, it better have fucking worked." He complained, his voice muffled as he spoke against her skin. She chuckled and hummed, running her fingers through his long dark hair and gently scratching his scalp.

"Well, if it didn't, at least we got to have some much needed time together." She pointed out with a grin. He dragged his fingertips along her back, tracing the scar that resided in the middle of it. "And if it did, then we have another baby. So it's win-win."

He pulled his head away from her body just enough to stare down at her stomach. He shifted one of his hands from her back and smoothed it along her skin until it rested flat against her navel. With a grin, he looked up into her eyes and pressed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss. He pulled away after a quiet moment and a mischievous grin pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"We should get a babysitter more often."

#naruto #naruto fanfic #naruto shippuden fanfic #naruto smut #naruto shippuden smut #naruto oc #naruto shippuden oc #naruto oc smut #shikamaru #shikamaru nara #nara shikamaru #shikamaru x oc #shikamaru nara x oc #shikamaru x oc smut #shikamaru nara x oc smut #smut #smut writing #shikamaru x reader #shikamaru nara x reader #shikamaru smut #shikamaru nara smut #naruto smut fanfic #naruto oc fanfic #not sfw #my art #my fic #nardo oc #shikayuuna

[ohtobeleah]

leah lovie! for Strictly Scandalous, i was wondering if you can do jake w bondage and overstimulation 🥵 i cannot stop thinking how smug he will get to see you tied up and being worked up

EEEEEPP. I literally malfunctioned thinking about this. Brain go Brrrrrr—

Warnings: This is Strictly Scandalous. Smut ahead.

“Hey Hangman?” Bradley is still drying his hair when his feet hit the wood flooring at yours and Jake's new home. The one you'd been building together for the better half of a year. The one Bradley Bradshaw is staying at for the weekend. “Showers great, honest–” Roosters mumbling as he rounds the corner where you and Jake are sitting on the couch. Your legs are thrown over your husband as he draws absent minded shapes into your thigh. An episode of the new season of Outer Range playing on the TV. “But what's with the hook?” 

“Hmm?” You weren’t really listening until Jake was pausing the episode for you. “Sorry, Roo honey–what did you say?” 

“What's with the giant ass hook sticking out of the walk in the shower for?” Fuck. You're sucking in a nervous breath just as you feel Jake shift under your legs. He’s looking at you, wondering what you're gonna say to cover up the fact the hook is truly there for one reason and one reason only.

To hang you from. 

(Last Night) 

The warmth of the water that cascaded down your naked body brought you back to reality as your high sent you into the stratosphere. Your muscles relaxed under the warmth that radiated from the water, Jake still down on his knees as your head hung low in exhaustion. 

“I'm not done with you pretty girl.” Jake cooed, he loved how you babbled incoherently at his words, damn near drooling as your toes barely touched the tiles of the shower floor. Arms up above your head as the cuffs that linked your wrist together worked to hold you up on the reinforced hook. Purely there for Jake's own entertainment. Your very own Christian Grey if you will. “What's your colour sweetheart.” 

“Green–” You sighed as you caught your breath. “But Jake, please, I need a minute, I–” There was no reasoning with Jake when he was like this. Down on his knees in front of you looking at you like he could just devour you over and over again. His favourite meal, breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

“No time baby, I'm ready for thirds.” Jake smirked as his hands gripped at your hips, holding you still against the cool of the shower wall, licking a stripe up your soaking cunt as the tip of his nose pressed every so gently against your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“Ahhh! Baby–Baby, fuugghh—Jake!!” You gritted your teeth to cry and hold the whimpers in. fighting to climb up and away from the power his tongue held. Pulling on the handcuffs as your back arched. 

“Stay the fuck still sweetheart, I dont wanna have to punish you for being disobedient.” Jake hissed as he slipped two digits in between your folds, pushing into you as you moaned his name blissfully.” 

“Jake–” 

“Such a pretty pussy.” Jakes fingers as curling against your velvet walls, pumping his fingers in and out as he sets a ridiculously agonising speed that drives your already overstimulated cunt into a frenzy, sending shock waves of pleasure and pain throughout your entire body until your toes are curling and your muscles are tensing to a point beyond your control. “Come on baby, I know you can come again for me.” 

You simply hum in response shaking your head no because you truly don't think the coil could be wound up again, but Jake just knows your body like the back of his hands. He knows what to say, what to do to get you going. “Come on pretty girl, just one more for me yeah? Ill fuck you dumb after that.” Jakes smirking against your clit as his fingers pump in and out, in and out. “You want me to fuck you dumb dont you?” He truly is a sight, down on his knees in the shower, hair sopping wet, muscles tight and shiny.

God you wanted him to ravish you. Fuck you into the next century, but you couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but clench and wither and moan out as you felt the coil being wound up. Threatening to snap back at any second, at any moment, and any sudden movement. 

“Fuck, I can feel you clenching around my fingers baby, know your close, fucking cum for me.” It’s Jake's saltuary words that have you coming undone at the seams. 

“Ahhhhh fuck! Jake, ohhhh fuuughh—Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake!” He doesn’t stop, if anything Jake keeps the steady pace he’s set going all throughout your third high, knowing that working you through it would only have you babbling incoherently at the slightest touch later. 

“Yes baby, look at you, so pretty for me huh? Tastes so sweet.” Jake could do this all day—he would if he could. “Can’t wait to fuck you dumb, give you a forth and a fifth orgasm—“ 

“Please—“ You beg, coming down from the highest mountain Jake could have taken you to. “No more, can’t—“ 

“Oh but you can darlin, I know you can.” 

(Now) 

“Uh—“ Jake stuttered. “It came with the house.”

“Hangman—you two built this house……”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Strictly Scandalous Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin

#ohtobeleah 3k celebration #strictly scandalous jake ‘hangman’ seresin #jake seresin x y/n #jake hangman x y/n #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin fanfiction

[chunnies]

GRHEHEHEHEH i’m finally back baes😍😘😘😘😘🥰🥰😘😘😍

Summary: RE2!Leon x AFAB!reader . AU where leon is happy and nothing ever happened. So he is happy with his lover after his first day as an officer.

not proof read please don’t come at me i’m sensitive

AND PLEASE COMMENT YALL MY FRIENDS DONT TALK TO ME !!

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

“Wake up.” The woman gently woke her lover from his slumber. If she had a choice she would let the young man sleep longer. She knew if she let her feelings keep him in bed he would never get to work on time.

“I’m up..” Leon said, his hair tussled around, he was beautiful every morning, hell, he was beautiful all the time. He sat up and leaned against the bed frame and looked the woman in the eyes. He couldn’t help but smile every time he saw her. She was the most beautiful person in the world. Everything about her he loved, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. He loved her.

She leaned over from where she was standing and placed a small kiss on his cheek.

“Cmon love, shower and get dressed. It’s a big day!” She said in a cheerful tone. Her eyes lit up every time she saw him. She loved how beautiful he was, his dirty blonde hair. His blue eyes. His broad shoulders. His long legs, his calves , his happy trail. She loved him. All of him, not just him on good days, him on bad ones too. She has never loved someone like she loved him. He was perfect. In every single way. There was nothing and no one who could tell her different, but alas. She can’t stand there and stare at him all day. (Even though she probably could.)

He gave her a quick peck before sliding out of the bed. He stood up and stretched, muscles flexing in the process. Then he grabbed a towel and showered. She wanted to join him but,if she got in neither would be leaving for atleast a hour and a half. So, she made breakfast. She doesn’t cook much, usually it’s Leon doing all the cooking but,he had a big day ahead of him.

Fifteen minutes after he got in the shower he just as quickly got out, put his uniform on and headed to see his lover. When he made it to the kitchen she snuck up behind her and slid his hands between her sides, pulling her into a hug from behind.

“Hi, baby.” She said while looking over her shoulder. All he did was hum in response and kissed her. Slowly trailing down from her lips down to her neck.

“Not now, baby.” She stuttered out with small breaths.

“Why not?” He questioned her while still leaving small kisses down her neck leaving a hickey here and there.

“You’ve got work and i’m cooking..” *She said while flipping the pancakes that were in the pan onto a plate

“Fine, i’m not gonna be happy about it though.” He said while playfully pouting and sitting down at their table. As he did that she smiled at him and placed two plates down. Then she turned everything off and placed everything away. She then sat down across from him.

They ate in silence.

Not an awkward silence. A comfortable one. They ate while occasionally looking up at the other. They both finished and put their plates away. Leon put on his shoes and headed for the door.

“Have a good day, cariño.” She said before giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He left and she was just there. Alone.

She cleaned up the house a little while he was gone, washed the dishes, made the bed, did regular around the house cleaning. She had fallen asleep on the couch when he got off work. She wanted to surprise him by having dinner made, but her body had other plans.

He had been looking around the house for her and soon found her passed out on the couch.

“Baby…” He softly shook her awake. Leaving soft kisses on her cheek

She grumbled and leaned up. Looking him in the eye she couldn’t help but smile. She placed a kiss onto his lips.

“Welcome home, love.” She said as she put her hand on his cheek and her forehead onto his

“How’d it go, love?” She asked while leaning back

“Great, actually! I’m exhausted but, it was great. I just wanna lay down with my lover. Have you eaten? I got take out just in case.”

She smiled while hearing everything he had to say. “Good. I’m starving!” *She said before getting off the couch and placing one last kiss on his lips. She walks off to the kitchen and she looks for what he brought.

“Thank you. Much love.” She said while stuffing her face. He couldn’t do anything but smile and think about how he got so lucky to meet someone like you.

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon x reader #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #resident evil vendetta #resident evil 6

[a-lone-echoviolet]

Ok i was gonna finish this before posting any info but no one knows me enough and i dont have free time rn

Plus i really wanna talk about thiss

So i have an AU im working on called ‘Booktale’ (original wow)

I have a story planned out, character info and stuff but school and exhaustion keeps getting in the way

So instead of letting it collect dust like i normally let it do, imma show you guys some stuff about it!

Character designs and some general info! (that i was able to sketch out)✨

Here are the ones ive sketched out! I havent gotten to asgore , gaster or muffet yet tho :((

-Asterisk (frisk)

- ambrovert

- Gender fluid

- Soul is perseverance

- Best friends with chara

- Reads: fairlytales,mythical books,urban legends,and adventure books

-Character (chara)

- Introverted

- Gender fluid

- Soul was determination

- Best friends with frisk

- Their soul was put in a container before breaking completely

- Their determination was strong enough to keep them as a ghost that is stuck underground, only able to observe everyone go by with their lives without them

- Mostly a guide for frisk

-Symbolism(Flowey)

- Flowey is an Anemone flower, it symbolizes death

- Reads: ######s older logs, history(doesn’t read often)

- Knows about the multiverse theory but is unsure if it’s true

- Hes great at acting all sweet and nice

-Moral(Asriel)

- Extroverted

- Reads: kids books, fairytales, art books

- Always wanted to be a hero

-Exposition(toriel)

- Loves to cook and bake

- Favorite thing to bake: pies and cupcakes

- When exiting the ruins, instead of wanting to force you stay, she will test if you truly are strong enough to leave, to be on your own, and basically teaches you how to actually fight

- Despite being so kind and motherly <3 she can put up a good fight [if she needs to]

-Script(sans)

- ambrovert (hes ok with talking with everyone, but he is a bit ackward when making friends [mainly cuz hes both kinda excited and shy to meet people and doesn’t know what to say)

- Reads: science books, jokes books, ######’s old log books, fansty books (almost every type but mostly reads these types)

- Spars with papyrus, to both help paps train and to let sans get out of the house and use his magic more

- Works in the library

- Not as lazy as OG, rather is just more layed back and is actually willing to do physical work

- Makes puns and jokes but his favorite ones are definitely the ones about magic (and dark humor)

- Best friends with alphys

- He helps alphys in her work (and before, also ######)

- Knows about the multiverse and wants to travel through and know the different versions of him and others, and all the stories that are different from his

Plot (papyrus)

- Extrovert

- Reads: cook books, action books, Fantasy books and puzzelbooks

- despite sans not being as lazy as Classic, papyrus is more responsible in this AU

- Hes part of the royal gaurd! Being 2nd in command

- he acts before he really thinks, it has its pros and cons, being able to react fast to save anyone in danger

- Hes a great cook! and does cooking hang outs with undyne(undyne adding the fun and action while papyrus makes sure its edible and tastes good)

- His favorite thing to cook is lasagna

- He’s already quite popular and loved but it doesn’t matter so much to him, the love from his friends and bro are enough (tho he does love the attention)

-ellipsis (alphys)

- Shy ambrovert(shes ok with talking to a big public crowd, but talking one-on-one/ face-to-face, She gets real shy)

- She seems shy at first, but once you get to know her, she’s quite a chatterbox

- She knows how to be calm, collected, serious and calculated when needed

- She used to be friends with ######, because they used to be Co-workers (‘But who is ######? Ive always worked alone’)

- Reads: Manga, Romance novels, Science books, and ######’s old logs(for research)

-conflict(undyne)

- Ambrovert

- Leader of the royal guard

- She’s great at healing physical wounds and serious physical damages

- She’s a real smack talker (she can practically roast anyone if she so pleased)

- Even tho she’s good at trash talking, she’s just great with words in general( whether it be advice or confessingherfeelings)

- hiatus(napstablook)

- shy introvert

- He is a writer

- He never finishes any of his books (but he always leaves the end of every chapter open ended

- He enjoys writing angst and ventish books

- He’s anonymous online and no one knows him in real life

- He’s a well know and loved author (even if his books are unfinished)

Typewriter (mettaton)

- Genderfluid

- Extrovert

- Is a host of a talk show/interview show/drama show (they also are a news anchor)

- Their very protective over anyone close (especially alphys) and it takes a while to truly get on their good side

- They can be quite pushy when it comes to questions, even when the person seems uncomfortable (however they do back down after they’ve realized they pushed to far)

- You can catch them snooping around the lab for some ‘secrets’ (tho he could never find anything serious, just alphys’s anime collection of anime)

- He isn’t mean but he is quite cocky

(The ones I haven’t Designed yet)

-Rhyme (Muffet)

- Shy extrovert

- Mute by choice (tho whenever she does talk, she often rhymes)

- Reads: baking books, Anything with fluff, romance, fantasy, and horror

- She knows ASL

- Very sweet and friendly. however, can be hostile if you hurt spiders, her pet, anyone who is defenceless, or when needed

-ɱɪșșɪɳɠ fɪʟɝ(ɠɐȘ┳ɵʁ)

- extrovert

- A very smart guy with a great sense of humor (hes the one who got sans into puns)

- He knows ASL

- He used to be great friends with Asgore (and tori),Sans and alphys

- He isn’t a skeleton, he is actually more of blob of matter

- He can shape shift, however he cannot change his head or hands and he can’t change colors (so he stays white and black)

- Before he entered the Void, he took the shape of a tall slender human. Some mistook him for a skeleton because of his human like shape and white form. Tho when he entered the void it became harder to hold any shape other than a blob

-Resolution (king asgore)

*(i havent made any info on him just yet :(( )

#echo-violet rambles #violetdrawings #undertale #undertale au #Booktale #utmv #utmv au #utmv oc #another undertale au? omfg #undertale fandom #undertale alternate universe #it actually started because of an ink battle i saw on yt 6 years ago #it was just gonna me sans at first but it branched out #idk.. even if i flesh it out i feel like it will flop and i’ll just a a drop of water in the sea #its fun tho :) #i wanna have fun with you guyss😭😭 #plss everyones AUs are so cool

[monoumysteries]

Genshin oc.

I still have a little tweaks and stuff i need to flatten out containing her character information but this is what i have at the moment! Plus voicelines.

Hello; "Woah, hey There! You look like a fun one to party with. Im Mirika. Number one prankster in all of mondstadt!"

Chat: Pranks; " Theres nothing like playing a good ol trick on a close friend!"

Chat: Prank gone wrong; "Haha.. Yeah, its always a bit awkward when someone gets a bit angry at ya. But hey, one day they'll look back at it and say "Hey! That was kinda funny afterall.."

Chat: Exploring; "..Ahh, mondstadt is always a great place to explore!"

When Lightning strikes; "Woah!! Careful, that one definitely almost hit ya--"

When the sun is out; "Perfect timing, why dont we go for that walk now, ay?"

When it rains; "Maybe we should head inside, its getting.. pretty wet dont you think?"

When the wind is blowing; "This breeze would of been way better if we were on a mountain.. we should go!"

Good morning; "Morning! How you feel about some Mora Meat to start off the day?"

Good afternoon; "Hey! You wanna hunt with me before the sun goes down, im in the mood for some boar!"

Good evening: "Phew, well that was fun! Im exhausted, wanna talk to Kathryn and check the commissions for tomorrow?"

Good Night: "Huh? Oh, Your heading out? Well, have a good rest! I had fun today, lets go out some more tomorrow!"

About Mirika: shenanigans "Wanna know my favorite prank to pull? Classic waterbucket on a door. A little water will never hurt anyone. But Haha.. alot of people don't like that one for some reason"

About Mirika: indecisiveness; "Ugh, you know its so hard to pick something. Like why choose between Mora Meat and salmon! Why cant i just have both?"

About the vision; "in all Honesty, when i first got my vision, i thought the gods gave it to me out of pity. I mean, me? A vision? I didnt want to use it.. but eventually i realized such gods wouldnt do such a thing. So im indeed greatful for the power they trusted me with!"

Something to share. "i love to climb mountains or sit in trees. It makes me feel super powerful. And it gives me the feeling i could do anything! Like.. a sense of authority or confidence! When we go out next time wanna come with me to my most favorite spots?"

Interesting things: "im a pretty big eater! Ive won 3 Eating competitions, last year, you know!

Alot people wonder how i stay fit and eat so much. Its probably because im always up and about! Its also probably the reason i get hungry so fast.."

About bennett; "Bennett? Oh Bennett is one of my best buds! We go on aventures together, we climb together, we eat alot of meat together, hes so fun! And i consider his unluck, to be really lucky. It makes the adventure unforgettable and Unpredictable!

About Venti: "Hes pretty cool, a free spirit and always knows what to do in a tough situation! Sometimes i dont know how he keeps a smile on his face. Not to mention hes an amazing singer and poet! He tells the most interesting of stories!

Both he and i know, that the danger in adventuring is what makes it so fun!"

About klee: "Shes adorable, and definitely has the spirit to be an adventurer. Though she definitely needs to work on where and how she should use her bombs.. now She is the definition of Unpredictable.."

About barbara: "Barbara scares me a little-- she's definitely one i wouldnt prank too often. She gets scared that ill one day mess up the cathedral.

Though besides that shes always willing to help whenever i have an injury, shes calm, gentle and very nice! Whats not to love..?"

More about mirika: l; "Oh, Me? Well, theres nothing to special about me. Im just a young adventurer looking for something fulfilling in my life. Dont take my charm and looks for granted, stay a couple feet away or you might fall into one of my tricks. Ahah."

More about Mirika: ll; "Hmm, well i dont really remember much about my younger days. I suppose i dont remember, because im not too fond of thinking about it.. luckily All i need is my brother and friends! Think more about the future rather then dwelling on the past is what i say!"

Mirika's Hobbies: "Well, cooking is definitely one of my specialties, its fo much fun to sit at an open fire and make some delicious food. Its definitely something you need to know how to do if your gonna be an adventurer!"

Mirika's troubles: "Ah well. It can be very disappointing, when i come home without anything in hand.. its so frustrating to spend so much time and energy into hoping to find something cool! But then.. your disappointed. Luckily, it gives me an excuse to go home. Mondstadt id always a place of happiness so no worried right?"

Favorite food: "Meat and fish! Meat is so fulfilling and you can make so many amazing dishes with it! Fish is also super similar, i typically prefer freshly cooked salmon, with delicious crunchy skin! Mmm thinking about it makes me hungry!"

Least favorite food.: "well.. im not a big fan of mushrooms. Im not a fan of the allmighty mushroom skewers.. Though, the Matsutake meatrolls can sure fill my hunger!"

#genshin impact #genshin oc #genshin impact oc #genshin fandom #genshin fanart #my art #fandom #oc art #oc sheet #reference sheet #character sheet

[gloomysoup]

listen, love my job. working with littles is both amazing and exhausting but i wouldn't have it any other way. there's something very satisfying about the connections i've been able to make with them and the progress i've seen in the short time i've been at this childcare center. however, sometimes i think the lead teacher in my room should not be a teacher.

she's a nice person and all, good with the kids, but she doesn't seem... like she's fit for the job, is all. she's never in the classroom and often fails to communicate lesson plans or ideas, and hardly ever takes suggestions. this week we're doing butterflies with our littles and the other day, she straight up asked me if a caterpillar comes before a chrysalis. she was 100% serious. she had no clue. after i told her that yes, caterpillars come before the chrysalis, bc that's how life cycles work, i made a little joke about that being elementary school biology that she should know, being the lead teacher and all. she said she thought science was stupid. granted, it could have been a joke in response to my joke, and the other teacher's jokes that followed, but part of me doesn't think it was.

and then there's the cocomelon shit. let it be known that as a daycare teacher, and someone who has taken courses in early childhood development and psychology, i absolutely resent cocomelon. it is horrible for a child's developing brain. it's overstimulating in several aspects, and it doesn't actually teach anything. it is, subjectively speaking, one of the worst kids shows i've ever come across in terms of how it helps with development. i've read psychological studies and articles about the negative affects cocomelon can have.

and yet, this woman lets her own child watch it. she puts on cocomelon songs for the kids i work with all the time. she has praised cocomelon and talks often about how much her toddler loves it. i refuse to let anything cocomelon play while i'm in the classroom bc i cannot stand it. i've also stood my ground on this, explained my point of view to the other teachers. it has not been played while i'm present since, but i have walked into the room to certain songs playing before.

obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and not every teacher is going to have the same views on early childhood education, but the things just keep piling up with her. and it's really starting to annoy me. she tries to act like she knows so much and does all these lesson plans, but not once has she clued me in on anything. not once has she asked my opinion or acknowledged my suggestions. maybe i'm just looking too far into things that aren't there, but i just don't believe she makes a very good lead teacher. all we seem to do is sit and watch the kids play while kidz bop or cocomelon plays on the ipad. and while that's great sometimes, it doesn't feel like a lot of learning is happening. and if i try to bring this up and offer suggestions, i simply get shut down. at this point, i'm not sure what i can do. i would take it to the director, but this teacher is the director's daughter in law and is often shown favoritism. she spends more time talking in the office than she does her own classroom. i also apparently dont have the qualifications to be considered a teacher, even though i have more than enough college credits, so there's nothing i can do on that end unless i wanna put myself back through school. which is not really in the cards for me right now either.

so basically, i'm stuck. and this sucks. and i've seriously thought about asking if i can be moved to the pre k room instead, but there's very specific reasons that i was placed as a closer in the classroom im in and i don't want those things to go back to how they were before.

#gloomysoup rambles #personal rant

[mejomonster]

My gastroparesis driving me up a wall. And by that i mean ive been barely eating for over a week now and my symptoms still arent improving and im really not havin a great time im exhausted my bodys in pain trying to get me to Rest but i gotta work full time and my abdomen absolutely hurts but painkillers slow digestion even More so ive been laying down on heatpad as much as possible and i really dont wanna go back to an All Liquid diet (but even if i did im at the nausea and vomiting point of a gastroparesis flare which means even liquid only im likely to throw up either way) and like. I just wanna comfort eat bread cause i feel miserable exhausted in pain and it would be a small joy. But bread is absolutely not something i can eat during a flare. I can only eat it when doing good if i take benedryl. Im so angry and tired and id like to sleep for days. And i gotta still Make myself eat chips and protein shakes even tho i got nausea cause my gi meds dont work unless i eat Something. Even if i got nausea and tons of pain wooh

Anyway im getting flack from family for being so tired the last week and i love em and all but its awful feeling guilty for not calling Enough when its like goddamn eating (something humans gotta do at least once a day) hurts phenomenally and i barely can but i obviously desire to like any human then i eat and Ouch my body didnt fucking like that and punished me for it and im so mad. I feel awful and yeah im mad i dont got energy to hide how much pain im in and chat false enthusiastically for 20 minutes after already doing it all thru work. I had 1 teaspoon of peanut butter today and my remaining options are soup broth (but it had beans cooked in it and my body cant take fiber today so idk if its worth the risk of any accidental beans) and salad (which is of course raw vegetables fiber very hard on stomach rn so i can probably just eat a handful size portion and hopefully ill chew enough its mush and my body will tolerate it). And a protein shake (but its got fiber and is made of chickpeas i think for the protein so idk if my body is tolerating it or not im just drinking it so i dont have no calories). I had chips yesterday but i think my body considered it too solid or large to digest idk cause im eveb worse today. I also had toast yesterday cause i was so angry and hungry and wanted comfort food. So of course that messed me up. Which means i should take more benedryl. But then i wont just be hungry and pain tired, ill also be drug tired. And im so sick of being miserablr all day at work just to pass out the second its over cause allergy meds knocked me out then ive lost all day. But without allergy meds i can eat hardly anything i like. I mean i cant eat rn but like. Right before this fuckjng flare and hopefully once its over. Im just sick of it. Im tired and when i go to therapy next week shell probs ask oh what do you do to stress relief and its like... i get it but are u fucking kidding me. Im knocked unconcious from benedryl. And tired anyway cayse no food, and pain nonstop from gi tract. So im barely doing anything. I cant really get outta bed cause i need the 4 sq feet heatpad or ill be in agony over my abdomen. Dont have tv in room so i can use phone i guess. So tired i can barely keep eyes open or think so im not writing reading or watching shows on phone. I can idk listen to a reaction or lets play since if i fall asleep and wake up i dont need to follow a plot. But like im not in a state to be going for a fucking walk (i wish! I wanna dance and walk but my abdomen and back feel awful and im so tired im dizzy when i stand) or hang out w friend, which im sure idk shed prefer to hear some productive ass activity like god im just trying to keep myself employed and out of the ER until the flare rights itself. Please

And i know jts not that bad. Ive been worse. I couldnt eat solid food for 6 months once. I was in the ER weekly it was so bad i blocked most of it outta memory. This is only a couple weeks. And i havent thrown up much! I was throwing up 5 times daily back then. And i have had chips and peanut butter! I recognizr thats nice, i got some solid food and held it down! I know my gastroparesis is EONS LESS severe than it was when it started.

Its just like. It still sucks barely eating for weeks and any eating hurting immensely and nonstop nausea for days and pain not lowering. Like a normal healthy person might snap from anger if they try to go 20 hours without eating, or crash and need to eat to keep going, or just be run down as fuck and justifiable if they barely do anything that day. But i go days like that and im expected to just appear fine and live life normally like im not worn down af and just desperate to not feel nausea and pain and i just really wanna eat again. Normally.

#rant #my health issues

[dogshit-enchantment]

thoughts about totk

i dont know if its just me, but does anyone else feel like the story direction for this game is kindve ... bad? like the actual plot itself was interesting at first but everytime the characters try to deliver a serious line of 'my secret stone' I can't help but laugh at them. It sounds like a mistranslation you would see in a 90's port of a game, not a multi-million dollar triple A title in 2023.

Not only that goofy nature of it but like, why is Zelda so british? No one else is, not even her dad. Why did they chose a VERY british direction for her voice and no one else? It's so distracting and every time she talks I don't pay attention to what she's saying cuz I wish she would just stop talking. (I still hold a grudge over her for feeding Link a fucking frog and then people have the audacity to be like 'oh theyre in love' like no thats fucking sibling behavior at best.)

There's so many aspects of the game where it feels like they want a very specific series of events to happen and there's a very intended player experience. But then... you can go anywhere. Do anything. You can EASILY miss important things (I missed several of the Dragon's Tears because I wasn't aware there was something I was supposed to be grabbing from them I just thought it was scenery) and you can easily find yourself in areas you're not meant to be in yet. "Just teleport out!" Why didn't they just make a linear game that wasn't built as a wanna-be DLC expansion pack?

Having to re-explore a world I'd already put 200+ hours into is frankly tiresome. And to make it THREE TIMES as large??? Exhausting.

I wanted to like this game so much. I preordered it. I went to the midnight release. I played it for six fucking hours the first full day I was able to play it. And after leaving the Great Sky Island all I'm left feeling is... frustrated.

Frustrated at the unclear, hidden direction of where you're supposed to go. Frustrated at the massive size of the map that doesn't have That Many Changes to make it worth going through the nooks and crannies. Frustrated that they turned botw -my favorite climbing simulator- into a gimmick-based game that doesn't like you to use its own gimmick.

The constructs break apart too easily. If you build a flying construct that works well it breaks after about a min and a half of flying. If you build a car to traverse the land it despawns if you hit any cutscene trigger - which are often invisible and unavoidable.

This felt more like a Zelda game in the general flavor of it; you get the classic enemies back, you get actual bomb flowers again, Link is wearing green for fucks sake, and you get actual temples. But the actual heart of it doesn't feel like a Zelda game. The plot feels sloppy at best, rushed at worst, and the voice acting is so genuinely bad it's distracting and embarrassing. The only voice actor I didn't hate was Rauru (Chris Hackney, Legend) and Tulin (Christina Vee, also a Legend), even Sidon felt incredibly stilted.

It feels like the game punishes the player for using the mechanics it gives you to use and play with. Even the fuse mechanic feels like such a back-hand. "Oh we heard the players got frustrated at weapons having a limited usage, so instead of extending it or offering a repair service, we just made Every Weapon Shitty" like wtf. And even for the fuse mechanic theres only ONE PLACE that lets you unfuse and it's through a clunky dialogue menu! (my favorite!!! totally not the reason I stopped playing acnh!!!!) I played for 50 hours and was positive you couldn't unfuse weapons. Wow.

botw was fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it and the fact that your tools were simply on a cooldown. totk feels like a resource-scavenger except the resources are so hard to actually acrue. Not only that, but I've seen other ppl complain about how much harder it feels to upgrade your equipment. As if they needed some way to bloat the game even more.

This is just me rambling about my feelings and maybe talking in circles about it but I feel annoying trying to actively discuss my feelings with anyone so I guess this will do.

I've only beaten half of the bosses and 3 of the temples, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep going. I got stuck at the fire temple boss and I would argue its the worst temple in the game and I haven't even gotten to the Gerudo one. That's just how strongly I feel about the fire temple. I hate the minecart layout, I hate the lava puzzle mechanics, and I literally rage-quited after my 10th attempt at the boss. The water temple boss was annoying but it was mostly just learning patterns and having good reaction time. The fire temple boss is JUST rng.

which sucks cuz the wind temple was sick!!!! it was so cool!!! and the boss was probably one of my top 20 bosses!!! and then I did the water temple and Sidon kept glitching out and wouldn't accompany me for half of the trip up to it, and the GRAVITY!!!! UGH!!!!!!

I'm trying to think of points of the game I've truly enjoyed and I think the highlights of it have been: got to keep Epona from my botw save. But then that turned out to be a nothing burger since you can't have her tow anything. (also the fucking towing minigame that feels so insulting. "please take us to the great fairy!" YOU COULDVE JUST WALKED ITS LITERALLY A FIVE MINUTE WALK)

uhh, other good points uhhh, the new armor is pretty cool. I really like the Ember and Miner set. I really like the cave system. (shouldn't really be a feature but whatever) and uhhhhhhhh, yeah idk. I'm struggling to find points I truly enjoyed past the introductory level. like yeah building a car is cool! ... until it despawns and you lose 40min and work, and yeah I know autobuild can rebuild it but I'm not made of spare parts. And like, the korok puzzles were cute! Until you find one every 15 min and they take at least 10 to get them to their friend.

I think the most enjoyable minigame was the one with the sign dude on the side of the road where you help him hold it up. That was one of the better, more enjoyable parts of the game for me so far. It felt like it actually tested your building skills while not being truly punishing. Just start over if it doesnt work.

botw was a strong like 8/10 for me, and I think totk is gonna unfortunately be like a 5/10. The direction is janky at best. The gimmicks of the game are viable for most of the game. Exploring the same world with minor changes is frustrating and boring. Exploring the Depths makes me want to personally throw up since I have a phobia of dark, open spaces with Things lurking inside. Exploring the sky is fun but I didn't realize you could *reuse* the sheikah tower until 45 hours in because why would I think it would let me do it again??? So it felt inaccessible and frustrating.

The ability to fuse anything to anything and have it run and work well is a technical marvel! I'm not saying its not. But does it make a good *game*? Does it make the story direction work? Does it make the boss fights and dungeons work? imo... no. It doesn't. It makes a good tech demo. It makes an impressive piece of programming.

maybe i'll have more thoughts but I just needed to get all that out.

if you read it all thanks if not you wont be seeing this lol

#rambling #truly the one time that tag is actually applicable #totk #i have complicated feelings about it

[duckymcdoorknob]

Little angst oneshot because I’m exhausted and still have to go back to my hell camp of a school tomorrow.

Inspired by this post here. I envisioned one specific scene as soon as I read it. So thank you @p0et-is-my-persona !!!

CW BELOW THE CUT: D34th of a background character. Izuku freaks the fuck out.

Slipping Through My Fingers

Ships: Absolutely not

Warnings: See above

Prompt: See above!

Tags: I DONT TAG MY ANGST SORRY. If you wanna be added to angsty taglist, shoot me an ask!

No one expected the time when Izuku finally fell apart. The pressure he had on him was immense, and no one seemed to understand. Hell, the only outlet he had was Kacchan, who told him to get over himself anytime he even considered asking for help.

—

Trying to control Blackwhip was like trying to herd cats. He had been doing his best, but it was so difficult to control. While trying to focus on conjuring it, he had to focus on not letting it get out of hand.

“Ugggghhh!” Izuku groaned into his hands for the nth time that morning, “All-Might, what can I do to make this easier?”

His teacher chuckled, “Exactly what you’re doing: training. You have to focus on one thing at a time with your new quirk. If you’re too focused one element of it, the other element won’t come out.”

“Yeah but, I don’t want it to get out of my control again. The first time was just… so scary.”

“I understand.” The blonde man said with a patient smile and a hand to the boy’s shoulder, “Try again.”

So, he did. Izuku tried to focus only on conjuring Blackwhip. When he did so, it came out much more than he had imagined, causing immense panic immediately. “ALL-MIGHT? HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?”

“Close your eyes! Think of a good moment you’ve had lately!”

The green-haired hero closed his eyes harshly, trying to replay his memories like a record. Except, when he went back in time, he only thought of the bad moments. The times he got low test grades, or Kacchan yelled at him, or his quirk wouldn’t work, or his classmates looked at him with fear for a week after the 1-A vs 1-B incident.

“Young Midoriya?!” His teacher cried out to him.

Oh no, it must’ve made the feral quirk worse.

What can he do? What can he do? What can he do?

He closed his eyes again, breathing in and in out slowly. He thought of the time Iida and Todoroki offered him their lunches when he didn’t bring his own. He thought of the Mario Kart tournament in the common area, when him and Denki absolutely obliterated everyone. He found himself chuckling lightly, they really were the perfect team.

Memory after memory, the hissing whips emitting from his knuckles began to recoil into his hands. It took a while, but finally they stopped.

With a sigh of relief, and a wide smile, Izuku fell back down to the ground. The boy covered his eyes with his arm, breathing heavily.

“Great job, Young Midoriya.” All-Might said, placing his hand on the hero’s head of messy green hair.

The young hero sighed heavily. Who knew it would be this hard? Regardless, he stood slowly to his feet, and began preparing for the next aspect of training. Now that he knew how to control it, it would be a helpful tool! Right…?

—

As the villain ravaged through the city, destroying everything in sight, Izuku was struggling to stay calm. The world that he knew was being absolutely decimated, how could he not panic?

Breaking him from his panic were the cries of a little girl and her mother. They were stuck atop a building and trying to hide from the villain. Or, they were.

In a flash, the green-haired hero made a beeline for said building, running and jumping as fast as he could to get there.

Upon his arrival, he barely had time to react to the villain throwing them both off of the roof.

“BLACKWHIP!” He cried out to himself, aiming his hands downward.

Wisps of blue and black strands emerged from his fingers. They flailed about blindly, for Izuku hadn’t mastered its control yet.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus, luckily a strand wrapped around the little girl… but her mother was falling too quickly.

“Nonononono!” Izuku shouted, jumping from the rooftop and grabbing the girl midair, “I CAN MAKE IT!”

Unfortunately for him, as he caught the woman, her head collided with the pavement below. The young hero fell to his knees in horror as the realization struck…

He had let her die.

This little girl had no mother and it was going to be his fault. She has to grow up without her mama to teach her. He robbed her. He robbed her of her mother doing her hair, robbed her of her first big achievement that her mother got to watch. He robbed her.

Pro heroes soon arrived on the scene, leading the boy and little girl away from the deceased woman. It didn’t matter though…

Nothing mattered. They were a day late and a dollar short.

It didn’t matter, because she was already dead.

“C’mon, little guy. Let’s get you back home.” The gentle voice of the number two hero filled his ears as a hand grazed his shoulder, “You tried your best.”

“You tried your best…”

The provisional hero’s figure began to heave as he breathily fought through sobs.

—

Hawks had been silent the entire way back to U.A, not wanting to further upset the boy. He shot a quick message to Aizawa, figuring that Izuku’s teacher could be more helpful than himself.

“Hey, Aizawa. It’s me. Your green guy is pretty shaken up, can I bring him your way?”

“Of course.”

“Just be prepared. I don’t know when he’ll finally let it out. His wisps went awry, and someone slipped through his fingers today.”

“Gotcha. See you soon.”

The two arrived, agonizingly quiet. Making their way back to the dormitory, they ran into Aizawa along the way.

“I’ll leave you two be.” Hawks announced, shortly before squatting to meet Izuku’s eye, “Make sure you try your best to tell him exactly what happened. He’s here to help.”

With a short nod, the green-haired boy fought the residual sniffles with his life.

When the two males locked eyes, Aizawa gave his student a patient smile. “Hey there, problem child. Care to tell me what’s on your mind?”

“I… I don’t think I’m ready sir.” Izuku replied sheepishly.

“That’s alright. I won’t force you.”

The two shuffled about along the path, with the green-haired boy collecting cool pebbles he found.

“Let me tell you a story, Midoriya…” the long haired male said suddenly, sitting down on the sandy ground, “sit.” He said, patting the space next to him.

Izuku listened intently to the story his teacher told him. It was about his first time as a provisional hero. He had let a villain get away after his quirk malfunctioned.

“Yeah but…” he mumbled, “you didn’t kill anybody…”

“I- what?” Aizawa was taken aback. Did Izuku really think he killed the woman?

“You might not have killed someone… but I did. I made such a careless mistake and someone suffered for it.” The boy sighed, as if he was about to reveal a secret, “I can’t control Blackwhip, case in point. You can’t rely on me to be out there anymore.”

“Midoriya-“

“You can’t let them call on me for any more missions!” Izuku stood to his feet, attempting to walk away.

“Mi-“

“Please, Mister Aizawa! I don’t want to kill anyone else!”

“Midoriya!” Aizawa grabbed the retreating hero by his wrist, “You didn’t kill anyone! This wasn’t your fault!”

“But it was!”

He wasn’t sure if it was from the hero’s despair, or frustration, but Shouta saw the boy growing more and more agitated.

“You can’t give up now.” Aizawa ordered, “One little mistake shouldn’t floor your entire hero career. With a little training you can-“

“I just don’t understand! Why do I waste all my time training on a quirk that doesn’t work when I need it most?!” Izuku shouted as he threw the pebble he was holding at the ground. In his anger, he unintentionally channeled a tiny bit of OFA in his finger, which made it slam into the sand into a poff.

Aizawa instinctively jumped backwards, hair floating and eyes red.

The green haired boy’s angry face dropped. His arms fell lax against his side as he staggered a few steps backward, falling harshly on his behind. Tears slowly began to blur his vision. “I-is that how lowly you think of me?“

“Sorry it’s just…It’s just a force of habit, Midoriya.” the hero replied softly.

“You all just think I’m some kind of monster.” As sobs began to heave from his chest, the boy shook. “It’s not fair. I didn’t sign up for this…”

Focused red eyes started to show a tinge of sympathy as they watched the scene in front of them.

“I knew th-that it would have repercussions but…” Izuku began to giggle as he slowly fell apart, “I-I thought I would be treated more humanly! Not like some machine that went awry, not like a villain.” the laughter stopped. Beautiful emerald eyes stared up into Shouta’s own red ones.

“I-is that really how y-you all s-see me?”

Eraserhead was taken aback so harshly that his quirk faltered. He looked upon his student with pure remorse, slowly moving toward him. “Midoriya-“

“N-no! Leave me alone!”

“I know you’re upset-“

“Upset? I let someone die today!”

“You can’t save everyone!”

“I’ll be damned if I didn’t try!” As soon as the words left his lips, the green- haired boy slapped both hands over his mouth as both heroes’ eyes widened. Izuku sputtered out profuse apologies as his teacher moved toward him.

Aizawa knelt down to his student’s level, sitting on the backs of his calves. “You tried your best.” He whispered, pulling the boy into a gentle embrace.

The walls that Izuku had put up proceeded to fall. Though he tried to keep it in, the young hero began to wail. He sobbed into his teacher’s shoulder as soon as he felt the reassurance he needed. “I-I cou-ldnt s-save her! I-I’m a mur-derer!”

“It wasn’t your fault. You tried everything to keep her safe. What matters is, you saved the life of that little girl.” Aizawa said gently, “You gave her the gift that not many heroes would’ve given her. You chose her first, and that’s a mark of a good hero.”

The long haired man held the boy in his arms as he sobbed harshly. “You’re worthy. You’ve done well. I’m so proud of you.” He gently rubbed his thumb on the spot where Izuku’s shoulders met.

Shouta felt his heart shatter into pieces as his student sobbed into his shoulder. He was powerless now, only being able to hold the lamenting child in his arms.

That’s all that Izuku was…

That’s all that this poor boy was.

That’s all that the boy who couldn’t catch someone was.

A child.

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

#mha #bnha #my hero #my hero academia #mha comfort #bnha comfort #my hero comfort #my hero academia comfort #angst #mha angst #bnha angst #my hero angst #my hero academia angst #shota aizawa #Aizawa shota #shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta #midoriya izuku #deku #izuku midoriya #eraserhead #dadzawa #Deku angst #Izuku Midoriya angst #hurt/comfort #tw dying #tw death #cw dying #cw death #tw injury

[functionalfuckup]

Here I find myself again, I have a job, I have good friends who I really love and spend time with

But I always feel so empty??? Sometimes it feels like the only things that made me feel whole are hatred and sadness or the small moments of happiness that are overcome by my constant worrying that they’ll disappear

I don’t like my job, but I am very thankful for it because I know I wouldn’t be anyone without it, I am grateful for all the opportunities and because I am someone, I have a name, people look up to me and rely on me…but that’s soooooo exhausting, I feel completely drained and ashamed because I want to fall apart but I can’t I have to be professional because I am not a kid anymore and no one cares about adults either way…I wish I could die so people would be a bit more merciful because I constantly feel everyone grabbing me and holding me and screaming help to me and I dont have more place in my head or heart for this… I am SO TIRED of waking up everyday and having to interact with people, of having to be responsible, I am only 20 but I feel like such a failure and socially retarded, I AM TIRED of people constantly pushing and pushing and NEEDING ME, but I know I deep down like it because I know I am no one without it. Every single day I feel worst and I don’t know how to stop it, I wish people could just shut up and leave me alone. I am tired of having to be a daughter, I am TIRED of hurting because of a relationship I’m supposed to have with my dad, I am sick of having to be a sister of a brother I dislike. I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE. Breathing is so so tiring, having to wake up and BURN my brain to the ground with multiple social media apps and hiperfixations on characters and shitty tv shows that SOMEHOW bring me more comfort that living at all. I have to go to university but I just don’t care, maybe I want to work, and eat nice things like ice creams, burgers because I just CAN? I want to buy clothes and look pretty, I just want to be simple and laugh with my friends and talk with them…. But I know everyone is striving towards a goal and moving on with their lives because they CARE they actually do? They have something that drives them to wake up and enjoy,,,, but I guess I don’t have that in me, I feel like I lost it years ago… I am 20 years old today and I just don’t have any aspiration… I wanted to study animation but I mean who knows if I’ll make it… I guess I am talented but am I special? I don’t have great ideas, I feel I am weak and gullible and somehow never enough, it’s like I am aware that somehow I can mess things up. I AM SO SO VERY TIRED I am literally ashamed of waking up.. dressing up and talking to people, their boss is a kid that is scared and drained and barely functioning because I don’t wanna be here. I want to make a thousand excuses to not show up my face anywhere because what if they feel or NOTICE somehow how broken I feel on the inside. Every single DAY it’s like my insides are breaking down and I grow more exhausted, I am ALWAYS hyper stimulated just by living in my house with my mom and brother, I don’t feel any connection with them that has not been created out of fear and trauma, I feel so different and alienated that I don’t want to be part of that family. Every day it eats me up alive that I have to live with them because I’m so fucking stupid and weak and with no back bone that who knows if I’ll make it out, it’s like a fucking parasite that will always be stuck with me draining my will to live. I want to do things I guess…. But I am just tired and scared and I don’t have willingness… I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again but just letting my family now that it was on purpose so they can understand and leave me be…miss me…think of me… but just don’t talk to me again

I am tired of having never felt I lived like actually LIVED. I wanted to do what every teenager does in vacations, just play video games, hangout with friends, waste time, maybe do a course or something…..but I just feel that lately I have spent my life out of duty.. having to learn how to drive because of my mother, then giving classes to a child, my brother who I DONT LIKE, then looking for a job immediately after graduating so I couldn’t be with my friends on their last years in the country because I was stuck working on a slave like company. I want to have fun. I want to be free. I want to be happy. I want to feel safe. I want to explore my talents BUT I AM SO FUCKING STUPID AND I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH LIKE SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUUUUCH BECAUSE I AM A USELESS IDIOT AND POOR EXCUSE OF A HUMAN BEING. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow I want to to stay in bed. I want my job and my mom and ALL THE PEOPLE near me to be merciful and soft and give me a break. I want people to be kind to me and see me as a scared child again. I am sick, I am depressed. I wish people could take that seriously and allow me to take some time off. I want to kill my self or harm myself just something that can get me some relief of life.

I wish I had responsible adults looking out for me, a mom that was not so emotionally immature and narcissistic, a dad that was actually present and showed up and talked to me like I was HIS, I went from being his beloved daughter to a text message every now and then when either me or him is in need.

#actually mentally ill #mentalheathawareness #mentally exhausted #tired #depression #anxienty

[system-of-a-feather]

2 and 19 for the fusion thing :)

Wanted to answer one before bed since these both are good me questions.

2) Have you had any fusions that eventually split back to the (more or less) same parts?

*slowly raises hand* Honestly I'm very prone in general to temporary fusions and I dunno how much of that might be a quirk of me as a caretaker or something else, but a lot of parts - particularly EPs - tend to do this thing where I like to jokingly call them "hit and runs" where they just kinda slam into me (sometimes with and without consent) and just meld short run with me to gain some sense of stability - it used to be a really chronic issue cause they would do it a lot and rarely with permission or any heads up and over time I honestly just kinda leaned into it and now its a bit of a tool house I have for the "uwu" alters that need a softer approach cause now I often go "hey wanna sit up here with me" and we sit in this dissociated fused state which is DIFFERENT from being blurry and co-front but don't ask me to describe how cause its hard XD

But beyond that I'm usually not really great at holding fusions together. The only one I held together is me with Riku 4 (who was like a fusion of two other parts but they fused before we understood what was going on) and even that one took like 4 months to stabilize to which we'd regularly be more A or B than A and B.

Then there was the whole saga of Data Riku which is the nickname for the fusion between old!Data and myself that we tried to hold from like Nov 2022 until like March 2022. We also tried to make it work like for like two or three months before cause while everyone agreed Data would fuse better with XIV, Data was much more drawn to me and they really wanted to fuse with someone so against XIV's intuition and Ray's optimal suggestion the system just decided to try to go with it

And that time period is honestly a good bit foggy for me currently cause it was usually a relatively unstable fusion in the sense the fused state of us just kinda kept fugueing within ourselves (ie we'd sway so hard to one side of the fusion that we'd forget it when we swayed to the other, but it would still stay our single identity up and out there, again one of those things that "its different but dont ask me to explain it cause idk how I would") and its all muddy, but we ended up re-splitting basically into our original parts entirely after being a muddy fusion for 4 or 5 months. I DO think I walked out of it with a bit more ability to relax though. That Data ended up splitting again into new!Data and Chuun, but the old!Data did briefly return.

But nah, I fuse and unfuse 500x more than I fuse and hold it. That being said I would MURDER (/j) everyone in this house before I go back to being just Riku 1.0. I don't CARE whats what I was fucking MISERABLE and unaware so FUCK that.

3) Has fusion affected your relationships with people outside of your system?

Honestly not that much surprisingly? I mean maybe not because only our fiance knows us well enough individually to really have any large impact, but he's so used to the bullshittery of DID like we are so he just goes with the flow of it. If anything, its largely helped it solely because every fusion we have had has honestly made us a lot more "normal" and stable of individuals, so its allowed us to live our lives better and reduced the amount of crisis-es we had and as a result, the amount of crisis-es hes had to help us through.

Prior to my fusion with Riku 1.0 and Riku 4 AND as I mentioned, I was a MISERABLE fuck on both ends cause Riku 1.0 was chronically working on the move and chronically burning fumes and limbs to keep working and was unaware of it until they HARD crashed and Riku 4 was CHRONICALLY exhausted and burnt out and held a lot of the awareness of just how much Riku 1.0 was taxxing the whole and so like... ever since that fusion I've REALLY been able to be a lot more grounded, take care of myself, and honestly live life. Previously I used to be really unable to stay anywhere near present or enjoy shit cause I had to keep moving - I like literally couldn't cuddle my fiance for more than maybe 10 minutes at a time because I had that much of a GOTTA KEEP WORKING drive

And so since that fusion I've literally had like 2 or 3 hour cuddle sessions and honestly been so much more engaged in the world and life and a lot more down to earth, relaxed, and present and that in itself set up SO much easier life with my fiance.

Honestly currently he is going through a time himself, and honestly had I not fused here I probably wouldn't be able to handle him at the moment and this could have been really bad and a huge crisis situation.

As for XIV and his fusion, it made him less of a chronic worry and hazard since XIV 1.0 was honest to god unhinged and worried everyone both in terms of hurting himself, the system, and others and XIV's fusion made him a semi-functioning part that then became a very important part as he got used to his new state so I can't go as in depth with how XIV's fusion affected the relationship, but its very much in the same vein of "very mentally ill and dysfunctional to a lot more 'normal' stable and fictional".

#alter: riku #ask #asks #fusion asks #fusion #ask game #ask games #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #osdd #did osdd

[one-abuse-survivor]

I'm the moving out anon hahah I'm 2 days into being in my uncles house and its crazy emotionally atm😅 i mean i feel so safe and he doesnt shout?? he asks nicely if he wants me to do something and like REALLY doesnt care if i make a mess? and doesnt care if i nap?? all things that would make my parents go ballistic hahha. yesterday I made some chicken and pasta for the first time ever and i dont really know how to work a cooker/stove thing nor am i too confident around boiling water lol (mum never let me do these things) i was throwing the pasta in the pan cos i didnt wanna pour it and get the water on me and he was in there and he just..didnt care that i was missing a lot lol like at all. he knew i was gonna clean it up hahha but i didnt do too great with the food i forgot a lot of things cos the time constraints of the food was making me kinda panic a little so i think ive gotta do some extra beginner stuff 😂😂 when he comes in my room he knocks and talks at a normal volume or quieter, and its just so relaxing. when we are going out shopping or smth, he sets a time then leaves me alone then comes in my room at the time and is calm af the whole time and we set off and hes just calm??? idk i feel like its a whole shock to my system atm hahaha im waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly even though i trust him enough to never be like that (like ever its not his thing to be explosive lol) will i get used to this in time? im sleepy a lot too like just exhausted hahah its crazy but these are 'normal' reactions, right?

Hi, nonnie! Sorry for the late reply. I'm so glad you were able to move in with someone who is so calm and who can provide you such a safe and normal space to live in!

This shock you're describing is really common when you've been abused, and when you have PTSD in general. It's like your body just cannot compute with the feeling of safety, and has to constantly anticipate the moment when the other person will finally snap, because that anticipation is the only thing that has kept you safe till now.

It does get better, though, and I hope it has for you since you sent this ask! Time, as well as more and more moments when the right people show you that they're not going to explode no matter what, will eventually, slowly teach your body that it doesn't need to be hypervigilant to be safe. Therapy can help, too, and just being aware of what you're going through and being patient with yourself can make a huge difference.

I've personally found that I have to repeat this process almost every time a new authority figure appears in my life. This can be really frustrating, and scary, because the feeling of fear and hypervigilance you thought you had overcome suddenly comes rushing back. But it does get easier over time, and there will come a day when you'll naturally expect people to be kind and respectful, and when the opposite—aggression and disrespect—will feel shocking and unexpected.

Hope you're doing well! Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

#ask #moving out anon #abuse #abuse tw #abusive parents #ptsd #trauma tw #Ptsd tw