#and like I didn’t realize I was autistic until like late 2021. I didn’t even realize SPN was my special interest until then either

[soullessjack]

every day I remember that this fandom simply does not care about autistic people and, much like every other fucking thing I experience as an autistic person, the concept of it being a collective found family becomes increasingly alien to me. love this place.

#we really just can’t win I fucking hate it here #like this is my special interest. this is my community. I’ve met so many people through it that ended up becoming lifelong friends #I’ve been here for almost ten years and it’s meant everything to me for ten years. it’s kept me going through so much shit. #it’s more than just a show and more than just a fandom and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever been apart of #and like I didn’t realize I was autistic until like late 2021. I didn’t even realize SPN was my special interest until then either #I didn’t realize JACK was my special interest. but knowing that he is autistic means so much to me #and its meant so much to other autistic ppl in the fandom. somebody at MomentoCon even mentioned it to Alex last weekend for fucks sake . #it’s real and it’s special and it’s important to us but #but no we can’t have that. make him a fucking baby. toss every interesting thing about his character into a fucking volcano #and relegate him to being a fucking prop for everybody else. #I don’t know how else to tell you this but you are literally infantilizing an autistic person. you are being ableist. intentionally or not. #and the way you all seem to just. idk. double down on your own ableism? or excuse it? #or literally ignore autistic ppl who try to point out how ableist and weird your behavior towards an autistic character is? #it’s a lot of things. it’s so many terrible things and terrible feelings. but above all it’s disheartening. #it hurts to know that even in this space where everyone is family and everyone belongs. I’m still on the outside looking in. #I’m still not /really/ a part of everything else. it’s a horrible feeling and I don’t wish anyone to ever go through with it #but maybe you fucking should. maybe then you’d realize what you’re doing. or maybe you won’t. maybe I’m screaming into the void again. #which I literally always am w this topic anyways. nothing but screaming into a vast empty void that’s supposed to be my big special family #but whatever I guess. #spn #supernatural #spn fandom #spn family #spn famdom #jack kline #autistic jack kline #tfw2.0 #destiel #sam and dean #castiel

[maximuswolf]

Finding out I have ADHD 15 years after the DIAGNOSIS via /r/ADHD

Finding out I have ADHD 15 years after the DIAGNOSIS

I (F/22) know it may be redundant to even say this, but the pandemic was really hard on me. I had my first ever anxiety attack over a TikTok (it was a girl with autism that was talking about how women with autism usually get diagnosed less since the mask better and explaining what masking is) that got my thoughts racing. Going through my head were realizations that I felt like I had been masking my entire life and asking myself if I was autistic. I couldn't feel my face or my hands and had to sit on the floor because feeling the couch was too much (weird I know but that's exactly how it felt), while hyperventilating and stress crying my husband woke up from a nap he was taking and calmed me down with breathing exercises until I slowly got back to reality. The disorientation and speed of my thoughts was just so overwhelming and the leftover headache was horrific too.

My entire life I had never been treated for ADHD and slowly now as an adult, I've been realizing that everything my parents gave me shit about (inattentiveness, messiness, forgetfulness) are symptoms and go hand in hand with ADHD. I feel like I've developed serious self-esteem issues as a result and honestly, I find it quite cruel how especially my father would talk to me and about me. for a while now and have lived most of my child and teen life pretending to like things I don't like or pretending to be like people I didn't even like since I saw that their behaviors were considered normal or popular.

My entire life I had never been treated for ADHD and slowly now as an adult, I've been realizing that everything my parents gave me shit about (inattentiveness, messiness, forgetfulness) are symptoms and go hand in hand with ADHD. I feel like I've developed serious self-esteem issues as a result and honestly I find it quite cruel how especially my father would talk to me and about me.

My entire life I had never been treated for ADHD and slowly now as an adult, I've been realizing that everything my parents gave me shit about (inattentiveness, messiness, forgetfulness) are symptoms and go hand in hand with ADHD. I feel like I've developed serious self-esteem issues as a result and honestly, I find it quite cruel how especially my father would talk to me and about me for a while now and have lived most of my child and teen life pretending to like things I don't like or pretending to be like people I didn't even like since I saw that their behaviors were considered normal or popular.

I'm not sure what my point is in all of this, but I would love to hear any support or tips you guys have for dealing with ADHD or any stories about late ADHD discoveries. I haven't gone to a therapist yet but I'm definitely planning to make an appointment soon since I really would like some tips or medicine for the anxiety attacks, since I had the first one I had two more after and only in one of those I could identify the trigger (sexual abuse history).

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I know it may be redundant to even say this, but the pandemic was really hard on me. I had my first ever anxiety attack over a TikTok (it was a girl with autism that was talking about how women with autism usually get diagnosed less since the mask better and explaining what masking is) that got my thoughts racing. Going through my head were realizations that I felt like I had been masking my entire life and asking myself if I was autistic. I couldn't feel my face or my hands and had to sit on the floor because feeling the couch was too much (weird I know but that's exactly how it felt), while hyperventilating and stress crying my husband woke up from a nap he was taking and calmed me down with breathing exercises until I slowly got back to reality. The disorientation and speed of my thoughts was just so overwhelming and the leftover headache was horrific too.

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Submitted January 22, 2021 at 12:21AM by beccacortesi via reddit https://ift.tt/2Y1mh4O