#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[kyluxtrashpit]

Hello naughty children, it’s 1 am rant time

So! My brain is slightly more together now than after the trailer first dropped and I’ve had some time to process all my Feels. I’ve settled on cautiously hopeful, with a hint of apprehension and a strong dose of ‘oh my god, this is really the end’. But overall, I think I feel pretty good about it, though it really raises more questions than answers. They meant it when they said ‘teaser’ lmao

(Rant is mostly positive, includes explicit discussion of what we’ve learned from the panel and the trailer. Some reservations and negative thoughts, plus a lot of speculation and touching on such controversial subjects as Reysky, Kylo redemption, and Hux in TLJ. Cut for length because I have no idea how to just use fewer words lmao)

I especially liked that it was so focused on Rey and that it’s a very clear torch-passing. Which, tbh, probably should’ve happened before now and did a little bit, but this really felt like the true moment of it. She’s the hero. She’s going to be a legend. I love that. Also that flip? Holy fuck. Slammed in the face by the reminder of how gay I am lmao. I have some Thoughts about it I’ll get into below, but from a visual point of view, it’s RAD AS HELL. I also love Finn and Poe featuring heavily and that the trio really does seem to be together for most of the movie. Which is nice. I think we need that. JJ said something in the panel about it being an ‘adventure’ and I think that feeling was captured well in the trailer. That part really excites me

Also! My boy! Kylo’s looking like a right hot mess and tbh I’m here for it lmao. I still have a strong urge to bathe him and kinda hope he doesn’t look like a depressed wreck of a human being for the entire movie, but still. I love my big messy boy. Also him just yeeting that dude into the ground? DAMN. I sometimes forget that Kylo is like… b i g. It’s a nice reminder. I also LOVE that the broken helmet rumour was real. That’s my fucking boy. I frequently tag him as ‘my precious disaster boy’ for a reason and I’m glad to see more of that. I would honestly probably lose interest in Kylo completely if he was ever like, calm and composed and not a complete fucking mess lmao. I kind of wish we’d seen just a touch more of him, but I know there’s more info to come and I still like that it focused heavily on the heroes for the first one. I imagine we’ll see more of him later

I’m… not really sure what to think of the Palpatine reveal. If he’s going to show up as a cameo of some sort, say as a Force ghost or something, then that’s pretty dang cool. If he’s going to show up as a ‘hello naughty children, it’s Force lightning time’ and take over as the main threat, I���d admittedly be disappointed. As much as I think a Kylo redemption is likely (and whether people like that or not, I’m indifferent and have made my peace with it as long as it’s done in an okay way) in no small part because Disney likes money, I still feel like replacing him with Palpatine is just… it feels derivative. We’ve had Palpatine before. A lot. 6 movies of him plus his appearances in the side materials. Do we really need more?

Now, there’s been heavy suggestion that there is some unknown threat that comes into this one and if that’s Palpatine, it would match up with the rumours. But I’d much rather it be something from his legacy with him only having a cameo. Because the really terrifying part about Palpatine is he had a plan for the continued survival of the Empire even in the case of his death. The Aftermath novels are really well done that way and tbh, especially with Chuck Wendig’s hinting on twitter, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see something from there come up. I mean, technically the entire First Order is Palpatine’s legacy. Something from his legacy could truly be anything and I like that possibility a lot more than just ‘oh damn, time to kill this asshole again’. Idk. We’ll have to see how that plays out

The title is also curious because it really confirms one of 2 possibilities: either Reysky, Kylo redemption, or both. Which, again, both of those are huge spoilers, so it’s an interesting choice to play for a title. That said, we don’t know which, so it doesn’t tell us definitively, I suppose, but still. And no, I don’t buy the theories about it referring to Luke or Anakin somehow returning; that would be stupid. We have new characters for a reason and they need to be the central focus. This is the same reason I’m not fond of Palpatine being the big bad; let the new villains shine. I also don’t believe it’s Leia because I doubt they had enough left over footage of Carrie to make that work

Of course, I would’ve enjoyed having a nice 0.2 seconds of the back of Hux’s head lmao, or even any info on the dark side characters at all because I’m a filthy villain fucker, but I’m not super upset about it. I’m kinda sad that Phasma is confirmed as dead, but I also expected that. My biggest hope for Hux is really that he gets to be scary and not treated as a joke, so I hope JJ really leans in to that. Let him have his moment. Let him be a credible threat because, really, he is. Tbh, I’d be more afraid of him as my nemesis than the vast majority of Star Wars villains. He’s got a higher kill count than anyone in all of Star Wars except maybe Palpatine himself (exact number of deaths due to the Clone Wars, the Empire’s rule, and the rebellion combined are unknown, but are probably in the billions, which would put him and Hux, terrifyingly, on the same level). It still throws me for a loop how often that’s forgotten, both by fandom and, sometimes, the official material. Hux is what happens when ambition, intelligence, ruthlessness, and fervent belief in a cause converge. I know he’s going to fail and he’s going to die in this one but, fuck, please let him die as the Starkiller instead of a ‘miscast tinkerer’. He deserves that much and, more importantly, so do I lmao. And Domhnall does too, tbh, because he’s a great actor who deserves better than being sidelined completely

(Another reason not to like Palpatine coming back: basically guarantees Hux has no role and gets completely forgotten because there’s a new big bad in town. I might actually cry if that happens)

I also know we will get more on the villains later, so we’ll just have to see how that pans out. As for other new stuff, Naomi Ackie’s character looks rad as fuck and I love her already. I’m also ECSTATIC to see Lando back. I fucking love Lando. And he finally got the Falcon back! Tbh I hope his role is rather significant and it’s kinda in line with Han’s role in TFA. I’m excited by that possibility. Also the Leia scenes… fuck. That hug with Rey fucked me up hard. I can’t believe we’re doing this without Carrie and it breaks my heart tbh

Another curious note: so we see a tie fighter that looks like a modified Silencer flying at Rey. We also see Kylo in a cockpit that definitely does not match the Silencer’s from TLJ. So it’s possible that was not actually Kylo flying at her, which raises some interesting questions. I saw some people saying they could see Poe’s jacket in the window but I think they’re full of shit and just seeing something they want to lmao. It remains to be seen who is actually flying it. The context of that scene is also odd: in what fucking universe does it make sense to use a SPACE craft with GUNS capable of atmospheric flight to run someone ON FOOT over from like 3 feet off the ground? It doesn’t. That’s stupid. That does make me think it’s possible it’s some sort of really risky training exercise, no matter who is behind the controls. I suppose it is possible that perhaps the guns were disabled somehow and the pilot is just going for broke, but the ship looks undamaged and that strategy still doesn’t make a lot of sense. The correct thing to do would be to come from above and crash it into the person while ejecting moments before impact, not chasing them like you’re driving a car. It’s dumb. I really hope that’s not real combat because it makes no damn sense to me lmao. Another reason lending to the training exercise idea: if I were Rey, I would’ve gone below, not above. She’s small. A tie fighter hovers. She would’ve fit under it easily and been able to slash from below without having to jump into the damn sky. Though, counterpoint: she has her lightsaber ignited and is turning to slash at the cockpit. Not really a nice thing to do to an ally of yours helping you train, hm? Idk. The scene looks cool as fuck, but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me tbh lmao

As a last thing… it’s really hitting me that this is it. This is the end of the Skywalker saga. Even though I know they have other stories planned with new characters at some point, imo, this is really the end of the true part of the franchise. How much am I really going to care about Star Wars without the familiar faces? After decades… this is really it. That’s… very bittersweet. I have loved these movies, always, but especially so in recent years (as evidenced by the existence of this blog lmao) and they’ve been a big part of my life. Yet here we are. And I just… I’m feeling melancholy about that in and of itself, but I also really, really want this to be a satisfying ending. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but I want it to fit. I want it to feel right. I want closure and I want this ending to do justice to these characters, including the main ones, the side ones, and the ones who came before but aren’t featured in this trilogy. That’s really what I’m aching for here. And I am cautiously hopeful, but I am also nervous. This is a very tall order and, while JJ is probably the person best qualified to give that to us, it doesn’t change how much of a challenge that is. It’s a lot. And… I am definitely sad about this being the end. Even if I love the movie and it’s amazing and lives up to all of my dreams, it will still end and this will be it. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to feel when that actually comes and it kinda scares me a little. But a satisfying ending would help soften the blow, so we shall see. Idk. I’m sad and a little scared just because of that, all other reservations aside

I think that’s all I’ve got for now? I’m excited for more and I don’t know if we’ll get much over the rest of celebration, but there might be snippets. I’d still like to see the Knights of Ren too, given that we’re pretty sure they’re in the movie but like… where? Lmao I want to know. Anyway. This is mostly word vomit, so don’t take it too seriously. My predictions could be way off base and we won’t know for a while so yeah. If you read this far, congrats and thanks for reading my rambling!

#so like I guess overall I'm hopeful but I still have reservations #and no matter what this being really truly over is... a lot to take tbh #so idk. mixed feelings I guess #but there was definitely some good stuff and I feel more excited about star wars than I have in a long time #even if it's not at the same level as it has been #positive is still positive so we shall see #I still want more info lmao #like just someone leak the entire plot already please I want to read it XD #shut up nerd #text #meta