#and the whole ‘i promise you dont need to lose weight’ kinda hit home

[lovecrazedpup]

.

#today was . good #i love him #happy vent sorta but now its gonna get a bit sad #i still get scared he hates me n finds me ugly n wants me to lose weight but just doesnt wanna come off as an asshole #but ngl i hate restricting so much and hearing him ask me to eat n to treat myself kindly makes it harder #and the whole ‘i promise you dont need to lose weight’ kinda hit home #im just scared i think . i just feel like hes always ready to leave me ? #so its just . if i kinda become the beauty standard then its less likely to happen #i know he sees me as ‘skinny’ but thats bc camera angles and multiple takes !!!! #and it hurts honestly knowing that he has a flatter stomach than i do :/ and yeah i kinda understand that its biology #but like idk . sometimes i have stomach rolls and sometimes im really bloated #and its like !!!!! awful . i look Obese #i dunno man :^) its like realistically i know you wont have a flat stomach constantly #but just . i know hes gonna find me repulsive #and therefore he will leave me #bc like ???? i dont have anything else even remotely good or attractive abt me . aside from the fact that im not extremely ugly #also not to be the whole ‘im crying rn’ vent post but i am kinda crying #me when postcoital dysphoria #just terrified he will leave me bc idk . things he has said #im so scared of being manipulative that i cant even rlly bring any of this whole abandonment shit up #bc its like we arent really together so he can go out and fuck other people and i cant rlly be like ‘Please Dont’ #me reading through our texts tonight and seeing that he implies that we will meet and that means he wont leave me until that happens #right ??? #but then remembering he also said its ok if *i* find someone irl and then he said like #‘if a 10/10 asked you on a date and stuff . you would be insane to say no’ #and then was like ‘bc id say yes’ #so its like fuck if someone better comes then he will leave #i just dont know what the fuck to do #bc i can tell he doesnt like saying reassuring shit #jamie.txt