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#and then there's laura/jester destroying me emotionally
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FOR THE RECORD I HAVENT WATCHED CRITICAL ROLE FOR LIKE A MONTH CAUS EIVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED AND I FONALLY COME BACK BECAUSE haha sex number AND THIS IS THE WLECOME I GET HOLY HECKARONI
THIS. WAS. THE. WORST. It was SUPPOSED to be all fun and games, because... nice. BUT MATTHEW MERCER HAD OTHER PLANS FOR OUR HEARTS.
I mean... something had to happen since Ashley has to go back to New York, but STILL. THIS WAS EXCESSIVE.
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Fjord and Jester’s talk. Ep 43
OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY 
HERE IT GOES MY DUDES
LISTEN
I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS CONVERSATION
First of all I loved Jester checking in on Fjord because while the others agreed that he’d been pushed maybe too far in this whole ordeal and that they should support him, she’s the one that does so openly and directly, just by asking if how he feels.
(side eyes everyone who ever tried to claim Jester didn’t really care about Fjord’s feelings past his attractiveness like BITCH YOU THOUGHT)
Also pls Travis’s face when Jester says she’s looking for Fjord is the face of a man that knows his wife is about to destroy him with emotions
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“So.... that happened.” “Yeah.” “How do you feel about it?”
And I want to mention that Jester looks almost scared of asking, and I think it is because she’s afraid that Fjord harbored real feelings for Avantika, especially when she described their thing to the Plank King as a “romance”, and Jester just looks so tense as she waits for Fjord’s answer. 
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But then he says he’s relieved and she gives him the smallest “yeah?” and he just goes “yeah” and it’s just such a soft thing
They are both so freaking relieved and you can see that, with Avantika out of the picture, this little exchange just feels like a wall that’d been building between them for weeks ever since they were at sea has finally been lifted and they are seeing each other clearly for the first time ever since they stood foot on her ship and they just look into each other’s eyes and it’s like a breath they’d been holding is finally released 
honestly i think @lavellenchanted really said it best in her post 
And Fjord, who is always trying so hard to seem confident and in control, admits to her how worried he was about things going south
they are SO SOFT around each other
like they are the personification of that one quote: “Ah, those two. In a fight, they're lethal. Around each other, they melt.
And like just the softness Jester exudes, she was so gentle and careful through this whole conversation and you can see this is too important for her to be fucking around with it
So then she asks about going to see his shipwreck and you can see how tentative she is about it, not outright asking or prying but giving him a chance to share...
“You didn’t get to ask him about Vandrin, though,” she offers, and I love that she’s bringing this up because, as much as they’ve talked about Fjord being uncomfortable with certain things like being put in a leadership position, trying to keep everyone safe and having to “deal” with Avantika, Jester knows Fjord enough to know that the part that hurts him the most is what he’s finding out he knew so little about a man that meant so much to him. 
Even during the trial when Avantika tried to use Vandrin against him and blame Fjord for his death, you can see Jester visibly tense up and search for his eyes and you can see that those words, even if lies, hurt Fjord and I am so glad that Jester —who knows him the most— is the one that sees this and brings it up, gently.
 And when Fjord says “no, I didn’t��� you can just see how much of a sore subject it is for him, but he goes a step further and externalizes those feelings, trusting her with this vulnerability without having to be prompted, volunteering so much honesty that usually only Jester gets to see.
“It hurts to see so many react to a name that only meant so much to me, but... I mean, I don’t even know if he’s alive. We might find him down there,” Fjord says and he does so with a sad breathless laugh, and it’s heartbreaking because he’s still in denial, holding on to that little thread of hope that (if you remember) Jester suggested months ago when he first told the others about Vandrin.
And I think Jester knows that this is highly unlikely, but she won’t say anything to break Fjord’s hope... so instead she says
“Do you think that if we find him you’ll stop talking like him?”
Jester sounds so sad when she asks this, and her voice is gentle and careful, and she knows SHE HAS KNOWN ALL ALONG that Fjord’s accent is just a symptom of how freaking sad and lost he feels after losing Vandrin.
And the way Fjord drops his gaze and half nods and just says “maybe, we’ll see”
HE’S SO SAD
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AND JESTER IS SO SAD THAT HE IS SAD
and like we’ve talked about how these two can’t handle seeing the other upset and how they will do anything in their power to cheer each other up and protect each other’s feelings 
and like that pause when she’s looking at him and he’s just looking down is so damn similar to the pause during the jellyfish conversation right before he brings up the treasure 
So of course Jester reaches out, but not with a joke... she does the same thing he did for her and makes an offer, a way to fix what’s hurting him. 
And listen i love love love their exchange about messaging Kiri 
Because at first Fjord looks worried
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Look at that FACE
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Just like with the jellyfish conversation, I think Fjord was once again taken by surprise by Jester’s sadness. Not that she was talking about being sad, but this was more about how much she misses Kiri and how sad she is that she hasn’t gotten a chance to see her again
Except of course then she manages to make it funny and you can see Fjord’s face light up 
And like idek if this faces are ic or ooc but look at those mfking heart eyes my dudes
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Also Fjord chuckling and asking if Kiri replies with “go fuck yourself” and making Jester laugh was just so cute and pure
But then Fjord backs out and says he doesn’t know what to say —and I think, in all honesty, he’s terrified of what answers he might get and how they could finally break whatever image he’s holding on to of the man that raised him
What gets me
WHAT GETS ME
is the earnest in his voice when he says “Thank you for offering, though.”
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Fjord sounds honestly touched by the gesture and there’s always some underlying tone of surprise when Jester does this kinds of thing for him (same as with the Academy letter and with the tusk thing) and like why wouldn’t he be surprised??
like
I AM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS
Fjord
Fjord who’s an orphan, and a survivor, who never had anyone other than himself to rely on, who the world has been so cruel to since childhood... who is so taken back by Vandrin having taken him in that after his death he adopted his freaking accent as a reminder if him
Fjord doesn’t know how to be taken care of, how to be looked after, and even when the M9 have constantly assured him that they are here for him and that they are willing to follow him in his search for answers there’s always a hint of disbelief in his part?? like he’d do that nervous chuckle and be like “yeah, i appreciate it, but the moment you want out that’s okay too” and he’s like not entirely buying it because he doesn’t know how to
And yet
AND YET
There’s always something particular about the way he thanks Jester, something much more open and sincere and accepting than it’s been when others like Caleb, Caduceus or Nott have vocally offered him support. 
And Jester shrugs and says “of course” because like OF COURSE OF COURSE OF COURSE she would do anything for him
And then 
Laura Bailey destroyed me
by perfectly understanding all I am saying about this moment
and connecting it emotionally to the other favor he’s asked of her, to the other time he opened up about his past, to his vulnerabilities but also to the reminder that she likes him just the way he is 
“Your teeth are coming in.”
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FJORD IS SHOOKED
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LOOK AT HER SMILE SHE’S SO PROUD
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FJORD BLUSHING LIKE HELL 
Like, Fjord who has hated that side of him for so long, trying to get comfortable with it, and being reminded of it by this girl who is sunshine and smiles and who sees it as a good thing and is so proud of him for daring and who looks at his tusks and smiles
and Fjord just covers his face with what is probably a reflex from his childhood
a way of hiding the very thing that is a target of hatred
but her voice is so gentle and her smile is wide and her eyes are so soft and Fjord blushes and smiles 
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“yeah.... yeah... okay... alright....”
Jester just straight up broke him. 
ALSO TRAVIS STRAIGHT UP ENACTING A FJORESTER FANART SCENE HE LIKED AND SHARED ON TWITTER IN APRIL LIKE I WANT TO SEE ANYONE CLAIM HE’S NOT SUPER ON BOARD WITH THIS SHIP ALREADY
“Thank you... for.... not... telling the others...” he manages to get out, his hand always returning to his mouth to cover the same tusks she’s looking with such loving admiration. 
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and listen
listen 
this is a big one for me
okay because the accent like i could talk for hours about it but i just want to say that the fact that it’s something so harmless and yet Fjord’s been defending its secrecy for months really gets to me because like
The fact that Fjord doesn't want the others to know and it’s so important to him
like he or jester could've come clean about it when Caleb caught him and it's just not that big of a deal? 
Except for Fjord who is so desperate to control how he's perceived by people is probably so embarrassed to let them know how deep his mourning goes... 
Except with jester because he trusts her the most and he doesn't have to pretend to have everything under control around her and he can be vulnerable i just
So the fact that she’s kept quiet about it for months. 
That she hasn’t used it for even the sneakiest joke
that she kept quiet when the others tried to pry the answer out of him
that she has known about Vandrin for so long but didn’t let on about it when he was brought up with the nein or with avantika 
listen 
we’ve been begging for months to know more about Fjord and Jester’s beginning and how they know the most about each other and trust each other completely
and this plus the jellyfish conversation are like the foundation of what makes them so great
these little glances we get about how open and honest they are when it’s just the two of them 
this is the side of their relationship that is only theirs and no one else gets to see 
this is where the real sparkle happens
And then
of course
the awkward
perfect
romcom classic
(perc’ahlia parallel)
nervous moment
when the two realize how much they’ve opened up to each other and are unsure on how to deal with all this feelings so the dumbasses just run away
and like we been knew about jester’s feelings
but Fjord’s awkwardness is on par with hers 
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The way he looks at his hands like a crushing schoolboy
Travis’s final facial journey
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the way Travis is still quiet and deep in thought when the rest of the table has moved on to the next joke
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THIS SHIP IS HAPPENING PEOPLE AND THIS IS AS CANON AS THEIR CANNONBALL SHARING
Which, as Lavelle pointed out, is a great show of how they’ve sort of restored that old trust and dynamic. 
Really love that Fjord was the one that asked her to share. 
And the way she says “sure, Fjord” and that’s that because in Jester’s own words they “make a pretty good team” 
like BYE
BYE THIS KILLED ME
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