#and said Irissë meant “Desired Lady” instead “Lady of Desire”/“Lady who Desires”

[mediumsizedpidegon]

Imagine: you are Idril and you hate your cousin viscerally and this hate is later justified in every way possible. He is a monster and a traitor and as unlike your belovéd aunt as possible. And he dies, and he does not come to the Halls of Mandos and does not reembody. Perhaps you are horrible for thinking this: but you are glad. You are glad he is gone and unable to return. He was a nightmare who crawled into your stainless city and tore it down when it was least expected. He made your father love him, and then he betrayed him, and you will never forgive nor forget it. Now there is no way he can hurt you, your husband, your son, your people– and there is no one he can betray.

and then your aunt reembodies.

Your aunt reembodies and yes, she died for that monster, but she was blameless for she was forced to marry evil and birth evil and love evil. But now she's reborn without those cobwebs of enchantment and you are prepared for her grief and rage over having been controlled. She will not be the same. But she will be back, at long last.

Except. she comes back and none of these things happen.

She doesn't care that her son is evil and treacherous, more his father's son than hers. She doesn't care. She grieves for your city and in the next breath she wishes for her son's return. So you love your aunt and your aunt loves the creature of your nightmares– the betrayer that nearly killed your son and brought your home to ruin. So you love your aunt but she does not listen when you tell her to let her son go because she never saw–

and so your aunt leaves. and it feels like betrayal. like your cousin ruining your family further from beyond the grave.

she still visits, but no one in the family knows where she lives. She is strange– both the steely eyed aunt you remember and yet sometimes she looks like she has never seen you before. you try to break the enchantment that she must be under to keep looking for your Marred cousin, but there is nothing for you to find. all your trying does is send her into a rage the likes you have only seen once before: when she dragged your father away from following your mother in death for your sake.

you love your aunt, and most days, you are sure your aunt loves you.

but you cannot understand her, and in this you have lost her as surely as when she died.

#tolkien #the silmarillion #aredhel #idril celebrindal #maeglin #our long heritage of heresy #in the heresy verse things are so so complicated between aredhel and idril because neither of their feelings about maeglin are wrong exactl #but maeglin being GONE– nowhere in Arda– is really the straw that breaks the camel's back for aredhel #and all idril is seeing is the maeglin issue which is a significant part of it but there's other shit in there as well on aredhel's end!! #my favorite dynamic for aredhel amongst the nolofinwions is that they love her but on a fundamental level they do not understand her #and she loves them back. so she forgives them for it (mostly) and says nothing of it. she leaves when it gets too much #but she always comes back #except reembodied aredhel has had an entire history created about what happened to her after she left gondolin WITHOUT HER INPUT #and BOY did they get it WRONG #and it is SUFFOCATING #here lies my three defining traits for aredhel: 1) she has been mistranslated her entire life from the very first time her mother held her #and said Irissë meant “Desired Lady” instead “Lady of Desire”/“Lady who Desires” #2) aredhel has little forgiveness and little pity but for those she cares about she will let (minor) mistakes go #(no matter how these little things build up and rot and fester) #and 3) aredhel built the enchantments that hid Gondolin and her craft is threefold: illusions and hunting and always. always. freedom. #apparently no one in her family can understand this. even after thousands of years and her DEATH #and unfortunately for everyone else reembodied aredhel reaches her limit and finally finally snaps #and this looks like it has come out of NOWHERE to the nolofinwions #shit's messy! #<- should be the slogan of Aman #my posts