#and one thing about Baatar is that he will bite the hand that feeds him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chaoticallysapphic · 3 years

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the great trial part six

summary: This was meant to be the easy part. The part filled with brightness and love. The war was over and you had the love of your life all to yourself. No more Baatar, no more secrecy and no more lies. But with the calm comes the realization as all the adrenaline finally leaves you. Now you know, this is the hard part.

a/n: you can really tell I needed to be held while writing this. Thank you @medeliadracon for being the best editor/beta reader ever

word count: 7.9k

3. Tell your partner why you love them.

Spring is near its end, the days have grown hotter as the sun beats down on the metal city. And with the end of spring comes a special day, your birthday. In the last few years, it was nothing big, Kuvira would usually promise you something great one day like an elegant necklace or first edition books. Those three birthdays spent with her felt strange and hollow. You knew each time she got so caught up in it all that she forgot. Two days before your last birthday you even heard Bolin remind her.

And whilst she's no longer constantly busy with the task of uniting the Empire, you didn’t think she’d remember. You also didn’t expect the guests that arrived later that fateful day.

When you wake up, feeling slightly excited about the day, you wake to an empty bed. At first, that familiar feeling of panic (smaller than any of the others before) tightens around your chest until your gaze drifts to the open door. The morning light shines through the sheer curtains you had installed in the living room and casts Kuvira in an angelic glow.

Her dark hair has been braided, the style reminds you of the day you met. She’s sporting a pair of shorts and a large sleep shirt of yours (it used to be your dad's) along with a pair of the knitted socks you got for Winter Solstice. You bite your lip at the sight as your heart slowly begins to beat at its normal pace again.

Slowly sitting up you stay in bed with the blankets covering your lower half as you grab her pillow and hug it. Your chin rests on top of it as you watch your lover make you breakfast. Even if she doesn’t remember, this is already better than your last three birthdays.

You don’t know how long you sit there and dreamily watch her but you do know that when she finally catches your gaze, most of whatever she’s prepared has been set on a tray. “You're meant to be asleep,” she says in defeat.

You bite your lip as your smile widens at her words. She grabs the glass of mango juice she was in the middle of filling when she finally felt your eyes drilling holes into her backside and places it on the tray with everything else.

Kuvira grabs the metal tray by the handles and carefully walks over to your bed. You place her pillow down and scoot over until your back hits the headboard. You help her set the tray down, not wanting to stain the sheets if anything were to spill. Spirits, you want to cry, not because of anything bad, but simply because you can tell how much effort and time was put into the meal at hand.

There’s a stack of apple pancakes with a cinnamon mixture drizzled on top, the pad of butter is half melted and you notice the little pitcher of syrup set beside it. There’s a small bowl of chopped fruit along with a few pieces of perfectly cooked crispy bacon. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Gulping you look into her eyes and say “you surprised me.” Slowly, afraid of knocking over the tray you pull her close so you can softly kiss her. Your hand is on her shoulder as hers are holding her up on either side of your legs. She’s leaning over the tray as she kisses you back with such gentleness that it makes your heart clench at the love you're currently feeling.

Kuvira reluctantly pulls away, ever since that night a month ago that ended with you sobbing she’s tried to keep either of you from getting carried away. She wants you so bad, but it’s not time, and she won’t risk the delicate balance that the two of you have recently found.

“Happy birthday.” Tears well up at her words as you let out a wet chuckle. Every little problem has momentarily vanished in this sweet moment. She reaches her hand up to gently wipe at the tears, if not for your smile she’d be worried that you were upset.

“Thank you….” You look down at the meal before you as you pick up the fork laid out on a napkin. “This looks amazing, Kuvira.”

You eat in peaceful silence and Kuvira moves around so she’s sitting beside you and has her chin resting on your shoulder with her arms wrapped around you, your back pressed against her chest. The pancakes are heavenly and you thank whatever force compelled Kuvira to start cooking because this is the best thing you’ve ever eaten.

“Do you want a bite?” You cut a piece off for her and lift your fork. She shakes her head.

“It’s for you.”

“But have you eaten anything yet?”

“No, but I’ll eat something after.” You raise your fork to her lips anyways, and she sighs before opening her mouth. It’s weird feeding her but you kind of like it, once she bites the piece off you lower the fork you watch her reaction. You smirk when she groans at the taste and before you know it she’s reaching for your fork again. “Hey wait!”

“That’s amazing and I made it, so I deserve more!”

“It’s my birthday breakfast!” You're both grinning from ear to ear as she tries to take the fork from you. There’s a dip in the bed as you both continue to struggle over it, she’s beginning to win and there’s this smug look on her features.

Suddenly her eyes widen as she looks behind you but before either of you can stop whatever it is she sees the sound of Lily gobbling said pancakes up fills the room. Turning slightly so you’re no longer facing Kuvira you see that the plate has been licked clean as Lily stares at you both, her tail viciously wagging back and forth.

“Well it looks like neither of us is gonna eat them,” you say, it’s still for a moment before you laugh and Kuvira joins you. Perhaps some other day you would have scolded her but right now you're too happy to care.

You split the bowl of fruit and bacon between the two of you and make Lily lay on the ground to keep her from stealing anything else. Her long snout is raised in the air as she sniffs the bacon that you feed Kuvira.

“What do you want to do today?” She leans back a bit and loosens her hold around your waist. You bite your lip as you try to think something up, growing up your parents would make a picnic and take you across the street to your favorite place on earth where you’d eat amongst the flowers and spend the day basking in the sun.

Unfortunately with your house arrest that isn’t possible. Someday you’d like to spend it that way again but with Kuvira there as well and Lily napping in the sun beside you all. But today, after everything, you just want it to be as peaceful and relaxing as it possibly can.

“I just wanna listen to the radio and cuddle you.” Kuvira warms at your words, that’s a plan she can get behind. So you both force yourselves out of bed and place the tray in the kitchen. You turn the radio on as Kuvira lays down on the couch, turning the dial so the volume is lowered a few notches you climb onto the couch and lay between her legs. Resting your head on her chest, you sigh happily when her arms wrap around you.

The afternoon is peaceful and sometimes one of you breaks the silence to say something in hushed voices. The windows and garden door are open, which allows a cool breeze to flow through the room and graze your skin. You're just about to fall asleep when someone repeatedly knocks on your door.

“The fuck?” Kuvira groans out. She had fallen asleep some time ago and is being rudely awoken to the knocking. Your parents aren’t meant to come over until dinner time like Kuvira and your father planned, and from what she can tell it’s only midday.

Reluctantly you extract yourself from Kuvira’s hold and head over to the front door, by now the knocking has thankfully stopped. Sleepily rubbing your eye with one hand and you open the door with the other. Once the person on the other side catches who is greeting him he pulls you into a hug so tight it causes you to wheeze.

“Happy birthday!” Bolin lets go of you, causing you to stumble back two steps. Kuvira’s eyes widen as she sits up and watches him place his hands on your shoulders with a grin. “You’re one year older!”

“You… Remembered?” Your brows are raised in surprise as you notice the large gift bag behind him on the floor. Meanwhile, Kuvira is debating going to hide away in your room, not because she’s scared of Bolin but because this is your day and last time they spoke he didn’t hold back his hatred for her.

“Of course, how could I forget one of my best friends' birthdays?” You step aside to let him in, so he grabs the bag and makes himself at home by placing it on your coffee table. Kuvira stands so she can swiftly excuse herself but stops when Bolin sends a forced smile her way. “I thought I’d come to visit Zaofu and see you, plus I missed Opal.”

“How is she?” You’re not a massive fan of Opal ever since Kuvira told you about how she acted during her brief time away, but you know she means the world to Bolin just as Kuvira does to you. You walk over to Kuvira as you notice her eyeing the bedroom door and snuggle into her side, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Bolin seems surprised at the open display, to be fair he found out about the two of you right before he escaped and has never witnessed the two of you share so much as a hug. “She’s doing pretty good, she’s really happy to have her family all back together again.”

You know that’s a slight dig at Kuvira but try to ignore it, at some point you’ll pull him aside and ask him to ease up on her, for you. “Are you… Do you wanna stay for lunch?”

To be honest the both of you probably would have slept through lunch but with the arrival of Bolin you may as well eat, three bites of pancakes with some bacon and fruit doesn’t last as long as one would think.

“Totally! We have so much catching up to do anyway.” You help Kuvira heat up some of last night's dinner along with sprucing it up with spices and some homemade bread that she made the other day. Bolin sits at the table and watches the two of you move throughout the kitchen peacefully.

You both are so used to this that by now you know when to hand the other a utensil or keep from bumping into each other while moving around. He never thought he’d see the great uniter in a kitchen, especially in pajamas no less. Kuvira’s hair is a bit of a mess from the nap and is half out of her braid, not that she notices and you're wearing her white tank top with light blue pajama shorts. Both of you are sporting socks and are the picture of domesticity.

He notices how healthy you look. Those years on the train were slowly killing you, your lack of appetite and resigned demeanor had made you gradually disappear, it seems like he watched your soul float out of your body sometime after the engagement.

But now you’ve gained back the weight you lost, your cheeks are full again, hair shiny and you’re… Smiling. He’s seen you smile a lot, but he realizes now they must have all been fake because this one is so obviously genuine and nothing like the others. When Kuvira passes by you, a hand grazing your back to let you know of her presence you peek at her with a look so full of love. He wonders if Kuvira knows just how much you love her. It must be a lot by the way you seem so relaxed beside her.

Lily trots in from the garden where she was most likely barking at anyone passing by and immediately decides that she must sniff this new person. She shoves her cold snout against his arm and Bolin jumps in shock, a yelp escaping him.

Both of you look up at the sound and when you see Lily inspecting Bolin you snort. “That’s Lily,” you begin to plate the now warm kebabs while Kuvira scoops the Papaya salad into three bowls. “She likes if you rub the backs of her ears.”

“You got a dog?” Bolin eyes the two of you, more so Kuvira than you. Kuvira has a dog? He must be having some kind of fever dream because nothing seems correct right now.

“Yes…” That’s the first thing Kuvira has said to Bolin since he stepped through that door. To be fair her heart is pounding as she waits to see his response. You mean too much to her to mess up right now. She can’t ruin another one of your birthdays by starting a fight with your best friend.

“Well, that’s cool! Y’know I might need to use Lily as an excuse to get one myself, but maybe a smaller one because I’m not home a lot and I could carry a small one around. I don’t think I told you but I work for Zhu Li now.” You bring the plates over to the table and help Kuvira with the bowls.

The last of Bolin’s words perplexes you. For the most part, you’ve been sheltered from the outside world and its news since the hospital. The last you heard about Zhu Li was her marriage to Varrick.

She sent you a letter letting you know and saying she wished you could have made it, but she understood that you couldn’t. “What do you mean? She isn’t Varrick's assistant anymore?”

“Oh wow you’ve really-” Bolin takes a bite of his kebab and his eyes widen at the explosion of flavor in that one bite of meat, “been left out of the loop huh? Also, this is really good.”

“Thanks,” Kuvira says softly. Another shocker for poor Bolin, she made this? What other weird things has she been getting up to ever since she tried to enslave them?

“Well,” Bolin brushes off Kuvira’s words, and you sigh to yourself. “Zhu Li ran for president of Republic City and won.”

“What?!” Your eyes widen, you drop your fork back into your bowl and stare at Bolin. “Really?”

“Yeah, and she’s ten times better than Raiko. I’m… Well, I guess I’m her assistant now, so I don’t really have much time for myself anymore, but it’s a fulfilling job.”

You reach under the table and search for Kuvira’s hand. Your fingers brush against hers before wrapping them around hers and softly squeezing. You know she must be uncomfortable right and you’re so grateful. This can’t be easy for her.

“How did you manage to sneak away to Zaofu then?”

“Oh she gave me the time off when she heard it was your birthday, even gave me a gift to give to you from her and Varrick.” Oh wow, if it’s from the both of them it will probably be something fancy, but knowing Zhu Li it won’t be too over the top whereas if Varrick was in control of it you’d probably have something that could be seen from a mile away.

“I hope I can see her again sometime, Varrick too.”

“I’m sure if you ask she’ll find some time off. You mean a lot to her after everything.” After helping her escape, is what he doesn’t say but it’s what everyone knows. Escape from Kuvira.

“So what are they like as a couple? It shocked me when I got that letter.” And so Bolin goes on one of his tangents about everything regarding the couple.

Apparently, they both knew about their soulmate bond from day one but Varrick had assumed it’d be one of those rare cases where the love they felt was platonic instead of romantic. But he was just shoving his feelings for her aside, and she had assumed it was platonic as well seeing as he was her boss.

Little did either know how wrong they were and spent all of those years together slowly, inch by inch, falling in love with one another. It’s actually kind of romantic, they were if anything, friends before lovers. Sometimes you wonder if that's how it should be.

After everything you feel like just jumping into a relationship with someone you don’t know because of words on your skin seems a bit hasty and rushed. To become friends first, to slowly get to know another allows them to learn if they are right for each other.

Just because the universe has chosen you as soulmates doesn’t mean you have to date them, many people, those who don’t feel romantic attraction towards others, form deep friendships with their soulmate. And others leave their soulmate because, even though their bond is deeper, the other may still be bad for them. You wonder if you would have left Kuvira if you weren’t so stubborn.

You understand that at times the universe doesn’t choose correctly but you think it did for you. Perhaps at first, she wasn’t good for you but the woman she’s grown into these last few months (almost a year) is thoughtful, caring, and handles you with the utmost gentleness as if you're porcelain. It’s a transformation unlike any other. After that first kiss, it was almost always rough and fast, you had gone further into the physical aspects of your relationship far before you even knew the basics about each other. She was all-consuming in a way that slowly sucked the life out of you but now she’s slowly filling you back up and replacing the cracked pieces of your heart. Pieces she broke.

“I’m so happy for them, I know Zhu Li seemed worried about Varrick’s reaction to her return,” you reply after he’s done regaling you of everything regarding the couple. It makes sense now that you think about it.

You think back to the day you helped her escape as you handed her the battle plans for Republic City and how you asked her if you thought a soulmate could forgive the other over a great betrayal.

“Do you think, what with the deeper bond and all, someone can forgive their soulmate if they betray them?”

“I hope so.”

Whilst you were panicking over Kuvira, she was probably panicking over Varrick. Then you think about now, about the therapy sessions and the months of not talking, of not touching. The fighting and tears. There wasn’t much for Kuvira to forgive but there was so much for you to forgive. How do you answer your own question when you still aren’t so sure?

“Oh, the trip back to Republic City whipped him into shape, it made him realize how much he loved her.” By now you’ve all finished your food and Kuvira gets up to collect all the plates. When she passes by you gently grab her wrist to slowly pull her down and leave a quick peck on her cheek.

She can’t help the slight flush that dusts her cheeks as she stands back up after the kiss and heads to the sink. You just want to try and let her know how much you appreciate her right now, how you see the work she’s putting in.

Bolin gets up at the display and heads over to the coffee table where he left the big, dark blue bag. He brings it over to you and sets it down on the table with an excited grin.

“Okay, so this-” he pulls out a perfectly wrapped medium-sized box, “is from Zhu Li. I thought you could open it first and then open mine.”

He's like an over-excited toddler as he sits down beside you. Kuvira watches from the kitchen as you tear into the wrapping paper, it falls to the floor in small heaps that she knows Lily will try to chew.

You rip off the last piece of paper to find a black box staring back at you, sliding it onto the table you gently pull the lid off. The first thing that catches your eye is a thin metal bookmark that resembles a flower with its stem. There're words engraved onto the side that read ‘Bravery is often found in the quiet ones’.

You think back on last year, it was a terrifying time but the two of you, the quiet ones, were braver than anyone could imagine when it came down to it. That night helping her escape made you feel like a hero in a novel, well up until the adrenaline wore off on the ride back to Zaofu.

Together you took out a general and six guards. She destroyed the mecha suits and you destroyed the weapons. At the moment you didn’t think of yourself as brave or courageous. You were simply trying to right the wrongs of your past, trying to finally be the person you hoped to be.

Biting your lip to keep from crying you lift the bookmark to show Kuvira “now you can stop yelling at me about our books.”

“You practically mutilate them with that awful dog-earring,” she retorts. She can see the glisten in your eyes, but she’s too far away to see the words engraved. Kuvira doesn’t comment on it as you blink a few times to wash them away before carefully setting the bookmark onto the table.

Pulling your gaze away from the bookmark you look towards the box to see what else is inside. There’s something wrapped up in silver tissue paper so you swiftly pull it off and are met with a sight that has you giggling. In your hands is a book titled ‘Communication for Dummies’. There’s a card that slips out of it, it’s small and white, and when you open it up you're met with Zhu Li’s neat handwriting.

The bookmark is to help remind you of your success,

The book is to hopefully help you find peace.

I miss you and hope you’re having a very happy birthday.

Thank you for everything,

Zhu Li Moon.

You gently place the card on top of the book and put all three items back into the small black box before placing the lid back on. By now Kuvira has walked over to help you pick up the wrapping paper, which you pull yourself away from the box to do. When you hand her the fist full of paper in your hand, Bolin slides the bag your way.

“I can’t wait to see your reaction,” he places his chin in his hands as he leans forward in his seat. He’s practically vibrating with excitement so to help calm him down you happily open up the bag and pull out all the tissue paper he stuffed inside.

Your fingers graze across the smooth fabric and you gently grip the material to pull it out of the bag. In your hand is a mint green halter top made of stretchy fabric, with furrowed brows you pull out the other item inside that’s a pair of matching mint green pants made of the same material.

“For when you start dancing again,” Bolin happily explains. You look down at the clothes, before you’d always just wear a tank top and sweatpants like most of the girls there but some of them, the ones who had been doing it most of their life had special outfits for practice. “I thought the best dancer I know should have something to practice in.”

“Bolin…” You want to remind him that you aren’t a dancer and haven’t practiced with a teacher in four years. Looking at the top in one hand and pants in the other reminds you of that first day sparring with him on the train, how he believed in you and your dream.

“There’s one more thing in there.” You bite your lip and gently set the clothes down, at the bottom of the bag is a silver shoebox. Using both of your hands you carefully pull the box out of the bag and set it on the table, Bolin sets the bag on the floor for you and watches as you carefully lift the lid.

Inside is probably the nicest pair of dance shoes you’ve ever seen. Made of soft black leather with laces down the center they have a strong grip on the soles and you run your hand over the bottom of them before looking back up at Bolin.

“The lady at the shop said those are best for the flying stuff, that’s what you wanna do right?”

Flying stuff, a wet laugh leaves your lips as you vigorously nod. Unshed tears glisten in your eyes as you think about how sentimental this all is. For the last few years, you’ve felt forgotten and unimportant, like if the wind finally carried you away no one would notice. Today feels slightly overwhelming all of a sudden as your grip on the shoes tightens.

“Are they not the right kind?” Bolin’s voice drips with concern and all you can do is shake your head as you try to calm yourself down. A few tears trickle out from the corners of your eyes and you let out a deep, shaky sigh.

“No these are perfect, thank you.” He stands from his chair and pulls you into his arms, the shoes get squished between the two of you but you don’t care. Neither of you notice as Kuvira slips into the bedroom, this feels deeply private. She suddenly feels like an intruder in her own home and sits cross-legged on the bed with her sketchbook in front of her as she waits for him to leave.

When Bolin pulls away from you, he notices the absences of your lover and lets out a sigh of relief, sitting back down in the chair he helps you put all the gifts back in the bag for now.

“Are you happy, Y/n?”

“Huh?” You furrow your brows as you wipe away the last of your tears, you feel slightly silly for crying but you know he doesn’t mind. He witnessed you cry a lot on the train.

“I mean it’s not like before? You’re happy, and she’s finally treating you right?” Oh. You think back on the times you’d start to cry during sparring sessions, he’d always ask if you wanted to stop but you’d simply press on. It felt better to punch away the tears than wallow in them.

It is better, you think. You’ve known for some time that you both have made vast improvements and it makes you so happy to know that your relationship won’t remain such a toxic void, slowly sucking the life out of you. There was still so much left to do though.

“I am and…” you smile, “she is. She’s been really amazing these last few months.” Bolin feels a sense of relief in your words. You were like a sister to him and it made him feel so much better to be returning to Republic City knowing you were alright.

“Y’know I expect you to start writing to me, I can’t just come up to Zaofu every few months to make sure you're still alive.”

You laugh at that. Grinning you playfully let out a dramatic sigh “I guess I can fit that into my busy schedule.” Both of you talk for a while, he tells you more about his job and you inform him of the thrilling development of your plants which has him laughing with how hard you try to make it sound interesting.

Eventually, though he has to go. Apparently, he and Opal have a dinner date that he has to go get gussied up for. When you lead him to the front door he pulls you into a tight hug just like the last one, only this time, you’re able to wrap your arms around him too. You stand like that for a minute before he finally pulls away from you, opening the door for himself he looks at you one last time.

“If you ever need someone, I’ll come as fast as I can, okay?” You nod, to be honest, you had momentarily forgotten about how much Bolin cared for you. It's comforting to know he still cares about you after this year apart during which you’ve stayed with someone he hates.

“I know, thank you, Bolin.” He offers you one last smile before leaving, the door softly shuts behind him, and once more it’s simply the three of you in the apartment. Lily is napping on the couch and the bedroom door is shut, you know Kuvira snuck off at some point so you leisurely walk over. Upon opening the door you find her sitting at the center of the bed, hunched over with her charcoal pencil in hand.

“Hey,” you lean against the doorway with your arms comfortably crossed over your chest. She looks up from her sketchbook at the sound of your voice, a soft smile creeps its way onto her lips. “How’s the sketch going?”

“I’m almost done, ‘started working on it yesterday, so I’m mainly shading right now.” She sets the pencil down and pushes some loose strands of hair behind her ear. “How was your time with him?”

You slowly walk over and climb onto the bed, you steer clear of the book and make sure not to look down at it as you sit beside Kuvira. Your fingers run through her hair, from her nap most of it is out of the braid and she hasn’t tried to fix it. You love her like this, when she looks so relaxed and happy. “It was nice, we mainly just chatted about our lives since we last saw each other. I missed talking to him.”

“Those were some nice things you got.” Kuvira looks down at her sketchbook and picks up the pencil to twirl between her fingers.

“They were, I wasn’t expecting that though.”

Kuvira sighs, raking a hand through her hair she looks at you out of the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry I can’t get something like that for you today.” Or have ever given you something like that, she thinks in a self-deprecating manner.

She thinks of all the empty promises on all your other birthdays, the way she’d mention one day showering you in jewelry once it was all over. You’d always tell her you didn’t need fine jewels, just her, but she still feels like a bad girlfriend for not having all of that and more to hand to you on a silver platter.

“Kuvira…” You inch closer to her until your knees are touching the side of her leg, one of your hands helps tilt her head towards you so you can look into her eyes. “You could hand me a wilted flower and I’d love it.”

She rolls her eyes at your words, but you pull her face closer until your noses are touching. “I’m serious, I’m really happy with how today has gone, I don’t need anything. All I want is to spend the rest of the day relaxing with you.”

“I do have something…” She replies softly. You tilt your head in question and watch as she slowly extracts herself from your hold before moving over to her nightstand. She fishes a stack of papers out of her drawer, with her back turned to you, she rearranges them and makes sure none of them have been bent or smudged.

Kuvira is nervous, which shocks her because she’s never really been nervous. The few times she has, she realizes it’s been about you. With a final exhale Kuvira turns around and sits in front of you. Your knees are touching, you can’t see what's on the papers as she holds them close to her chest.

“It isn’t a ruby necklace or golden ring but…” Kuvira thickly swallows as she slowly lowers the papers, you bring your hands up to carefully take them from her. “It’s all I have to give to you.”

A gasp escapes you at the sight before you, the first paper is of a panda lily, the lines are uniformed and perfected, there’s not a single flaw in sight, not even the shading is shoddy. “These are from the past couple of months, it starts with my first few drawings and ends with the more recent ones.” You’ve never heard her sound so nervous before. She tucks her hands between her thighs, her whole body tense as she watches you silently inspect the first drawing.

Biting your lip you carefully set the first drawing down, afraid of ripping it. The next three are all of different kinds of flowers, you realize they are flowers your dad often brings over to the house. Each one is as perfect as the last, these can’t be her first few because this looks amazing, then again it seems everything Kuvira does is amazing.

The fifth one is a bit different, it’s of you, sort of. You can tell she had a harder time with this one, instead of having the sharp defining lines and perfect strokes it’s a bit softer, you can see some smudge marks around the hair but it’s still you. You’re looking down with your hair pushed behind your ears, it’s a side profile.

“That’s not the best of them,” she admits. You shake your head, delicately as if scared you’ll break it your fingers graze across it.

“I love it.” The lump in your throat slowly grows as you sift through the stack. Slowly it’s less perfect, less inanimate and lifeless, and rawer. There’s a drawing of Lily on her back with her tail wagging that you know you’ll have to frame.

There’s one of your parents, it looks like something similar to Winter Solstice as they sit next to each other with glasses of wine in their hands. Your dad has his arm slung over your mom's shoulder as both are laughing. There are finger smudges on the corner of it and you can see the happiness in their expressions.

Next is you and your father filling dumplings, he’s staring down at you. You're grinning from ear to ear as you stare at the half pinched dumpling in your hands.

Then it’s you and Lily with her sitting on your lap, your arms are wrapped around her body with your eyes close, head resting against hers. The drawing makes you feel cozy and loved like you're experiencing the moment she captured on the piece of paper.

There’s two left. The second to last one stuns you, your grips on the papers tighten just a fraction as you stare at yourself sleeping. Your hair is sprawled across the pillow, you have a hand tucked under your head with the other outstretched, most likely trying to reach for her. There’s this content look on your face, a slight smile and a scrunch of the nose. Your shirt has ridden up and bunched just under your breasts, the curve of your body on display as the blanket rests at your hips.

“When did-”

“Three weeks ago.”

You nod, wetting your lips, you feel tears well up in your eyes, you can’t tear your gaze away from the drawing. Your heart swells with love for this talented woman sitting across from you. Is this what you look like in your sleep? Is this what Kuvira sees when she wakes up in the morning?

“You just looked so peaceful,” she admits anxiously. She keeps looking at you and then the paper, there’s one left, it’s recent but it’s different from the rest. This is based on an old memory, and she doesn’t know what you’ll think of it,

“It’s beautiful,” you breathe out, your voice shaky. This is too intimate to frame, you’ll have to get some kind of book or folder to hold this and any future ones for safekeeping. You aggressively wipe at your eyes, afraid of the tears dripping onto the paper. Carefully Kuvira extracts her hands from her thighs and brings them up to pull your hands away from your eyes, gently she wipes the tears away for you. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re not sad right?” You shake your head in her hands, and she lets out a sigh of relief. “Well, there’s one left.”

Thickly swallowing you nod before cautiously setting that drawing on top of the rest. Her hands move to run through your hair as you look down at the last one. You still in her hold at the image in front of you. Unlike the rest, which are clearly drawn from memory in house arrest, this one goes far back. It’s something you haven’t thought about in years, it’s of you dancing in the studio with the metal flower underneath you, petals open to reveal you mid twirl.

You look different, younger, and stress-free with a determined expression. You vaguely remember doing this, it wasn’t part of the routine but something you sometimes did when you thought you were alone. Clearly, at some point, you weren’t as discreet as you thought with your private practices.

Eager as ever you’d come to the studio an hour early sometimes to warm up before everyone else slowly trickled in. You’d run through the stretches Suyin taught you then practice any moves you felt insecure about, which was honestly all of them. The metal flower makes you flush as you remember your night with Kuvira, you wonder if you’ll ever be able to look at it without feeling slightly scandalized.

That was your first time, first kiss too. It was overwhelming but also so perfect, she cradled you between her hands like you were a delicate spring flower and watched you come undone so many times before deciding to show you how to pleasure her. You were exhausted when you both finally collapsed in a tangled heap and finally knew why everyone seemed obsessed with sex.

“Y/n?” This time tears do fall onto the paper and you mentally scold yourself, you offer a weak smile as you let her wipe away the tears.

“These,” you place one hand on top of the pile, your other delicately holding the last drawing, “are the best gifts I have ever received.” They beat everything you could ever think of. These are things you’ll hold onto for the rest of your life and will show your grandkids.

You’ll cherish them for the rest of your life, even the less personal ones because it’s something she made, something she deemed beautiful enough to share with you.

Kuvira doesn’t believe you. She’s sure your parents have spoiled you with amazing gifts growing up and can’t help but believe these drawings to be some kind of a cheap cop-out. But that smile of yours as you continue to softly cry has that self-deprecating voice quieting down.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, it’s one of the things on Dr. Hanika’s list.”

You hum in acknowledgment of her words as you pick up the stack from the bed and carefully clutch them to your chest. It seems stupid but these drawings make you feel more loved than you’ve ever felt before.

“I know you can’t say it to me yet and I don’t want to pressure you.” I do wish you’d say it back, she thinks. “But I wanted to tell you some reasons I love you.”

Your eyes widen in surprise at her words, but she presses on. “I know we’ve had a rough start and I know I’m to blame for it but I do mean it when I say it to you. Because…” she takes a deep breath, “you are so sweet and caring, you treat everyone kindly but aren’t afraid to fight back when necessary. I watched you stand up for what you believed in last year and you did it so fiercely, without a doubt in your mind it seemed.”

“You take care of those plants like they are newborn babies, so delicately that at one point in time I was jealous of the attention you gave them,” you can’t help but giggle at that, and she smiles. ”I used to get so excited when I thought about you growing up, I wondered what you’d be like, would you love me back? And then when I was sent here I gave up on the idea. It didn’t seem like I was meant to be loved by someone like that.”

You move one of your hands away from the stack of papers and gently cup her cheek, she leans into your touch. Her heart swells when she feels your thumb gently graze her cheekbone.

“I didn’t make anything easy and I think that was partly because I believed you were too good for me. I felt like a fraud at times but you’d always pull me out of my thoughts.”

“You’re the only person who can do that. I think I’ve remained sane for so long because of you and I know if you weren’t there I would have gone through with my plan. I don’t know what would have happened but I know it wouldn’t have been anything good.”

She wets her lips. “I love you even though you over-salt your food, even if you snore into my ear at night.-” You flush in embarrassment, your face tilting down, but she needs to look into your eyes for this, they help calm her. So she gently places her finger under your chins and lifts your head back up.

“You might be a bit messy or destroy our books, turn the music up too loud at times or drag mud through the kitchen but those are the kinds of things that make you who you are. Even if they drive me up the wall at times I still love them because you wouldn’t be the woman you are if you didn’t…. Take up most of the couch when we’re sitting together.”

You can’t help how nice it feels to stretch your legs out, you think. By now there is a stream of tears racing down your cheeks and dripping off your chin.

“I love you because for some reason, despite me pushing you away all those years you’ve stayed. Everyone else ran away when it got tough but you didn’t even though you should have.”

“I don’t think I’ve mentioned how grateful I am that you’re giving me a second chance and I hope you know that I really am trying. Not because I want things to go back to the way they were or because I want specific things from you,” like sex,” but because I love you.”

You can’t speak right away, that lump in your throat keeps you from forming any words as you continue to quietly cry. You know your face is probably red from crying and that you are such a mess. Reluctantly you set the stack of paper down to wipe away the tears. You take a deep breath to try and calm down, it works, sort of.

“I know you can’t say it yet and that’s okay, but I wanted to tell you this and…'' one of Kuvira’s hands slid down to yours, she laced her fingers through yours and offered a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry for being a piece of shit for so long, and I’m sorry it’s taken me four years to give you a decent birthday.”

“It’s okay…” you choke out.

“No it’s not,” she quickly replies. Kuvira knows how you don’t like to hurt other people’s feelings, including her own. Sometimes you’ll swallow your own feelings down for other people, she’s witnessed it far too many times.

You guys sit like that for a few minutes while you calm down, spirits you’ll have to put a cold towel on your face after this. She breathes in time with you in hopes of helping you calm down, it helps as she exhales with you then inhales. You could have used this all those years ago during one of your breakdowns on the train.

“I do…” love you, ”and one day I’m gonna say it back but right now just know that I do.”

It’s all you can offer, your voice is scratchy since your throat hurts from crying so much and it makes you cringe a bit to hear. Kuvira nods, she understands. That selfish, impatient part of her is internally yelling to finally hear it again, but she squashes it down.

The rest of the afternoon is spent in each other’s arms, you fall asleep at some point and awaken to Kuvira gently cupping your cheek. When she tells you your parents are in the living room it surprises you, she lets you slowly get dressed as she leaves the room to go back to cooking with your father. When you look in the floor-length mirror in the bedroom you let out a content sigh as you brush your hand over the sundress you’ve chosen. Your hair is a bit frizzy, but it’s nothing your parents haven’t seen.

When you finally leave the bedroom your parents cheerfully greet you with bone-crushing hugs as they rejoice at your presence. Both of your parents immediately keep up the tradition by retelling the story of your birth which has Kuvira awkwardly staring at the cutting board as she tries to bite down a chuckle at the funny parts.

Wine glasses are pulled out, bottles popped and when the food is finally ready you move to the dining room table. It’s loud and boisterous and very similar to Winter Solstice except now the topic is solely you. It has you blushing, your head in your hands as Kuvira gets to find out about all of your embarrassing toddler stories.

“How old was she?”

“Four.”

“She was four when she got a toilet seat stuck around her neck.” Spirits, you gulp down some wine. You can’t be too mad though because Kuvira is laughing, there’s a massive grin on her face. She loves this and hopes your parents never run out of stories to tell her.

As they begin to tell the story of your first day at school your eyes meet from across the table. Their voices slowly fade away as Kuvira offers you a loving smile that you easily return.

One day you’ll say it back, it’ll just take a bit more time. And at this moment you have a hard time not mouthing the words to her, but you’re not ready. You won’t push yourself again, so instead, you simply enjoy this moment, this quiet bubble you’ve momentarily created.

Today has been so perfect, it feels like one of Kuvira’s drawings, like it can’t be real. If you blink it’ll be gone, so you simply enjoy the moment with all three of your favorite people surrounding you.

She may have messed up your past birthdays, but today might just be the best day of your life and you didn’t even have to leave the house for it. All you can do is hope for more mornings spent laughing in each other's arms and days where you can simply be lazy, especially as a major change comes barreling towards you.

#kuvira x reader #kuvira/reader #kuvira #kuvira fanfic #lok #lok fanfic #legend of korra #tgt #the great trial

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