#and the way it melds with capitalism too. I’m seeing patterns . I know they aren’t there on purpose but god

[soullessjack]

to me one of the most fucked up things about godjack and that whole “oh Cas and jack are doing excel spreadsheets in heaven now isn’t that so silly” thing and whatever is like. why are you putting them back into the system that abused and manipulated them. cas was literally lobotomized and forced to kill fake deans numerous times to condition him back into being the blind soldier that angels are supposed to be. jack is considered an undesirable abomination by heaven and all of the original nephilim were basically culled from existence by the flood as a result of that undesirability, but at the same time he’s still powerful enough to be desired as a weapon and extorted as such. that’s totally not vaguely eugenicist! and like, both cas and jack were conditioned into doing horrible things by heaven, things that have left deep scarring on both their psyches and senses of worth. jack tortured and murdered another subset of undesirables, the nonbelievers, and the worst part is that he only did it because he thought he was making up for Mary. His guilt was extorted and weaponized and only led to more guilt. once he realized what he’d done.

cas was nearly complicit in the apocalypse and wholly the murder of Lily Sunder’s seven-something year old daughter, again bc she was an undesirable abomination much like Jack was . And he was conditioned into that complicity, tortured repeatedly into believing total complicity and faith in The Plan was Good, or not even good, just a vague and abstract version of justification. he declared war and committed genocide on half of his “siblings,” and comrades, because he was a soldier and war is his lifestyle and if he can find any justification for what he does he will do it and he was taught to value the end before examining the means by which he could get to it, because that’s how heavens system works. ironically I’d say it’s fairly close to Christian fundamentalism, but also capitalism and militarism as well.

Like oh hey, you were born into a corrupt system that raised you with no sense of free will, individuality, or personhood, and encouraged blind obedience and justification of everything in the name of some vague absolution? You belong to a specific group of individuals who are deemed undesirable by the system unless you can be extorted for its gain? Why don’t you just join it and perpetuate it with a few inconsequential changes instead of fully dismantling it because it’s corrupt by design!! yay silly spreadsheets !!!!!!

I know spn isnt trying to run heaven as any sort of actual system or commentary on real life systems, believe me i know it’s not good enough to do that, but even if you take away that lens of heaven and just focus on the face value show canon of what it did to Cas and jack.. it’s still so bleak

#I’ve been thinking about this forever #and especially now that I’m watching shiny happy people and seeing how Christian fundamentalism aand #and the way it melds with capitalism too. I’m seeing patterns . I know they aren’t there on purpose but god #spn #supernatural #jack kline #castiel #cas and jack #dadstiel #if I reach a little more I can connect Cas’ lobotomy to the systemic abuse of queer/mentally ill ppl in the past #the undesirables. #it’s just. ugh #spn angels #stuff #like am I crazy here . I’m crazy. im a crazy commie lol #but wow it’s just #Cas and jack both being canonically autistic too.. being undesirable in their own ways.. Do you see what I mean #lily sunder has some regrets #I’m lily sunders number one fan btw . love her

[tenaciouscandybouquet-blog]

Dear Jessica,

in order to be a servant leader I must love like Jesus.

It all goes back to the principle of upholding and restoring the dignity of human life, and I was wrong for thinking that every human being already was given this diamond slip of information, but maybe that is my new mission.

Another principle from Catholic Social Teaching is that

I would choose to play victim-rescuer here and present my sister as someone to have compassion with for a while, but I know after years of trying to get through to her, that 

I have since realised

I realise that some of you will naturally want to be on her side; I have experienced the same with past ‘friendships’. Though I’ve learned that to be attracted to/want to spend time with people who have shared/similar insecurities and anxieties, while liberating in a eureka-I’m-not-alone-in-this! sort of way; fear-based friendships where the deepest emotional bond is felt when we bitch, sob, or moan together, is no match for the friendships where we share a love for something.

And this is where the formula gets messy. Call me an algebra nerd but the ratios can be all different. 

The main principles here are that:

Humans are so different from each other that

And I guess I’ve analysed this too deeply because I’ve tried to justify all the pain I’ve felt in my life. I’ve tried to justify why it was okay to accept this certain thing in this situation but then have it be wrong in another. 

I’ve blindly accepted because it had previously felt futile but when you have nothing left, you find it in you to find the truth. And Evey was completely right, when she said that the truth can set you free. Integrity can set you free.

And this is another learned virtue, so to speak. 

When we have this crossed so many times, naturally, over time, we are conditioned to passing it through our minds because processing it fully would cause too much hurt. Our brains and bodies have had enough.

We are not around people who are respecting our hopes, wishes, fears, dreams, and fostering environments as much as possible, which help us to grow and learn and get back up once we’ve fallen a bit off track.

We can learn to become insensitive, or chuck it in the ‘not-so-important-in-my-life’ file, which we can’t really blame ourselves for, because to claim it as an important thing, which matters a lot to us, and therefore should have a lot of effect on our self-esteem, would be to lower

Which is why for the duration of life, it is so important that the earliest memories of life with a caregiver are where the parent is reassuring the baby, the human life, of the most secure, protective, loving care any life deserves.

We fight for the environment and animals; similarly, why not our own human race?

Maybe it’s because we find it so vile that some people would want to sit in their own filth of their lives with the knowledge that they aren’t really doing anything for anyone.

I see the war in your eyes - would she acknowledge me if I helped her?

Would she beat me if I gave her some insider knowledge? How would she help me better MYself?

Maybe it’s because when we went through hard times no one was there to help US up.

Maybe we learned a pattern of proving ourselves to the ones who rejected us when we asked for help, and don’t want any charity from anyone.

Is this pride? Is this to be looked down on?

Why do some people deserve help and others do not?

Do you really believe that there’s always going to be inequality in the world?

Those people go through the worst forms of mental illness.

Once you have an attitude like that then you’re never going to do anything extra, for anyone. You won’t get blessed by life’s accidental joys, happy accidents, funny mistakes - you’ll be over-controlling, demanding, impatient - wanting your fill already because you have paid your dues. There is no fun, no connecting in the act of doing, learning, mistake-ing together, no bandaging wounds once we’ve mucked up, no sorries and fights and tears and more love, just perfection, just an end goal - and THEN we’ll be happy.

But here’s the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, summed up in a sentence (this Catholic source I read once said it’s kind of anti-Catholic, but I take this with the knowledge that his philosophy is a summation of pretty much every religion, no religion, all religions; having a PhD in Philosophy I guess he has that broader perspective to distill or bring all together, though we filter by our own instincts and knowledge/truth uncovered so far too)

That piece of information was, that you can’t achieve a good end by bad means - this includes all your micro-relationships, bad choices, all the parts of the system. Think of a high fashion chain, popular one, that uses slave labour but ‘sustainable materials’, to use a stereotypical example. 

And I just realised now, in thinking about this again, that it can be quite stifling. Paralysing. But the same rules apply as with any perfectionist problem.

Through sacrifices, we can achieve freedom. This is because it pulls us to our highest conscience - we are called to care so compassionately, love so fully - give without thought of reward - and because we ARE limited maybe there will be muckups - maybe something promised last week will have to wait 2 years when you originally said 2 months. 

NZ is waiting. To be called to arms. 

problems: depression, gap

racism,

BIGGEST SOLUTION AND WIN WIN FOR EVERYONE: HELPING EACH OTHER UP. WATER INTO WINE. 

Let me tell you a story about my teacher. She saw something in me, might have known that my best friend had just left, and I was in a new class without my old friends, and was shy, nerdy, sensitive, quiet, reactive, scared, nervous, with low self esteem. She pulled me out of the dark..

In criticism I’d say she set some pretty high relationships maybe riding on the high of the difference she could see she was making, 

The main thing with Malis was the BS - so no corruption, no shoulder taps, flattery by indirect gifts and compliments - genuine principles, values, 

and so you understand it we are very clear - we share fully like Mrs Brebner’s RE class, laying out the structure and very clear expectations, and people can move around that as they need to. The goal is to progress our society not allow it to go backwards.  But the bare bones are there - what you don’t need to reinvent, what you can and should. The benefit of architecture is that it allows you to intellectually challenge yourself - debate top minds, pick brains of actual architects, multi-talented people. 

goal: to give back to Mrs Brebs

Massive thanks to Mrs 

Progressive NZ fashion aesthetic. 

Story - what do you wear coming out of the gym? The disparity is huge. We want it made and tested in NZ by friends and family and colleagues here. How people are going to be fully involved I have no idea. But it’s going to give back to ACM and Vinnies and I’m going to tell people what they need and want.

I feel like all of NZ is depressed and kind of waiting on something to be pulled together, to inspire, not the same old. We hate consumerism now, capitalism. We want to return back to nature, we want to be praised for all the effort and care we’re putting into the protection of what is beautifully pure and good. 

Their quest was anti-Catholic  

Listen to nature, heal by nature

Make people happy - gifts? - THOUGHTS, IDEOLOGIES, ATTITUDES, THEN IMPACT. SMALL SEEDS FIRST. 

But see, that’s the thing - life is made up of imperfect, and its the imperfections which give the value to life.

I realise this is something I have ‘walked’ wrong in my life. People do more of what you reward and celebrate. So what do you want people to do? Be more courageous, faithful? 

To give more freely?

Then you start. Do your tests at home, with those closest to you. they are gems. Don’t take them for granted. 

So I don’t know, maybe our egos take charge over time. As we get older. Or maybe we get rid of them. Maybe we learn to detach, or maybe we just attach more to other things.

I hope in this confusing meld of things we learn that everyone is so different that we can’t judge each other. Infinite combinations of DNA molecules, patterns built up from a treasury of experiences, some chosen, some intentional, some accidental

Being my sister,