TW: rant, mentions of depression + self-harm + suicide
I’ve always thought my mom was a narcissist, but the conversation/argument we had just proved it lmao.
She was in the middle of giving me her weekly speech about how I should lose weight to be “healthy” (in quotation marks because there’s more than one way to be healthy). So I cut her off and said, “Your comments on my physical health mean nothing until you care about my mental health first.” I then mentioned being depressed (she’s known this), trying to kill myself, etc. I didn’t think about what I’d said because I was emotional, so I left.
Then, she comes upstairs, and the conversation quickly turns into “I didn’t know you were depressed, blah blah blah, when did you try to kill yourself?”
So, being honest, I explained I should’ve said “want” instead of “tried” and that instead, I’ve only self-harmed.
And it’s just so sad, but I saw the moment my mom latched onto that piece of information and ran with it because she didn’t want to feel guilty. She spun the whole conversation around and tried to make me feel like shit. She didn’t care that I’d admitted to having razors in my desk a few months ago or that I’d self-harmed. She only cared about herself.
Love you too.
If a child is so afraid of getting in trouble that they don't come to their parents when they make a mistake that could possibly put their health or even their life in danger, then those parents have failed.
If something goes wrong, and the first thing that child thinks is, "oh god, my parents are gonna kill me," then the parents have failed.
If a child is afraid of their parents, if the child sees their parents as an active threat instead of a source of safety and guidance, then the parents have failed.
A parents job is to protect, to teach, to guide.
If a parent makes themself a danger to the child, in any capacity, then that parent has failed.
Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist
Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
You had the right for basic resources
Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
My house = my rules is blackmail
Children don't owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered
You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
Why do parents actually hit, manipulate and traumatize children
Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
You got too affected by it’ is a lie
Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
You are not abusive for resisting abuse
When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you
Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t
Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
References to how healthy parenting looks like
Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
If parents want you to act way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad' is a shame tactic to control you
There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture
If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist
Free Trauma and Dissociation Books
This is the link to Google Drive folder containing these books. There is a list below of what is in the folder. Please consider reblogging so these resources are available.
Disclaimer: I have not read all of these to completion. I have not researched all the authors. Please do your own research if you have concerns.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
Complex PTSD Recovery Workbook by Kimberly Callis
Complex PTSD Workbook by Arielle Schwartz
Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation by Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart
EMDR Toolbox: Theory and Treatment of Complex PTSD and Dissociation by James Knipe
Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to Do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life by Patricia Love, Jo Robinson
Got Parts? An Insider’s Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder by ATW
The Haunted Self by Onno Hart
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self Alienation by Janina Fisher
In an Unspoken Voice How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A. Levine
Life After Trauma: A Workbook for Healing by Dena Rosenbloom, Mary Beth Williams, Barbara E. Watkins
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook: A Guide to Healing, Recovery, and Growth by Glenn R. Schiraldi
The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms by Mary Beth Williams, Soili Poijula
Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders by James A. Chu
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb, Christine Musello
Stoning Demons Book 1: Childhood Trauma is a Primer for Complex PTSD by Kimberly Callis
Stoning Demons Book 3: Physical Health and Complex PTSD by Kimberly Callis
The Stranger in the Mirror by Marlene Steinberg
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, Craig Buck
Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman
Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy by Pat Ogden
Waking the Tiger Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine
It's important to remember that, no matter what you were told growing up or whatever someone might be trying to convince you now, fighting is not a normal part of any relationship.
Differences in opinions are normal. Bad days are normal. Moments where you're irritated and tired and want space are normal. Having to sit down and talk something out is normal.
Shouting matches, insults, threats, arguments that last for hours, passive agression, purposely trying to hurt one another, these things are NOT normal or healthy.
This goes for every relationship. Family, romance, friends, peers, there is no kind of relationship where trying to tear the other person apart is okay.
Abusers will swear to you that it's impossible to have a relationship without blowing up at each other on the regular.
They are wrong.