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#i know he sees me as ‘skinny’ but thats bc camera angles and multiple takes !!!!
lovecrazedpup
·
2 years
Text
.
#today was . good
#i love him
#happy vent sorta but now its gonna get a bit sad
#i still get scared he hates me n finds me ugly n wants me to lose weight but just doesnt wanna come off as an asshole
#but ngl i hate restricting so much and hearing him ask me to eat n to treat myself kindly makes it harder
#and the whole ‘i promise you dont need to lose weight’ kinda hit home
#im just scared i think . i just feel like hes always ready to leave me ?
#so its just . if i kinda become the beauty standard then its less likely to happen
#i know he sees me as ‘skinny’ but thats bc camera angles and multiple takes !!!!
#and it hurts honestly knowing that he has a flatter stomach than i do :/ and yeah i kinda understand that its biology
#but like idk . sometimes i have stomach rolls and sometimes im really bloated
#and its like !!!!! awful . i look Obese
#i dunno man :^) its like realistically i know you wont have a flat stomach constantly
#but just . i know hes gonna find me repulsive
#and therefore he will leave me
#bc like ???? i dont have anything else even remotely good or attractive abt me . aside from the fact that im not extremely ugly
#also not to be the whole ‘im crying rn’ vent post but i am kinda crying
#me when postcoital dysphoria
#just terrified he will leave me bc idk . things he has said
#im so scared of being manipulative that i cant even rlly bring any of this whole abandonment shit up
#bc its like we arent really together so he can go out and fuck other people and i cant rlly be like ‘Please Dont’
#me reading through our texts tonight and seeing that he implies that we will meet and that means he wont leave me until that happens
#right ???
#but then remembering he also said its ok if *i* find someone irl and then he said like
#‘if a 10/10 asked you on a date and stuff . you would be insane to say no’
#and then was like ‘bc id say yes’
#so its like fuck if someone better comes then he will leave
#i just dont know what the fuck to do
#bc i can tell he doesnt like saying reassuring shit
#jamie.txt
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