#and there were various anime i learned about because i used to listen to nightcore and people in the comments would be like

[frostbite-the-bat]

no but genuinely. i love shadow filbo dearly. he means a lot to me.

he marks a time for me where i began embracing what i like just... for the sake of it!

he embodies the things that inspired me to draw online in the first place. hell, sparklecat characters with bangs have made me stop cutting my hair. i haven't cut my hair properly since. just because i wanted the same bangs, not knowing how hair works. now i have what is best described as messy fluttershy hair. to many people just how long my hair is, is what defines me when they see me and my hair is in a way special to me.

and again - he was what inspired me to draw. in class i'd be drawing my own sparklecats at the age of like 8, with bangs and wings and little companions that sit on clouds that rain hearts. (and bolts and skulls when ANGRY!)

i put rainbows on everything. i thought nyan cat was the embodiment of everything good in the world. i listened to nightcore versions of songs only. i say, as i am listening to nightcore, right now.

because of all these old classic animation memes and sparklefurs and silly scene and emo song flash animations i'd find... i'd pick up ms paint and draw. i imagined just how i'd animate, finding even the simplest methods absolutely mesmerising. there is something to be said about me being this young with internet access - because it very much so had it's negative effects. not me watching fetish videos at the age of 8 just because it had pokemon in it. yea that did not have any lasting effects.

but despite all this shit - it raised me! and even just a few years later... like.. 2015 when i began posting online on deviantart for the first time, not being just a lurker... learning how The Computer works better - not only drawing on paper anymore and gaining more and more interest towards digital art... i was already nostalgic towards these earlier days. but still living IN it, y'know?

just having fun, doing my own thing! isn't that what art is all about?

well. then the cringe culture nation attacked. severe bullying at school. and in general, just shame - which i am still fighting in certain aspects. but it's a bit more complicated than just "shame". (more so fear of Things.)

i'd look back at things with either genuine "cringe" or a distaste. how DARE these people have fun? because deep down, i was simply jealous.

if i was going to reference anything old like this, like classic animation memes, it was framed as "JOKE" "NOT SERIOUS" because i feared i would be harassed, made fun of, or people would thing THAT is the best of my artistic abilities. but... it's not like that.

and now, more and more people are embracing this. and it makes me so happy. and shadow filbo helped me fight off these fears a lot and just let me love what i love and be myself.

maybe it's not an ""aesthetic"" that completely defines me, maybe it IS a tik tok trend to do nowadays - but i don't care. without any of this i wouldn't be here. those were my first inspirations. silly colorful cats animated to crunchy mp3s of songs using movie maker and 3 (three!) frames drawn in ms paint. it had so much charm. it had so much genuinity. and i could feel it even back then.

without it i might've not been here as i am now. there are so many things that go into this, of course. but i simply would not be the exact way i am. and i dunno. that's something to think about.

thank you so much, shadow filbo. one "mistake" with you i've had was thinking i should be a good creator of something and respond to every fan and fanart, which only stressed me out. i have... opinions! about being recognized in various places and, as some dub, a "NICHE INTERNET MICROCELEBRITY" (nothing against you fox </3).... yeah! not a fan.

another mistake was dubbing him as a "joke" always. and... he is! he is humorous! i am a jokey person! i like crunchy shitposts! i like being the reason people laugh! i will go to certain levels to even ridicule myself just for the bit, and i don't mind it. i'm hyper(active) and i am just a jokey person, that's that. but... him being called a joke was honestly just a shield from people taking him too seriously.

if people were to mock me for being nostalgic for nightcore, and rainbows, and edgy amvs, sparkledogs, scene culture and clothes, rave songs... all this!

but... no! people loved it! people loved it so much, it moved THEM to create art!

me, referencing things that made ME inspired to draw all those years ago - then inspired OTHERS to draw other things. to embrace themselves. to have fun. to connect.

it means so much to me. it's a bit odd to comprehend, too.

but it means the world to me. sorry if i am ever annoying about shadow filbo, and is often the first thing i bring up when bugsnax is brought up - but he is the highlight of my experience with bugsnax.

thank you so much, shadow filbo. and me and my wretched little claws, of course. for making them. and those that inspired me. those old friends i lost along the way, too. and those, that inspired those that inspired me. and so forth.

thank you.

#shadow filbo #important #<- i just don't want to lose this mess of a ramble. #i could add so #so much #but i'm not going to otherwise i'd have several long tangents. especially mixing like. queerness and growing up trans and a furry and then #nonhuman shit into this #and the bullying thing. and being in a country thats... yea. where theres even less people like you #finding a home in places like this. yeah. (happy kinda yea)

[isanyonetoknow]

the only experiences i’ve had with pokemon growing up are when, in elementary school, i and a couple of other kids were trying to trade the cards but we had no idea what standards to trade them by so we were sort of just shuffling them around and one vivid scene in which ash(?) and pikachu are in a canyon and it sort of pans to show team rocket and they’re maybe going to have a stand off.

#vt.talk #oh i watched detective pikachu a while ago so does that count? #and ive seen some stuff on the internet though not muc #anyways i just kinda find it funny how much i know about some popular franchises #like star wars was just the 'i am your father' through memes; my friends arguing about the best watching order; watching one of the movies #i think tfa on a bus ride and honestly that's where i learned the most. like the fact that darth vader was dead and luke and co were old now #and then at disneyworld someone dressed as someone from star wars was talking about padawans or something; oh and obv i knew what #lightsabers were. #naruto i learned about cause the naruto run and i was a bit of an obsessive middle schooler so i had to learn the context of the naruto run #i know nothing about star trek except data's great spock's great and there's a kirk in there? #marvel i used to know nothing about except through my friends but then i watched some movies #and there were various anime i learned about because i used to listen to nightcore and people in the comments would be like #'poor [character whose image was used as the image for the video]' and id be like who tf is character #and figure it out #then usually be like 'damn that was fucked up' before forgetting about it until something triggered the memory #like once i was shelving books in the library and some of them were black butler and i was like 'wait i know this.' #oh and atla i knew nothing about except that i thought it was the same as the avatar movie and i remember seeing the comics around #then there were how to write a good villain/redemption arc posts with azula and zuko respectively #lets see what else. #see if it's a popular book series i will have read at least the first book so those don't count #ig i learned a bit more about some animes through listening to their osts though i don't really care as much about learning then #and then i know the basic gists of a lot of movies. like indiana jones deals with artifacts and adventure #james bond i read the first few books of but wasn't impressed at all #hp i unfortunately read and then decided 'ok' and moved on #and now i can't look back without distaste #oh and i do know a bit about like bleach op and another i think? #oh and i also remember seeing arabic sub of hxh episodes but idk arabic so i didn't click on them #unrelated to everything in this post but i would not survive star wars #i'd see darth vader and just start LAUGHING #i won't be able to run and he'd just kill me