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#ptsd
The anxiety slowly drains out of Hux as they simply hold each other, and Hux finds that it is much easier to let go of what plagues him when allowing himself to be consumed with feelings for someone else. He wants to absorb everything from Ben that’s ever caused him pain, rid him of it, but he has a feeling that he’s just scratched the surface.
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To everyone scared to remember their trauma:

I’m sorry that you have to remember such scary things, I hope with my everything that you can remember everything so that you can move on and live a better life. Stay safe.

To everyone dealing with their trauma:

I really hope that you can deal with it and try to move past it, I know it’s difficult, but it’s also necessary. Please stay safe. I’m hopeful that things will get better for you.

To everyone with trauma:

I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through and that you have to live with it- but you are not your trauma, you are an amazing person who has survived. You are a human being that can change and a human that can live happily again. I wish you the best, because you deserve the best in life. Stay safe please.

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TW


So today I was officially diagnosed with binge eating disorder. I have been panicking for weeks about the possible diagnosis and how it would effect me. I have had some amazing support from my younger brother though (I didn’t know they were capable??) the eldest of the two is going to buy me the $650 Harry Pooter Hogwarts Castle if my recovery goes well.

I did learn though that mine is starting to branch into severe (it has been 5 years so I kind of expected that?) so basically my plan is in 3 months if I am still going down the same path with no changes I will be medicated, and then in 6 months if I haven’t changed or if little change has happened I will be hospitalised. This is very scary for me but I have an amazing support system in my family, friends, GP, Psych and Dietician who I know can help me through this journey.

If you are suffering with any mental illness seek help, I know it can be scary but one conversation can lead to a recovery that will change your life!

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Nobody tells you that healing isn’t the end of the journey.

They don’t tell you that once those scars have healed, they will still itch.

They never mention, that even though it’s not there anymore, you will never forget the feeling of that pain.

they never consider that even though the knife no longer shows, bright and shiny on the surface, it still somehow causes damage deep down.

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I need to get over myself and accept that I was badly physically abused as a child, which included being suffocated and pinned down by authority figures. This gave me ptsd and bodily flashbacks, which are triggered by others being strangled. And pinned down. By authority figures.

Maybe that way I’ll be able to do something for BLM that isn’t having paralyzing panic attacks about something that doesn’t target me.

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Im so fucking weak. Im a stupid fucking pathetic peice of shit. I was isolating myself just fine, my friends had almost completely stopped sending me messages, and i just had to break and ruin it over one fucking thing. Im so goddamned needy. They shouldn’t have responded they should have just ignored me and blocked me and never looked back. I picked off all my scabs so they’re bleeding again because i lost my knife again like a fucking idiot and i want to bleed. I want to fucking die.

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